Ranma no Zettai Kareshi
by Anchoku
Summary: Ranma/AB/FC xover. Ranma beta-tests a prototype of the Lover Shop's Nightly Lover simulated boyfriend and then Ranma takes on a new fiance. Chapter 19: Monday Madness. Is it getting warm in here?
1. The Introduction

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

While out for a walk after being hassled by his fiancée squad Saotome Ranma-chan bumps into an oddly, almost punkishly, dressed young woman selling supposed magical items for breast enhancement; something she gladly doesn't need and moved to dodge the hawker.

"Honored customer, my name is Yuuno Chiaki and I work for Chronos Heaven. Can I interest you in something else, young miss?" she asks brandishing a handful of flyers for magical cures of such things as phoenix chicks unwilling to leave the nest, baldness, over-staying visitors, and luck with women.

"Eeeeh… I don't need none o' that. Later," she said with a wave and attempted to step around her only to find the pushy young saleswoman move to block her path, again.

"Wait! You're strong and healthy, right?" she asked sounding a bit desperate.

Ranma looked up into her face and nodded, pleased someone normal had noticed. "Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling." 'What's that goofy makeup design on her face?'

"So you practice martial arts. You're not afraid of something blowing up in your face, are you?"

She laughed. "I'm used to it. Why?" she asked despite growing unease.

"How would you like a boyfriend? The company I work for is trying out a prototype model."

"Er… a what? You mean like a real boyfriend or like a computer pet?" she asked. The offer had sounded like it was some kind of non-person.

"The prototype is designed to look like a real human and is very attractive. Our goal is to offer a 100% perfect boyfriend or girlfriend to our customers. It is not yet ready for production release, though, so we're looking for volunteer beta-site testers."

"Not interested. I have enough weirdness in my life."

"But that is exactly why you're perfect for the job. You won't have to pay for anything; not the service itself, or maintenance and repairs – nothing. Please consider it." Ranma examined the sidewalk and scratched the base of her pigtail. She was taking too long in the decision so Chiaki suggested, "How about a girlfriend, then? One can't have too many friends, you know."

That startled her. "Ack! No way," she protested warding the tall woman off with both hands waving in front. "I got too many girls chasing after me already. Don't need no more girls, damn it."

"Then, the boyfriend – How about it?"

"I ain't interested in boys that way. That's just sick."

"The prototype will only be a friend, then. That's fine. We're just looking for beta-testers able to handle an occasional mishap."

Ranma gazed off to the side fingering the end of her pigtail. 'What makes a mishap? What's occasional mean either? What's a be-ta?' If there was anything she'd learned on the road, it was that free stuff could be very good or very bad and sticking your foot in it was the only way she knew to find out.

She didn't have many friends, though. None of the guys she knew were after anything other than her hide whether it is for punishment or perversion. The two buddies from school were fine until he changed into a girl. Then, they got the gropey eyes. Konatsu was okay but hanging around him was like hanging around a girl. "Just a friend, right; a friend who's a guy? No perverted stuff," she said at last sounding as unsure of her answer as she felt.

Chiaki's face lit up in a smile and she nodded happily. "Absolutely. Thank you very much for participating in our beta program! Please, take my card and I'll call the truck." They exchanged greetings and the statuesque cosplayer began conversing with another party over a walkie-talkie while Ranma read her card.

'The company is called "Chronos Heaven" for real?' she thought in wonder. 'That sounds kind 'o… ominous.'

"The maintenance staff will be right here with the truck," Chiaki informed her. "There will be a strict confidentiality agreement for you to sign as well as an agreement to provide user feedback on your new boyfriend's performance. You will receive the 'Daily Lover' model as you are more interested in a friend than in nightly delights. I apologize for the lack of choices. We have only two settings and one outward appearance at this time. Really, we are very grateful for your participation. So few others are interested in beta-testing the 'Daily Lover' setting… Ah! Here they come now."

Ranma gaped as much from the explanation as at the non-descript white truck turning her way at the traffic light up the street. "What am I getting into this time?" she said weakly.

Chiaki gave her a bright smile in return and continued her monologue while the truck slowly crept through traffic toward them. "We have a draft of the instruction manual but I'm afraid it isn't very complete and may contain inaccuracies. You shouldn't need it anyway. Please keep my business card handy at all times in the event of a malfunction. As a beta-tester, all you have to do is call my number and someone will arrive shortly to make repairs or adjustments to your new boyfriend."

"It really sounds strange saying it that way, you know," Ranma pointed out but the tall steam-punk woman seemed to have finished speaking. The two of them stood and watched the big white truck pull to the side of traffic. The moment it stopped, a door in the side near the back opened revealing some guy in a lab coat. They stared at each other while a short set of steps extended toward the sidewalk.

"This is Saotome Ranma-san. She has agreed to be a beta-tester for the Daily Lover mode," Chiaki said introducing her. "Saotome-san, this is Yamachu-bucho, manager of field trials for the Lover-series personal companions."

"How do you do, Miss Saotome," Yamachu replied. "Please treat us kindly. We hope to work well together. Please do not hesitate to contact us for even minor adjustments." Standing on the sidewalk, Ranma had to tilt her head way back to look up at the man. He was very tall, wore squiggly makeup, and looked even more punkish than Chiaki. "Well, come in, come in, come in," he said beckoning to her.

Chiaki led her by the arm to the steps where she noticed she didn't even come up to the man's belt line as he backed away to clear the doorway. 'My life is sooooo weird and I hate being short,' she thought morosely and climbed the steps catching her first glimpse of a bizarre laboratory inside filled with gages, pipes, and computers with blinking lights. To her right was a dead end at the back of the truck but to her left, toward the cab, it almost frightened her seeing a naked body without a presence sitting too calmly on a chair surrounded by wires and lights. Chiaki gently pushed her up and inside the rolling mad scientist laboratory where the three of them walked up the narrow isle surrounded by bizarre electrical crap.

She absently noted a pair of similarly dressed people, one woman and one man, each sitting at a workstation, and both also wearing lab coats over their punk attire. 'Whatever.' Still, it meant they weren't normal people and that, in itself, was worrying. "What's that thing?" she asked pointing at the body in the fancy chair. 'Might as well get this over with.'

"That," Chiaki explained, "is your new boyfriend. Doesn't he look handsome?"

Ranma gave her a hairy eyeball for the last comment and turned her eyes back to the body. It was built like a human and it looked like a human. The face was like a work of art it was so bishonen. She was sure half the girls in school would act stupidly around it. 'It does look pretty handsome for a guy.' "It doesn't have any chi. I can tell it's not alive just by looking at it."

The three scientist types gasped and Chiaki the street hawker clapped her hands in approval squealing, "You're right! You're right! You're so smart!" That made Ranma feel a little more at ease even if it might have sounded a tiny bit like she was being played.

Yamachu coughed into his hand for Ranma's attention. "The prototype hasn't been activated, yet. You are, though, the only beta-tester to have picked up on it that way. If you can sense chi, then your help testing this unit will be invaluable. However, you needn't worry about that little issue. We have installed a life field generator to simulate a living being. The artificial chi will flow through the prototype in chi paths modeled after humans." The man's mind wandered from there and Ranma returned her attention to the life-size training dummy wondering how it would stand up to her normal, violent lifestyle. At last, Yamachu seemed to make up his mind. "If you could help us further refine the simulated chi, I would be willing to hire you as a consultant to the test staff for the duration of the beta program.

"Huh?" Ranma so eloquently asked.

"Oooh! You'll get paid for testing, too! Isn't that wonderful?" Chiaki clarified.

Yamachu nodded solemnly. "This is Yuugama Yui. She is the software and wetware engineer," he said pointing to the woman wearing green and brown leather with brass peeking out from under her white lab coat. They exchanged greetings and turned to the remaining member. "This is Kazeyama Hiroki, biomechanical systems." Again, they greeted each other and Ranma felt very much out of her element despite his rumpled black clothes making him look like a scruffy shinobi. She was used to more physical greetings and direct speech after all.

"Here are the papers for you to sign: the beta-site agreement, non-disclosure agreement, understanding of customer confidentiality, employment contract…" Ranma was overwhelmed by the paperwork involved as Chiaki sat her down at Yuugama's hastily vacated work bench and explained each of the documents before running through a long list of her responsibilities as well as theirs.

"Wait! I'm not sure I can do this," she blurted out as panic set in. She felt like the tide was receding and she was being pulled out by it. Not that such a thing would stop a martial artist like her but there were few analogies that she could remember. She didn't even know the term for it.

Yamachu took over saying, "Please trust us to fully support you, Miss Saotome. All you have to really do is spend time with our prototype as your boyfriend and tell us what you think. Other than that, absolute secrecy over its origins is the only other requirement."

"But what if I break it?" she asked in near hysteria after guessing the cost would be far higher than she'd ever be able to afford. "I know lots of really violent people, girls and guys. They're really strong and can get crazy about stuff."

"How strong and how crazy?" Yamachu asked.

"Uhh, let's see. Ryouga makes craters with his fist and swings power poles at me. Mousse has a gajillion pointy weapons, the old guys have more dirty tricks than the yakuza, and my fiancées are all of that and jealous."

Yamachu shifted his gaze toward Yuugama. "Can you do something?"

Yuugama gave him a half-smile and answered, "I'll increase priority on hazard avoidance. The unit will have to assess the situation at Saotome-san's home." She got right on the task moving to a bank of computer stuff filled with dials, switches, sliders, old steam gauges and whatnot to make some kind of cryptic adjustments.

"I'm not living at home. I'm living at my fiancée's house. That thing can't go there. They'd trash it, or sell it, or something. You don't know these people."

"Hmm. That does present an interesting problem," Kazeyama said. "Because you will be testing the Daily Lover setting, maybe we can set up a fake 'home' for it. We could get an apartment nearby and develop a background story."

"Good idea," Yuugama agreed. "That would give it a completely different environmental setting than the more popular Nightly Lover setting."

Yamachu agreed. "So, you met your new boyfriend who had only recently moved into the area. He's just graduated high school and is in his first year at a reputable local collage. You two can't see each other all the time but you do like to spend time together."

"W-wait a sec. That sounds like I'm dating!"

"He's just a friend you hang out with, unless you want more, which is entirely up to you. These prototypes are fully functional except that you can't get pregnant. They are really made for companionship and sex but you do not have to participate in intimate relations if you are uncomfortable with males. You did say you preferred females so your new boyfriend would be the 'just a friend' type. Your boyfriend will also support you in any endeavors with human women."

Ranma sucked in a breath wondering how she got into this mess. "It'll act just like a friend, right? Nothing perverted and no demands?"

"Absolutely!" they all cheered at once.

Her shoulders slumped in defeat and began stamping her signature in the marked places. She was sure Nabiki would find out anyway and hock the damned thing but it would be nice to have an actual friend for a day. "So," she said both tired and defeated, "how do you turn it on, anyway?"

"You kiss him!" Chiaki chirped.

"What? No way!" Ranma returned.

Yamachu explained, "The boyfriend is designed to sample your chi through contact of the lips. It measures a number of parameters so it can properly imprint on its master. I am sorry but that method was selected during the design phase."

"Ahhh… No?" Ranma offered.

"It is not a real male, Miss Saotome, so please do your best," Yamachu pleaded.

Ranma worked to keep from hyperventilating as she approached the lifeless robot. "Just a quick touch. That's all."

Yuugama put in, "It will need some time to properly analyze your chi and imprint. A peck on the lips won't be enough, young lady. It's only a doll. Don't make such a fuss over it."

Leaning over the bishonen doll, she put her hands on the soft seatback behind on either side of its head and got a good look at the face. 'It's unfairly handsome. He's better looking than Prince Herb.' She took a deep breath and examined its lips. 'They look so real.' "Why does all this crap happen to me?" she muttered less than ten centimeters from its face. She shifted her support to one hand and used the other to touch the artificial skin. 'It's cool but feels so real at the same time.' She poked and prodded before lifting a lip to see gleaming ivory.

Yamachu commented, "The prototype has the latest technology to simulate a real human being. Earlier versions were not nearly so life-like."

"So kiss him, already," Chiaki said excited and impatient.

The comment drove her closer to the thing but she hesitated for two distinctly different reasons. The first was to mutter, "Good thing I'm a girl at the moment," and the second was because she'd reached the limit of her reach and could do no more than smack her forehead into his lips.

She sighed at the inevitable worsening of the situation and threw a leg over its lap. She worked her knees up the chair's seat trying not to touch her bottom anywhere, much less anywhere perverted. "Get a smaller chair, next time!" she shouted never taking her eyes of the mark but the observers did not respond to her complaint and she was left with nothing to do but finish with a kiss.

Ranma leaned forward once again, her knees on the seat outside of its hips, her palms on the seatback, its head between them. 'I am gonna be so screwed. Why am I doing this?' she mentally moaned but she knew having a friend who would listen and not pressure her, or him, was too good to pass up. "It'll only last a day, max, before everyone finds you and tears you up," she whispered. Ranma could feel the warmth of her own breath roll off the bishonen masterpiece. "Don't expect me to protect you from the crazies," she warned it moving closer as she memorized the details of its lips and gauged the length of its nose. "This isn't my first kiss, you know, not even my first kiss with a guy, so it doesn't mean anything," she whispered again.

Before her lips touched the artificial man, her breasts made contact and she shuddered. 'I should have worn a bra,' were her last thoughts before touching his lips. It was a relief when it didn't respond but that only reminded her she had to continue the kiss until the thing did respond. She closed her eyes and hoped for the best as seconds ticked and her heart pounded. Revulsion, excitement, and fear all warred within. Her arms quivered while her back arched to relieve strain, inadvertently putting more pressure on her breasts. 'This isn't fair. It isn't right. Why am I doing this just to get some fake friend for a day?'

A tiny twitch of movement caused her to crack an eye open and she found herself looking into his left eye. It was a light brown and clear as glass. He was looking at her, too. "Gah!" she exclaimed breaking contact.

"The imprinting is not complete! Keep kissing!" Yuugama yelled.

"Warm-up in progress! System initializing!" Kazeyama called out.

Ranma didn't need the status report. The double-thump of a heartbeat echoed her own. She watched in morbid fascination as artificial life entered the formerly empty shell. 'It has chi! It has chi, now!' she thought franticly. 'It's not possible!' The bishonen doll's chest heaved into her as his eyes opened to gaze into her own. It was intensely personal and coated her mind in a fear she hadn't known since her first days after meeting Kuno Tatewaki.

A hand, a large male hand, brushed a few strands of wayward hair hanging from her left temple. 'The hand is warm, now. It's warm!' she thought still leaning over him as he tucked the hair behind her ear and smiled.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," he said in a rich tenor. Ranma froze.

"Kiss him! The imprinting is not complete!" Yuugama repeated.

Ranma found herself ducking toward his lips again in response to the order but shied away at the last centimeter, her rapid breathing mixed, now, with his slow steady pace. "Are you my girlfriend?" he asked. She blinked in response fighting to control the fear but took more time than she should have. Two strong hands enveloped her head and brought their lips together once again. This time, his were warm and moist, almost hot, as was his breath. His mouth opened and she felt his tongue twine with her own. He tasted not too strong and not unpleasant, almost sweet. One huge hand moved to cup the back of her head while the other slid down her spine forcing her to lean into him harder. His warmth flowed through her every place he touched. Her own hands moved to tangle in his wild hair searching for a more comfortable position.

'How long is this going to last,' she whimpered. Tears sprung to her eyes and her nose began to run. 'Why does this crap always happen to me?'

"Imprinting complete!" Yuugama announced just as the life-like doll's tongue retreated.

In a moment, the pressure let up and he broke them from the kiss. "Hello, girlfriend," he said with a gentle smile. She closed her eyes, vision blurring beyond her ability to see. Large warm hands encompassed her face. Two thumbs wiped the moisture from her cheeks. Ranma sniffled struggling to regain her confidence. "If you're sad or hurt, please let me take care of you." Her chest erupted in a crushing pain. Tears raced toward her chin. "You're more beautiful than anything in the entire world. I love you with all my heart and will always love and support you until the contract is complete."

"W-what?" Ranma whispered as anger blossomed. "You jerk!" she growled through her tears and buried a fist in his face. She quickly squirmed off his lap and turned to stand before the small development and marketing staff, one fist blazing in fury.

"He needs a name!" Yuugama squeaked.

"The contract! The contract!" Chiaki blurted as the four of them tried to climb the equipment on the walls.

Ranma marched four steps down the length of the trailer before her courage gave out and bolted out the door. 'They're gonna pay for this. How can they be so mean?' she thought leaping to the rooftops and racing away as fast as her legs would carry her.

She ran a few minutes before realizing she had no idea where she was going and stopped to get her bearings. The only place she could go and feel safe was the park by the canal. There were a lot of people there, usually, but it was better than someplace people knew her. "Those jerks! Those stupid jerks! How can they give people a friend just to take him away?" she ground out pacing angrily back and forth across the length of the park.

After a few more minutes of nearly stomping holes in the concrete, she remembered her curse and decided to fix the gender issue as soon as possible. 'Maybe that takoyaki stand has hot water,' she considered but, with her mood, begging cutely for a cup of hot water seemed an unreachable goal. Instead, she found a bath house and scraped enough cash together to duck into the men's side for a long soak. She ignored the startled glances and bleeding noses. She didn't trust herself to stop at just a flare of chi and glare of death.

She washed quickly and sank gratefully into the bath where he sat and stewed for twenty minutes before being interrupted by a familiar tenor. "Saotome Ranma-san? Is that you?" the bishonen doll asked quietly while sinking into the bath close enough to hear but leaving a discrete amount of space.

Ranma was sincerely startled by his appearance and almost leapt out of the water but the doll did nothing other than stare at him with those liquid eyes filled with kindness. He sighed and began to explain. "I'm really a guy," he whispered, "not a girl, an' I only like girls that way so don't get any ideas. It's just a curse. Cold water turns me into a girl and hot water changes me back. I'm still me either way."

"That is very… unusual. I do not have any information about how that might be possible. I should consult my masters."

"I wish you wouldn't."

"They will find out, anyway. They monitor my performance."

"That's like, an evasion of privacy."

"I think you mean 'invasion' but you signed the consent form for this. Do not worry. They will respect your privacy and will not disclose unnecessary personal matters to anyone else. Only information regarding my performance and the situation will be reported."

Ranma didn't understand half of that and liked even less. "I thought you'd be a friend," he said to the water.

"I am. I will try my very hardest to be your friend. It's how I am." The two sat in the bath for some time, neither speaking while Ranma's temper cooled in the heat. "Your body temperature is too high. I think we should get out, now." Ranma nodded knowing just as well it was past time to get out. He was starting to feel light-headed. He stood and waded toward the front of the bath. The doll followed behind but not too closely. Together, they dried off and put on their clothes.

"Nice stuff," Ranma commented seeing the doll's clothes. While Ranma was trapped in an ever-changing body and needed clothes that were cheap and gender-neutral, the doll had new pleated gray slacks and a white shirt and blue tie.

"Thank you. Would you like something like this? I could arrange it with my masters."

"No. It wouldn't fit if I turned into a girl and my stuff gets a lot o' wear from fights."

With his body now relaxed from the bath and his mood following suit, the new pair of friends left the bath house to stroll along the street back toward the park. "Have you thought of a name for me, yet?"

Ranma glanced over at the doll. "No. Not yet. Why don't you just pick one? It doesn't matter to me. I'd still recognize you."

"I'll check with my masters. Are you still in school?"

"Yeah. I go to Furinkan Koukou over that way. I live at the Tendo dojo over there," Ranma said pointing in two directions.

"Can I see you, tomorrow?" the nameless doll asked. Ranma looked away trying to figure out how to handle the myriad problems and probable disasters that would imply. "I could ask for you to be let out of the contract but they would know it was because I'm your friend." Ranma continued walking without saying a word. His mind was too preoccupied with finding explanations he could use for survival.

A warm hand found his. "Saotome-san, I will return here, tomorrow, after you get out of school. My masters should have a name for me, a history, an apartment, even money. From there, we could just do whatever you like; even if it's just to talk things over."

Ranma withdrew his hand and wiped it on his pant leg before walking on toward Tendo-ke. The doll matched his pace but did not attempt to touch him. "Doesn't it bother you that I'm really a guy?" Ranma asked, half out of desperation to put distance between them.

"I'm your friend. I care about you whether you are a young man or a young woman."

"Well, I care. If you're going to be that close, it might look gay. My fiancées will kill you. My rivals will laugh at you and break you. And that's after they do that to me!"

"I don't care about what other people think; only what you think. I don't want to see you hurt. I love you and will accept you however you appear. If it hurts you that much to be near me I will keep my distance and help however I can."

Those words, and the utter sincerity with which they were spoken, wrapped around Ranma's chest once more painfully constricting his breath. "I gotta go," he croaked and jogged to the edge of the park before leaping to the roofline.

"I will wait for you, Ranma-chan," the prototype sighed and turned toward where he knew the truck was lurking.

In the tree above the place of departure, a lone Siamese cat yowled piteously at the moon rising in the dusk over the city.


	2. Just a Walk in the Park

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Just a Walk in the Park**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A small commotion at the restaurant's entrance drew her attention. Three customers were trying to enter and ended up holding the door while her Great Granddaughter's cursed form shot inside. Cologne clucked her tongue listening as the bejeweled young Siamese cat could be heard clawing, sliding, and scrabbling across the floor as it streaked toward the staircase in the back. 'I wonder what excitement we're going to have, tonight?' she wondered.

The Nekohanten was busy, just as it always was during this prime time on a weekday evening. "Order up," she called tossing the spinning bowls of hot ramen and broth out over the customers' heads. She didn't bother letting Mousse know what the orders were or for which tables. It was up to him to figure that out. One of her dreams was to, one day, cure him of being an idiot. His vanity, she was sure, was something even time would have trouble curing. Fortunately, a vain fool was rather easy to manage in comparison to, say, a vain genius.

The noise of the crowd enjoying food and company easily overcame the sound of cat's claws tearing up the hall on the second floor but it could not block the sound of a grown girl pounding her way from the bath to the stairway. Cologne listened as Shampoo's feet hammered their way from one end to the other and stopped before turning around to pound their way back to her room. She sighed in exasperation. 'At least she remembered to put something on before giving the guests a free show.' A moment later, the ceiling shook again as Shampoo hastened to the stairway. Cologne moved everything on the counter away from the edge and checked her precautions.

"Great Grandmother, Great Grandmother, emergency, emergency!" Shampoo called racing down the stairs. Cologne closed her eyes briefly and hoped for the best as the girl barreled into the kitchen.

"Did you deliver the order?" she asked.

"What? Oh, yes-"

"Did they pay cash?"

"No. They asked for credit but they are good customers and place big orders but guess-"

"Where is your bicycle?"

"It's… it's over there," Shampoo replied vaguely and waved her hand in the general direction. "I know where it is. I'll get it later."

"Now, are you calm enough to tell me what excited you so?" Her young relative swallowed and controlled her breathing. Cologne nodded for her to continue.

"I saw my husband in that park by the river over there," Shampoo said pointing a finger for emphasis. "He was with another man – a really pretty looking man. They were…" she said dropping into a whisper, "holding hands." Her voice returned to the previous excited state. "And that's not all! Husband let go before they stopped under the tree but that man, he was very beautiful and tall, he told husband he loved him, just like that!" she said with awe in her voice. "Husband practically ran away crying. I've never seen-, well almost nev-, it doesn't happen very often. And never like _that_."

Cologne listened and nodded trying to fit the pieces together while rapidly, yet absently, adding toppings to three more bowls of ramen and stirring the next batch of noodles cooking. "Perhaps Son-in-law was merely wheedling something out of him. You know he likes to use his cursed form. He's very adaptive that way."

Shampoo stared at her a moment before stating, sounding as if in shock, "Husband was a boy the whole time. He did not sound like he was faking tears, either. The tall pretty man, I didn't get his name, said he loved husband whether girl _or_ boy."

Cologne stopped stirring as she absorbed the revelation. 'This could be a disaster. Losing to the Tendo family would have been bad enough but at least Shampoo's competition are her peers. Losing to some cute sweet-talking city-boy is a whole new level of failure to consider.'

Shampoo leaned into the cooler's door and slumped to her heels. "Husband even argued against looking like a homo but the new male was too, too nice about it. I think _that's_ why husband ran away crying."

"All right," Cologne said using the long hooked bar of stainless steel to pull a portion of ramen out of the pot, "we will find out tomorrow. For now, I want you to wait on our honored customers." Shampoo moaned and dropped her head into her knees. "Why were you in that tree, anyway, dear?" Shampoo's posture tensed and she did not bother to look up at her ancestor. Cologne hopped her staff high enough to allow enough time to use it to put a lump on Shampoo's head. "When I send you out on delivery, I expect you'll return as quickly as you can, not goof off in a tree in the park. You're a hundred years too young to fool me now get to work!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Ranma! Where have you been?" Akane exclaimed the minute he walked in.

'She must o' been waitin' to check me for okonomiyaki or ramen-breath,' he mentally complained. 'That Crouton Heaven company is messed up. How can they have a doll that does all that stuff like a real person?' he wondered.

"Oh, my, Ranma-chan," Kasumi gasped, "you have puffy eyes. Have you been crying?"

"They're not puffy. I can tell," he said and would have eloquently explained the many non-crying ways to get puffy eyes, not that they were puffy to begin with.

Akane practically attacked him trying to get a good look at his face. Of course, he couldn't let her see anything, even if there was nothing to see, so he turned around. She followed him. He retreated. She laid a hand on his shoulder and bunched his shirt in her fist to yank him around. He covered his eyes with his hands and tried to break her hold on his clothing. "Idiot!" she barked. Now, he knew he was running in circles and running out of options. Speaking of which…

Ranma made a break for the stairs by the genkan to see if he could reach the safety of his room dragging Akane as she tried to get around to his front while he struggled to keep her at his back.

"Ranma-chan," Kasumi enquired coming out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel, "do you have hay-fever?"

That seemed like the perfect answer. "Yes. It's makin' my eyes all itchy. That's all," he replied.

Akane let go of his shirt, seemingly mollified, when Kasumi added, "That's strange. It's not the right season for hay-fever."

"Ack!" he exclaimed and beat a hasty retreat to his room leaving Akane grasping at his after-image. Once safely inside, he stood in the center of the room chewing his lower lip as today's fiasco continued its endless replay. He wished it would at least do it subconsciously instead of wasting his time like this.

His fingers came up to touch his lips as the most traumatic memory assaulted him. 'Why does this crap happen to me? I didn't need a friend that bad. I can always talk to Akane or U-chan, right?"

The door to his room unexpectedly slid open. He turned toward it and caught an eyeful of camera flash. "Nabiki!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"What did we learn, today, team? It's time for review," Yamachu-bucho announced as his technical team, comprised of the software and wetware specialist Yuugama Yui and biomechanic Kazeyama Hiroki, pulled their chairs around to form a crude triangle with his.

The later piped up saying, "The beta-tester can move very rapidly. The prototype is not mobile enough to keep pace."

"That girl isn't normal, bucho," Yui pointed out.

"I agree," the team leader said, "but keeping up with Saotome-san would make our product impressive to normal humans."

Yui complained, "Just finding the girl after she ran off was a stroke of luck. The sensor range is too short." They all agreed on that point. After the prototype was hastily clothed, the truck had quartered the area while they watched for a response by the prototype.

Yamachu Masunori remembered something he'd heard back at the company. "The research department has an old wide-range sensor. It is too bulky to fit within the unit but perhaps we could link it up as an auxiliary to the internal sensor."

"Linking shouldn't be a problem," Yui commented to indicate feasibility on her end. "I assume the prototype will be carrying it."

Hiroki added, "As long as it doesn't _look_like a sensor…" Masunori and Yui nodded. It would be hard to explain something the size of a toaster, if it was that large, with antennae.

"I will make the call to arrange a conference so we can find out what our options are. I agree, we cannot waste time trying to find the beta tester. The point is to follow the tester closely enough to provide physical and emotional pleasure at a moment's notice," Masunori said. "What else?"

Hiroki scratched his neck and said, "Perhaps it is not always good for the product to remind the user of the contract so quickly after startup." He'd had to run a quick system diagnostic and structural scan after Ranma assaulted it. None of the others replied. This was a subject of continued debate with sales and marketing.

"What about the name?" Yui asked. Three sets of eyes turned toward the unit sitting quietly on its throne observing them.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Ranma…" Akane began and faltered as the two of them walked to school the next morning. 'Oooh, how many times do I have to ask what's wrong before he tells me?' she mentally complained. He resolutely ignored her questioning the night before throughout supper, during the samurai drama they'd watched together at eight o'clock, and the hospital drama they'd watched together with Kasumi after that. Ranma had rebuffed all of her efforts to dig out the truth behind his puffy eyes last night. 'Even Kasumi-neechan tried; probably out of curiosity.'

She decided to give up for a while. 'Ranma's problem, whatever it is, will be back. I'm sure of it.' If there was one thing consistent about her fiancé's problems, it was that they just would not go away, or stay away.

The morning at school started just as it normally did. She was forced to field the occasional, "When are you going to try getting married, again?" questions from some of her classmates while Ranma and his friends seemed content to hang out. When their homeroom teacher arrived, she was forced to put the matter of Ranma's mysterious behavior aside as they greeted the teacher. Lunch, though, was another story entirely.

"Airen!" Shampoo exclaimed rushing in through the door just as the last teacher of the morning left. Akane felt a familiar flare of irritation at the dango haired rival. Even Ukyou slammed her pencil case down in response. The Western Chinese minx wasn't fast enough to grab Ranma this time. Unfortunately, her fiancé wasn't looking very manly being chased around the room in half-panic.

She and Ukyou simultaneously decided to intervene while her classmates scrambled out of the way and pulled desks toward the walls to clear an opening. In a moment, she and Ukyou faced down Shampoo in a two-on-one that transitioned into more of an equilateral triangle of fighting spirit with Ranma cornered between the back wall and windows. "Can't you leave us alone at least until after classes?" Akane said not caring if her voice expressed her irritation.

"Yeah. I was goin' to make Ran-chan lunch, today!" Ukyou added earning her own flash of anger from Akane.

Shampoo grinned and pulled out a pair of spectacles. "You like to know? Shampoo like to know, also." The Joketsu warrior pointedly shifted her gaze beyond Akane, who found herself mirroring Ukyou in looking behind at her wary fiancé standing nervously in the corner. "Airen take too, too, good look, please," Shampoo said. Akane glanced back just in time to see Shampoo lift her top up to expose herself.

A half-formed protest stopped at the tip of her tongue as she tried to fathom what Shampoo was doing that for. Her eyes returned to Ranma in time to see him staring bug-eyed just like a pervert. Akane sucked in another breath and turned back to Shampoo but the girl's eyes were firmly fixed on Ranma. "What the…"

Ukyou took action first, un-slinging her massive spatula. "Just what the heck are you doin', Shampoo?" she demanded.

The Amazonian flasher lowered her top never taking her eyes off of a clearly disturbed Ranma. Instead, she called loudly, "Mousse, you come here now!" Akane, feeling totally confused, turned to the door hoping the duck-cursed boy would, like Shampoo, make an exception and not make his own door. For a few seconds nothing happened. "Mousse!" Shampoo repeated, this time more authoritatively.

In walked Mousse carrying a container of ramen take-out in each hand, wearing only duck-print boxers and sporting a few lumps on his head. His hair was brushed out nicely. She heard a few of the other girls in her class exclaim in appreciation of his tall lean and slightly-cut body. Akane pulled her gaze away to see if this was some kind of plan to make her leave Ranma but found Shampoo's eyes glued to her fiancé's face.

"Ranma, what's going on, here?" she asked in bewilderment.

"Mousse, you come greet Airen," Shampoo demanded.

"I'd rather not," Mousse quietly responded.

"Mousse," Shampoo growled in warning. Akane was becoming more and more confused watching Mousse slowly pick his way toward them, occasionally stumbling into a desk as he approached.

"Ah. Saotome," he said drawing near. Shampoo grabbed the half-blind boy and steered him right between she and Ukyou to stand in front of an equally confused Ranma. "I brought you some lunch, Saotome," he said holding out the ramen containers so his target could smell the delicious aroma.

Shampoo nodded and took the take-out boxes to put on a desk to the side. "You greet properly. Go," she said pulling a bottle of water from a sleeve and twisting the top off using the hand still holding Mousse's glasses.

Mousse hesitated as Akane and Ukyou exchanged glances. She was beginning to suspect what Shampoo was doing and wondered what desperation made her think of something so ludicrous. Ranma blinked owlishly in confusion. 'He's probably wondering what Mousse has up his sleeves in terms of a fight,' Akane concluded just as the Chinese boy threw his arms around her fiancé.

"Urk!" Ranma said intelligently while she, Ukyou, and Shampoo studied his face for signs of a reaction. The rest of the class was more vocal. The girls, especially, enjoyed the show and if it wasn't her fiancé, she might have, too. She was about ready to laugh it off while Ranma struggled with the uncharacteristic attack but noticed his face heating. Mousse, though, broke the embrace and rapidly backed off, almost stumbling over the leg of a chair in his haste. His face was a mask of revulsion and Akane felt a touch of relief she did not have yet another rival.

Shampoo imposed herself between the two boys and held out Mousse's glasses. "Shampoo thank Mousse for helping and return glasses. You come and Shampoo give two, too big reward," she said sounding sickeningly cute. Akane fully anticipated the boy's delight and lunge at his target but she did _not_ anticipate Shampoo would splash her shocked fiancé behind and switch places with her.

This time, the crowd easily exceeded their earlier noise level watching a surprised Ranma-chan try to fend off a nearly naked and amorous bishonen boy. Akane gaped seeing Mousse's hands wander more on Ranma than Shampoo's ever did. 'I think I know why Shampoo hates him,' she thought somewhat abstractly. A glance at the Chinese girl revealed her attention still focused entirely on Ranma. Now, Akane's interest was piqued. 'Is Ranma starting to like guys? Oh, no!"

The damp girl in question recovered from her shock and stuffed her fist in Mousse's face and, for good measure, lifted him off his feet with her knee, once again proving something was not right with Ranma. 'He would never hit another boy there. Or, I didn't think he would.' Mousse crumpled to the floor gasping for breath. Ranma was gasping, too, and her face seemed equally pale. "Ranma?" she enquired but her fiancé was visibly shaking at that point.

"Why did you do that?" Ranma yelled at Mousse and turned to glare at Shampoo, her fists balled and chi flaring in growing rage. Then, without another word, she moved to an open window, pushed the screen out, and jumped after it leaving Akane and the rest of the class in bewilderment for all of a few heartbeats.

"Ran-chan!" Ukyou yelled and left the room the same way. Akane wasted little time and crammed her things back into her book bag before doing the same with Ranma's and tearing out of school after them.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma had to get away. She was furious with Mousse, Shampoo, even Akane and Ukyou, and needed a tactical retreat to higher moral ground. 'I prob'ly shouldn't o' kicked Mousse there but he was askin' for it.' Right now, she was heading toward the park along the river. Wet or not, it was her favorite place outside of ice cream and the Tendo house. 'Maybe I should go see momma,' she thought but quickly kicked that idea into the sky. 'Oh, yeah – see momma as a girl to relax after being molested in front of the whole class. Real smart,' she decided sarcastically. 'And then explain why I'm ditching school, too - wonderful.'

"Ran-chan, wait up!" she heard Ukyou call from behind and quickly decided to shift direction and try outrunning her. She honestly did not feel like explaining right then.

Ranma led Ukyou on a chase to tire her out hoping she would give up. It took more than twenty minutes, if her internal work-out-meter was accurate, but eventually she lost her. Just to be sure, Ranma dodged around a little longer ending on a narrow, residential side street to catch her breath and watch for her pursuer.

"I hope U-chan isn't too pissed with me," she said to herself while keeping an eye out for that very same person. She leaned her back against the high cement wall and focused on regulating her breathing. It helped her to ignore the curious glances from other pedestrians. It didn't take long, of course. She was in great shape and knew it. When she opened her eyes again, she smiled weakly at the old man shooting her a questioning look while stuffing a bag of garbage into a can by the street. There was also little she could do about the two housewives eyeing her dubiously while pushing baby carriages. 'Must be nice to have all day to do nothing,' she thought naively.

Ranma looked at the sun and took a guess at where the park might be. 'I ain't goin' back to school, that's for sure,' she thought and chose a direction. An afternoon stroll and nap in the park was just the ticket. 'Wish I had money f'r a bath,' she though but what she had was used up the previous night.

For a while, she just walked hoping none of her fiancées would see her in the ordinary foot traffic. The park itself was only a couple of kilometers away. 'What am I goin' t' do for food?' she had time to wonder. That idea gradually evolved into an obsession but she was sweaty from her race with Ukyou, had zero cash, and was supposed to be in school. 'Principal Kuno better not be out lookin' for students. That would just suck.'

Her path eventually intersected a more commercial street she recognized and the smell of food made her stomach try and turn itself out like an empty pocket. "Three blocks of this! How will I survive?" she moaned to herself. 'Ooooooh, that smells good,' became a litany she repeated far too often on the way through the shopping district so she was startled when a truck's horn sounded nearby attracting her attention.

"Saotome-san, Saotome-san!" the woman she remembered as Yuuno Chiaki called from the shotgun seat of a familiar unmarked white truck. "We've been hoping to see you! You're out of school early." Chiaki beckoned and Ranma moved closer so they didn't have to yell to hear each other. "Your boyfriend is in back. Yamachu-bucho is-"

"Hold on," Ranma interrupted holding a hand up. "I'm hungry an' could use a bath. I'm kind o' busy."

However, while she was protesting, the side door at the rear of the truck opened and out stepped the doll along with the geniuses testing it.

"But that's wonderful!" Chiaki responded enthusiastically. "I was about to pick up our take-out orders. We can all eat together."

"I ain't got any money," Ranma protested, then got an idea. "Are you buying?" she asked equally enthusiastically.

"No, we're not," Yamachu-bucho cut in. "And we won't be eating with you, either," he added, totally deflating her hope for food, "_but_ your _boyfriend_ can treat you. I'll just take the expenses out of your salary." He pulled a billfold out of a shirt pocked hidden by the lab coat and drew off five, thousand yen notes giving them to the animated mannequin while she watched in rapt fascination.

'How much money am I making?' she wondered. 'Hope I don't eat it all.' Five thousand yen could stretch a long way.

The prototype stepped toward her and bowed. "My name is Asami Kyouya. I graduated last year from Mizushima Technical High School and am currently a ronin studying for Tokyo University. I was born under Gemini with blood type O, stand one hundred eighty-seven centimeters, weigh eighty-seven kilograms, and enjoy track and football. I am very pleased to meet you again, Saotome-san. You are every bit as beautiful as I remember."

Ranma stammered, "P-pleased to meet you, Asami-san," and bowed in return. "Saotome Ranma. Type A and Aries and, ah, one forty-nine and fifty-something right now. I'm really much bigger than this… Canwegoeatnow?" Much to her discomfort, he smiled.

"Yuuno-kun! Get the food, quick! We have a working lunch, today," Yamachu ordered and hurried back into the truck with his staff trailing disconsolately behind.

The doll, named Asami Kyouya now, offered, "I can get you some hot water if you'd like. All you have to do is ask and I will try my best."

"You'd do that?" Ranma asked astounded by how helpful and insightful the doll was being.

"Of course I would. I love you, remember, whether you love me or not. My only desire is to make you happy."

Ranma looked askance at the prototype. 'If that thing's going to say stuff like that to me when I'm a guy…' She could almost hear the accusations of being a fag and, while it wasn't true, most people wouldn't ask her opinion or listen to an explanation – one she couldn't give, anyway. "I just need a disguise," she murmured. "Then I won't get caught."

"What kind of disguise? Why would you wear one?"

"Asami-san, today's already totally messed up. The last thing I need is someone thinking I'm out on a date with a boy!"

"I could purchase some food and we can eat in my apartment. I am supposed to show you where it is, anyway. I do not know how to cook food, though."

"I'm hungry, _now!"_Ranma pointed out. "Let's just get something at a stand." That is what they did.

Nearer the park was a yakisoba stand and Ranma got the second big surprise of the day: Kyouya ate food, too. "I thought you were some kind o' robot, or something," she whispered to him.

"I need food, too. It's how I am."

Ranma's eyes widened at that admission. She had been thinking of the newly named Asami Kyouya as a sort of magical robot doll that just says things to whoever pulls his string. 'If he's got t' eat, does that make him alive?' "What kind o' food d'you like?" she asked blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

Kyouya took a moment before answering while they walked down the busy street, "I don't know. Yuuno-san brings different foods for me to try. Most are different types though some are the same. I never really thought about it. I can eat it all, I think." Kyouya took her hand and halted them. "I was made to love someone and bring that person great pleasure. That one special person is you, Ranma-chan," he stated in utter seriousness and topped his declaration with a kiss on her knuckles as if asking for an ass-kicking. "That is why I am more interested in what _you_ like to eat."

Even if severe punishment for touching was her first thought, she didn't, of course, because he was just a doll made by her new employer so they could figure out how to charm girls. She wasn't a girl, anyway, so it wasn't like she was affected like that but she _was_ embarrassed having someone who _looked_ like a pretty boy do that to her in public. She pulled her hand away, cleared her throat, and fanned her face a little before changing the topic. "This is looking too much like a date, y'know, an' that could be hazardous to your health if rumors get around. Can you get me a cup of hot water or tea; no coffee, please. That stuff stinks too much."

He smiled. "Anything for you." She returned it tremulously. "How hot does the water need to be?" he asked.

That surprised her because no one had ever cared to ask before, or cared, period. "Eh, ah, hotter than me but not hot enough to burn. If… if that's okay. I been burned enough."

"I will go get you some water to change bodies, Ranma-chan, but there is nothing hotter than you are," Kyouya said leaving her alone with some disturbing thoughts.

After watching him leave and satisfying herself he was capable enough to find water, she glanced around at the people on the street and quickly met eyes with three young women not more than a few years older than herself. They took that as an invitation. "Where did you find the bishi?" one asked.

"Damn he's hot. You are one lucky girl," another added.

Her face quickly heated so she covered it with her hands and hoped the girls would go away on their own. 'Please hurry with the water!' she prayed while the envious meddlers giggled. They did not leave, however, without dropping some almost-lewd hints on what she should do with him.

That was how Kyouya found her. "I brought your water," he said gently pulling one hand away from her face to place the cup inside.

"Oh, thank the Kami," she muttered and poured it out over her head triggering the change. Now a young man, Ranma felt immensely more comfortable. "C'mon. Let's go eat," he said as manly as possible.

"There is a beef bowl restaurant just ahead. There are many people inside. Yuuno-san said that means it has good food."

Ranma nodded in agreement. "And it also means it ain't too expensive. Let's go check it out. I been by there before but haven't stopped in, yet, so I want t' try it."

The restaurant, aptly named Beef Bowl, was sandwiched, almost hidden, between a craft and model shop, and a colorful store specializing in nothing more than colorful jewelry for the face, hair, neck, arms, legs and uses Ranma could not even begin to imagine. Kyouya held the door open for him and Ranma strode in, eyes immediately drawn to the large menu overhead. He quickly spotted a couple of small tables for two that were open and chose the cleanest. The two of them sat down and each grabbed a flyer duplicating the menu overhead.

A young waiter, not too much older than Ranma but probably out of high school, came to their table. "Welcome to the Beef Bowl. Can I get you something to drink, first?" he asked.

Ranma hesitated long enough for Kyouya to say, "Please, get whatever you like."

"All right," Ranma decided, "Can I try the melon tea? It's iced, right?" The waiter nodded and turned toward Kyouya who decided to give it a shot, also.

After the waiter left to get their drinks, Kyouya asked, "So, what would you like to do, today? I thought you had classes?"

Ranma groaned at the reminder. "I should prob'ly go back but I'll only get in trouble and the principal might try an' cut my hair, again," he said morosely and fingered the end of his pigtail for emphasis.

"Why?" Kyouya asked, genuinely intrigued. "It looks good on you, though maybe you should take better care of it."

"It does?" Ranma asked, surprised.

Kyouya reached over the small table to touch it, himself. "I think it makes you look cute, Ranma-chan. It's just one of the many things I like about you."

The pigtailed boy glowed in happiness for the tiniest fraction of a moment before his attention was drawn to the table of four women he guessed were in their early twenties and all worked at the same store somewhere given their identical uniforms. "Kyaaaaaa! That's sooo cuuute!" one woman exclaimed to the others. Her three co-workers immediately pinned them with a look of intense concentration, saw what they were looking for, and ducked their heads together to whisper and giggle about it. Ranma half-wondered what they were whispering about and half… not. His intuition was telling him it was best to stay out of it.

"So, then, what will you order, Ranma-chan? Feel free to get anything you like – my treat," Kyouya reminded him. Ranma returned his attention to the menu. The selection was somewhat limited given the focus on beef bowls but there were options and one caught his eye.

When the waiter returned with their drinks and got out his pen and pad, Ranma took the hint and volunteered his order. "The double-beef bowl A-lunch, please," he said with a huge smile. Kyouya ordered the standard B-lunch beef bowl; the lowest priced lunch item that could still be called a lunch, not a snack. Ranma waited until the waiter left before discretely whispering, "You got some way of pretending to eat?"

Kyouya smiled. "I need to eat, too, but not as much. You are only sixteen and may be still growing so please take advantage of me."

"Kyaaaaa!" one of the girls across the aisle cried in response.

"Hey!" Ranma retorted. "I'm almost seventeen, you know."

Suddenly, there was a new presence at their table. "Hi, there. Why don't you two join us?" one of the women from the table asked. She was of average height, that is, taller than Ranma's girl side or about the same height as Akane, and had a pair of yellow barrettes holding her bangs back. He saw her hair was loose and extended only a hand's width down past her shoulders as it hung around the front of her neck.

"Ah, I dunno," Ranma responded cautiously. "You ain't gonna ask us for a date, are ya?"

The young women smiled heartwarmingly. "Oh, no. We know you're taken. We thought it would be nice talking with a couple of cute guys who aren't interested in us that way."

Ranma looked over to Kyouya. "Whatever you want, Ranma-chan," he said in all seriousness but then leveled a look at the woman. "You'd better not try to steal my boyfriend away," he warned.

The only high-schooler in the conversation flushed. "Would ya quit sayin' stuff like that? It's embarrassing!" Two of the girls at the other table exploded into giggles.

"That's so cuuute!" the third woman commented and Ranma now matched the voice with the earlier exclamations.

"Pull your table over here so we can talk easier," stated the one in yellow barrettes. Ranma stood, somewhat uneasily despite the fact they hadn't made an obvious move on him, and Kyouya quickly followed. They picked up the table and set it across the now meandering aisle before retrieving their seats. Introductions were short.

"You're almost seventeen?" the one who introduced herself as Saito Mei asked. She had long black hair gathered behind her head by a toothed clip of some kind and wore oblong glasses with a black plastic frame.

He replied despite his nervousness and said, "Yep. I'm s'posed to be in school, now, but…" Ranma ducked his head and gripped the root of his pigtail.

"What school do you go to?" she asked. "We won't report you or anything like that," she added.

"Furinkan High School," he replied while all of the girls stared in interest.

Conversation paused as the four women were delivered their lunches. Ranma couldn't help but stare at them. They looked so tasty.

"What do you two plan on doing next?" asked the one in yellow barrettes he'd learned was Asuma Yomi.

Kyouya answered, "Whatever Ranma-chan wants. I _do_ want to show him my new apartment."

"Could you _please_stop calling me 'chan?' I'm not a little kid, y'know," Ranma put in a little testily.

"Of course, Ranma-sama," Kyouya said looking utterly serious. The women all hid their smiles very poorly.

Ranma sighed. "Now you sound like a girl I know, Kuno Kodachi. Just call me whatever."

"Sure, Whatever," Kyouya replied, again looking completely serious and earning a bunch of laughs from the women.

"Say," Ranma said attempting to divert the topic, "where do you all work?" he asked. "I've seen those uniforms but I can't remember what store."

The quieter member of the group, Yamashita Hiromi, a tall lanky woman with short hair and eyes almost imperceptibly off height from each other, stated, "We all work at the Mushi department store in downtown Nerima."

Ranma immediately picked up on it. Nerima was completely covered in "city" but there was only one place where skyscrapers could poke out above the commercialized landscape and it was several kilometers east. "Hey, cool. I thought I recognized your uniforms. Are you on lunch break? It's kind o' far."

Hiromi shook her head and Yomi answered. "We all live in the area and decided to meet up for lunch before going in to work. We're on the late shift. It overlaps with the early shift during the afternoon."

"I like how we can usually all get the same shift so we can hit the bar after work or come back home to change and go clubbing," the last of the group said. Kanagawa Nanami was just a little on the stocky side but her chest was big so he figured she had lots of guys to choose from.

"Have you two been there?" Hiromi asked. "Winter fashions have been on clearance and this weekend the spring line will go on clearance, too, to make room for the summer clothes. I work in the Men's department and can help you find the best deals."

Ranma shifted uncomfortably and stared at the empty place where his meal should be. "I been there once with my mom," was all he said.

"I have never been to your store," Kyouya answered sounding inappropriately happy about it. "Ranma-whatever, would you like to go back there?" It sounded like he was being teased by the older man and the women smiled or laughed it off.

Getting exasperated, Ranma answered a little tersely, "I got no money an' I got that problem with water so this is fine." He pinched the material of his shirt to indicate what he meant. "And stop calling me whatever, too," he added.

Unfortunately, Kyouya explained to the women, "Ranma-sama turns into a girl if he touches cold water and back into a boy if she touches hot water."

The women froze in shock all eyes turned on him. "It's a curse!"

"That's impossible," Yomi stated. "Stop teasing us."

"Wait a sec," Mei said. "My little sister is a third-year at Furinkan. She said the first-years are rowdy and weird. One of them is a cross-dresser."

All eyes reverted back to Ranma who instantly raised his hands to deny it just as the waiter brought them another round of iced tea. "No-no-no! It ain't like that. My buddy, Kuonji Ukyou, cross-dresses as a guy but I try really hard not to." It was a good thing the waiter had a fair grip on the glass or it would have been knocked out of his hand and splashed others at their table, too. "Damn it!" she grumbled under her breath.

"Hey!" Kyouya angrily started into the waiter but Ranma interrupted.

"It's okay. It happens all the time," she said. "It's part of the curse to get splashed with the wrong water at the wrong time. I think it likes to humiliate me."

"Oh… my… God," Yomi exclaimed in English.

Mei adjusted her glasses and smirked. "Well, this explains another of little sis' stories; a rumor she did not believe, by the way."

Ranma dropped her face into her hands, ignoring the waiter's apologies as he quickly cleaned the table and left for some paper napkins and a fresh glass of iced tea. Kyouya startled her when she felt his fingers gently brush a damp strand of hair across her forehead and temple. She uncovered her eyes to meet his loving expression and he told her, "You are cute either way, Ranma-sama. I really do not mind what gender you are. I'm still your boyfriend no matter what."

Her face burned and she felt her flush all the way down past her neck. She covered her eyes, again. 'How dare that… that _doll_… that _training dummy_say such mushy crap to me?' she thought but it felt good at the same time, being accepted despite her curse. 'If only one of my fiancées…' she thought, not for the first time. A pair of warm strong arms encircled her. Kyouya had gotten up and she had not even noticed. Still, it felt good to be held without being groped. She took a breath and gathered her confidence. "Thanks, Kyouya. You can go back to your seat, now."

She uncovered her face feeling her complexion cool and Kyouya did as she asked without a fuss or argument. That, too, was something new in her book of relationships. The waiter returned with napkins, a new drink, and apologies. Kyouya asked, "Would you like some hot water, Ranma-sama?"

"No," she answered, "and just call me Ranma." He smiled and accepted it like he did everything else she told him.

Mei finished slurping the juice from her bowl and set it down. Ranma was relieved the women were eating, at least pretending obliviousness at the scene. The waiter returned with hers and Kyouya's order and she welcomed being able to break her hashi apart and dig into the meal. The rest of the women at the table besides Mei were also finishing up while Ranma took the edge off her hunger. Mei hesitantly asked, "Saotome-san, did you also help in the battle to get the grades from the Principal?" Ranma glanced over and nodded. Her mouth was full of noodles. "Thank you," Mei replied with a smile. "I wish you'd been around when _I_ went to school there. There's a big sale this weekend. I work in cosmetics. Bring your boyfriend or your mother, anyone you like, and we'll give you special treatment. All of us are scheduled to be there because it will be so busy."

Ranma gulped down the food to clear her mouth but smiled nervously, anyway. "Thank you, Saito-san," she said trying not to think of the riot if she went shopping with her mother, fiancées, and Kyouya.

Shortly, they were exchanging goodbyes and Ranma was left alone with Kyouya and they quickly worked through their meals. "I'll go pay," Kyouya said and got up. Ranma gazed into her empty bowl but her mind was on anything but the demolished A-lunch. She was on a date, a _real_ date, and a nicer one than she could remember in girl _or_boy form. Her contemplation was broken when Kyouya returned and held a hand out to her. He did not say anything; no flattery or insults, no teasing, either. He only smiled pleasantly and held out his hand. Amidst conflicting emotions, she took it.

They walked together, hand in hand, out into the early afternoon sunshine and she took the lead heading down the street with the park by the river in mind as her confidence and independence slowly restored itself. Once she felt more like herself, she dropped his hand though he continued to keep close pace with her, not that she minded. The walk was nice and helped settle her lunch. Ranma occasionally found distraction in the shop windows they passed whether it was some electronic gadget she could never afford or the interactions between people.

"Saotome-san!" she heard and turned to find Yuuno Chiaki right behind her with a huge smile and full of perky energy.

"Ah! Oh, Yuuno-san," Ranma said, startled at how the woman had snuck up on her.

They exchanged quick greetings before Chiaki got to the point. "I am sure the prototype has mentioned this already but we have rented a small apartment not far from here as a temporary home for him. Here is the key," she said holding out a key attached to a Sampio Neko enamel keychain. Frighteningly cute didn't begin to cover it. When Ranma was too slow to act, Chiaki grabbed her right hand and pressed the key and abomination into it. Ranma quickly pocketed the thing trying not to remember what it looked like. "You should really come see it. The apartment isn't much, just over twenty square meters, but it has everything… except food. He hasn't tried many foods, yet, and doesn't know how to cook it, anyway. It was really a stroke of genius setting him up as ronin aiming for Todai."

Ranma glanced up at Kyouya. "Do you have cram school?" she asked. If he didn't, it would be hard to convince people he was trying to get into college. Kyouya shrugged and they both turned back to Chiaki.

"I'm working on it!" she said defensively. "Putting together a decent set of records and history for him to pass as human in society is hard! Getting the references for the apartment so fast wasn't easy."

Coming to a decision, Ranma said, "Where is it? I'm not going back to school, today."

"That's _wonderful!_" Chiaki exclaimed and two ten thousand yen bills appeared in her hand. "Take this as a grocery stipend and get what you need to fill the kitchen. Oh, and he doesn't have anything to cook with or eat out of, either."

Ranma sighed. "Let's go an' see your new place, first. I want some hot water."

"Anything for you, Ranma," Kyouya answered.

They walked off leaving Chiaki behind. This time, Ranma let Kyouya lead and found he was headed toward the park she frequented. Less than a block away from it, he turned onto a narrow side-street. Partway down the residential alley filled with apartments of varying styles, he stepped into an alcove underneath an older, three-story building and used his key to unlock the door holding it open for her. She noted the location in her mind and paused just inside so he could retake the lead while she looked around.

Following Kyouya up the stairs to the second floor, they found an old woman sweeping the floor. "Welcome back, Asami-san. Did you get your enrollment completed?" the gray-haired woman asked.

"Good afternoon, Ishihara-Landlady. Enrollment in my cram school is not yet complete but I found Saotome Ranma-san here and we had lunch together. She has agreed that I am her boyfriend," he proudly announced, sounding slightly off in his use of language and thoroughly embarrassing Ranma again.

Ranma realized she was trapped, put a fake smile on, and introduced herself like a girl. "Saotome Ranma. Pleased to meet you, Landlady," she said with a formal bow.

"I gave her the other key so please be kind to her," Kyouya explained, quite unnecessarily in Ranma's opinion.

"Well, I am Ishihara Keiko, Landlady of the Green Hills Apartments. If you need anything, please ask and I will do my best," the elderly woman replied. "I'm glad Asumi-san has found someone to look after him." The implication was obvious, even to Ranma. The landlady expected her to help keep Kyouya's apartment tidy. Rather than argue the point, she ducked her head in acquiescence.

The landlady dismissed them by returning to her sweeping so she and Kyouya could check out his new digs. Kyouya put his own key into a door a third the way down the hall facing the backside of the building. She watched while he opened it and walked in, flipping a light switch to illuminate the short, narrow hallway. "This is my new apartment," he said. "The first door to the right is a toilet room. The second is the bath." Past those, the room opened into something just a little larger than Tendo Akane's bedroom. The opposite side of the bathroom's wall was a tiny kitchen with a half-sized refrigerator and a sink. There was no oven or grill to cook on. The rest of the room was almost completely empty save for a futon and small suitcase. "This is all my masters could put together so quickly but they said you would help with the rest," Kyouya explained smiling brightly. "They said I would need many more things to make it look like a real human lives here." Ranma shrugged. She'd lived with a lot less. Kyouya moved to sliding balcony door and opened it. "There are machines here for laundry." She refused to comment on that. Surely he didn't think she'd do his laundry. It was bad enough she'd been roped into setting up his pantry and kitchen. "Would you like some hot water?" Kyouya eagerly asked.

Ranma finally broke her silence. "No, in case the landlady is still around, I'd better leave as a girl. I could give her a stroke leaving as a guy." She turned around and started opening doors to cupboards and the refrigerator. All were empty. He didn't even have a garbage can. Twenty thousand yen wasn't looking like that much anymore. From there, she checked out the bath – empty – and there was no paper in the toilette. "Let's go shopping," she said with a sigh and walked back to the entrance to slip her shoes back on.

"Okay. Thank you for your help, Ranma," Kyouya said and followed her. The first thing they did was head back the way they came and Ranma did her best to stretch the allowance getting daily necessities and enough food to at least make it seemed like he lived there and wasn't some kind of science experiment. The expedition took most of the afternoon but, by the time they came back from their second trip, he had a toothbrush, toilet paper, a garbage can, electric skillet, electric hotpot, can opener, sheets, wash cloths, towels, clothes hangers, slippers, a comb, soaps, and a variety of vegetables and drinks for the cooler. She also stocked him with a few cup noodles. Before they were done putting everything away, she had to explain what they were and why he should use them, not to mention how, a knock at the door turned out to be the landlady with a tray of tea and mochi. Unfortunately, Ranma forgot Kyouya had no table to sit at and no zabuton to sit on.

"Oh, my, Saotome-san. It looks like you're helping Asami-san settle in nicely." Ranma laughed nervously looking around the tiny apartment. It didn't look that way to her at all. They had hangers with nothing to hang them from except for a line outside on the balcony and most of the stuff was unwrapped and put away. The half-full garbage bag was the only real evidence of activity.

"Landlady! Can we offer you a drink? Ranma-chan picked out a nice variety," Kyouya offered.

"They aren't cold, yet," Ranma countered. "Here, Landlady," she said taking the landlady's tray to the kitchenette's counter, "Why don't you sit on Asami-san's futon?"

"Thank you, Saotome-san. My old bones keep asking for more cushioning but I'm too active for that," she said with a laugh.

Ranma quickly unwrapped the cheap plates she'd picked out at the hundred yen store and stacked them in the sink while she also unwrapped a scrubbing sponge, dish soap, new kitchen towel. While she used martial artist speed to christen the kitchenette, she listened while the landlady subtly interrogated Kyouya. 'I wish she'd just _leave_,' Ranma thought checking to see if there were ice cube trays under the flap to the tiny freezer. There were and she put those in the sink to wash next.

She put the new and newly cleaned plates on the tea tray along with six paper napkins and delivered everything to the other two. Kyouya was sitting properly on the floor and Ranma served the landlady first, then him, before going back to the kitchenette to finish cleaning the ice cube trays. She filled them with water and concentrated to use one of the finer points of the Soul of Ice to cool the water indirectly by cooling the ki inside.

"Ranma-chan," Kyouya whispered in inquiry slipping his arms around her, "you're cold."

"Ah!" she cried out, startled by his sneakiness. By then, the water had frozen so it stayed in its trays.

"I wanted to see how you are doing. Do you need any help?"

"No, no," she replied calming herself, "I was just making ice cubes and kind of zoned out. See what Ishihara-san would like while I clean the new glasses. That tea isn't enough if you guys are as thirsty as I am."

"That is all right, Saotome-san," the landlady responded. "I can see you two are busy but wanted to be the first to welcome you. I'll come back at a more opportune time. The other residents are sure to want to meet you two, as well."

Ranma continued in her role as a respectable young woman, protesting the early departure of the landlady and asking her kindly to please return before too long. She rapidly cleaned and dried the tray and tea things for Ishihara while reminding the landlady that she _wasn't_living with Kyouya. Hopefully, that would keep some of the surprise inspections down.

When the door closed with the final goodbyes, she sighed and leaned against the wall, quickly standing straight when it creaked. "What was that going on?" Kyouya asked as they reentered the studio's main room.

"_That_was your first official inspection," she replied. "At every place Pop, my father, and I stayed at on the road, dojo, temple, farm, wherever, the landlord or landlady would always invite themselves in for some stupid reason; that is, when we weren't just laid out on the floor for a night. It's an inspection an' it took a while for me to figure that out. If they liked you, some places would let you stay longer. If not, well, we got to leave a little sooner. Some of 'em are just nasty but a lot are pretty nice an' can do things like lower the rent if you help out. And there's free food, too, if you look hungry enough. Don't think that'll work for either of us. She prob'ly thinks you're rich 'cause you got your own apartment as a ronin an' I won't get any free stuff as a girl 'cause she's a woman."

"I don't think I understood all of that," Kyouya replied, "but thank you, Ranma."

That caught her off guard. "W-why?"

"You were looking out for me. I passed my first inspection as an ordinary human and I now have things her to help me pass the next one. I did not even know there would be examinations apart from those my masters give. And, most importantly, you spent some time with me, today."

Ranma's diaphragm clenched and her eyes tightened with an ache she rarely had with anyone but her mother and Akane. "I need to use your toilette," she said and fled to recover in solitude. 'Why does he have to be nicer to me than everyone else I know all wrapped up together?'

Recovering, she finished her business and opened the door to find Kyouya waiting just outside to gather her in his arms. "You are the only one who really matters to me, Ranma," he said kissing the top of her head and stroking her back. She found herself relaxing into the embrace and struggled to get free. He allowed her to get away but trailed after her into the wash room. Ranma tried to ignore the tall handsome man standing behind while she washed her hands and face in the small sink, again using brand new soap and a towel still smelling like the store it came from. When she looked up at her reflection in the mirror, she saw an emotional girl, not a master martial artist.

Kyouya draped his arms across her shoulders and leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Boy or girl, I love you and wish only to please you."

She shivered and gulped. "L-let's go to the park. School is p-probably out, now." His hands slid around her arms stroking them lightly before settling on her waist and curling across her stomach. Her hands found his and pulled them away before she could shiver again. She left in a daze.

Back outside the apartment, she was surprised he hadn't stayed behind but realized, as a doll whose only purpose was to make her happy, he definitely had nothing better to do than just that. She maintained a margin of distance between their bodies on the way back to the park while her brain restarted.

'What am I going to do with this… _thing?"_she wondered. It was becoming ever more apparent, the prototype boyfriend she was supposed to test was actually a life-sized sex toy. It did not take a genius to figure that out. He was way too good at making her feel like a girl; especially when she was a boy who liked girls, not the other way around. Her mind continued to wander even when Kyouya slipped his hand around hers when they entered the park. Together, they walked down to the path by the river where the sparkling shine off the water captured her attention, mesmerizing her and allowing the real Saotome Ranma to return from the depths.

"Kyouya," Ranma began looking up into his eyes, "H-how can I learn to say an' do stuff like you? If I could make my fiancée, Tendo Akane-chan, feel like you make me feel, we might get along enough to get married an' be a couple, not just get married an' fight like we usually do… not that we're married. We almost were but the other girls, and guys who like them, crashed the wedding an' blew it up. I lost my cure f'r bein' a girl, too." She was babbling and knew it but that was no different than normal.

He paused in his walk and pulled her in close using the hand he'd captured and held for so long. His other arm wrapped around her waist and he towered over her. "Say only what you mean in your heart and say it sincerely. If you find someone you love as much as I love you, I will help you woo her, or him. It does not matter to me what gender you are. Love is being totally committed to someone just as I am to you."

"But…" she whispered leaning away, "but what if she insults me or hits me?"

"Getting revenge is not how I have been taught. I can only give love. If you insult me, I can only ask to kiss you and make it better," he replied leaning over.

Ranma gasped in fear and excitement, pushing back with her hands to keep him from making the explanation more tangible.

"Airen!"

"Ranma, you moron!"

"Ran-chan!"

Kyouya let go of her and added a shove to throw her to her back in the grass. Ranma watched in horror as the prototype she was coming to like brought up an arm, only to have it crushed by Shampoo's mace. A spatula buried itself in his upper thigh a split second before Kyouya was rocketed away by a familiar mallet.

"Kyouya!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"What the Hell?" Kazeyama Hiroki yelled watching the prototype's signal cross the screen at an incredible rate. The optical feed was more dramatic but meant less.

Beta-site test team leader, Yamachu, asked, "Can you calculate where it will stop?"

"Path is ballistic. Topo-map says third floor of this building," Hiroki hastily replied pointing at the relevant location.

"All right," Yamachu said, "Send an intercept path to the driver. No sense in acquiring any further damage."

"Yuugama-kun, check on the long range sensor status. I want it synchronized ASAP. Then I need a better solution for hazard avoidance."


	3. Kyouya Reboot – Taihen!

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Kyouya Reboot – Taihen!**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Kyouya!" Ranma yelled in alarm watching her brand spanking new boyfriend rocket out of the park by the river. She jumped to her feet patting the grass and dirt off where she could reach but her thoughts were elsewhere. 'Oh, crap! They broke him already!'

"You be man again soon, Airen," Shampoo affirmed while Ranma watched the spec arc toward the horizon. A sick feeling gripped her stomach seeing Kyouya, dummy or not, flying off into the afternoon sky.

"Who was that guy?" Ukyou asked. Her question sounded reasonable but her tone, and the way she brandished her spatula, told of her old friend's sharp wit.

"Ranma! You idiot! What did you think you were doing?" Akane screamed laying right into her. "And who was that guy, anyway?" she asked in a huff, almost as an afterthought.

Ranma seriously considered answering their questions but valued her life. "He's just a guy I met – that's all," she said as innocently as she could. Unfortunately, not one of her three fiancées was happy with that answer.

Shampoo demanded, "Airen not woman! Airen _man!_ Pretty man not make confuse."

"He'd _better_ not be confusing him," Akane said in an aside to Shampoo but her eyes never left Ranma. "All right, dummy, what's going on?"

Ranma was scrambled to think up some explanations but her mind was consumed with by two questions: What kind of bits was Kyouya made of, and how mad would those scientists be when they found out about it? She also had no idea how to explain that she'd just spent the last few hours hanging out with a guy who just happened to be a life-like doll programmed to be in love with her… and him. It was time to use the old Saotome creativity and her keen intellect grasped the first thing that came to mind; the river.

Pointing at the nearest large body of water, she told them, "Asami Kyouya-san is an ambassador mermaid I met, yesterday. An' now I gotta find 'im before he declares war on Nerima!"

"Oh, really?" Ukyou drawled suspiciously. Shampoo blinked in confusion.

Akane, though, switched to her nice-mode and offered to help. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ranma. I'll help look for him and apologize."

Ukyou asked, "Why was he trying to kiss you, Hon?" Ranma gulped. The story needed to get just a touch better.

Fortunately, she was a Saotome, meaning she was up to the task as any true student of Indiscriminate Grappling would be. "Because, ah, because a kiss is their traditional greeting. He might even try it when I'm normal… and a _guy!_" Silence reigned for a few heartbeats. Ranma looked on in fear of her little fib being discovered while her fiancées gazes wandered off to the sides and their faces slowly colored. Then, she realized something. 'Leave while they're distracted!' she thought and did exactly that.

She raced through the park, heading where she remembered Kyouya was going, and tried to put as much distance between herself and her fiancées as possible while the option of retreat was still open. 'Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. They said "_free_" repairs, right?'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Yuuno Chiaki listened to the technical team as they assessed the damage. She had just been asked to cease her usual marketing campaign and stand by to contact their beta-tester, Saotome Ranma, once the techies had a plan.

"He's dead, Jim," a straight-faced Kazeyama Hiroki, bio-mechanic, assessed.

Yuugama Yui, software and wetware specialist, and overly familiar with his mannerisms said, "Shut it!"

"Your assessments on repairs?" Yamachu Masunori-bucho asked inspecting a bent metal spatula dripping with ichor.

Hiroki answered, "It will take a day, at least. I will need to replace a few components, two ribs on the right side, and the nano-machines will need time to restore integrity."

Masunori nodded and turned to Yui who answered, "The kinetic impulse reset the prototype. We might as well load the new cognitive kernel and language module. We'll need the beta tester again, of course."

Masunori nodded again. "The long range sensor is due tonight. We can sync it up, then. Yuuno-kun," Masunori shifted his gaze her way asking, "do you have a lock on Saotome-san?"

Chiaki smiled brightly. "Saotome-san is closing rapidly on the prototype's projected original impact."

"Good, good, please intercept her and ask to meet at the apartment we rented early tomorrow morning."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"There you are, Saotome-san!" Ranma heard and turned to see the steam punk-styled saleswoman motioning to come her way. Ranma had slowed from her sprint and now merely hurried along the streets looking for what she assumed would be a cluster of people marveling over scattered robot parts. Changing course toward Yuuno Chiaki, she approached cautiously; again, wondering about the weird makeup design under and over the woman's right eye. Chiaki answered the more urgent question before Ranma could ask about missing boyfriends and makeup. "Kyouya-kun is safe, dear, in case you are wondering."

Ranma felt great relief at that. "Whew! Sorry about… what happened. My fiancés spotted him trying to kiss me and, well… How bad was he brok-, er, hurt?" she asked.

"He will be fine by tomorrow," Chiaki replied with a warm smile before turning serious. "You must come to his apartment early tomorrow morning. It would be best if you were discrete about it," she said. Pulling out another ten-thousand yen note, she held it toward Ranma. "Take this and use it to purchase food for breakfast and anything else you think the prototype needs. I am not sure, yet, but Yamachu-bucho and I may be there ahead of you posing as Kyouya-kun's parents." Abruptly switching off business-mode, she enthused, "It would be super-awesome if we could have breakfast like a family!"

Ranma gaped at the way this woman was handing out money and nodded dumbly in return. "I-I can't take all of this. He doesn't need that much more," she said despite her regrets at having to give it back.

"Humans have lots of things so I am sure you can think of what your boyfriend would have if he were a normal human," Chiaki countered. "If you do not feel comfortable shopping alone, why not go shopping together with me right now?"

"Tomorrow's f-fine!" she stuttered over what sounded like the suggestion of a date. "I got t' go before they find me!" Ranma added in as an excuse to leave. She bowed quickly to the sales-punk woman and executed a fast break for the second time that day.

The first thing Ranma did once she returned to Tendo-ke was take a bath. "Ahhh," he moaned slumping in the tub until his chin touched the water. 'Oh, man. What'm I goin' to tell Akane? Why did I say Kyouya's a mermaid, er, -man?' The answer was obvious. She'd been stark raving terrified of what the girls would think of, and do to, her if she'd told them he was her boyfriend. He wasn't the brightest, he knew, that was a long established fact of life, and he couldn't lie well, or play trump for that matter. The merman explanation was sure to haunt him so how was he going to get out of this one?

"I'm home!" he heard Akane sing from the other side of the house and jumped out of the bath to dry off and prepare for the next round of little white lies. He had to hurry, though, before she started telling the family weird stories like the one she told her.

He put on the now-ubiquitous undershirt before his boxers and gi. Going commando was not worth the risk with the school's ancient and highly perverted master still evading the shinigami. Kasumi's early suggestions to wear more clothing despite the added heat and inconvenience were inexorably taken to heart. At first, he thought she just liked playing dress-up with her but repeated attacks on his, and her, purity had slowly instilled a respect for the protection clothes afforded. He liked looking good, too, no matter which gender he was so he loosened the top of his dougi enough to show a little thinly-covered chest but not quite enough to get pounded for improper behavior.

Feeling ready for the world and somewhat ready for family, he strode down the engawa past his soon-to-be father-in-law's bedroom and turned into the tea room where the family was gathering before supper. Akane spotted him immediately and announced, "There you are, Ranma. Why didn't you tell me you were showing that merman ambassador around town? If you'd just have said something, I wouldn't have jumped to such a conclusion. I hope he's all right." Akane's tone ended in a heart-felt plea for the merman's safety.

Nabiki, sitting cross-legged at the table and sipping an ice tea, shifted a lidded stare toward him. Kasumi, also sitting at the table with her hands around a cool glass of tea, asked brightly, "Is he handsome, Ranma-kun?"

Before he could answer, Akane replied saying, "Oh, sure. He looked pretty nice; _very_ good looking, actually. It's no wonder Shampoo got the wrong impression."

Ranma took a breath and opened his mouth. However, now Nabiki and Kasumi were alert and fully interested. Nabiki asked, "Is he, really? I take it he didn't look too much like a fish – one to ten on the bishi-meter?"

"Definitely a ten but watch out for the strange greeting of their fishy-society. Ranma almost got kissed."

Ranma took another breath as panic welled up inside. Kasumi began to color saying, "Oh, my, Ranma-kun. I'm sure that must have been embarrassing to come so close to a kiss by a handsome man. Is he older than you?"

Akane laughed. "Ranma was a girl at the time, big sis. Stop imagining such perverted stuff." Nevertheless, Akane's laugh was a tiny bit strained as her face colored as well.

Starting to hyperventilate, Ranma was denied yet another chance to make up a reasonable explanation when Nabiki commented, "Strange, I though sea people had fins or flippers or something but it sounds like Ranma-chan was just hanging out in the park with a really cute guy." Ranma stopped breathing altogether as all eyes turned his way. Tendo Soun, hard at work reading the newspaper, let the top fold down so he and his mustache could glare at him. Akane's forehead creased into a "V" making her look like she was working on a math puzzle while Kasumi was subtly smirking over the lip of her glass.

His father came to the rescue pushing his glasses up his nose before clearing his throat to say, "I have heard the flesh of the mer-folk can bestow immortality or a gruesome death. Beware the wiles of the sea, boy."

The staring eased allowing him to breathe again. "How old is he, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked again. "Is he single?"

This time, they actually let him talk. "He's, ah, just out of high school an' a ronin studying f'r Todai. Kyouya didn't miss the by much during the exams an' yeah, he's single."

Too late, he realized he just gave away too much information. Nabiki pounced on it. "Really, Saotome-kun, an ambassador of the sea folk _and_ a ronin student?"

"H-he was raised in the ocean. Of _course_ the exams were hard," Ranma responded in desperation.

Soun nodded and flipped the top half of the newspaper upright so he could get back to reading. "Good of you to show him around the town, Ranma-kun, but I think you should try to stay a man while you do – just to prevent misunderstandings." Ranma's own father had quietly wandered off toward the dojo.

The girls, unfortunately, had no intention of giving up so early. "It sounds like he's a little young," Kasumi commented, "but if Kyouya-kun is a nice enough boy, single, and as handsome as Akane-chan says…"

"What's his name, again, Saotome-kun?" Nabiki casually asked.

"Eh, Asami Kyouya-san," Ranma replied.

"Ooh, nice name. Where does he live?" Nabiki asked again.

"He lives in an apartment but I'm not going to tell you where," Ranma declared crossing his arms as his confidence slowly returned.

Nabiki snapped her fingers and made a disgusted noise. "Darn! I almost had you. Well, can you tell me how many other guys live with Mr. Ambassador?"

"Huh? No one lives with him. He just moved in." Ranma's keen sakkijutsu warned he'd just entered the lair of a predator. Nabiki smiled back showing her incisors. He started hyperventilating, again. "When's supper?" he asked.

Kasumi smiled and answered, "It's not ready yet, Ranma-kun."

"W-when will it be ready?" he asked while Akane watched the volley play out.

"I need to stir the pot a few more times, first," Kasumi returned, sweetly.

"Akane-chan," Nabiki started, "how tall is Asami-san? What does he look like?"

His fiancée replied, "He's fairly tall. Maybe not two meters but tall, anyway. A lot taller than Ranma-chan, that's for sure. He's definitely good looking."

Ranma felt a stab of jealousy because he knew the doll, Kyouya, was better looking than he was but Nabiki caught him by surprise by asking him the same question. "Well, Ranma-kun, is Asami-kun as smoking hot as Akane says?"

"Hey! I'm a much better martial artist!" The rest of the night was sprinkled with scattered questions along those lines and gave Ranma a sense of foreboding.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Great Grandmother, what can I do?" Shampoo pled to her.

It was too bad this sort of thing can't be worked out by guile or force. She motioned her descendent away and back to work. A mental sigh was all she could show in front of the youngsters as they worked the restaurant. 'Ranma's situation isn't unique but it's certainly inconvenient. That boy will be the death of me!' She looked up and threw Mousse four bowls for the table in the corner.

'Mousse is another problem. Shampoo should not have forced him to do that. Now, he'll pout about it for weeks.' One of the social problems their people tended to have is a fascination with boy-love. In their female-dominant society there were plenty of girls and young women willing to give favors, or otherwise coerce, the prettiest boys into a little fan-service. Most boys hated it, though, including Mousse, who she knew had been a popular target. 'If the men were better at handling it and not take such things so seriously, it wouldn't be a problem.' It was, after all, just a phase many young people go through. 'Here I am dealing with another generation of emotional children,' she chided herself. 'I will have to speak to Mousse about his behavior and Shampoo about her options.'

Later that night, after they'd closed shop and cleaned up, Cologne confronted Shampoo, first. "Girl, collect yourself as befits a warrior and leader and tell me what happened," she said speaking in a commanding tone so that Shampoo would know she spoke as an Elder. "I will make us some tea while you arrange your thoughts." Giving the girl some time to pull herself together, Cologne hopped back into the kitchen and made the tea arrangements. When she returned, Mousse was sitting in silence next to Shampoo. 'No doubt he is curious but perhaps he is learning to behave properly.'

She placed the tray in front of the boy expecting him to know his duty and gathered a tall stack of cushions to make herself both comfortable and visible in a seat across from Shampoo. "Begin at the beginning," she stated solemnly and listened as her student relayed today's saga. At the end, she decided she needed a smoke and filled her pipe.

"Saotome is a flamer," an awed-sounding Mouse commented.

Shampoo responded properly by giving him a lump and a brief quality-time-out so her Elder could smoke in peace. Her descendant's tale may contain misperceptions but it warranted consideration. Mousse recovered from his nap and straightened his glasses before she finished weighing the story's merits. "Mister Part-time," she said, jerking him to attention, "How did Son-in-law's ass feel to you?" She knew very well his brand of over-eager wooing.

He paled and flushed and paled, again, only to stammer, "T-that… how _dare_ he impersonate my Shampoo!" This time, Shampoo put him out for the night.

Now, she could get down to business. "The possibility of Ranma becoming more of a proper warrior and woman has always existed. I _have_ been training him as such watching for signs of this."

"You _have?_" Shampoo asked in amazement.

Cologne replied around her pipe, "Of course I have, child. Ranma's status regarding the Kiss of Death and Kiss of Marriage is important, as you well know, but his status as a male defender or female warrior is also of interest to our people – and to Ranma."

"I understand," Shampoo sighed. This was an old discussion, after all, Ranma's talent and skills would be wasted as merely a defender of the home instead of a warrior of the people but the two kisses made the situation difficult and its resolution mandatory. Unfortunately, it seemed her descendent did not thoroughly consider the implications as they applied to Ranma. "But why now?" Shampoo asked. "My husband did not respond to pretty faces in the past."

"The answer to that is likely both simpler and more complicated. You are correct in that it takes more than just a pretty face to capture Ranma's interest. It is up to you to find out what is lacking in your technique. I will help you as always but the strategy must be yours."

"Please, Great Grandmother, just a hint," Shampoo pleaded. "I almost lost to Tendo. I can't afford to fall further behind."

"I am your Elder and will give no hints. If you want advice, go read or ask someone else. This is your challenge and your trial. You swore you loved Ranma and would win him for your own," Cologne reminded her though she knew at the time Shampoo was only trying to restore her honor as tournament Champion and block Mousse's amorous attentions. Her curse was her penalty, as chosen by the gods, and what a penalty it was. The cat was an omen; a creature to be respected but left out of the zodiac. Her cursed form held only a shadow of the tiger's strength. Still, they had held onto hope the _cuteness_ of her form would be of benefit to Shampoo's cause. Ranma's Cat Fist training made it clear the Gods were mocking them. 'Small wonder the girl enjoys mocking Ranma's fear in return.'

Cologne glanced at the boy who had earned his own curse. "Put the duck in his room and go take your bath, Dear. I have some thinking to do of my own." She stared down the rebellious look in Shampoo's eyes maintaining her air of authority until the two teens were upstairs. Then, she poured herself another cup of tea and tapped the pipe out in an ashtray.

'Ranma spends a good deal of time in his cursed body. The gender and age curses bleed-over are second only to the Asura. Something like this was bound to happen but I still wish it would have happened differently. Developing at least _some_ interest in boys is natural but to have yet _another_ outsider involved… None of the girls will let this go without a fight. It's a shame there aren't any seasoned warriors to help guide the children,' she thought sadly. Her duty as Elder was more a burden now than it had been in some time. Calling for Shampoo's mother, or the return of her father, would be of immense help because they could freely advise their daughter but doing so would admit failure. From what she'd heard of the boy's mother, it was unlikely the foreign woman's advice would help, either. 'This, too, is the work of the gods. At least I didn't have to explain the foolishness about mermen ambassadors.' _That_ was at least worth a chuckle and points for originality.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Ukyou-sama?" Konatsu said with a surprised look early the following morning as she came downstairs to practice her new plan.

"Yeah? 'Ssup, Konatsu-chan?" Ukyou replied in as masculine a Kansai vernacular as she could.

"You l-look so handsome!" he replied with saucer-sized eyes.

Ukyou hadn't thought it was possible to both inflate and deflate her ego at the same time. It was a nice compliment after all the work she'd put into padding and binding her torso. Her hair was tied back into a more severe, and hopefully manly, ponytail in an effort to dust off her skills in cross-dressing. She paced around the tables. "What do you think, Konatsu-chan?" she asked practicing her man-walk – the male strut she'd worked so hard on perfecting during her later elementary years and throughout middle school.

"Oh, I am _sure_ you will attract Ranma-sama's attention like that. Do you really think he is interested?"

She paused in her practice. "Ah don' know, sweet cheeks, but ah'm gonna try," she replied. 'Speaking of trying, it's been a while since I did this,' she thought and clasped her hands behind her head. She turned toward Konatsu and flashed him a roguish grin. "Check out this dance move I leaned at a disco joint in Ousaka." Ukyou began undulating, bucking her hips and rolling them in a thrusting motion, finishing with an upward jerk while watching Konatsu to assess his reaction. When she stopped after having found the rhythm, she asked, "So, what'd y'think? Do I need a bigger sock? I tried another one but it looked a bit too big."

Konatsu blushed and looked away. She took that as a good sign. "Maybe I should add a small sausage," she mused looking down at her package.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane woke up to relative quiet and peered at her alarm clock. 'Saturday. Half-day of school.' It was just a few minutes before the alarm would buzz so she turned it off ahead of time. 'Maybe I can get Ranma to train with me this morning,' she mused. That thought gained more excitement the longer it stewed and she found herself eagerly flipping over the covers to climb out into the cool morning air.

She slipped on her robe and stuffed her feet in her slippers before opening her door and heading toward the Saotome men's room. Down the hall and around the corner, she found herself standing in front of a familiar shoji. Long before it had come to be associated with her fiancé and his father, this had been the play room stacked with hers and her sisters' things ranging from paint sets and building blocks to dresses and a tiny vanity with plastic jewelry and makeup. She remembered how Kasumi-oneechan told her that before it was their playground, it was their parents' room and how Nabiki's and Akane's cribs were inside. Kasumi even told her she remembered her grandmother lived downstairs in her father's room and Akane's room had an old, smelly rocking chair their parents used when Akane cried. 'Things have changed so much. It's so hard living with the Saotome guys in here and Happosai downstairs.'

Shaking off the feelings of nostalgia and regret, Akane knocked on the shoji. She was answered by faint, but regular, breathing and slid the door open a crack. Inside was Saotome Genma's bulky form sprawled out on his futon. His glasses lay folded up on the floor above his head. Ranma's futon was gone. She slid the door open a little more and called, "Ranma?" softly into the faintly lit room. The closet door was half open and she could see his futon folded up inside. 'He's gone,' she thought in surprise.

Akane closed the door and padded downstairs heading toward the sounds in the kitchen. As expected, Kasumi was there at the small table sipping tea and reading a pop group magazine while the rice cooker made soft noises. "Good morning, Akane-chan," her older sister said in greeting.

"Good morning, Big Sister," Akane replied. "Have you seen Ranma. I was hoping to practice with him this morning. I woke up a little early."

"He left a few minutes ago. He was up early, too."

"Eh? Where'd he go?"

"He said that merman ambassador's mother gave him some money to buy a few things for his apartment so it would look like a human lived there," Kasumi said with an unreadable expression. "Apparently, that merman, Asami Kyouya-kun, is very nice to Ranma-kun."

"I'm nice," Akane replied defensively. "I can be nice. Asami-san is just a strange foreigner, anyway. It's not like Ranma could be interested. They're both guys."

"I thought you said Ranma-kun was a girl at the time," Kasumi replied, not taking her eyes off the boy-band splash page she just turned to. "Anyway, Ranma-kun took his pack saying he needed to go shopping before heading over to Asami-kun's apartment to see how he was feeling after yesterday's excitement. He said he would probably be late to school or may skip it altogether if he needs to."

Akane stared at the table in embarrassment. She remembered hitting the handsome man rather enthusiastically. Kasumi slid the magazine across the table and went to the cupboard. "Say, Akane-chan, which of these guys do you like?"

The magazine's full color glossy spread showed all of the band together in one photo and had terse biographies with individual pictures below while Kasumi brought a cup back and filled it for her. She read the bio's knowing they were only musicians, not martial artists, and gamely selected one. "I like Kimura-sempai. His acting is awesome and he's really handsome. Katori-sempai would be next, I suppose. He's cute, too."

Kasumi said, "They are all good looking, aren't they. I kind of like Nakai-san. He's the oldest and most professional, even if he doesn't have the best voice." Akane was mentally agreeing with her older sister on the choice. Her big sister would, of course, go for the most mature member. "Which one do you think Ranma-chan would go for if she was interested that way?" Kasumi unexpectedly asked. Akane's train of thought jumped its track. Kasumi prompted, "Do you think she'd like Kimura-san, too, or Nakai-san; maybe one of the others?"

One very small part of her tried to defend her territory, once declared. 'She'd better not like Kimura-sempai. One of the others will have to do.' Akane crammed that thought into her mental garbage can. 'Ranma has some talent in martial arts so she'd probably like a talented singer like Inagaki-sempai.' That was going to be her choice and she was about to tell her sister but just could not bear to admit Ranma might be interested in someone else. Instead, she declared, "Ranma doesn't like boys. We should be checking out the girl idol singers."

Kasumi smiled. "I think you're right, Little Sis. It would be inconvenient for you if Ranma-chan wasn't gay."

Akane's train, already off its track, barreled over a cliff and into a deep dark ravine. "I need to go wash and get ready for school. See you later, Oneechan."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma, himself, was busy buying groceries and some of the things she'd missed getting, yesterday. He picked up a broom and other cleaning supplies, a few cheap zabuton and one well-padded cushion for the landlady's visits, a bag of rice, some spices and seaweed, eggs, a big spoon, a pack of cheap hashi, a plastic spatula, and anything else that caught his eye until his funding ran out. 'Good thing the grocery store is open early. Too bad their price on stuff is higher than the hundred yen store.' He was sure some of the stuff was a lot cheaper at the discount store but it wouldn't be open for hours.

Before he arrived at Kyouya's apartment, Ranma found a puddle on the sidewalk where a shop-owner had just cleaned the storefront and walkway and paused to put a palm in it. Now a girl, she felt ready to pass the landlady's critical eye. Her pack held some of the heavier or odd-shaped items while the rest were loaded into plastic bags from the store. That was how she approached the street where Kyouya's apartment was located.

'I have to be careful so no one sees me,' she reminded herself. It would be just like her fiancés to follow her and she had no idea how to handle it when they eventually found out where he lived. She stuck her horrid-looking key in the main entrance's lock and opened the door. "Hello, I'm back," she tentatively announced and headed toward the stairs.

Just as she put her first foot on the staircase, she heard the landlady say, "Oh, welcome back, Saotome-san. Asami-san's parents brought him home late last night. A drinking party to celebrate his independence," she said with a polite laugh. "They said to expect you, so go right on in, Dear. I'm glad you're looking out for him," she added, not for the first time.

Ranma bowed as well as she could with two fistfuls of shopping bag and a backpack. "Thank you, Ishihara-landlady. I hope he's all right."

"I'm sure he'll feel better once he sees you," the landlady said in return and withdrew into her lair.

Ranma held her breath until she cleared the first landing and controlled it to the second floor. Walking down the hallway, she nearly bumped into a young salary man in black suit and white shirt. He gave her the briefest glance as he hurried by, suitcase and tie in one hand and keys in the other. Toast was hanging from his mouth. Still in girl-mode from her encounter with the landlady, she dodged and bowed. "Please excuse me," she said to the retreating form. He stopped at the stairway and returned the favor before heading down. 'That guy seems all right,' she thought noting he didn't try to feel her up, kill her, or any of the usual stuff.

She set her bags down and knocked on door 205, Kyouya's room. "Saotome Ranma. May I come in?"

The door opened showing Yuuno Chiaki. "Welcome!" Chiaki said brightly. "Good morning, Saotome-san. I know your boyfriend will be _so_ glad you came!" she added loud enough for the landlady downstairs to hear. "Here," she said taking some of the bags from the hall, "let me help you, Ranma-chan. Please, just call me Mother!"

"Let me help you with your bag, Daughter," Yamachu Masunori's voice came from directly behind her in the hall. "My name is Asumi Masunori, Kyouya-kun's father, and this is Chiaki, his step-mother."

Ranma was busy wondering how she missed seeing him out there. "Where… where did you come from?" she asked looking up and down the hallway.

"We popped in last night to celebrate our son's independence," he said boisterously. "Unfortunately, he can't hold his alcohol like his old man so he's sleeping it off right now. Why don't I take your pack so you can come in and make yourself comfortable?"

He had his hands already holding her pack so she shrugged out of it leaving him to carry it and picked up the last two grocery sacks. Inside the tiny apartment there was little light except for that coming from the open bath and toilet rooms and what she guessed was the small fluorescent bulb in the kitchenette. She realized Kyouya still needed some furniture.

Right now, Kyouya _was_ the furniture. He was laid out flat in the middle of the room on his futon and was completely, and utterly, inert, just as she'd first seen him. "Is he broken?" she asked in a near whisper taking her things to the kitchen and placing them on the floor before kneeling beside the prototype.

Masunori answered brusquely in a low tone. "The attack yesterday reset him. You will have to reactivate him, again. He will need a name, too, though I recommend using Asami Kyouya; again, to avoid complications."

That startled her. "Was-was he killed?" A number of unpleasant emotions welled up at that thought – ones she shouldn't have for an animated mannequin.

"He isn't really alive in the sense you are," Yamachu answered. "He was simply turned off and needs you to turn him on, again."

"Oh," she replied numbly.

"He will have lost his memory, though, so don't expect him to remember the last two days."

"Oh," she replied sounding depressed even to her own ears.

"Don't worry. He'll be your boyfriend again soon enough. Now, there are a couple of other formalities to discuss."

"Pardon me, Bucho. Saotome-san, is there anything you need to do with the things you have purchased?" Chiaki asked.

Ranma nodded and got up. She quickly sorted through the bags and put the few perishable items in the now-packed half-sized refrigerator. While she was at it, Yamachu continued explaining. "Most importantly, you have another opportunity to select which mode you would like your lover in; day, or night. The night mode has a greater sexual drive, especially in the evenings. The day mode provides greater emotional support. I will admit we are eager to have you test the day mode. Not many of the beta-testers are willing to try it. They go straight for the night mode. The ratio has become more severe with the latest kernel and equipment updates now that the prototypes can go up to eleven times between recharge cycles."

Blinking in confusion, she asked, "Eleven times for what?"

Masunori's off-color and casual reply would haunt her for some time. "Eleven simulated orgasms – eleven cum-shots, of course. He won't run out for at least two hours no matter how hard you work him."

"Oh, my God!" Ranma exclaimed and clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Please speak more softly," Chiaki whispered in her ear from behind.

"Gah!" came Ranma's muffled cry through her hands.

Chiaki wrapped her arms around Ranma. "Now, now, don't be shy, Saotome-san. Humans mate all the time."

"How did y' sneak up on me?" Ranma demanded in a whisper.

"I was here. You just did not notice me. Which mode will you select, Miss Customer?"

Ranma pulled free of the pushy saleswoman and went to the kitchenette faucet turning it on to get hot water. In a moment, he was back to normal. "Friend mode is just fine. I don't want to do it with no guy," he proudly declared.

"Please forgive Yuuno-kun," Yamachu said, softly. "She _is_ in sales. The day mode is more than acceptable, as I said before. Now, I believe it's time to awaken the prototype. There is no need for a setting change." The chief punk-nerd fished around in a pocket producing a small card. "Here is his identification so he can see how his name is written," he said handing Ranma the card.

Ranma was looking over the ID noting it wasn't more than an index card with name, birth date, and some other stats like blood type. "This isn't official," he said stating the obvious.

"Of course not, we are still constructing false identification papers. We've fallen behind on the application to his cram school but the prototype should have a student ID before too long. He _will_ be hungry once you wake him up." Masunori also extracted a printed sheet and handed it to Ranma. "This is the original story we came up with. It should still be good. Remember to re-introduce him to the landlady, downstairs. He will have forgotten everyone he met yesterday so it's up to you to help cover that lapse. Around his neck is a longer range sensor so he can better keep track of your movements, emotional state, and any approaching danger. "

Ranma ducked his head in acknowledgement before he heard the door open. He stepped to look down the hall only to see Chiaki smiling and holding the door. "What?" he half-whispered in confusion.

Masunori, answered the half-formed question. "We're leaving. We have work to do."

"Wait!" Ranma called forgetting to keep his voice down. Chiaki made a shushing gesture but he motioned them emphatically back. The two looked at each other and returned, letting the door close on its own. "It's just… I had to make up some stuff to convince my family and fiancées your doll, here, wasn't trying to steal me away or make me unmanly."

"What kind of stuff?" Masunori asked.

He nervously scratched at the base of his pigtail before pulling it around his neck to toy with the end. "I… I told them Kyouya was an ambassador merman."

The two strange adults shared another look and turned back. "What is a merman?" Yamachu asked.

"They're s'posed to be sea people. You know, people who live in the ocean. They're just fairy tales, anyway. I made it up on the spot." Embarrassed, he added, "It's not like they're real like the phoenix people, Musk, oni, aliens, crow people, or any of the other weird people I've met or heard about."

The two adults held another silent consultation. Yamachu asked, "What are the defining characteristics of a merman?"

Ranma have his pigtail a soft yank. "They're supposed to be a cross between people and fish. Pop said if you eat their flesh, it will either make you immortal or turn you into a monster. They hate people and try to lure them to their deaths in the water. But Kyouya's not like that!" he quickly added. "It was a stupid story. Sorry."

"We cannot make the prototype look like a fish. I am fairly certain that would contradict our purpose. Are there any other characteristics that do not affect the apparent humanity?"

"Well, they like water. I was thinkin' of sayin' his legs were made by magic so he could pretend to be human," Ranma uncertainly replied.

"I like that idea. Magic is a concept for explaining something incomprehensible to humans. The prototype can also be programmed to swim as a human does. We will do that on the next update. We will also begin backing up his memory in the event of another re-start. That reminds me, there is one other important piece of information: We will be making hardware and software upgrades as the testing proceeds so please do not be startled by any changes you may perceive. Your feedback is very important so please do your best.

"And, as a side note, the plan for this line of products is to link them to their owners by the mechanisms established through the kiss you will soon give, again. However, the link is only to be made permanent through sexual intercourse. If any other were to kiss the product prior to doing the funky monkey, the unit would reset and link to the latest kisser. We have locked that protocol to prevent complications with the beta-testing. Asami Kyouya will be yours and yours alone until the end of the beta program."

Ranma's mouth hung open watching the two kick off their slippers at the entrance and open the door while putting their shoes on. 'Funky monkey?' He shivered. 'No way!'

"Bye, bye, Ranma-chan," Chiaki called from the open door. "Your father and I have to go to work, now. Please take care of Kyouya-chan's headache."

"We're late enough for work as it is, Dear," Masunori added just as cheerily. "Ranma-chan is dutiful and will take good care of our son."

"We love you both," Chiaki called one last time before the door closed leaving Ranma alone with his love doll.

"I feel like I'm not getting a good enough deal; kind of like borrowing money from Nabiki," he muttered. "So, I got t' kiss this thing, again, an' explain everything." Those tasks daunted him.

He approached the totally lifeless mannequin and got down on his knees. 'He's still incredibly beautiful, for a guy. The girls are gonna kill me but Kyouya will be _my_ friend.' His hands moved to check the doll for lingering injuries but stopped short of touching it. 'I still have to kiss it,' he thought bringing his head down close to the doll's lips but shied away. 'It's not right,' he thought, 'It doesn't feel right doing it like this.' Ranma was far from a homophobic like some of the guys at school. Having somewhat ambiguous fiancées and their followers, in addition to his curse and the sickening men after his girl side, had forced him to recognize there were more than normal people in the world. Still, _he_ wasn't like that. His girl side _was_. At least, it would be more acceptable if she could _pretend_ she was normal.

Ranma made a quick decision and went to the sink. When she came back, Kyouya looked less sickening. She hoped it was enough but knew she'd done it this way two days ago so it wasn't _completely_ impossible. Kneeling beside him this time, she stopped to listen for intruders and eavesdroppers. A neighbor next door was up and moving making muffled noises. The ceiling occasionally creaked. A door closed somewhere and she panicked jumping to her feet and tip-toeing to peek down the hall. It wasn't Kyouya's door. Despite that, she quietly padded down the hall and slowly, as silently as she could, turned the deadbolt and slipped the chain into its slot. She took a ragged breath and gingerly walked back to the prototype.

On her knees once more, she placed a palm on either side of his head and temporarily shifted her weight to one hand to verify that, yes; he was cool to the touch. 'I'm going to have to kiss you for what seems like a long time, won't I?' she silently asked him. She sat back on her heels and surveyed the doll. 'At least he's wearing clothes this time.' They were the same ones he had on, yesterday, and weren't the cleanest. 'There's no getting around this, is there?'

"Oh, well. You're just a training dummy after all," she said to herself. "You're going to teach me how to say an' do stuff to make Akane-chan happy or I'm scrapping you," she threatened. He didn't argue. That was good. Her father even said that was a good technique to use on girls. She wondered if it really worked or if her old man was just making stuff up. "Crap. This is going nowhere," she muttered.

Ranma cautiously put her hands on its chest and straddled its waist sliding herself up high enough to reach the doll's lips. She felt something hard along the sternum and found a silvery chain around the neck. Pulling on it, she found a stylized silver medallion with a large, milky-gray stone set in the center. 'Jewelry?' she wondered before remembering about the sensor. "Huh. So that's what it looks like." She tried to put it back but had to undo a couple buttons and redo them once it was inside. Ranma was running out of excuses and she knew it.

Leaning forward onto her elbows, she blushed, acutely aware her hanging chest was making the first real unambiguous contact. 'Okay, let's see what you got,' she thought and hesitantly brought her lips into contact with his. She was surprised, at first, by the total lack of response but remembered it was this way the first time, too. When the eyes opened she stared into them. When his heart restarted, hers hammered in counter-beat. His flesh warmed and his arms moved to encircle her while their kiss slowly, and terrifyingly, deepened. Still, she knew she had to keep this up until he spoke a bunch of Kuno-like nonsense. 'Better than Kuno,' she thought. His mouth opened and the exchange of tongue began. Her own core warmed. She could feel it melt while one of his hands ranged up her back and the other ranged lower. Ranma's right arm shot out to grab the offending limb. She grappled with him, hand and mouth, wishing the process would complete itself.

When, at last, his tongue retreated, she thought the imprinting was done but his mouth opened again and the battle raged once more. 'This thing is stronger than last time,' she tried to growl but nothing more than uncoordinated lip action resulted. Ranma gave up and put herself to studying how the love doll kissed and how its hands moved. She let go of the left arm and resigned herself to memorizing its action so her un-cursed side could try it with Akane. Time passed strangely from there while she studied what her teacher was doing. However, when she felt a lump form in his trousers, it suddenly proved too much.

She pushed herself up and stared, gaping like a fish. "Hello, girlfriend," he said with a gentle smile. He was still poking her with his thing. "You have beautiful eyes," he added and moved one hand from between her shoulder blades to stroke the flesh of her cheeks. She could feel the moisture building but could not bring herself to move for fear of further touching his member with her sensitive area. "You are more beautiful than anything else in the whole wide world. Please tell me your name, precious one."

That was unexpected. "Saotome… Ranma," she returned in almost a whisper.

"I love you with all my heart, Saotome Ranma-chan, and I will always love and support you until the beta-site program is complete," he tenderly responded. That threw a bit of cold water on her fire and she used her palms to push herself upright on his chest. The action forced her bottom into closer contact with something that was previously a threat on the horizon and was now a probing attack on her defenses. "What is my name?" he asked sitting up with her in his arms and making the situation undeniably worse.

Ranma's breathing had stopped while her heart beat triple-time. Looking around the floor in a frantic daze, she spotted the index card and leapt for it. "Here, this is you. Read it yourself. Then, read the other paper, there," she said giving him the card and pointing to the sheet of background story. She now felt cool in a place that shouldn't have felt overly warm and decided to busy herself in the kitchen. Kyouya followed right behind her. "I told you to read it," she snapped.

"I read them both already. My name is Asami Kyouya. I graduated last year from Mizushima Technical High School and am currently a ronin studying for Tokyo University. I was born under Gemini with blood type O, stand one hundred eighty-seven centimeters, weigh eighty-seven kilograms, and enjoy track and football. I live in the Green Hills apartment complex, room 205, Furinkan district, Nerima, Tokyo, Japan and have the most wonderful girlfriend, ever."

Ranma almost didn't respond but realized he needed the background. "Pleased to meet you, Asami-san," she said and bowed in return. "Saotome Ranma. Type A, Aries, one forty-nine and fifty-two kilograms."

Kyouya smiled disarmingly, gently slid his hands under her shoulders, and lifted. "Fifty-seven kilograms and," he said in his sweet tenor before lowering her to the floor and placing his hand atop her head, "one hundred forty-six centimeters. You are in excellent shape, Ranma-chan. Your ratio of fat to mass is low but healty so you must be very muscular. You are also very dense."

She gave him a lidded glare in return. "I'm really a guy who turns into a girl 'cause of a magical curse. Hot water turns me back into a man. Cold water activates my curse and I turn into a girl," she said and used the faucet at the sink to change back and forth. Ranma did not miss Kyouya moving to take his measurements during the boy-phase. "Sit down. Over there," she pointed to his futon. "I'm hungry so I'm going to get breakfast started."

She got out the bag of rice and used the tap to add water to the hot pot leaving Kyouya staring at the strange sensor necklace of his. "Are you angry?" he asked.

"A little," she replied.

"Can you be sad?" he asked.

She sighed. "I probably will be later," she said of the eventuality.

"Can you be happy?" he asked.

"Not… Not right now."

"Can you be sexually excited?" he asked. She didn't bother responding to that one. "You're angry again," he commented.

Ranma sighed again and tried to think about the things Kyouya had forgotten from yesterday while she picked over the groceries to decide on the morning's menu. "Yesterday, we met and you treated me to lunch at the Beef Bowl. It's a restaurant that serves beef bowls. I had an A-lunch and you had a B-lunch. We also met some women who were on their way… they were eating lunch there before going to work. Their names were… were… Saito Mei-san. She had long hair and wore black glasses. Oh, yeah, Asuma Yomi-san talked a lot but was pretty cool. There was a Yamashita woman who was super tall. She was taller than a lot of _guys!_ She didn't talk much, though. I can't remember the other one. She was quiet, too. They all got to see my curse in action.

"By the way, my curse likes to change me at the most humiliating moment. I got splashed when we were eating an' they all saw me turn into a girl," she added. 'It's better he knows now so I don't got to explain, later.'

"Do you like being a girl?" Kyouya asked.

"Of course not!" she replied, hotly. "If I could get rid of this curse, I would, but, until the pools at Jusenkyou are restored, I'm stuck with it. I asked Akane-chan to write a note back to the guide to let him know the cask he sent got wasted."

"Who are Akane-chan and the guide?"

"Akane-chan is my fiancé," she replied. "One of them, anyway. We were s'posed to be married already but Shampoo an' U-chan an' a whole lot o' people crashed the wedding. You met all three of them, yesterday, and they knocked you over the park. Well, Akane did. Shampoo and U-chan hurt you, too."

"Do you like them?"

"Of course! They're my fiancés. I really only want to marry Akane-chan but Shampoo and U-chan got family honor issues if they don't marry me." She sighed and turned to face him. "It's really complicated."

"I love you, Ranma-chan. You can love those women or any other man and I'll still love you," Kyouya said. His eyes looked so sincere whatever irritations she'd been harboring drained out and were lost in those clear black pools.

'This is why I liked Kyouya. He's so nice and doesn't pick on me,' she thought giving him a smile.

"Would you like to have sex, now?" he asked. "Uh, oh, you're angry again. How about if you turn into a guy, first?"

She threw a towel at him and picked up her backpack. "I'm going to take a quick bath," she announced. 'Did they scramble his brain and put it in perverted idiot mode?' She sighed and headed into the toilette room near the apartment's door to take care of business. Tears welled upon finding traces of the dreaded mucus. 'I should have changed into a guy and _stayed_ that way,' she thought but knew it would have hurt much worse if she had been a guy for that. Here, she _knew_ it was her cursed body's fault.

A gentle knock at the door alerted her to Kyouya's presence. "What," she asked in irritation.

His somber voice came through the door. "You are sad now. You said you would be and were right. I am sorry if it was my fault. Please tell me how I can make you happy, Ranma-chan. I want to help."

She finished her business and got rid of the evidence. "I'll be all right in a while, Kyouya. Just let me take a bath, first." He was standing outside and she almost gave in to the urge to slam the door into him but he was just a doll that would love whatever she did. Opening the door partway gave him time to dodge it and let her get out. She fetched her pack where it lay against the wall and ignored him on the way into the powder room.

A lone peg on the wall was all she had to hang her pack. 'Can I really do it after _that?_' she wondered leaning against the door, staring at her backpack. The plan that morning had seemed so innocuous, so much like just another one of the silly games she played to mess with the guys' minds or hang out with the Tendo girls without looking like he was on a date.

Ranma ducked into the bath and started the tub filling before returning to her pack. Shucking her dougi, she started folding it and ended up just wadding the top and bottoms into a ball. 'I should wash it, anyway,' she decided, 'along with Kyouya's dirty stuff.' Her shorts went into the pile, too, and she peeled open a bar of soap to take into the bathing room. "I should have gotten some shampoo and conditioner, too," she murmured undoing her pigtail. The soap would have to do. 'Yuuno-san was right. There _is_ a lot of stuff people need. I forgot how little we had on the road. Now, my hair's gonna feel like crap with grungy soap scum in it.' Conditioner is a miracle he'd been completely unaware of before coming to the Tendo household. The days of narly tangles and scummy hair were supposed to stay as bad memories so he could sneak his hair out longer and look even cooler. 'As long as Pop don't notice it's gettin' longer,' she thought leaving the unspoken consequences of hair-envy hanging.

Washing felt good. It was something Ranma knew how to do, and enjoyed a lot now that a real bath was available at Tendo-ke. 'The bath here is so much smaller,' she thought reflecting on the furoba's limited size. A public bath would be better if it was just Kyouya but flipping genders while naked in a crowd was not her idea of fun. 'Not to mention the old pervert might stop by and start a war. Akane thinks she's so smart wearing a bathing suit in the bath. How am _I_ supposed to do that?' She rinsed the night's sweat and morning's problems away before climbing into the bath.

"Ahhh," he sighed, "this feels so much better."

"I'm really glad you don't feel sad anymore, Ranma-chan," Kyouya happily announced from right outside the wall. Ranma jumped in the tub slopping a little water out. "What was that?" Kyouya asked.

"Hehehe. You just startled me, that's all," he replied but decided he had taken long enough. His stomach needed filling. He got out and turned the faucet on long enough to change back into girl-form. It was a relief to get her body under control and feeling normal again, even if it meant normal for a girl. She grabbed a new towel to dry off and began speaking, knowing Kyouya was probably just outside. "I'm going to wash your clothes, today. You'll have to pick out something else to wear. I think your parents gave you a few things in a small suitcase, yesterday."

"I have parents?"

"Oh, yeah. You know Yuuno Chiaki-san and Yamachu Masunori-san?"

"They are in my beta-test program. Yamachu Masunori is logged as the leader and Yuuno Chiaki is sales and marketing support for trial programs. I have biographies of those two and two others named Yuugama Yui and Kazeyama Hiroki."

"Yeah, well, Yuuno-san and Yamachu-san are pretending to be your parents so if the landlady says anything- I forgot to tell you about the landlady! Her name is Ishihara Keiko-san but you can call her Landlady or Ishihara-Landlady. Be real nice and polite to her. She could kick you out if she doesn't like you."

Ranma reentered the powder room and ran Kyouya's new comb through her hair, leaving it loose to dry after getting as much water out as she could. 'I wish I'd washed it last night.' Time, then, was of the essence so he'd rushed only have his night ruined, anyway. 'Wish I found out sooner she likes guys with long hair,' Ranma said with a mental sigh. Akane's secret admission when they first started talking seriously after the wedding disaster was a shock and he'd ended up complimenting her hair, again, too.

"Now you're happy, Ranma-chan!" Kyouya exclaimed.

'Am I happy?' she wondered looking at the girl in the mirror.

"Are you done taking a bath, now?" Kyouya asked.

"Yeah," she absently replied.

The door opened and a beautiful, well blessed, and stark naked Kyouya walked in. "Is it my turn, now?" Ranma's eyes widened in alarm at the unexpected intrusion as nightmarish visions of Kuno Tatewaki and others flashed through her eyes. She grabbed the towel holding it in front while backpedalling toward the bath. Kyouya, looking clueless, followed even as she dodged toward the far wall. Her heel found the plastic stool she'd purchased the previous day and she fell onto the wall sliding down as her feet slid out across the wet tile. She landed, bottom-first, on the stool and it, too, slid away from the wall leaving her wrong end up.

"Ah-!" she bit off her cry hoping the neighbors wouldn't hear her being clumsy. "Out," she grumbled stopping his advance to help.

"You are very pretty," he said looking down at her.

"Out!" she repeated through grinding teeth.

"I know that position. I can help you with it."

"OUT!" she barked and he retreated. "And close the door," she added feeling like an idiot. He complied. "Ow. That's gonna leave a mark I don't want t' explain." Louder, she said, "You had better be standing in the hall – no, wait – on your futon when I get out there." 'If I find him standing naked in the apartment _building_ hall…' Ranma left that threat unspoken, even in her mind. It was unlucky just thinking about it. She cautiously verified the powder room was empty, got her things out of the pack and started organizing them on what little counter there was. The mirror haunted her the whole time it took to change.

Picking up her wad of laundry, including the towel she'd just used, Ranma reached for her pack dangling from the hanging rod on the outside the bathing room and turned back to catch another glimpse of her form in the mirror. The Furinkan High School uniform wasn't her style but it would have to do. Besides being ugly as sin and far outdated in style, the other disturbing fact about it was that Ranma wore it properly – meaning proper underwear. She left the powder room and found Kyouya standing naked on his futon, waiting for her.

"Go take your bath," she told him resignedly. "You _do_ know how to do that, don't you?" she asked in passing.

He looked rather vacant-eyed a moment before answering, "Yes, I do." Then, he held up the large pendant with one hand, pointing at it with a finger of the other. "Do girls change emotions so quickly?"

She thought about it for all of half a second and nodded. "Go wash and take your bath while I find you something less humiliating to wear." He smiled pleasantly and went to clean up. 'I _swear_ you were more intelligent, yesterday.'

Ten minutes later, a damp-haired Kyouya was out wearing a pair of jeans and a blue-and-white polo Ranma found in his small suitcase. Kyouya evidently only had three pair of underwear, all briefs, three shirts and two pair of pants including what he was wearing last night. 'How is he supposed to get by with this? _I_ could get by with it but _he's_ rich and rich people have more clothes than this. Even _I_ have more than this, now. _Ryouga_ has more clothes. They're just all the same – moron.'

That sale going on today at the Mushi department store was sounding pretty good. Unfortunately, she had no cash left. "I need a phone," she muttered dishing out a bowl of rice for Kyouya and one for herself. "Why don't he have a phone?"

"Do I need a telephone?" Kyouya asked watching closely while she broke an egg over his rice. Ranma did the same to her own bowl and added some pepper and bonito. He mimicked her and the two of them ate in relative silence, occasionally nipping pickles and other vegetables from a platter she threw together.

When they were done, she picked everything up and took it to the kitchenette to clean and put away. Thirsty, she picked a random bottle of soda and tossed it to Kyouya. "You need a phone," she said and chugged a glass of water. "Fold up your futon and arrange the zabuton. Leave the blue one for the landlady. They have an ear for when the best time to accidentally stop by is."

With everything dried and put away in the trash or ice box, she gathered hers and Kyouya's things taking them to the tiny washer on the balcony. Ranma cracked open the detergent box and chose all the medium settings hoping it wouldn't blow up or turn stupid like Kyouya.

Three firm knocks on the door heralded the start of a new dark era in her life. She blew by Kyouya to peer into the peep-hole. 'Oh my God.' The hall was full of people and at the front of the line stood the Green Hills matron, herself, Ishihara Keiko. Ranma pulled the chain and cleared the bolt before opening the door with a false smile. "Welcome, Ishihara-Landlady," she said as full of cheer as she could manage.

"Oh, good morning, Saotome-san. Is Asami-san feeling better this morning? The other tenants and I would like to welcome him to Green Hills. And you, too, Dear. You take _such_ good care of him!" Ranma laughed nervously finding her fingers running involuntarily through her damp loose hair.

Kyouya stood behind on the step up from the entrance proper and towered over her. "Welcome to our home. Please come inside but," he said, good cheer turning to a level gaze, "don't try to steal my girlfriend." He bent to speak into her ear and Ranma could feel the grin grow on his face.

She shivered even while her face heated. "D-don't mind him. He went drinking last night and burned out a few brain cells." The landlady smiled reminding Ranma of the four-legged terrors stalking the streets.


	4. Shopping Together is Fun, part one!

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Shopping Together is Fun, part one!**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma laughed nervously holding the door of Kyouya's apartment open while facing the regal and inquisitive elderly landlady, Ishihara Keiko. The young man-like robo-fool who was embarrassing the bloody hell out of her was currently cupping her shoulders in his large hands after warning the old woman not to "steal" his girlfriend. "P-please come in, Landlady!" she stuttered eyeing the crowd of other curious residents discretely peering over Ishihara at the new couple.

"Saotome-san, I didn't realize you were still in high school!" the landlady exclaimed. "Aren't you late for school?"

Ranma eloquently replied, "Ehhh…" running her fingers through the ends of her still-damp hair.

"Oh, well, then why don't you just run along to school now and we'll take care of Asami-san until you come back," Ishihara said as if consoling her for having to go to school instead of playing with her boyfriend all day.

Words failed her leaving an opening for Kyouya. "I really do not want you to go, Ranma-chan, but I will be here waiting for you so please return as soon as you can." A chill went down her spine imagining all the trouble he could get into with the other tenants and sharp-eyed landlady. Who really knew what he might say, after all.

Her fear seemed well-founded hearing a mature female voce from the hall say, "Aww, that's so _sweet!_ I wish _my_ boyfriend would say such nice things. And the new guy is so _cute_, too."

"Get your things now and get moving, young lady," the landlady said rather imperiously. "You go to Furinkan, unless I miss my guess. I'll call the school and tell them you're coming but you can't dawdle or you'll miss Home Room entirely."

One of the men behind the landlady turned his head to the right to say to the woman who was out of sight, "Why don't you give him some time to settle in before you start chasing him?"

"But-" Ranma attempted to protest.

"No excuses, dear. This is your education on the line. There will be plenty of time for Asami-san this afternoon," Ishihara chided. To Kyouya towering behind, the landlady offered, "She'll be back soon enough, that's for sure."

Kyouya's hands tightened on her shoulders before loosening to slide down her arms. "I am very protective of my girlfriend. Please do not try to kiss her… unless she wants you to."

Ranma's face flushed while Ishihara Keiko responded with a strained smile. 'I have t' get out of here but I can't let that idiot stay!' She latched onto the first thing that came to mind. "Kyouya's got t' go to the cram school an' get registered this morning so he can't stay here."

"I do?" he asked drawing attention away from Ranma to her relief.

"Yes. You do. You were… you were going to meet your parents at the bus stop in front of the record store."

"I was?"

"Yes, but you forgot." Ranma found manipulating him was remarkably easy and took no small comfort in it.

"Where is the record store?" Kyouya asked.

Ranma took the opportunity to turn and face Kyouya but found herself having to look up quite a ways or else look down at the wrong place, entirely. She chose up and strained her neck to tell him, "Put your shoes on while I get my pack." She emphasized her instructions by pulling his arm until he stepped down into the small entryway. They traded places so she could grab her pack from the powder room and dig out her smaller form's soft-soled shoes on the way back to the genkan.

The residents were dispersing, to her delight, leaving only the matronly landlady waiting patiently as she and Kyouya slipped their shoes on. "We'll stop by later when you have more time, Asami-kun," the landlady said hefting the small white plastic sack Ranma hadn't noticed. Inside there appeared to be something like oranges. That was her guess, anyway. It was undoubtedly an apartment-warming gift. "You two get off to school. We'll have a bit of a party later this evening, if it's convenient," she said and left with a bow that Ranma hastily returned apologizing for the inconvenience of having to leave for school; not that she really felt that way.

Taking his hand, she led him to the hall into full sight of the other residents and kept careful pace just behind the landlady on her way down stairs. Ranma attempted to keep up the idle conversation about weather but her thoughts were distracted by all the curious glances, friendly greetings, and gracious smiles directed toward she and Kyouya. For once that morning she was glad Kyouya was currently an imbecile who gamely followed her lead.

The two of them announced their departure and finally left the mansion. Not five steps away from the front door, she halted in her tracks at the realization she was well and truly trapped. 'My clothes are in the wash. I can't go home like this. The landlady is calling the school.' She drew a ragged breath and sighed. "Fuck me!" she moaned.

"Sure. Any time," Kyouya replied and she immediately wished he hadn't.

"Not you, moron," she spat back. "Principle Kuno is back in town and Ishihara-landlady is calling the school to say I'll be there soon. That means I don't have time to run home." Not that she relished the thought of having to sneak into the house to avoid being seen.

"Why do you need to run home? Can't you just walk?"

Closing her eyes, she focused on unclenching her fist. "I need to find a telephone," she ground out through her teeth and rapidly led the way toward the business street where he shopped so recently. Just as she remembered, there was a public telephone between the grocery store and travel agency. There, she fed the hungry machine and called the number on the card she'd been given. "Hello?" she asked.

"Saotme-san? Is there something wrong?" she heard Yuuno Chiaki, Chronos Heaven Sales Specialist, respond.

"Yuuno-san, I think Kyouya's broken," she said eyeing the defective topic of the conversation.

"Why do you think that, Saotome-san? Is there something not right? If you're not satisfied with our product…" the saleswoman implied.

"I'll say. He's actin' like a perverted idiot. Can the guys take a look at him?"

"By perverted idiot, do you mean he is behaving differently than before?"

"Yes! I mean, before, he was cool; nice but not stupid or touchy. Now, he's weird," she said eyeing the sex doll who's hand she held while he listened without apparent concern. It made her feel strangely, impossibly guilty knowing she was talking about him in not-so-complimentary terms right there in front of him. Still, there was a limit to her patience and he'd reached it. If he was a Kuno, he'd be flying toward the Ginza without a parachute or airline ticket. "He's different – definitely different. Can you check him out?" she asked almost pleading. She hated ratting him out like this despite him being a robot.

"I'll let Yamachu-bucho know right away. Can you wait there a few minutes?" Chiaki asked.

Ranma considered the request for a fraction of a moment but decided, "I have to get to school before I have a _real_ Kuno on my hands." Indeed, the merest threat of Kuno involvement was enough to send a shiver up her spine. The novelty of fighting a crazy person had waned _before_ the crashed wedding. Now, she was learning to dread interacting with the entire Kuno genetic pool. The siblings were enough but their father took premeditated insanity to frightening new levels.

"I don't really understand, Saotome-san, but we will be there shortly. Could you ask your boyfriend to remain in that location until the technical team can pick him up?" Chiaki asked.

Ranma wasted no time in ordering her animated mannequin not to move and thanked Yuuno-san bowing to the telephone before concluding her business. "I'm going to school. Do what Yamachu and those others say, okay?"

Kyouya squeezed her hand before letting go and agreed. "I will remain here, Ranma-chan, and wait for Yamachu-bucho." She felt physically ill over her blatant betrayal. His eyes said he knew he'd been branded a looser in hers.

Ranma sucked in a shaky breath and nodded. "See ya after school, 'kay?" she asked as worry and fear over the possibility she could lose him warred with her desire for the old Kyouya. He smiled and she found herself the recipient of a light kiss on her forehead that seemed to suck all of her brains out. Leaving seemed like a fine idea, right then. It was the first and only thought to cross her mind. She tore her eyes from his and fled.

Running through the streets toward Furinkan, fear won the battle in a wholly unwelcome victory. It had a new ally; Principal Kuno. She knew what happened to students who were late to class: they had to fight to avoid punishment. Groveling never worked even if he took sick pleasure in it. "I don't wanna shave!" she cried zooming along the streets, her empty pack flapping on her back from where it was slung over a shoulder. Just as the school's clock tower came into view she remembered girls didn't get a shave, they got a bowl-cut. "Nooooooo! Anything but _that!_ I'd rather have a shave!" Sporting a shaved head was un-cool but manly enough. A bowl-cut was something only little kids and girls got. 'I'll kick his ass if he touches my hair!' she decided steeling herself for a major battle.

Dashing up the street along the school's wall, the pillars of the gate came into view. Jumping the wall would be so easy and was so tempting but it also meant serving detention in the Principal's office if you were spotted. Not even Kuno Tatewaki risked that. 'Well, _especially_ not Kuno.' Ranma ran out of space, literally, and slid sideways to halt in front of the closed entrance. On the other side was the school's arch nemesis, Principal Kuno, himself.

He smiled contrasting his ultra-white teeth with his leather-like face. She couldn't see his eyes behind his sunglasses. "You be late, little wahine," he said. His smile grew into a frightening grin but her eyes were more drawn toward the sheers he held in one hand and the apple he was casually tossing in the air with the other, its stem hissing and sparking. Ranma gulped and smiled back as sweat beaded on her brow. There was something about the man that made her feel like a bug trapped on flypaper with jealous fiancées eager to take a swat at her. Her eyes widened when he approached and held the apple to her through the gate's bars. "Hold dat carefully, now," he said. Ranma's eyes widened but she took the guttering apple determined to toss it a moment before the stem disappeared. With his now free hand, the elder Kuno withdrew a giant, gold-plated key and inserted it in gate's lock. To be honest, Ranma had never seen the gate actually locked or unlocked before. She was pretty sure no one but the Principal had a key like this. It was probably a Kuno thing.

The gate creaked open, testifying as to how often it was used, and he held it for her, his grin becoming ever more feral. She handed him back his apple. "You be getting to class now, little wahine," he said. His clippers snipped the air. She backed away toward the school still suspicious of a sneak attack. The clippers snipped again but this time clipped the stem off at the base. She turned and ran up the steps.

Inside the school entrance, Ranma leaned back against a row of shoe lockers trying to calm her hammering heart. "How did I get that lucky?" she gasped. Peeking out the front doors she saw the Principal insert a new fuse and set it alight. 'He's _crazy!_' she thought staring in amazement. 'Now I need to borrow someone's shoes.' While Ranma was casing the lockers for a pair that would fit, she heard a cry from outside and stole a look through the window. One of the second-years had been spotted coming late and trying to sneak over the wall. "Moron," she muttered but couldn't tear her eyes away from the brief, but brutal, chase. Principal Kuno quickly ran him down in a cloud of hair. When it was over, well, almost over, the sempai was left completely stunned and holding an apple. Ranma decided to forego the end of that story and went back to acquiring a pair of shoes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

First period was almost over and Tendo Akane still had not seen, or heard, her fiancé. 'Where _is_ that idiot?' she wondered, not for the first time. Her eyes spent more time on the empty desk than on the blackboard. She was startled out of her obsession by a note tossed across the aisle to land in front of her. She glanced at the diminutive teacher to be sure Miss Hinako was still enthralled by her pack of colored chalk and opened the note.

"Look at the rear entrance," it said so she did. The door was slid partly open enough to see Ranma-chan's head peeking through about half a meter off the floor. Dark hair spilled loosely around her cursed fiancé's head and she wondered what Ranma was up to _this_ time.

"Ranma, you idiot, what are you doing?" she mouthed across the rows of students.

Her fiancé mouthed back, "What?"

"I _said_," she whispered; temper flaring, "what are you doing?" The students between them did their best to lean forward, backward, and anywhere out of the way. Yuka giggled.

"Mmm?" Hinako-sensei turned around to see what caused the happy sound. Akane quickly faced the teacher and schooled her face. The rest of the students also fell in line and did their best to look attentive. The teacher blinked and pulled out a five yen coin pointing it at her fighting fish. A moment later, her drawing of a house with vaguely male and female stick figures and a tree with colorful leaves shaped like flowers was obscured by a more mature set of hips covered by a miniskirt. "Was someone having fun without me?" she sternly asked. The whole class shook their heads rapidly, Akane no exception. "Saotome-kun, please enter and take your seat. I have a note stating that your tardiness has been excused."

Akane's attention shot to the rear door. "Do I have ta?" she heard Ranma say in an atypically subdued tone. Hinako-sensei's hand rose and pointed at Ranma with the coin trapped in a "V" between her fingers. "Okay, okay!" she protested. Akane almost fell out of her seat at what she saw when Ranma opened the door.

"Woah, Ran-chan," Ukyou gasped, "you're cross-dressing now, too?"

"No, no, no," the pretty girl in shoulder-length hair protested, waving her hands in denial.

Akane's temper flared hotly. "Ranma, you perv-" she started to say and stopped abruptly finding her teacher's coin now pointed at her. Both temper and fighting spirit were sucked through that tiny hole leaving her feeling wasted as if she'd pulled an all-nighter with the dojo destroyer. Akane's head slumped to her desktop. It was all she could do to glare at her fiancé as the _girl_ made her way to her desk nearby. 'At least Ranma looks afraid of me,' Akane thought morosely though she could easily have been afraid of the teacher.

Struggling to regain her strength, she watched Ranma carefully for signs of perversion but only found evidence, which was unnecessary at this point, of stupidity. "Hey," Ranma whispered to her while Hinako-sensei started writing English words having to do with candy on the blackboard, "I need t'borrow a paper an' pencil."

"Nuhhh," she protested while Ranma rooted through her book bag.

"Thanks, Akane," Ranma returned tearing a sheet of paper out of her notebook.

Akane would kick his ass after school. She'd already decided it was fine and that the rest of her family would understand if Ranma was bludgeoned a bit for being a stupid idiot. However, now that her mind was made up, it turned toward another problem. Ranma's appearance was very much like an ordinary girl. '_That's_ not right. He _hates_ dressing like a girl… unless he's got an angle… or Kasumi-neechan wants to play dress-up with her… or she feels like showing off. That _egomaniac!_' Akane took some small satisfaction in seeing her fiancé's eyelids droop while Hinako-sensei's lecture droned on. It was obvious Ranma was only pretending to take notes but soon the teacher would notice her pencil wasn't moving. Then, Akane would have the last laugh.

Seconds ticked slowly by as her strength returned. Akane now had the energy to smirk at Ranma, who was slowly drifting off to sleep. When Ranma rested her head against a hand to prop it up with her elbow, Akane chortled in glee, not caring if it came out like a fit of convulsions. 'Any minute now, she'll be caught and, _zap_, that idiot will get drained just like me!' She braced her palms on the edge of her desk and strained to pick her head up.

The school bell suddenly rang. "I want all of you to memorize your vocabulary this weekend and remember, your homework is due on Tuesday," Miss Hinako announced before gathering her materials and walking out.

"Uhhh, no fair," Akane moaned, still struggling to sit up while the class exploded in a flurry of questions to Ranma. Having been denied vengeance, she had to settle for watching Ranma get harassed by his friends, Daisuke and Hiroshi, while more than a few of the girls began lending support and advice regardless of whether Ranma was listening or not.

The tall, stylish Daisuke slapped both palms on Ranma's desk and cried, literally, "Saotome, we _demand_ you set us up with the best looking girls in our class!" He was one of the better looking boys with shiny black hair parted neatly down the middle. Too bad he was such a perverted idiot.

"Yes! Yes!" Hiroshi agreed, also crying. Akane idly wondered why the boy through the effort of lightened his hair to such an ugly, sandy brown color, yet rarely bothered to comb it.

"What?" Ranma yelled leaning back in her chair.

Daisuke followed her fiancé, leaning forward over Ranma as her smaller frame gave whatever ground she could without hitting her head on Ukyou's desk behind. "Now that you're a girl, Tendo Akane-san is free!" Daisuke said. "Hiroshi wants to ask her out! We need you to set them up!"

"Hey, I'm right here, you know," Akane said as her fire returned and lent the strength to sit up.

"Ran-chan, that's a great idea!" Ukyou added, unhelpfully.

Hiroshi clenched his fists raising them toward the ceiling. "Yes! Please help me!"

"No!" Akane found herself saying in stereo with Ranma. It was hard telling who was more revolted by the idea.

Ukyou slumped with a sigh but Daisuke was not yet finished. He stood straight giving Ranma some much needed breathing room and clapped both hands on Hiroshi's shoulders. "I tried for you, good buddy. I really tried but don't lose hope. Maybe Tendo-san will agree to a double-date with Ranma-chan and I."

"You really think so?" Hiroshi pleaded to his best friend.

"Ye-" Daisuke started to say but was interrupted by a pair of fists from the pair of irate girls he'd been accosting.

Akane pulled back her fist as she watched the pervert's trajectory across the room get interrupted by the wall. Ranma's fist was still outstretched but her eyes were tightly closed. "All right, dummy. Start explaining," she said placing her hands on her hips, in part to keep from throttling her overly feminine fiancé.

"Well," the formerly pigtailed girl said giving Hiroshi a look that sent him scrambling to see if Daisuke was all right, "I had to leave early this morning to help get Asami-san set up better in his apartment." The admission set off a whirlwind of whispers around the class. Akane felt her face heat. Ranma looked clueless, as usual. "I wanted to help him make a good impression on his landlady so she wouldn't give him crap or kick him out so I took some stuff to, you know," she said fingering the skirt of her jumper, "look like a respectable girlfriend."

Akane's eyes bugged out and the class went into an uproar. Ranma must have heard _some_ of the comments. She began backpedaling until she ran into Ukyou who had a dangerous glint in her eyes and a very large spatula in her hands. "I didn't mean it like that! I swear!" Ranma babbled in a panic but Akane didn't care to hear any more. Her blood was raging. The classroom quickly emptied of panic-stricken students – except for Ranma who raced around leaping over desks trying to explain. "It was just pretend! He's not my boyfriend! Not like that! He's just a friend who's a boy!"

Akane and Ukyou eventually gave up the chase and the students filed cautiously back in while the two of them caught their breaths. Ranma, however, hovered near the door until everyone was seated and the second period teacher, Kojima-sensei, spotted her on his way in and told Ranma to take her seat. Her fiancé gingerly sidled down the aisle to stand by her desk. It was mildly satisfying to see her gulp and try watching Ukyou behind and Akane from the side. The graying teacher faced the class while the representative ordered the greeting.

Once the students were seated the teacher coughed into his hand for attention. "Kuonji-kun, if you are thinking about poking Saotome-kun with that, please don't." Akane's head swiveled in time to see Ukyou reluctantly withdraw the sharp end of a normal-sized spatula. Ranma's head whipped around, too, catching her in the act. Ukyou laughed sheepishly. "This is not the class to talk about lifestyle choices. This is history. Please save that discussion for another time."

At the end of second period, Akane found herself, and Ranma, corralled by Yuka and Sayuri. "All right, you two, what's going on?" Sayuri demanded. Behind her and Yuka were five of her other classmates who also just happened to be curious friends. Ukyou listened attentively though she just happened to be testing the sharpness of her giant spatula with sheets of notebook paper. Yuka crossed her arms indicating Akane would not get out of this without a fight.

"Ranma met a merman ambassador," She explained. All eyes went to her fiancé who was suddenly occupied with touching her index fingers together. "Tell them, Ranma," she ordered.

Her fiancé looked up from her fidgeting. "Kyouya… Asami-san is studying to get into Todai. His parents gave him a small apartment. I was just trying to help get stuff for his apartment an' make the landlady happy."

"What about the merman?" asked Kurosaki Shun, perhaps the shyest, most obvious boy-hunter in class. "I'll be he's really awesome like all of Saotome-san's friends. Could you introduce me Saotome-san?"

'_Totally_ obvious,' Akane thought. "Yes, Ranma, why don't you introduce us to your _boy_friend?" she asked somewhat caustically.

Ranma twined her hair around a finger; a nervous habit that looked cute when _he_ did it with _his_ pigtail. A glance at the boys in clusters outside of the no-man zone revealed two, maybe three, with blushes, including Daisuke. She angrily slapped Ranma's hand from her hair. "Why are you wearing that?" she pointedly asked.

This time _Ranma_ blushed. "M-my clothes were dirty. I was just goin' t' wear this until the landlady left but she kicked me out an' called the school before I could finish the laundry – didn't really 'spect to come to school today." Akane stared at Ranma. Yuka and Sayuri exchanged glances. The whole class gossiped.

Then Akane's curiosity won over and she lifted a corner of Ranma's skirt. "You're wearing a slip! Is it over your boxers?" she announced to the class in total disbelief. There was a mad scramble to answer Akane's question right before the third period teacher arrived. The boys were especially persistent. Ranma's mystery remained so until school let out for lunch. She was sweating and paranoid-twitchy the whole time.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Who's shoes are those, Ranma?" Akane asked her. The two of them were on their way to the school entrance having left the classroom together. They weren't walking very fast so Ukyou gave up trying to tail them announcing that she had to get back home to open for the lunch crowd. She did no sound as enthusiastic about it as she normally did, though.

Ranma followed her fiancée down the step into the locker area and slipped off her borrowed footwear. "Eeeehh…" she said stalling for time as she perused the lockers in the area she'd found her shoes, much to the consternation of a few other girls also trying to change. Her own shoes were in the box labeled "Harusaki Susumu" and that was what she told Akane who snorted and told her to write a thank-you note. Ranma shrugged and decided it was a fair request. Luckily, she still had a blank sheet of paper and Akane's pencil.

"Harusaki-sama," she began to recite while writing, "I had to borrow your shoes. Thanks. Saotome Ranma." She had Akane check the spelling. It took her fiancée a minute of squinting before Ranma gained her approval, or as close as she thought she'd get.

The two of them met up again on the steps outside while other students streamed by. "You should really get your own shoes, Ranma," Akane said. "That note wasn't much, either. Make sure you find out which class she's in and thank her properly." Ranma rolled her eyes but didn't disagree. It burned to have to be reminded like a little kid but Akane was right. "Why didn't you just go home and change?" her fiancée asked.

"Kyouya's landlady, Ishihara Keiko, told me I had to go to school. It's not like I wanted to," Ranma complained.

Akane huffed, "You never do, so why?"

"Because Kuno's here," she answered as if it should be obvious.

It took Akane a moment to remember which Kuno and what happens to those who are late. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I practically _ran_ to school. That evil landlady called ahead and warned them I was on my way."

"You didn't get cut…" Akane left hanging.

"No. Pineapple-head let me through." She wasn't about to explain how terrifying the experience was.

"You should have just skipped."

"What, and have him sneaking into my room at night or jumping me in the bath?" Ranma retorted.

"Oh. Yeah. Principle Kuno wouldn't do that, would he?" Akane asked with a little laugh but Ranma noted her free hand went up to guard her hair, anyway.

"He's a _Kuno_," was all she said. It was all that needed to be said.

"Fairest tree-borne kettle-girl, you called and I answer. How might the noble house of Kuno serve you and my dearest Tendo Akane of the fiery spirit?"

"You could get lost," she suggested.

"Were it any other wish I would fulfill it to your complete satisfaction," Tatewaki announced holding his practice sword high into the air.

Akane sighed. "Kuno, would you _please_ just leave us alone?"

"Nay, I cannot, for this day I had heard a sweet rumor the pigtailed girl is no more a slave of the vile sorcerer, Saotome, and I see that it is true. You have given up the protections of childhood and laid down your innocent virtue to take up the mantle of a woman in full blossom. Come! Let us join with the fierce tigress and enjoy the fruits of the earth!"

"You're a fruit I _don't_ like," Ranma replied levelly. If the bonfire next to her was any indication, Kuno would soon be fruitless, himself.

"Fear not my flaming angel," he said to Akane while Ranma's sakkijutsu screamed for a tactical withdrawal, "for my love is far greater than one mere woman can handle-" She could guess where this was going as well as Akane. She could also guess Kuno would nail the wall beside the gate hard enough to leave a mark. What she couldn't guess was who would show up standing _in_ the gate after the idiot slid down saying, "I fight on for your love and our children!" He followed his proclamation with a short nap.

"Hey, who's that?" Yuka asked in awe at the bishonen older boy.

"Isn't that…" Akane started, shooting her a questioning look.

"Kyouya!" Ranma called. He waved and smiled at her. The tension from her Kuno encounter drained away the moment she saw him.

"_That's_ your merman?" Nabiki asked in disbelief. Somehow, she'd snuck up on her and Akane again. Nabiki was like that but Ranma was learning to expect it of her future sister-in-law, so she ignored her and trotted up to Kyouya with a grin of her own. She was, by the way, completely oblivious to the rest of the student body.

"Hey, Kyouya, whatcha doin' here?" she asked.

"You helped out a lot this morning. My parents and I are very grateful, Ranma-chan," he said with that pleasant smile she'd liked so much. "I also told them you suggested I buy some new clothes. They agreed and gave me their credit card saying I should ask if you wanted to go shopping, too, so here I am. Are you busy this afternoon? We could have lunch first if you want." It was a long-winded explanation but the weird sexual tension wasn't there anymore, much to her relief.

"Sure!" Ranma agreed. The offer of free food, even if implied, was more than enough to sway her.

"I'm Tendo Nabiki," Akane's sister said jumping into the conversation, "I don't believe we've met."

Kyouya's gaze shifted to the second-year behind her and Akane. "Asami Kyouya. Pleased to meet you, Tendo-san," he said. Shifting again, he asked, "Are you Tendo Akane-san? I think we've met but I don't remember."

Akane blushed and laughed nervously. "I'm Ranma's fiancée," she managed to get out.

Kyouya smiled wonderfully. "You are a _very_ lucky young lady." Akane's blush crept down her neckline.

"Say, Asami-san, is it true you are studying to pass Todai's entrance exam?" Nabiki asked, sounding not quite casual to Ranma's ears.

"It is true," he replied. "I missed the cut-off before graduating and hope to pass the next exam. Saotome-san is helping get me settled in my new apartment near where my cram school is."

Ranma piped up asking, "Oh, yeah! Did you get registered?"

Kyouya's smile lit up again when he faced her. It made Ranma feel very special having someone so obviously happy to be around her. "I did. My parents actually handled most of it but I'm ready to go. How is school going for you?"

Fingering her loose hair, she tried avoiding the topic. "Ahahahahah," she giggled, "It's all right I guess."

"Make sure you do your best. I know you will succeed if you give it your all." From anyone else, it would sound lame and dorky. From Kyouya, it just wasn't. Ranma ducked her head.

"So, you're going shopping with your parents' credit card? Mind if we come along?" Nabiki asked though Ranma knew it was less of a request than it sounded.

Unfortunately, Akane voted for the same. "Where are you going? I haven't been shopping in a while and I'm sure Kasumi-oneesan hasn't either."

Kyouya sent an inquisitive look her way. It felt great to be the center of attention _and_ to be asked. "Those women we met yesterday at the Beef Bowl said the Mushi department store is having a big sale this weekend. Let's go there." Akane beamed in pleasure despite Ranma not actually asking her along. 'Oh, man,' she groused.

"Yes, let's all go shopping!" Nabiki proclaimed.

"I would take great pleasure in adorning my fairest maidens in gifts befitting their astounding beauty," Kuno said reentering the conversation, much to Ranma and Akane's chagrin. "But lo, who is this?"

"My name is Asami-"

"But hold, as these lovely girls' sempai, I must introduce myself first. I am Kuno Tatewaki, star of Furinkan High School and the one, true love of these beautiful ladies and unfortunate classmate of Tendo Nabiki. I see that you are no gentleman for you will not introduce yourself."

"I am Saotome Ranma-chan's-"

"How dare you address my tree-borne-kettle girl, my sweet-tempered love so filled with innocent vigor, in such familiar terms?"

Ranma wasn't about to watch Kyouya get his head handed to him for the second time in as many days. She grabbed his hand and ran. "Meet us at the station!" she called back. "And hurry!" There was some heavy thumping in the background as she ran out the gate dragging Kyouya through the air that reminded her of a pile-driver. She was glad she wasn't there to witness the brutality.

She didn't slow until she reached the station. It would have been much more convenient to have Kyouya run alongside, if he could keep up, but she was worried Kuno wouldn't stay down for very long. He was a lot like Happosai that way. She shivered at the connection.

"Does he make you uncomfortable, Ranma-chan?" Kyouya asked as they climbed the steps to the station.

She suddenly realized she may not have enough money for the fare. "No, I… yes. He reminds me of someone I'd like to not be reminded of… or something like that. Hey, do you have money for the train? I might not have enough."

"I think so. My parents gave me ten thousand yen and their credit card. They said the limit was fifty thousand. It is partly a reward for your help this morning."

"All I did was pick up some stuff at the store and help cover for the landlady's surprise attack… unless you count my complaint to Yuuno-san."

"My cognitive kernel was flawed. Yamachu-bucho said you were the first to complain even though it was only installed on three other beta-site units before me. He said the other beta-testers did not notice the degraded performance. You are very well thought of at the company," Kyouya stated while paying for their tickets. "He said that."

"He did?" Ranma asked feeling out of her element. Someone thought she was smart, or something.

"Yes, he did. Yuugama-san reloaded my original cognitive kernel. She said the update will be repaired and tested before it gets recompiled and reinstalled."

"I'm… not sure what all o' that means but it's cool as long as you don't do that perverted idiot stuff again."

Kyouya gave her a ticket for the train leaving Ranma wondering what to do while they waited for the Tendo women and her eyes fell on a vending machine. She was hungry. It was lunch time. She knew she should wait, though, until the rest of them showed up or Akane would get all irritable about it. "Hey, can you buy me a juice?" she asked Kyouya.

"Of course; what kind would you like?" he asked approaching the vast array of ubiquitous appliances. There were plenty of vending machines inside the station but it wasn't a pleasant place to wait. Being outside and sitting was way better.

Ranma took a minute to review the choices and it came down to either a vegi-fruit, or apple. She didn't feel like anything too sweet but apple went down easy and ended up choosing it. The greatest miracle was Kyouya paying for it without leering at her. It felt pretty good being treated like one of the guys instead of a target. She smiled at him in gratitude while Kyouya picked out a fruit blend. They strolled back to a section of a half-wall near the station entrance that was low enough and they both sat down to wait for Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane tried to hurry her sisters to the train station but neither could be pushed much faster than a walk. "Come _on!_" she implored. She and Nabiki had raced home. Well, not literally or she'd have won by a long stretch but she'd kept pace with Nabiki to encourage her to move faster. Akane quickly explained to Kasumi they were all going shopping and that was that. Her oldest sister had made a light soup and was going to serve bread with it for their midday meal. However, it took very little convincing to get her off of her cushion at the table and headed upstairs to change. Nabiki was anxiously waiting for them when they came down. That was why it seemed so ironic the two of them had ganged up on her to walk at a normal pace.

"I'm sure Ranma-kun will wait for us," Kasumi said. Akane knew her sister well enough to offer a prayer to the Kami that her fiancé would actually wait for them. If Ranma got impatient and decided to leave ahead of them, her sister might decide to hang cats on him again for her amusement.

"I'm sure Ranma's _verrry hungryyy,"_ Akane drawled for effect. The implication should be obvious: never get between a Saotome and food. She was feeling snacky, herself, but Ranma made a better example. Martial artists such as herself and her fiancé burn a lot of calories, after all.

Kasumi refused to compromise saying, "Calm down, imoto-chan. We'll get there when we get there. He will just have to be patient. You said he was bringing his new friend, right?" Nabiki interrupted with evil laughter. Akane's head spun around to give her sister a wide-eyed look of fear. "Anyway," Kasumi continued, "We haven't been out like this in a while. It should be fun."

Eventually they reached the station to find Ranma-chan and Asami-san sitting together on a concrete embankment in front of the station. The no-longer-pigtailed girl held an empty can in her hands while another empty sat on the wall on Kyouya's other side. Ranma waved happily, which Akane and her sisters returned. Kasumi shot her a mild look as if to say, 'See, I told you so.'

"Hey, guys, what took you so long?" Ranma said as they approached. "Let's go. I'm starving." Akane shot that look right back. Kasumi didn't seem to notice. Neither did Nabiki, for that matter. She had her eyes elsewhere. Akane gave up and led the way to the ticketing machine.

"Aren't you going to introduce us, Ranma-chan?" Kasumi asked sounding surprised.

"Oh, yeah," Ranma said, "this is Asami Kyouya-san. He's a merman ambassador studying for Tokyo Daigaku." Ranma's voice faltered at the end but she recovered. "Kyouya, this is Tendo Kasumi. She's nineteen this year so you're almost the same age. Tendo Nabiki you met, sort of. She's a second-year at Furinkan Koukou where Akane an' I go." Ranma's tone told that she'd end the introductions there so Akane cleared her throat and kicked her fiancé lightly in the calf. "Aaand, this is Tendo Akane. She's my fiancée. You met her before," Ranma quickly added. She and her sisters traded formalities with the merman but there was something about her sisters' conversation that set her on edge.

The five of them entered the station finding the next train would be almost ten minutes away. Nabiki used the entire time to ask Kyouya questions about his family, life as a merman, and if he and Ranma were dating. Her fiancé quickly denied the dating when she overheard but Akane found herself in pleasant, three-way conversation occasionally made slightly edgy by some of Kasumi's comments. The train arrived in no time and they quickly stuffed themselves inside. That put a damper on the discussions until they got off at the main business district, meaning _giant_ business district.

Akane always loved travelling, especially coming here where Nerima's tallest buildings and richest shops were collected. One of the crown jewels was the Mushi department store. It was one of the most glamorous in Tokyo that was, at the same time, accessible to her 'class' of consumer. Stealing a glance at her fiancé, Akane enjoyed the wide-eyed and darting gaze Ranma had. It was as if she were trying to see everything at once. 'And she probably _is_,' Akane thought. "Ranma, have you ever been here, before?" she asked already guessing the answer. Ranma shook her head bringing a grin to Akane's face. "Well, you'll like this place. This store has _everything._"

"We need to get Kyouya some stuff," Ranma said somewhat dazed; "new clothes," she elaborated.

"I'll help," Nabiki offered sounding uncharacteristically helpful to Akane's ears. Ranma, too, had learned enough about Nabiki's type of help to give her a hairy eyeball but let it go after that. Akane sympathized feeling a sense of camaraderie. After all, when it came to her sisters, she and Ranma were both stuck on the losing team.

"Hey, what about lunch?" Ranma asked sounding affronted by the very fact she'd forgotten about eating, or maybe it was because everyone _else_ forgot. She had a point, though.

"There's a nice restaurant on Mushi's top floor," Nabiki suggested.

"Only _Kuno_ can afford to eat where _you_ like to eat," Ranma said sarcastically and followed it with a little humph. Her mood sweetened even as Nabiki's soured. "Let's ask around for someplace that's awesome, but cheap!"

"That's a good idea, Ranma-chan. Who should we ask?" Kasumi said breaking the mostly silent funk she'd been in since the train ride.

Akane smirked seeing Nabiki shoot a disgusted look at Ranma and her elder sister. "Fine, whatever," Nabiki said airily but Akane knew she was torqued. "Let's ask these people," she said pointing at a well-dressed pair of gaijin. Now it was Akane's turn to shoot a disgusted look at a sibling.

Ranma quickly took the wind out of Nabiki's sail. "No way; they're rich." Looking around, she spotted her mark and walked right up to him. "Scuse me, officer. I was wonderin' if you knew a place we could get lunch that was good but cheap."

The foot patrolman shot Ranma a brief look and added Akane and the others before giving the crowd outside the station another scan. "Furinkan High School?"

"Er, yeah. How'd you know?" Ranma asked.

Akane felt it her duty to explain this little fact of life. "Maybe it's because we have the ugliest and most ancient uniforms of any school in Tokyo, Ranma."

"It's that bad? I knew it was bad but _that_ bad?" Ranma blathered.

"Shut up, Saotome," her cranky older sister put in: it wasn't Kasumi.

"Hmm. Saotome Ranma-kun… That sounds familiar," the policeman muttered giving Ranma a more intense examination.

Of course, her idiot fiancé wouldn't shut up and blurted out, "I don't have a record… I think. It's prob'ly my old man!" The man in blue and white wearing a helmet and gloves narrowed his eyes. "I'm not engaged to one o' your kids, am I?"

Akane clamped her hand over Ranma's mouth and put her in a head lock wondering how to explain they were really here for a nice afternoon of civilized shopping. The man in the helmet gave her a special, "you're not contemplating a crime right here in front of me, are you," look and she found herself backing down. Ranma's raspberry at her very nearly balanced with jail time.

"I just thought I recognized you, young lady, that's all. Now, about places I might recommend, what kind of food do you feel like?" he said to them.

Ranma answered with impunity. "Uh, a _lot_," she said as if it should be totally obvious. "We're all students of Indiscriminate Grappling, except for Tendo Nabiki-san, who's pretty brainy an' doesn't do physical stuff, and Tendo Kasumi-san, who does all the work around the house, an' Asami Kyouya-san, who's a merman ambassador." The look of disbelief she received should have been obvious even to a blind man. Even Ranma picked up on it. "It's _true_," she said, "Kasumi-neechan does practically _everything!_"

Akane was too embarrassed to stop Nabiki from making loopy signs behind Ranma's head. After all, how _do_ you explain to ordinary folk about the sea people?

"Principal Kuno didn't… _make_ you like that, did he?" the policeman asked glancing around.

"What? No way! I'd kick his ass if he wasn't so crazy. I kick his kids' asses enough, anyway. So where's a good place to eat, man. I'm starving."

The policeman became much friendlier after that and gave them directions to a group of street vendors near a small park where food was fast, delicious, and relatively inexpensive. Akane was impressed that Kyouya actually paid for all of them, even if he claimed it used most of his money so another meal was unlikely.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Back at Tendo-ke, Shampoo had arrived with an offering of fresh and spicy ramen made from hand-spun noodles in a delicious traditional broth. "Where _is_ everyone," she wondered looking around. The house was empty. The dojo was empty. There were no notes on any of the tables inside. It was as if the whole family had just up and left… 'for the beach!' she thought briefly but discarded that notion. It wasn't hot enough and the water would be a bit cool for this time of year. With no clues, they would be hard to track. 'Thirty million people in a town covered with concrete.' Finding them would be exceedingly difficult if they wanted to flee but she did not see that happening. 'They will be back. This just gives me time to set a new trap. Somehow, I will win Ranma and I _will_ defeat the duck. I'll show _him_ who's boss.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A few blocks away, Kuonji Ukyou was cleaning her grill as the flow of customers eased. "Ah, this is the life," she thought glowing in satisfaction. Seeing her customers stuff their faces like starving animals or slowly work through half an okonomiyaki with a smile was the biggest non-verbal compliment she could ever hope for. They came, they ate, they paid, and they came again. As long as they were happy, she was happy.

Even Konatsu was happy. A group of foreigners came in without an interpreter and ended up leaving a huge tip for him. He was almost in tears when he showed her his pile of nine hundred-some yen. 'I hope he doesn't giggle in his cupboard all night.'

Her thoughts turned toward her fiancé, Saotome Ranma, and the growing distance between them. She sighed, 'Were we ever close?' she wondered. 'I'm going to go butch, full bull dyke, and see where that gets me,' she decided. 'If I can't win Ranma from that guy or Tendo Akane…' The alternative was to go totally feminine; something she had no idea how to accomplish and wasn't really comfortable doing, anyway.

"Stupid old man!" she muttered thinking of her father.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma rested a hand upon her distended belly. At least, it felt distended. Her perception of the world was saturated with endorphins and octopus balls. She smiled up at her boyfriend, Asami Kyouya. 'He's all right now that his brain's fixed.' Listening in on the Tendo girls right behind and to the side, she felt she'd done her good deed for the day. Kasumi was talking animatedly with both her sisters and even Nabiki had relaxed away from the dry sarcasm of the morning.

Stomach full and ready for some laid-back action, she and Kyouya climbed the short flight of wide steps to the grand Mushi department store, easily identified by the stylized Romaji lettering and happy-faced butterfly. The inside, from what she could see, was imposing already. Bright golden lights from spot-lamps or tiny, star-like bulbs were visible through the dark-tinted glass and lit up any number of expensive-looking glittery objects. That included the clothing on mannequins. Of course, brightly glowing caterpillars of various colors with chubby grins were sprinkled around along with iridescent butterflies hanging from the ceiling. Ranma peeked at her friend and inhuman sex robot (not that she was thinking about him like that) and saw no discernable reaction. That was good. She wouldn't know _what_ to do if he took offense over imagined violations of mannequin rights.

Feeling a bit more courteous than usual, she mirrored Kyouya in holding one of the double-doors open for the sisters earning a smile from Kasumi, who entered on her side. Once she followed them in along with Kyouya and got her first real look at the entrance, Ranma was completely confounded by the opulence. The shelves had only one, though sometimes two or three items, on them and each item had its own spot light. Everything looked like a billion yen.

The store greeters bowed to them and Ranma followed Akane's lead in response. "Waaaaaa," she whispered, her mouth hanging open.

"Would you like to look around first before we head to the men's section?" Kyouya asked her.

Ranma had no idea how to respond to that. 'Look around, where? Everything is hugely expensive! _I_ can't be here.' Then, she imagined what might happen if one of the other guys she knew were to spot her and start a fight. 'Holy fuck! I'd have to leave the country! I'd never be able to return!'

"Ranma-chan, there is a directory over here," Kyouya said from a kiosk in front of an escalator. The Tendo sisters were already there so she shook off the spell placed upon her and hurried to rejoin the group. Nabiki was inexplicably occupying the place near him so she was forced to sidle between Kasumi and Akane. It wasn't all bad, though. Being this close to a non-violent Akane was an accomplishment.

She gingerly placed the fingers of both hands on Akane's left arm while pretending to decipher the store directory, trying to be casual about it. Her fiancée noticed and smiled faintly using her right hand to cover Ranma's. The thrill almost stopped her heart. She looked down while her face heated.

"Ranma-chan?" Kyouya enquired.

"Even the floor is shiny," she said covering her blush. She didn't want to move for fear of breaking contact with the girl she liked.

"Why don't we take care of Asami-san, first?" suggested Kasumi.

"We just got out of class and had dinner," Akane protested. "I need to visit the restroom."

Ranma had absolutely _no_ objections to that idea. Kasumi and her sisters agreed. There was a restroom in the back of the floor. The five of them wove their way among the aisles toward the rear of the store. Akane steered her toward the women's entrance, which made her distinctly uncomfortable almost as much because her fiancée was looking out for Ranma's female aspect as because Ranma _had_ a female aspect and couldn't just follow a lifetime of ingrained habit and enter the men's room.

Nothing about her life was easy, though. The minute she was separated from Kyouya and the door had closed behind them, Akane betrayed her by lifting the hem on her school uniform. "Check it out! Ranma's wearing a slip!"

"Oh, my, Ranma-chan, that's very proper of you," Kasumi gasped sounding both astounded and pleased. She also sounded like she giggled but that may have been Ranma's paranoia.

Nabiki wasn't nearly as oblique. "Dressing like a woman and picking up hot guys; that's not exactly manly."

"You're not starting to like boys, are you dummy?" Akane asked dubiously.

Ranma responded as if it were obvious. "Of _course_ not! Kyouya's just a friend. I'll call him here-"

"You'd better _not_, dummy. This is the _women's_ room," Akane interrupted.

Kasumi asked, "Who's underwear are you wearing, Ranma-chan?"

She protested, "It's mostly mine."

"Mostly?" Kasumi asked.

"Oooo, Ranma-chan. Borrowing Akane-chan's slip without permission like that…" Nabiki said with a sly look toward her little sister.

Kasumi pretended to be affronted at the same time Akane didn't have to pretend. "Ranma, you idiot, if you change into a guy wearing my slip I swear you're buying me a new one!"

Ranma felt only the tiniest amount of vindication when she announced, "It's not Akane's. Nabiki has a whole bunch of 'em an' only uses them for school so I figured she'd never miss this one." Akane laughed and shot the middle Tendo a raspberry.

Nabiki wasn't laughing. "You're buying me a new one, _today,_ Saotome."

"But I haven't changed into a guy wearin' it!" Ranma gulped as Kasumi's eyes narrowed on her and drifted downward.

The eldest Tendo suddenly advanced into Ranma's personal space while Nabiki retorted, "That's only if you wear _Akane_-chan's underwear."

Ranma wasn't giving Nabiki's explanation of rental fees as much attention as she normally would because Kasumi had her backed into the spotless countertop between the two sinks. "Please cooperate, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said in her deceptively sweet voice. "This will only take a minute." Ranma had just enough time to realize the oldest Tendo daughter had flipped between gracious and pushy modes. Akane figured it out a bit faster and decided to help settle the matter as she held Ranma while her sister lifted her fiancé's hem.

In a moment of panic, Ranma almost lashed out with a leg but Akane's command in her ear, "Don't move! We just need to check something," stopped her struggle before it could start. Akane took the opportunity to put her in a full nelson. She still felt her face warm watching as Kasumi checked the style and tag on the slip she borrowed from Nabiki, who took that moment to pick a stall and lock its door from the inside. Nabiki's getaway did not, unfortunately, distract Ranma from her predicament or Kasumi's hands on her waist.

Casually, almost as an afterthought, Kasumi pulled hard on the slip's stretchy band and confirmed that, yes; she was wearing the underwear her mother bought for her. "Well?" Akane prompted her sister. Ranma would have sighed in relief when the eldest Tendo let go of her school uniform allowing her to regain some lost modesty but Kasumi surprised her again with a bright, pleasant smile and undid a button on Ranma's blouse just above the jumper's neckline. Kasumi, still smiling, hooked a finger inside and pulled on her brazier until that, too, was identified. She gave her sister a curt nod.

The scene was embarrassing enough to Ranma but became more so to all involved upon the arrival of a pair of middle-aged and younger Mushi customers. The two newcomers paused just inside the door. Both were extremely well dressed and had rather short and severe hairstyles. The younger wore an expensive looking suit with three-quarters length skirt, the older a tomosode of muted colors. Kasumi let go of Ranma's front and spun around. Ranma nearly stumbled when Akane released her hold. "You young ladies should mind your behavior in public," the middle-aged woman warned.

"Oh, my, we're sorry if we disturbed you," Kasumi told them giving a very polite bow. Akane joined her and pushed Ranma into one. "Please, go before us," she offered. "We were just having a family discussion."

"Thank you, young lady," the older woman said and headed straight for an empty stall. The younger of the two paused to stare at them before taking another. That left one open, which Kasumi made a dash for without looking like it.

Ranma moaned but Akane said, "Quiet, dummy."

Deciding to ignore her fiancée, she complained, "But I haven't done it since this morning. Besides, what was all that for?"

"Just testing a theory," was all Akane would say.

"What theory?" Ranma asked intent on pestering an answer out of her fiancée.

"Just a theory…"

Ranma waited, bored but trying not to hear the flowing water, until Akane fished within her purse for a brush and touched up her own hair followed by Ranma's. A toilet flushed and the middle-aged woman exited. Akane gave Ranma a push toward the stall.

The cursed boy resigned herself toward completing her business while the others completed theirs. "Why am I even doing this as a girl?" she muttered. "I'd rather change back into a guy."

Akane whispered back, loudly and emphatically, "Shut _up_ Ranma!" so Ranma confined her grumbling to her head. A couple of flushes preceded two doors opening and one slamming closed while Ranma tried to calm down enough to do her business. It wasn't easy in a women's room full of women. Situations like this tended to land her in hot water. Just thinking about the terrifying opportunities for more humiliation set her nerves on edge. Straining only produced an embarrassing toot.

'Water, think of cool running water,' she began reciting trying to reach a more relaxed and peaceful state of mind.

Nabiki called, "I'll just be browsing outside."

There were more sounds of restroom use and idle conversation that Ranma eventually tuned out. Once she'd finished and stood from her squat, adjusted her panties before settling her uniform, Ranma exited and went to wash. The two other customers were at one sink staring at her in the mirror. They were the only ones left.

Taking out her handkerchief, she began washing in cold water trying not to stare back at them. "You wouldn't happen to change genders, would you, young lady?" the older one asked.

Ranma froze and stared back at their reflection. "Hehehe," she laughed nervously, "Eh, maybe."

"Were you born a… girl, or a boy?" the younger asked.

She laughed again in the face of impending doom. Her sakkijutsu sent waves of panic along her spine. "Boy, of course!" she answered with as much bravado as she could.

"Of course," the older one stated as if it should have been obvious. That put her somewhat at ease. "And you started changing during puberty, right?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane was growing impatient waiting on her fiancé. "Hurry _up_, Ranma. We haven't got all day, you know." She needed Ranma safely in her sight before she could give her full support to her big sister, Kasumi, who was smiling pleasantly at her middle sister, Nabiki.

Nabiki had tried but the only way to escape Kasumi's wrath was to make a tactical retreat from the battlefield and, at the moment, Nabiki was trapped by her own vice. It was like the story of the monkey trying to retrieve a banana from a jar. A fancy store like this one was her favorite playground. Kasumi knew that as well as her sisters. "Where is he?" Akane huffed and scuffed a foot across a tile in displeasure.

Kyouya ignored the sisters entirely staring only at the door to the ladies room just like he had since they came out. He was waiting for Ranma like any good boyfriend would do. 'Well, two can play at that game,' she thought and began tapping a foot on the shiny tile while her eyes bored into the door. 'I'm her fiancée.' Nabiki tried to drift further away among the displays and Akane was forced to leave her post to help herd her sister back. The last thing she wanted to do was spend the afternoon chasing Nabiki through Mushi's multiple levels.

Grabbing a golden purse off an illuminated glass shelf, she twirled and stepped in Nabiki's way while Kasumi subtly cut off retreat to the next isle. "Wow! Would you look at this? I wonder if this has enough pockets for a big load of money." There was a way to handle her sister but it was dicey given her intelligence. Opulence was the best bet. Nabiki knew nothing about the art of war. She excelled in mental battles and did well scheming but rarely practiced planning and executing to that plan against people who weren't total suckers. She lived for the moment. Glittery things happened to be the topic of this moment. Nabiki examined the construction and pockets of the golden purse while Kasumi picked up another one for comparison. 'Where is that idiot?'

A couple of minutes later, Ranma exited the toilet along with the two, wealthy-looking customers and spotted them. Akane motioned to her and Ranma and Kyouya soon rejoined the Tendo group. "Sorry," she apologized, "we got talking. They're pretty cool. When I told them how good a martial artist I was, they wanted my contact information. So, what's goin' on?"

Akane sighed with relief. Why her sister wanted to wait, she could only guess. Ranma _was_ involved and almost family, though. She gently lifted the hundred-thirty thousand yen purse from Nabiki's hands and set it back in its place while the store employees looked on with their condescending smiles. They knew who had money and who did not.

Kasumi took Nabiki's hand so Akane did the same with Ranma's. The eldest daughter guided Nabiki toward the escalator to the second floor while Kyouya trailed after with an ignorant yet curious look. 'He's a merman after all,' she chided herself.

Once on the escalator, Kasumi turned to stare down her sister with one of _those_ smiles. "Nabiki-chan, how is it Ranma-chan is wearing my slip? I thought she said she borrowed it from you?"


	5. Shopping Together is Fun, part two!

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Shopping Together is Fun, part two!**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Things are looking up, eh, Tendo-kun?" Saotome Genma whispered through a broad grin. His boy was holding hands with Soun's youngest as the teenagers rode the escalator to the next floor. He and his old buddy had overheard the girls planning an outing with his son and decided right then they needed chaperones; secret ones, of course. That led to the surprising discovery of his son's cross-dressing date with the supposed merman. Only Soun's stark terror of being found out by his girls convinced Genma to continue their stealthy reconnoitering. 'Why is my boy wearing a _girl's_ Furinkan High School uniform?'

"It seems so, Saotome-kun," came the mustachioed man's delayed response, his eyes glued to the teens.

Genma's spectacles glinted with tiny reflections of golden spotlights while glancing at his friend. He had long gotten used to the vague answers. The habit was likely developed from years of dealing with a household of females. 'Some people were born to suffer,' Genma reflected for the barest moment before watching his child disappear up into the next level. "They _were_ holding hands."

"I don't trust that new boy," Soun whispered back.

"Why? He's handsome and supposed to be wealthy. Either of your older daughters would be okay with him as long as Ranma and Akane-chan get married," Genma rebutted.

"I know," Soun whispered back, "but I want to watch him for a while before making any decisions."

Genma held his peace as he peered over the display. 'Tendo-kun was always too cautious; not by a lot but just enough to miss an opportunity. Still, that boy is supposed to be a merman,' he thought with no small amount of worry. 'He'd better not try an' seduce my son.'

The interloper disappeared up into the second floor and Genma stood from his hiding spot next to the checkout island giving the all-clear sign to his partner, who was casually reading a newspaper beside a mannequin decorated with a filmy dress and colorful purse as if the two were discussing the weather.

He shot a suspicious look toward the saleswomen corralled within the check-out island. They had started the glaring war several minutes earlier and had the advantage in number. 'Ha,' he thought with a smirk, 'you amateurs aren't even close to my wife's league.'

He rejoined Soun and the two of them deliberated on the dangers of riding the escalator versus taking a more hidden path to the next level.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma stood beside Akane on the escalator to the Mushi department store's second level. She felt mildly uneasy looking up into Kasumi's scariest smile as the eldest Tendo stared down the middle one. Kasumi had just asked what sounded like a loaded question. "Nabiki-chan, how is it Ranma-chan is wearing my slip? I thought she said she borrowed it from you?" Ranma stole a glance at her fiancée and received a tight-lipped smile and a squeeze of her hand.

Nabiki's hand rose to cover her mouth and a nervous laugh. "Oh, that goof, Saotome-kun, probably went through _your_ dresser and forgot where she got it."

Kasumi's piercing eyes and out-of-place smile fell on her just as the escalator began dumping them off on the next. "Ranma-kun, did you go through my room looking for that slip?"

"N-no! I checked out Nabiki's after Akane's 'cause I 'membered she has all the good stuff!" Akane's comforting grip instantly became rather _un_comfortable. "Ow! Knock it off, tomboy!"

Akane let go and backed Ranma into Kyouya, who the Saotome girl had forgotten about. "You went through _my_ room, too?" Akane asked, temper flaring.

Kyouya unexpectedly wrapped an arm around Ranma and swept her to his side. His other arm rose in a guarding position as he spoke in his girlfriend's defense. "Tendo-san, please do not threaten Ranma-chan. She loves you and speaks often of wanting to be with you. However, as her boyfriend, it is my duty to protect her. I cannot allow you to hurt her. Please remember that."

Akane froze in her track staring at Ranma with her mouth open and eyes wide. Ranma, for her part, looked much the same though she shifted her gaze between Kyouya, Akane, and her sisters. Akane reddened in contrast to Ranma, who felt like every drop of blood in her body was suddenly missing. She came precariously close to fainting. She stuttered, "I-I-I'm not… Hehehe! Imagine that! He's a friend and he's a boy so of c-_course_ he's a boy f-friend. Hehe. Ha! I bet you thought something weird." And, of course, Ranma had total confidence in her ability to escape this pinch, or maybe not.

"Hold on, dummy," Akane replied. "You're _my_ fiancé. You can't have a boyfriend."

Thinking fast, Ranma shot back, "Well, you have girlfriends."

"I will be Ranma-chan's boyfriend just as much when she is a young man," Kyouya added, helpfully. It earned him another round of wide-eyed stares.

Kasumi broke the tableau. "Oh, my, that sounds so very supportive of you, Asami-san." Akane and Ranma blinked in tandem turning to stare at the elder Tendo. She went on to smile graciously at Nabiki. "Little sister, would you like to help pick out some new underwear for Ranma-chan so she doesn't have to wear mine?"

Nabiki collected herself after the disturbing revelation to answer, "Sure thing. Then maybe she can buy us both something new, too."

"Now that _would_ be generous of her, Nabiki. Don't you think so?" Kasumi asked. Ranma was once again very glad of not being the recipient of Kasumi's special, "You've been bad," smile.

"Oh, sure - generous," Nabiki replied with a wince and strained smile.

Kasumi clapped her hands together. "Ranma-chan was so impressed by your closet! Why don't we all visit it when we get back home?"

Ranma saw Akane's nod with a thin-lipped smile and wondered what was going on. She had an inkling it was about clothes and why Kasumi's slip was in Nabiki's room but decided she'd had enough attention for the moment and wisely remained silent.

Kyouya's arm tugged on her waist reminding her he was there. "Will you help choose clothes for me?" he asked. Ranma did a brief double-take and realized this was an excellent diversion.

"All right, let's go, Kyouya," she replied. Ranma slipped out of his arm and, with an apologetic glance backward to Akane, strode off around to the next escalator flight with Kyouya keeping pace. She'd rather find some clothes so she could change back into a guy, finally.

She and Kyouya headed up two flights to the men's section. Looking down over the railing, she saw the Tendo girls on their way up after her. 'Oh well,' she thought, 'at least they aren't doing that weird girl-fight-thing.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"They're going up to the fourth floor now," an older woman pointed out completely unnecessarily.

"Thanks, _Dad_," the mysterious younger woman replied sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed." She smoothed her gray skirt and checked her lapel while stepping onto the escalator. Genma put it all down to upper-class eccentricities before motioning to Soun the coast was clear.

"Saotome-kun," Tendo whispered, "Were they talking about our girls?"

Genma held up a sign asking him, "Hush and act normal, just like a regular shopper," but the truth was the overheard comments disturbed him more than he wanted to admit. 'Why is my boy-' he started to think but the question was too disturbing to finish. At first, he thought Ranma was just gaming the system but he could always read his son and this was no act. Ranma was being himself, even if that meant he wasn't currently his boy.

Soun tugged his sleeve returning him to awareness. He followed his old buddy up the escalator after the two women eyeing them thoughtfully. Sure enough, the women appeared to be tailing their kids and the boy that was distracting Ranma from his duty to Akane-chan.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane led her sisters after Ranma. She was still a little torqued by Ranma's oblique admission she'd been in her room again. She was _more_ than a little torqued by the evidence, circumstantial as it was, of Nabiki's hording clothes again and could hardly wait to get back home to see which of her things the middle sister had nipped out of the laundry. 'No wonder I've been having such a hard time putting an outfit together!' She swore silently to get even with Nabiki. 'Heh,' she mentally laughed trying to keep the smirk off her face, 'I might have to settle for whatever's left after big sis is done with her.' She honestly hadn't seen Kasumi this scary in months; not since Ranma and his father first moved in and her sister exacted her pound of flesh from both of them.

The escalator dumped them off on the fourth floor devoted to boys and men. She looked around for her fiancé spotting Ranma-chan and Asami-san in an archipelago of slacks. Akane approached, somewhat uncomfortable being in the wrong department for her gender, while her memory summarized some of the little acts of vengeance her sister had exacted on the gender-impaired boy. 'There was the "broken" hot water heater, Kasumi's weird humor, hanging cats all over him - that was probably the worst as far as Ranma's concerned…' Akane reached her goal and smiled at her fiancé who was combing a rack for something that would fit his normal body. Her mind, though, remained focused on digging out all the ways Kasumi got even with the Saotome men for disturbing the wa of the house and making more work for her. 'I still can't figure out where she got the bamboo for Uncle's panda body. Ohhh, and there are all the dress-up parties Kasumi enjoys with Ranma!' she thought excitedly. Her thrill of vindication drooped remembering her fiancé's attitude toward those little parties. 'Although, Ranma goes along with them pretty easily…' She narrowed her eyes on the girl in front of her, "…even if we had to guilt her into it." Akane's memory shied away from the numerous digs Ranma often made about her figure but they were there, nonetheless.

"Oh, my, Ranma-chan, that _would_ look good on your boyfriend," Kasumi exclaimed.

Akane wondered what had set off Evil Kasumi to earn Ranma such teasing. Of course, her idiot fiancé missed it altogether and replied, "It's not f'r Kyouya. It's for me. I wanna change into a guy an' need something that fits." Kyouya seemed to be pulling things from the rack of clearance slacks based only on whether they'd fit and tossing them over one arm.

A tall saleswoman noticed the group and made her way over. Oddly, Ranma and the woman suddenly recognized each other. "Saotome-san, Asami-san, welcome to Mushi!"

"Thanks, Yamashita-san!" Ranma warbled, happily.

"Can I help you, Saotome-sama?" the tall woman asked, suddenly all business.

"We're here mostly for Asami-san but I need something to wear when I change back into a guy," Ranma responded as if everyone was familiar with that kind of weirdness happening every day.

To Akane's surprise, the saleswoman acted as if Ranma's gender-flipping was an ordinary occurrence. "Please remember there is an extra fifteen percent off all items marked clearance and regular sales are marked as shown. Please see me if you have any questions. Would you like some hot water?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah," Ranma answered, "but not yet. I got to get some other stuff like some shorts an' shoes, first."

Now, Akane was confused. Ranma rarely planned ahead like that outside of a fight but there it was. "Ranma…" she started. There were at least ten questions on her mind and she couldn't voice any of them in any semblance of order.

Kyouya entered the discussion asking, "Ranma-chan, if I try all these on, would you choose which are most suitable?" He hefted an armload of trousers gathered from the clearance rack he'd been combing.

Akane watched, intrigued, as Ranma hesitated, attention flicking between herself and Kyouya, until her fiancé seemed to come to a conclusion. The Saotome girl threw the single pair of black corduroys she'd chosen over a rod full of hanging clearance items and hesitantly relieved Kyouya of his burden making a similar stack beside her own selection. One by one, she held them up in front of him and scrutinized the price tag. Akane and her sisters watched in stunned silence at the heretofore unknown skill.

"These look pretty cool," Ranma declared, judiciously choosing two pair; one a set of herring bone brown slacks, the other a pair of pre-worn out and torn up blue jeans. "That should be enough variety," she added but frowned at the price tag on the jeans. Akane stood near Kasumi for the extra sense of reality her sister's presence brought. "Now go try them on an' make sure they fit," she said, giving Kyouya a turn and a push toward the change room. "I got t' find something, too."

Akane felt as if her view of the world had been uprooted and was drifting in a sea of surrealism. Ranma was, according to her measure, acting well outside the norm by behaving normally, of all things, again according to traditions of the norm. This, of course, led Akane to reassess her view of what constituted normal behavior but Ranma and normal refused to reconcile. An image, an inexplicable memory, of herself and Ranma strolling together through a summer festival wearing yukata, laughing and snacking their way through the gallery, came to mind. 'I want to return to that place,' her heart decided while her mind fought with gender roles and doubt.

Watching her fiancé sort through the somewhat mixed-up racks of shirts searching for something for herself, or maybe her boyfriend, to wear, Akane felt as if she were on the cusp of something eminently important. That feeling, that faint warning tingle to her sakkijutsu, set her mind on alert. Her heart warred with conventional thought while her body wandered the aisles in orbit around her female fiancé, picking listlessly at the varied men's clothing.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"How old do you think he is, Tendo-kun," Genma whispered from behind the faux ficus.

His best friend, Tendo Soun, peeked around the edge of a shelf bearing a multitude of dress shirts in plastic cubby holes. "Twenty, maybe, perhaps as young as eighteen."

That was completely unacceptable. If his child _were_ a girl, she would be emotionally helpless against such an overly handsome boy. 'Not that I don't trust Ranma to fight his own battles despite being cursed with a girl's body,' he thought and gave his spectacles a nudge back up his nose. A moment later, he corrected himself. 'Not that being a girl is a curse… unless it's unnatural... or magical… I'd better stop there.'

Genma had learned long ago to stick to well-rehearsed speeches or non-committal grunts and fervently hoped his boy would hurry up and learn the same. 'The Crouch of the Wild Tiger is an awesome and powerful technique,' he thought with pride, 'but it is only meant to be used as a means of recovery after a misstep. Ranma _must_ learn not to be so clumsy with his mouth!' His right hand balled in a fist of passion remembering the hard days of youth but forced himself to relax lest his mighty chi give them away.

Executing a running crouch of another sort, he stole behind Soun to tug lightly on the sleeve of man's brown kimono. "We are too close," he whispered, giving Soun's sleeve another pull. The man finally turned his attention away from the kids but his eyes had the thousand-yard stare as he fidgeted with his mustache. Genma wasted no more time and grabbed his friend by the collar to head toward the section on suits where he was sure the children had little to no interest in exploring. This would give them some space to stand up and converse a bit more freely with the man in a black suit bearing the store's moniker who obviously had a few questions. Really, the man looked as if, any moment now, he'd just walk up and blow their cover just to get his trivial questions answered!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

In the meantime, Ranma had been arguing with Akane over the corduroy trousers. Her fiancée claimed they were too loud and would make him look, and sound, stupid. Ranma pointed out that he had never worn corduroy before so how was she, or Akane, to know if he'd like them? Through it all, Kyouya obediently tried on the clothes Ranma picked. Soon, Kasumi was helping, too, offering shirts and slacks for her approval. Ranma never let the corduroys out of her sight, though. She knew they might just disappear if left unattended.

Nabiki occupied herself with checking the fit of the clothes on Kyouya. Ranma was grateful she didn't have to worry that the middle Tendo was out causing trouble for her.

"How about this one, Ranma-chan?" Kasumi asked, holding up a light blue dress shirt.

Ranma accepted the shirt and looked it over for defects that would show. She didn't care if it had some minor stitching problem that had sentenced it to the clearance rack but it should at least look good and have the spare button sewn on at the bottom in case Kyouya lost one in a fight. She flipped it around, looking the shirt over, and checked the buttons to make sure the attaching thread was in good shape. "Looks okay," she said, meeting Kasumi's eyes. The two of them shared a smile. 'This is kind of fun.'

"Hey, Ranma, how about this?" Akane asked, holding an offering of her own choosing. It was a colorful plaid dress shirt consisting mainly of bright yellow with thick baby blue and thin little purple and green stripes.

"Woah," Ranma whispered, her eyes widening in appreciation of the utter lack of anything positive she could think of regarding it.

Fortunately, Kasumi forestalled the remainder of her opinion saying, "Oh, dear. That won't match Kyouya's eyes at _all_, little sister."

Ranma's own eyes widened with Akane's as the two of them regarded her elder sister. 'Eyes, my ass,' Ranma thought. 'They wouldn't match a _chameleon's _eyes! A chameleon on drugs!' Somehow, Kasumi got her sister to relinquish the offending garment rather than buy it for their father, or worse, Ranma himself. 'No _way_ would I wear a shirt that looks like old man tourist shorts.'

Still, the three of them had fun combing the discount racks and eventually broadened their search to include the end-of-season sales. Before she knew it, Ranma had amassed a collection of her own. "Huh," she said looking over the two pair of trousers, including the corduroy, along with the two shirts she chose, and shared a look with Kyouya. He now had three slacks, an intentionally mangled pair of jeans, and five shirts, two dress and three casual. "How much _is_ all o' this? I still need shoes and underwear."

Kyouya laid his pile carefully on a table stacked with shirts for summer and gently took Ranma's pile finding the tags. "With the fifteen percent discount and consumption tax, I estimate twenty-six thousand, three hundred fourteen yen." Ranma blinked at the exactness of the estimate. Then, she blinked at the way Nabiki was grinning and standing unusually, and almost impolitely, close to him.

"That's only half the fifty thousand Asami-san said he could spend, today," Akane put in. "Maybe he should get something else," she added in suggestion.

Ranma agreed but she also secretly hoped to get some more clothes for her normal body. She was naturally stingy, too, given the poverty of life on the road. She was subconsciously hoarding money for her stomach's use. "Eeeh, maybe," she allowed but motioned Kyouya to follow her toward the island of registers.

The statuesque Yamashita Hiromi easily spotted them and identified their intent. Ranma guessed Hiromi's super-height gave her super-powers of perception and felt a small stab of envy. She smiled, anyway. "Yamashita-san, can you hold on t' my stuff until later? Please? I-I want t' change into a guy to try them on, first."

To Ranma's relief, Hiromi said, "Of course, Saotome-sama! Would you and Asami-sama like me to hold onto his, as well?"

Glancing at Kyouya, Ranma gave a shrug. Kyouya replied, "Yes, please. Ranma-chan would like to change back into a young man but requires a full set of clothes, shoes and underwear. Can you help her pick something out?"

"Certainly," Hiromi declared, "we have everything she'll need on this floor!" Surprised, Ranma took a moment to look down the hall at places she _hadn't_ been to and would obviously have forgotten about.

"Hey! Ranma's _my_ fiancé. I want to help, too," Akane demanded.

"Of course, Miss Customer. Now, Saotome-sama, may I take a look at what you have chosen to get a better idea what it will go with?" Hiromi asked. Ranma gave her assent after realizing the woman was talking to her. She observed the tall saleswoman lay out her black corduroys and green cargo trousers. Over them, Hiromi laid the black tee shirt with a tilted Christian cross, some foreign words and the outline of a skull along with the prize of her collection, a green fishing vest that could carry lots of little things. The vest gave her the idea for the matching bottoms. With all that storage space, she could carry extra food, maybe some small weapons, and, best of all, they would look just as good on her current body as they would on her normal one, albeit even looser.

Akane sniffed derisively. "Why don't you wear some _nice_ clothes? That shirt looks evil," she said, restarting an earlier, now thoroughly old, argument.

Having hoped to have buried that discussion, Ranma, in a moment of exasperation, admitted something she normally would not, "I like it 'cause it's _black_ an'll keep people from starin' at my _boobs_ when I get soaked!" That shut Akane up, finally ending the debate. The vest would help in that arena, too.

"I think I have an idea of what you might be looking for, Saotome-sama," Hiromi said into the silent moment. "If you will follow me, we'll take care of you." Ranma let her lead the way down the aisle. Out the corner of her eye, she spied Kyouya watching her as the group trailed the saleswoman into the men's underwear section.

"I only wear boxers," she offered upon seeing the desired garments, and made her way toward them. They were on sale but not on clearance. Still, with Hiromi's expert advice on prices, she settled on a three-pack while the Tendo girls all stared at the displays trying not to look too hard, or too interested.

"Let's get this," she told Kyouya holding the package out to him.

He took to proffered three-pack saying, "Perhaps I should get a package of my own."

"No," she replied, "I only need one. You can have the other two in there… Unless you need another set. I can't remember how much underwear you have."

Akane went off like a ballistic missile. "Y-y-you _can't_ share underwear! That's just not right!" Luckily, Kasumi and Nabiki were able to drag her off back into the main aisle where she could have her conniption without damaging anything. Her fit wound Ranma up nonetheless.

"We aren't _sharing_ underwear! I'm taking one and he's taking the rest. That's _all_ you violent tomboy," she yelled at the retreating Tendo women. She would have said more but Kyouya gently wrapped his arms around her providing a calm refuge from the storm of emotions.

"Ranma-chan," she heard him say, and felt it through her back, "why don't I purchase an extra package so there is nothing for you and Tendo-san to argue about?"

She took a deep breath and thought carefully about his suggestion. It cost extra money but another two pair wouldn't be wasted on her and one more couldn't hurt him, either. "Okay," she said, giving up. It wasn't worth the extra two thousand yen to fight both he, and Akane. "This is why shopping is so expensive," she muttered. "Where to, next, Yamashita-san?" she asked Hiromi.

A non-descript pair of black socks were next on the list and this time, she made sure they both got separate packages; a single for herself and a three-pack for Kyouya. Now was the time for her to change but first, they had to pay for at least part of the stack. To be safe, she picked out the green set and left the corduroys for later. Hiromi helped cut off all of the tags and got things arranged for her as the Tendo girls and Kyouya gathered around the change room.

Hiromi left for a few minutes and, when she returned, it was with a tray of cups laden with tea and one with plain, hot water. Ranma thanked her gratefully and headed inside to change making sure to pull the curtain and listen for unwanted visitors. Hearing nothing out of the ordinary, she quickly shucked the jumper hanging it on the wall. Committed now that she'd started, her fingers fumbled with the buttons knowing that if anything embarrassing were to happen, it would happen in the next few minutes. Time slowed while her heart raced. The blouse came off and she threw it onto the bench behind.

"I'm sorry honored customer but the change room is closed for the next couple of minutes," she heard Hiromi say and Ranma's fingers froze on the hook of her brazier.

She listened to the brief complaint, thinking, 'Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you.' Peace returned but Ranma knew _something_ humiliating would happen if she didn't get her ass in gear. Her hands flew as she finished stripping and grabbed the boxers from the wad of new clothes. Next came the tee shirt followed by the trousers.

A startling realization hit her as she buttoned the waist. The clothes didn't fit all that well because she was still the wrong gender. "Where is…" she mumbled. The cup of hot water was gone, vanished. It wasn't on the floor. She snagged the vest and slipped it on checking herself out in the mirror. 'It _does_ help hide my assets,' she noted running the zipper up and down stopping half way between. The vest was definitely not designed for women and was far too long and too broad in the shoulder and waist but it didn't look _wrong_ on her.

"Where did it go?" she wondered, scratching her head over the cup of hot water's disappearance. She shrugged it off to bad memory and hoped it wasn't an ultra-stealthy pervert who knew she was really a guy and didn't want her to change. 'Not mentioning names, nope, no way.' Her female-type underwear was rolled up into the white blouse and she sat to pull the black socks on. Gathering her bundle from the bench and shoes from the floor, she hopped up and plucked her jumper off the wall before bravely pushing the curtain aside to exit.

She peeked around the entrance to the change rooms immediately spotting Akane and Kyouya. "Hey," she whispered loudly, "do you have-" and there it was, in Akane's hands.

"Dummy," Akane whispered. She and Kyouya ducked inside the entrance and handed over the blessedly hot liquid.

Ranma upended just enough over her head to change and blew out a sigh of relief. "Ah, _finally!_" he groaned in relief. "C'mon. Let's get out of here," he said but had to take a minute, first tucking his girl-clothes under an arm, to readjust his new outfit so the waistband wasn't riding quite so high as when her feet were hidden beneath the cuffs.

"It's about time, idiot. Now _I_ can do some shopping," Akane said with a smile to take the sting out of it.

"I believe that looks better on your male body than it does your female body, Ranma-chan," Kyouya observed. "The fit is certainly more complimentary."

He tried not to think about it. Instead, he wriggled his sock-covered toes and stared at them. "Shoes," he stated before returning his gaze to Akane and Kyouya. His fiancée sighed. "Or not," he added.

"Let's get you some shoes," Akane said in a voice full of resignation, and back they went to find Yamashita Hiromi, the ever-patient saleswoman. Ranma hoped he was at _least_ as tall as her but didn't want to jinx his luck by actually thinking about it.

She was, of course, taller than he was, if only by a few centimeters. He stood silently and smiled while Akane explained about the need for footwear even if his choice of clothes suggested he may be perfectly happy without them. Only Kyouya's calm presence kept him from inserting a few comments about his fiancée's own wardrobe.

A group of three older guys, they must have been at least two years older than he, caught his attention while he followed Hiromi and his fiancée. One was openly staring. He had slick looking hair and dressed like he was well off. He was also elbowing one and grabbing the sleeve of another so they, too, could stare. Ranma stared back, perplexed, as he shifted his girl-clothes from one arm to the other. 'Weirdos, I hope they aren't gay, or nothin.'

A few minutes later, he was back with Akane, Kyouya, and Hiromi clipping off the tag from a new pair of black plastic sandals. Grabbing the first cheap-looking thing that fit and saying, "These'll work," went a long way toward shortening the selection process. Akane seemed offended, though.

The three guys were still eyeing him and now wore smirks on their faces. They pretended they weren't watching, looking away whenever Ranma caught them. They were starting to piss him off, at least, until they reminded him of his father pretending innocence. Then, they looked stupid. He still wanted to pound them, though.

Kyouya pulled out the credit card he had been given and paid for the shoes as well reminding Ranma who was doing the buying and who was supposed to be getting a new wardrobe. With a longing look, he surrendered the corduroys.

"Are you sure you don't want to try them on?" Akane asked, concerned despite the grin twitching at the corners of her mouth.

"Pay for y'r stuff, Kyouya," Ranma said, avoiding the question.

Kyouya answered in an unexpected way. "I would rather go without clothes than to see you unhappy, Ranma-chan. Please, purchase the trousers."

That flustered Ranma far more than any heroic call for his demise. He imagined walking out of the store arms laden with awesome new clothes beside a stark naked Kyouya and felt his face heat. 'No, no, that's _so_ wrong!' his mind screamed. 'Think about Akane. What would she look like?' The flush deepened. "Gah!" 'Stop _thinking_ about that! Think about… think about what Akane would do if she knew what I was thinking.' He almost fainted as the blood began rapidly reversing course.

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"What do you think, Mom?"

"He's a cutie, I'll give him that."

"Their fathers are idiots getting caught like that by security for being so obvious."

"The shorter one is the boy's father; that much is obvious, too."

The younger woman nodded. The two of them _did_ look more alike than the taller one though the years wore heavily on the father. That brought up another point, two in fact. "What's up with the dougi? Is he some kind of judo master?" Having some appreciation for the male physique, she suspected there was a great deal of rock hard muscle thinly buried under that soft looking exterior. Her mother made a noncommittal sound. "So, who do we go after, first?"

After a moment, her answer came. "The father is the proper avenue. The kids are having fun and I'd hate to interrupt it. I'm concerned about _why_ the fathers are following them, though."

She sighed. Her mother had the same worry. The two behaved more like secret chaperones than guardians.

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"So, you see, we're keeping our kids out of trouble by following them; right, Tendo-kun?"

"Of course, of course, Saotome-kun, who knows how much they'll spend if we aren't watching over them."

Genma gave his friend a sidelong glance trying to convey the messages, "You're not helping," and, "What do their spending habits have to do with watching out for their safety?" The fancily-dressed store security guard smiled that pleasant smile they all had for people they could barely tolerate but could not, yet, wage a war of justice upon. Thinking quickly, Genma suggested, "Why don't you help us follow the children? That way we can all watch and make sure nothing inappropriate happens."

As planned, the guard suddenly became disinterested in further conversation. "I'm sorry, okyaku-sama. I have my duties to attend. Please just try not to disturb the other shoppers and our staff here at the Mushi department store. Have a nice day," the guard said looking like he could hardly wait to get out of there.

He and Soun traded pleasantries with the guard before they were left to their own devices once more. Being repeatedly left holding a sack of smoldering happodaikarin in the women's side of a bath house tended to strip a person of his pride and dignity in a rather abrupt way. Genma shivered as he trailed after Soun. The kids had already gone to another level in the store. 'Who knows what that boy might do to my Ranma.'

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Akane did not enjoy seeing Ranma stop dead in his tracks, much. Five minutes ago she'd been flustered listening to Ranma and Kasumi carry on a polite and extended conversation with that gangly saleswoman in the men's department. Yamashita Hiromi carefully wrapped all of the guys' purchases while engaging Ranma in small talk. The problem was that the small talk seemed directed in a most disconcerting direction. Yamashita kept complimenting Ranma and Kyouya on their selections but it sounded like she was complimenting them _together_. Akane felt very much like an outsider. It rankled and she almost embarrassed herself more than once when her patience wore thin. 'He's _my_ fiancé, not Kyouya's,' she thought, her temper rising just from the memory.

Now, it was Ranma's turn. The karmic wheel ran full circle and the boy with medium-length loose hair had just gotten run over by the 'nee-chan truck. Kasumi had just declared that Ranma needed more underwear; particularly a slip. She left it open, though, as to how much was enough. That was why her fiancé was currently sweating bullets.

"Bu-but, I just changed! I can't do that right now. It's not cool!" Ranma tried to protest.

Kasumi blithely overrode him, again. "You shopped for boys clothes as a girl, Ranma-kun. Why can't you do the same as a boy?"

Akane hid a smile behind her hand. Ranma spotted it and rounded on her. "Stop laughing, Tomboy. You have any idea how bad it looks for a guy to go shopping for clothes, here?" he demanded, clearly meaning shopping for women's clothes.

Her temper reached its limit at that point but Nabiki saved the day by dumping a handful of cold water over the idiot's head. While Ranma sputtered and waged a pathetic verbal war with her sister, Akane spotted the makeup counter and got an idea. A slow, evil grin bloomed where once only a smirk lived.

"Let's go over there," Akane declared dragging a helpless Ranma-chan behind. Her fiancé was too busy trying to hold her trousers up and scuffing her feet to keep her oversized sandals on to put up much of an argument. It worked out beautifully as the woman behind the counter spotted them and bowed to give a warm welcome.

Unfortunately, this woman, too, knew Ranma. "Saotome-sama, welcome to the Mushi department store!" Akane gaped while Ranma bowed in response and laughed it off.

"Saito-san," her fiancée began excitedly but the lift in Ranma's mood quickly fell as she recognized the scented island in the middle of the store. "Err. Akane-chan would like a makeover!" the redhead improvised, trying to thwart her plan.

Two could play at that. "Ranma-_chan_ would like one, too, and her _boyfriend_ is paying!" Akane did not bother to hide her happy, if somewhat vindictive, smile as her sisters came to back her up.

"You're _so_ lucky, Ranma-chan," Kasumi ventured, "I wish _my_ Ono-kun would treat me to a makeover."

Akane, about to add another teasing comment, stopped to stare at her sister in shock. 'Okay… maybe I poked Ranma in his ego but what's up with Big Sister taking a stab and twisting the knife?'

Nabiki added her own two yen. "Oh, my, I can almost _picture_ it." Akane had no trouble figuring out what her middle sister intended and, unlike Kasumi's sugar-coated digs, Nabiki unfailingly backed hers up.

Akane felt sure Ranma would dissemble and attempt a tactical, and physical, retreat. She wasn't prepared for Kyouya's presence and his mysterious influence on Ranma. She watched in increasing befuddlement while he put both hands on her shoulders having approached quietly from behind. Ranma stiffened momentarily while his thumbs worked the muscles in her neck and back. There was no violence, though; no insults and no attempt to break contact. Ranma _relaxed_.

Akane opened her mouth but whatever half-formed protest was there faded away. 'I can do that,' she thought as she watched the tension melt away from her fiancée. '_I_ should be the one doing that!' Her temper began to slowly warm again toward her boiling point.

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Nabiki could almost feel the danger in the air while she watched her little sister walk the path toward certain apoplexy. Something needed to be done before an incident got them all thrown out of one of her favorite places. 'That's no good,' she thought of the various ideas that came to mind to separate her sister from Ranma. 'There are too many ways to spark an explosion between those two.' That left Asami Kyouya. She smiled with guile remembering he was on her agenda, anyway. 'Now, how to get him away from Ranma…'

She glanced at Kasumi. Her sister still wore a mostly pleasant expression but that was there for outsiders. She knew what the stillness meant in Kasumi's posture. Ranma was a hair's breadth away from facing her wrath and, as minor as her big sister's wrath might seem, it had a way of making one's life less pleasant than otherwise. Now was her chance.

"Say, Asami-san, while Ranma-chan is getting tips on beautification, how about if we go look for something nice for her to wear?" she asked him.

Kyouya, to her slight annoyance, asked Ranma, "What do you think, Ranma-chan?"

Before Ranma could answer, Akane spoke. "I'm sure Ranma-_chan_ would like some new clothes, wouldn't you?" she asked Ranma innocently. "Or would you rather Asami-san stayed here to help you with your makeup?" Akane was clearly becoming unhinged. Even Ranma noticed it.

"Sure, c-clothes, m-make-up. Don't worry. I'll be f-fine," she stammered with a sweat-drop on her head and a pale face.

"I think that would be a wonderful idea," Kasumi added. "Why don't the two of you do a little shopping? I'll join you in a minute. Akane-chan and Ranma-chan should be here a while, don't you think?"

Nabiki wholeheartedly agreed. Getting Ranma dolled up could try the great Buddha's patience and this was a golden opportunity to get Kyouya away from Ranma's charms. She slipped an arm through his and began pulling him away toward the section on skirts. An idea was forming in her head and she was eager to see if it would work.

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With Kyouya's massage little more than a pleasant memory fading into the past, Ranma was presently feeling like she'd decided to stay the night in a bear's cave while the bear was out. Now, it was back standing grouchily in the entrance and she had nowhere to run. Kasumi was guarding her right while Akane attacked her left. Saito Mei was safely on the other side of the counter and seemed quite busy gathering things Ranma was afraid would be smeared all over her face before she could make an escape.

"You shouldn't hang out with him, Ranma," Akane surprised her, speaking in a low voice. Ranma found herself steered toward a wide, tall stool at the counter. She was distracted by the frightening array of tools and colors of scented paint samples being brought out by Saito Mei and lost whatever tactical advantage remained until that moment.

Kasumi helped her up onto the stool but it was a pretense to add her own comment. "Akane-chan cares for you very deeply, Ranma-chan. It is improper for you to treat him so casually, so familiarly, while Akane-chan is your fiancé."

At that moment, all the little pieces fell together for Ranma and she realized Akane was jealous. Kasumi was looking out for her baby sister, too, if she'd learned anything about Tendo family dynamics in the time she'd been with them. "No!" she said, drawing Saito Mei's attention but the woman politely ignored the interplay. Ranma lowered her voice. "I mean, it's not like that. I'm trying to learn stuff from him. That's all," she said hoping they'd buy it.

Kasumi didn't buy it. "He loves you, Ranma-chan. You should tell him you're not available."

"That's right," Akane added, still looking cross at her.

"He's just a friend; a really good one. I'm learning stuff from him," Ranma explained.

"Like what?" Akane asked. At this point, Saito Mei excused herself to look after another customer. Ranma knew she was just trying to get away but couldn't blame her. She actually envied her.

Now was as good a time as any, though. Screwing up her courage, Ranma got off the stool and turned her fiancé around backward using her hands on Akane like Kyouya had on her. "Y-you're eyes are like… like mask era," she crooned grasping at the first word in the area her own eyes lit upon.

"What?" Akane demanded with a terribly sharp edge to her voice.

"I-I mean, they look good, for a tomboy. I mean, _on_ a tomboy. Wait! That's not it! I mean, they look cute on you!" she blurted in full-blown panic. Kasumi was giggling behind Ranma. There was no doubt about that. Akane _wasn't_ laughing. There was no doubt about _that_, either. Ranma's mouth worked soundlessly while her brain tried to recover.

"Shut up, idiot, and give me a massage!" Akane said. Ranma nodded rapidly many times but the massage would have to wait until her fiancé turned around and stopped scowling at her. At least Kasumi seemed to have relaxed back into her non-evil state.

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Nabiki was frustrated. Here was a wealthy, handsome foreigner, although she didn't really believe he was foreign, much less a merman, and he continually ignored her every advance. Half an hour ago, she started her flirting by asking which skirt would look better on her and showing him several off the racks to no effect at all. It wasn't that he avoided looking: he looked but just didn't care. It was insulting and humiliating the way he kept asking if she thought Ranma would like this or that while not showing the slightest reaction to her own figure.

From asking advice on skirts, she went on to modeling them for him. From there, she took him to a section on dresses but he _still_ didn't react. She even put on a cheongsam and flounced around as cutely as she could but he acted as if she wasn't even there half the time. He _did_ look at women's clothes but it quickly became clear he was evaluating whether they would look good on _Ranma_ rather than on _her_.

She needed a reaction from him. Almost anything would do. From there, they went to the lingerie section. Nabiki half expected to have to drag him there but he seemed eager. She found out why when he picked out a few different length slips, all in white and rather plain, clearly for Ranma. Life was sucking, big time.

"Let's go check out the swimsuits," she suggested. She was running out of options. Modeling lingerie was too risky, in her opinion. That was a line Nabiki was reticent about crossing. It was one thing to try attracting a man with clothes but another thing entirely to do the same _without_ clothes. A glimpse of her in a swimsuit was as far as she'd go without financial commitment, or _some_ kind of reaction implying the same.

The problem with swimsuits and underwear is that trying before buying is a concept not well liked by the stores that sold them. "Asami-san, would you mind stepping in here a moment?" she asked. She would _not_ resort to calling him _sama_, either, until he anteed up. 'I will _not_ be the only one with skin in this game,' she swore.

Five minutes later, she exited the changing stall wearing a sky-blue string bikini and found Kyouya back outside the changing area in conversation with a pair of the saleswomen. Nabiki was pissed. Both women spied her and developed the troubling-customer look while Kyouya did not even bother to spare more than the briefest glance at her. "Hello, ladies," Nabiki purred as she approached. "We're trying to find a cute little swimsuit to take to the beach." She knew very well the one she was trying on was not little-girl cute. She slipped her arms possessively around Kyouya and smiled up at him.

The saleswomen were not amused. The woman tagged "Asuma" lectured, "Miss Customer, trying on swimsuits is against store policy. You may return any merchandise that does not fit but we are here to help insure you purchase the proper size for the best customer satisfaction." The other saleswoman had an obvious frown. Her tag read, "Kanagawa." She silently looked even less amused.

To her further annoyance, Kyouya slipped out of her grip. She needed to _do_ something about his lack of attention! Turning back toward the cubicle with her clothes, she let her right toe curl under as the leg swung forward so she could scuff it awkwardly on the carpet. "Owie," she complained as cutely as she knew how and bent over at the hip, ostensibly to check out her injury.

"Are you hurt, Tendo-san?" she heard Kyouya ask.

Nabiki stood slowly, still facing away as much to hide her satisfied grin as to put on a decent enough act. Affecting a wounded voice, she asked, "A-asami-kun. I… I don't know if I can make it. Can you _please_ help me back into the change booth?" 'I promise I'll make it worth your while if you make it worth mine,' she mentally added, though she had no such serious intentions. She planned to give him a little more of a tease. Once he was deep enough in the game, so deep his pride wouldn't let him quit, his bank book would be hers.

"Oh, I'm _very_ sorry you got a widdle boo-boo, Nabiki-baachan," she heard a voice that was not Kyouya. The deceptively pleasant female voice belonged to a decidedly _un_pleasant and _un_welcome Saotome Ranma. Then, a dainty hand capable of crushing Kuno's boken landed on her shoulder.

"Ranma-chan!" Nabiki exclaimed in strained enthusiasm while turning to face the music. "How nice of you to join us! We were just looking for some new swimsuits for the summer." Ranma smiled beautifully reminding her of a mad feral wolf. The impression conflicted with her light makeup. She now wore a little rouge over a subtle foundation. Ranma's lips were coated with a light rosy gloss making them look full and wet. Her eyebrows were penciled and there was a hint of pearlescent blue under them to highlight her eyes. And then there were Ranma's eyes which spoke of many sharp and pointy metal objects ready to skewer her if she made the wrong move. She spotted Kasumi and Akane and sent a pleading look toward her elder sister.

"Now, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said, "There is no need to be jealous of Nabiki-chan. After all, Asami-san is your friend and Nabiki-chan will be your big sister." Nabiki began to relax as Ranma seemed to realize she'd lost that hand.

Kyouya surprised everyone by coming over and taking Ranma's hands in his. "Don't worry, Ranma-chan. Tendo-san could take off _all_ of her clothes and it would not matter to me one bit. I love you, and only you." Nabiki felt seriously undervalued, _very_ seriously, and Ranma was starting to blush. "Of course, I know you like women so no matter whom you choose; I would be honored to help you please her. That includes Tendo Nabiki."

The Tendo women nearly simultaneously decided, for two reasons, to take a little more revenge on Ranma before the end of the day. The first was that they couldn't break Kyouya away from Ranma despite setting him up with Nabiki, who actually seemed interested in him. The second was because the three of them were struggling with mental images of Kyouya "helping" Ranma and whatever woman bedded him. That was why Kasumi suggested they all go to the beach tomorrow and they should all have new swimsuits; especially Ranma-chan who's "BOY"-patched one-piece should definitely be replaced with something more flattering.

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Genma looked on helplessly. He wished they could get close enough to hear what was being said. In particular, he wondered how the Tendo girls got Ranma to let her face get done up by that cosmetics saleswoman.

Suddenly, he and Soun witnessed Akane jumping and hanging on to Ranma excitedly. That was a good sign for the unification of the schools. "The beach sounds like a _great_ idea," they heard her shout, even if her enthusiasm was somewhat put on.

'Why does it have to be the beach?' Genma mentally groaned. 'Why can't you go on a date to the movies where it's air-conditioned and not wet?'

Soun said in a hushed voice, "It appears we are going to the beach, old friend."

Genma suppressed another groan. Fur was a hot, stinky magnet for sand. He could fix the hot part easily enough but, once in the water, he looked too much like a wild bear and not enough like a human in a cute bear-suit. "Yes. Perhaps," he replied, unable to give more enthusiastic support. He could almost hear the laughing kids, screaming parents and wail of sirens.

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"Ohhh, do I _have_ to?" Ranma whined.

"Yes, you do," Akane flippantly replied. She was holding hangers of swimsuits up in front of Ranma to get an idea on how they'd look. The summer clothes weren't on sale and Ranma complained bitterly about that. Kyouya said he had enough money left to get her some nice, new clothes including the cosmetics Saito Mei recommended such as lipstick, mascara, foundation, blush, and eyeliner pencils. All of the cosmetics were inexpensive and in small quantities but were, according to Saito-san, just what Ranma needed when she decided to be a girl on occasion. The real shock had been finding out the saleswoman already knew about Ranma's curse. This store seemed filled with salespeople who were okay with Ranma's inconsistent gender.

"Honestly, Ranma," she muttered, "how do you know all these people?" Louder, she asked the saleswoman hovering in the area, "Asuma-san, what do you think; the red with yellow flowers, or the blue with green stripes?"

Beside her, Ranma muttered, "I don't like either of them." She was clearly side-stepping the question.

Akane's good humor, what there was of it, evaporated. Yomi picked up on Ranma's disapproval and asked, "Saotome-sama, what kind of swimsuit do you like?"

Half-expecting her to say, "Trunks," Akane was startled when Ranma shuffled her feet and admitted, "I kind o' like plainer stuff. These have too many colors."

"Well, that's a start," Yomi said positively. "We have a lot of solid colors to choose from. Are you looking for a one-piece, or a two-piece bikini set?"

"I'd rather have a one-piece-" Ranma began.

Akane intervened. "She already has a one-piece. It's white and she added some stitching on the front." She spared a sharp look at her fiancée daring her to argue. Ranma didn't, barely.

Asuma Yomi led them toward the main isle where the more expensive items were displayed.

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Gasping, Genma found the breath to say, "_My_ daughter can't wear _that_!"

Soun's hand shot out and wrapped in the front collar of his gi. "Hold, old friend! I have experience with this. I _know_ how to handle it."

Genma spared an inquisitive glance toward his mustachioed buddy. "So what do you suggest?"

"Nothing. We do nothing."

Clenching his jaw and working his lips over his teeth, the master of the Saotome branch managed to avoid biting Soun's head off. "Explain that one to me," he growled.

Tendo Soun replied with a straight face, "There is no possible path to victory in this situation." Then, he burst into tears. "You have no idea what it's like to suffer three daughters!"

Genma's first reaction was to throttle Soun but regained his mental balance enough to forego the righteous punishment. His second was to do the same to himself but likewise decided against masochism. 'Now _I_ have one! Oh, the horror!' The next several minutes were a blur while his mind wandered down paths of parenthood he'd never ventured into before. He'd never truly been forced to consider Ranma as a transgender but now his son was, if not driving headlong down that path, at least kicking the tires. "I want my boy back," he quietly moaned and joined his friend in tears.

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A blushing Ranma followed a similarly red-faced Akane into the definitely-not-on-sale area for women's swimsuits. Soon, Ranma was involved in a risky conversation. On the one hand, she really wanted to know which suit Akane thought would look the hottest on her, not just for extra scoops of sherbet from some easily besotted beach vendor, but because she hoped to find something that might make her look a little more attractive to her fiancée.

"So… this one, h-how do you l-like it?" she asked her fiancée holding the green bikini set up but not up against herself. That would be a little too embarrassing.

Akane answered in a distracted manner. "It's, um, not enough," she answered. "You have… more than that."

Ranma wasn't one to mince words so when Akane did it they just flew right over her head. "Oh. Yeah. Then, how 'bout this one?"

"That's even less, dummy."

"So more is better? Wait, what about my one-piece? Isn't it got… more?"

Akane huffed and crossed her arms. Ranma knew that move meant she'd more or less crossed into dangerous territory. "Ehhh, Okay, so what looks good? Can you p-pick me out somethin' that's, you know, nice but not too nice?" By "too nice," Ranma meant "expensive." They weren't speaking the same language.

Ranma nervously observed her fiancée rifling through the racks of suits on plastic body-shaped hangars. Akane suddenly stopped and pulled one out thrusting it at her. "Not that!" she exclaimed, backing away from the watermelon-themed bikini set.

"Why not?" Akane asked with a pout that turned into a grin. "Just kidding, dummy," she added and stuck her tongue out to show she was teasing.

The joke was in poor taste, in Ranma's opinion, and she said so. "Not funny, tomboy. You want Kuno to try an' split me open the first time he sees me in that?" she asked. Akane developed a far-away look and faint blush that Ranma interpreted as a sure sign of trouble.

"Kyouya, which one do you think looks best on me?" Ranma asked her silent shadow.

"I thought you would prefer a more sporting type," he said indicating another rack of one-piece suits with racing stripes. To prove his point, he strode over and plucked a yellow one from her size group. It had red side panels designed to make the cut of the leg openings look more aggressive. On the right hip was the Mizuko moniker and swooshy symbol.

Ranma took an instant liking to it. She knew Akane liked yellow and the conservative neckline would provide more support. It would also prevent wardrobe malfunctions. Ranma left Akane's side to join Kyouya and give the suit he picked a closer look. The straps formed an "X" in the back to leave her shoulders free. Behind her was a startling flurry of activity Ranma tried to ignore while she felt the material and turned it from front to back. It was a very nice suit. Yellow _was_ one of Akane's favorite colors and the red of the side panels was her own.

"Ranma, here, what do you think about this one?" Akane asked holding a white bikini set with red polka dots.

Ranma cringed in response. It looked a little too girly but, if Akane liked it… "Do you th-think I'd look good in it?" she stuttered. Akane's mouth opened but nothing came out for a long moment. Ranma added, "I-I…" She glanced back at Kyouya and drew what confidence she could from the strange robot man. "I'll wear it if… if you think it makes me look… good." Adjectives such as "cool" and "awesome" did not seem appropriate while others that did, such as "pretty," "sexy," and "totally hot" were not something she'd willingly admit to wanting. In other words, Ranma was trapped between pride and desire. A part of her would not admit to unmanly weakness while another part felt a nearly overwhelming desire to be, for lack of a better term, desirable to her fiancée.

Luckily, Akane did not read too much into her response and merely placed the set back onto the rack after passing a critical eye between it and Ranma. Fortune continued to smile upon the little redhead when Kasumi joined the conversation.

"Little sister," Kasumi directed toward Akane, "I believe Ranma-chan would like you to choose what you think would flatter her figure most in your eyes. She is, after all, your fiancé." Ranma fidgeted and could not meet Akane's gaze but was grateful for the assistance. She stood, nervous and impatient, while her fiancée and oldest sister continued to sort through the racks pulling out promising sets for further consideration.

She held onto the suit Kyouya picked. It was practical and looked like she could swim as fast in it as she wanted without having to worry about accidents. He stood beside her close enough for his reassuring presence to be felt but not so close he triggered her pervert alarm. Growing bored, she remembered Nabiki, the arch-troublemaker, and tried to see where she went. 'Why did she suddenly decide to chase Kyouya?' she wondered. Finding her shaking her ass at him like a hooker disturbed her more than she thought possible. 'It's stupid, really,' she thought. 'He's an artificial sex doll, a robotic training dummy, so why am I so pissed off about Nabiki trying to get into his pants?' Speaking to the artificial man beside her, she began, "Hey, Kyouya, about Nabiki…" but her thoughts weren't properly sorted so she trailed off in uncertainty.

Kyouya took her hand. She looked up and he smiled warmly. "There will never be anything between Tendo Nabiki and I," he stated quietly and she knew it was the truth. He was not capable of loving anyone else until the beta-site contract ended. She rubbed his fingers with her thumb and smiled wanly in return.

"I know. Thank you," she responded and let go of his hand. Her gaze returned to Kasumi and Akane finding them both staring at her. A sweat-drop began forming on her temple.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Nabiki was angry and frustrated; more so than she had been in a long, long time. There was only one cure, just one, and nothing would stand in her way. After changing out of the bikini and back into her clothes, she began to shop with a vengeance unaware her father had spotted this change in her attitude and was frantically reciting every Buddhist prayer he could remember and making up more applicable ones on the spot.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Swimsuits flashed before Akane's eyes but she paid little attention to them. Her mind was occupied with the painfully shocking image of Ranma and Kyouya holding hands and smiling together. Still, her hands flicked one hanger after another hoping her eyes would spot the one thing she thought Ranma might like more than the suit the redhead held and erase today's failure. The occupation helped keep the tears under control.

Across from her, Kasumi was intent upon her own search. Akane glanced up and her sister hurried around the circular rack to give a much-needed hug. "It's all right. You haven't lost him yet," Kasumi murmured.

"I don't know what to do," she half-whispered and half-croaked.

Kasumi rubbed her back a moment before answering, "Ranma-chan asked which suit _you_ wanted her in. Why don't you ask her to pick a suit that _she'd_ like to see _you_ in?"

"Akane, what's wrong?" Ranma asked coming over with Kyouya trailing.

She nodded into Kasumi's shoulder and broke the hug. "Ranma, could you pick something out for me, too, something you think is pretty?"

Ranma gulped but nodded. "It's okay if you don't- That is, I know you don't like my curse so it's no big deal if you can't find anything."

Now Akane felt guilty. She knew Ranma was sensitive about his female form and it was partly her fault. Jusendo and the loss of Ranma's cure, again, had forced Akane to reevaluate her ideals regarding marriage and intimacy. Ranma's female self had won her heart even before his male self and it would hurt, badly, if he were cured and she was gone. It was easy to see Ranma-kun as an attractive, confident, insulting pervert and alien-thinking male fiancé but Ranma-chan was different, somehow. Despite still being all the same things as her male side except gender, Ranma-chan seemed safer, less threatening and more understanding. Akane knew it was all in her mind and that Ranma was Ranma no matter which body he wore. The puzzle was something that occupied her mind late at night or early in the morning. How could she continue to ridicule and neglect the side of Ranma she liked better as a person, a side she found herself attracted to even if not in quite the same way as his male side, and how could she not treat Ranma the same either way despite the transgender issues?

"No. Ranma, I… like you like this, too. I promise to find you something. I promise," she vowed.

Ranma ran her fingers through her loose hair and stared at the shiny tile on the floor. Akane thought she was beautiful, unfairly so when Ranma could wear such unflattering men's clothes. Finally, Ranma spoke. "Just get me something you like. That way, you can borrow it if you want."

Akane silently renewed her vow and remembered Kasumi's advice. 'I'll get Ranma the cutest, most beautiful bikini set, ever,' she thought as Ranma tentatively joined her and her sister in combing the racks.

It turned into one of the most wonderful dates she'd ever been on with herself, Kasumi, Ranma, and even Kyouya comparing finds. Eventually, they made their choices and moved on to browse the rest of the floor before finding Nabiki. Akane convinced Ranma to ask Kyouya for a black and green plaid skort while Akane got a matching skirt. They both had a load of advice to give Kasumi on how to pick up Tofu, along with clothing suggestions, which left the older sister happily embarrassed but, unfortunately, relaxed enough to brook no argument in outfitting Ranma with a full set of underwear and two blouses, one a shimmering light blue and the other a lace-trimmed and collared white with fitted waist. Kyouya paid for all of Ranma's purchases leaving her shocked at the expense and worried over whether they'd have money for the train home.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Soun was a weeping mess and Genma was ready to pound him out of everyone's misery. For the last hour and three quarters, Genma had put up with it mostly because his friend was the one who paid for the tea and snacks in the store café on the seventh floor where store security "suggested" they wait for their children to finish shopping.

"Our girls get along so well together!" Soun cried again.

Their last trip down to the women's department from the café had been enlightening in a disturbing way. Ranma was just as into browsing and suggesting as any of the Tendo girls. In fact, Ranma reminded him a lot of her mother when the shopping fever struck and that was part of why the two of them were holed up on the seventh floor. They were keeping an eye out the windows on the street below to see when their kids finally left so they could follow them.

"Nooo, my poor bank account!" Soun cried some more but this time slapped the table and got up leaving to pay the bill. Genma watched him go up to the counter but returned his eyes to the street. A moment later, Soun was gone.

"Damn!" he swore quietly. 'Tendo-kun is going to blow our cover!' he thought, but there was nothing he could really do. Racing down the escalators to stop him would draw too much attention both from their children and from store security. 'You're on your own, buddy.'

Three tables over, the two women who had been dogging them all afternoon rose and approached his table. He wondered what they wanted but had not been inclined to ask if they did not want to approach. Now, it seemed they decided and he guessed it was Soun's fault for leaving.

"Mind if we join your table, Sir?" the younger one asked. Both were smartly dressed – very professional looking.

He stood and gave a shallow bow. "Ladies, please join us. My friend stepped out for the moment."

After they'd seated, the older woman began the introductions. "My name is Shimeru Baiko and this is my daughter, Baijo. We had the great pleasure of meeting a young Saotome Ranma in the ladies room earlier today. Would you happen to be related to her?"

Sakkijutsu tingling, Genma subtly shifted his feet on the floor and moved his hands on the table so he could jump up and toss it if need be. "Yes, that would be my son," he cautiously allowed, slipping into habit regarding Ranma's gender due to the distractions.

"We guessed as much," the older woman replied. "There is a family resemblance." Genma nodded for her to continue. "Please pardon me if I sound rude but does your son change gender frequently?"

He pushed his glasses up his nose as a delaying tactic to straighten his thoughts before answering. "He does."

"She seemed interested in that young man with her," Baiko commented.

Genma's mouth got the better of him. "Ranma is engaged to Tendo Akane, the youngest of my friend's three daughters."

"I see," Baiko said. "And can she change genders as well, Saotome-san?"

That caught Genma's full attention. "No. She does not have a Jusenkyou curse. Why?"

"I am not familiar with that curse but my granddaughter also changes gender and we are looking for a suitable arrangement for her."

"My child's arrangement is for the unification of two schools of martial arts. No other arrangements are being considered," he said, proud of being able to turn someone away now that food was regularly on the table.

The younger woman, Baijo, joined the conversation. "Do you and your son practice some form of combat?"

Proudly, he answered, "We practice a small family school called Indiscriminate Grappling."

"Unrestricted? How unrestricted?" Baijo asked.

"Completely unrestricted," he replied. "The founding master is truly frightening. My friend and I are two of his students and we teach our children. Tendo Akane-chan is my friend, Tendo Soun-kun's, heir.

"Has your son competed in any tournaments that we might check the records?" Baiko asked.

Genma snorted. "Don't compare those 'professional' weaklings with students of Indiscriminate Grappling. My son was tested by a few fourth and fifth dan masters when he was eleven. After that, he's never cared about the watered-down public sports."

"So your son is strong and skilled. How strong and how skilled, if I might ask?" Baiko asked.

Instead of answering, he asked his own question, "Your daughter, she changes into a boy but did not get it from Jusenkyou?"

"It is a hereditary trait," Baijo admitted. "What does this curse do? How does it work? We did not get to see it in action."

"Our curses are water-borne. Cold water changes me into a panda. Hot water changes me back," he said with a straight face to see how they would react. They did react and stared at him with wide eyes. "Ranma's curse changes him into a woman. He is fortunate. Most of the other curses in that place are much less accommodating such as a cat, a duck, or a potbellied pig." The women exchanged startled looks. "So you say yours is hereditary? Would that mean any children would also be cursed?" he asked not having a good mental feel for the medical term.

"Yes. Typically, boys become women and girls become men. This is a closely-kept family secret, by the way. If the discussion were not strange enough already…" Baiko admitted.

Genma nodded. He was familiar with sensitive secrets. "Does it switch back and forth?"

Baijo fielded that question. "Physical stress or excitement causes the change. There are other factors but it's generally excitement. We return to normal not too long after the excitement is past. The change is partly controllable as we mature."

Saotome Genma had heard enough. While the discussion was mildly interesting, the offer had to be refused for the good of the schools. "I'm sorry, ladies, but Ranma will marry Akane," he said.

Baiko countered saying, "My granddaughter is beautiful and turns into an extremely handsome young man. He could make your daughter very, very happy." That was not something Genma wanted to be reminded about. He crossed his arms defensively. The women noted it. "We are very well off, too, so your son would never need to worry about finances." Hearing that, his willpower slumped. The Tendo family was well off. Soun did not have to work for a living. However, with two other daughters to marry off, Genma wondered how much would be left for Ranma and Akane.

"How well off?" The words sprang to his lips dragged up from the depths of doubt.

"My wife and I have about one point four billion yen net worth," Baiko stated. "Baijo is our only daughter and we have transferred most of our assets to her and her wife."

Baijo added, "Baimei is our only daughter. We have two older sons in college. Our net worth was one hundred forty-seven billion yen last quarter." Genma began to sweat and absently rubbed the handkerchief tied over his head. This pair of women, who claimed to be men, were wealthy like a Kuno.

"I would like to meet your son in a proper setting, Saotome-san," Baiko said. "If it's not too much trouble, we can arrange the meeting as well as transportation, formal wear, preparation, the location, everything. While the water-curse is strange and not exactly what we'd hoped for, we _are_ looking for a strong wife for our daughter. The investment in a meeting is relatively insignificant on our part and, if nothing comes of it, there is no obligation. Please consider it as merely a first meeting to assess compatibility."

Dazed, Genma agreed to at least allow them to arrange a meeting. He jotted down his address, his real address rather than that of Tendo-ke, and they exchanged contact information. 'It's just a meeting,' he thought watching the two women rise and excuse themselves. 'Ranma can put up with a few hours of it and enjoy the fine food. Then, he can return to Tendo Akane and I can tell these women that their daughter was incompatible.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma was feeling a teensy bit guilty having amassed a good pile of new clothes and no way to pay for it other than Kyouya's borrowed credit card. 'Here I am shopping for a whole bunch of fancy, pretty clothes an' underwear for my girl side and what am I wearing?' she thought sarcastically. Wandering around in the Tendo pack of shopping wolves Ranma also felt a teensy bit out of place with her goth-print black tee-shirt, socks and sandals with baggy green trousers and a equally baggy green fishing vest. 'I look like a street punk in the sundress department!' Even if Ranma _didn't_ fit in with the normal teen crowd, making fashion statements wasn't her style, either. 'An' now I'm making Kyouya poor, too,' she considered, morosely.

"Here, Ranma, try this on," Kasumi enthused. "This" was a white, spaghetti-strap sundress covered with many little lilac prints like faded purple splotches. It made her skin crawl.

"I've got the hat for it!" Akane called, waving a wide brimmed woven grass hat with a mottled purple sash around it.

"Mommy!" Ranma softly whined. Making a big fuss over the dress would only encourage them but it was hard not to protest at _all_.

"Shut up and do it, Ranma," Nabiki sourly ordered.

Ranma chose the lesser of two evils and dodged Nabiki by accepting the dress and heading into the change room. Kyouya silently handed her the shopping bag with her new underwear so she wouldn't _totally_ humiliate herself. She found him wonderfully supportive but absolutely ineffective at defending her from Tendo willpower.

She turned back in the change area's entrance and looked up into her boyfriend's eyes. "Kyouya," she began but dropped her gaze to the tiled floor to explain. "This is too much stuff to buy. Won't you… won't we get in trouble for all this?" she asked.

He slid his hands down her arms from the shoulders to draw her attention and said, "I am sure this data is worth the added expense. I will ask for an additional bonus but even if you do not get it your salary should more than cover a few more items. Do not worry about the expense. It is more important that you be happy and not regret a single thing about your day out with your fiancée and the rest of us."

Sucking in a ragged breath, Ranma nodded and agreed. He made sense. This shopping trip was about having fun. She gave him a quick nod and went to find an empty change room. A few minutes later, she walked back out wearing a new strapless bra, panties, and slip under the lilac-on-white sundress. She still had only her black socks but they matched the oversized black sandals in disrupting the look.

Akane was waiting for her and broke into a broad smile the moment she walked out. Ranma immediately matched her, glad her fiancée was happy. This was what Ranma loved most about dressing like a girl; Akane's smiles. Nothing else provided any real pleasure or sense of satisfaction, except maybe doing it for her mother and that hardly counted when her mother thought she was a Tendo cousin. Sure, tricking guys with their puny brains into thinking she was a girl was amusing but it only went so far. Akane's smile was the real deal.

"Here's your new hat," Akane said setting it on her head. "_Now_ you're ready for the beach!" While Ranma was distracted by her smile, Akane took advantage and used her brutish strength to squash the hat down over her head and eyes and grind it around in a circle, laughing all the time. Ranma grabbed it by the wide brim and giggled as Akane half-heartedly tried to grind her into the floor. "Okay, dummy, go change," Akane ordered. "Unless you want to wear that home."

Still smiling, she retreated to the change room to put her goth-flavored fish-ninja outfit back on. That one minute was worth the entire trip to her. She still wanted to go home as a man, though. There was too much hazardous hot water in the world and one little splash could ruin the day. 'I'm really glad Akane didn' say nothin' about that,' she thought. Being verbally reminded about the risks of her curse is majorly dull. No one knew better than her just how bad an accident could be.

When she exited, Kyouya took her baggage along with the dress and hat. Together, they went to one of the checkout islands where they found Nabiki guarding a huge stack of clothing and shoe-boxes. Her arms were crossed defiantly in front of her gaping sisters.

"Nabiki, that's too much!" Kasumi exclaimed. Ranma hardly ever heard the oldest of the three sound so alarmed. Akane was holding a new sundress and bathing suit of her own; ones Ranma helped pick out. Kasumi, too, had a small bundle hung over her left arm but Nabiki had a veritable mound of new clothes piled over the entire counter.

"You don't have _that_ much money!" Akane yelled. Then asked, "Do you?"

The middle Tendo opened her purse and withdrew a shiny rectangle of plastic to brandish in their faces.

"That's Daddy's," Akane gasped.

That was when a familiar, mustachioed man in a brown kimono jumped up from behind a potted artificial plant obscured behind the nearby escalator. "Naaabiikiiiiii," he cried, literally. "Give Daddy his JCB card."

Nabiki quirked an eyebrow at him. "No," she said and pulled the card away. "_My_ plastic." Soun burst into (more) tears while Ranma quietly stole up behind the girl. "What about Onee-chan and Imouto-chan? You aren't going to deny their purchases, either, are you?" she shrewdly asked. Ranma understood the strategy as a ploy to get the other two to back her against their father.

There was another option, however, and Ranma took it, literally. Her hand flickered and Tendo Soun's JCB credit card suddenly occupied it. "Ranma-kun," Soun cried (again), "thank you, thank you." His hands extended eagerly but Ranma, making a quick decision, ran around the back of the checkout island leading her fiancée's father on a chase.

Back around the other side, she grabbed Kasumi's hand and placed it inside. "Nee-chan's the oldest," she declared, spinning around to run interference with her future father-in-law. "She should decide what's fair."

"Kaaasumiiiii, give that to Daddy, please."

"Oh, my, Father. What are you doing here? This is quite a coincidence!" Kasumi cheerily exclaimed while she pocketed the plastic.

Ranma stopped when she realized something suspicious was suspiciously missing. "Say, why _are_ you here and where's Pop?" she asked.

The Tendo patriarch shot her a look and dodged the question. "Pleeeaaase return Daddy's credit card," he cried.

"Where's the old panda?" Ranma persisted and was emboldened by Akane's and Kyouya's presence behind her.

Soun tried a demon-head attack. "Raaanmaaaaaa," he growled. Normally, Ranma would fold up shop and run but Akane was with her, chi simmering. Ranma channeled some chi into her right index finger and, with a "poike," she popped his demon-head. Soun cried some (more), (again). Ranma just crossed her arms. She was well-acquainted with paternal theatrics.

Kyouya laid a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. "Ranma-chan, I can pay for your items if you need to take him somewhere to calm down."

She thought about her options; either stay here with a crying man watching him cry over every purchase and _see_ Nabiki's glare of death, or take him outside where violence is better tolerated. "Good idea. We'll be outside in front. Kyouya, can you carry everything, or at least most of it?"

"I believe so," he allowed. It probably depended upon what happened with Nabiki and Ranma was not so eager to find out first hand.

She grabbed her future father-in-law by his belt and dragged him around to the down-side of the escalator stopping first at a portly tanuki statue to check for pandas inside. Once away, Soun began to calm down although he seemed to be in a snit. On the first floor, she grabbed a Buddha by the ears and rocked it around just to be sure before pushing Soun through the front doors and giving a bow to the greeters.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane was amazed at, and proud of, her fiancé. Kasumi busied herself in helping a highly reluctant Nabiki choose those few things she needed for the beach, tomorrow. Akane and Kasumi both had a new swimsuit, light dress and an accessory, just like Ranma. That was all Nabiki would be getting no matter how much the middle sister wheedled and pouted if she knew Kasumi. It wasn't like Nabiki didn't have her own money. She just liked having money _and_ gifts.

The Great Sorting was exhausting. Kasumi approved Akane's and her own purchases and finally had an acceptable set from Nabiki that didn't include a thirty-thousand yen dress and twenty-two carat gold earrings with real diamonds. (The rules of the purchase needed some ironing out.) In the end, Nabiki bought a swimsuit, a filmy wrap for the waist and an expensive pair of shoes rather than a sundress like her sisters.

All of it was on their father's credit card and none of it would have been possible without Nabiki's thievery and Ranma's noble Robin Hood. Kyouya surprised them pleasantly by carrying everything, including all of his own and Ranma's purchases. Together, they left the store and found Ranma and her father squatting on the sidewalk leaning up against the side of the building. She almost laughed at the mental image they conjured. The two looked completely dissimilar in size, gender, and style of dress but she could imagine them passing a cigarette between themselves while waiting for a bus; not that Ranma smoked like her father.

They all formed up and left for the train station. Ranma and her father helped Kyouya with the bags. Once aboard the packed afternoon train, Akane finally got her chance to speak with Ranma privately in the normal din. She started it with a quick kiss to the cheek.

"What was that for?" Ranma-chan asked, stunned.

"I wanted to. Do you have a problem with it?" she asked, not meaning to sound so hard. Ranma stared back in confusion so Akane elaborated. "Kasumi-neechan is very pleased with you."

"She _is_?" Akane nodded. "But, before, she seemed so…"

"Snarky?" Akane filled in the blank. Ranma ducked her head. "She gets that way." Ranma kept her silence, no doubt trying to figure out Kasumi. Even Akane had trouble so she couldn't blame her. "Don't worry. Onee-chan's had a tough life trying to keep up the house all the time, even when she was in school. You _know_ Nabiki doesn't like housework and I'm almost five years younger. Today, you did some nice things for her she really appreciates, even if it's hard to tell. You helped pick out some new clothes to help her catch Tofu and even offered suggestions. She has an awful time trying to get him talking normally." Ranma let a wry grin grow at Ono Tofu's issue. Akane went on to say more enthusiastically, "What you did to Nabiki was awesome but giving Daddy's card to her and saying she should have it… I think you flattered her."

"I did?"

Akane shook her head at Ranma's doubt. "I'm supposed to inherit the dojo and Nabiki is always scamming money and new things from people. Think about it. Kasumi _is_ the oldest. It's nice you remembered. I think sometimes she gets real depressed about her life."

"Yeah, well, that would suck, I guess," Ranma muttered so only Akane could hear. "What about Nabiki, though? I think she'll kick me in the balls if she gets the chance. She looked pissed."

Smiling, Akane replied, "She only gets pissy and pouty with her family and closest friends." Then, she added, seriously, "She'll still want to get even."

Ranma tried working the spit back into her mouth. "I could use some hot water right now. Stupid makeup," she grumbled. The train lurched and she followed the sway of Ranma and other bodies as she held onto the ring over her head.

"Ranma," Akane tentatively began, "do you love Kyouya?" The question had been burning in her mind all day and was getting impossible to put down.

She waited as seconds ticked by. Her fiancé remained silent until finally saying, "Not like I like you. He's nice, doesn't insult me or hurt me… He really tries to get me to like him but he's okay if I like you, instead. And… there's something else."

Ranma's words stabbed painfully into Akane's heart but Ranma _did_ state she liked Akane more. 'I still have an edge.' "So what's… the 'something else,' what is it?"

Ranma looked away. "I feel weird when I'm a girl," she admitted. It took Akane a moment to figure out what Ranma was alluding to. Then, her throat tightened.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"So, what did you think about that?" Saito Mei asked. The four friends were in the Mushi employee locker room changing in preparation for the evening's excursion.

"What?" Hiromi asked, caught by the unexpected question.

"Saotome-kun's group."

"They were nice," Hiromi replied.

"Oh, come on! One of the girls she was with is after her. You must have seen it."

"I didn't see anything. What are you talking about?"

"I saw it. The youngest looking one was definitely that way," Asuma Yomi said, joining the conversation.

"Huh?" Hiromi prompted but decided to leave the conversation to the professionals.

"I don't know if it counts like that because of Ranma-chan's condition but, yeah, she and Asami-kun are rivals in the land of bi," Mei replied.

"What? Wait, they _are?_" Nanami asked.

"Of course they are. Asami-kun is so nice anyone would like him but the Ten'o girl, she was totally butch. She was bossy, big time, and her sisters backed her up on it."

"Nice guy. Evil girl. Tomato sandwich."

Asuma Yomi laughed.

"I don't think Saotome-kun is like that."

Yomi laughed again and said, "I'll bet the bad girl wins."

"I'll take that bet. Ranma-chan can always be a girl if it comes down to it. Asami-kun is too awesome to give up. I'd die for someone that perfect."

"And that's your problem. You keep holding out for Mr. Perfect."

"Let's not go there, ladies."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Whoa, there. Time out."

"You could have half the guys in Tokyo. You're perfect for playing moe. Everyone knows it's in style with the guys."

"C'mon. Let's go, Saito-chan."

"Moe? I'm not a moe! Men who like that are sick! 'Oh, I'm a total airhead with glasses who'll do whatever I'm told! I'm helpless! Please abuse me!' That's what those guys want. My brother was into that. He's demented if he thinks he'll find a brainless idiot like that worth marryi-."

"Whoever said guys want a moe to marry?"

"W-w-"

"All I'm saying is you could fix your hair, dress up, and wear oversized glasses and pick up half the guys in Tokyo."

"I'm not going to do that."

"I know. I know."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I just meant, I know that's not you _but_ you could do it if you wanted; like playing pretend."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Do you ever think they'll stop?" Kanagawa Nanami wondered aloud.

"Eventually. Asuma-kun likes to talk like she knows things. You know how she is," explained Yamashita Hiromi.

"Yes, well, I still don't get why Saito-kun is so shy."

"If I had to guess, I would say neither has gotten any in some time."

"I haven't either."

"But you're married!"

"My husband is a salary man. He leaves at ten after seven and comes home near midnight. He works most of Saturdays and spends half of Sunday reading. I swear, compared to when he was in college, I hardly ever see him."

"That's awful."

"Are you seeing anyone? You broke up with your boyfriend four or five months ago."

"Not really but I've got my eye on this guy who works at my gym."

"Don't tell me you've got a thing for a fitness expert, Hiromi-chan,"

"Hey, I know but he's stacked."

"He's definitely not stacked with cash."

"Money isn't everything."

"_No_ money means _something_. Besides, I'll bet he's been 'spotting' women all day. Take my advice and steer clear."

"So what do you suggest, an omiai?"

"Why not? Tell your parents you need one and let _them_ screen the boys."

"I can't do that. I told them I'd be independent."

"Swallow that pride, girl. They're your parents. You must have done something more embarrassing when you were growing up. Just tell them you need help. Your dad will know what kind of guy you'd like and, if it doesn't work out, hey, they picked wrong."

"How can you be so cavalier about this?"

"I'm married. Once my husband gets through the low-level grind, I'll be having two kids and living the good life."

"You think that, do you?"

There was a long silence while they changed out of their uniforms and got ready for a night of karaoke. Asuma and Saito must have finished, or delayed, their long-standing argument.

"Saotome sure has it weird."

"Yeah. Hey, maybe we'll see those trannies at karaoke, tonight. Did you hear they're manga-ka?"

"I was _with_ you that night we found out. Pretty neat, though. The normal guy's got to be pretty open minded to hang out with them."


	6. Sink or Swim, Life is a Beach

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Sink or Swim, Life is a Beach**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Hey, Konatsu, you haven't seen Ran-chan, yet, have you?" Ukyou called to her waitress near the store front. The Saturday evening rush was just getting underway and Ranma usually stopped by for a snack before supper at Tendo-ke. Of course, he didn't _always_ stop by. Sometimes he was busy chasing Happosai and other times he was busy running from Tendo Akane or Shampoo. Still, it was nice he appreciated her art.

"No, Mistress Ukyou," he demurely replied and flit around the tables to double-check. He even checked _under_ the tables to make sure, though Ukyou doubted Ranma enjoyed hiding as much as her crazy admirer, Kurenai Tsubasa-baka.

She needed a pick-me-up to get psyched for the evening rush. "Okonomiyaki _rules!_" she yelled into the dining area thrusting one of her normal cooking spatulas high into the air. Some of the customers even joined her with exuberant yells of their own. Others were too busy stuffing their faces or chatting with friends. That was all right, too, in her book. It took a whole slew of good things to make a good restaurant. Great food and great company were hard to beat and impossible to excel in the business without.

The bells on the door jingled. She spared a glance at it and found Mouse adjusting his glasses before heading toward her grill. She was immediately suspicious. The Joketsu interlopers always had a hidden agenda. Sometimes they were allies but they could never be fully trusted. Of course, Mouse was an idiot savant. When it came to Shampoo the idiot part took over his personality. Ukyou decided she could wait until he was ready to unload whatever was on his ducky brain.

"Kuonji-san," Mouse began, sliding onto a stool in front of her grill, "Saotome is a flaming faggot."

Ukyou was mildly surprised Mouse had the intelligence to check his brain at the door so it would not get further damaged by a beating. She traded her small spatula for the giant Damascus steel one on her back. 'Looks like I'm serving duck, tonight.' Mouse squawked in panic.

She chased him outside up the street toward the Nekohanten. "Ukyou-sama, can I help?" Konatsu asked, appearing alongside her in his waitress uniform.

"No!" she said firmly. "Make sure the customers' drinks are filled and no one skips on their tab. I'll be right back with a new menu item." Konatsu nodded and vanished so she could get back to the duck hunt.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Much of the train ride was spent in silence, partly out of courtesy for the other commuters crowed inside and partly because the train was noisy all by itself. Ranma had her own reasons for silence. Kyouya was having a strange effect on her and she'd admitted it to Akane.

'If there was any time to lie, it was that one,' she thought but that was a skill she lacked. It had taken time to learn just how bad at lying she was but another round with the Gambling King hammered in realization of that inadequacy. 'I suck compared to the Tendo family,' she groused.

Brining her mind back to the original problem, Ranma wondered why Kyouya was becoming more important to her. Staring over her shoulder, she watched the buildings blur by and reflected upon the artificial companion and would-be sex machine she knew stood behind her on the other side of Akane. She could feel their gazes on her. Both seemed to want her. 'So what are the good things and bad things about them?' she thought, getting down to the problem. 'Akane can be nice but she's a violent tomboy. Kyouya _is_ nice, all the time, but he _is_ a boy, sort of… at least, where it counts.' There was a time when Ranma called Akane un-cute, and meant it, though not the way her fiancée probably took it. 'Being violent and mean is definitely un-cute. On the other hand, _not_ being violent and mean is _not_ un-cute.' That train of thought was quickly running out of track so Ranma abandoned it.

'Kyouya isn't violent _or_ mean. He _is_ a guy an' I don't want _no_ guy touching me so he _can't_ be cute.' It was easy to declare that statement but she knew Kyouya _had_ touched her. 'I _kissed_ him and he groped me. Maybe my brain hated it but my body sure didn't. What the heck's up with _that?'_ Despair welled up inside making her chest ache and throat tighten. 'I'm gonna do the same with Akane as soon as I can change back an' wipe off all this makeup,' she passionately resolved. Her resolution faltered when she remembered there would be no privacy in _that_ house.

The thought _did_ remind her of Akane's strange lack of hatred toward her curse, today. 'Is she okay with my curse, or is she just hangin' on, anyway, hoping I'll get rid of it one day?' Self doubt was unhealthy for Ranma despite not being able to maintain a depressive mental state. Being unable to compete with Ryouga in the Shi Shi Hokoudan was something she took great joy in but her own insecurities worried at her confidence.

'I _like_ Akane! Why do I now feel so… whatever, around Kyouya? Is it my curse's fault? Does this body like boys all of a sudden?' Ranma meditated on that as the car swayed doing the same to the passengers as it turned and began braking for another stop. The distraction of the passenger exchange, if it could be called that when more wanted on, than off, made it difficult to really focus on the problem and, for a few minutes, Ranma gave up on deep thoughts. After the train got rolling, again, so did her brain.

'What is it about Kyouya that weirds me out?' she wondered and wracked her brain for answers but only two seemed to have any merit. 'Kyouya is _always_ good to me. That's one. He ain't like Shampoo or Ukyou. Shampoo _makes_ trouble wherever she is; especially for me. I think she likes it. U-chan loves okonomiyaki so much it's hard t'see her marrying anything else. She doesn't have time to have fun much anymore.' Despite her criticism of Ukyou, Ranma also had a grudging respect for her childhood friend. The number of hours in a day did not add up to what she though Ukyou put in at school and her restaurant. It did mean, though, that Ranma felt distinctly less important than the food Ukyou served.

'Akane is best,' Ranma decided, not for the first time even if her opinion didn't carry much weight in the selection process. 'If I can keep from getting Akane mad and keep her out of the kitchen…' Both tasks, stated that way, seemed rather daunting.

Regarding Kyouya, he was almost perfect with the exception of his gender. Ranma began listing his good points. 'He's always nice, never angry at me, and will stay out of the kitchen if I tell him to, _if_ I tell him to. He probably doesn't burn food or screw up a recipe. I'll bet he'll do all the chores and at least not get them wrong twice,' she considered. His bad points were pretty straightforward. The beta-site contract would not last forever, probably not very long at all, and he was a guy.

'Is him being a guy that much of a big deal?' she wondered. The concept of intimate relations in her female form was not a foreign one. There were many nightmares and sleepless nights wasted on that idea but was it so terrible to do _it_ as a girl with a guy _if_ that guy was the right guy? Kyouya was not the right guy, for sure, 'except if it was for practice,' a quiet voice in her mind responded. 'He _is_ a training dummy.'

A cold sweat broke out as she considered the implications of practicing with Kyouya. 'Akane would kill me. And then, she would find my ghost and kill me again!' That certainly dampened her mood. 'Guess _that_ idea's out,' she decided. 'Wait! What am I _thinking?_ U-chan, Shampoo and Kodachi would kill me three times over if they even _thought_ I thought I would do that with Akane!' The rest of the ride was barely more pleasant.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Bucho! This data is excellent!" Yuugama Yui, Chronos Heaven software and wetware extraordinaire exclaimed flipping up the image combiner on her steam-punk goggle-mounted display.

'Eh, what's up, Doc?" Kazeyama Hiroki, bio-mechanic replied.

Yui gripped her mechanical pencil tightly and prepared to stab Hiroki in the arm until he ceased with the cheesy, stupid one-liners.

She was interrupted by Yamachu Masunori-bucho, their beta-test team leader, when he spun around to face them. He had taken a perverse liking to the large, padded swivel chair the prototype sits upon when they are doing maintenance. The seat and seatback were wide and were complimented by appropriately wide and flat armrests for the prototype to rest its arms, obviously. The problem with the chair, from Yui's perspective, is it swiveled. It was also upholstered in black vinyl. She had no doubt it was Hiroki's doing along with the spotlight centered over it. 'Stupid sci-fi otaku…'

Now, their team leader, Yamachu-bucho, had fallen into the habit of facing the chair away from them just so he could spin around under the spotlight and say, "Report."

She ground her teeth and fought down her irritation at her teammates' foolishness. "The beta-tester, Miss Saotome, has been cycling through a broad spectrum of emotions all day but now they are cycling so quickly the prototype cannot keep up with them." Masunori nodded for her to continue. She did, explaining, "The rapid changes in emotional condition are severely loading its processor. Other functions are facing reduced cycle allocation. This is an excellent field stress test! Loading is not as severe as in lab simulation but this represents real data."

"Recommendation?" Masunori asked, leaning forward and steepling his fingers under his nose.

Yui overlooked his ridiculous fascination with looking like a television or movie character and answered, "Saotome is doing a commendable job. I would hazard a guess most of the other teams are getting less valuable information."

Yamachu Masunori gave a curt nod and spun his captain's chair around to face away from the other team members.

Yui turned back to her own workstation and flipped the holographic image combiner back down over her right eye. "All your base are belong to us," she quietly grumbled under her breath so neither of the other two could hear. She considered saying it louder but suspected the quote might go over their heads because it was a poor English translation of a line in a video game that may, or may not, have come out yet depending upon the timeline.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cologne, Joketsu village elder and restaurant entrepreneur, looked up from her work when the front door banged open and Mousse flew in, though he wasn't in his duck form. She had to think about it again when Mousse ducked behind Shampoo, who was busy waiting table three.

Before she could think to ask why, Kuonji Ukyou burst through the open door and stopped to glare at him. Cologne thought it was either genius or blind stupidity that caused Mousse to lead a lone enemy of his back to the local Joketsu base camp. She figured it was the later, though. He would always be a male of middle standing, at best. She sighed at the hopelessness of her task as a teacher.

"Shampoo, save me!" he cried from behind the person he desired most.

Ukyou slung her battle spatula back through a loop on her bandolier behind her neck and crossed her arms. Then, she snarled at him for good measure. Cologne clucked her tongue. It looked more and more as if this was going to be another pointless encounter that provided little entertainment value.

Her Great Granddaughter (title shortened for brevity's sake) grew a wicked grin. "Why this one help? Mousse strong enough to defeat Pancake Girl."

"I don't want to _marry_ her!" he yelled.

"You not marry Violent Destroyer of Food when you defeat _her_," Shampoo returned.

"She doesn't count! It wasn't even a fight," Mousse exclaimed, aghast at the intimation.

Shampoo's mood briefly improved at Mousse's confirmation Akane wasn't worth considering as marriage material but fell at the subtle reminder she was losing Ranma to someone Mousse thought of as a loser.

Ukyou uncrossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "I ain't after you for marryin'. I just want t' serve you f'r supper."

Cologne chuckled. "Table five! Order up!" Then she threw two bowls of ramen out for Shampoo to catch. The conversation wasn't quite as lame as she expected.

Shampoo handily plucked the bowls from the air and deposited them on the proper table with a smile showing off her skill and figure before asking, "Why you want Duck? Can have. This one no care."

Ukyou replied, "That jackass called Ran-chan a flaming faggot."

Mousse screamed like a little boy and fled with Shampoo hot on his tail. Ukyou shrugged and approached Cologne's serving counter. "Ran-chan's been acting kind of weird, though. Any idea what's up?" she casually asked.

Grinning wrinkly and showing what was left of her tobacco and tea-stained teeth, she answered as just as casually. "Mousse is wrong. Son-in-law is just becoming a bit less homosexual as a woman and, perhaps, more open-minded as a man. That's all."

"Oh, I thought it was something seri- _What?_"

"Curse bleed-over – don't worry, it's still Ranma so don't think that just because you have that cute boy Konatsu it will change the fact that he'll marry Shampoo."

"It's that _guy_, ain't it?" Ukyou growled and slammed the door open again on her way out. Cologne laughed long and hard. The customers weren't as amused as they were terrified.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma, Kyouya and the Tendo family strolled leisurely back to Tendo-ke from the train station. Soun kept to small talk as he prodded Kyouya for information about his family and intentions toward Soun's girls and Ranma. Kyouya answered he was a merman ambassador in training and that his parents were both full-fledged ambassador mer-folk. He did it all with so strait a face Ranma was both embarrassed at the stupidity of the lie and by her own inability to do it even half as well has he. When Kyouya stated his intentions were solely directed on Ranma, even if Ranma did not love him that way, she found herself flushing profusely.

The one good thing about the situation was that Akane had taken her hand and did not let go the whole way back. 'She's really possessive,' Ranma thought at one point. Then added, "Duh," once she realized that word pretty much defined her fiancée.

When they arrived back at the house, she and the girls divided up the day's loot and took it upstairs leaving Kyouya sitting in the tea room with Tendo Soun. Ranma followed to Kasumi's room and stopped in the door while the older woman unloaded her bags on her bed. "I'm, ah, sorry about y'r slip. I'll… wash it before givin' it back," she nervously said. "I'm gonna drop my stuff off an' take Kyouya back home."

Kasumi smiled at her and replied, "That's very nice of you, Ranma-chan. Will you be back in time for dinner?" She nodded and was about to leave when Kasumi pulled her into the room and shut the door. "Ranma-chan, I am sorry if I've been hard on you recently. I'm just concerned about your relationship with Akane-chan." Ranma blinked and gulped. "You _know_ she loves you." That stopped Ranma's breathing as the conversation was getting far too personal for her taste. "You almost got married. _Please_ don't hurt my little sister."

Ranma nodded but protested out of habit. "Kyouya's my friend. I know he wants more but he doesn't force me to do anything like everyone else does. I'm… I'm learning good stuff, I think, an' I wanna try some of it on her. _If_ she'll let me. Calling me a pervert an' bashing me ain't fun. Sometimes… sometimes I just don't know,' she ended, feeling as hopeless as she sounded.

Kasumi's hands rose. One held Ranma's shoulder while the other turned her chin up so their eyes met. "You two just need to learn how to talk," she said.

Ranma blinked. "Oh, ha, ha. Now I'm like Tofu-sensei?"

Kasumi's mouth twitched in pain making Ranma immediately regret saying that but the eldest Tendo said, "No, not like him. More like the other way around. _You_ have to figure it out. Words don't get far with my little sister if you haven't noticed." Kasumi used her hand to gently turn the younger woman and gave Ranma a push out the door.

She shambled back toward the room next to the stair she shared with the panda and toed the door open. Ranma dropped her shopping bags. She did not want to leave them unattended but realized that if the panda felt like it, anything could happen to them and their contents. Her backpack was wadded up inside the one bag with her school uniform and other clothes she wore that morning so she pulled it out and fished out a marker. In as steady a hand has she could manage, she drew a panda head on the full bag of new clothes that ended up looking more like Mickey Mouse. Then, she added a circle running around it and a line bisecting it at an angle. "There! No panda's allowed!"

Capping the marker, she headed back down the stairs and passed Kyouya and Soun on her way to the toilet, after which, she intended on stopping in the washroom to clean the makeup off. That was how Ukyou found her after the chef cleared the outer wall and raced up to the engawa.

"Ran-chan! What's goin-" Ukyou stopped upon seeing her. "Oh, my God! That old buzzard and blind idiot were right!" Rounding on Kyouya, she screamed, "You! This is your fault!"

Kyouya stood from the shoji game Soun no-doubt convinced him to participate in and stepped out onto the engawa. He knelt to put himself closer to Ukyou's eyelevel. "What is my fault? If you explain, perhaps I can correct it."

Ranma grew worried for Kyouya's safety. Ukyou didn't like crap and it sounded like that was what Kyouya was handing her even if Ranma knew differently. "Hey, I know, let's all go out for ice cream!"

"I left Konatsu in charge to find out why Mousse called you a flaming faggot! I'm not going out to eat ice cream! I want to know what's going on with you and what _he's_ got to do with it!"

Ranma hopped down into the yard and faced her friend. "Asami Kyouya is my friend; just like you are," she stubbornly declared. "Maybe he ain't my _best_ friend but he's up there."

Kyouya unwisely said, "I am Saotome Ranma-chan's boyfriend."

Ukyou's head swiveled between the two of them, a grimace growing on her face. "He _is_ a guy," Ranma tried to explain.

The grimace turned into something more painful. "Ran-chan… you jackass," Ukyou choked out. "If you wanted to marry a man, you could at least've told me. I would o' tried."

Ranma's brain lost the battle with her mouth. "But you're a girl."

Ukyou reacted badly. "Jackass!" she yelled and swung the flat of her spatula at Ranma's head but never connected. Kyouya leapt between and blocked the shaft with is forearm making a meaty sound with a dull crack.

Ranma, Ukyou and Soun stared in horror at Kyouya's arm bent at an unnatural angle. Ranma knew Kyouya wasn't a real person so she took the damage less personally but still felt a jolt of sympathetic pain run up her spine. Of course, Kyouya made the situation worse by not reacting at all to being injured so severely. Soun's newly lit cigarette dropped out of his mouth and into his lap to join the other tiny burn holes in his kimono that accumulated over the years but the scene was too much for Ukyou. Tears held back suddenly flooded her eyes. She covered her mouth and fled the compound leaping over the wall.

"Oh, crap," Ranma whispered. Louder, she turned to stare at Kyouya's broken arm asking, "Are you okay?"

Kyouya answered, "I am damaged."

Soun burst into tears and ran to offer unneeded and unwanted assistance.

"Stay there," Ranma ordered more calmly than she felt and raced around into the genkan and upstairs to her room. Soon, she was able to find Yuuno Chiaki's business card and raced back down to the telephone in the hall.

"What happened?" Akane called in concern, having followed Ranma down the stairs after hearing the urgent activity.

"U-chan took a swing at me," Ranma answered distractedly as she began dialing. "Kyouya got in the way. His arm's broke."

Akane left to run out looking for Kyouya but soon Kasumi and Nabiki were attracted by the growing panic and their crying father.

"Yuuno-san," Ranma began the moment the other side connected, "Kyouya's been hurt. His arm's broken! I don't know what to do. Do… do you need to pick him up, or should I bring him back to his apartment?"

"Hold on, Saotome-san," Chiaki replied, "There is a call coming in from Yamachu-bucho."

"Huh? How can you tell?"

"Scientific genius; hold please."

Ranma waited glancing down the hall listening to the growing panic over Kyouya. The line was quiet and hadn't gone to the dial tone or busy signal so she figured it might still be good. There was no music, either. She almost wished there was listening to the questions the others were throwing at Kyouya about why he wouldn't move when they asked and why he wasn't acting hurt.

"Mermen only die if you chop their head off!" Soun declared. "Saotome-kun explained it all to me."

Ranma bit her lower lip. 'Come on. Hurry up!'

Chiaki was suddenly back on the telephone line. "Saotome-san, Yamachu-bucho and the team are on their way. Are there others around the prototype?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah. The Tendo's are tryin' to help."

"Tell them Kyouya's parents are both coming to pick him up. Hospitals for humans will not work so they will take him to be healed by his own people. Can you repeat what I just said?"

"You said his parents are coming to pick him up 'cause mermen can't use hospitals for people."

"Close enough. Remember, his parents are coming. Human hospitals are bad. His people will heal him."

"Got it. Anything else?"

"Thank you for calling promptly, Saotome-san. If you could accompany the prototype, I'm sure the team would like more details and feedback."

"Okay."

"Then, thank you for calling Chronos Heaven. Please treat our products favorably and have a nice day," Chiaki said and hung up.

Ranma stared at the receiver a few seconds before hanging up her end, too. 'Have a nice day?'

She pocketed the business card, remembering Nabiki and her sticky fingers, before proceeding to the genkan and gathering hers and Kyouya's shoes. Ranma found Kyouya stubbornly standing in the same place she told him to while the Tendo family tried coaxing him to sit, if not lay, on the engawa. "Kyouya, can you put your shoes on with one hand like that?"

He nodded while four pairs of wide eyes stared at them in surprise. She dropped his shoes and arranged them so he could slip his feet in. His broken arm was growing an angry red and purple around the damage but it did not spread down to the hand like it would on a human. He couldn't move his fingers much, though. It seemed they were attached to the forearm like it is for real humans.

Ranma slipped her feet back into her new, oversized sandals just as the rumble of a truck approached the gate. "Kyouya, I called your parents. They're coming to pick you up. That's prob'ly them, now."

"But Ranma, he needs to go to the hospital," Kasumi replied somewhat breathless. Akane and Nabiki were just wide-eyed.

There was a knock at the front gate. "Come on, Kyouya."

Now Kyouya moved and walked straight after Ranma for the front gate. When she opened the gate, there stood Yuuno Chiaki and Yamachu Masunori wearing concerned expressions. They also wore the odd makeup designs on their faces and steam-punk outfits. The Tendo family went silent at the clinical treatment the apparent father gave the bent arm and bright smile the apparent mother gave Ranma and the Tendo family.

"Saotome-san, could you please accompany Kyouya with us? I am sure he would very much appreciate it," Chiaki asked with as sunny disposition.

Ranma looked backward to Akane who stared blankly a few seconds more before gathering her wits. "Ranma, don't forget Kyouya's clothes," she reminded and hurriedly slipped back into the genkan to grab his bags.

Ranma met her half way. "Thanks, Akane-chan."

"Will you be home for dinner?" Kasumi asked now that it seemed in doubt.

The trouble was, Ranma was no longer sure. She did not know how long they'd want her to hang around. She settled for a shrug. "I'll call when I find out. I… I probably need to talk to U-chan, too." Akane nodded. Her sisters were still stunned by the alien strangeness of the situation.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki stared, aghast, as the white delivery truck pulled away with Ranma and the Asami family inside. Ukyou had _totally busted_ Asami Kyouya's arm and fled the scene crying! The rest of her family was in shock while Kyouya was the only sane person there _and his arm was broken!_ All the guy could say was, "I am damaged." It sounded so… so trivial.

Ranma acted like the neighbor's car had a flat tire rather than her boyfriend having a broken arm. The whole scene was unnerving. Her mind kept coming back to Kyouya's face and how it did not show the slightest bit of discomfort, much less pain. It lent a strange, surreal credence to the merman explanation as if massive trauma was not something to be concerned about. It also added weight to Ranma's assertion Kyouya was _not_ human.

Unfortunately for Nabiki, it also meant her perception of the world was woefully inadequate. Ranma's curse was impossible but comical. So was his father's and those of their loose associates. There was nothing comical about this particular situation. Ranma had called Kyouya's parents here. They picked him up and she went along for the ride to their equivalent of a hospital. There was nothing funny there; nothing stupid, either. The phrase, "I am damaged," seemed woefully inadequate.

She and her sisters were better off than Ukyou, Nabiki guessed. The chef had broken Kyouya's arm. Nabiki's mind shied away from the implication of responsibility Ukyou probably felt. It was not good for her mental health to consider such things.

A giant panda in a dougi leapt over the wall holding a sign that said, "I'm home." Nabiki knew she and her family looked unnerved standing just inside the front gate. That probably explained why the panda's sign flipped over to ask, "What happened? Where's Ranma?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kyouya sat in the big leather-looking chair surrounded by steam gauges with glowing dials, hoses, and an assortment of wires leading to blinking panels of colorful lights. Ranma sat in Yamanaka Hiroki's chair while the truck moved with a subtle and gently sway. The chair's owner was securing Kyouya to his throne. She spared a brief glance toward Yuugama Yui who was busily typing on a strange keyboard with far too many keys. Tiny dots of light that Ranma guessed were from the typewriter scrolled across Yui's goggles as the older woman stared at Kyouya. A whole burst of dots cascaded quickly before stopping in a new pattern. 'Whoh, geeky,' she thought.

Ranma didn't know any nerdy women. Most were smarter than she was but weren't like the really nerdy boys that built models or gossiped incessantly over some super cool thing on a plastic square they laughingly called a disk. That reminded Ranma of a package of guy's underpants she saw in Mushi's today. It was painted to look like the waist of a robot shown on the plastic wrapper. The blue and white robot had an excessively large, red package between its legs that made her almost laugh out loud. It was too sick to look at, though, so she settled for avoiding it like the plague. It was in the men's section and she worried its mere presence could pollute her mind just thinking about _who_ would buy them.

Giant robots with exaggerated anatomy aside, Ranma had a very real robot to worry about. "Will he be all right?" she asked Yamachu Masunori, team leader, the moment the man put the telephone handset back in its cradle by his fold-down desk in the rear.

"Absolutely," he replied as if there were no doubt. Ranma decided to take him at his word. They were the geeks, after all. Masunori went on to explain, "We wanted you here to answer a few questions about the data we've been collecting and about the incident that damaged the prototype's right forearm."

"Sure," Ranma replied, not quite as sure as she sounded. Visions of having her pay docked and being fired threw a wet blanket over her already tattered mood.

Masunori stood and motioned for Ranma to take his chair so Kazeyama Hiroki could attend his station. After they were resettled, Hiroki began. "Yuugama Yui is occupied with backing up the prototype so I'll start. Did you see what caused the damage to its arm, and can you describe it?"

Ranma took a breath and explained, "My friend, Kuonji Ukyou hit it with her spatula. She was tryin' to hit me but Kyouya blocked it."

"Spatula?" Hiroki asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah, U-chan's spatula, her big one, is big – and heavy, too. She hit him with the shaft near the head." Ranma tried to explain Ukyou's spatula and they quickly understood it wasn't food-sized; it was giant-sized and made of steel. "She was gonna hit me with the flat part but he caught it at the end of the handle."

"Okay, that makes a little more sense. It must have been swung hard," he commented.

She agreed. "U-chan's pretty strong an' really knows how to use her spatula. I think it freaked her out seeing his arm bent. Will it take long to heal?"

Hiroki shook his head. "Actually, we're pretty lucky. If the spatula had hit the prototype in the hand, wrist or elbow, there could have been more damage than that.

"Why?" Ranma could not help but ask.

"More parts may have been involved making it expensive and difficult to repair. As it is, I only have to replace two parts," Hiroki stated.

"Really?"

"I have over-simplified the explanation so you would understand."

"Okay."

"Saotome-san," Masunori said, entering the conversation, "it concerns me how frequently the prototype requires repair."

The broken arm stirred sympathetic pain in her own body that was hard enough to ignore. Here was Kyouya's "father" starting on a lecture over the safety of his "son." Ranma became defensive. "I didn't ask him to defend me!"

"I think you misunderstand. The prototype is _supposed_ to defend you. I am concerned it is unable to do one of its primary functions. We are hoping you had some suggestions for improvement or could lend insight into its failure," Masunori answered, taking the conversation in an unexpected direction.

Ranma blinked and got her breathing under control but her blood still ran with adrenaline and body numbed with sympathetic endorphins. "I… think, maybe, he needs to be tougher," she allowed.

"How much tougher do you think he will need to be?" Masunori asked.

Her ability to think slowly returned. "Well, he probably needs to be as tough as me and as strong and fast, too." Ranma gave it some more thought. "That'll be kind o' hard, I know, but he should at least be better than my fiancées."

"Would you mind showing us so we have a better understanding of the requirements?" Hiroki asked, reentering the conversation.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A battered and tattered looking Mousse shuffled his way through the front door of U-chan's restaurant. Ukyou's bloodshot eyes widened in surprise to his growing penchant for masochism but the incident at Tendo-ke had bled her enthusiasm for fighting.

"I stopped by last time to offer an alliance," Mousse said and sat heavily at an empty table close to the grill.

She considered his words while watching the food as it cooked. At last, she flipped the two cabbage cakes and could begin mashing them with her spatula. "What kind of alliance?"

"Saotome is not fit to marry Shampoo. He's starting to act like a homo," Mousse said loudly enough for her customers to hear.

"Konatsu-kun," Ukyou quietly called.

"Yes, Ukyou-sama," her waitress demurely answered.

Mousse continued to talk, oblivious to the growing peril. "I thought that, because you two are cross-dressers, you could help me show my beloved how wrong she is to want his hand in marriage. You know, maybe pretend to be gay, yourselves. Once Shampoo sees that Saotome is one sick puppy, you could pick him up, easy. He'd probably like that. You'd only have to worry about Tendo Akane, then."

"Please see Mousse gets back to the Nekohanten alive. Beyond that, feel free to explain to that jackass how much I disapprove of his proposal for an alliance."

Mousse's face showed alarm but it quickly faded when Konatsu, smiling brightly, gently helped him up and led him to the door. They departed together peacefully. Konatsu seemed in great spirits. Ukyou smiled. Enough of Mousse would return to Shampoo for her to finish him off. These thoughts warmed her almost as much as the grill. Still smiling, she squashed an okonomiyaki until its juices sizzled and squealed under her spatula.

Later, when the evening rush began to trail off to a comfortable stream of customers, Ranma showed up in her door. He waved a greeting to Konatsu making his way toward a seat at the grill.

"Hey," he said.

"The usual?" she asked.

He nodded and soon Konatsu arrived with cup and small teapot. "Thanks, Konatsu-chan," Ranma said with a tired smile. Konatsu answered with a brighter one and went back to waiting tables.

"So, what's with the new outfit, Ran-chan?" she began, deciding to start with small talk.

"Well, you know how I came to school this morning?" he said, reminder her of the blouse and jumper. "Kyouya needed some new clothes for his school an' his parents gave him some money to go shopping. For lookin' after him, they gave him some money for me, too. This is what I got; well, some of it." He paused and showed off his fishing vest. Then, he held it open so she could see the Goth design on the black tee-shirt.

"That's different," she allowed.

Ranma shrugged apathetically, "Meh. I put it together out of the clearance racks." She quirked an eyebrow and gave a nod toward the accomplishment while finishing the mix. A moment later, she was spooning the thick aggregate onto the grill. "The Tendo girls went with me," Ranma added. "We ended up getting some clothes for my girl side, too." Ukyou hid her start over his admission and hurt at being excluded. "They want to go to the beach, tomorrow. I wanted to see if you an' Konatsu-chan want to come, too."

Now, Ukyou was really surprised. "What?" she asked, flipping four cabbage cakes on the grill to her right.

"Kyouya's all right, you know," Ranma offhandedly stated. "He's coming tomorrow. His parents thought it would be a good idea. They wanted to see how well he could swim with human legs is what they said."

Ukyou did _not_ know how to respond. She was relieved the guy whose arm she broke was going to be okay but her relationship with Ranma kept becoming more and more marginalized. 'I wonder if he's just askin' out of giri,' she thought. It felt uncomfortable thinking Ranma was including her out of duty to their friendship rather than actually wanting to.

"He's not human, you know," Ranma unexpectedly said into the conversational vacuum. Ukyou nodded and sent him a strained smile. He went on to say, "He's not mad at you, either, except maybe for takin' a swing at me. He really wasn't hurt. I know that sounds weird and the broken arm made me hurt just lookin' at it but he… he's fine, now."

She flipped his okonomiyaki over and started saucing the other four in preparation for the toppings. The door jingled and Tendo Akane entered, easily spotting Ranma at the grill. Ukyou began mixing batter for another. She owed the Tendo family for the trouble that afternoon.

"Hello, Ukyou. Hey, dummy," Akane greeted them taking a stool next to Ranma's. "See you washed your face," she added to Ranma, who made a moue at that.

"Hi there, hon. Sorry about this afternoon," Ukyou apologized.

"That was really strange," Akane said without a trace of hostility. "Not you, Asami-san."

"He's not human, Tomboy," Ranma repeated for his un-cute fiancée's benefit.

"Shut up, moron. He _looks_ normal. Anyway, did Ranma invite you to the beach with us, tomorrow?" Akane asked. Ukyou nodded. "Bring Konatsu, too. Does he have a swimsuit?"

Ukyou nodded, again. "Okay. We can open a stand there, tomorrow. I guess the Nekohanten will also be there."

Ranma shook his head. Akane answered, "Ranma isn't very happy with them. That stuff in school, you know."

Sighing, Ukyou felt a little better. "Mousse was here bein' a total jackass. He was so stupid he came back for more. Konatsu-chan took care of him the second time."

"No wonder Shampoo don't like him," Ranma grumbled.

The door chimes jingled to admit a prune on a stick. "Just the group I was looking for," Cologne cackled and hopped over to claim her own stool at the grill. "I must apologize for Mr. Part-time's foolishness, Ukyou-chan," Cologne announced. "I came to offer an explanation, or two," she said, sending a sidelong glance to Ranma beside her. "Good evening, Son-in-law."

Ranma crossed his arms and pouted. Konatsu arrived a moment later with more tea and tea cups for the two newcomers. Ukyou motioned for him to stay close by, partly in case someone needed help leaving and partly because he should know about the beach outing tomorrow.

"Awfully quiet, you four are," Cologne laughed. "Well, I'll get right down to business. First, I came to inform you I have a plan to help Mr. Part-time get over his homophobia and broaden his tiny mind enough so he isn't so much of an embarrassment to the Joketsu. You will all be participating in it."

"What? No way!" Ranma protested.

Cologne laughed in response. It was horrible.

"What is it?" Konatsu genuinely asked.

"I'll let you kids know when I've worked out the details," she cackled merrily. More seriously, she explained, "In Joketsu society, yaoi romance is quite popular with young warriors; especially during the bi-annual training camps where there _are_ no boys to satisfy their adolescent curiosity. The girls exchange stories and often bring scrolls or books detailing popular boy-boy fantasies. Most grow out of it within a few years when the boys in their age groups begin trying to win their favor. The problem the boys have is that the girls sometimes pressure them to act out some of their fantasies. Mousse, because of his pretty face, was a perennial target for such pressuring. He countered that only by constant training and tailing Shampoo. My Great Granddaughter spent more time training than others, too, and Mousse's constant shadow irritated her. Shampoo was his place of safety. She handily defeated those of her age group that challenged her. However, until Mousse learned Hidden Weapons, he was at risk of being co-opted into the kind of pandering some of the boys used to win the girls' favor.

"Ah, I _still_ remember some of the torrid romance tales from my youth. Sharpie, a powerful and well-bred Joketsu male was indecisive when it came to petitioning the young warriors in the village and he secretly yearned to be a woman. So, when he met Calpis, a strong, but shy and obedient, farmer from the outlands, he was surprised by the mutual attraction that consumed them both. At this point in the story, half the warriors in the training camp would suddenly feel the need for a walk or decided to curl up in their tents for the night. Hahaha! Such is youth. Anyway, as the story goes, the shy farmer, Calpis restored Sharpie's confidence and encouraged him to return to his village and present an official challenge to the available warriors to defeat and claim him."

Ukyou, like Ranma, was slack-jawed at the story. Akane was red as a tomato, which reminded Ukyou to mind the okonomiyaki. Konatsu asked, "Is that different than how Ranma-sama won Shampoo?"

Cologne answered, "For a Joketsu male, he must fight challenge matches for marriage. Only a woman who can defeat him has the right to lay claim but, at the same time, the woman must approve of his strength as a near match for her own. If the boy throws a challenge, it means he is not that interested. The same thing goes if the girl throws the match. However, if she's defeated then she's below him in skill. The boy's mother usually will not allow it. Parents want their boys matched with the best warriors, after all."

"Oh, I see," Ranma commented as if it made perfect sense. Maybe it did from his point of view although he sounded a lot like his father, pretending to understand when, in fact, he had no clue.

"So," Akane hesitantly put in, "Mousse was sexually harassed by boys?"

Cologne grinned. "That is for him to tell. I do not know."

"I guess I can understand perverted boys traumatizing people," Akane admitted. "Why is yaoi so popular, though?"

"Think about it, girl. You're stuck in a group of other girls with no boys. Everyone competes against each other while learning to fight together. A story with two pretty boys falling in love has no rivals. The young warrior in training can fantasize about both of them and how she'll treat them like they want and give love where and how they need it. It turns into a typical harem fantasy; much like Son-in-law has," Cologne pointedly said to Ranma.

The loose-haired, Goth fisherman made a sour face. "What part of getting my ass kicked around by tomboys everyday is a fantasy, Old Ghoul?"

Cologne cackled madly but spared a moment to whack him over the head with her staff. Akane patiently waited for Ranma to recover before she smashed his face into the countertop for a little of her own retaliation. Ukyou shot her a glare, moving her hand behind her neck toward the battle spatula slung there. Cologne laughed harder.

Tension slowly eased leaving Ranma grumbling about un-cute tomboys when Cologne surprised them, again. "The second reason I came looking for you is to explain that Son-in-law's recent behavior changes are part of his curse; a natural part."

"How so, Elder?" Akane asked.

"Son-in-law is adjusting, mentally, to being a woman half the time. It is perfectly natural he would feel attraction to men; most often when he is a young woman." The silence in the restaurant was amazing. The other customers were obviously listening, too. Only the sizzling of steaming okonomiyaki convinced Ukyou she wasn't dreaming.

"No way! You take that back!" Ranma yelled, fists balled in anger.

"Take the truth back? I think not," Cologne calmly replied. "It was only a matter of time. However, attraction does not mean you'll marry the first man you find off the street. You wouldn't marry the Kuno boy, would you?"

"No way!" Ranma confidently responded, even if irritated. "Just because someone makes me feel weird when I'm a girl doesn't mean I _am_ one." Cologne smiled a grotesque smile in response. Ranma fell for the feint. "I'm _not_ a _girl!"_

"I would not have taught you all that I have if you did not have _some_ girl in you, Son-in-law."

"You taught Ryouga," Ranma belligerently pointed out.

"I taught him a male technique; one suited for his lack of finesse," she replied. "I taught _you_ true warriors' techniques," she stated with a smirk. "I taught Hibiki to be a tough training partner but I stopped when I considered how close you two were as rivals." Ukyou saw Ranma's face go slack in stunned confusion. Cologne explained, "Intense rivalries often lead to one person killing the other or…" she dragged out, "marriage."

Ukyou knew her eyes were just as bugged out as everyone else's. "Now, wait a minute. They're not like that," she protested on her friend's behalf. "Ran-chan only likes girls." As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she knew the truth of that statement was now in doubt. Mousse said it. Shampoo implied it. Cologne suggested it. Ranma was intensely embarrassed by it.

Akane was the one to come to Ranma's rescue. "Just because Ranma _might_ find _one_ boy who isn't even _human_ a little bit attractive doesn't mean he's going to turn into the school slut, okay? Ranma will marry _me!_ _I'll_ take care of him even when he's a girl if I need to!"

Ranma's okonomiyaki started to smell overly done. She scraped it off the grill and quickly topped it before sliding the plate in front of him. The distraction worked as she watched the smell eradicate anger from her fiancé. She flipped Akane's over and looked up to find Cologne gone already.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sunday morning, the sun was shining and the air was a comfortable nineteen degrees promising real heat by mid-morning. Ranma woke after an uncomfortable night's sleep. His neck was kinked and would be stiff until he could work the muscles out. Sounds of muted conversation and occasional clanks were heard downstairs. He twisted over and found his father was missing, no doubt down sipping tea and staring at the yard while his feet hung off the engawa. Tendo Soun was also probably sipping tea and reading the daily paper at the table. Sighing, he sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. A few minutes later, his futon was folded in the closet and he was on his way down to the toilet and wash room.

"Good morning, Ranma-kun," Kasumi greeted him as he made his way through the kitchen.

"Mornin', Kasumi-san," he mumbled.

On his way around the engawa, his father said, staring out at the koi pond just like he figured his father would be, "I put your things away for you last night. Never know when the Master might show up. Best not to leave them out like that."

Ranma considered what things his father meant before nodding. "Thanks, Pop." Yes, the old pervert finding her new clothes would have been a disaster. "Hope he stays gone for a while."

His father grunted and began mumbling a Buddhist chant with a sprinkling of anti-pervert wards. Ranma left him alone hoping the prayers would work. He used the toilet and found Nabiki in the change room brushing her teeth. Her hair looked funny having been slept on but he wasn't about to point it out. She glared at him in the mirror, anyway; probably because _his_ hair was back in a neat pigtail. He quietly waited his turn at the sink having learned some time ago that starting a conversation with Nabiki when her mouth was full of toothpaste is a bad idea.

She spit and rinsed her mouth off, cleaned her toothbrush and stuck the handle in the holder. Next, she washed and dried her face. Now, Ranma could speak without risking Nabiki's revenge. "Mornin' Nee-san," he murmured. It was the most polite and flattering thing he could come up with so early but it tended to work better than overly cheery greetings or calling her Nabiki straight up. She tended to get prickly if he didn't offer proper respect in the mornings.

"Morning, Ranma-kun. Hurry up and get packed. We're leaving soon," Nabiki said on her way out.

Ranma finished cleaning up and returned to his room to find Akane in conversation with his father. His new clothes were laid out on the floor and she was blabbing about how she and Kasumi picked out her new things. His father shot him an odd, questioning look. Ranma shrugged in response hoping not to have to explain. Akane picked out the clothes he'd bring to wear and folded them up so he could put them into his pack.

His father took his own pack and said, "I'm going down to get the rest of the supplies. Kasumi-chan is almost done with the food." He left the room Ranma and his bossy fiancée.

"Come on, Ranma. Hurry up! It takes forever to get to the beach. We need to get going, now," Akane badgered. He grumbled at being ordered around but complied, anyway. Akane made him take too much but it wasn't worth the argument. He eventually kicked her out so he could change out of his pajamas.

Ranma came downstairs carrying his pack and wearing his normal Chinese tangs to find the genkan already being stacked with baggage for the all-day excursion. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and it would be hours before they reached their destination. In the side pockets of his backpack were schoolbooks and supplies for study. Long train rides were hell and they'd have _two_ of them, today, during which Akane would force him to study.

The bell at the gate rang. Ranma said, "I'll get it," and went to see who it was.

Outside were Kyouya and his parents Asami Masunori and Chiaki. Kyouya wore the black swimming trunks and a white tee-shirt under a Tokyo Tigers hoodie. "Good morning, Ranma-chan," Kyouya brightly greeted him.

His parents echoed with less personal, "Good morning, Saotome-san." They wore pretty much the same things they always did, minus Masunori's lab coat, but they weren't packing anything, which had Ranma confused as to whether they were really going, or not.

Ranma heard Kasumi call inside the house, "Did everyone remember to bring a jacket just in case?"

"Welcome to my home, Asami-san. We are almost ready to leave," Soun announced.

"Mornin' Ran-chan," Ukyou greeted him as she and Konatsu stepped through the gate, too. He noted Ukyou eyed Kyouya and his parents warily. Both were dressed according to their shinobi customs and both wore heavy packs. They held a big cooler between them. No doubt most of it was food and cooking equipment.

Ranma found himself helping with the greetings and introductions in the flurry of activity that followed. Then, another miracle occurred. Ono Tofu-sensei arrived starting another round of introductions. Soon enough, the rest of the family gathered in the yard trying to remember if they forgot anything. Akane handed him a faded red pull-over sweater with half-length zipper to wear if he got cold. He took it without argument because, while he wasn't particularly cold at the moment, he had hours of travel, sitting or standing still, to go just under a hundred kilometers. One never knew when a water accident would change him for the day into a smaller body. Akane and her sisters were already wearing jackets or sweaters over their sundresses or, in Nabiki's case, khaki slacks and blouse. His father and Tendo Soun rarely wore anything other than close copies of their favorite clothes. The panda he could almost understand but Tendo-san needed serious help with his wardrobe. It wasn't like he couldn't afford clothes like the Saotome family.

Before they left, Kyouya's parents announced they had some errands to do and would join them at the beach. Then, the nine of them left for the station. They had hours to go and it would be nearly lunch before they got there. Fortunately, Kasumi had a sack of store-bought mochi they could snack on for breakfast. Drinks, of course, were available in overwhelming variety through the vending machines present at every stop.

Travel was boring, yet tiring. Changing subways and trains, buying tickets, getting pestered into doing homework on the longer legs of the journey were all things he could do without. Fortunately, he stayed dry the whole time. Akane and Kyouya both helped him avoid people with drinks in their hands so his mood was pretty good by the time they reached the beach.

When they got off the train at Sanmu in Naruto-machi, Chiba, Ukyou, Kyouya and Tendo-san all purchased tickets for a bus at the station that would take them right to a public change house on the beach. Ranma sat next to Akane on the bus at Soun and his father's insistence. It wasn't like they hadn't sat or stood together most of the trip but the parents forced Kyouya across the aisle in another row in a blatant attempt to separate them. When the bus stopped for the last time announcing their destination, it was time. Akane dug a small water bottle out of her purse and handed it to him.

He sighed and twisted the cap off dumping a little on his head to change. She put the cap back on and gave it to her fiancée. Akane put it away while Ranma adjusted her clothes and temporarily slipped the sweater on. "Ranma, we'll have fun, today. I promise. Just don't do anything perverted and I won't have to hit you."

"Gee, thanks," Ranma returned, sarcastically.

"I'm just kidding, dummy," Akane said with a gentle smile.

"Really?" Ranma asked in surprise.

"But I _will_ hit you if you insult me," she said in total seriousness.

They all got off the bus. The women formed a group and headed for the change house leaving the men to do what they wanted. This was a big moment for Ranma. She'd never been _invited_ to change with the women and was turning into a ball of nerves the closer they got to the door marked "women."

A moment later, Akane pushed her through. After negotiating the short maze inside, it looked like an ordinary change room but did not smell like a bunch of sweaty guys. In fact, it smelled like soap and beach and bath-house cleaners. Akane's sisters and Ukyou were wasting no time. Kasumi was pulling her sundress off so she could exchange her underwear for her bathing suit. Nabiki shucked her slacks and tossed them on the bench. Ukyou turned away from Ranma but went about unwrapping her chest.

"Don't just stand there, dummy. Strip!" Akane huffed.

Red-faced, Ranma, too, turned so no one would see her embarrassment and started with the sweater she'd put on a few minutes before. Her pack sat ominously leaning against the yellow-painted cinder-block wall beside her. The side of the room she faced held a long row of curtained showers. Behind was a wide central group of benches running down the middle of this side of the change room and a long countertop with sinks in front of a mirror.

She left her boxers on after mostly undressing and opened her backpack to pull out the white sundress printed with random pale purple lilacs Akane picked out for her, yesterday. She laid it over the bench and bent again to fish out her swimsuits. She had two; one she picked and Kyouya bought, and one Akane picked that Kyouya also bought. Her favorite was the one she picked, herself, of course. It was a yellow one-piece with red side panels. The upper back was mostly open with the shoulder straps forming an X behind to allow the most arm movement. The front was well covered to prevent wardrobe accidents like what might happen if she moved too much in the suit Akane picked.

Her fiancée's choice was a white, string bikini set with little red strawberries printed all over. Ranma took the set, knowing Akane would have a fit if she didn't wear it, and retreated around the shower island to change in one of the traditional toilet stalls. She needed to use one, anyway. When she came back to wash her hands and put her boxers in her pack, Nabiki and Akane were watching the stuff while Kasumi and Ukyou took care of business.

Nabiki looked her over, head to toe, and frowned while Akane smiled. While Ranma was basking in Akane's approval, Nabiki pulled an object from her duffle bag and tossed it at Ranma, who caught it and found a plastic-handled razor in her hand. She darted to the mirror in alarm and felt over her face for whiskers.

"_You_ show her, little sis," Nabiki said. "You'll probably need scissors, too. See if big sis has any."

The next twenty minutes were best left out Ranma's memory. When she and Akane finally emerged, dead last, from the change room, both were flushed from the humiliation of the experience. "You'd better learn to do that yourself, dummy, without me having to talk you through it and _definitely_ without having to check if you did it right!"

Any protest Ranma could think of reminded her of the impromptu trim and shave so she decided to ignore the whole thing, including Akane. She could not believe how difficult it was to get it even. That patch of hair was a lot smaller now and she could just hear the laughter from the guys at school when he cleaned up after gym tomorrow.

The two of them strode out of the change house in silence though their minds were clamoring with thoughts they could barely control. Ranma wore the lilac sundress Akane chose over the strawberry print bikini. In one hand was her backpack. The other held her wide brimmed, woven straw hat with purple ribbon wrapped around the headband. She wore a pair of old purple-thonged sandals Akane brought from the shoe rack at home.

Akane wore what Ranma helped chose at the Mushi department store. The sundress was nominally white but filled with yellow lemon cross sections everywhere except on the subtly puffed white sleeves which gathered into a yellow arm band. A wide decorative sash of shimmering red material wrapped her waist making Akane look like a sunset. She wore her own, matching red sandals. The brilliant teal bikini Ranma chose for her was a slightly visible greenish outline under her sundress. The top was strapless. Ranma figuratively kicked herself for picking out clashing items. Then again, Akane tended to _like_ stuff like that.

Toward the beach, they followed a short sidewalk that ended in a long stretch of sand to the beach and leading off forever to the sides. Akane spotted her family about a hundred meters off to the left, half way between the surf and the weedy scrub. "Ranma, I'm going to hold your hand, now. Only because our fathers expect us to," Akane said in a tone that warned her to shut the hell up if she knew what was good for her.

Suddenly remembering, Ranma asked as Akane took her hand, "Hey, did your dad give you a lecture last night? Pop was like, 'I don't know what you and the Tendo girls were doing yesterday afternoon but remember your mother and remember your commitment to join the schools,' blah, blah, blah."

"Daddy took me out to the dojo for a long, long talk about the duties of a wife and the duties of a husband. Did he do that to you, too?" Akane asked.

Ranma shook her head. "Not yet. Sounds wonderful," she said with some sarcasm. 'Why would he explain that to me?' They let silence take over as they neared the family beach-camp. Three large umbrellas the fathers brought provided the only shade in the area. Underneath were several overlapping beach blankets of varying design to keep the sand at bay. She rolled her eyes upon seeing the approving looks of their fathers. 'Stupid, meddling, jerks,' she thought but it could have been much worse.

Kasumi was the first to comment. "Oh, my! You two look so cute together! Don't you think so, too, Ono-san?"

Tofu only had eyes, glassy ones at that, for Kasumi but there was no mind behind them. "O-of course, my Princess. I'd l-love to~!"

Ranma rolled her eyes but, when she looked back, Kasumi caught her gaze and gave her a wink. It had been Ranma's idea for her to dress up as much like a fairy princess as she could in the hope that he'd forget all about Betty and act more like her prince. Kasumi's sundress was white with fancy lace and trimmed in blue. Where Akane's shoulders were only slightly puffed, Kasumi's were more exaggerated and ruffled. She wore glittering tiara made by spraying glue on child's tiara and rolling it in silvered sparkles. Her hair was braided and a filmy blue veil ran from her improved hundred yen crown. The same glitter was applied to an old pair of sandals. Kasumi was the only girl there who wore makeup although it wasn't much more than red lipstick and a little mascara. Still, Ranma could not hold back the spontaneous snickering.

Akane dropped to her knees in front of Tofu and pled, "Please look after Princess Kasumi for she will one day become queen of the Tendo-people. She _must_ marry a prince! Do you know of one who is worthy? Please, Teacher, please describe the man who is worthy of our princess!"

Ranma bit her lip and tried not to bust a gut. Tofu-sensei was dazed and confused. He turned from Akane back to Kasumi. The older woman smiled warmly at him while trying to look as regal and dignified as she could for a woman used to serving tea and spending her days in the kitchen and laundry. Soun stared curiously. Nabiki stared coolly. Genma was busy inflating the beach ball and Ukyou and Konatsu were finishing their portable restaurant. With nothing better to do, Ranma decided to help.

"Eeeee!" She squealed in feminine excitement darting behind Tofu to lean on his back with all of her assets. She used a finger to play with his hair. Speaking cutely very close to his ear, she said, "I know a prince who's strong and brave and very, very smart. That's _you_, sensei. Are you going to marry Kasumi-oneesama?" Ranma's tone and proximity only added to his blood pressure as she strove to brainwash the smitten doctor. "You could marry the Princess, you know," she purred.

"Oh, my, Ranma-chan," Kasumi gasped with exaggerated shock, "you can be so forward sometimes! Perhaps I am below Prince Ono's notice. I ask only that, if he does not desire one so beneath his station as myself, he would please describe someone more appropriate for someone with so small a kingdom as mine."

Tofu's mouth hung open. He stared openly at Kasumi. His brain was probably deep fried by then. Ranma pouted and slid around his side so Tofu could see Kasumi over her shoulder. "Onee-chama, I think Tofu-sensei should be the only one to see your perfect figure." She leaned forward again capturing his shoulder between her breasts and whispered in his ear. "Wouldn't you like to see more of her? You could if you got married. You could see her creamy breasts, her tight waist, her long silky thighs…" Ranma was feeling a little warm, herself, and decided to quit the teasing before she got into more trouble.

It was a good thing she did. One look into is beet-red face and heavily-fogged glasses told her to clear the area. "Towel!" she yelled in a panic. Akane, still gaping at her, flicked a folded towel her way and Ranma stuffed it into the chiropractor's face just as the blood began spewing violently out his nose.

"Oh, dear," Kasumi giggled.

Shakily, Ranma still kept a hold on the towel wadded in Tofu's face as she lowered his body to the beach blanket. Kasumi got up and knelt so Ranma could set Tofu's head on another folded towel laid across Kasumi's legs. "That should help him mellow out," Ranma nervously explained.

"Unless he bleeds to death," Nabiki commented.

"I guess I'll just have to nurse him back to health," Kasumi said with a resigned sigh and huge grin.

Ranma cautiously lifted the towel from Tofu's face, one eye closed and as far from him as she could get in case blood was still squirting but it had stopped leaving a bloody smear on his face and the unfortunate towel. "Uhh, why don' I go try to wash this before it stains an' gets all yucky," Ranma said, rather weakly. It was gross, after all.

"Yes, that's a very good idea. Thank you, Ranma-chan. Akane-chan, could you help her? I'm afraid I may be here a while," Kasumi said, still smiling.

"Good idea!" Soun crowed. "I need to speak with your sisters, Akane."

Ranma and Akane took the hint and headed back toward the change house. "Wait! I'll come with you," Nabiki piped in.

"Daughter, I need to speak with you a moment," Soun ominously declared. "Stay right here."

Sloughing through the sand, Akane took Ranma's hand and leaned in to whisper, "You brought that extra bathing suit. You might have to let Nabiki borrow it."

Ranma did not like the idea of loaning her favorite suit to Nabiki but that filmy wrap Nabiki wore around her hips did not cover the fact she wore a sky-blue micro-bikini that barely covered her nips and lips. "Man! I _our_ bikinis are small. I didn't think she'd actually _buy_ that thing she tried on in the store." Something else occurred to her. "Hey, Akane, do you think she shaved _everything?"_

"Shut up, moron. Don't stare at my sister there!"

"I didn't! Would I have to ask if I did?"

"Shut up! Should I ask if you shaved your armpits just because I'm curious?"

"Um, no?"

"Idiot. Go back and borrow the razor, again. You might as well wash the towel in the shower while you're shaving."

"But I just _took_ a cold shower!" Ranma whined. "There's no hot water at the beach!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When Akane returned towing a disconsolate and damp Ranma by the hand, Kasumi, her father, and Tofu-sensei were strolling the line of surf together. 'It's about time,' Akane thought, guessing this was a talk about their future. Ukyou was lying under the umbrella's shade on a beach blanket. Akane thought her rival's black bikini was as unflattering as possible for a bikini. The top looked like a sports bra. The bottom wasn't much better. Saotome oji-san was snoring softly in the shade. 'Sometimes I forget he's older than Daddy. Where's Konatsu-kun and Asami-kun?' she wondered. Nabiki sat, arms around her knees in the center of the umbrella triangle, with a towel wrapped around her body and a sour look plastered on her face. It wasn't hard to guess why.

"Ranma brought an extra swimsuit. You might as well borrow it," Akane told her sister. Nabiki turned her face away with a sniff. "She's never worn it if that's what you're afraid of." There was no reaction. "It's yellow, like gold."

"I saw it," Nabiki muttered. "I'm just waiting for Daddy to get farther down the beach. Then, I'll take off the other way. There are a lot of good looking boys coming in, now."

"You know, Ukyou-san's grill will probably attract a lot of them," Akane mentioned. Nabiki stewed silently.

Ranma crossed her arms and complained, "That's fine with me. I didn't want you to wear it, anyway. It's really expensive. Kyouya showed me the price tag an' it was, like, twelve thousand, three hundred-something yen!"

"Fine! I'll take it!" Nabiki bitterly replied and got up to search Ranma's backpack.

Akane had to forcibly restrain Ranma, clamping her hand over her fiancé's mouth. "You can _borrow_ it, onee-chan." Nabiki ignored her and retrieved the gold one-piece with spliced red side panels and Mizuko moniker. The color reflected off her eyes making them look eerily like gold coins while the corners of her scowl twitched upward. "Remember the Great Sorting!" Akane warned Nabiki but the older girl was already striding purposefully toward the change house.

Once Nabiki was safely away, Ranma collapsed to the blanket and leaned back propping herself up with her hands. "Oh, man!" she sighed.

"Thank you, Ranma," Akane said as she, too, sat down. "Was your suit really that expensive?"

Ranma nodded, absently. "I don't mind if she borrows my stuff. I borrow everyone else's. That's s'posed to be a racing suit, though. I kind o' wanted to try it out."

"Well, maybe you can try it out, later? Switch with Nabiki," Akane suggested.

"I don't think strawberries are Nabiki's style."

"Then _I'll_ switch with her. Then, switch with you. How's that?"

Ranma gave it some thought and shrugged. Akane saw her glance backward at her sleeping father. "I see a beach ball," Ranma said. "Want to play dodge ball?"

Akane smiled. "Sure. Ukyou-san, are you in?"

Ukyou rolled onto her side. "Why not? The guys won't be back for a few minutes. I sent them for sodas and ice. I can charge full price, maybe more, for drinks. No sense letting the cooler go t' waste once I pull the toppings out, y' know."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki exited the change room, impressed with the new suit Ranma's fishy boyfriend bought her. It wasn't just a famous brand, it was made for serious swimmers and lent an air of awesomeness. She stretched her arms over her head. One hand held the towel her father forced her to wear. Her own suit was wrapped up inside. It would not be cool to have guys think she changed into a less revealing suit.

On her way back to the Tendo camp, she spotted Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou starting what looked like dodge ball but the ball moved so slowly in the air no one could hit anyone else without running up and tagging her. Her sister and Saotome had shed their sundresses. The three of them were starting to attract interested boys. Nabiki hurried back to their camp and tossed the wad at Ranma's backpack. 'I want a piece of this action,' she decided and purposefully made her way toward the group.

"Hey, can I play, too?" she asked and joined before anyone could give it a second thought. The four of them began trying to pass the ball between them but the light breeze was enough to make the game exceedingly difficult. It mattered little, though. The most important thing was for the other girls to have fun trying and attract rich boys who wanted to watch and might pay to participate.

To Nabiki's surprise, the utter futility of the sport meant she could play on fairly even terms with the athletic nut-balls. She enjoyed it immensely. She also enjoyed the suggestive smiles and looks she got from the guys.

The beach was filling up as it closed in on noon and the air warmed. The ocean breeze picked up and soon the beach ball game became pointless. She sent Ranma running more than once, though perhaps it was somewhat intentional at times. Finally, Ukyou called a halt to the game when Kyouya and Konatsu returned laden with cases of soda and bags of ice. More than enough hungry looking guys were orbiting the girls.

"Who's up for the best okonomiyaki in Japan?" she yelled. "Real Kansai cooking here folks and these beauties will be serving!"

'Not!' Nabiki thought without letting her smile drop.

She spied Ranma raise her eyebrows at Akane. "Free food," she said. Akane shrugged, whether in acceptance of the argument or the inevitability of Ranma's decision. Nabiki picked up her beach ball and took it home.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Serving guests was something Ranma and Konatsu were very, very good at. Konatsu was a highly talented kunoichi and attracted his share of girls using his feminine charms and wearing the tight-fitting trunks Ukyou purchased for him. He, like Akane, served mostly mixed groups of customers. Ranma served primarily the boys. She knew how to work them.

Ranma basked in the attention. She was good looking, if short, and the sundress Akane made her wear again added to the cuteness even as it protected her dubious modesty. 'Akane-chan's pretty cute, too,' Ranma thought eyeing her fiancée serving the two couples on merged blue and white towels.

Kyouya had volunteered, too. Ukyou wasted no time at all directing him toward the "tables" of mostly women. She spied him kneeling in front of a pair of flustered girls and smirked. He didn't even appreciate their flirting or the effect he had on them.

The only problem was her father. Saotome Genma stood behind and to the side of the grill watching the guests. He was the official bouncer but he spent more time with his eyes on her, than he did the customers. 'Somethin's up,' she thought suspiciously.

Ranma returned to the grill with her latest order. Ukyou was down to one canister of gas. Half her grill was still filled, though with half-sized okonomiyaki, and Ranma wondered, not for the first time, at how she could charge full price for a half-sized portion. "One squid, two beef, and one pork, red and green table," Ranma told her friend and copied the order on Ukyou's note pad.

Ukyou nodded. "Five to six minutes on your red and white table." That meant the order was coming up next. Ranma went to the ice chest and pulled the three regular and one diet cola for her red and green table. She slipped her note pad through the white ribbon around her waist and tucked her pen behind an ear. She cuddled all four wet bottles into her bosom so they'd leave a damp mark the boys could see and admire before she made her way back to their table. It was fun, sometimes, to play the bumbling airhead and her new sundress and wide-brimmed hat catered to their silly fantasies.

She knelt on the sand before their "table" of joined towels using her free hand to lift the hem of her dress enough to clear her knees. That way, it wouldn't get ground into, and stained by, the sand. It was also an effective tease. Three of the four guys were staring at her knees. The other gaped at her smile. If Ukyou wanted to do this every weekend during the summer, Ranma would ask to get paid a _lot_. "Three regular colas and one diet. Did I get the order right?" she asked, sounding like an easily befuddled girl. One of the boys nodded, glassy-eyed. "Who's the lucky man with the diet?" she asked, cutely.

After taking care of the red and green table, she headed toward the red and white table when unpleasant jeering erupted in the area. She looked around and spotted Konatsu kneeling beside a mixed table. The women looked embarrassed by their men but weren't embarrassed enough to put a stop to their comments on Konatsu's mannerisms.

Ranma was the first to converge on their table but Akane was not far behind and Kyouya, probably sensing her change in mood, decided to join them. Ranma knelt, shoulder to shoulder, beside a mentally wounded Konatsu. Ranma opened her mouth and closed it considering that what she was about to say might piss Ukyou off for losing customers.

"Is he really a guy?" one of the two asked with a derisive laugh.

She tried again. "Okyakusama," she began with a wicked smile, "Konatsu-kun is a shinobi trained as a kunoichi by his evil step mother." They laughed. Even the two girls did. "Could you please be nicer to him? If you don't, and you're super-lucky, that big man in the back will throw you out." Their smiles faltered but the derision remained. "If you're unlucky, Konatsu may get upset and kill you all." The girls laughed, believing it a joke. The guys looked at them as if they were all strange.

Konatsu humbly said, "I would not kill them unless they refused to pay their bill."

Ranma asked as cutely as she could, "Konatsu-kun, how many kunai do you have on you right now?"

He immediately answered, "Only eight. I…I did not think I would need many coming to the beach."

"Maybe, if you show our honored customers your kunai, and maybe some bombs or poison needles if you have them, they'll understand how manly you are," she suggested.

Konatsu blushed but flexed his fingers. Heavy, iron, fifteen centimeter long blades appeared between all of them. He had no sleeves, much less a shirt. A moment later, they were gone leaving him with two, round bombs. They, too, disappeared. In their place, one hand held a short blow-gun while the other held a rolled-up satchel.

Kyouya asked, "If you would like a different waiter, please accept my offer. Konatsu-san is close to Saotome-san and Kuonji-san. Her spatulas are very sharp. She has already stabbed me with one. The wound was four centimeters deep. She also has a larger version that broke my arm."

Ranma nodded happily to the customers. 'Maybe subtlety _can_ work,' she thought. Akane was less pleasant to them and stared down at the young men in a towering rage.

Those particular customers ate quietly, paid their ticket, and left as soon as they could.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou did not bring much food and, in less than two hours, most of it was gone. Cabbage was always the first thing to run out. It had occupied the entire cooler to start but soon the contents were replaced by ice and soft drinks. They, too, were gone in short order.

While she cleaned the cooling cook-top, her staff gently shooed away the latecomers. There was a stack of okonomiyaki waiting for those who worked. "Konatsu-kun, can you wash this stuff?" she asked him and pointed toward the stack of bowls, containers, and utensils. He swept everything up with a smile. "The ocean is fine," she added. "Just get the food off. We'll clean it later tonight."

"Yes, Ukyou-sama," he said and ran off toward the water.

Once he was gone, Ukyou called out, "Ran-chan, Asami-san, Akane-san, thank you for helping him out back there," she said, referring to the single group unpleasant customers. "I'll take care of the last few if you all want to sit down for lunch," she said, pointing a spatula toward the Tendo camp. She smiled as Ranma needed no further encouragement. "Save one each for Konatsu-kun an' I," she warned after Ranma loaded her arms with multiple plastic plates, each bearing an okonomiyaki. Akane grabbed two plates as did Konatsu.

Genma hefted the cooler. "They smell wonderful, Kuonji-kun."

"Who said _you_ get one? You didn't do anything."

"I provided security."

"Bullshit. Stupid panda," she growled but knew he'd still get one, if not more.

Ukyou finished cleaning and broke down the grill. 'This thing's a miracle of modern technology,' she thought in wonder, not for the first time, over the way all the pieces slid, folded, and collapsed to fit in Konatsu's backpack. The grill had a small surface but it was still huge considering it had four sections that unfolded and butt together to form a surface almost as large as two school desks. Her father sent it to her. Each plate had its own circular burner and they could be managed independently with two propane bottles. Everything else about it, including the legs, was dicey because it was all grill and little else but it cooked okonomiyaki and fit in a backpack along with the gas bottles and a few other things. Konatsu's pack was pretty heavy, though. The only place the grill's design didn't skimp was the iron cook plates.

"Hurry up, U-chan," Ranma called to her in warning, "Pop's hungry."

She glanced over to the umbrella patch. Ranma and Akane were sitting together with Kyouya. They'd saved room for her and Konatsu. Nabiki was lounging with her neck propped up on her duffle bag reading a manga. The shade had moved and everyone else went with it. Kasumi attended her father who was talking quietly with Ono Tofu. Nap-time was coming, she could sense it.

A group of children ran by with colorful squirt guns blazing in some heroic war leaving a sighing panda under an umbrella. The panda opened the ice chest and pulled out a dripping wet soda. She smirked at him. When she turned back to her clean-up, Ukyou noted Konatsu returning with the remaining equipment. Everything except the bowls and grill were packed. Now they could relax over their own lunch. "Break time, Konatsu. Good job. I might even pay you, today."

"You will?" he asked in amazement.

"Maybe," she answered.

"Would it… would it be a whole shift's salary?" he asked.

"No, five hundred is too much for such a short shift but you can have a soda on the house."

"Awesome!"

"U-chan," Ranma spoke up while she and Konatsu settled in the shade with the others, "you should prob'ly pay him more, you know. He helps a lot."

"How much did Cologne pay when you worked for her?" Ukyou asked.

"Nothing. Why?"

Nabiki's snickering interrupted the topic so Ukyou let it rest and dug into her meal.

The beach kept getting more packed full of people while the Tendo camp dozed in the early afternoon. Ukyou lay down in a spot of shade and blacked out for a few minutes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma woke up laying face down on a towel with her legs in the sun. "Ack!" she squawked and sat up into the sun to check them out. 'Sunscreen! I forgot!' she thought in a panic.

"What's wrong, dummy?" Akane murmured beside her.

"Sunscreen!" she said. "I need sunscreen."

"I brought some, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said from somewhere behind. Ranma sighed in relief and got up to get Kasumi's bag and bring it to her.

"Why do you need it so bad?" Akane asked growing more alert.

"Sunburns leave, um, marks that're hard to explain," Ranma answered.

"What-" Akane started but Kasumi explained, even if Ranma would rather not.

"The tan lines from her bikini might stir some embarrassing questions, little sister."

Akane's mouth mad a little "o" as her mind caught up.

Nabiki lifted the open manga from her face as she, too, began stirring. "Last time, I had eight or nine guys asking for pictures based on what they saw in the change room."

"What?" Ranma gasped in alarm. "Who were they," she demanded.

"Aren't you more interested over how much they were willing to pay?"

That stopped Ranma. "Ah, how much?"

"Not telling. Client confidentiality and all that," Nabiki said with a smirk.

A pair of hands slipped a tube into her left hand and closed Ranma's grip. "Huh? Oh, thanks, Kasumi-neechan."

Kasumi smiled up at her. "Ranma-chan, maybe you could ask Akane-chan to put it on for you."

"Put it- Oh, you mean my back," Ranma replied.

Kasumi stood and moved to kneel by Ono Tofu interrupting his silent conversation with her father. "I would like to go for a walk. Would you join me, Tofu-sensei?" Ranma noticed Kasumi's father give the barest nods but soon the young doctor and Kasumi were headed out for a stroll down the beach.

Ranma turned back to Akane with the tube of sunscreen. "Ehhhh."

Her fiancée patted a spot in the shade and said, "Take off your dress, Ranma." Dropping the tube, she pulled her sundress over her head and attempted to fold it. The sundress did not fold well but at least it wasn't a wad like some of the towels around. "Come on. Lay down."

"Hey! Ran-chan's _my_ fiancé, too. _I_ want to do it. You've had all day with him so far. It's _my_ turn," Ukyou demanded.

Ranma hesitantly lay down on the towel. There was war brewing. She decided to lay with her head facing away from danger so she wouldn't see it coming when the hurt came. Her sideways, towel-level vision encompassed Kyouya, sitting next to her giant panda. The human-looking one fingered the jeweled medallion that hung around his neck. The panda yawned and shifted his eyes between the other players.

"Turn? You don't get a turn. Ranma is mine," Akane said as if the argument were perfectly reasonable.

"I believe Ranma-chan would like Akane-chan's hands to apply the lotion," Kyouya intervened. Ranma closed her eyes. He had no idea what he'd just gotten into.

"Well, maybe Ran-chan is becomin' more girlish 'cause his un-cute fiancée _likes_ him that way." Ranma cringed at Ukyou's words.

"_Like_ him, I can barely tolerate him. Did you ever think that maybe he's trying to get out of his _other_ arrangements? Did you?"

Ranma interrupted despite a deep-seated desire to flee. "Can someone _please_ just put lotion on my back?"

"Perhaps if you ladies would share-" Kyouya suggested.

"Fine, Asami-san," Ukyou said, "Tendo-san can do the upper back. I'll do the rest."

Akane gasped, "You _pervert_, both of you, I'll just _bet_ you want to do her front or touch her bottom."

"_Me? You're_ the one we have to watch out for. Who said anything about anyone but Ran-chan putting lotion on her front? Oh, wait! That was _you!_" Ukyou accused Akane.

Kyouya apparently didn't know when to give up. "Would it be better if I applied the sunscreen?" Ranma bemoaned Kyouya's fate.

Akane exclaimed, "Are you kidding? I'm more worried about _you_ than I am Ukyou. At least _she_ isn't a bisexual boy."

"An' you just accused me of _what?_ Look here, Tendo-san, you just admitted Ran-chan's curse is safe in my hands after claiming I wasn't!" Ukyou sounded offended if Ranma was any judge.

"Asami-san's worse-"

"Later, sis. It's kind of noisy around here so I'm going to check out the guys. Are you sure you don't want to go for a walk with me?" Ranma heard Nabiki say and welcomed her departure. The fewer witnesses the better in her book. She cracked her eyes open.

"Then, perhaps someone neutral," Kyouya offered. "Saotome-san or Konatsu-san should be considered.

The panda held up a sign saying, "Your problem, boy." He flipped it so they could see, "You're choice."

Ranma levered herself up to her knees and sat back with a frown. "I'm right here, you guys," she complained. "Jus' touchin' me is perverted. I get it," she said, bitterly. "An' you don't want Kyouya touchin' me, either. Well, tough! He's nice an' don't insult me no matter what I look like." Ranma snatched the tube from Akane and got up, moving to kneel with her back to Kyouya. Handing him the sunscreen, she said, "Do my back for me. I'll do the rest in the change house."

She heard him flip the top open and squeeze out a dollop of goo close behind. Without further warning or fuss, he smeared the cool cream onto her back and began spreading it around her shoulder blades and down her spine. Ranma glared at Akane and Ukyou the whole time. They glared back. Konatsu was a few meters away and focused on building a sandcastle with dry sand rather than get in an argument between three girls. 'We prob'ly remind him of his step-sisters,' she thought, somewhat morbidly.

In virtually no time at all, Kyouya was nearly done. Her anger was enough to keep from getting distracted when Kyouya made sure to get all the areas under the strings of her bikini top. "All finished, Ranma-chan," Kyouya announced.

Ranma twisted around to say, "Thanks, Kyouya," and accept the tube of sunscreen from him. She stared coolly at her fiancées and stood, walking to the edge of the beach blanket area to slip on the purple sandals, and strode off through the sand toward the change house.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki was slowly making her way back from the change house after using the facilities. A disturbance in the flow of boys directed her attention to an irate looking familiar little pig-tailed girl. She was carrying a tube of sunscreen toward the change house. 'Way to go, imouto-chan. Keep it up and you won't have to worry about being married to either gender.'

She changed her plans slightly, deciding to delay her search for wealthy boys. Conscripting the other girls and boys of her group could add more sexual mass to put her on more equal footing with the cliques of the wealthy targets. 'Then again, if they don't behave, it could turn into a disaster,' she considered. 'I'll just have to see how it goes. If Ranma's in a snit, the others may be worse. I only really need Ranma, anyway.'

The Tendo camp was an emotional mess when she got there. Her father, who had been unobtrusively lounging under a hat and sunglasses, had pulled Akane out and away for a quiet lecture. Nabiki doubted it was about her choice in swimsuit. Ukyou was glaring at the panda holding a sign saying, "The nose knows." He flipped the sign to read, "You and my daughter are not compatible."

Ukyou stood angrily and snarled something at the panda. The chef turned and barked, "Konatsu, we're goin' swimming!" and stomped off through the crowd toward the surf with the dutiful kunoichi trailing.

'That was a strange exchange,' Nabiki thought as she shucked her sandals at the edge of the beach blanket. "Anything happen while I was gone?" she asked, airily. 'As if any idiot couldn't tell.'

Kyouya stood and looked toward the change room. "My parents are here," he said.

'Well, that was unexpected,' Nabiki thought.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genma lay in panda form with as much of his bulk as he could fit into the shadow of the rearmost umbrella. The day had been confusing in an educational way. Asami Kyouya was definitely not human, that much he was sure of, but he did not fit any tales of mer-folk, either. He certainly did not smell of fish or sea weed. He smelled strongly of male human hormones but lacked many of the other smells that made up people. It was both alarming and… not. 'Asami Kyouya, if that's his real name, seems way too perfect from a woman's point of view.' Genma snorted to test the air with his nose once more. 'What in the world _is_ he? He doesn't look at other girls on the beach and obeys Ranma like the perfect husband. Yet, there's no trace of sexual excitement other than his constantly thick male-smell.

'If that strange boy is trying to seduce my child, then he's executing all the right moves. Ranma is more comfortable around him than around any of his fiancées.' Genma's problem was that he could find no threatening behavior, no ulterior motive, nothing at all about the strange non-human that would set off his sakkijutsu. For now, he would watch and wait.

His ears twitched listening to Tendo-kun finish up his lecture to his youngest. It was about time his old friend started reigning her in. 'The boy's been extraordinarily well behaved, today, and here Akane-chan botched an opportunity Ranma practically handed to her. Why are the two of them have to be so afraid of each other?' He knew Ranma was sensitive about his curse. That was Akane-chan's fault as much as anyone else's. Genma's nose could tell the youngest Tendo was physically interested in both of Ranma's forms, unlike the chef. She was deathly afraid of showing it, though.

'I'm going to have another talk with Tendo-kun. Just lecturing her about her behavior won't work like it does on Ranma. Akane-chan has a real problem besides her mouth and temper.' Genma reflected upon the differences between the two teens. Ranma liked to argue and was almost always defensive but took the lectures to heart despite the affected attitude. Akane was usually easier to reason with and more pleasant, too, but had gaping blind spots.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma exited the change room wearing a blush. A lot of women and kids were in there, now. It was embarrassing enough having to put sunscreen on _all_ over just so there was _no_ chance of getting tan lines. (Of course, she'd played that dodge ball game without sunscreen so there was an ominous cloud on that horizon. At least tomorrow there should be no obvious burn mark showing the whole class of guys what her bikini covered and what it did not.) No, the blush was because a middle-aged, or older, woman noticed the lotion wasn't for tanning but for blocking and complimented her very nicely on having good sense to take care of her skin. The woman explained that too much sun will make the skin wrinkly so she'd look like a prune later in life and may get cancer. Cologne and Happosai came to mind and Ranma decided not to look like that at any cost.

In the open common area between the men's and women's change houses, she noted there were a lot of people passing through the entrance to the beach now that it is early afternoon. Two surprising individuals descending the gentle sidewalk ramp to the beach ahead attracted her attention. Ranma sprinted, dodging other beach-goers and called, "Yuuno-san, Yamachu-san, are you here to check up on Kyuoya?" They turned upon hearing her voice and waited until Ranma could catch up. She tried not to notice Chiaki's day-glow orange one-piece with its leather belt accessory or her the cat ears she wore. Masunori, fortunately, had no extra ears but wore a leather skull cap with dangling chin straps. His trunks looked like greased brown leather and were held up by suspenders with bras tabs.

"Ah, Saotome-san!" Chiaki exclaimed with a bright smile. "How fortunate to meet you alone."

Ranma caught up with them and they moved off the main path to exchange greetings. Masunori quickly got down to business. "Our data indicated the pro- Kyouya has not gone swimming, yet. Is there a reason why?"

Shaking her head, she explained, "I haven't gone swimming, either; no one has. I will, soon, though."

He visibly relaxed and asked, "What is your assessment of his performance today?"

Caught off guard because she honestly had not thought about it, Ranma answered, "He's been fine. Not pushy at all like my fiancées. And, he's been helping do stuff. We waited tables when my friend, Kuonji Ukyou, set up a small okonomiyaki stand. He even did stuff without me asking. That's good 'cause the girls are enough of a pain already."

"How do you mean, Saotome-san," Chiaki asked.

"It's like… If Kyouya hangs around me _too_ close, they'll want to kill him right after they kill me, first," Ranma replied.

"You believe your human friends may have another violent episode?" Masunori asked, as if to clarify something that should be obvious.

For the life of her, Ranma had no idea why she suddenly felt guilty about making her fiancées look like raging monsters without taking _some_ of the credit. "I'm pretty violent, too, sometimes. Usually, people come looking for a fight with me because I'm so great but sometimes I'm the one who starts it."

The three of them were approaching the Tendo camp by what had become a human trail of traffic between settlements. Ranma could see Kyouya waiting for them. Her father's ears twitched and his head rose from the blanket until he sat on his rear. He greeted the Asami parents with a sign saying, "Good afternoon. Please join me." That sign disappeared and another replaced it. "We have a few things to discuss."

Chiaki smiled and went through her artificial family introduction. Masunori used the time to examine her father with a large and incredibly complicated brass binocular. It had a whole lot of lens pieces on gears or folding arms. A faintly flickering green light could be seen in their depts. Pretty much everyone around stared back at him while he examined her old man turning gears and changing lenses.

"Boy, take Asami-kun and Akane-chan for a swim, or something," another sign said. Ranma decided the Asami couple could fend for themselves. Her father was in one of his ordering moods.

Kyouya looked to Ranma. Ranma looked around and spotted a chagrined Akane headed toward her. "Alright, whatever," she said. "Might as well." A gnawing fear began growing in her belly, though; a fear of Akane the rock playing in water. 'We just won't go in very deep,' she decided but really wanted to see how well Kyouya could swim.

A quick check found her new hat, sundress and sandals still in the area. 'Guess Nabiki ain't sold 'em, yet.' Ranma had mixed feelings about her girl-clothes. She liked looking good no matter which gender she was but always seemed to end up getting the better quality stuff for her girl-side. Having next to zero cash was a total pain and, if she'd known yesterday that Kyouya was going to spend _that_ much on her, she'd have bought more guy-clothes. 'It's a long way to the new year,' she thought on the next opportunity for free stuff.

"Ranma," Akane began in an uncharacteristically conciliatory tone, "sorry about earlier. I promise next time I'll just do it and let Ukyou complain all she wants."

Dropping her gaze to the sand, Ranma fidgeted with her pigtail. "Ah, I ended up puttin' it on all over, anyway." The quizzical look on Akane's face turned into a pair of raised eyebrows. "Yeah," Ranma admitted, "Think about where it would have to go to leave _no_ lines." That was enough said about that, she decided.

"Nice coconuts, Ranma-chan," Nabiki said as she approached from the side. "I can smell your sunscreen from ten meters away. You didn't eat the tube, did you?"

Ranma looked at the tube still in her hand. "No. There's still some left," she said. 'Prob'ly not as much as Kasumi expected,' she mentally added. With that reminder, she asked, "Anyone need some?"

Akane shook her head. "I brought my own but it's not as strong as Kasumi-oneechan's."

"Me, too," Nabiki said. "There's a few guys down the beach back past the change houses playing volleyball. Let's head over there and see if we can get into a game."

"I need to go swimming or Pop will get on my case for being lazy," Ranma said, logging her objection.

"So, there's water over there, too," Nabiki countered. "Come with us and go for a quick swim after introductions. You can join in when you're done. I'll even let you be on _my_ team."

"_Your_ team, Ranma's going to be on _my_ team," Akane objected. Ranma wondered at her fiancée's instant memory loss but then again, Akane hadn't promised to be nice toward rivals, just to make sure she wins against them. Ranma's sakkijutsu tingled ominously.

"Say," Ranma interrupted, "should we exchange swimsuits? I could swim a lot better if I knew it'd stay on."

Nabiki put a finger on her jaw and looked at the sky as if in thought. "Hmm, let me think about it for a minute. How about… not. That suit looks too cute on you."

Franticly thinking, Ranma held her hands out, pleading as if it should be obvious. "But what if a boob comes out when I jump?"

She knew she'd lost when Nabiki smiled like a shark. "Then _my_ team would be even _more_ popular. You don't _seriously_ think I'd play volleyball if there were no guys, do you?"

Ranma groaned while Akane protested. "Honestly, Sis, don't you like _any_ sports?"

"Depends on what you call a sport," Nabiki quipped.

"Akane," Ranma said hopefully, "trade?"

"Ranma, I picked out that swimsuit for you. The least you could do is wear it without complaining all the time." Akane coolly replied.

The pigtailed girl felt hugely betrayed by her fiancée but Akane took her hand and started dragging her along after Nabiki. Kyouya tailed them discretely. Apparently, he had more skill at not saying what was on his mind than Ranma.

The four of them trekked across the sand weaving through tiny domains set up like the Tendo family's as if every person in Tokyo came here to establish a fiefdom. There were a lot of kids of all ages. Ranma blushed seeing one mother breast-feeding an infant under an umbrella while the father watched twin boys about five or six pushing toy earth movers around in the sand.

Eventually, their journey ended and Ranma waited in silence while Nabiki approached the older guys, ostensibly to join their private sand volleyball game. She waved and smiled when Nabiki introduced her. Kyouya did the same, though more deferentially. Akane smiled brilliantly and began explaining how she was on the school team and asked if any of them had heard of Furinkan. Ranma almost gagged over how energetic Akane was about the game. The girl even pumped her fist in the air. 'What a jock of a tomboy,' Ranma thought in growing apathy for the game. 'It ain't like I can _really_ play without destroying the other team, and the ball while I'm at it. Nabiki just wants me to shake my boobs at them while she finds out who's the richest.

'I haven't even played this game since, like, middle-school, sometime.' Even then, he had played only infrequently. Injuring other players with the ball and generally being better than all of them combined meant he was never invited. Few teachers forced him to play more than necessary. 'An' I _still_ don't want to play.' An idea came to mind based on her last school experience with the sport. Timidly, Ranma held up her hand. "I-I don't really remember the rules. I haven't played in a few years. I'd rather go for a swim, first, but m-maybe, maybe I should just cheer the teams when I get back?"

Akane made bug-eyes at her. Nabiki looked torn between having an ace driver and having a race queen. Ranma faced her fiancée. "Akane, would you like to swim, too?" she asked feeling like a total fool for inviting such disaster but something about Akane's willingness to hang out with the older men here just rubbed her back the wrong way. These guys were definitely not in high school. They may even be in their early twenties.

Her fiancée, however, declined the once-in-a-lifetime invitation. "I'm not ready for that right now, Ranma-chan. Maybe later."

Ranma's smile sank along with her heart. "Okay. Maybe later."

"I will go swimming with you, Ranma-chan," Kyouya said with the kindest most reassuring smile she'd ever seen on a guy before. It was rare enough on the women she knew and here was Kyouya, ready to lift her spirits.

"Okay, let's go," she said, smile returning. She took Kyouya's hand and headed toward the water. 'Akane can probably stuff all of these guys into the same trash can. If she wants to play with them, well, fine – whatever.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou felt a thousand percent better after a good swim. The water had cooled her temper and she had to admit Konatsu wasn't that bad a swimmer for a beginner. "My stepsisters and stepmother did not want me to leave the tea house. There were many chores to do and customers to care for," he had told her.

'That's a genius kunoichi for you,' she thought, impressed by his progress and lack of fear. They found Saotome Genma in quiet conversation with the odd Asami couple. "Hey, old man," she said to the stocky guy with a handkerchief tied on his bald head, "you seen Ran-chan? I wanna apologize for loosin' it with Akane, earlier."

Genma pushed his glasses up his nose and shook his head. "I sent the boy swimming at least half an hour ago. He should still be at it if he knows what's good for him."

"Huh," Ukyou said. "I didn't see 'im."

"Oh, we saw Ranma-chan and Asami-san swimming down that way," Kasumi said pointing toward the beach past the change houses. She and Ono-sensei were looking fairly comfortable sitting under the umbrella together.

"Thanks, hon. I'll go look for him after I grab a towel, here," Ukyou said.

"Thank you very much Tendo-san," Konatsu added with a bow.

"You're very welcome – and so polite, too," Kasumi enthused.

Ukyou felt like leaving before her teeth rotted and went straight for her pack. It was nice how Konatsu would carry all the heavy stuff for her. 'Maybe I should increase his salary by five or ten yen.'

"I think I'll go with you, Ukyou-chan," Tendo Soun said, twisting a tail of his mustache in his fingers. "I need to stretch my legs, anyway. Let me get my cigarettes."

She shrugged and let that pass for agreement. Before long, they were hiking through the crowded beach. She headed more toward the waterline than the change house in case Ranma had moved. Ukyou knew Ranma could _move_ in water. They walked through the surf scanning the throngs of swimmers, waders, floaters, and bathers for Ranma or any of the others that might give a clue to their whereabouts.

There was no sign of Ranma but she'd just started looking. "Ran-chan's here, somewhere," she said to herself.

Konatsu suddenly trotted ahead and inland to a lifeguard's tower. The man with the binoculars and radio on top looked down at something Konatsu said and replied but Ukyou could not read his lips from here. The male kunoichi nodded and bowed trotting back to them. Ukyou could already guess the answer from the incredulous look on his face and the way his right arm was pointing out at the horizon.

They met and Konatsu said in awe, "Saotome-sama and Asami-sama are fifty meters out there swimming together! The lifeguard says they are swimming synchronized up and down the beach! They even helped with a rescue three stations away when some poor lady in a tube was pulled out to sea!"

Ukyou shrugged but could not help but grin. "Ran-chan's good with water. I guess Asami-san would be, too, if he's a merman."

Soun nodded and took a drag from his cigarette. "Are you two going to join them?" he asked.

"No," Ukyou replied, "talking and swimming don't mix and we just got out of the water. We need a breather before jumping back in." Still, her curiosity was piqued. That lifeguard's binoculars looked useful.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki was having great fun despite Ranma's no-show. Akane was playing for the other team and helping them so much that her team was being slaughtered. The guys on her team loved coaching her with their hands-on teaching style and so did Nabiki. On the opposite side of the net, those guys weren't so lucky. Akane was a very good player easily able to keep up with them and often had incredible saves. That meant they had no excuse (other than really obvious lame ones) to provide the same level of coaching Nabiki enthusiastically received.

'Now, if only I can find out if Asada-kun _owns_ the Sylvia, or if his father owns it.' It made a difference because, if Asada owned it, that meant he was either independently successful, or his father had significant net worth. They took ten to fifteen minute breaks to quench their thirst and socialize between every game. Except for the instance she needed to use the facilities, Nabiki put the time to good use.

She leaned back into Asada Mitsuaki as he guided her fist toward the volleyball. It may have been her serve but she did not mind his help in the least. He was tall and lanky with sinewy arms and legs showing he lived an active life. His skin was a golden brown and hot to the touch. His hair was just a shade darker. He smelled exciting.

The ball flew in a lazy high arc to the other side and Asada darted back to his position in time for Akane to set the ball for her teammate, the oldest man in the group, one who'd shown a lot of interest in her younger sister. Mukami Haseo was the most athletic of the men. Not quite as tall as Asada-san, he was seriously ripped, though. Nabiki thought it was almost gross but Akane was something of a muscle-head, too. He executed the spike flawlessly smacking the ball hard down left when her front line teammate jumped guessing right. Akane traded high fives with him, laughing when he tried to get more.

A cloud of rank cigarette smoke drifted across the safety zone around the improvised sand court. Nabiki caught a whiff of it. There, among the scattered spectators and people whose camp was simply unfortunately close, was her father. He had a cold look in his eyes. Personally, she'd rather see him crying. _This_ look was bad.

The other team rotated and her sister moved to the front line. There were four on her team and five on Nabiki's. The second youngest man of their group stepped out to serve. He was a little baby-faced and the others treated him and his roommate as kohai. Those two were not wealthy. Neither were their parents if Nabiki had to guess.

The ball flew in a low arc over the net and Asada dove for it making a slightly crooked and low set for the front row. Akane and the man behind, a soft-looking business major named Yamada Shuhei, collided going after the ball as it came down between them inside the foul line. Her sister laughed and took Mukami's offered hand. He easily pulled her up from the sand and into his arms to "steady" her. Akane laughed it off. Nabiki shook her head with a lopsided grin over her sister's odd acceptance of the older man.

A large puff of smoke blowing by, though this time a quirk of the wind spared her, returned Nabiki's attention to the sideline. Her father seemed to have finished that cigarette in a hurry and was casually pulling out another. "You know, guys, I think we're going to have to go, soon," she announced.

"So soon? Come on, we're down four games to one. I at least want to win one more before you leave," one guy complained. He was a complainer. She didn't like him and worked to forget his name.

"Can we at least finish this game? We're nine to thirteen," Asada said.

Her sister must have heard on the other side. "What? No way! We just got started! We can mix up the teams after this if you want."

"Okay, but I want your number in exchange!" Nabiki said with a smile toward Asada.

"You got it, Tendo-san," he smiled back.

For the next eight minutes, she and her team struggled to make up ground so her B-team could win against the A-team but all they ended up doing was trading the serve. Nabiki noticed Konatsu watching from the side, too, and figured Ukyou wasn't far away.

A crackly bull-horn startled everyone in the area. "IS THIS ON? RAN-CHAN! HEY, RAN-CHAN! GET YOUR LITTLE STRAWBERRY-COVERED ASS IN HERE!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes and chuckled. Ukyou was standing on top the lifeguard's chair in her conservative black bikini set yelling out into the ocean at her team's delinquent cheerleader.

The stalemate in volleyball finally broke when Akane's team scored. Nabiki's team lasted longer than she thought by winning the serve back and scoring one, themselves, before losing the serve and then losing the game. Nabiki discretely exchanged numbers with Asada as the team splintered from the sand court for a quick break hoping her father wasn't watching.

He wasn't. He was watching Akane giving hugs around to her team, or rather, her team passing her around for hugs. Either way, Nabiki almost dropped her precious slip of paper when she saw her sister being friendly with three older guys in front of her father.

A demon head made of ki and anger flared up over the other side of the volleyball court. "Oops," Nabiki said half to herself, "it looks like little sister's pushed too many of Daddy's buttons."

"Why are you touching my daughter?" her father's giant demon head demanded in an eerie and threatening tone. Twin streams of smoke billowed out of its nose. Its teeth were very pointy looking and the eyes glowed from deep red points in the skull. People scattered.

Akane was soon the only one on the sand court. Her fan-club of hot men excused themselves to, "give her some space with her father," as Akane's favorite, Mukami, said. Nabiki just hoped Asada-san would answer the phone after this if she called.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma tried knocking the water out of her ears but they seemed endlessly full. They were not so full that she couldn't hear Ukyou bellowing from the beach as she passed by. She and Kyouya trudged up from the surf feeling the weight of dry land assert itself. Her fingers checked the bikini out of habit. The darn thing really did not want to stay on. She ended up re-tying it tighter and doubling the knots. The little ropes were cutting into her.

Kyouya strode onto the beach beside her. "You really are a good swimmer, Kyouya," she told him while wringing excess water from her pigtail.

"Thank you, Ranma-chan. Last night Yuugama-san loaded all the knowledge to swim she could find. That is what she told me. I am very happy you are satisfied with my performance." A few more strides toward the lifeguard tower and Kyouya added, "They are coming right now, Yamachu-bucho and Yuuno-san."

Ranma looked up and over toward where she thought the Tendo camp was but did not see them, yet. Ukyou found her first. "Hey, Ran-chan, sorry about that. I thought you were goin' to swim out there all day."

"Meh. I could. It wasn't like I could get tired goin' as slow as I was 'cause o' this stupid thing," she said tugging at one of the tight strings on her strawberry-print bikini.

"So," Ukyou said, "why didn't you take it off?"

Ranma tilted her head in confusion. "Then, do what? Carry it?"

"You're a member of the Indiscriminate Grappling School. Wear it on your head."

"Phttt," Ranma blew a raspberry at Ukyou but laughed at the sick joke, anyway.

"I've been waitin' for you to come in, Ran-chan. Sorry about that thing with Akane," Ukyou apologized.

Ranma waived it off. "No biggie. I had to put the sunscreen on all over, anyway. And I mean _all_ over."

"Oookaaay…" Ukyou drawled.

"There you are, boy," she heard her father call and turned to see him looking human. The Asami parents were with him. "We need to talk. I think we'll be leaving soon, too. Tendo-kun was going to look for where you and the girls went." Her father sent a questioning glanced toward Ukyou but her friend shrugged.

Ranma answered, instead. "They wanted to play volleyball with some guys over that way, I think." She pointed to the other side of the tall lifeguard's chair.

"You should be spending the time with your fiancée," her father commented and crossed his arms for effect.

"Akane's only interested in showin' off her volleyball skill an' Nabiki's just wants a pair o' big boobs to lure guys," she replied and crossed _her_ arms, too.

"Was Kyouya adequate in the water?" Masunori suddenly asked her.

Ranma gave him a nod. "He kept up with me even though I was goin' slow; for me, that is. His form seems perfect." To Kyouya, she asked, "How much faster can you swim?"

Kyouya answered, "I think eighty or ninety percent faster but it is hard to estimate. Legs are not made for swimming."

"I guess that's kind o' fast," Ranma mused though she could go much faster for short sprints. "How's Konatsu doing, U-chan?"

The group strolled in the right general direction to reach the sand court Ranma remembered while dodging human traffic. Ukyou finally said, "He did all right – really well for his first big trip to the ocean to swim."

"Cool." Ranma continued to drip sea water and sand clung to her feet working its way up over her ankles when they found the sand court. Akane and her father were having themselves a little face-off. Nabiki waived them toward her side where she stood with Konatsu.

"What's going on?" Ranma asked when they grew near enough.

"Family stuff, Saotome," Nabiki said, snubbing her.

"Fine, whatever."

"Ranma-sama is an incredible swimmer," Konatsu enthused, "and so is Asami-san."

She preened a little in response but it didn't last. There was just too much going on and she had a hard time keeping up with the events of such a busy day. 'Heading home sounds like a pretty good plan. I still got t' help Kyouya with that landlady, Ishihara Keiko, and her stubborn desire to hold a welcoming party.'

Akane broke from her father wearing a nasty frown. Ranma didn't expect she'd be hearing nice things from her angry fiancée. She was right. "I want you to teach me how to swim, Ranma," her fiancée stated in a clipped tone.

"Uh, but I just got in and…" Ranma trailed off looking toward her father. Genma adjusted his glasses and stared at the sand. 'You're no help at all, you stupid panda.' To Akane, she said, "Sure, okay, but can we change swimsuits? I had to tie this stupid thing tight so it wouldn't come off in the water."

Looking hurt and haughty, Akane crossed her arms saying, "Oh, I get it. You'd rather wear the one Kyouya bought for you." Ranma blinked. Akane summed that up pretty well but she wasn't done. "I'll bet he's a great swimmer." Ranma nodded slowly, mouth open and sakkijutsu buzzing nastily. "You spent all afternoon with him," Ranma didn't nod, move or think, "but you can't stand the swimsuit I picked out but love his. You can't even stick around to cheer me on."

Fight or flight instincts kicked in. "What do you need cheering for, tomboy? You're _already_ more muscley than those guys you wanted to show off for instead of learning to swim when I _asked_. And _this_," she said plucking at the taught string between her breasts, "is what _you_ wanted. _I_ wanted the suit Nabiki's wearing. I wore this 'cause I thought you wanted to see me in it!"

"S-_see_ you in it? As i-_if_ you stupid p-pervert!" Akane yelled back, stuttering badly.

Ranma's blood suddenly ran cold. Akane had been jerking her around. Akane didn't like her girl-side. That meant she liked to feminize Ranma for fun, just like Nabiki and Kasumi. She suddenly felt light-headed. Kyouya turned her around toward him and wrapped her in his arms.

She was still struggling with the horrible realization when Akane yelled, "You really _are_ turning into a girl! Ranma, you moron!"

Ukyou yelled back, "Shut _up_ Tendo! Don't make me kick your ass, jackass!"

"Get your hands off my fiancé!" Akane yelled and Ranma found herself flung to the sand by Kyouya just as a sickening crunch filled the air. Someone in the crowd shrieked.

Ranma quickly rolled to her feet but the damage was already done. Kyouya's head and neck looked very wrong from where he lay in a heap on the sand. Akane stood over him with her mallet, chi blazing in anger until her father grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her roughly into the air with him bounding over the crowd toward their makeshift camp.

Kyouya got up slowly but his posture was nauseating to everyone in the crowd who looked at him and had witnessed the unfortunate event. Whistles and shouts of alarm began.

"Nabiki-chan," her father gently said. "The boy and I will be going home separately. Can you let your father know this is not as bad as it looks?" Nabiki made no reaction and was starting to look green. Ukyou would not look at Kyouya at all. Not that Ranma blamed her.

"I am da ma ge d," Kyouya sort of said. He stood there blinking, head and upper spine showing the effects of a chi-reinforced mallet blow.

"K-kyouya, can… you remember my name?" Ranma asked.

"Ye s, yo ur a me is Sa o to me Ra n ma," he replied.

"Can you remember your name?" she asked.

"A sa mi Kyo u ya."

"Can you make him better?" she asked Masunori.

The man stopped gaping and nodded. "This… may take some time."

Genma cleared his throat and put a hand on Konatsu's shoulder. "Konatsu-kun, could you do us a favor and meet us in the parking lot with our packs? Ranma will need some clothes and I could do with a change, too, after being in the sun all day."

"Of course, Saotome-san," Konatsu said, though weakly and stared after the Tendos. Ukyou grabbed Nabiki's arm and started running that way.

"I think it would be a good idea if you and Kuonji-kun left separately, too. I have a feeling Tendo-kun will want some time alone with his family," Genma said, adjusting his glasses. Konatsu nodded and launched himself toward the Tendo camp.

The whistles were coming, and fast. It was time to leave. "Can you run to the parking lot, Asumi-kun?" her father asked Kyouya. "Don't nod or say anything, just run." Kyouya took off toward the change house. The crowd screamed in horror.

Ranma shook herself out of the returning stupor and pointed at the remaining Asami family. "I got the lighter one. You get the other," she claimed and darted toward Yuuno Chiaki, whose brain looked like it had locked up. Ranma slung her over her shoulder and turned back to begin trotting toward the lot. Her father was two steps ahead.

The white truck was already waiting for them. Kyouya's smashed head and bent spine slowed foot traffic enough so Ranma and her father had no trouble dodging the others even if the injured prototype left a wake of screams behind. Kyouya disappeared up and through the door ahead of them to Ranma's relief. A moment later, so did her father. She was ready to get out of there in the worst way. She could hear sets of shoes clomping behind and whistles tweeting.

Jumping through the door, she settled a dazed Chiaki to the floor and held on until the saleswoman found her footing before turning back to the door. "Stay here, boy," her father ordered her and jumped out the back for a few seconds. He reappeared with two bags, a hat and a wad of clothes. "Asami Masunori-kun, go!" The door closed by itself and there was a gentle lurch.

Ranma steadied herself and decided to just sit down on the floor. Once she did, though, she was reminded of how tight her swimsuit is and how much it chaffed. The crew of the Chronos Heaven beta-test program was ostentatiously busy strapping Kyouya into his chair when her father held her pack out. "I hear they serve hot tea, here, without the tea in it."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Yuugama Yui, like the other three Chronos Heaven staff, ignored the soft cries of the customer clinging to her father. Instead, she focused upon retrieving every last bit of data from the prototype. The work this time would be mind-bogglingly extensive but most of it would fall to Kazeyama Hiroki. Yamachu-bucho would have to explain this one to the company and she was glad it was _his_ job, not hers.

'They'll probably want ways to avoid a recurrence so once again software comes to the rescue.'

Behind the chair, Hiroki started mumbling, "Asami Kyouya, sextronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic orgasmotron. Asami Kyouya will be that device. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."


	7. Living at the Edge

**Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Living at the Edge**

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Genma was not a happy man listening to his child struggle to regain emotional mastery. He stood amid a small science laboratory which he knew was housed inside an ordinary-looking white delivery truck. He braced his feet to support his child while the truck swayed through a turn. Black dials and glowing push-buttons were scattered amongst a variety of older steam gauges providing a distracting backdrop for the problem at hand. He held Ranma while she cried softly into his dougi and clutched the worn white material in her small hands. The reduced size of her cursed body reminded him of the last time his child had cried so broken-heartedly almost eleven years ago. For once, his resolve to join the two heirs of Musabetsu Kakuto faltered.

Toward the front of the truck, two men, one of which he met not long ago on the beach under the shade of a trio of large umbrellas, were fussing over what he now knew was a humanoid robot. Nearby, a woman he hadn't yet met typed rapidly on two, small keypads strapped one each to a thigh while a flurry of tiny motes of light scrolled upward across her dark, steam-punk goggles. The whole group of them dressed oddly as if they were teenagers showing off for attention in Harajuku.

His hands absently rubbed Ranma's back, unconsciously mimicking actions that had once comforted his wife, while he waited for someone he loved just as much, if not more so, to calm down. 'What can I say?' he silently wondered. He was never good at improvising speeches, just as Ranma was not. Unfortunately, he had never given much thought to devising a comforting lecture for a gender-confused child hurt by a fiancée. He swore at that moment to try and come up with something inspirational even if it took weeks of effort. 'Nodoka would know,' he decided, 'but approaching her with Ranma like this might blow up in our faces.' Still, it was only a matter of time before his wife truly realized she had a daughter as well as a son. Ranma was in no shape right now to deal with that horror.

Genma felt the truck gently brake before all motion stopped. The odd people belonging to the Chronos Heaven Corporation noticed and suspended their mysterious activities and hushed conversation. The young woman rose to stand beside the two men as they approached. The one who had introduced himself as Asami Masunori, Kyouya's father, cleared his throat before introducing the others. "Saotome-san, this is Kazeyama Hiroki," he said indicating the man on his left, "and this is Yuugama Yui," motioning toward the woman sliding the fancy goggles up onto her forehead. "My real name is Yamachu Masunori."

He did not really care who they were yet felt relieved when the introduction served to distract his child and restore some small measure of normalcy to Ranma's emotional state. "Saotome Genma – pleasure to meet you," he returned. The four of them exchanged very brief formalities which he noted Ranma was not directly included in. "You've all met my son, before?" he asked, knowing they surely must have given the lack of reaction, much less surprise, his child exhibited.

Yui gave a slight smile and a nod to confirm his guess when the door behind and to his left hissed and opened. "Bucho?" the woman he knew as Asami Chiaki called, poking her head through the opening.

Masunori nodded to a questioning look Hiroki shot him and the engineer quickly scooted by to exit the truck. The team leader told Chiaki, "Please take care of the Saotome while I make my report. Yuugama-kun still has work to do and Kazeyama-kun has gone after some spare parts."

Chiaki bowed from where she stood on the street below the truck's bed and asked Genma, "Would you two like some tea and cakes?" Genma nodded. Whether from the interruption or mention of tea and cake, Ranma finally separated and drew her posture up toward something he was more accustomed to seeing on her. He moved toward the door but Chiaki held her hand out, palm up. "I _am_ sorry but you should not leave the truck," she stated, and looked truly apologetic about it. Genma grunted and caught the sour look Ranma made but decided to let it rest. Chiaki smiled a tired smile and ducked back out letting the door hiss closed behind her.

Taking a couple of breaths, he deliberated on whether to start the conversation, or not, but decided to just forge ahead and make the opening move. "A life-sized _sex_ toy – what were you thinking, boy?" he asked, his eyes locking involuntarily on the sleeping, damaged Kyouya enthroned upon the wide chair at the head of the odd, mobile laboratory.

"Yuugama-san," Ranma began, voice burred from crying, "will Kyouya be all right? You _are _going to fix him, right?"

Yui, already headed back to her console, offered, "That is the plan." The woman regained her chair and pulled the goggles back over her eyes. "Please have a seat," she off-handedly said and resumed her typing, starting slowly at first and gradually picking up speed. Responding to her fingers' movement, the motes of light in her goggles flew upward like sparks dancing from a camp fire.

He shook off the strange image and dismissed the woman to return his attention to Ranma. "Well?" he prompted.

"He's my _friend!"_ Ranma answered defensively. More introspectively, she added, "They set him on friend-mode for me. I didn't want him for _that._"

Genma accurately guessed what "that" was the that Ranma meant. _Why_ Ranma felt he needed a sex-robot man for a friend still had him concerned. "You _should_ be sharing your feelings with Akane-chan," he chided, though he was disappointed in the youngest Tendo girl's behavior. 'That girl should be doing the same with my boy! Why can't the two of them just get along?' he groused in frustration over the slow development of their relationship and its constant setbacks. Ranma merely crossed her arms under her strawberry-print bikini top and turned her back to him. He knew she was pouting. He sighed. "When we get back, tonight, use the Crouch of the Wild Tiger technique to get back into her good graces. That trick always works."

There was an unpleasant pause in Ranma's response. The statement that followed it was even more unpleasant. "I'm not going back; not tonight." It was then he knew Ranma's heels were digging in.

'This is going to be a problem,' he thought, worriedly. Aloud, he said, "We can't go back to your mother's like this and I didn't bring a tent. You'll have to change back." Ranma did not respond. Instead, she walked toward the sleeping robot with its sickening deformity. "She'll still want to know what happened," he pointed out, still intent upon getting his child back to Tendo-ke. Ranma reached a hand out placing it lightly on the sex-doll's arm. He was becoming somewhat alarmed. Fighting, yelling, complaining – these were all reactions he expected but not this. "I'm sure Akane-chan is worried. You should at least see her."

Ranma turned with a dark, sad fire in her eyes and said, "No! I ain't goin' back there! They don't _care_ about me! All they want's to turn me into a _girl_ so they can make fun of me!"

Genma knew that wasn't right, not just as a father or an adult, but because he knew Akane found Ranma's girl side attractive. He knew the other two Tendo girls liked Ranma more as a girl than as a boy even if there was no sexual tension between them. The Tendo family was absolutely _not _trying to get Ranma to leave. 'How do I explain that without making it sound like she's right?' he considered in growing frustration. "Akane-chan _is_ attracted to your girl side. My nose says so and it's never been wrong." 'I've interpreted it wrong but that's not worth mentioning.'

"Oh, yeah?" Ranma said in growing heat. "Then why'd she tell me she _didn't_ find me _attractive?"_ she said, ending in an emotional shout.

"She lied, of course," he answered, trying to sound reasonable. Ranma was right, though. Akane clearly stated she did _not_ like Ranma that way and it was a crushing emotional blow to his child. The only remotely positive things to happen during that nightmarish encounter were that Soun was obviously angry with his youngest and Akane hit the sex-robot rather than Ranma. It wasn't a total loss but it was still a bitter defeat.

The magnitude of that defeat became clearer when Ranma, shaking with growing rage, clenched the hand _not_ on the robot into a fist. "I don't care! I'm not… I'm _sick_ of it!" she screamed. "I _ain't_ goin' back there; not tonight! She wants to be my fiancé and she doesn't want anyone else to be my fiancé but she can't stand to look at me! She hates me! Does she hate me that bad that she wants to keep hurting me instead o' breakin' off the engagement?"

Genma closed his eyes and silently began a litany of profanities over the entire situation. Over the course of a single day, the marriage went from a near certainty to a near impossibility, all over some harsh words from the Tendo girl. That raised a valid point. "So it's okay if you insult Akane-chan but not okay if she insults you?" he asked. That caught Ranma by surprise and took a lot of the steam out of her temper. "Why don't we go back to Tendo-ke. I'm sure Akane-chan didn't mean it."

A small measure of fire returned to his child's eyes at that suggestion. "I ain't goin' back." She turned her attention to the sex-robot, gazing up into its face. "I'm staying with Kyouya, tonight." When she returned her attention to him, Genma was about to protest but she cut him off. "One or two days – that's all. I'm not goin' back to beg Akane to take me back; not when it's _her_ fault."

His resolve wavered, again, at those words. Ranma was in the right this time and some time apart might be what she needed for her anger to cool over her fiancé's insensitive words, even if, as Genma suspected, Akane was lying.

Approaching his child, he wondered when he'd begun to think of her as a part-time daughter. 'I hope Ranma survives the trauma when Nodoka realizes it,' he idly mused. However, if he were to permit Ranma to stay overnight with Kyouya, one thing had to be made perfectly clear to her. He approached the robot's dais to face his child. Genma pushed the bridge of his glasses up his nose and frowned down at his emotionally distraught and tired little girl. "Absolutely no sex with this thing; no kissing, no touching, no nothing," he declared as serious as he'd ever been in his life.

Ranma averted her eyes and said, "He's just a training dummy. It's not like it counts."

Genma's hackles rose in alarm and the truck spun crazily before he could ask, "You haven't had sex with him, have you?" When she didn't answer quickly enough, he repeated, "Have you?"

She shook her head and reluctantly met his eyes but there was a measure of defiance in them that he did not like in the least. "I'm learning good stuff."

'… from _him_,' Genma's thoughts filled in, 'and _not_ from Akane. This is bad.' Aloud, he asked, "Would you mind if Akane learned 'good stuff' from the Hibiki boy or the Kuno boy?" Ranma's posture stiffened, to his satisfaction, and she ground her teeth. He went on to explain, "It doesn't matter if he's a robot any more than it would matter if the Kuno boy was a robot. If you do it with Kyouya or anyone else, it will matter to Akane whether it matters to you; probably more. You know how she is." Ranma gave a jerky nod, her gaze lost in the distance.

Genma finally lapsed into silence. The impromptu lecture he'd given severely taxed his pathetic luck in words and he knew Ranma could now be left to think for herself. The two of them stood together in silent contemplation beside the equally silent sex robot while Yui's fingers clacked rapidly on her keypads until Yuuno Chiaki returned with a tray of tea and snacks.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Soun was not a happy man as he approached a vending machine with the intent to purchase another pack of cigarettes. He'd left his youngest in the care of her older sisters. 'I need something light,' he thought, scanning the variety but his mind was more occupied with a particularly nasty dilemma – his youngest daughter.

He and his girls, along with Ono Tofu, had just arrived at the last stop closest to their house in Nerima and nicotine coursed through his system. Absorbed in the day's problems, he had fiercely huffed an entire pack and a half on the long journey. It had inflamed his nerves but did wonders for sorting out his thoughts. He knew he'd cry himself to sleep, tonight, but that would be later, after having a long and unpleasant discussion with his daughter in the dojo. There were some days when he desperately needed his wife. Today was worse than most of those.

Armed with a new pack that promised less nicotine than his favorite brands he usually kept at home, Soun started back toward where his girls were waiting near the exit. Akane had been sullen the entire ride and at each of the stations where they changed trains. He made sure to keep her next to him, whether seated or standing, while he deliberated on what to do about her behavior.

His best friend, Saotome Genma, was a superior martial artist in every respect save wisdom where Soun felt he had the advantage. Raising three girls had been difficult for a man who once stole panties under his master's critical eye but the lessons in wisdom he'd learned since were severely tested by the unfortunate actions of Akane, the daughter upon which his hopes for leaving a martial legacy rested.

Soun nodded to his oldest upon rejoining his family and the four of them made their way through the station's exit and into the cooling evening air. He absently tapped the pack in his palm before fishing for the plastic string to open it. His daughters and the young doctor quietly followed, much to his relief, while he held the open pack to his lips and drew out the first with his lips so his other hand could fish for his lighter.

The walk back home passed in a meditative state more productive than the ride home, interrupted only by the departure of Tofu. Moving, working, and training had always provided more focus than sitting still. It allowed clearer thinking than he'd had on the trains with all the noise and no way to vent pent up energy. His path became clearer the closer he came to his home and the family shrine where his wife and parents and grandparents awaited.

The ringing of a telephone snuck its way into his thoughts before they reached the gate. "That's our phone!" Kasumi, his oldest, gasped and rushed ahead yanking the gate open to disappear inside. Soun calmly stood by the gate taking a slow drag on the cigarette while his younger daughters filed inside. He felt like standing there and enjoying the sounds of the approaching evening a little more before doing what he had to do, yet one decision required immediate action.

"Akane, go change into your dougi and meet me in the dojo," he said, causing his youngest child to stop in her tracks, momentarily startled. Akane nodded and quietly followed Nabiki inside.

Soun had just enough time to exhale a lazy cloud when Kasumi called from where she stood in the genkan holding the receiver, "Father, Saotome-ojisan is on the telephone." Her voice betrayed her stress.

A dark foreboding further clouded Soun's mood. He picked up a foot and snuffed the half-used fourth light cigarette on the sole of his waraji and headed inside. Soun entered and picked up the handset from the phone resting on the small table in the alcove beside the entrance. "Hello, Tendo speaking."

"Evening, Tendo-kun," he heard Genma's voice say on the other end.

"Saotome-kun, how is Ranma-kun doing?" he asked, afraid of the answer he might get.

"It's bad, Tendo. Ranma and I aren't coming tonight."

Pain and frustration welled up inside at hearing those words. Soun held himself together hoping there would be _some_ good news. "Tomorrow, then? I plan on talking with Akane soon. We just got home."

"Maybe," Genma allowed, "maybe." His friend paused allowing the pain to return. Tears began to form over what was now a failure in relations between their children. "The last time Ranma cried like that was when I took him from his mother."

Anger flared to war with the heartache he felt – anger with his daughter. _'Both_ my youngest daughters,' he amended, although Akane bore most of the responsibility for what was becoming an ever-greater failure in family honor. He tried to deflect the conversation in a less painful direction. "You're staying with your wife, now?"

"I am." Again, Soun's tears threatened. "She's… staying with Asami-kun," Genma elaborated in a barely-audible whisper. "Strict orders not to take comfort in him – _very_ strict. If I hadn't guessed…" Soun's tears ran freely down his face. The magnitude of his daughter's failure today was far worse than he'd ever imagined. "The boy's under the stupid impression that your girls are trying to make him into a girl, too, so they can make fun of him and have cause to break the engagement. He… _she_ thinks Akane hates her and is trying to… to destroy her."

"I…" he croaked and sniffled, "Thank you, Genma. Please, I beg you to help me repair the ties between our families." He bowed deeply to the telephone, his forehead coming to rest on the small table.

"I'll leave it to you, then, old friend, but this will take time to fix – time and effort. I will work on Ranma but I don't want her contacting her mother so things may get dicey. If I lean on Ranma too hard, that's where she'll go. It'd get ugly after that."

"I understand," Soun said voice thick with tears. "I won't let you down, Genma. I promise."

"Goodbye, then, and good luck."

"Yes. May we both have astoundingly good fortune," Soun was able to get out. He hung the handset on its cradle and burst into tears. "Waaaaaaaaa! My daughter is unfit to marry!"

Blurry motion in his tear-filled peripheral vision brought his attention to Akane standing at the foot of the stairs wearing her gi. She had both hands clamped over her mouth. Her face was red and her eyes watering. Anger flared, again. He would find out what is wrong with his daughter and make her into a proper woman if it killed them both. "Dojo! Now!" he barked. She fled back along the hall and turned at the intersection leading toward the dojo.

Soun paused and fought to get his emotions under control. There would be plenty of time for crying later but he vowed he would not be the only one this time. If Akane wanted to inherit the dojo, she would learn the meaning of family honor.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Tendo dojo had never felt so oppressive, or so empty, as when Akane closed the door and padded to the center facing the tokonoma and sat on her heels. The image of her father crying and bowing to the telephone, fervently promising to repair her damaged relationship with Ranma, hit her in the gut harder than anything she'd ever experienced. 'Did I hurt Ranma that bad?' she wondered, fighting down her tears. A cold gnawing knot formed in her core and she knew it to be true.

During the train rides, her father stood over her in a quiet rage. He rarely got angry with any of them but this was like one of those rare times multiplied by a thousand. Whenever she tried to sidle away, his hand fell on her shoulder or grasped an arm. He only left her side when she was in the custody of her sisters when changing trains and then only to chain-smoke like an old steam locomotive. She half-expected to get the spanking of her life when he entered the dojo.

The long, oppressive ride home gave her time, though, to think about what went wrong and she came to some less-than-flattering observations. 'I probably should have taken Ranma up on the swimming lesson and I definitely should not have attacked Asami-san.'

The door to the dojo was roughly slid open. She twisted around and bowed her head to the hardwood floor. "I am sorry, Father. I should have let Ranma try teaching me to swim and not hit Asami-san," she said. "is Ranma mad?"

In answer, the door slid closed with a loud clack. She lifted her head half-way, watching her father approach, but was at a loss when he passed and knelt, instead, to the small shrine and put his own head to the floor. Rather than lecture her, he ignored her and began praying to their ancestors and the dojo begging for their forgiveness and support. Akane's blood ran cold. Akane turned on her knees to face the shrine, herself, and listened in shocked silence while her father prayed.

"I don't _hear_ you, daughter," her father's steely voice startled her.

Akane quickly put her head on the floor and began trying to echo her father while he repeated the same prayers for forgiveness and support. She had no idea it would go on like this for something like half an hour. By then, she had memorized his words and they repeated the litany, together, and her legs were asleep.

Akane suppressed a sigh of relief when her father finally sat up and turned to face her. With some trepidation she adjusted her position to face him and sat up straight as well. Her father's hands balled into fists and he burst into tears. "I, ro, ha, ni, ho, he, to, chi, ri, nu, ru, wo, wa, ka, yo, ta, re, so, tsu, ne, na, ra, mu, u, wi, no, o, ku, ya, ma, ke, fu, ko, e, te, a, sa, ki, yu, me, mi, shi, we, hi, mo, se, su!" he yelled reciting the ancient alphabet poem. Then, he glared at her through tears.

She gaped at him. He glared at her some more. Slowly, Akane began to repeat, "Even the blooming flowers will eventually fade. Even our world is not eternal. The deep mountains of vanity; cross them today and superficial dreams shall no longer delude you."

"Repeat!" he barked, and she did. "Louder!" She repeated it louder. "Again!" She yelled it out, again. "What does the first line mean?" he yelled back.

Uncertainly, she replied, "Everyone gets older." It sounded more like a question when she said it.

"Yes!" her father replied. "Everyone grows old, _if_ we live that long! What does the second line mean?"

Taken aback by his vehemence, she paraphrased saying, "Nothing is forever."

"That's right! Nothing _is_ forever. That includes an engagement!" he yelled bursting into tears. "What does the third line mean?" he choked out, pulling a handkerchief from his sleeve.

Akane's eyes burned as the enormity of her problems with Ranma began to unfold. She swallowed against the bile building in her throat but could not interpret the last line. It was too complicated, too abstract, and too threatening for her current state of mind. She shook her head in failure.

Her father yelled, "You figure it out. No school, no television, no telephone, no visitors, you're grounded! Except for meals and the bathroom, you'll live in this dojo until you understand what that means!"

Her mouth went dry and that cold knot in her stomach returned with a vengeance. "I'm sorry!" she cried. Tears trailed down her cheeks and her nose ran filling with mucus she was forced to gulp. "What… what happened with Ranma?" she sobbed.

An answer was a long time in coming while the family head cried like she'd never heard him before. A tiny corner of Akane's mind suggested he may have cried like this when her mother died but she hardly remembered much from that far back. Finally, her father calmed enough to explain. "Ranma-kun was nice to you all day. He's really been trying hard to please you and you hurt him badly this time."

Akane had to agree. Ranma _was_ being exceptionally compliant. She nodded in agreement even if it felt like the other shoe was waiting to drop. Her father went on to say, "When I caught up with you and your sister on the beach, you were being more friendly with those older men than I've ever seen you with Ranma-kun or any other boy. Why is that?"

"I- we were just playing volleyball," she gasped. The question caught her off guard.

"You _played_ with them! You _laughed_ at their teasing. You enjoyed their attention; the older one most of all. He could have been _thirty_ and you let him touch you!"

"We were just having fun playing!" she protested, realizing it was looking bad for her.

"You never let Ranma-kun handle you like that without a protest. He's your fiancé. I was shocked you let that older beach bum, that _pedophile_ touch you. You _enjoyed_ his attention. He was seriously older than the one Nabiki had her eye on! Do you care that little about Ranma-kun that you'd rather hurt him by flirting with an older man?"

"It wasn't like that at _all!"_ she pleaded.

"Yes, it was. I suggest you meditate on your own feelings and your own actions in the days to come. I need to know if you love Ranma because, if you don't, our family will be forced to make reparations to the Saotome family and I'll have to find you someone more suitable. I _already_ have my hands full with your older sisters. We owe the Saotome family a lot – a lot more than you think – and today, Ranma-chan helped Kasumi finally catch Ono-kun." He huffed and crossed his arms looking over her shoulder toward the house. "I don't think you appreciate the relationship between our families or how much of a burden rides on Ranma-kun's shoulders." His glare returned to her, full force. "I've been hard on the boy and so has Saotome-kun but he's been learning to accommodate your temper and fit into this house. It's about time you took the engagement more seriously. Go take a bath and meditate on the Iroha poem. You're sleeping in the dojo tonight, and every night, until I say so," he declared and stood.

Akane watched him leave, stunned by the punishment's unprecedented severity. After he was gone, closing the door behind, she groaned and shambled to her feet feeling the blood rushing past her knees to send pricks of sharp pain into numb legs. It seemed appropriate for how the rest of her felt.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Daddy's really pissed," Nabiki whispered cagily while standing next to her older sister in the kitchen.

Kasumi nodded but was not there when whatever it was, occurred. Nabiki trailed her to the refrigerator and helped herself to a glass of orange juice after Kasumi pulled out some left-over rice and a wrapped fish from the market. "What happened?" she whispered back and poked a knife into the plastic wrapping so she could work her thumb inside and free the fish from its package.

Nabiki leaned sideways against the counter and sipped her juice before answering, her eyes darting to the kitchen's entrance. "You know how she was a little bitchy and bossy, today? Maybe you don't. You were with Tofu-sensei a lot. Well, Saotome-kun made an astoundingly stupid and generous offer to teach her how to swim. Our sister, the violent maniac and brick in water, turned her down to play volleyball with me. Daddy caught her flirting with the guys on her team. One of them had the hots for her. I'm pretty sure he's older than Tofu-sensei. She liked it too much for Daddy's taste. That's my guess, anyway. He started laying into her when Ranma-chan showed up. You know how little sis gets. She kind of took it out on Ranma."

"Nabiki-chan," her father interrupted startling the juice out of her, "why don't you join Akane in the bath and clean up for the evening. I'd like to talk with you right after supper.

She turned to see him let go of the kitchen's nori and head toward the tea room. "Uh-oh," she said to her sister before moving to obey. It was going to be an interesting evening.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Soun deliberated on what to do with his daughters, specifically with Akane. He sat in the tea room and quietly worked his way through the remainder of his cigarettes. "Tendo-kun," an ancient voice piped up, "you'd better not drop your ashes on any of my pretties," Happosai warned from under the table. Soun guessed his fearsome and deeply unwanted master was meditating in a pile of stolen underwear but reluctantly came to a decision.

"Master," he began and paused for a few moments while Nabiki walked by on her way to the bath. She avoided eye contact and he waited until she passed well away around the corner of the house. Before he could begin again, Kasumi arrived with a tray of tea and exchanged his full ashtray with an empty one. He smiled and nodded his thanks as his oldest retreated to the kitchen.

"What's eating you, boy?" the tiny, bald and evil perverted master asked. Happosai sat adjacent to him at the table and was pouring himself a cup of tea. He wore a serious and contemplative expression that clashed with the pink lacy panties covering his head like a silk stocking cap with large ear holes. The old lecher packed his pipe and lit it with a tiny puff of hot chi.

The two of them brooded in silence until Soun came to a difficult decision; one he could not take back if he made the request. However, with the Tendo school of Indiscriminate Grappling at risk, he could not afford to coddle his heir any longer. A change in the status quo was overdue and would either help join the houses or destroy his hope with merciful swiftness.

Soun drew a long, slow drag, trying not to burn his mouth further than it already was. When he exhaled, Happosai eyed him critically. Soun finally said, "I would like you to train Akane, Master."

To his credit, the legendary menace merely quirked an eyebrow and blew a smoke ring. Soun let it go and took another long pull. "What happened?" the old freak asked around his pipe-stem.

"Akane-chan was being difficult, today," he said after a few moments. "Ranma-chan was behaving exceptionally well. My girl passed every chance she had with Ranma and ended up driving her away."

Happosai's eyebrows climbed to send multiple wrinkles up his forehead. "Ranma-chan left?"

Soun nodded. "Saotome thinks his boy will calm down enough to return but wasn't optimistic about much more than that. He said Ranma hadn't cried so much since he took him away from his mother."

"Nooooo, not my Ranma-chan," Happosai moaned softly.

Soun ignored his master's perverted theatrics and finished his cigarette. "I'm thinking of taking her to a psychologist, too," he said, half to himself.

After some time, Happosai said, "Don't bother with those idiots. They don't know anything." Soun decided right then to find one for his daughter if the Master was against it. He did refrain, however, from telling him that Akane apparently liked older men. That would be courting disaster. The psychologist or psychiatrist, whoever it was, could figure _that_ mess out. "All right," Master said, sounding as if he'd made a decision, "I'll train her."

"She's different from Ranma," Soun warned.

"I know. Don't give yourself a wedgie worrying about it, boy. She has great potential."

Soun's hands trembled while pouring a cup of tea for his master and himself. It was done. Akane was no longer going to be treated as the betrothed of a young Musabetsu Kakuto student but as a student, herself. He sipped his tea wishing it was sake. 'I had potential, too,' he thought of the time before he'd decided to marry and become monogamous.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma sat in the bath, somewhat relieved to be a man once more. That was a state that was not to last long, he knew, because the neighbors and landlady would be nosy: they always were even when being discrete about it. Kyouya's apartment was different than the Tendo house in that he could hear the sounds from people all around him and they were unfamiliar. None of those sounds were from Kyouya, however.

Yamachu and the rest had dropped Ranma off at the Green Hills apartments, with Chiaki letting her into 205 because she'd forgotten her key with its cat-faced fob, and disappeared with Kyouya saying he'd be fixed up in no time at all. Remarkably, the ride home had been very short outside of the stopover at their company office. The truck had spent more time at stops to, for example, drop off her father, than actually moving. "I guess the highway _is_ faster if there's a lucky break in traffic," he muttered.

Perversely, he was incredibly relieved to be staying with Kyouya. The last thing he wanted _anyone_ to know about was the small, triangular patch of pubic hair. That patch was all that remained to declare he was an adult. Everything else from his arm pits to his toes had been shaved off and there was no way he'd let his father or anyone see him now.

He sat in the tiny, but hot, bath stewing like that for another fifteen or twenty minutes before finally getting out. After drying with the second of the pair of towels she'd purchased and only yesterday morning, he found himself starring in the mirror at his swollen and red eyes. 'That is _so_ not me,' he complained sadly and wrapped his loose, freshly shampooed hair in the hand towel hanging beside the sink.

Alone in the apartment, in the solitude of the small changing room, Ranma had time to think about his gender. He knew his regular clothes, the tangs she wore here yesterday morning, were in the tiny washing machine on the veranda along with some of Kyouya's things and the towel she'd used previously. Inside his pack were the sundress Akane picked out, sandles, and some spare women's underwear. Laid on the counter were _his_ clothes that _he_ wore that very morning to the beach and pulled on over her bikini before arriving here. Ranma had a choice – several of them, in fact.

He stared at his reflection then stared at his clothes. The bikini set laying next to them was out, that was for sure. Even without tying it tight enough to swim in, the strings would still overlap the same sore areas. 'I could just stay a guy and hide if anyone comes snooping for me,' he considered. 'Or I could say I'm Ranma's brother.'

Both of those options seemed like more work than he was up for. 'I'm going to be staying here at least for tomorrow.' Appearing as a younger man staying with Kyouya, or even being seen hanging around him, was an unpleasant image. Ranma was absolutely sure that defending himself against comments, whispers, and looks accusing him of being a homosexual was something he did not have the mental energy for after today's problems.

Half-decided, he lifted his pack from the floor and pulled out its inventory, sorting it as he went. The largest item was the white sundress with lilac prints. He frowned at it. 'Stupid violent tomboy.' Akane picked it out for her when they were shopping, yesterday. He felt like wadding it up and tossing it into the waste basket but it was nice and Akane would kill him if she found out. 'The dress ain't the problem,' he thought. 'No sense taking it out on my clothes.'

Ranma held it up by its shoulders letting it unfold before him. It seemed so much smaller when he was a guy. A surge of something wholly feminine nearly buckled his knees. His arms drooped revealing his startled face in the mirror over the dress' unbuttoned back. 'This is what Akane wants,' he thought with rising ire. "Che!" The whispered curse sounded loud in the small room. His face hardened in the mirror. 'If that's what she wants…'

He tossed the sundress lightly over his other clothes beside the sink and turned the faucet on long enough to change into the woman that dress actually fit. Her expression, however, did _not_ change. She shook the water from her hand and wiped the remainder off on the bath towel. Now, the tiny triangle of pubic hair looked more appropriate even if it still made her uncomfortable thinking about the extent of her transformation. 'That's what underwear is for,' she chided herself trying not to think about what type of underwear.

Akane made him pack a full set of female underclothes, "Just in case," she'd said. Now, Ranma tried _not_ to look in the mirror. Panties and slip were easy but she struggled briefly with the new brassiere, still unused to the concept despite her occasional forays into the other side of humanity. After the straps were properly adjusted, she wouldn't have to mess with them again, at least not very often. The bluish-purple-print white sundress went over her head and she felt behind her neck to fasten the buttons. Ranma pulled the towel from her loose hair and borrowed Kyouya's comb giving it a quick run-through so it would dry without tangles or looking ratty.

In the mirror was not the Saotome Ranma she knew. Someone else stood there scowling back at her. That person was a girl who looked like a shorter, younger version of her mother and that girl looked pissed. Ranma took a deep breath to calm herself. Being a bitch was Akane's thing. She gathered up all of her stuff in one arm along with her pack and paused to listen before opening the door letting the warm humid bath air spill out into the hall.

The apartment was growing darker as the sun closed on the horizon. 'Everyone else should be getting home pretty soon,' she thought to herself. Ranma estimated how long it would take for the train rides back and was glad she did not have to tag along miserably in Akane's company for the extra hour or more it would take them.

She turned on the hall light and made her way into the efficiency's single room. Above the kitchenette's small sink was another fluorescent lamp she turned on as well but the small room was still gloomier than she wanted. Ranma shoved the curtains to the veranda aside letting more light in and revealing dull buildings across the street. The tiny, well used washing machine beckoned.

Noise of distant and nearby traffic, muted by the sliding glass door, broke through her dark thoughts the moment she opened it but the air outside brought a calm Ranma suddenly realized she'd been lacking. It wasn't fresh like the countryside he and his father spent so much time crossing but it still felt like freedom.

The clothes and towel in the wash smelled like they'd had _too much_ freedom. She added the rest of her dirty things from today and restarted it already thinking about setting the rice to cook in the cheap electric hotpot she'd purchased.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Instead of opening her shop for the evening, Ukyou reluctantly elected to give Konatsu the night off after he finished cleaning her travelling stand, the rest of the equipment, and mop the floor in her restaurant. She had homework to do. Her regular customers knew that catching her open on Sunday nights was iffy. It wasn't a high-traffic night, anyway, and school often interfered with business.

She had a lot of things on her mind to keep it preoccupied: boy-Ranma, girl-Ranma, Elder Cologne's comment about curse bleed-over, Asami Kyouya, the Tendo family, even Ranma's comment about paying Konatsu more. There were just too many problems and, as usual, they all revolved around her fiancée. Her entire life was Ranma-related. He even shared her love for okonomiyaki. 'Maybe not as much as I do but it's not like he'd ever turn one down,' she qualified.

'So if we got so much in common, why aren't we married?' she wondered. The question had plagued her before. It wasn't a new thought by any stretch of the imagination but the answer continued to elude her. Today, a new obstacle appeared and it was panda-sized. 'What the hell did that stupid panda mean, saying Ran-chan an' I're not compatible?'

Ukyou wrote that comment, as best as her memory allowed, onto the margin of her notebook. She'd transcribe it later into her secret diary – the one her father said was a girly waste of time. 'He's such a jackass,' she thought of him. Her father had no trouble at all with notebooks to capture the results of cooking experiments and customer feedback and statistics but writing about herself or a boy she just happened to be engaged to (and wanted to kill for most of a decade) was a waste of time.

She lay, propped on her elbows, on the floor of the small loft over her restaurant with her school books, notes and homework scattered around her just waiting to be used. The focus of her attention was on Ranma, though, as it often was. 'He said his nose knows,' she scratched out. There was something there. 'His nose… He's a panda. Is there something about a panda nose?'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Nabiki," her father called, "would you please join me for a cup of tea?"

After taking her bath with a red-eyed and angrily-frustrated little sister-monster, Nabiki retreated to her room to change into her pajamas and prepare for the confrontation her father was sure to make regarding Asada Mitsuaki. She copied him into her address book in case her father wanted to take away the slip of paper she'd left the beach with before heading back down stairs.

"Hi, Daddy. What's up?" she asked with a disarming smile kneeling on the opposite side of the table from Happosai.

Fortune smiled upon her when the wrinkled gnome grinned and said, "I think it's time for my bath. These old bones could use a little warmth." The tiny freak of nature emptied his pipe into the ashtray and hurried out the shoji to follow the engawa around the house. Nabiki stifled a wry smile remembering Akane was probably still moping in there.

Her father poured a cup for her holding the pot in one hand and cigarette in the other. 'If smoking wasn't so expensive…' her thoughts trailed off. Nabiki had priorities and cigarettes, along with the dry cleaning, would eat too quickly into her cash. Otherwise, well… she _had_ tried them. She just wasn't sure she could stop once she started. The two of her friends who started couldn't. 'I could buy a name brand purse for what Daddy pays every month. The mini-disk player is first,' she decided. It was cheaper and she would need cash for blank disks, anyway. 'Another set of Ranma-chan and Little Sister to Kuno and I'll have just enough. Shuko-chan can make copies of her music for me.'

"What happened, today, between your sister and Ranma-kun?" her father unexpectedly asked. "Please tell me everything – unbiased."

Nabiki was caught off guard by the unexpected topic but was interrupted by a scream from the bath as Happosai obviously went after Akane. A door slammed open and the sound of running feet preceded her sister streaking by the tea room clutching a towel and headed for the stairs. "Hoccha!" Happosai crowed joyfully when Akane foolishly stopped to launch a spin-kick. The kick failed on all accounts and only encouraged him further. Akane fled with loud complaints about perverts. Nabiki heard her pounding up the stairs.

Her father tearfully withdrew the last cigarette from his pack. "So what happened?"

Over the next several minutes, she recounted what she saw and added her impressions when he asked for them beginning with the ride to the beach and interactions in the change room. Her sister was always a bossy tomboy to some extent but today was definitely more than usual. She told him how surprised she was, herself, when Akane allowed the guys on her team greater liberty than she allowed anyone her own age. Cautiously, she also described the swimsuit issue but soon decided to admit a little fault of her own on that front rather than have him think she was coloring her story. A moment of stillness settled over them after she was done.

"How do you feel about Ranma?" he asked.

Surprised again, her mind worked furiously. "He's all right. I wouldn't want to marry him. Why?"

"It might work out between you. The two of you share a lot of personality traits." Nabiki's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "Despite having different backgrounds and interests, you both tend to react similarly."

"What? No way! I'm nothing _like_ Saotome!" she protested in defense against the unfair and groundless accusation. Her mind chewed on the comment despite her best efforts to stop it.

He stared out into the yard but momentarily glanced at her with lidded eyes. "I have no reservations if you decide to take up the duty from your sister."

Nabiki shook her head derisively. "I have no intention of running a dojo."

"I never expected you to," he answered taking a small drag. "That's what Saotome is for."

Now, she felt offended. "I am _not_ going to be some knucklehead's housewife!"

"I never expected you to," he repeated in the same tone. "Saotome can do that, too."

Exasperated, she slumped and held her hands out on the table. She rolled her eyes and countered with, "I am _not_ interested in girls."

"His curse might be cured but you're right. Akane _is_ a bit interested in girls according to Saotome-kun. Unfortunately, it seems she's also interested in older men."

Nabiki had little to say to refute the statement. The evidence certainly leaned that way. "I'm sure this will all blow over," she said weakly.

"Perhaps," her father allowed taking another pull on his cigarette. There was a ruckus going on upstairs. It seemed Happosai was enjoying Ranma's absence.

Being the middle sister meant Kasumi got the most responsibility and Akane got the most attention but her younger sister was also going to inherit the dojo. That had been like a small splinter in her hand for years. Now, Kasumi looked like she'd finally get together with Doctor Tofu and she'd be set for life. "You're always worried about Akane," she muttered, staring at the table and suddenly feeling bitter.

A large warm hand covered her own and she looked up to see she had her father's full attention. "You girls are all so different…" he trailed off and looked as if he'd start crying again. "You know Kasumi has no other goal than to have her own family and her own house. Now that she's twenty, I was growing worried that I'd need to begin searching for a husband for her if Ono-kun refused her or was too weak to make his intentions clear." Nabiki nodded to him. It made a lot of sense.

"I have _always_ worried about Akane," he said and she felt a stab of heartache in response. "It's because she has so many problems with boys and her temper. Now, it seems like she has problems with Ranma's curse and is attracted to older men. Saotome says that's not true but something's wrong. She needs help and I'm running out of ideas." Nabiki knew her sister was a violent maniac with weird ideas. It still wasn't fair she got all the attention.

"You're the only one I _don't_ worry about," he told her with a sad smile. She was confused. His confidence buoyed her while it sounded like he would continue paying her the least attention. He sat back letting her hand go and stared out into the yard. Akane landed

"Always remember you are a Tendo, daughter. Whatever you like, whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you marry, you are a Tendo. You and Kasumi will each have an inheritance, too, so don't think Akane-chan will get the dojo debt-free," he said, totally shocking her. _"All_ of my daughters are precious to me and I'm sure your mother is as proud of you as I am." Nabiki's chest tightened. She searched for another topic in defense.

"What if Akane doesn't marry Ranma? What then?" she asked. Without Ranma, the dojo wouldn't have nearly as much clout. The Saotome boy could even bring in some higher-paying students or special government grants. Unspoken was her doubt Akane could support a family by herself. She'd need a wealthy or professional husband. 'Father would probably pick someone from a martial arts school. He loves the dojo too much even if he rarely teaches in it.'

Daddy surprised her again. It seemed as if he was all surprises today. "She will be trained," he said, flicking ash into the tray. "That young man you were talking with, today, I want to meet him when you start dating." Nabiki froze. Someone, probably Akane, half-tumbled down the stairs and pelted out the front door screaming, followed by perverted heckling. It was definitely her sister who blurred by the koi pond occasionally brushing off a giant tick repeatedly attaching itself to her front. "An informal meeting is fine. I'm just curious what kind of men interest you." She nodded. If Asada-san was worth dating, he would own up to her old man. "And get his identification number." She nodded again watching in sick fascination as Happosai tripped Akane with his pipe so she belly-flopped into the pond. "Please don't charter any more helicopters!" her father bawled, overcome by emotion.

Kasumi entered the tea room with a large tray containing a bowl of rice, grilled fish, and an assortment of pickles. She set the tray down and walked out onto the engawa. "Akane-chan," she called into the yard, "hurry up and take your bath! It's almost time for supper!" Happosai bounded up and was ready at the table in two seconds, flat.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

In Green Hills apartment 205, Saotome Ranma busied herself guessing how to make snacks and box lunches out of the ingredients she'd purchased over the last couple of days. With no television, school supplies, no Kyouya, almost no money, and the only clothes she could work out in currently hanging to dry on the veranda, the kitchenette was her only refuge from boredom. She certainly did _not_ want to mingle with the neighbors and there was no telling who from school might recognize her if she left the building.

'This would totally suck if I didn't have food,' she thought but there _was_ food. There just wasn't enough of a variety to do much with. At least she remembered to wash the vegetables. The kitchen was like a puzzle to her but one that was solvable. All she needed were kata. "Gah," she quietly exclaimed to herself, "no way am I goin' to be as good as Mom or Kasumi-san. Least my cookin's edible." She sincerely hoped it was since she would be eating it. Ranma figured it was probably important not to put too much salt, or other seasonings, in without tasting it. Forgetting the stuff and letting it burn was bad, too. 'Pop pitched a fit whenever he or I did that,' Ranma remembered. 'We ate it anyway. Not being a violent tomboy is probably a good thing, too.'

Ten minutes later, she ran into an unexpected problem. "Ehh, what am I gonna do with all o' this?" She looked around. "Screw it. I'm making some tea." With tea, she could put the food on the table and occupy herself with eating it. 'When are they coming?' she wondered thinking of Kyouya and his artificial parents. 'Booorrrinngg.' Ranma cleaned the hot pot out, she'd cooked the rice in it, two batches in fact, and filled it with fresh water setting it to boil.

The only thing left in the apartment she hadn't used was the newly installed telephone lying on the floor by the wall plug. The only numbers she knew besides Yuuno Chiaki's were to the Tendo-ke, Nekohanten, and U-chan's. Ranma had no idea what her parents' number was and it bothered her. She found the thick blue zabuton and claimed it sitting down Indian-style at the low table. That motion reminded her she was supposed to at least pretend to be a respectable girl if she had guests and spent the next few minutes practicing sitting, standing, walking, and trite exclamations as if she were a real girl as darkness fell over the city.

A familiar diesel rumble interrupted her impromptu girl-training. Ranma hurried to the veranda and looked down over the rail up and down the street. Stopped at the head of the street was the white delivery truck she'd expected some time ago. She spied Yuuno Chiaki climb down out of the truck's passenger seat and head toward the back. An eager thrill swept through Ranma's body. Now she was glad she had all that food waiting and water ready for tea. She smiled broadly and decided to meet them at the entrance.

Stopping to turn the hotpot to warm, sure it would finish boiling any moment, Ranma slipped on her borrowed purple-thonged sandals and opened the apartment door to stuff a larger black sandal underneath to prop it open. The boredom was over and Kyouya was home. She walked quickly down the hall and took the steps two at a time giving the landlady a happy wave.

Ranma thought for a split second on whether to wait for them by the apartment complex entrance but quickly discarded that idea, quaint and respectful as it was, for just walking out and meeting up with them. Outside, she saw they still had not left the truck so she strode down the street. The side door near the back was open. "Hello," she called up inside.

When no one answered immediately, she lifted a leg and hauled herself up gripping the sides of the opening. She was greeted by a surprised Yuuno Chiaki wearing a tight smile. "Saotome-san, good evening."

Ranma's smile faded seeing Kyouya still sitting in the chair near the head of the truck bed. "Good evening, Yuuno-san. Did you guys get him fixed up?" she asked.

Three pairs of eyes drifted away while Chiaki replied, "The prototype is partially repaired. Headquarters decided it was too expensive to replace all the broken parts. I'm sorry, Saotome-san."

Ranma's breath caught in her throat. "Partly?"

Yamachu Masunori answered clearing his throat. "The beta-site testing was a resounding success. With your help, we identified a number of critical deficiencies and key improvements to make in the next model." Ranma's breathing became shallow and rather rapid. "If it was just the damage, there would be no reason why we could not continue the evaluation with limited contact with others besides yourself. The problem lies in his power supply. Today's activities severely drained its supply."

"He's… dead?" she gasped.

"Not… yet," Yamachu allowed. "It won't be much longer, though."

Her throat constricted and she felt like she was choking. The news was one hell of a kick in the gut. "But-" Ranma's eyes watered and her vision swam. Chiaki was at her side right away to hold her up. "His battery is almost dead? Can't you plug him into the wall, or something?"

Kazeyama Hiroki gently answered, "It doesn't use an electric battery. If… it's any consolation, we realized the Nightly Lover companions would need a greatly increased power capacity. You really did an amazing job; really. You're the star beta-site tester. No other group got even a fraction of the results you did. Most of the women just fucked the juice out of him and would still be at it."

'Him,' Ranma thought with irony through her heartache. Hiroki reminded her there were others with the same Kyouya. She sidled past the four Chronos Heaven employees and approached Kyouya. "His chi still looks like it always has," she countered.

Kazeyama spoke again. "It probably will almost until… you know."

Yuugama Yui coughed into her hand. "We've been keeping it powered-down to preserve its supply."

Ranma remembered what she and Kyouya were doing that afternoon. "I-I killed him. We were swimming. That used up his batteries, didn't it."

"Yes," Yamachu said, "_but_ his power supply was too small to begin with. That was made blindingly obvious over the last couple of days. The usage profile was during requirements capture was woefully inadequate. We all suspected that and you helped prove it beyond any doubt. Some people thought the companion would stay at home and do nothing when it wasn't being used as an orgazmotron."

"Morons, all of them," Yui muttered.

"Well, be that as it may," Masunori rode over Yui's protests, "several very important improvements have been identified and, as Kazeyama-san said, you _were_ the star beta-tester. For instance, the Daily and Nightly modes will be rolled together. You developed an attachment to the prototype _without_ humping it like a mad monkey while most of the others just did the wild thing. The President and Board all agreed more human interaction was needed. Yuugama-san will be very busy helping to develop requirements and software in that area for the other engineers in her field. Kazeyama-san will do the same in his field to improve physical capabilities and develop a new long-range sensor."

Ranma listened with half an ear while she stared at Kyouya's sleeping face. Chiaki opened a folder and withdrew an envelope. "Your pay is inside, Saotome-san. There is a substantial bonus included," she said holding thick beige rectangle so it crossed her vision. Ranma took it and stared at her name printed in neat kanji next to a title stating she was a technical consultant to Kronos Heaven.

Chiaki went on give her another business card. This one, too, had the company name written as Kronos Heaven. Chiaki's title was now Marketing Director, too. "Huh?" she blinked at the changes. Chiaki gave her a tired smile and withdrew an A4 sized sheet of white paper. Ranma stared at it a moment. "That looks like some kid was doodling with colored pencils," she commented. Chiaki winced and the others avoided her gaze.

"Our President decided to change the company name and give it a new symbol for brand recognition. The old name had one too many letters and our symbol wasn't cool anymore," she explained. Ranma rolled her eyes. Chiaki added, "The previous marketing director was not very enthusiastic about it, either. The President fired him on the spot and threw Fruity-Os in his face."

"Weird," Ranma murmured staring at a drawing that belonged on the back of a paper placemat in a family restaurant.

Yui commented, "Not so much as you think."

Ranma shrugged off the cryptic response. Getting back to the real focus of her attention, she asked, "Can I talk to him?"

Masunori answered, "The prototype? I mean, Asami Kyouya? Sure. We were saving its remaining power so you could spend a little more time with it." He nodded to his team to get ready. "If you want, we could set it to Nightly Lover mode so you can do the nasty but it won't last long," he offered.

"What will happen to him?" Ranma asked. She was afraid of the answer but had to know, regardless.

"Recyc-Ow!" Hiroki started to answer when Yui poked him with her mechanical pencil effectively shutting him up.

"He's going to the Land of Misfit Toys," Yui said with a broad smile. Ranma clucked her tongue but held silent.

Taking a deep breath, Ranma asked, "How much longer if we don't… you know?"

Masunori inclined his head toward Hiroki, who was rubbing a sore spot on his arm. Hiroki offered, "A few hours at most. His output is rapidly degrading so he'll probably go into sleep mode within two hours. I'll set him to wake early tomorrow morning so we can pick him up."

Ranma closed her eyes and nodded so she wouldn't have to speak. Chiaki gave her a firm hug and patted her on the back. It helped a little but still felt like she was visiting someone in the hospital who would die by morning. The tears threatened once again and she sniffled.

"The best story we could come up with for his disappearance," Chiaki spoke into her ear, "is that Asami Kyouya suddenly received admittance to University overseas somewhere; maybe Oxford in the UK. He has to leave on a flight in the morning for an interview. His parents will apologize to the landlady. We'd like your help cleaning up the apartment and you can stay there for a while if you wish. Two month's rent is already paid and we doubt any will be refunded because we're leaving so soon after taking it." Chiaki gave her another squeeze. "You'll be broken-hearted, of course, having your relationship ended so abruptly. That way, you don't have to worry about looking like your boyfriend just died."

Ranma wrapped her arms around Chiaki and choked off a sob. The new Marketing Director was right on all accounts. 'Why is it I feel so bad?' Ranma thought fighting an emotional maelstrom. 'He was just a training dummy! I've known him less than a week!' The truth was that Kyouya gave her something no one else ever did, unconditional love and friendship, and it was more painful to give up than she ever imagined.

"Ranma-chan," she heard Kyouya say and quickly pulled free of Chiaki. Kyouya stood from his chair. She stared up into his deep brown eyes framed by an elegant face. "Could you help me home? I would rather carry _you_ but I do not think I will get very far."

Ranma nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of a hand. The others parted for them. She squatted to jump to the street so her skirt billowed full before she landed without turning inside out. She spun to face Kyouya and helped him down. "Thank you, Ranma-chan," he said and slipped an arm around her waist.

Together, they walked up the street and entered the Green Hills apartments followed by his parents, Asami Masunori and Chiaki. Ishihara Keiko the landlady waited inside with a bright smile that dropped the moment she saw Ranma's face and met her eyes. Ranma remembered to bow to her but did not feel like speaking. Instead, she walked upstairs side-by-side with Kyouya leaving the Kronos Heaven staff to explain things.

In the hall a few of the doors were open. One of the women tenants was chatting idly with some guy in a suit. Both had neatly wrapped packages in their hands. Both stopped talking and the woman pushed the man inside his open door the moment they saw her. She didn't want to deal with them right now; none of them. It was more trouble than she could stand at the moment. Kyouya quietly escorted her inside his apartment. "Close the door," she whispered. He did, pulling out the improvised stop.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Inside the Tendo Dojo, Akane felt seriously depressed. Her father just left after another visit and another lecture. One caustic comment stuck in her mind burning it like an accident in chemistry class. "Ranma cares about you enough to be a girl sometimes, if that is what it takes. If you betray his trust and keep hurting him like you did, today, he can easily find someone else to love."

"Iroha," she mumbled to herself starring at the banner on the wall. "Vanity."

Before her lay a sheaf of paper and a few colored pens. Her homework assignment was to write out all of the things about her relationship, about herself, that related to that poem. It was due tomorrow at dawn when her father restarted formal training in her family's style of Indiscriminate Grappling.

During supper, her eldest sister chided, "Akane-chan, if you don't know if you want Ranma-kun or not, then you probably don't."

Nabiki growled, "Don't you dare stick me with him."

Akane was stunned at the possibility of losing Ranma to her sister. Kasumi took the opportunity to ask, "Akane-chan, are you willing to let Ranma-kun and Ranma-chan go?"

Thinking of what got her into this situation, Akane realized she could have been nicer. She was nicer yesterday, maybe not as nice as she could be, but Ranma was nicer, still. Knowing Saotome Ranma, the ego maniac, was a better martial artist _and_ a nicer person than she was humbling.

'He wasn't _always_ that nice, was he? And I used to be nicer, right?' She picked up a pen and started writing her questions. 'At least I know how to do homework,' she thought morosely.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The family apartment where his wife had stayed for so many years was covered in fresh patches that needed painting. Genma was going to do that painting tomorrow after the fresh plaster dried and he got it sanded. His wife and Ranma's mother, Nodoka quietly sipped her tea pretending to fill out a cheap puzzle magazine. She'd been working at it slowly since he finished explaining the incident between their son and the youngest Tendo girl. He could almost see the gears working in her head. She pulled more details out of him than he wanted to admit. 'I forgot how persuasive Nodoka can be,' he thought with a mental sigh. The evidence of her persuasive powers was drying on the walls.

The telephone rang and he lazily moved to answer it, fully expecting either Soun or one of Nodoka's friends. "Hello, this is Saotome."

"Saotome-san, this is Shimeru Baijo. Do you have time to talk?"

Genma glanced askance at his wife who was giving him a puzzled look as if wondering if the call was for her. He made a decision. It was time to call up a contingency plan. He trusted Soun to deal with his daughter and he _would_ if Genma knew that look from the beach. Another fiancé, however, one that Akane-chan would be forced to compete more directly with, might be just the ticket. 'And, if it still doesn't work out between them…' He left that thought hanging. That was what a contingency plan was for. Every house had a back door. Every good battle plan included a path for escape.

He cleared his throat, holding Nodoka's gaze. "Good evening, Shimeru-san. Is this about the Omiai between your daughter and Ranma?" he asked. His wife's eyes widened in excitement over a growing smile.


	8. Tension in the Air

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Tension in the Air – Something in the Water

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Close the door," Ranma whispered after Asami Kyouya, robotic sex toy, let her into his apartment. She stood in the small entrance staring at the fluorescently lit hall with its darkening single room beyond. 'Why does Akane have to… to…" She could not finish that thought. Saotome Genma, her father and family troublemaker, had asked some pointed questions; ones she did not want to consider but knew were important.

Ranma left her purple-thonged sandals at the step and waited to the side while Kyouya relieved her male half's sandal from its duty as a door jamb. The prototype robotic sex freak set on friend-mode let the door swing closed behind him. He was a handsome robot, she considered.

Standing to the side of the small hall, she allowed him to pass into the main room of his apartment. Not more than an hour ago this had been a place of joy and refuge from her inner turmoil when Ranma's nominal fiancée, the front-runner of the three, maybe four, girls who claimed her, had clearly stated there was no attraction between them. Tendo Akane, heir to the Tendo school of Indiscriminate Grappling told her quite frankly that she was not, in any way, attractive.

To a normal boy, this would be a crushing blow. To a gender-changing young woman whose heart had taken refuge in her fiancée from the insecurities of her gender, Akane's words were a devastating blow more painful than anything the young fighter was used to. Saotome Ranma was pragmatic, however. "Kyouya, I made us supper," she said with more life than she felt.

Life was the very focus of her world, at the moment. Asami Kyouya, sex doll and robotic person that he was, had a power supply "life" problem. He would be essentially dead, tomorrow. She pinched her eyes closed before following him into the main room. "I made some water for tea," she offered, lamely.

Still, he graciously accepted. "Thank you, Ranma-chan. I have always wanted to taste your tea."

She found nothing to say to that, nothing at all, and nodded even if he could not see her. Ranma padded after Kyouya into the only room in the flat, only the soft scuffing of slippers disturbing the relative quiet. He sat at the table and stared at, not the frugal and uninspired array of dishes she'd made and set out, but at her. "I can tell you are sad," he said, touching the sensor amulet under his shirt. "Please do not be sad for me. I only want you to be happy. I love you so much and do not wish to leave you but my power supply is running low. I wish the beta-site program would last forever."

Ranma retreated to the kitchenette to gather her wits. "Hot tea, coming right up," she said pouring hot water into a cheap plastic tea pot. The tea itself would be pathetic in comparison to what she'd made when training for the Martial Arts Tea Ceremony. It would taste like tea, nonetheless. Making the tea proved a welcome distraction. She did not, after all, know exactly how to feel about his severely limited time left or how to best use it.

She carried the hot plastic tea pot to the table and knelt, smoothing her skirt under her as she'd seen her mother and the Tendo women do so many times before. If this was going to be Kyouya's last night, she wanted to make it special for both of them. He smiled when she sat next to him at the low table. Kyouya bridged the small gap between them to brush her bangs lightly aside. "You mean everything to me," he said and she knew without a doubt that he meant every word.

Moisture flooded her vision. Kyouya gathered her into his arms. "Akane thinks our engagement is a joke!" she sobbed. "An' now _you're_ gonna die. How'd everythin' get so screwed up?" It would be a few minutes before Ranma could see well enough again to pour their tea.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Good evening, Shimeru-san. Is this about the Omiai between your daughter and Ranma?" he asked, eyeing his wife and her growing smile.

Saotome Genma was gambling. His son and daughter's future was at stake. The Saotome school of Indiscriminate Grappling was at stake as well. There was a very real sense of danger in the air that night. Ranma was spending the night with something, or someone, who was not human and could never help produce heirs. 'I've seen what happens when a man is broken,' he thought, thinking of Tendo Soun. 'I _cannot_ afford my child to become like that – not even for a few months. I _will not_ let my boy become that unhappy!' he thought with an old fighter's determination.

Over the telephone, Shimeru Baijou began the pleasantries. Genma quickly tuned her out letting his worries take most of his attention.

Unfortunately, the tactical situation offered no painless escape. The mannequin would be gone, tomorrow, leaving Ranma with a choice of women who each had failed him, one way or another. 'I thought Akane-chan would be perfect for him,' he considered, more than a bit disheartened. He held the telephone handset out toward his wife. She could set the meeting up leaving him free to puzzle over the real problem.

Nodoka accepted the offer and introduced herself, adding, "My husband wishes for me to discuss an omiai," she said, though it sounded like a question.

He absently nodded to her and wandered over to the table for a cup of tea and the time to analyze the situation. Letting his wife handle the negotiations would keep her happily occupied for some time.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Soun stared blankly out of the open shoji into the yard thinking as hard as he ever had over a decision he'd already made. A shiver of fear travelled up his spine. '_Still_ can't believe I actually asked Master to help train my baby girl.' He hung his head in shame knowing full well what would happen. 'Maybe it won't be so bad for her.'

Happosai, after testing Akane's skill before supper, had disappeared. Soun only hoped that the ancient pervert was out on an innocent, light-hearted panty raid just as he'd normally do. "Perhaps I should put more effort into training her, myself," he mused. "That would limit the time _he_ has to train her."

"Father?" he heard his oldest daughter's voice call.

He turned and gazed up at Kasumi, his most respectable and reliable daughter. Everyone in the area complimented him on the fine young woman she turned out to be. Soon, it would be time for her to leave his house to join the young doctor's family. He would miss her very much but at least she would not be far. "Hmm?"

Kasumi took his questioning hum as an invitation to join him at the table. She knelt, properly as a lady should and deferentially as a daughter should. He marveled once again at her perfected mannerisms. Inside, she was a Tendo, though. His daughter could never hide her true self from him. "What is on your mind, Kasumi-chan?" he asked, though he could guess it was either the Ono boy or his youngest daughter. She only approached him so formally when she was bothered by something.

"I am worried about Akane-chan and Ranma-chan," she said in a hushed voice.

He nodded and looked back outside. "Yes. The situation has become more difficult between them," he agreed. Unintended, his hand went to his mustache. Without a cigarette, he had to fidget with something else.

"If there is anything I can do…" Kasumi suggested.

He spared her an inquisitive look. "So you've made up your mind, then?" She gave him a strained smile and nodded. Together, they decided to stare at the table reminding him again how much of a Tendo Kasumi truly is.

Silence stretched for a few more moments. He sighed and realized there was no way out of the commitments he'd made. "I will be taking more time training Akane but I want you to know that I will do everything I can to make your marriage the very best it can be. Please don't hesitate to remind me if I forget something."

She squirmed in her seat. Soun could easily tell his girl's mind was in turmoil. Suddenly, he realized what might cause her to be so unsettled. "Don't worry about your sisters. They are nearing the age where they can make their own choices, too. Let them make their own way. You aren't their mother. Their problems are _mine_ and theirs, not yours.

"You have to figure out how much of your inheritance you want when you get married," he told her firmly and changing the subject. 'I might as well reassure Kasumi, too. It seems _all_ of my girls are in need of attention.'

Kasumi shot him a surprised glance before regaining her mask of pleasant indifference. It had been at least a year, if not two, since he'd last caught her so off guard. "Father?" she gasped.

He forced himself to let go of the mustache before it could get any more twisted or fall out, entirely. Trying to dodge the delicate and personal explanation, he acted aloof and replied, "Humph. I have three children! How can I give everything to only one?" A little affected heat entered his voice and he crossed his arms. "Don't expect me to just throw all my money at you girls," he warned. "I know how you are with shopping; especially Nabiki. You'll just have to make due with a small gift for your wedding. I don't plan on going to meet your mother any time soon, you know." He shot his oldest girl a disapproving glare, one he hadn't given her since high school when she got a low mark in English. "I can't have you all spending my cigarette money on shoes."

Kasumi put up a shocked expression and covered her mouth. "Oh, my! I hadn't realized cigarettes are so expensive, now. Perhaps you should cut back so you have a little money left for your twilight years, Father." Her hand did not cover the smirk beneath.

Soun was about to argue the point, after all, his tobacco kept him sane in a house full of girls and wild animals, when joyous, dried-up laughter came over the side wall just preceding Happosai. "Hahahahaaaaa! What a haul!"

The old, perverted master bounded through the yard and left his sandals on the engawa. Unfortunately, that was _all_ he left out there. A huge load of magazines and photographs landed on the table and spread out in a wave of glossy perversion. Kasumi's eyes bugged out at his master's latest find. Soun, too, had a hard time looking indifferent at the giant stash of explicit imagery but, after his daughter wisely decided to run upstairs to her room, he realized Happosai seemed to have covered all the bases. There were even magazines for pitching and catching.

He was afraid to ask. Happosai had no trouble answering, anyway. "Tendo, my boy, I'm glad you finally wised up and decide to teach little Akane-chan your family style," he said. The ancient pervert sat on the table and pulled out his pipe. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to touch some of these things," he said, stuffing his pipe, "but, for the sake of my school… Anyway, where is Akane-chan? Is she in the dojo practicing?"

Ignoring his master for a brief moment, which was all he could safely do, Soun slid some of the magazines and plucked out a few of the photographs. They were of Ranma and Akane. The photos of his daughter were benign and mostly of her practicing in the dojo. Those of Ranma-chan were somewhat suggestive. "Where did these come from?" he asked in wonder.

Happosai finished lighting his pipe and spared a glance before blowing a large smoke ring. "That Kuno boy had some. I like him. He has class, if not style."

Soun's mouth hung open. "Some?"

"A lot of the boys in the neighborhood had them, too; even the Gosunkugi kid. That boy's not right, I tell you – looked like he was burning them in a shrine." Happosai shook his head in disgust. "I wanted to hit him with the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion but he already looked weak and I forgot where it was, anyway. Instead, I wrote 'Loser' on his face after knocking him out." Idly, Soun pulled out one interesting magazine from the pile and started leafing through it, still in a daze.

Happosai noticed his interest and the old man's eyes lit with excitement. "I like that one, too. Isn't modern printing technology amazing?"

He nodded absently before realizing, "These aren't… new?"

"Of course not!" Happosai replied. Soun quickly closed the magazine and shoved back away from the table. "Wouldn't have ki on it if it was, would it?" Soun refused to answer that question for fear of actually admitting he understood. Happosai went on to add, "Of course, _some_ of these _are_ new. I needed to make sure all of the subjects were covered and only the best quality textbooks would do."

A cold sweat broke out across Soun's skin despite the still-warm night air. "Textbooks?"

"Ooh, that's _right!_ Thanks for reminding me, boy." Happosai jumped to his feet and pulled out a large handkerchief which he used to gather up and bind the contents of the table with the exception of Akane's photographs and Soun's ashtray.

"Wait! Master, please! I changed my mind!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Above the dining hall in the Nekohanten, Shampoo stood gazing at her reflection in the full-length mirror. The mirror in her room was very old and had a crack that meandered in a quarter-oval from the lower right side and out the middle of the bottom edge. The minor imperfection did not hinder the mirror's performance in the slightest. She could see the rack of clothing that occupied most of a wall in her room. The rack, and clothes on it, would not have looked out of place if she worked in a dry cleaning shop instead of a noodle restaurant. There was a reason for that.

'Clothes are expensive. _Everything_ in Japan is expensive. Good thing those boys are so easy,' she thought with a smirk. Her Great-something Grandmother wasted no time when they arrived in Nerima setting up a network of connections for discounted, if not free, stuff. The old clothes rack was one such item. Cologne made a suggestion, which is a more practical way of calling it an order, that, if Shampoo offered to wear them in the restaurant, the local boys could pitch in and buy her dresses.

Now, she had a rack full of dresses. Granted they were all Eastern Chinese but nobody in Japan really cared. The small, local Chinese community easily agreed to provide discounts and modest amounts of household items, such as the full-length mirror before her, in exchange for keeping their businesses from being harassed by full-blooded Japanese. Cologne played to the immigrants' nationality and Shampoo helped by dressing as if she were one of them.

'Idiotic fools,' she thought with a frown. 'Imperialists on the run or renegade Maoists, it makes no difference to our Strong Women tribes. They can spy on each other and complain about Japanese or Koreans for all I care. Easterners are meddlers at their best.' Shampoo did not want to think about what they were at their worst. There had been many wars with the East in the past three thousand years since their mothers fled east across the desserts and warring steppes to find the spring-fed highlands they called home. There would be another war if the Mountain Peoples of southern Qinghai were not careful. 'The Musk are usually discrete even if they _are_ our mortal enemies but I am worried Beloved's fight with the Crow People will draw too much attention. Things were just calming down, according to the Elders, after the Maoists conquered Tibet. Now, we can no longer shelter with the high mountain peoples living near the edge of the sky.'

'Enough. I am only distracting myself from my task.' She adjusted the collar of her newly obtained jacket and frowned at the mirror. 'I look so ugly,' she thought. Her hair was almost as offensive as everything else about her new clothes. It was pulled back into a severely tight braid. 'I dress like a _boy_ but I could never look so pretty,' she complained. Of course, that was not quite the point. She was supposed to attract Ranma, not a normal woman. Blue slacks, a white men's shirt, blue jacket with tight collar; all of it was offensive enough but her hair made her look like a young version of her old man and the padding around her waist and binding around her chest was humiliating. Cross-dressing as a dainty little Japanese schoolboy was tougher than she expected. 'I am _not_ going to wear a skullcap like Father,' she swore.

She was going to cross-dress just like Kuonji Ukyou. 'Elder Cologne, told me capturing my husband is my responsibility alone and that I have to figure out how to do it. I can sort of see her point but I wish she'd give me just a hint,' Shampoo complained to herself. She scowled at her image. 'When I told her of my plan to imitate the pancake chef, she said Mouse would be joining me but I don't need his help.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genma noted when his wife, Nodoka, bowed to the telephone one last time and gently set the handset back on its cradle. "This is only a feint to pressure Akane-chan into chasing Ranma more aggressively," he said, hoping to temper his wife's obvious enthusiasm.

"Dear, you know I like Akane-chan and I think Ranma does, too," she said taking her notepad from the telephone's desk and joining him at the table in their cozy, two-room apartment. He noted she sat next to him despite there being three other sides of the table. Nodoka settled herself so her leg and shoulder were touching. He started feeling warm. She gave every indication they would be sleeping together. It was a highly effective tactical distraction. "I think your idea is wonderful and I'm _sure_ Akane-chan will want to get married as soon as possible after Ranma goes to his Omiai."

Genma slipped his left arm around her waist as his wife enthusiastically began to explain the arrangements. "The Shimeru family, they _do_ seem very nice, will send a limousine next Saturday right after Ranma gets home from school. He'll be staying here with us, right?" she asked, though he knew it wasn't a question. He nodded and she continued. "We'll take the limo to the Old Otani Hotel where they have a tea house and garden reserved for the event. They also have a rooms reserved that we can spend the night in; Ranma even gets his own. I can hardly believe they have that much money but it's their daughter so I understand. Anyway, the tea house is supposed to have two small wings so each family can confer in private across the garden. They promised to have clothes rented for Ranma to wear and someone will be there to help him get dressed up. If the weather is nice, Shimeru Baimei-chan and Ranma can even stroll in the garden! Shimeru Baijo-san said it wasn't a large garden so they couldn't go far but it's very nice and they'll decorate it with lanterns in the evening."

Genma slowly began rubbing his hand up and down his wife's waist while he pretended to pay attention to her excited explanation despite its meandering focus. He noticed her speech was becoming less formal as she went. A startling thought struck him. It felt like déjà vu. 'Is that how Ranma might be if he were a woman? Even if he stays a man and we find a cure…'

Nodoka's sentences were coming a little slower with the distraction he was providing. "I can't believe their family changes gender just like our little Ranma. That's so perfect! If things don't work out with the Tendo family, that would be sad but this could be a wonderful opportunity. Baijo asked if Ranma preferred western dress or traditional. I really didn't know-"

Finally losing the battle with his sex drive, Genma pulled his wife into his lap. She gave a little squeal but there was no protest. He cupped her chin in his hand and gazed deeply into her liquid blue eyes. "Listening to you reminds me of how much of you is inside our child," he said with a roguish smile.

Nodoka's smile faltered, replaced by anxiety. "Do… you really think so? I didn't think… You and Ranma were away so long," she trailed off before finding the right words. "I knew he'd grow up manly just like you. Even though he has that curse… Can you really tell I'm his mother?"

"Absolutely," Genma replied. "He's growing up into an awesome martial artist, just like me, but sometimes he'd say something and I knew he had some of your personality. And, of course, he got a lot of your good looks. The girls can't leave him alone." he said, still hoping it would be a little longer before his wife drew the dotted line to the daughter they both shared. That led to a kiss and the kiss led to other things. The night belonged to them alone for the first time in more than a decade.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Within room 205 of the Green Hills apartments Saotome Ranma cleaned up the remainders of the vast meal she had made earlier that evening. It was supposed to be a welcoming party of sorts to be shared between herself and her boyfriend, Asami Kyouya. She supposed they would have had to share it with the landlady and the other residents but there had been a change in plans. Kyouya was leaving in the morning and never coming back.

The party was off before it could even begin. She didn't know if they were still talking but Yuuno Chiaki and Yamachu Masunori, pretending to be Asami Kyouya's parents, had taken it upon themselves to explain Kyouya's imminent departure and beg forgiveness for having to pull him out. That raised an interesting question. "Kyouya, how long was your apartment's lease for? Won't Ishihara want all the money for the contract?" she asked while doing the dishes in lukewarm water.

Kyouya answered from the table. She had ordered him not to get up or move unnecessarily to conserve battery power, even if he didn't use batteries. "The lease states that the term is variable and will last no less than three months. I do not know who negotiated the lease."

Ranma nodded. "Yuuno-san said they'd already paid for two months rent," she commented back. She did not understand how unconventional such a short-term setup was. After all, renting an apartment in Tokyo was different from begging for a little floor space and the use of facilities in exchange for labor.

A knock at the door preceded Chiaki's muted call. "Kyouya-chan, Ranma-chan, may we come in?"

"Stay there," Ranma told Kyouya. She put down the plate she'd been drying and wiped her hands dry on the damp towel on the way to the entrance. She slipped out of her slippers leaving them on the step before opening the apartment door.

"Ranma-chan!" Chiaki enthused and pulled her into a hug. "We know this must be hard on you with our little Kyouya leaving so suddenly but his admission to Oxford in England was so sudden!" Behind her, Ranma could see Yamachu Masunori waiting patiently while his "wife" had her emotional outburst.

Taking the hint and guessing this was a show for the other tenants, Ranma broke the hug and bowed to the pretend couple. "Asami-san, welcome! I was just cleaning up the kitchen. Won't you two please come in? Kyouya-kun is relaxing after supper. I'll make some tea while you talk." It sounded forced and as artificial as her boyfriend but, in retrospect, that was probably okay if she was being dumped so he could go to school overseas.

She led the adults inside. While the door was open, she made a fuss about letting Chiaki use her slippers to help entertain the eavesdroppers. Masunori finally got into the act with his own monologue. "I _am_ sorry, Saotome-kun, but we cannot stay for very long. We still have to make travel arrangements for ourselves. We just decided to accompany our son to England to see this school. I'm sure my son would like to take you with us but you two have only known each other a short time. I hope you'll understand."

Ranma's heart dropped through her stomach. She knew the whole thing was a lie but it still felt like she'd been sucker-punched. "Uh, yeah, I understand," she answered weakly. 'Damn, this sucks.'

She trailed barefoot after the parents, as was her duty as girlfriend and doubly her position as housekeeper and soon to be ex-girlfriend. The Asami "family" greeted one another somewhat more boisterously. Ranma decided she might as well make some tea for them. She could use some, herself, and it would lend more credence to the little play they were putting on.

The men got busy chatting at the table about the school with Masunori reading off details from a curious little device that looked like a small, rectangular tray with a glass front and brass edges. She turned back to the kitchenette and filled the hot pot with water from the sink before plugging it in.

Chiaki quietly joined her at the sink and said in a soft voice, "We came up to let you know how much we appreciate your help with the prototype."

Ranma's head jerked around in surprise. "Th-thanks, I guess." She wasn't very good with words, after all. She _did_ offer a genuine bow, although she forgot she was pretending to be a girl at the moment and bowed like a guy.

"We also wanted to say goodbye. Neither of us will be with the retrieval team when they come for Kyouya tomorrow morning at ten after six."

"Really? Oh, well, I can't say it ain't been weird," Ranma quietly answered giving Chiaki a tired smile.

"Same here," Chiaki replied with a smirk. More seriously, she explained, "The same white truck you are used to seeing will come for Kyouya but you will have to walk him to the end of the street where we parked a little while ago. Kazeyama-san said the prototype may appear sluggish and lethargic in the last stages of operation. Try and make it look as if you are helping a sleepy boyfriend catch his ride to the airport in time." Ranma nodded in agreement with the plan. Carrying Kyouya outright would look a bit odd, even if this _was_ the odd area of Nerima.

Chiaki changed topics explaining, "Ishihara-san is a formidable negotiator and she was quite angry with us. I suspect she took a liking to you." Chiaki sighed and rubbed the small of Ranma's back. "I rather enjoyed our time together, too. It isn't often someone like me can witness the brain trust I work with being completely baffled by teenagers. Even Yuugama-san does not fully appreciate your emotional commitment in this trial. She's a little bit too egg-headed, if you know what I mean."

Ranma smirked. She did know what Chiaki meant but Kazeyama was way worse. "Say, did you guys get any money back from the landlady?" she asked, more out of morbid curiosity although she was pretty sure it was a dumb question.

Shaking her head, Chiaki spared a sidelong glance toward the table where Kyouya and Masunori were engaged in an artificial conversation. "Yamachu-bucho negotiated away an extra month's rent out of our company."

Ranma's mind worked through the sentence twice before she got Chiaki's meaning. "Oh, that figures," she murmured.

Chiaki gave her a thin-lipped smile. "It was going to be a tough sell getting out of the lease but he folded almost right away. It was all I could do to avoid additional penalties." Considering how scary and nosy the old landlady was, Ranma had no trouble connecting "additional penalties" to Nabiki's way of draining her of every yen she had.

"Well," Ranma said, listening as the hot pot noisily warmed its water, "I'll get Kyouya's suitcase packed for tomorrow. He's got a lot of stuff, now. Will someone come pick it all up?"

Chiaki shook her head. "Keep it," she said. "It's not worth the cost of transport." Ranma boggled at that. There were a lot of brand new things.

"Then, why did I need to buy them?"

"All of the prototypes had a stipend for basic necessities. I don't think we'll do that with the production model. Yours spent _all_ of its time out of the bedroom. It was too costly. Besides," she added, "your prototype should have lasted for at least a month, possibly two."

"Swimming did that?" she gasped in disbelief.

"No, not just the swimming, from what I understand, the initial usage model predicted the prototypes would be left in sleep mode most of the day and would only be active for a couple of hours each night. The damage your prototype sustained consumed a lot of energy to repair using its semi-automated systems. It wasn't built with anything but bedroom sports in mind. Even carrying the shopping bags, yesterday, took a few days off, if I remember Kazeyama correctly." Ranma pouted. Chiaki chuckled back at her. "The next version will be much more capable. Kazeyama-san is already geeking-out over improvements he wants to make and I have challenged Yuugama-san to make the figures much more human-like in their interaction."

Ranma was not at all sure what to make of that. The entire discussion was starting to remind her of math class when he traditionally took his mid-morning nap. Instead, she pulled out the little plastic cups for tea and set them on the matching plastic tray. It was almost a kid's set but it would work and what could be expected from the Hundred Yen Store?

She and Chiaki approached the table. Ranma insisted upon carrying everything because she could and it helped keep up appearances. 'Never know when some pervert is going to drill a hole through the wall.' Ranma sat opposite Masunori and adjacent to Kyouya and Chiaki.

The table lapsed into silence while Ranma dusted off her brain cells to make tea as politely and formally as she knew how given plastic equipment and an electric hot pot. "You look more beautiful each time I see you, Ranma-chan," Kyouya announced.

Ranma flushed and attempted to side-step the topic. "You're goin' t' have to teach me how to say stuff like that before you leave, Kyouya."

"I will do my best," he answered. The two Kronos Heaven employees watched Ranma with a critical eye making her feel like a bug in a glass jar.

Chiaki accepted the first cup of tea. "Thank you, Satome-san." She blew on it and slurped a small sip to cool it. "This is very good. What kind is it?"

Ranma finished serving Masunori and answered, "It's a mountain white from Taiwan. I got a little in case we had to entertain the landlady."

"You should save a bit, then," Chiaki answered with dancing eyes. "Because we had to pay for three month's rent along with the duties to the landlady and rental agency, we obtained permission for you to use the apartment in Kyouya's place for the next two months. That should also give you plenty of time to clean it out so Ishihara-san can show it to other potential renters."

Ranma paused in delivering a cup to Kyouya. She slowly pushed the tea cup toward her artificial boyfriend. He caught her hand and kissed it causing all kinds of distraction. Gulping, she asked, "Why? I mean, I figured she'd just take the money an' kick everyone out at dawn."

"I told you," Chiaki said with a smile, "she _likes_ you."

"But-"

"We know you were acting to win her support in the best interest of the prototype's evaluation," Chiaki said, waving off Ranma's protest. _"She_ thinks of you as a very polite and _considerate_ young lady. She did mention your rough, tomboyish language, but she was quite upset by our unwillingness to send you to school along with our son."

Masunori added, "Ishihara insisted she understood your heart and said you were in love." Chiaki shot him a glare and Ranma added hers. Masunori shut his mouth.

Sighing, Ranma mixed and poured her own cup. "I don't even know how t' tell," she mumbled, yet knew Kyouya was important, even while she knew he was a robot she'd known only very briefly.

Yamachu Masunori went rigid in his seat and pulled out his magic rectangle. "Oooh! That's _it!_ When the figure hears a true confession, it goes into some kind of love overdrive mode!" Chiaki and Ranma shook their heads in exasperation and tried to ignore the relationship genius. The mission to ignore him took new meaning when he mumbled, "Mad, wild humping is sure to follow. Need special attachments."

Without a second thought, Ranma casually got up from the table and walked around it. "Idiot!" she shouted down at him, fists clenched in anger. He looked up, startled out of his work, and she punched him in the eye; not hard, but hard enough to make him drop his magic rectangle and leave a mark for later. It was all part of the act, after all.

Chiaki said nothing when Ranma walked behind and took her place back at the table. After Ranma settled herself and smoothed the skirt of her dress, the marketing director said in a cool tone of voice, "Until you understand the heart of a woman, please watch what you say around one."

Ranma was startled by the comment but decided to put it off for the meantime. "More tea?" she offered to Chiaki.

Not much later, a more upbeat Chiaki and more downbeat Masunori left the apartment complex, escorted by Ranma-chan, walking by the stone-faced landlady. Ranma said her goodbyes to the pair of Kronos Heaven co-workers and headed back upstairs giving a brief bow to the landlady. "I will do my best to help clean up the apartment, Ishihara-landlady," she promised.

"Are you spending the night, dear?" the elderly woman asked.

Ranma nodded, afraid to speak. Tonight, and tomorrow morning, would be the last time they would spend together. She intended to make the most of it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She sat in the middle of the dojo glaring at her homework. Tendo Akane preferred multiple choice but her father's "figure it out by morning or else" threat continued to drive her thoughts into a frenzy. 'Why do I have to be in trouble?' she thought, bitterly. Of course, she knew why. It was because she'd let Ranma down and hurt her feelings. 'He always does that to me. Why do I have to get punished so much more than Ranma?'

'I, ro, ha, the basics, the fundamentals and pride; am I too proud?' she wondered. 'Ranma is the most egotistical person on the planet and _I'm_ too proud?' Her thoughts drifted back to the beach. 'I suppose I should have let Ranma change suits with me. She's going to have a hard time getting Nabiki to part with the one-piece." Akane sighed. Her biggest problem was still her temper.

She ducked her head at a sudden image of Asami Kyouya laying crumpled and broken in the sand. 'I'm glad he's not a normal guy. I don't want to go to jail,' she thought. Now that the adrenaline was leaving her system, Akane could more objectively review the day's events. 'Maybe I overreacted,' she allowed.

The dojo's door suddenly slammed open, startling her. "Akane-chan!" Happosai yelled leaping for her. Akane tried to dodge but she was caught sitting down. The much feared Master of Indiscriminate Grappling latched onto her chest and bowled her over. "That's my girl!" his muffled voice came from her chest. She tried to push him off and get away but ended up scooting across the dojo on her bottom.

Akane's head hit the side wall leaving her dazed. Before she could speak, he gave her a last pinch to a nipple and jumped backwards. "Ah. You don't know how good that feels, my dear."

"Akane!" her father called from the entrance. He looked as panicked as she felt. "Master, please," he begged bowing his head to the floor.

"No need to worry, my boy. I promised I'd teach her and I keep most of my promises some of the time," Happosai assured him. Akane stared at her father in shock.

"I-I changed my mind, Master!" he cried, literally. "Please don't train my little girl!"

Happosai sighed in disappointment. The old pervert replied, "Does that mean you'll start teaching her your school, boy?"

Akane was confused. Wasn't her father _already_ doing that? Was she so bad at it even Happosai didn't recognize it? "Daddy already taught me a lot."

The three of them stared at each other a moment before her father scrambled inside. "Look, Master! Panties!" he yelled, pointing over Happosai's head.

"Where?" the old man gasped, turning to look behind. Her father pounced impressively on the wizened pervert but ended up getting a pipe bowl to the forehead stopping him cold. Master Happosai glared at him. That was all it took to drop her father into a sniveling, penitent bow.

"Please, Master. I changed my mind. Don't train my daughter! I'm sorry!"

"I should take away your license!" Happosai growled. "How dare you not teach your school to your own children?"

"What?" Akane yelled. The adults ignored her.

Happosai went on to ask, looking very put out, "Your own master work and your girls don't even know about it; I thought they didn't want to learn it."

Her father kept his head to the floor. She broke into the conversation asking, "What school? I thought what you were teaching me was the Tendo school of Indiscriminate Grappling! Daddy, how could you?"

Sound lifted his head and met her eyes with tears running down his cheeks. "But you're my precious little girls! I _can't_ teach you that! Your mother made me _seal_ those techniques."

"Teach me what, Daddy?" she snarled. She was losing patience with him.

Happosai walked over and put his bundle down in front of her. "Why, the other half of Musabetsu Kakutou, of course." Her blank look betrayed her thoughts. He unwrapped the bundle. "Here's your assignment for tonight. Read all of these and pick out which ones really do it for you."

Akane's eyes were drawn to the stack of magazines gathered neatly in a large square of cloth. On top was a pile of photographs containing Ranma in his two forms. Hesitantly, she picked them up. In almost every picture, Ranma was vibrantly alive as if he, or she, were the center of the universe.

"Not those, Akane-chan. Those are for later," Happosai said and snatched the stack from her hands. "Check _these_ out."

Her eyes were drawn to the images on the front cover of the topmost magazine. "Kancho, Kancho Princess?" she murmured in confusion. On it was a big, smiling man winking at the camera. He was naked from the waist up and she supposed he was equally naked below even if the picture did not go down quite far enough. His hands were clasped together with index fingers out and the rest curled in making them look like a pistol. The rest of the cover had a variety of other, almost explicitly naked men. She grabbed a clump of pages and turned to near the middle. "Oh, my!"

"And that's not all, Student!" Happosai said with an excited grin. "Check out _these_ babies!" He kicked the pile over and she saw nothing but flesh. His gnarled little hands quickly picked out another. The cover was titled, "Lilly Bloomer," emblazoned over two women wearing gym clothes engaged in an act of face-sucking like Akane had only dreamed of.

Her face heated staring at the magazines. She wasn't even aware of taking the yuri title, not that she'd let go of the yaoi title, either. "Come here, boy!" Happosai called to her father. She tuned the old pervert out.

"Nooo! Akane, don't look at them! You aren't old enough!" her father pleaded and attempted to pull the new textbooks from her hands but Happosai slapped him with a rolled up "Buster!" magazine.

"Take this back to the house, boy," Master Happosai ordered.

Still holding the two magazines, her eyes wandered over the rest of the pile. It seemed that every conceivable perversion known to human kind was represented within that stack. It was disgusting. It was perverted. It was absolutely the most revolting pile of degenerate filth she'd ever laid eyes on. 'And _this_ is Daddy's school of Indiscriminate Grappling?' she wondered. 'Daddy, how _could_ you?'

Akane put each of the two magazines she held to opposite sides of where she sat and began making an inventory of the various types of perversion. There were more magazines featuring women, than men. 'That's Happosai for you.' After sorting her textbooks and arraying them neatly around the dojo, she took the stack of Ranma pictures and separated them by gender. However, Master was right: she would have to wait until later to focus on them. "I certainly have my work cut out for me, don't I?" she muttered to herself.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Shimeru Baimei was excited, to say the least. The Shimeru were an odd, secretive clan within Japan. Upon puberty, an unexplained gender reversal occurred and the girls found themselves turning into men when under stress. The reverse happened to the boys. As puberty passed, they all gained some measure of control but sexual excitement inevitably changed their gender. That was how they came to be inbred, in her opinion. The clan was large, very large, but girls like Baimei always ended up marrying clan women who grew up as boys. It helped prevent social problems but the core issue would not go away. Her insistence that the Shimeru clan put more effort into integrating with the rest of humanity, the normal ones, could potentially pay off much better than she expected. She hoped this Saotome Ranma person was normal outside of the bizarre and felicitous curse and not some even more inbred Shimeru branch.

'Home alone and it's only eight o'clock on a Sunday night.' In her hands were photographs, taken surreptitiously by her grandmother, of a group of people in the Mushi department store. She ignored the bug-themed decorations scattered around and ignored the occasional inclusion of store staff. Her eyes were focused upon the boy wearing black and green with his hair down to his shoulder blades. Next to him was a tall, bishonen man who was, according to her mother, the main, male rival. There was also a wicked-looking, pinch-faced girl next to him that was her main female rival.

The two rivals were also present in most of the other pictures. Her prospective fiancée was featured more prominently in the other three photographs. In the first, she wore a dorky-looking girl's uniform from some low-class high school that Baimei was immediately glad was not her alma mater. 'It looks pretty good on her. I'll bet _anything_ looks good on her,' Baimei thought, slightly envious.

Shimeru Baimei was a tall, lanky young woman. At one hundred seventy-three centimeters, Baimei stood as tall as most of the boys in her class but it would never let her be a super-model because her chest was barely a B-cup. In other words, she was a typical flat-chested Japanese woman who happened to be overly-tall and built like a stick. Her father, Nikorin, the woman who actually gave birth to her and her brothers, was unreasonably tall at a little over a hundred and eighty-five centimeters. While her mother was just slightly taller than average, male or female, the genes from her father's side ended up giving her the stretch. Her brothers towered over some of the Shimeru, even when they were women. It was strange seeing each of them in their wedding dresses married to slightly shorter men.

'Will Saotome-san mind if I'm _that_ tall?' she wondered staring at the little redhead in her Furinkan High School uniform. At her own middle and high schools, she'd often been singled out for being so tall. Everyone figured her for an athlete and, even though her Shimeru genes gave her an enormous boost, she never really liked sports; especially when everyone assumed she was a jock. As a man, he stood at one hundred eighty-one centimeters. Whenever anyone saw her male side, he or she automatically assumed Baimei was on the basketball or some other sports team. When she'd started becoming attracted to girls in middle school, some were clearly intimidated by him. That didn't sit well with Baimei. 'That's ancient history,' she thought, pushing school trauma aside. 'This is now.'

The next pictures showed the same redhead wearing her black and green boy's clothes, a very pretty white and bluish-purple splotched sundress, and a tiny string bikini. That last one, even partially obscured by the downer bow-cut girl, caused her to change forms just looking at her. "Wow!" Baimei breathed and adjusted himself inside his underwear. Saotome Ranma was a redhead just like the famous Kahoru Iroka. 'Except hotter! She's like this hot, tiny piece of ass with big melons, but not too big, and she's, like, only sixteen! Mom said her birthday was coming up but, wow, I wish she was legal.'

Baimei hoped Ranma did not have anything against overly tall people. His estimate of Ranma's female side was that she couldn't be over one hundred sixty. Twenty centimeters difference was a lot and she might be shorter than his estimate.

He took the photographs from his room into the hall washroom and decided to take a bath with them. His parents were out making arrangements to rent clothes and Baimei had been offered the choice to help or stay home and study for his college classes. He'd chosen the later telling his mother to pick anything that looked good. Just as he was about to pull his shirt over his head, the doorbell rang and he heard a key in the lock. "Oh, man," he whined and changed course.

"Hello, anybody home?" he heard his big brother, Baisuke call out down stairs in the entrance hall.

He yanked the door open and replied, "Be right there! It's just me!" Baimei grabbed the stack of photos and stuffed them in his jeans' back pocket. His room was on the second floor along with his parents' room and the rooms they kept for his brothers and their husbands. They were arranged two on each side and were connected to the central stairs by a U-shaped balconied hall. Two small toilet rooms, a large linen closet and a large bath were at the head of the stairs.

Baimei exited to take the stairs down two at a time. In the large hall below with vaulted ceilings reaching to the central chandelier was his brother wearing a broad smile and carrying a wrapped bottle. "Congratulations, little sister," he said. "Looking good," he added, slyly. Baimei flushed. She should have expected the first words out of his mouth to be teasing. "Take this to the kitchen, little sis," Baisuke imperiously commanded.

He readily obeyed knowing that any protests would result in further humiliation. Soon, he hoped, he would change back into his birth form but, if his brother came all this way from the west coast just to tease, he probably wouldn't be changing back until long after he left. That reminded him, "Hey, are you staying here, tonight?" he asked passing through the dining hall and into the large kitchen filled with stainless steel appliances.

"No, my husband and I are staying at the Old Otani," he heard his brother say from the hall. The sound of a shoe dropping echoed all the way into the kitchen. The house was too large for just three people and her mother couldn't stand too much of the clutter that would help dampen the echoes.

He put the bottle of sake into the refrigerator and focused on changing back. After a moment of thinking about his irritating brother, he managed to regain her female body. Baimei adjusted her shirt and looked around for a sweater, or something, for additional cover. Her brother walked into the kitchen and looked around. "I told you to take it to the kitchen, brat, not put it away," he complained but did not sound put out in the least. He went straight for the cupboard and got out two glasses while Baimei wondered if he'd actually offer her a drink, or if this was just another poor joke.

Baisuke checked the refrigerator and found what he was looking for. "So, Mom and Dad are setting you up to meet some potential brides, are they?" he commented with the sly grin she knew so well.

"They told you, already?" she asked but knew the answer.

He nodded at her. "I heard how you demanded they consider normal people from outside our clan," he said, unscrewing the cap. "You've always been such an idealist but it's your future," he added with a shrug.

She stared at the glasses while he poured, not daring to ask if one was for her. At last he finished and screwed the cap back on. Baisuke pushed one of the glasses toward her and gave a reassuring smile. "When is your first interview?" he asked, turning to put the bottle back in the cooler.

She took the proffered beverage and waited until he picked up his. "The first one is supposed to be this weekend."

He nodded and they sipped their booze, together. "What's she look like?" he asked.

Baimei coughed. The cool alcohol went down the wrong way. "Oh, she's okay, I guess. A little short." She turned away and walked out into the dining hall over to the large window to stare out into the night. It was more like staring at her reflection because the lights were on throughout most of the house. Her reflection stared back. She had brown eyes and straight black hair. She looked like a perfectly ordinary androgynous man. It was too bad she wasn't a _real_ man. It was hard to get dates as a girl but as a guy, he had all kinds of women interested to the point of chasing him. Not one truly understood what it was like for members of her family.

'Saotome would,' her inner thoughts replied.

Her brother's reflection silently joined hers. The image in the window mirrored his taking another sip of sake and reminded Baimei she had a glass of her own. The sweet, icy liquid left a warm trail down her throat. Fingers invaded her back pocket.

"Lemme see!" Her brother yelled in delight and raced away with her pictures.

"No!" She chased him around the fancy Western-styled dining table but he stayed on the opposite side, out of her reach, and quickly shuffled through the five prints. She gave up and pulled out a chair, setting heavily into it. "That's not fair," she complained, more bitterly than she really felt.

"You left them sticking out. You should know better," he said, not taking his eyes off the photos. Baisuke set his drink down and pulled out his own chair. She watched his eyes rove back and forth across the photos. "Is it the blue-eyed redhead?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes," she answered and took a drink.

"The blue-eyed boy is wearing clothes that match a set of hers. Is that her brother or is she a Shimeru?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her.

Baimei stared back, defeated. "No, and no. That's her. She's not a Shimeru but she was born a boy and has some weird magic power that mimics our family problem."

"He changes gender when he's aroused?"

She shook her head. "It has to do with water, according to Mom."

"But… will that work? I mean, you'll always turn into a man when you get excited."

"I know," she answered, sagging onto the table, "but she's really hot. Mom said she's also the heir to some family combat style but they're poor so they don't have a dojo."

Baisuke pondered that a moment. "Well, maybe you don't have to worry about breaking her." Baimei shot him a nasty look. He waved his hands in defense. "She looks tiny, okay; really tiny."

"Yeah, she does," Baimei allowed. "Maybe our kids will be normal if we average out."

Her brother snorted at that. "Who's the bishie?" he asked, sliding a photo around to tap on Kyouya's image.

Baimei shrugged. "I don't know. I think he's her boyfriend. That's how Mom and Grandma think there's a chance between us."

"What's her name, anyway?"

"Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling; it's on the back of the bikini picture."

"Gee, that's a mouth full. You're serious about her?" he asked.

Baimei nodded. It probably hadn't escaped her brother's notice that she was male and holding the pictures when he stopped by. "As serious as possible without even meeting her."

Draining his glass, Baisuke grinned and got up. "Don't put those pictures away. I'm just getting us another drink. Hurry up and finish yours, _little brother."_

By the time their parents arrived, both young men were hammered. Baisuke had the hiccups from all the teasing he'd doled out and the jollies he got from it. Baimei was totally engrossed in the pictures of Saotome Ranma and had found a magnifying glass to help memorize her features.

"Nikorin, dear," Baijo said addressing his wife, "Can you call Baito in the morning and have him hurry on the Saotome-girl's background check. I'd feel better if he was working full-time. We'll need to select some other candidates in case this one doesn't pan out. I'll get in touch with the main house on the island about a boy from the family, too. I'm worried Baimei is already becoming attached to the idea of marrying Saotome."

"Of course, dear," Nikorin answered. The tall blonde with long wavy hair and bright green eyes looked straight into her husband's gray eyes and hinted, "The kids appear distracted tonight. I'll call Funami at the hotel to come pick up Baisuke. Then I'll herd Baimei into his room if you want to start the shower."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma finished picking up after their visitors. Her clothes from the morning were dry and so were Kyouya's but she decided not to pack his small suitcase until the morning. It didn't seem right to her. Soon, there was nothing left to do but get ready for bed. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with Kyouya but that meant he couldn't move.

"Kyouya, do you need to use the toilet?" she asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Well, _her_ uncomfortable silence. Kyouya was as full of loving encouragement as he ever was, even if he remained seated at the table where she'd ordered him.

"It is not necessary at this time," he answered.

She almost let it go at that but asked, "Will it be, you know, necessary before you leave tomorrow?"

He thought about it and answered, "Possibly not. I can shut those systems down. They will not be needed for much longer."

'Thanks for the reminder,' Ranma thought morosely on her way to the toilet. After doing her business, she washed her hands and face gazing into the mirror over the sink. She lifted her arms over her head then gathered her hair looking around the counter for the tie to put it back into a pigtail. 'There it is,' she thought but made no move for it. 'It won't hurt to let it stay down, tonight,' she thought, so she left her hair loose. Her hands went next to the buttons behind her neck. These, she undid while staring at herself in the mirror.

Ranma pulled the sundress over her head. She certainly couldn't sleep in it. 'What do I wear to bed?' she wondered while standing there in her underwear. She pulled her slip down and stepped out of it, next. Now, she wore less underwear. Her boxers were out in the room with her Chinese tangs. 'I promised Pop I wouldn't do nothin' with Kyouya,' she reminded herself. She borrowed his comb and swiftly ran it through her hair to straighten it out. Ranma laid her dress and slip over her left arm and carefully opened the door to the hall. 'It's more than my bikini.'

Kyouya's face lit up in a wonderful smile the moment he saw her. "Every moment I am with you is more precious to me than life itself. You grow more attractive every day."

Feeling a rising flush, she mumbled, "I wish you wouldn't say that mushy stuff all the time."

"You asked me to teach you everything I know to help you win Tendo-san's favor," he replied, sounding confused.

"Oh," Ranma said, chagrinned, "so you didn't mean that. That's okay."

"I _did_ mean it, Ranma-chan. I love you more than anything. Those words came from my heart," he said, quite seriously. "Use these words to win the heart of your true love." She folded her dress once and set it along an empty wall and moved to the corner where the futon was folded. "I can help," Kyouya offered.

She shook her head in denial. "Save your energy. I… I want to talk with you as long as possible." After the futon was unfolded, Ranma returned to the table and pulled him sideways. The moment she had him enough out of a seated position for a better grip, she slid her right arm under his knees and picked him up. A few more steps brought her to the futon.

"Please put me down next to you but not on the futon," Kyou requested.

Ranma protested. "It's _your_ futon. You can sleep in it. I'll be fine."

"No, I don't need it. You do," he replied.

She saw the logic but didn't like it. 'If he was a real human, this would be a _heck_ of a lot harder. Don't know if I'd be runnin' from him or kissing.' It scared her to realize just how difficult that decision would be. 'When did I-' she started but knew it was when she was introduced to Kyouya. 'All it takes is one super great guy an' suddenly, I'm all girly about him,' she thought in disgust. She set him down lying next to the futon just as he asked.

"Please do not be upset," he said with a sad smile, reminding her of his mood sensing medallion necklace. He wasted the energy to squeeze her hand in his. "I feel like I have failed in my purpose, my love. I have not taught you everything I know, helped you win Tendo-san's heart, or pleased you as the other figures have their loves."

Clasping Kyouya's hand between both of hers, Ranma looked down into his eyes from where she knelt. "You taught me lots o' good stuff, Kyouya; lots. I just need to learn say it an' do it right. Akane-chan can be a klutzy, violent, un-cute tomboy but she ain't always bad an' you've made me happier than anyone else I know. My pop is usually a stupid sack of hot air but even _he's_ been okay this week," she said.

Ranma stood enough to climb over him and lay down on the small, cheap futon she'd bought for him. She pulled the blanket over her and rolled sideways to face Kyouya. "Now, please help me memorize all those awesome lines you know that can even impress _me."_

Over the next hour and a few minutes, Ranma lay beside Kyouya memorizing nice things to say to Akane the next time they meet. She held his hand in hers and they stared at the ceiling when they weren't staring at each other. "Think and speak from your heart," he told her in summary. "If you mean it, she will understand."

"Okay. I'll try," Ranma said, not quite as confidently. "What do I do after that?"

"If she allows, you can touch her," he replied, startling her. "Do not be alarmed. I would not do that if you did not feel comfortable," he quickly added. "I am running very low on energy."

"When will you…"

"Not long. I am set to wake at six o'clock tomorrow morning. I hope I have enough power to make it to the pick-up location."

"I promised I would help you. Just, I hope I can wake up in time."

"You purchased a small alarm clock," Kyouya pointed out.

Ranma used her free hand to knock herself in the skull with her fist. "Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll set it in time to wake up after you go to sleep."

"Please remember. I will not have much energy," he said sounding sleepy.

She thought the concept through more thoroughly and realized it would be hard to set if she didn't even know what time it was. The alarm clock was still in its packaging in a small stack comprised of Kyouya's suitcase, new clothes, and other things. She unwrapped it and plugged it into the wall. "Hey, what time is it?" she asked.

"It is nine seventeen," he replied, slurring slightly. She set the alarm for a minute from then and waited to see if it was annoying enough to wake her. Barely a second after it went off, she was convinced it would do the job and set it for five thirty.

Understanding that his time was nearing, she crawled back into the futon and asked, "What… what about this touching? Are there things girls like? I don't want to get hit."

For the next half hour or so, Kyouya explained more than Ranma could handle. She listened while he tried to explain without being able to actually show her, tried what she could on herself and imagined the rest. It was probably for the best when he finally dozed off leaving Ranma with a lot of ideas she guessed her father would rather she not have until after marriage.

Sleep seemed far away at the moment so she stealthily rose and retreated to the bath. When she was finished and returned to the futon, she maneuvered Kyouya onto one side of it and lay down next to him. "Pop never told me I couldn't sleep with you," she explained to her sleeping training dummy and the first person she fell absolutely in love with. Ranma drew the blanket over them and snuggled in for the night. 'Maybe, one day I'll get to do this with Akane.'


	9. Goodbye Kyouya, Hello Students

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Goodbye Kyouya, Hello Students

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

An incessant buzzing woke Ranma with a start. Before she knew what she was doing, she'd crawled out from under the warm blanket to find the source of the problem on the floor up against the wall. Teeth clenched against the awful noise, she sat back on her heels and grasped the thing in both hands looking for a way to turn it off. The snooze button silenced it as her mind began waking. 'The instructions said snoozing would make it do it again in ten minutes.' That was _not_ something she looked forward to. Rolling the small alarm clock around, she finally found the real off-button, right where it was last night and dropped it back on the floor in distaste.

With a sigh, she stared at the time with its softly glowing red numerals. It was 5:32 am; too damn early. Unconsciously, she pulled the left strap of her bra back onto her shoulder from where it had slipped off and fallen down her arm. 'Might as well not wear it,' she thought. Her distaste for the morning was building. Wearing it tight enough to keep it from shifting in her sleep was an uncomfortable option. 'Underwear should be loose,' she decided with boxers in mind while rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Except for the negligible light from the clock, the only source for the tiny room was a few small gaps in the heavy curtains letting dim slivers of city streetlight paint a glow around the curtain's edges and a silvery shaft across Kyouya's legs.

Ranma longed for the warmth she enjoyed when the alarm woke her. "Nyaaah," she moaned in disappointment at having things to do and not being able to go back to sleep like she so desperately wanted. Crawling back to the futon, curiosity briefly overwhelmed her and she snuggled back into the spot she'd woken in, laying half on Kyouya left side, and drew the blanket back over them. 'Pop said I couldn't try out what it's like for a girl to have sex but this isn't sex,' she decided. Ranma found his left arm in the way and got up enough to pull it out so she could lay in tighter and rest her head on his bicep near the shoulder. Her own left arm she stretched over his shirt-covered stomach. She'd put him to bed wearing still dressed as it took less energy leaving the clothes on. Now, she was curious about what it might feel like to wake up next to her wife, or her husband.

She snuggled into him enjoying the warmth of his body and the blanket covering them. Her left hand slid over his shirt until she found the bottom and slipped up underneath to touch the large sensor stone in his medallion. From there, she decided to stop before she got any further frustrated. A stray thought that she could as easily move her hand lower and touch him down there just as easily flit over her somewhat fluffy consciousness but Kyouya was not awake, was not human, and would definitely be dead very, very soon stayed her hand.

With a ragged sigh, she decided to get up. There were things to do before he woke. She gave him one last snuggle and slid her left leg over his hips to lay straddling over the robotic companion. Ranma pushed up onto her elbows and scooted up his body, noting the effect it had on her body, and leaned down to kiss him. 'Would it feel like that with a real person?' she wondered. The kiss was chaste given that Kyouya was still in an artificial coma. 'Guess I'd better get going,' she decided in resignation.

Ranma sat up looking down at her sleeping boyfriend. Strange thoughts fluttered around the inside of her head while she sat there in her panties and bra, hands sliding down his rib cage to finally rest on her thighs. She dared not think too hard about the situation and rose to her feet covering him back up with the blanket before heading toward the toilette.

A few minutes later, she had taken care of business and washed her hands and face. 'Now, where did I put them?' she wondered about her clothes left from Saturday morning. Flipping on the kitchen light, she looked around and spotted her normal shirt and trousers where she'd left them in a neat stack near the alarm clock. She traded female underwear for male and continued getting dressed in her old clothes noting the clock saying there was only eight minutes until Kyouya woke. After that, she opened the heavy curtains and began packing what she could of Kyouya's things into his small suitcase. There would not be time for breakfast. She did not plan on returning after seeing Kyouya off. It was a school day and her school stuff was at Tendo-ke.

The reminder she had to return there so soon soured her mood. Ranma had only a couple of minutes left and looked around the apartment. 'I'll have t' come back for my stuff, later,' she thought, spying her sundress on the floor with underwear tossed on top. 'There's still a little food and a lot of drinks in the ice box.'

She took a minute to straighten the zabuton before remembering Kyouya's shoes. "Dang it!" she cussed. 'He can't walk out o' here without shoes on!' Ranma took the suitcase and quickly headed to the door to grab Kyouya's shoes. She took three steps on the way back and decided to retrieve her own shoes. 'If I got to help Kyouya stand…' Ranma went to put on her purple-thonged sandals but stopped and switched to the over-sized black sandals. 'Duh!' The purple ones should stay with the dress and she'd be changing back into a man before school, anyway.

It was 6:02 on the clock and Kyouya should have already woken. Ranma was kneeling at his side a moment later. "Kyouya, wake up," she said, shaking his shoulders gently. He did not respond. "Kyouya, come on, wake up. We need to leave, soon." Still, he did not stir. Ranma's mind foundered now that the plan was looking inoperable. "I know. You need a kiss, don't you," she muttered and promptly gave him one.

Kyouya's eyes cracked open and his chest heaved. "Good morning, Ranma-chan. You look beautiful, today."

The tide of panic turned and rushed right back out. "Morning, Kyouya," she said, smiling back. "Let me put your shoes on and we can head out. It's almost time for your ride." Ranma threw back the blanket and slipped Kyouya's black loafers on, making sure they were straight and seated properly before returning to stand beside him. "Ready?" she asked with a sad smile.

"I will never be ready to leave you, my love, but I am ready to stand and face my end with your help," he replied.

Ranma's chest tightened and her eyes watered. Voice thick with emotion, she returned, "Ah… jerk. Why'd you have to say that?"

"Nothing will ever change how much I love you."

Ranma held a hand out and Kyouya grasped it so she could haul him to his feet. He stood, somewhat unstably, on her left side. She pulled his right arm over her shoulders and started for the door. "Me, too," she whispered. His movements were slow and deliberate and she regretted her small stature for the inadequate support it provided him.

The two of them walked out of Green Hills room 205 side by side with Kyouya dragging his small, wheeled suitcase in his left hand while Ranma held him from the right. The hall was empty and quiet this early in the morning that she figured it wouldn't last long. The stairway down to the first floor was a slow process but they navigated the hazard safely. Ranma prayed the old landlady was still sleeping in her room. She had no idea how to explain why Kyouya needed her to practically carry him outside as if he were some drunken salary man. Luck favored them and the pair exited into the early morning darkness and sound of a waking metropolis.

The narrow road was sparsely populated. Some people spared a glance but Ranma ignored them. "What time is it?" she asked.

Kyouya immediately answered, "It is six-oh-nine."

She nodded. "Thanks. Looks like we're on time."

"I do not want to leave you," he suddenly stated. Tears welled up in her eyes and the streetlights blurred. She kept on walking, half-carrying Kyouya, even as his artificial chi faded.

A dieseling rumble heralded the white blur she knew had come for her boyfriend. With a ragged sob, she replied, "I don't want you to leave, either." Together, they kept walking. There was no path back to the way things had been. The truck had come for him and there was nothing either of them could do.

The shimmering white rectangle grew closer with each step. Ranma's throat constricted so that it became a labor simply to breath. Kyouya's strength started failing and she was forced to bear more of his weight. It became very difficult, almost unbearable, and her eyes and nose would not stop running. When white filled her vision and the sound of the engine roared in her ears, a black rectangle opened a little to her right. She steered for it, half blind.

"I will always love you, Ranma-chan," Kyouya whispered, sleepily, in her ear, "always."

A moment later, his heart stopped at the same time as his chi. Kyouya's full weight suddenly bore down on her and she was almost driven to the ground as he repeated the words he'd spoken just days ago. Her mind echoed, "…until the end of the beta-site contract." It was insane. _She_ was insane. _'How can I love him?'_ her voice screamed in her head.

Strong arms relieved her of Kyouya's body and another pair held her gently from behind. She rubbed her eyes with the back of a shirt sleeve trying to get a better look at the people taking Kyouya into the black rectangle. Ranma sniffled and coughed and sniffled again but her eyes just wouldn't work right. The strong arms across her chest and over her stomach turned her around so she didn't have to face the white truck anymore.

A vastly more familiar dingy white fabric took its place. She clutched the cloth, bunching it in her fists, and poured her heart out in great, wracking sobs.

"Thank you for calling me," her father said in the most respectful tone she had ever heard from him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Baimei, get up or you'll be late!" her mother yelled through the door to her bedroom.

The tactic worked as well as anyone could hope for. "Huh? What time izit?"

"It's a quarter after six. You have to catch the train by seven if you want to make your morning class at Toudai," her mother, Shimeru Baijo, replied from the other side of the door with some exasperation. Baimei rolled over and stared at the clock. It said 6:14. Her mother rounded up.

"I'm awake!" she called back, not willing to admit much more. 'Ugh, I want to skip class _so_ bad,' she thought. Her head felt like it had a pen stuck through each of her temples and they skewered her eyeballs on their way toward meeting in her stuffy nose.

Baimei lay there a few more minutes not caring nearly as much as her mother about getting to class. 'I probably wouldn't make it, anyway,' she considered, yet her mother would mark the time until she left the house with lateness earning a lecture. She threw a leg over the edge of her bed and half-rolled, half-slipped out of bed taking a handful of photographs and her bedspread with her.

"Ugh," she groaned again, this time vocally. Those pictures were valuable. Baimei knelt on the floor and gathered them up, placing them on her nightstand so she'd remember to take them to school.

It wasn't until the shower that Baimei's brain turned the rest of the way on. Standing in the wash area with the spray nozzle stuck into a holder high up on the wall, she let the hot water work on her face trying to loosen her sinuses and work the pain out of her head. Vague thoughts of getting even with her brother, Baisuke, for getting her drunk last night, and teasing her about the omiai coming up next weekend, warred with her weakened intellect as it tried to remember the locations of her school books, schedule for the day, and worries over her dorm-mates' reactions. It would not take long for word of her omiai to surface and the speculation to begin.

'I can handle being talked about and I can handle the omiai but how do I keep everyone thinking I'm checking out girls, not guys?' she wondered. It was one thing to lead a double-life but another to lead one with someone else who also has a double-life.

'Wait! That's it! I'll just have to make sure Saotome-san is a man when my friends see him.' It was a testament to her hangover that she missed connecting the fact that the whole situation is not the least bit out of the ordinary for her. She toweled off and retreated back to her room.

Then again, Baimei was something of a prude by Shimeru standards, modern ones, at least. She had friends, both women and men, though the men were who she normally hung around with, whatever her gender. She had often thought of "coming out" just to let everyone know where she stood. Declaring herself a lesbian could cut her some slack with the men, when she wasn't one of them. However, Baimei was concerned about her girlfriends; many of whom she respected enough not to want to tangle their friendship with casual sex.

The women of her clan were very active as men and inevitably tended to play the field until they were hooked up with a Shimeru bride capable of slaking their thirst. It was, perhaps, the single most important driving factor behind the clan's continued adherence to arranged marriages and she could easily see why. It was hard enough staying out of her dorm-mates' rooms when they dressed casually. Turning down blatant offers when she was in her male body was an order of magnitude more difficult.

'At least I have a room on the ground floor,' she thought, putting on her universal underwear. 'Everyone thinks I'm dating myself.' It helped her keep some distance from her friends and classmates when they thought the tall bishonen she turned into was actually dating the tall, stick-like Baimei. She let everyone think he sometimes sneaks into her room when her roommate's out or stalks her from outside the window. 'Good thing my roommate is so into her clubs.'

After dressing, Baimei gathered up her books, taking care to hide Ranma's pictures inside, and organized her backpack for the trip back to Todai. She made her bed and put everything in the room back in its place. Baimei was nothing, if not meticulous. 'Better return mom's magnifying glass,' she remembered, though she hadn't a clue where it might be and hoped it was on the sofa downstairs. That was where she was headed, anyhow.

Opening her bedroom door, head still aching, she carried her backpack and duffle around the hall to the great stairway leading to the tall front entrance. The house was supposed to be of a European design but she knew it wasn't. The layout had been adjusted for Japanese perception of what a European house looked like, both inside and out, using only materials and labor from the Kanto area and acquiescing to Japanese building regulations. The floor plan was small compared to its aspirations and packed into small lot, though her parents could afford larger. There was parking for three out front and a mid-sized backyard with a tall, concrete wall surrounding it.

Ceilings were far above Japanese standards giving more than three meters of clearance. Secretly, she thought this was Nikorin's request and rather liked it. Most other buildings had ceilings so low she was worried that turning into a man would result in bumping his head on door frames. She had good reason, and a few lumps, to justify her concern in some of the older buildings.

The house was laid out in a U-shape. Above were the bedrooms and bathrooms. The main floor below had kitchen and dining room on one side and the everything-else-room on the other. In the middle was the entrance, stairs, and a sort of miscellaneous room under a large chandelier her parents used for a gathering hall and was traditionally filled with seasonal displays for taking pictures with and was otherwise useless. The doors at the back led to toilettes and a small wash room on the right and a library-music room on the left that saw more use as a place for Baijo and Bako to do office work or take a nap in.

"Dad, you have my laundry ready?" she called, walking into the kitchen. Both her parents were in there, she quickly discovered, and her laundry was folded in a basket on the floor next to the kitchen counter. "Oh." Her father, Nikorin, handed her a wrapped box that she accurately assumed was breakfast. "Thanks, Dad."

"Don't get too hung up on young Ranma-chan," her mother cautioned from the other end of the counter where she sipped her coffee over an open newspaper. Baijo wore a black suit this morning that was currently oversized so her day was probably more formal. "She isn't Shimeru, you know. There _will_ be complications. It's too late after marriage to consider such things."

"Statistically speaking, she couldn't get any better, she's not a normal person by any stretch of the imagination, and my head hurts and I don't feel like arguing." Baimei knelt and unzipped her duffel to transfer her clean clothes to it from the basket for the trip back to school. They barely fit in and she had to crush them to get that much cooperation. "Thanks, Dad. You'd think they'd be smaller when clean."

"Have fun at school this week," her father said with a broad smile.

"Study hard, dear," her mother added.

"I will," Baimei promised and slung the duffel over her shoulder and backpack. "See you next weekend," she added and headed toward the front door with her boxed breakfast. She would buy an iced coffee from a machine at the station. They also had aspirin there. Stuffing her feet into sneakers so oversized she had to buy them from the men's section, she adjusted the tongues before opening the front door. "Oh, man, it's still dark out?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Kasumi woke early that Monday morning. She had gone to bed early the night before both excited for herself and worried about her sisters, particularly her youngest, whose relationship with Saotome Ranma seemed on the verge of collapse. She pulled on a yukata and made her way downstairs and around back toward the toilette. The sky was glowing with pre-dawn light, overcoming that of the city.

She was nearly around the corner on her way to the small, traditional lavatory when the gate opened admitting a woman wearing a traditional houmongi. Save for the slight tint in her hair and the wrapped bundle in her arms, she could pass for any overly-traditional woman. "Aunti-Saotome, welcome! This is a surprise. Should I wake father?"

Saotome Nodoka bowed in greeting. "Good morning, Kasumi-chan. I am sure your father will wake soon enough. My husband received a call this morning and said he would be bringing here Ranma with him. I just thought I could help."

Kasumi answered, "I will put on some tea as soon as I return." What she hesitated to ask was what the Saotome family was doing all showing up so early? 'There must surely be some important announcement.' She could not imagine it being happy news after yesterday.

When she returned from the toilette and wash room, she found Ranma's sometimes flakey mother in the kitchen starting breakfast. The water was heating on the stove and Nodoka looked as if she were deliberating on the amount of rice to make. "Obasan, would you like to sit and have a cup of tea while I get breakfast started?" she asked, still not comfortable with the older woman in her mother's kitchen.

"I would very much like to help, Kasumi-chan. How much rice do you normally cook?" Nodoka asked.

"About a liter," she answered with only a moment's hesitation.

"Oh, dear. That much?" Nodoka asked while measuring out the rice into the rice cooker.

She nodded on her way to the refrigerator. "Except for Happosai-ojiisan, the men like to have two servings and Akane-chan will sometimes have a second. And then there are the lunch boxes for Nabiki-chan, Akane-chan and Ranma-kun. Oji-san and Father take lunches when they go out, too." Kasumi chose a package of lean beef to grill up this morning rather than something less expensive. Today was shaping up to be a very stressful one and she wanted to make sure her family presented itself as well as possible.

Nodoka took one look at the six hundred thirty-one gram package of flank steak and said, "Beef? Oh, Kasumi, dear, that's too much. Please, the rice is more than enough. I know you have pickles-"

Kasumi forestalled the remainder of the older woman's protests. "Please, do not concern yourself, Auntie, it isn't much when shared eight ways and it will be a pleasure to serve it to the whole family this morning."

She noted, with a small measure of satisfaction, Nodoka's fallen countenance. 'So, I was right. There _will_ be an unfortunate announcement this morning.' Her own mood fell at that. She continued her plan for an expensive breakfast side by side with the women who would bring bad news and disharmony to the table. Both women assembled the meal with a minimum of conversation while they were absorbed in their thoughts.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genma led his child, son or daughter it no longer mattered to him, back to the Tendo compound. Neither spoke after Ranma delivered the dying artificial person to the odd corporation. They had called him before dawn that morning at his wife's place to say his daughter would deliver the thing to the pick-up crew and Yuuno Chiaki-san thought she would need his support when she did so. It was uncanny how they knew but he was grateful they asked.

Ranma was his life. Nodoka was his wife and a part of him he missed dearly when on the road despite his fear of screwing up and forcing her to choose between death and dishonor. She was a stickler for honor but she was also loyal and loving a thousand times beyond what he was worth. Separation allowed him to live up to her expectations and gave them both strength to face the future but it hurt his child.

The curses were truly a punishment of the gods. The very qualities that made Ranma _their_ child rather than his, Nodoka's passionate heart and deep-seated need for reassurance, were turned against them because of the pact. Jusenkyou _knew_ what would torture his family the most. He _hated_ that place. It gave him a curse that was benign, almost beneficial given the number of people who'll gush over a cute panda, but it gave his son a curse that put him in grave danger and was influencing his mind.

Ranma was becoming more of a young woman and he could not stop it any more than he could stop loving his child. Soon, Nodoka would realize the truth behind Ranma's façade and there would be no good path left for retreat. Ranma would become her daughter as much as her son and be forced to accept his curse in the face of his mother's powerful expectations.

Together, Genma and his child approached the front gate to Tendo-ke. Ranma opened the gate and Genma held it before closing it behind. "Why don't you go take a bath, boy," he suggested in the hope a change back to his normal body would return the emotional stability and confidence Ranma usually carried.

His son slid the door to the house open and stepped into the genkan. "I'm back," Ranma called, half-heartedly, and kicked her sandals off before turning toward the stairs.

A light clatter and the sound of feed hurriedly approaching warned him his wife was here. None of the Tendo women wore traditional clothes outside of special occasions. "Ranma-chan!" Nodoka called back in delight and intercepted her depressed child pulling Ranma into a fierce hug. Genma stepped out of his geta and waited for it. Sure enough, his wife finished her hug and held Ranma's face between her hands to look at her child with a bright smile.

That smile dropped when she saw the results of Ranma's broken heart. "You've been crying! Oh, Ranma-chan, what happened?"

Genma skillfully intercepted the question. "Nothing happened, dear. Boy, you'd better hurry up or you'll be late for school."

Nodoka shot him a look of confusion. He shook his head slightly letting her know that now wasn't the time. She'd find out soon enough. Taking her arm in his, he led her away from the stairs so Ranma could make good her retreat up to their room. That was the intent, anyway.

They heard Nabiki from the upstairs hall ask, "Wow, Saotome, who died, your boyfriend?"

Fortunately, his child didn't reply. "Soon," Genma assured Nodoka after receiving another, even more alarmed expression. Like Ranma, she wouldn't wait very long before taking matters into her own hand. His plan to contain the damage was unraveling.

He heard Nabiki's footsteps on the stairs. She stopped before the bottom and said, "Ooops," before calling back upstairs. "Hey, Ranma, I was kidding, okay. You're just _too_ manly, kiddo!" He retreated to the kitchen with Nodoka in tow. Kasumi was there. She stared at him with an open mouth covered politely by her hand but declined to ask.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sneaking back down the stairs, wary of her mother and all of the Tendo family, Ranma slipped by the kitchen and took the engawa around back to the toilet. 'Nabiki, you didn't have to say that!' she loudly complained in her head. 'Now, mom's goin' to have weird ideas.'

She finished her business and entered the change room to strip before a quick wash and hot bath. Fourteen minutes later, he was out and ready for breakfast. He did not at all feel like facing his parents or the Tendo family.

Dressed in the same clothes he arrived in, Ranma padded softly back to the tea room to find Soun out on the engawa smoking his first cigarette of the day and sharing the paper with Nabiki. His parents were sitting together at the table sipping tea. He took a deep breath and asked, "Where's Akane?"

"She's in the dojo," Nabiki answered, not looking up from the society pages.

Ranma made his way past the kitchen and was about to turn at the corner of the hall to the dojo before Soun said in a rush, "Ranma-kun, please talk to her through the door. Don't open it."

He paused and looked back. "Why?"

"It's part of her punishment," Soun replied. "She has to meditate. The Master has her doing meditation exercises." Ranma thought this sounded like a pretty lame excuse and now was curious. "Meditation is good, isn't it, son?"

Ranma narrowed his eyes at the Tendo patriarch. "What kind of meditation? Pop taught me lots of stuff for that."

Sounding panicked, Soun said, "It's a special Tendo-ryu Musabetsu Kakutou meditation. No peeking until Akane has mastered it."

Frustrated but understanding of secret family styles, Ranma was about to go talk to the dojo's shoji when his father, sounding surprised, asked, "Tendo-kun, did I hear that right? You're teaching Akane-chan your family style?"

Curious, Ranma was drawn back to the tea room. Soun held the newspaper up to hide behind and replied, "Well, the Master is here and I thought he'd train her like he was training Ranma-kun so I asked him to train her except they found out I wasn't teaching my style and never told my daughters about it so he went out and got some things to train her and she found out…" Soun burst into tears and sagged even deeper behind his newspaper, crumpling the edges in his fists. "Waaah! My little baby is growing up!"

Ranma glanced at his father for an explanation just as Kasumi walked in with a tray laden with food. It smelled delicious. It smelled like real beef. "Ranma-kun, can you go see if Akane-chan is up? Tell her it's time for breakfast."

Ranma shrugged and turned the corner to make his way out of the house and across the covered path to knock on the dojo door. "Akane, it's time for breakfast. You done meditatin'?"

He heard a soft gasp from inside. "Huh, what time izit?" Akane slurred sounding sleepy.

"I don' know. Time for breakfast. Your dad said you were meditating. You fall asleep, or something?"

Suddenly, he heard a scramble inside the dojo. Paper rustled and the sound of Akane's feet running across the floor indicated she was now wide awake. He was curious but not as much as he would have been if Kyouya hadn't died. 'It ain't like she cares so why should _I_ care?' Ranma turned and headed back toward the house. He heard a board slide and a familiar clatter from within the dojo. "Hey, you better not've eaten my crackers!"

The sound of crinkling plastic could be heard from where he stopped on the path to the house. "I didn't eat your crackers!" Akane yelled back through the shoji. "You can't keep them here anymore. Take them into the house! And don't look under the tokonoma!"

"I know, I know, secret scrolls or something. Your Pop told me about it."

"Y-yeah! Secret scrolls; don't look!"

"Whatever," Ranma said, and pouted. He was interested in secret scrolls just as much as anyone. The only reason he wouldn't go read them, now that he knew where they were, was because he had to have _some_ respect for the Tendo family style.

Akane's feet pounded across the dojo back toward the entrance. He was still staring when she slid it open and froze, hands pulling the belt of her dougi tight. "I need to take a bath first," she said when their eyes met. The next moment she was down the stairs and running around the back of the house toward the facilities.

Ranma shrugged. A little curious, he stole up the steps to the dojo and slid the door open in case Akane left some of her training equipment out. There were no broken boards, blocks or training dummies, though. No weapons, nothing. The air smelled pretty musky and the scent triggered something in his memory but he couldn't place it. Closing the door, he headed back into the house with another shrug. 'She must be working out.'

"She's in the bath," he explained as he sat at the table. "Smelled like she was workin' out pretty hard." Soun started crying louder. "What?"

Happosai joined them at the table. "When do we eat?"

His father cleared his throat. "Then let's wait until she comes in to explain."

Ranma stared hungrily at the cooling meat and rice. "Can we eat, then?"

All eyes went to Kasumi. The young woman said, "I'll go check on Akane and let her know we'll wait for her," and rose, heading toward the bathroom.

Groaning inwardly, Ranma was left with nothing to do but stare at the food. Kasumi returned a minute later and, five minutes or so after that, Akane ran upstairs, again taking the back way around the house to get there. When she came down, looking flushed from her rush, they all waited for Kasumi to dish out the rice.

Breakfast was fast, very fast. No one talked and everyone focused on eating; even his mother who used a lot of the time to send furtive glances his way. Finally, his father heaved a great sigh over the decimated meal. "Excellent cooking Kasumi-chan; I'm sure you'll make Ono-sensei very happy. Congratulations on that, by the way."

"Thank you, Uncle," Kasumi replied.

"So…" his father trailed off giving a pointed look toward Soun.

"Hmmmnnn," Soun answered, retrieving his newspaper and fishing out another cigarette.

"Girls, I believe your father has something to say," Genma said.

Soun lit up and exhaled. "You're better at explaining these things, old buddy."

"_But…_ it's _your_ house, old friend," Genma pointed out.

"You're my senior in the art, Saotome-kun, it's only fitting you explain."

"It's _your_ family style. I wouldn't want to-" Genma returned but was interrupted by Happosai.

"_I_ can explain," Happosai offered.

"Nooo! Master, please," Soun begged before switching tactics. "Don't you have something better to do?" he asked. "You were busy, yesterday, gathering training materials for Akane-chan but you can't have gotten everything in just one run. There must be something you forgot."

Happosai's eyes stared vacantly at the Tendo patriarch while his perverted little mind concocted a list of additional "research" he needed to do for Akane's benefit. A moment later, he nodded and stood, all thirty-five centimeters of him. "Right-o, my boy, she'll need more panties to learn ki-charging with! I'd better get going right now!"

Ranma stared slack-jawed as the ancient perverted master leapt from the table into his geta on the engawa and, from there, over the wall into the neighbor's yard. His father pushed his glasses up his nose and crossed his arms to say, "Such is fate." Soun's mouth and eyes were open wide in terror. He looked like he'd been knocked out but refused to fall over. His father cleared his throat and Ranma sensed a long-winded speech coming but remained curious enough to stay awake for it. Besides, it was Monday morning. If his old man took long enough, he would miss class.

What he heard, though, was something entirely unexpected. "Ahem. I suppose it falls to me to explain the truth behind Indiscriminate Grappling. Your father and I can only hope you are all old enough and perceptive enough to see beyond the obvious and search out the deeper meaning behind our schools. Musabetsu Kakutou may _seem_ somewhat unsavory and… and… inappropriate but I _assure_ you it's not quite exactly what it looks like. Our school is a powerful one melding the best of every style of combat to drive most of its practitioners to the heights of skill, all in the service of our society and nation, with the exception of our master and, maybe, a few others."

Sitting next to his mother, Ranma was curious but also skeptical. His father's tone and the dramatic build-up sounded like huge pile of deer biscuits. His father adjusted his glasses, again, in what Ranma had long come to associate with a delaying tactic for making up reasonable explanations for unreasonable behavior. His eyes narrowed upon his old man.

"You see," Genma said, staring at the table and scratching his chin, "Indiscriminate Grappling was originally created by our master for purposes I am sure you can guess; stealing underwear. _However_," he said forestalling any interruptions, "Tendo-kun and I have worked hard to bury the past-"

"But the old freak unburied himself, right?" Ranma enquired.

"Don't interrupt, boy," his father shot back. "Help me out, Tendo-kun," Genma demanded of the mustachioed man hiding behind the newspaper. There was no response other than the man hunching behind it further. The Tendo girls' eyebrows rose in unison reminding Ranma they were sisters. His father cleared his throat, again, and explained, "The two schools are equal halves." Akane's face blossomed into a broad smile. Kasumi's head tilted left as if ask for further explanation. She got it.

"Yes, well," Genma said, avoiding everyone's eyes, "Musabetsu Kakutou was originally designed for stealing panties. I was born dirt poor, as were my parents, so I focused on learning the stealing half of the style. Your father picked up the other half."

Nabiki's eyes widened to the extreme and darted to her father. Ranma followed her gaze while Kasumi, Akane and his mother quickly added their attention. Soun started crying behind his newspaper. "I'm sorry," he moaned. "Your mother didn't want you to know."

Genma nodded and, crossing his arms, continued his explanation. "The Master's training methods are harsh and he demands his students contribute to the school before they are certified to teach. Ranma," he said, directing everyone's attention toward the young man, "has been learning techniques from other schools. I have presented the case for his certification to the Master." His father sighed and his eyes got a tired look to them. "Unfortunately, the case for 'stealing' techniques isn't quite strong enough. Work on stealing something important from him, like his pipe. It's easier and causes less problems than stealing his collection."

Ranma realized his jaw was hanging open and slowly shut it. "The Umisenken and Yamasenken?"

"Those were my masterworks, boy. I developed those techniques to impress the Master."

Ranma's mother put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see her smiling happily. She said, quite matter-of-factly, "He liberated my delicates. Your father is a _very_ manly man." He felt rather inadequate by comparison but was not at all sure of his parents' standards.

"Wh-what did Daddy do for _his_ license?" Akane asked. Her face was rapidly reddening from embarrassment.

Happosai bounded back into the room. "Oops. I almost forgot about the training mission-" he ominously mumbled.

The newspaper began shaking and rattling. His father rambled on, saying, "Your father learned the Master's methods of refreshing chi using ki collected from… others. He was… adept at siphoning ki from underwear." The school's founder nodded happily while stuffing his pipe.

Kasumi gasped and covered her mouth in shock. Nabiki didn't bother with manners and just gaped. Akane had a trickle of blood flowing out of her left nostril. Ranma, being the only teen not nearly comatose, asked, "Did Tendo-ojisan have a masterwork?"

His father nodded, solemnly. "Indeed he did. Tendo-kun adapted the Master's demon-head technique into a truly formidable weapon to use on incorrigible women."

"Huh?" Ranma murmured trying to make the connection given the tricky wording.

"Saotome-kun, please don't say any more! My little girls-"

"It's too late for that, Tendo-kun. You asked the Master to train Akane-chan and you promised to teach your true school. I hope you still have your scrolls and can remember the techniques but I don't want to know any more than that or how you intend to train your heir. A martial artist's life is fraught with peril, old friend."

"Just what was Daddy's masterwork?" Akane persistently asked, even if her fire seemed banked at the moment.

His father frowned and stared at the table for a few moments before answering. "You know that thing he does with the forked tongue?" Akane nodded. "Well, look at the time! Ranma, you had better get going to school."

Ranma's back stiffened. "Do I _have_ to?"

"Of course you do, boy. Now-"

"Dear," his mother interrupted, "we have an announcement to make, remember?"

"Ah, of course, of course," Genma blustered, nervously. Ranma could see the sweat just begin to bead on his temples as if the bizarre explanation on the Tendo-ryu had meant nothing. "Boy, listen up. Your mother has an announcement," his father said, passing on the chore of actually explaining.

Ranma turned back to his mother. She smiled and said, "You all met a very nice lady and her honored mother while shopping on Saturday." Ranma took a few seconds to remember the women in the restroom and nodded. "Well, it turns out Shimeru Baijo has a daughter who changes into a son. Isn't that wonderful?" Ranma stopped breathing. "Anyway, they thought you were so cute and polite they wanted to arrange a little omiai; just to see if you two are compatible. It's next weekend. Isn't that the most amazing good fortune, Ranma-chan? You can meet someone else with the same problem. Shimeru-san sounded so nice on the telephone. They are even going to pay for accommodations and rent a nice wardrobe for us just make sure everything is proper and we can put our best foot forward." Ranma's heart stopped.

"Mom, did I just get another girl after me?" he asked into the resulting silence.

His mother smiled crookedly. "In a way; Shimeru Baimei-san will be your husband in the bedroom, if I understand their explanation." Too stunned by the concept of a wife growing male anatomy to form a proper protest, Ranma began imagining just how that might work. Having another guy touch _him_ there was a deeply embarrassing thought. He switched bodies within his mind and, before the results of _that_ little change were tallied, quickly clamped down on any further imagining.

Akane growled, leaping to her feet, and clenched a fist. "You can't do that," she said, fiercely. "Ranma is _my _fiancée. If anyone's going to take her to bed and do unmentionable things, it's going to be _me!"_

Having been delivered yet another awkward surprise, Ranma opted for a retreat to more familiar territory. "Ah… I think I'll get my stuff an' leave for school, now." His exit from the breakfast table and journey upstairs was markedly less hesitant than his excuse.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki returned her attention to the table after Ranma's retreat from the room. "What the-"

Her father interrupted saying sharply, "Saotome-kun-"

He, too, was interrupted. "If I may have a moment of your time in private, Tendo-kun…" Saotome Genma suggested.

Her father loosely folded the newspaper and nodded to the other man. They rose together and he led Saotome-ojisan out of the tea room and around the side of the house along the engawa. She briefly entertained thoughts of listening in but the ever incorrigible and enthusiastic Happosai slapped the table with his palm and declared, "Hooeeee! Things sure are getting interesting! Someone's going to get a taste of that fine piece of ass soon." Nabiki recoiled from his exceptionally blunt comment. She glanced to judge the reaction of Ranma's mother finding the woman's own gaze averted from the group. Akane sputtered indignantly, face flushed and hands clenching, but did little to argue the point, much to Nabiki's surprise.

Kasumi got up and excused herself to the kitchen and Happosai called after her. "Not that you girls aren't equally fine but it warms my heart to see my students' heirs finally blossoming into adults."

The undertones of an argument drifted through the house from the fathers' discussion. Ranma returned with his book bag to the tea room to ask her little sister, "Hey, I'm ready. You coming, or what?"

Akane, looking chastened, replied, "I'm grounded. I have to go back to the dojo. Can you- Please ask Sayuri-chan and Yuka-chan if you can borrow their notes for me and let me know what the assignments are."

"I'll loan you my notes, too," Ranma offered.

Nabiki was amused and somewhat surprised by the minimal reaction from her little sister that comment produced. Akane's mouth twitched into a faint grimace before she schooled her features and responded, "Sure, Ranma. That would be nice. Take some good notes for me today, please."

The Saotome boy brightened, somewhat, and, after assuring her sister he would take good notes, headed toward the door. "Yo, Nabiki, you coming?"

Dazed by her sister's uncharacteristic behavior, Nabiki got up and began to head for the genkan where she'd left her school supplies.

Behind, Happosai asked sharply, "Akane-chan, you aren't going to take this lying down are you, my girl?" She couldn't hear her sister's answer but, after a short pause, the old master went on to say, "Don't give up. Your mother chased your father with a broom but he didn't let that stop him. It isn't about who can get into whose panties, first. It's about who can leave the biggest impression."

Nabiki decided to hurry on her way after all and caught up to Ranma just outside of the gate. They left for school earlier than usual. She noted that Saotome was uncharacteristically quiet and, oddly enough, she rather wished he would say something utterly egotistical, insulting, or inane just to restore the old status quo. However, he utterly refused to say anything stupid; meaning he said nothing at all.

To her great fortune and everlasting relief, something entirely unexpected happened. Shampoo and Mousse both joined them at a street crossing. She almost didn't recognize them. They were wearing Furinkan High School uniforms and they were wearing them wrongly.

"Mousse, Shampoo?" Ranma asked in disbelief, eyes bulging in an alarming fashion.

Mousse pushed his thick-lensed glasses up the bridge of his nose and said, "Shut up Saotome."

Shampoo elbowed him into silence. "Nihao, airen. You like? Shampoo very handsome, now."

That was enough for Nabiki to put two and two together and covered her mouth to stifle the guffaw. Yes, the two Joketsu were wearing school uniforms but they were wearing each other's. 'Wait a minute,' she thought, eyes narrowing at the two Amazons. 'Those uniforms are sized properly so it isn't just a trade.' Mousse was blushing. "I guess I didn't get the memo. Is this tranny-day?" she asked.

Shampoo and Ranma were blinking in confusion, though each for a different reason. Mousse sullenly answered, "The old monkey said the only way to break Saotome's perverted attraction to me was to dress up as a woman."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow at that. "Really," she drawled and crossed her arms.

"Shampoo learn place of husband so airen no feel tempted to be with man. Mousse is finally become woman and can be respectable warrior," Shampoo explained in a way that raised even more questions. The Chinese provincials had gone all the way in their cross-dressing escapade. Shampoo had her hair back in a simple ponytail and, if Nabiki guessed right, had her breasts bound beneath the boys' shirt and jacket. Nabiki suspected a lot of work had been done with strategic padding to straighten her curves and the uniform looked freshly pressed. Still, her face looked distinctly feminine. Mousse, on the other hand, looked more believable. His long hair was split into two French braids and his face was decently made up. Even his eyebrows were trimmed. If it wasn't for the voice from that Adam's apple sticking out and his almost ridiculous height for a supposed girl, he might pass his classmate's inspection. That brought up a curious question; one she expected she knew the answer to.

"I take it you're both joining Saotome-kun in his class," she pointedly said.

Mousse sneered in disgust looking off to the side. Shampoo nodded rapidly saying, "Yes, yes, is exactly so!" Nabiki found herself wholly unable to repress the shark-like grin.

"You better not even _think_ I'm attractive, Saotome, you pervert!" Mousse grumbled. The Joketsu male spun on his heel, billowing out the skirt of his jumper, and stalked across the road toward Furnikan High. Nabiki hurried after him, anxious to offer her services as guide and host.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The class was abuzz with chatter when Ukyou arrived ready for the start of another week. She soon found out why, much to her consternation. Shampoo was wearing a boys' uniform like her own and was obviously posed in some mockery of male behavior in front of her Ran-chan's desk. The Chinese vixen had one foot up on a chair in front, arms crossed lazily over the bent knee, and was trying to converse in her thick accent further muddled by a voice forced into a lower octave.

She found her way, stiffly, to her desk behind Ranma. Tendo Akane's desk, on the right beside his, was empty. She looked around the room and spied a small knot of her classmates around a new girl who looked even taller than Ukyou, herself. 'She looks taller than most of the guys in class.' Ukyou unpacked her English notebook bulging with today's manga selection fresh off the news stand, _Power!! ~Vitality 110%~,_ hidden within in anticipation of Ninomiya-sensei's lecture.

"I have nothing to say about it," she heard Mousse stridently declare. Ukyou looked around wondering when he walked in but found no sign of him except that the new, tall, bookish girl in the back with the Coke-bottle glasses seemed awfully familiar and was grumpily shooing away the pack of smirking greeters. "What are you looking at, Kuonji-san," the new girl said in Mousse's voice and slumped low in her chair. Ukyou's jaw dropped and she turned slowly to face Ranma's back.

Ranma was clutching the sides of his desk in his hands and leaning back away from a cross-dressing Shampoo, who was still making her pathetic attempts to engage her Ran-chan in conversation. Ukyou slowly turned her head back to Mousse in the last row, again. Mousse-chan glared back. She poked Ranma in the shoulder. "Hey, what's goin' on, hon?" she asked weakly out of morbid fascination.

Her fiancé leaned further away from Shampoo and turned his forced smile on her. "Shampoo was just telling me how to shear a mountain goat."

The door slid open to admit a seven-year-old struggling to carry a fish bowl and briefcase, the latter had a coloring book and box of Pokey, the pretzel candy shaped like furry animals dipped head-first in a boiling vat of chocolate, hanging out. The class representative called for everyone to stand and Shampoo retreated to the back of the class. She didn't stay there, though. After finding out Tendo Akane stayed home, Shampoo quickly moved up to take the place next to Ranma.

Hinako-sensei noted the presence of two new students and promptly decided that, because they did not wait at the door for her to introduce them, they were delinquents. Mousse-chan and Shampoo-kun were summarily drained of all excess energy not absolutely necessary for life. 'Man, those two really got it, today, from Hinako-sensei,' she decided upon review of the morning's events. 'As if bein' drained when class starts isn't enough, adult Hinako-sensei recognized them.' This resulted in the two Joketsu being repeatedly drained for not having gotten permission to join the class, not paying attention, and not answering her questions correctly. Neither of them knew a lick about English and were penalized rather vindictively. It seemed the teacher was after some payback for all the past times those two, mostly Shampoo, had disturbed her class.

Shampoo and Mousse made a poor impression on the rest of the class, too. Their neighbors had to duck, sometimes wildly, out of the way or get caught in the edge of the teacher's chi vacuum. Not all of them, like Ranma or herself, had the skill to make it out of the way all of the time and their sour looks told how much they appreciated it. For everyone else, well, the teacher was in her shrewder adult body the whole time. That meant Ranma had to take notes and Ukyou could not read her manga about the girl who was forced by her father to cross-dress in high school to play basketball but found acceptance among the guys, hot romance, and a chance to blossom into a woman despite her old man's stupid interference. Ukyou was _not_ happy with the Amazons.

Unfortunately, the repeated draining left the pair of interlopers in a vegetative state for most of the morning. Ukyou, despite her burning curiosity, was forced to wait until lunch to find out why Mousse and Shampoo were cross-dressing in school and the morning progressed without further incident.

Before the second period started, she _did_ find out why Tendo Akane wasn't in class. "She said she's grounded," Ranma explained and went on to add, "I dunno what's so bad about that. I knew some other guys had that happen, too, 'cept it was only _after_ school when they had it. Stayin' home seems pretty cool t' me."

"Pop just used a spatula on me," Ukyou commented, "but I knew one girl whose parents grounded her for low marks. She was stuck studyin' in her room every day after school 'stead of cheering on our baseball team."

"You were on a baseball team?" Ranma asked, surprised.

"Yeah, but Pop banned me from it when a scout from some high school showed up. 'Shinobi aren't popular sports idols,' he said, and that was it for baseball," Ukyou replied.

Ranma huffed and crossed his arms. "Pop says the same stuff about tournaments." He sighed in resignation. "He's right, for once. I got too good for high school sports before I started middle-school; just didn't realize that they weren't any stronger 'cause they were bigger."

The teacher for the second class of the day, mathematics, came in and they eyed the comatose Shampoo in her boys' school uniform, head down and looking completely emaciated as they stood to bow.

Shampoo promised to explain later after recovering slightly during the math class. She was sullen at having been so severely punished and still seemed off her mark. Mousse was using the opportunity between classes to sleep, or feign it, at least. Ukyou guessed he was not well prepared to field all of the questions he received.

When lunchtime finally arrived, Ranma turned his desk around backwards to face Ukyou and Shampoo wearily turned hers around to sit beside Ranma. Mousse joined them carrying his own desk. An odd thought suddenly occurred to Ukyou and she surreptitiously used her water bottle to add a little moisture to Ranma's head. "There, now we all match," she said with a grin. Ranma gave her a raspberry for her effort. "So," she said turning to Mousse, "You've been quiet all morning; mind explaining the change in hairstyle?"

Mousse glanced at Shampoo for permission to speak and got a small nod in return. "The old monkey- Ow!" he said when Shampoo kicked his leg under the desks. "Elder Cologne told me it is the only way to keep Saotome," he said with a nod to the pigtailed girl, "from developing an unhealthy infatuation with me while her hormones are raging for some guy's boner." He took off his glasses adding, "It is difficult being so handsome or you might have fallen for some other guy poor in your class." He said that quite matter-of-factly, despite how he now looked even more regally feminine as a transvestite without his spectacles.

The entire class, without exception, paused in their eating and conversations to stare at their table. Across from her, Ranma looked very pale. Shampoo had her eyes narrowed, dangerously, on Mousse. Ukyou said, "Shampoo, Hon, I'm taking Ran-chan to the toilette. Please make sure Mousse can't talk for the rest of the day." Without another word, she got up and grabbed Ranma's wrist, hauling her to her feet and dragging her out the door, hoping to get far enough away before her best currently female friend erupted into violence.


	10. Fun with the Amazons

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Fun with the Amazons

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Shampoo wasn't just angry, she bordered on a scale of livid like she couldn't remember feeling ever before. She knew she wasn't good at Japanese like Mousse but she could follow it easier than speak and what Mousse had said sent waves of hot anger coursing through her limbs. No one else in this class full of weak city dwellers mattered enough to stem the rising tide of her temper. "Mousse," she barked sharply in their native dialect, "you overstep your bounds, _again!_ What is _wrong_ with you? Do you want to be a woman so badly?"

"Hey, it's Saotome who wants to be a woman," he replied, looking not nearly so confident as he had a moment ago.

"Put your glasses on, fool!" she bit out and he scrambled to obey. "I'm sick of your behavior! You say you are a man and you constantly proclaim me as your own despite never having issued a proper challenge! All you _do_," she said slamming a fist on the desktop, "is follow me around trying to learn the way of a woman. It is _my_ responsibility to protect our people, _my_ responsibility to learn our lore, and _my_ responsibility to bring new warriors into the tribe or uphold our honor! All you ever do is follow me around to learn everything a woman should know and here you complain when you are treated like one!" Mousse shrank back in his chair but she had both maces, figuratively, out and fully intended to use them. _"What_ is so wrong about being a man that you cannot accept your responsibilities? You learn Hidden Weapons, an armorer's job, but you can't be bothered to learn the smithing or the mining! Those are more important than volunteering to be a pack mule just so you can hang around with the warriors. _Elder_ Cologne tolerated your joining my studies and tolerated your further study of Japanese language but those days will end, soon, if you don't _make_ up your mind about which gender you are!"

Her childhood friend wet his lips, lightly pigmented as they were with lipstick, trying to work an answer to her rebuke. "I-I'm a man. I just don't want to be separated from you," he finally admitted.

Shampoo pursed her lips and ground her teeth in frustration. "It is forbidden for men to fight except in matters of family protection or our village's dire need. You know that. Men cannot be trusted to _stop_ when appropriate and men are far more valuable when they have _jobs!"_ she hinted rather strongly. "Hibiki the Pig learned the Breaking Point. He can _mine!_ He's strong enough and more than obsessive enough to make an excellent blacksmith but _you_ don't feel like it. Your father trained you to cook. My own father helped you, too, but you can't be bothered with it."

"I don't _like_ cooking-" Mousse objected.

Without letting him continue whining, Shampoo said, "_Fine_, don't cook. There are a lot of jobs for men, important jobs, all over the village. You can be a builder, farmer, herder, artisan of glass and metal; these are all things well suited for men with their gifts of strength and obstinacy! These are all things our village _needs_.

"What do you bring a wife?" she demanded, switching tactics. "You have no means of providing. With your education, all you can do is teach the children of other families what the women, themselves, can teach and don't you think for a moment other houses will pay handsomely for your skill in Japanese. No woman in her right mind will allow you to teach your fighting style to her daughter, much less her son. You already have a reputation for your disruptive ideas."

Mousse's face was colored with pent-up emotion. She could tell her lecture was breaking him but it was long past due. His breath hitched when he replied, "I don't _care_ about anyone else. I love you. I'll cook for you if you want." He paused and tears began to form. "I want to challenge you but I don't want to hurt you. If I could just beat-"

"He has nothing to do with you!" she interrupted. As startling as it was hearing him finally state he wished for a challenge match, the implication he had to be better than Ranma was plain foolishness. "My own father was a pathetic fighter, according to both he and my mother. He is one of the finest chefs our people have ever seen and studied long under my grandfather and great grandmother. He helped tailor the Nekohanten's menu for the Japanese customers before returning to my mother's side."

"It's not like he makes a lot of money. Why should _I_ have to?" Mousse asked, wiping his eyes with a knuckle under his glasses.

Sighing, she answered, "It is not as if Mother is short on gold. He goes with her and the women under her command on patrols and does the best he can with whatever they can catch. He finds the vegetables and spices, too. Mother says he can even force the high frozen rocky plains to produce a meal that tastes like home and that is no small thing after a long march or hot battle.

"I am the village champion," she said with some small bitterness. "I should already be leading small patrols near our home and guarding the herdsmen like any young woman with her first command. Instead, I am here, trying to make good on my stupid boasting." More sharply, she asked, "Do you not understand my position? I have already been punished for reneging on my Kiss of Death. If I fail on my Kiss of Marriage, how do you think that will look to the rest of our people? I will never be trusted to lead a large war party. My share of reward will be small, trapped as a leader of only the smallest groups, and my risk will be high because they know I am a capable warrior. I will be away from our village whenever I am not too heavy with child or too soon after giving birth. Without a good job to pay for your food, and that of our children, how could I, or my parents, consent to such a marriage?"

"I didn't think… It won't _be_ like that," Mousse countered. "I could live in your parents' house but that's not the point. I will be going _with_ you just like your father does with your mother."

"My parents will not tolerate a boy with no job, squatting in our house, training to be a warrior against all tradition and upsetting the rest of the respectable families while the rest of us are out defending our people, or _working!_ They will _not_ allow you to tag along with me. Elder Cologne is responsible for you being able to stay here, not me. If anything, Father will _require_ you to study under him and prove yourself as a cook before even _suggesting_ a match _might_ be possible between us to Mother. Don't you understand," she said, heatedly, "they are waiting to see what _you_ do as much as to see if I succeed in making good on my boasts."

Mousse settled lower in his chair, frowning under her glare. At least, it appeared something of what she said was sticking to the pea-sized duck-brain of his. He could not possibly defend his ambition toward her to her parents if he continued to ignore his duty as a man. He, instead, would be relying upon her fortune in winning Ranma's hand which, if that were the case, would naturally exclude him.

Shampoo took what relief she could in the fact that no one else in the classroom could understand their language.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After breakfast, Akane's father grilled her on what the Iroha poem stood for. She failed to satisfy him and he set her to further meditation leaving a single scroll in her care. That scroll was highly perverted but she meditated on it diligently, determined to succeed. That was why she was startled, quite thoroughly, when the door unexpectedly slid open wide and Master Happosai strut into the dojo.

"Akane-chan, lick those fingers clean. We're going on a training mission," he said as if nothing were wrong with barging into her meditation time like that.

"P-p-p-pervert!" she yelled, her face heating more than it already was from intense concentration.

"By the way, which of those do you like best?" he asked, ignoring her protest and walking over to her pile of textbooks and the scroll. She had little to say that would be in the least bit coherent. He whistled in appreciation at the open textbooks though his eyes hurriedly dismissed the shonen-ai, which caused a brief shiver of disgust. "Well, let's see how you're doing, Student," he said and launched himself into her bosom. "YES! SWEETO!" he crowed and Akane felt a jolt of ki pass between them.

After a moment, she shook off the disorientation enough to place an elbow-drop on his shiny pate. "Get off of me, pervert!"

Be bounced back from the floor and smirked while packing his pipe. "Not to worry, Akane-chan, you'll get the hang of it soon enough. Keep up the good work. Now, go get cleaned up so I can take you on your first training mission."

Akane moved to obey but stopped to gather her textbooks so she could hide them under the tokonoma. "Good thinking," Master said. "Don't want your sisters or Soun finding them or you might not get them back."

Refusing to understand what he was talking about, she ruthlessly clamped down on conscious thought and just put them away. When the floor was clean of training materials, if not exactly spotless, she asked, "Where are we going?"

Puffing thoughtfully on his pipe, Happosai answered, "I found a little store in an alley that specializes in textbooks like these. Kasumi-chan is packing us lunch so we can spend all day there if we have to." Akane froze trying to imagine what sort of place sold such smut and what sort of proprietors worked there. "I don't plan on being there more than a few hours, my dear. I've been meaning to visit St. Hebereke, again, and you might as well come along to see how it's done."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou pushed Ranma into the East women's lavatory, nearest on their floor, hoping to forestall her physical recrimination of Mousse's inappropriate comment. Everyone there noticed the only two girls in the school not wearing a uniform as per regulation. She shoved Ranma in front of an open sink just in time.

The pigtailed girl's voice started weak, almost a whisper, but, in the near silence that had settled over the small room, no one had trouble hearing. "That… that asshole. I can't believe he _said_ that."

"Mousse is a total jackass," Ukyou heartily agreed.

"What, what did Mousse say?" a familiar voice asked. Ukyou recognized one of Akane's girlfriends, Sasuga Sayuri patting her face dry with her handkerchief.

They heard the door bang open and Uotani Yuka ran in dodging around the corner. "Hey, guess what I ju- Oh. Shouldn't you guys be in the other… Never mind."

"What?" Sayuri asked again. "What happened?"

Ukyou turned the hot water on at the sink. It would never get hot, despite the marking. Either it was set that way for safety, or because the school was cheap but Ranma was in no danger of changing genders unless someone brought tea in here. "Wash your face, Ran-chan. It'll help you cool off." Thankfully, Ranma followed her instructions without a fuss. In fact, she took her sweet time at it while Ukyou and Yuka explained Mousse's egotistical assertion that Ranma was hot for his body, over his own protests. The other first-years there from different classes listened attentively while Ranma continued washing her face.

"Hang on," Sayuri impatiently said. "You mean that after Mousse _groped you_ last Friday and you kicked him in his privates, he thinks you suddenly have the _hots_ for him?" she asked in disbelief.

Ranma nodded and turned off the water, pulling her handkerchief out of a pocket to begin drying her face.

Ukyou said, "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Wait, what about that guy from Saturday?" Yuka asked. Ranma unexpectedly shook her head and went on to stare at the floor.

"Huh? Ran-chan, I thought you were helping out Asami-san," Ukyou said, skirting around the boyfriend issue. Ranma shook her head, again, still staring at the floor.

"Was he your boyfriend?" one girl asked. "Did you two break up?"

"He, ah, he left this morning?" Ranma answered.

Ukyou explained, "Asami Kyouya is a merman ambassador. Ran-chan was helping him adjust to life on the land." Shifting her gaze to Ranma she added, "I didn't know he left." There was a round of exclamations about how Ranma's apparent boyfriend was, ever so romantically, an influential foreigner. Ukyou remembered the beach and suddenly things began to make more sense. "Hey, is that why Tendo-san is grounded? She broke his neck but good even if he was able to get up and run from the beach."

"Akane-chan's grounded?" Yuka gasped.

"That's why she isn't here, today?" Sayuri asked.

Ranma tugged at the end of her pigtail, still staring at the floor. "I don' really know why. She was already grounded when I showed up there this mornin." Ukyou cleared her throat to draw her attention and shot a questioning glance. "I stayed with Kyouya last night. He… left early this morning."

"Well, you could always write, hon," Ukyou suggested. Ranma gave her pigtail a yank and turned back to the sink to wash her face, again. Ukyou connected the dots later than Yuka and Sayuri did. Akane's friends began rubbing Ranma's back while she leaned over the sink.

"I'm sure Akane didn't mean it," Yuka murmured.

Ukyou frantically thought about how to get Ranma back on track and more like her old self. Short-term memory had its uses. "What are we going to do about Mousse, Ran-chan?"

"Is she going to get arrested?" Sayuri asked sounding more than a little subdued. Ranma leaned on her elbows and shook her head in the negative. Sayuri relaxed, somewhat, but continued rubbing Ranma's back.

"Wasn't all her fault," Ranma said into the sink as the water ran. "It turned out he wasn't goin' t' be around much longer, anyway."

"Hello, Mousse, remember? What are we going to do to that jackass in revenge?" Ukyou asked more forcefully. Some of the girls discretely hanging around decided it was time to leave. Ukyou noted people had been coming in to use the facilities but had been lingering once they were done and it was turning into a crowd.

Ranma dried her face for the second time and told them, "Duck-brain said Cologne told him he had to dress up like a girl to keep me from falling in love with his sorry ass. I don't believe that for a sec' but I might believe she made up some crap to get him in a dress."

"That's right," Ukyou returned, "That old gal _said_ she'd think up somethin' to teach 'im a lesson for all his comments on gay people. She also said she'd need our help." Sending a smirk to Ranma, she asked, "So what kind o' help should we give?"

Sayuri and Yuka listened avidly and soon began to add their own suggestions. Before lunch was over, they decided to enlist Konatsu's help in teaching Mousse to be a proper lady. Ranma adamantly refused to help, there, because she could not even stand to talk to him at that moment. However, there was Shampoo to consider, too. Ukyou and Ranma agreed to do their best to teach Shampoo how to act like a man.

The week began to fly by for Ukyou and her new hobby of chiding and conniving Shampoo into picking up male affectations. She helped with clothing and image while Ranma helped with attitude and teaching the Joketsu woman some colloquial male slang not really fit for polite company. It didn't take Ukyou, or Ranma, long to figure out Shampoo was pretending to be a man to help her win the fiancée war, which was almost as insulting as Mousse's comments.

On Tuesday, they launched Operation Pluck Duck bringing Konatsu to class and setting him up next to Mousse. Konatsu had no qualms whatsoever to subtly stuffing the bird with misinformation about hetero and homo-sexual behaviors and encouraging Mousse to adopt more feminine vanities to further dissuade Ranma's occasional, though wholly false, looks of interest.

Ukyou often went home laughing with Konatsu about it. Ranma took to wearing her female school uniform to class every day and acted like a love-struck school-girl whenever Shampoo did particularly well at being masculine. She did the same to Mousse whenever he slipped up in his feminine act, or when Konatsu needed a little backup in getting Mousse to do something even more embarrassing.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma didn't really see much of Akane the first couple of days that week. His fiancée remained shuttered within the dojo practicing her family's secret techniques. He _did_ notice that she and Happosai seemed to be getting along; certainly better than Ranma would with the old freak. Akane's father just plain cried a lot, which Ranma found understandable given the amount of groping Happosai was surely giving his daughter but Soun always stopped Ranma from offering any assistance in dealing with the ancient pervert and warned him from spying on the dojo.

Instead, Ranma sparred with his father on the Tendo lawn or hung out with his mother at her apartment. However, one thing he did keep from his parents; the extended and somewhat malicious practical joke on the Amazons. There was no way to keep it from Nabiki and Ranma was halfway sure Kasumi at least suspected. As luck would have it, Nabiki was amused by the whole thing and organized some secret pools among the more discrete students. The middle Tendo even promised to loan Ranma her swimsuit back if she cooperated and told what new indignity she and Ukyou were planning for the enemy duo.

And Ranma was female most of the day for the rest of the week while plotting with Ukyou and carrying out their nefarious schemes, that was her little penalty in the game. Without the key to Green Hills apartments' room 205 on the horrifying Sanpio Neko keychain, Ranma might not have pulled off her end of the prank. Every morning, he left early for school before Nabiki, who knew what he was up to, and without Akane, who would, hopefully, never know and headed toward school just far enough to get out of sight before going to Kyouya's old apartment. On the way there, he took a small detour to use the bathhouse he and Kyouya had come to an understanding in the previous week. She washed using perfumed soap and shampoo before heading for Kyouya's apartment to change.

Ranma also moved much of her underwear and other female clothing there, not just so it would be handy but because she suspected Happosai of raiding and fondling it. His boxers, he paid little attention to when they were shoved around in the closet drawer. After all, who would care about them?

Every day before school, a properly dressed and made-up Furinkan High School girl respectfully greeted Ishihara Keiko, the landlady, in part for the lady's permission to use Kyouya's old apartment and in part as a warm-up for the act she was performing in school. Even Ukyou and Konatsu were getting into the act. Ukyou played the bishi to the hilt, dusting off her old skills to show Shampoo how a true gentleman could charm the ladies. Konatsu helped Mousse in a similar way and Ranma enjoyed making them both work harder at it.

After school, instead of going home, goofing off, or training as he normally would, Ranma returned to the apartment complex and had afternoon tea with the landlady. Ishihara-landlady inadvertently reminded her over tea, Wednesday, that a girl could always make a lunch for a boy she liked. A few treats would also help win favors.

So it was, Thursday afternoon, only one week after she'd met Kyouya, Ranma decided to make some sweets, dainty little girly ones to tease Mousse and Shampoo with, but had no ingredients in the kitchenette.

"Where'd I put it?" she muttered to herself before looking under the folded up futon against the wall. "Aha!" There was the envelope with the money Yuuno Chiaki promised. Ranma carefully tore the end off of the white envelope and billowed out the sides peered within. Inside was a small slip of paper folded up and she had a brief stab of fear at having been swindled. The fear went away the moment she pulled out the letter.

"Dear Saotome-san," it said, "By the time you read this next Thursday, your new bank account at Mitsudaiyakei Bank will be ready for you. Make sure you go as a young man and bring your student ID as proof of identity. An adult signature is not required. Your account number is at the bottom but they will not require it, either. Best wishes and good fortune, Yamachu Masunori, et al."

Ranma puzzled over the letter but it seemed legitimate. The bank was part of the famous, almost infamous, large, family-run heavy industrial conglomerate. The family mon, or crest, was comprised three parallelograms arranged in a simple pyramid of slanted gold bars harking back many generations. It wouldn't surprise her in the least if, some five generations from now, a family crest involved three doughnuts and was as revered as the imperial chrysanthemum. She shrugged and started changing out of her school uniform. There was laundry to do, anyway.

She started the washer with her two blouses and sets of underwear and slipped into her comfortable boxers and gender-neutral clothes. She trotted down the stairs and called, "I'll be back later, Ishihara-landlady," going past the woman's apartment with its door open to better observe all the comings and goings on. Ranma had carried her larger shoes from the apartment to the front door and scuffed them on before going out and heading down the street.

A Mitsudaiyakei Bank was very close by. There was one only two thirds, or so, of a block south toward the local shopping district. In fact, it probably wasn't far at all from the Beef Bowl. She started looking for some hot water and caught sight of a tiny bar built out from a shallow space between buildings. It had a large, red awning hanging out with a generic nori declaring sake in white hiragana. Despite the awning's size, an obvious attempt to claim the sidewalk as its domain, the bar was only wide enough to seat four people and one would block the entrance as the entire business seemed no more than two meters deep. There were two retired-looking patrons there already.

She walked up and smiled at the grizzled middle-aged man behind the counter. "May I please have a little cup of hot water?" she asked in the most polite and cute manner she could. The practice at school and with the landlady this past week had taught her a few rudimentary phrases that would not automatically piss people off.

He handed her a cup of hot water and a smile. She smiled back and upended some over her head before handing him back the cup. Ranma smiled in even better humor when he saw the wizened bartender-owner's jaw go slack opening his mouth in a small "o". The pepper-haired customer at the far end slid half off his stool and slopped beer down his shirt before catching himself. Ranma decided to get going before risking a more personal beer accident with the guy in the seat nearer to him who eyed his own pilsner in suspicion.

The bank was an anticlimactic, straightforward affair. Ranma waited in line to tell them he had an account and wanted money. He showed them just the account number at the bottom of the letter. The lady at the counter looked it up and pointed to a seat asking him to wait for an account manager to help activate it. Then, he waited, and waited, and finally, another lady showed up and they retired to her tiny cubicle.

Ranma thought it made her important to have her own space in a bank and that she must be pretty well off. He even told her so. She smiled the strained kind of smile Kasumi gave when he asked if supper was ready, yet, so he shut up and waited while she looked over his student identification card. She did some typing on a dingy beige keyboard stained with who-knows-what while looking at an equally decrepit television. He picked at the cuff of his pant leg and cracked his knuckles before settling on playing with his pigtail.

"I don't have my hanko with me," he offered in a lame attempt to broach the silence. "I think my pop has it somewhere."

After an interminably long wait, she reached into a drawer and pulled out a small, fancy booklet with the bank's name and symbols printed in gold leaf on fancy paper. She promptly opened it to the first page and stuffed it in the hungry maw of a great, noisy printer like they had in the school offices. The thing chewed at the book like a rip-saw. She pulled it out when it had finished and flipped a page. 'Man, I hope there aren't many pages,' he thought in anxiety but the printer ripped off one short, but violent-sounding line and she pulled it out, turning it back to the first page and began pointing out the various lines of information written there.

He agreed with all that stuff being him, promised to bring it back so they could register his inkan, or seal, sometime, and nodded in incomprehension at the long account number before she turned the page. "Five hundred thousand!" he exclaimed, though not loudly. "Oh, shit, I'm _rich."_ He took the newly minted bankbook and examined the fancy, watermarked paper more closely. The outside of the cover had a rich blue texture that looked and felt like leather and the bank's name and symbols were in fine gold leaf. It made the diamonds look like pointy bars of gold. "I bet they only give this to really wealthy people," he murmured to himself. The lady gave him another of those smiles and stood to let him know their business was concluded.

"Saotome-sama, you may now make any deposits or withdrawals you wish if you have sufficient funds, honored customer. We, here at Mitsudaiyakei are proud to have you as our customer and will serve you faithfully," she said and bowed deeply.

Ranma had never been so honored. "Thank you very much, Big Sister," he said returning her bow just as deeply having already forgotten her name. She winced a bit so he tried harder. "Anyway, thanks a bunch! I'll never go hungry again with this much money." Her smile drooped before she propped it back up. "If you ever need someone to take care of some robbers, or something, let me know, I'm an awesome fighter; jus' call over to Tendo-ke."

The woman blanched at that last comment. Ranma decided to use the Final Attack rather than risk worsening things with the Crouch of the Wild Tiger. He hastily bowed again and turned to rejoin the line to the counter, which had grown longer since he last saw it. 'Crap.'

With five thousand yen burning a hole in his pocket, Ranma went grocery shopping. Rice, rice flour, wheat flour, sweet bean paste, dried seaweed, sugar, egg, food coloring, tiny hot dogs, girly-looking pastel-printed handkerchiefs for presentation; the list went on but he eventually left the store almost as light as before going to the bank. 'This stuff's _expensive_,' he ruefully considered. Still, it would get eaten, most of it. He only wished he wouldn't have to give it away but sharing the treats he makes, or she because she'll probably be a girl the whole time making them in case she needs any help from the landlady, is part of the act to get revenge on the Amazons. Honestly, he knew he benefited a lot from Ukyou's compulsive need to cook and Shampoo's constant bribery. It was probably past time he paid them back a little, as painfully hard as giving food away may be.

He considered asking the sake shop owner for a glass of cool water on his way back but decided not to press his luck, there. A small grocery on the way back to the apartment was selling fruit. Bunches of green grapes lying out on a heap of ice shavings attracted his attention. He stuck his hand in the ice before she selected a smaller bunch to purchase wondering if she could make some fancy bento with them, or just snack while making mochi for tomorrow.

Either way, she made it back to the Green Hills apartments without incident. "I'm back," she called, gathering her now oversized shoes in her hands. The landlady came out to greet her and brought a promised page of notes on how to make delicious and cute goodies. Ranma happily got to work after taking care of personal business and hanging her laundry to dry.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kasumi's nerves were strung tight all week. Guilt wracked her conscience. 'Here I have Ono-sensei finally confess to me with Ranma-chan's help and now…' The relationship, ever difficult and tenuous between her little sister and the young Saotome, seemed as if it would fall apart any minute. She had not forgotten that Ranma had an omiai coming up this weekend and yet here it was, Thursday night already. Ranma was nowhere to be found. He took off early in the morning and came home later in the evening in ever-improving spirits after the debacle last Sunday afternoon and her loss of that boy she'd been seeing. 'Has he, or she, found someone else?' That would certainly hurt Akane.

Her youngest sister was the other half of the problem. Kasumi was not the least bit fooled by her father's and grandfather Happosai's rather weak attempts at couching the perversions they were teaching to her little sister in martial arts terms. 'I wonder what they're _really_ teaching.' She did not, however, wonder too hard. Every thought along those lines led back to Ono Tofu. She would have to take more definitive action, soon, to knock loose more of his silly notions. 'Bless you, Ranma-chan, for showing me that the direct approach is best. Subtlety bought me _nothing_ these past two years. His mother certainly doesn't dance around issues,' she thought, remembering how the woman measured hips for child-bearing potential.

Pausing for a break from drying the dishes, she heard Akane in the hall ask Nabiki, "Have you seen Ranma?"

Kasumi expected an oblique answer from her wise-cracking younger sister but Nabiki seemed to be in excellent humor, tonight. "Oh, he's probably plotting some new way to humiliate the Amazons. I'm sure _she'll_ be back soon."

There was a short lull in conversation while her youngest sister digested the information. "She? You mean Ranma?"

Kasumi could veritably hear the smirk in Nabiki's voice. "Oh, yes. You've been grounded all week. How's that going, by the way? No, don't answer." Wiping her hands on a towel, she was on fire with curiosity. When Nabiki drew out explanations while in a fine humor like this, it was always for something big.

"Nabiki-chan," she interrupted, "do you mind if we take this upstairs? I'm afraid I am curious, now, too." The answering grin told her it would be a good story, indeed. The three of them walked upstairs lead by Nabiki.

"Not my room," Akane quickly qualified setting off yet another alarm in Kasumi's head over her baby sister's training. "It's a mess."

"Are you still sleeping in the dojo?" she asked Akane, following as Nabiki led them to her room.

Between her and Nabiki, Akane nodded. "Yeah, so my room is messy. Don't worry, I'll clean it up but don't go in."

Kasumi said nothing. Nabiki, too, stayed away from the subject. "So, Nabiki-chan, what has been going on at school?" Kasumi asked once her sister settled on the middle of her bed and crossed her legs to set Indian-style. Taking Nabiki's desk chair, Kasumi sat and waited expectantly while Akane claimed a corner of the bed propping one foot on the floor and curling her other leg up underneath.

Her sister smiled with a shark-like grin. "Monday morning, Shampoo and Mousse both showed up at school wearing Furinkan uniforms but get this, they were both cross-dressing." Kasumi gaped. Those strange Chinese kids have the oddest ideas about marriage and dating. "The way I heard it, Cologne put them both up to it and pretty much the first thing out of Mousse's mouth was that it was Ranma's fault for wanting Mousse like that," she said. Nabiki made motions using one index finger moving through the circle of the other and that hand's thumb. Kasumi gasped, again. It was about as rude as anyone could get.

"Did he mean girl-Ranma or boy-Ranma?" Akane asked, thoroughly confusing Kasumi.

"Does it matter?" Nabiki asked in return. "No, don't answer that."

"Oh, dear, I hope Ranma-kun didn't hurt him too badly," Kasumi said to get the story back on track.

Grinning broadly, Nabiki said, "Not at all, sis. My girls tell me Kuonji-kun pulled Ranma-chan into the women's bathroom where they hatched a plot to screw with Mousse and Shampoo's heads. This whole week it's been awesome!"

Kasumi found herself on the edge of her seat listening as Nabiki described Ranma-chan's revenge. It was evil and exhilarating. Akane was literally bouncing on the edge of the bed in vindictive excitement. "And Ninomiya-sensei's okay with it?" Akane asked.

Nabiki held her hands out and shrugged. "Saotome-kun has been acting like a model student. Well, maybe not that great but at least she acts like a normal student. I wouldn't give odds on her grades improving but the teachers don't care as long as the room stays in one piece. They're probably celebrating every day that they have, what, _five_ forces of destruction behaving themselves?"

Kasumi easily conceded the point. "That _does_ sound like fun," she allowed, secretly wishing she could see it, herself.

She caught Nabiki's sly glance before the middle sister suggested, "I could always forget my lunch."

"Perhaps, well, if you do, I will just have to bring one over," she replied. "Please remind Ranm-chan not to forget his, either." Nabiki smirked in answer.

"Oooooh! I want to go back to school!" Akane complained in frustration.

Unable to resist the barb, Kasumi chided, "Now, Akane-chan, I am sure Ranma-chan can defend herself from any inappropriate touching." She was rewarded with a moment of expected silence followed by Akane's quite unexpected retreat from Nabiki's room. The two of them remained, quietly listening while their little sister ran downstairs and accosted their father, demanding to go back to school, tomorrow.

"Oh dear, I think you'd better warn Ranma-kun," she said.

"Why?" Nabiki asked but caved almost right away. "Oh, all right. It's not like it will change the odds any."

The three of them cornered Ranma that evening when she returned. Kasumi smelled the cooking on her and other signs of kitchen activity but Ranma discretely excused herself for a long hot bath before bed.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The next morning, Ranma was puzzled. He went downstairs, hearing Kasumi just starting breakfast in the kitchen, and left his father snoring loudly. "Hey, Kasumi-san," he began to announce his presence. What he had to ask was somewhat personal and could be taken as an insult.

"Yes, Ranma-chan?" she prompted, pausing in her preparations.

"Um, it's… I'm running low on underwear. Have you, ah, seen… Do I have any others in the wash? I can wear 'em used. It's no big deal. I have yesterday's."

The eldest Tendo woman looked thoughtful a moment and said, "If you don't mind. I'll sort the laundry and see if I can find your shorts this morning. Are you off early again?"

Ranma nodded as much in relief as in agreement. "I have to go get ready for school," he replied. Now that all of the Tendo women knew about the practical joke he, Ukyou and Konatsu were pulling on Mousse and Shampoo, leaving early was less awkward.

"Have fun at school, today, Ranma-chan," Kasumi called after him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kasumi listened to Ranma as he left the house. After he left, she quietly said to herself, "Oh, my, Ranma-chan forgot his lunch." Another thought chased that one away and Kasumi found herself walking out to the dojo in the cool, pre-dawn air.

"Akane-chan," she called, knocking on the shoji. "Akane-chan, you didn't stay up too late last night… practicing, did you?"

A slow shuffling inside preceded her sister's slurred reply. "I'm awake. What's up, sis?"

"I just wanted to let you know Ranma-chan has gone to get ready for school."

"Oh. Okay."

"He mentioned he's short on some of his laundry. I don't suppose you could take a few moments to look for his underwear. You've been helping me but perhaps it wasn't sorted properly," she suggested.

"Oh! Right!" came her sister's much more alert reply. "It's probably just misplaced. Don't worry, I'll look for it."

"Do you need any help?" Kasumi asked, unable to resist another shot at teasing her sister.

"NO! I mean, I can do it. It's no big deal. They probably just fell behind the washing machine, or something."

"All right, I'll leave it to you, then," Kasumi said, shaking her head on the way back to the kitchen.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma arrived at school in the nick of time. That morning he decided to hit the drinking fountain to change genders and take her bath in Kyouya's old apartment using her newly purchased fancy soaps and lost track of time. It was the yellow bow she put in her hair this morning after taking out her pigtail that used most of the buffer of time she's planned on. It was darned hard to get the thing even and lined up. She thought, ruefully, that she should have sprung for the pre-made bow on the elastic band back when he was shopping, yesterday afternoon.

'Oh well,' she thought, heading for her shoebox containing the loaner pair Nabiki scavenged for her. She put her bag of dainty snacks in the shoebox temporarily while she changed shoes. The bag was wrapped in a yellow and white checked kerchief. She couldn't bring herself to use the red one with white hearts, yet.

"Ranma?"

She turned around to find Akane gaping at her. A flush slowly spread between them. "Ahehehe," Ranma laughed nervously, tugging on her short ponytail.

Akane looked even more nervous for a moment but pulled her into a tight hug. "Oh, Ranma-chan, that looks so _cute_ on you." Ranma was not so much shocked by the words as she was shocked by the hand on her bottom. Akane took advantage and licked her ear.

"Ahem!" Nabiki said stepping into view. Akane stepped back leaving Ranma in mental disorder and Ranma belatedly remembered her shoes and finished the exchange, taking back up her bag of homemade wagashi. "What've you got there, Ranma-chan?" Nabiki asked when Ranma joined them in the hall, directing her gaze at the sack.

"Eh, I made some cute little snacks for the class. I figured…" Ranma looked around to make sure the Amazon pair weren't within listening distance. She leaned close in a whisper to say, "I figured on trying to decide between Mousse and Shampoo, who was the more manly of them."

Nabiki surprised her with giggle. "You'll make a fine Tendo one day. Keep up the good work, Saotome. See you for lunch and don't hand them out until after Kasumi gets here." With that, Nabiki was off, heading upstairs to her class.

Ranma and Akane quickly proceeded to their homeroom, too, and found Ukyou, Shampoo, and Mousse there, already. Ukyou was looking exceptionally handsome in her roguish sort of way. Shampoo wore her hair in a long ponytail very similar to Ukyou's but just could not quite manage a more male figure or face. Both wore the male winter uniform with straight-collared jacket. In the back, Mousse was pretending to polish his nails but his scowl destroyed his image. He still wore his hair in twin, French braids but had added pale blue bows around the ends. It brought Ranma nearly endless joy to see his face twist in disgust before assuming a look of pleased infatuation with his nails. 'He's going to file them into daggers if he doesn't file them clean off,' she thought and waved to him first and then to Konatsu sitting beside Mousse.

Konatsu happily waved back from his seat in the last row next to Mousse. The kunoichi wore the women's uniform as easily as Ranma, if not more so, in contrast to Mousse who was still getting used to the idea.

Ranma missed most of the electric exchange between Shampoo and Akane and couldn't be happier at having done so. Akane reclaimed her desk just in time for Ninomiya Hinako-sensei's arrival. Ranma quickly took her place and joined the class greeting. Settling into her seat, Ranma gently shoved the bag of sweets deep into her desk realizing almost too late they were as good as gone if the teacher caught sight of them. Hinako had a sweet tooth and anything with sugar could be declared contraband and confiscated without hope of return.

Little Hinako-sensei's brows knit together and she walked down the aisle toward the back. Ranma moved to shield her buried snacks from the candy detector but their teacher was after Shampoo. Hinako pulled her sucker from her mouth with an audible pop. "Xian-kun," she said abruptly, "you will sit on the other side of Mu-kun, beside the window." Her cherry-pop wand waved imperiously but it seemed that was all it took to restore discipline.

Gosunkugi Hikaru and Kuno Tatewake proved her wrong when Kuno burst into the room half-carrying a glaring Hikaru before dumping the sickly young man at his desk three rows from the front and along the hallway wall. "Saotome, you cad! This theft of our gravure shall not go unpun- Pigtailed girl!" Hinako didn't even bother to ask and drained them both, much to Ranma's relief. Her sort-of-friend, Daisuke, even volunteered to drag Kuno into the hall but refrained from outright flirting with Ranma knowing their teacher was short on patience and long on parochial punishment. Class was blessedly uneventful until homeroom English was over.

"Saotome, I know it was you," Hikaru gasped between periods. Ranma rolled her eyes, dug one of the pieces of chalk out of her desk collection and winged it at him. It left a satisfying white smear in his black hair. "Ouch! Stop that," he said and fished his plastic headband with candle holders out of his book bag. Ranma went for another bit of broken chalk while Hikaru complained and assembled his sorcery tools. "You broke into my house Sunday night and stole all of my picture books! Now I can't cast my love spells on Tendo Akane-san! I _demand_ you return them and all the other books you stole. You almost crippled me with your brutal attack!"

"I have no idea what you're talkin' about. I was with Kyouya that night," she replied. The room instantly quieted and Ranma realized that she might not have presented that argument in the best light. "I m-mean, I was with Kyouya but not _with_ him; not like you're thinkin' 'cause that wouldn't be right. It was his last night so I couldn't just go home but we didn't really _do_ anything." Ranma's brain caught up at last to her runaway mouth. "I'll just… shut up, now."

"Yeah, good idea, Ran-chan, 'cept I wanna hear the whole story over lunch," Ukyou put in. Several other girls, besides Akane and Shampoo, agreed.

Hikaru, however, refused to drop the subject. "I want my gravures and my photographs back! Kuno-sempai had _his_ stolen by you, too. Who _knows_ who else has been victimized by you?"

Hiroshi held his hand up. "My stash went missing then."

"Really, you too?" Daisuke asked in surprise.

"Saotome stole them all!" Hikaru maintained.

Ranma did not like how this battle of the nitwits was going. "Do I even want to _know_ what was on those pictures?" she asked.

"Sure, why not. I'll have my brother pick up some more," Hiroshi offered.

"No… No, I don't think so," Daisuke countered. He caught Hiroshi's gaze and shook his head rapidly.

Ranma knew just enough about their habits and personal lives to know she didn't want, or need, to know much more. "Guys, I didn't do it an' if I did, I'd probably find stuff I'd have t' kill you for." She shifted her attention back to Gosunkugi. "If you even _mention_ this again, I'll hurt you and you don't even want to _think_ about describing your stuff. I had better _not_ have been in your collection." Hikaru backed down readily enough after that threat and Ranma thought it an ominous sign of guilt. It was strange how quiet Akane was, though. The accusations subsided and little knots of speculation took their place but Ranma expected her Tendo fiancée to be the first one out to punish perverts rather than sit, silent and unmoving.

By the time lunch rolled around, the school rumor mill was ablaze with speculation on which of the people in the district they knew was the thief. Several of the young men admitted to having magazines and photographs missing from their homes. If not for Kuno and Gosunkugi making their accusations public, everyone else might have thought theirs was an isolated case, not that there were _that_ many cases but there were some high profile ones, such as Kuno Tatewaki. Ranma started as one of the targets of choice because she was doing such an excellent job at pretending to be a girl until she pointed out they'd all forgotten Happosai. That seemed to settle the matter even if it reinforced the impression Tendo-ke was the root of all perversion. Hiroshi had the uncommonly poor sense of self preservation to suggest there might be a mountain of treasure hidden within the Tendo grounds. He apologized after Akane's rapid and brutal physical rebuttal.

Most of the class and all of the martial artists decided to head outside for lunch. Ranma, gently pulling her sack of wagashi from the dark, seldom-explored recesses of her desk, followed Akane and met Nabiki at the gate, which was locked tight. Neither students, nor teachers, were happy about that. Ranma entertained thoughts of helping Kasumi, approaching outside, over the wall but didn't like how the security cameras on the hinges at the top of the gate swiveled to follow her movements. They were badly hidden in the open laughing mouth of a bust of Principal Kuno. The heads twisted as the whirring motors tracked them.

"Oh dear, this is unfortunate," Kasumi said meeting them on the other side of the bars.

No one made a move so Ranma took it upon herself to _touch_ the bars and see if it was safe. She closed one eye, cringed, and steeled herself before stretched out a lone index finger. The second her finger touched one of the bars, Nabiki said, "BZZZT~!"

"Yiiaaaaa!" Ranma screamed and jerked her finger back before realizing she'd been had. "N-Nabiki!" The Tendo women laughed. It was quite unfair but Kasumi made up for it by handing them their lunches through the gate after sitting down on the other side, inviting them to do the same. Soon, all the rest of their friends showed up and it eased the impression that it was visiting hours in the zoo or penitentiary.

After most everyone finished eating, Ranma was relatively slow but still first, followed closely by Konatsu, then Shampoo, Kasumi asked, "Did you make something to share, Ranma-chan?" It was an extraordinarily blunt hint from the eldest Tendo and Ranma had no trouble taking her meaning.

"Ah, that is…" Closing her eyes, Ranma took a slow breath to collect her thoughts and picked up the sack. Smiling brightly, she opened her eyes and focused them on the yellow and white checked kerchief bulging with sweets. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to catch Mousse's.

He flinched satisfyingly but said, "Oh, my! Saotome Ranma-chan, you mean _I_ should help you pick a _manly_ man so you can give _him_ your gift and he can give _you_ a big, fat-"

Konatsu interrupted before Ranma could decide how to roast the turkey. "Mousse-chan, you are such a gentleman to offer Saotome-sama your help."

Shampoo coughed into her hand and posed, leaning sideways propping herself up with one arm and using one knee to prop the other arm at the wrist. She looked like an indolent playboy and threw her head back to gaze at the clouds. She'd clearly been practicing by using some bishonen poster or magazine models as guides. "I would like to eat your food," she said as if she'd learned it by rote.

"I… I don't know," Ranma said sounding uncertain in as cute a voice as she could manage. "Mousse-kun offered his help so nicely." She put an index finger under her chin and tried to look intellectual about it.

An unusual sound, like a stifled gasp, came from Kasumi. Ranma glanced her way quickly and found the older woman biting a finger and trying to hide it in fussing with her skirts. Ranma relented. "I think maybe I should share them with everyone," she decided and began working the knot.

"And you made these, Ranma-chan?" Kasumi asked while Ranma unfolded the four corners and began arranging the pile of little treats. A couple wagashi were broken but that wouldn't be a problem. She half-hoped that more than that would be damaged so no one would want them. "They look very nice," Kasumi added. "Was this your first time making them? You did very well."

Ranma basked in the compliment while most everyone except Mousse and Konatsu got up to crowd around and see but felt obligated to explain. "I, um, ate all the ones that weren't good looking. These two are broken so I'll just eat them," she declared and followed words with action. The wagashi were shaped like flowers with seven petals, for the most part, of white, pink, yellow, orange, and purple with a small disk of one of the other colors in the center. A few were simple trapezoids of various colors with a contrasting stripe overlaid on top. Not all were straight parallelograms but they were equally edible.

Akane helped stack them into a smaller pile and slid the laden kerchief over an overturned lid to one of the bento Kasumi brought and Ranma used it like a tray. She served the Tendo women first but lingered suggestively around Mousse and Shampoo before Konatsu and Ukyou, then carried them around to her various other friends sitting with her on the concrete sidewalk by the gate.

When the wagashi were gone, she returned to the gate and tucked her skirts to sit, once again, with the Tendo women. She didn't know why, though. Akane clearly didn't see her the way Ranma wished. 'I don't _fit_ in their family.' He eyes drifted to the spot where Kyouya came to pick her up last Saturday and a sweet melancholy enveloped her amongst the chattering lunch crowd and compliments on her attempt at cooking.

That was when Kuno Tatewaki came barreling out of the school yelling, "I have heard the blessed tale that my tree-borne kettle-girl hath indulged in a labor of love and I come to partake of it! Pray, tell if such a flower yet exists that I may suck at its nectar as a bee might-"

Akane leapt to her feet and interceded before Ranma could decipher his latest nonsense, not that Ranma was eager for any understanding of a Kuno. "Sempai, Ranma-chan made those treats for her _friends,_ you moron!"

"Fierce Tigress, blessed am I for your firy love and doubly so that both you and the pigtailed girl might shine down upon me the sun and the moon-"

"Nice timing Kuno-chan," Nabiki said, cutting him off the moment. "I'd like you to meet Mousse-chan." The Joketsu male in drag looked up from his silent grousing in alarm, giving Tatewaki a moment for recognition.

"Why hath none informed me of this, before?" Kuno exclaimed then bellowed, "Sasuke!"

The smallest Kuno servant appeared with a bow. "Young Master." Meanwhile Mousse adjusted his glasses and, sensing trouble, rose to his feet to begin discretely backing away.

"The churlish foreign waiter of yon noodle establishment, Nekohanten, has a sister. Behold her grace and stature! Go, now, and purchase a dozen roses, nay, _two_ dozen, but do not take them from my demented sister's garden, whilst I formally introduce myself!" Ranma gaped. Nabiki smirked. Akane looked ready for a fight despite the confused expression on her face. Kasumi watched with an amused smile while Konatsu, Shampoo, and Ukyou grinned. It appeared no one would help Mousse out of this predicament and that was just fine with Ranma. Kuno declared, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Kuno Tatewaki, Golden Sword of Furinkan High School, third-year. If you can defeat me," he said drawing his wooden sword, "I will permit you to date me, my bookish princess!"

Mousse shocked the entire assembly by reaching down and under the skirt of his jumper to pull out his old staff with its duck-shaped potty trainer. Ranma dropped her face into her hands, embarrassed for martial artists everywhere. Nabiki sprung up and ran back toward the building to start arranging a new line of wagers for the students and staff of Furinkan. Akane and Shampoo started an argument over whether it was proper to leave Mousse in that situation.

"No one deserves that," Akane said, voice rising above the growing din.

"Your challenge is duly noted and accepted, my elegant bookish princess. I come!" Kuno yelled, trying to end the fight early by slipping into Mousse's guard while opening his own to help draw out the dance.

A hand gave Ranma's shoulder a light squeeze. She turned to find Kasumi reaching through the bars wearing a wan smile. "Ranma-chan, Akane has always been excitable but she _is_ growing up. I can tell she's grown since you came to our house. She just does not know how to how to properly express herself once she begins obsessing over something and becomes a violent maniac. Right now, she's obsessing over you. Do try to keep that in mind when you go to your omiai, tomorrow."

Caught by surprise, Ranma fought for a reply. "I don't-" she lapsed in her protest. Kasumi rose to her feet, Ranma close after. 'Don't what?' she wondered, 'don't like Akane anymore, don't feel like I'm more than a guest at your house, don't still like Kyouya or wish he was still alive…' Her expression clouded and threatened rain once more. Kasumi caught her hand through the bars and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I don't know how much more of this I can take," she admitted to Kasumi in a subdued voice. The emotional wear had rubbed her heart raw.

The ruckus behind was spreading, yet Ranma felt strangely distanced from it. There was nothing of any value to be gained or anything to prove in joining a fight between Kuno Tatewaki and Mousse, or any of the others. Kasumi, too, ignored the various lunch-period contests erupting. "Ranma-chan," she said gently, "if you want to be a Tendo, you are going to have to learn to say, 'I don't lose.' Akane doesn't want to lose you so she's been learning perversion from Father and Grandfather Happosai. When she approaches you, she will probably botch the job because it is so important to her. Please take care not to reject her unless you really mean to break off your engagement. That would hurt her so badly she might break like Father."

Ranma gaped after Kasumi. The eldest sister began the walk home but turned, adding over her shoulder, "Please ask Akane-chan to bring the bento boxes home with her," and left the gate to cross the street. Saotome Ranma knelt and gathered her empty kerchief along with the lunch boxes. The sidewalk by the gate was now empty. Ukyou and Konatsu were harrying Shampoo and Mousse in their battle with Akane and Tatewaki. Everyone else seemed to be observing the fights or making wagers on their outcomes. Instead, she headed back inside, changing her shoes for the loaner indoor pair, and returned to her classroom, depositing the empty lunch boxes on Akane's desk. It felt strange sitting at her desk in her classroom with those guys and girls who hadn't left, or, like her, came back in early. It was a crowd she never knew existed.

The next lecture on classical literature went by in a haze. 'Did Kasumi just reprimand me, tell me Akane was a violent maniac learning from the old freak to be a pervert, then try to guilt me into letting her do whatever she wants?' Ranma felt as divided as she ever had been over the engagement. Between classes, she just put her head down to indicate she didn't want to be disturbed. 'Tomorrow is PE, again; bloomers, ugh. At least they dry fast,' she thought of the laundry hanging in the apartment. She sighed, thinking of the long, hot, passionate kiss she tasted a week ago, today. 'Kyouya, you tried your hardest to help me with Akane but I have to wonder if I would have been happier…'


	11. An Ending but not the End

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – An Ending but not the End

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Baimei arrived home from the train station bursting with excitement. "I'm home!" he called into the house, kicking his shoes off and dropping his duffel on the hardwood floor just out of the slate genkan.

"We're in the kitchen, son," his father, his _real_ father, Baijo, called back.

Shimeru Baimei found the whole rest of his family, including his brothers-in-law, crowded around the large island pouring over documents and photographs and further raising his level of excitement and energy. "What did you find?" he asked almost breathlessly. He noticed everyone was in their adult form and dressed according to their adult genders. In his family, at least, that meant official family business.

The younger of his sisters, Baito, was put in charge of Saotome Ranma's background check. Baimei figured everyone else had already heard everything but Baijo said, "Baito showed us some of the results but she's been waiting for you to get home." He gave a nod to their middle child, who was currently their daughter. Pointing at the folder Baito clutched possessively, he added, "She wouldn't let anyone see the rest of the report until you arrived."

Baito was as tall in her female body as Baimei was in his but had long, straight, blonde hair. However, it wasn't completely blonde like their mother's dried-rice-stalk hair. Baito's hair had a hint of copper in it that sometimes looked pink depending on the light. Baimei ended up with a medium brown from his father. It also tended to curl when it got long; a gift from his mother. In a way, it made switching genders a little easier because he didn't look too much different, aside from the radical change in height from a very tall woman to a very tall man.

Fumori, Baito's new husband had black hair except for a stripe of white up each temple. He pulled Nibun, Baisuke's husband back from the island to continue their conversation over what looked and smelled like shochu.

Her parents were waiting patiently for Baito to start the formal report. His mother, Nikorin was near enough the same height as his father and made the long, wavy, flaxen hair that much more impressive when people realized how her stature helped understate it in initial impressions. Despite her glamorous looks, Nikorin was more than a trophy blonde for their father to strut around business-related social events. His mother was a jujitsu master, ex-track star, and security expert chosen for her ability to protect Father's children from unscrupulous business rivals and ransom-hungry opportunists.

Grandpa Baiko was flipping back and forth between sections of the background report with a deep frown of concentration. Grandpa's hair was, of course, just a white stubble. He regularly wore a wig in his immature, female form and had several to match various tomosode in his collection. Baimei knew for a fact his grandfather's collection of traditional men's and women's clothes far outstripped, in value, his collection of Italian and English suits. Despite being the shortest person in the house, Grandpa was still an imposing person but that just returned Baimei's attention to the task at hand.

A large, glossy, A4-sized photograph skid across the counter, courtesy of his big, at the moment, sister, who shared a smirk with him. "Saotome Ranma, sixteen years old, turns seventeen in February on the fifteenth, only child of Saotome Genma and Chiba Nodoka, heir of the Saotome branch, one of two semi-official ones, of a minor style of martial art called Indiscriminate Grappling. The school has a strong reputation for the prowess of their practitioners, impossibly strong, in fact, but is also regarded as the blessing and bane of their community in Western Nerima-"

Baimei was no longer listening. In the oversized glossy photograph, the girl he was developing a powerful lust for was wearing the frumpy-looking seifuku she'd seen in the pictures her mother took in the department store. Ranma-chan was smiling beautifully while eating lunch surrounded by girls. Her hair was a rich shade of red held in a ponytail by a bright yellow bow. She sat properly and looked perfectly comfortable as a young woman amongst women.

"That was taken just this afternoon," Baito said. "There are more."

Baimei looked at the photos one at a time. There were several, some showing Ranma-chan's black-haired male form, but the one which stuck most poignantly was the one where an older girl was holding Ranma's hand through the gate of the school with what looked like a fight going on in the background. Ranma looked as if she wanted to cry. She seemed just like a prisoner begging for the strength to last until her parole. Baimei ran his thumb over her image. He wanted to take her away from the madness going on behind her and whatever else was destroying her life.

"The investigator complained about not being able to enter that picture in a photography contest," Baito said, then switched back to her report. "Family registry is sparse but long enough. She doesn't have any cousins from either side but has one uncle and three second aunts. The bloodline is clean.

"She has a clean bill of health, too, as far as the investigator could tell with nothing on her school records such as permissions for medicines, visits to the nurse's office, or notes from a doctor, not even an excuse note for class. There is a small risk she has not seen a doctor for a recent examination.

"Speaking of school, his, and her, education is abysmal. His marks are terrible. Grandpa, Dad, and Mom have already commented on that." Baimei glanced at his mother who had a rather severe look he remembered from his own years in grade school. Baiko, his father, was busy reading the file over Grandpa's shoulder.

Baito continued in a more upbeat tone, "How-_ever_, she's a super-freaky-strong magical girl!" his sister proudly declared, finally unwinding the tie on the folder. Baimei could barely find the patience to wait while his sister fished around inside for the first picture.

"Okay," Baito said pulling one out and laying it flat on the island. The other guys of her family abandoned their own distractions in favor of the new material her sister produced. "Remember the fight going on in the background of that one picture? A much larger fight broke out after school." Baimei saw what looked like Ranma falling backwards with her arms and book bag crossed in front of her face to protect it from shards of what were probably glass falling from a window up on the third floor. "Our PI was getting his camera set up for pictures of her on the way home after school and caught this. He said he started burning through rolls of film faster than he did when he was a sports reporter working the Olympics six years ago."

"I hope she's not hurt," Baimei said out of concern for the subject of his infatuation.

Baito slid another photo out and laid it on the island. This one showed Ranma flying like supergirl back _up_ nearly to the broken window on the third floor, still gripping her book bag in one hand but her other was balled into a fist and fierce was the only word for the expression she wore. "Woah," Baimei whispered and began collecting the photos in front of him.

His sister filled the empty space with another showing _six_ figures clearing the remaining glass from the third floor windows. Among them was the tiny redhead in mid-leap amongst them. Ranma had one knee extended forward and one leg back, her right arm cocked back for a haymaker and her left holding her bag as a shield. In total, it looked like there were three girls' uniforms and three guys. One guy wearing a hakama had a practice sword held in both hands in an attack on a girl with long braids and glasses. A desk was flying toward them both, an incredible distance given the scale of the picture. It might have come from the short-haired girl with her arm extended out the window and mouth open in an angry-looking yell. There was a ponytailed guy with a spatula pitching something at a shorter ponytailed guy holding a pair of massive maces painted to look like beach balls. The last girl followed the spatula man with what Baimei guessed were both of their school bags.

The next picture was an odd perspective, not that Baimei was all that interested. The cameraman was on the street outside the school. Over the wall in the background was a dust cloud. Ranma appeared to have been dropping from a great height, short ponytail pointed straight up, and was about to alight on the school's outer wall. She had the far leg extended straight beneath her and looked only a handful of centimeters short of touching down. The near leg was bent at the knee and waist, tucked up tight. The skirt of her uniform was billowed inside out. After tracing her thighs with his eyes, Baimei spotted a white crescent outlining her backside.

"Where's the magnifying glass?" he shouted and ran out of the room for it, remembering where it was before anyone could answer. He returned in less than thirty seconds but had to swipe the photo back from her brothers in law.

He was still occupied when Baito put out the next one. In this one, Ranma's skirt was back below her inseam but she had crouched sideways looking ready to pounce. Both hands were cupped on the side facing the camera around a faint golden hazy patch. Everyone puzzled over it except Baito, who pulled out the next shot showing a much larger golden ball the girl appeared to be in the process of shoving back inside the school's compound toward the dust cloud.

Baimei's heart stopped when his sister slowly slid the next photo over the last. Ranma's hands were extended all the way out toward the school, shoulders hunched forward, schoolbag swinging from her left pinky, and a faint trail of gold disappearing over the wall beyond the camera's view. "Ha-Hadouken!" Baimei gasped and stuttered. "She-she knows the Wave Motion Fist!"

"I _don't_ think she learned that from an arcade game," Baisuke said, inserting her dry humor into the conversation for the first time since Baimei arrived. She had a point, though.

Baito chortled very un-lady-like and laid the next image on the table. Ranma was tilted forward toward the school. Her right leg extended back to push off the wall and right arm forward, bent at the elbow and forearm across protecting her neck and ending in a fist. Her left knee pointed forward, leg curled in mid-stride and left arm with school bag trailing behind. He could see the swell of her breast clearly.

Her father whistled in appreciation and directed her attention to the now enormous cloud of debris mixed with people that now extended upward over the wall's horizon. There were _people_ in there. The Hadouken blew them into the air although some looked like they were still fighting.

"Waaaaiiit for it," Baito drawled with a smirk. The following photograph showed Ranma bursting backward _through_ the school wall, again with her schoolbag taking some of the damage. Her feet weren't even on the ground and her flight had taken her past the sidewalk heading almost right for the camera.

The next shot was gold. It was right out of a shonen manga. Ranma was cart-wheeling backward toward the cameraman. "Nice panty-shot," his brother-in-law, Fumori, commented in appreciation. Baimei could hardly argue.

"I figured you'd be interested so there's a stack of postcard-sized shots of that scene in here," Baito said, shaking the envelope. "You can _review_ them later," she added wagging her eyebrows. Baimei sent her a sour look but wasn't about to argue. "Saotome-san was knocked through the wall by a monster straight out of a cheesy magical-girl manga. The PI said he flew in on wings to join the fight but didn't get it on the camera in time. This," she said, pulling out another shot, "is what he thinks knocked our darling super-girl through the wall. She _left_ her school bag with our PI for safekeeping."

And there was Ranma, feet and hands blurring toward a tentacle monster with wings and the face of a cow standing just on the other side of the big hole in the wall. The next frame was in a slightly higher perspective. Baimei suspected the cameraman climbed up onto something like a vehicle's roof to take the shot. It must have taken some time because now all of the other combatants had ganged up on the demon cow.

There were more pictures, a lot more, and the eight of them spent hours looking them over.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma wearily announced herself in the Tendo genkan. It was already dark out. The day had started out well but Mousse and Shampoo finally had enough and strangled the truth out of those in the know, one piece at a time, resulting in a major fight just before school let out. Then, Pantsuto Taro showed up saying that if he could take her panties, Happosai would give him a new name. She declined, naturally.

'Then, Akane told Pantsuto and everyone that was watching, which is, like, the whole school, that they can't have my panties.'

She shambled into the kitchen for some hot water. After he changed, Ranma grabbed a glass from the cupboard taking it to the sink, chugged a glass of water and filled it again before heading into the tea room where Nabiki and Kasumi were the only ones not there watching television. His mother, of course, was back at her apartment. Akane moved to make a spot at the table and invited him to join her.

"What's on?" he asked setting his glass down on the table.

"Nothing much," she replied. "It's a singing contest by a big record label."

"Oh," he said in disinterest but was too frazzled to get back up. After a dithering over it a moment, he decided to own up to Akane for at least her _intent_ to help during the fight. "Hey, ah… thanks for helpin' with Tarou."

Akane finally smiled. "You look tired, Ranma," Akane said, stating the obvious.

"I had to clean my uniform; ox drool. I did some laundry and took a bath, too. Think Shampoo an' Mousse are still pissed off at me?"

"I don't care what they think," Akane replied. Ranma turned his attention to the television now that the commercials were over. "I found all of your boxers, Ranma," she added. "I even pressed and folded them for you."

"Thanks, Akane," he said and sipped at his water. They were underwear. Who cared if they were folded or not? The beady eyes of the ancient master across the table seemed alive with evil fire in the flickering blue light of the television. "Hey, old man, why'd you have to sick Pantyhose on me, anyway?"

The evil master shot him a frightening glance and answered, "Akane-chan could use some more direct competition." Ranma was left wondering about that. Surely he didn't mean for Akane to go head-to-horns against Pantyhose.

"I'm studying, um, domestic science so I need clothes to wash. If you bring me your other underwear, I can take care of that, too," she offered.

Ranma's mind took a few seconds to catch up with the conversation. "Uhhhh."

Akane dropped a hand on his knee under the table. Her eyes were still fixated on the television but the hand didn't move. It was like it was dead; just laying there. Five minutes later though, it moved, up the inside of his thigh. He began to sweat but did not want to call attention to his situation. After final commercial break of the game show he was no longer paying the least attention to, Akane's hand slid up his leg further still, dangerously close to his delicate area. In the last round of questions on the tube, he felt her hand twitch and pull away. Relief swelled to match his growing embarrassment until he realized he sat a bit more freely than before. "I'll take care of these, too," Akane whispered, eyes still glued to the show despite the rolling credits. Ranma couldn't get up and still maintain his dignity until the following soap opera about a hot-spring inn ran its second round of commercials.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cologne pursed her lips, more in frustration than anger. Shampoo came home crying that afternoon over the duplicity of Saotome Ranma and Kuonji Ukyou. The entire week, Shampoo and Mousse had been working hard outside of their duties to the restaurant to practice being Japanese transvestites. Cologne, herself, had started Mousse on this path to teach him a lesson in tolerance and bigotry. Saotome and Kuonji appeared to be helping, too.

She'd left Mousse in the kitchen giving it a thorough cleaning. She could hear his cursing and ranting in her room adjacent to Shampoo's over the dining area. 'At least that will keep him occupied for a while. It's past time that girl and I had a long conversation.'

Deciding there would be no better opportunity, she put on her official robes, picked up her staff, and walked, rather than hopped, out into the hall to Shampoo's bedroom door. "Are you decent? We need to have a discussion, you and I."

"Yes, Great Grandmother," came Shampoo's tear-choked voice through the door. Cologne shook her head over such childish behavior. The young Amazon was clearly in need of more experience but Cologne was forced to acknowledge that the girl was still a teenager and easily overwhelmed by emotion.

She opened the door and found Shampoo trying to compose herself, sitting on the edge of her small bed; another luxury the local Chinese community donated to their cause but it gave her equality with the Tendo girls. Shampoo's eyes widened through tears and she covered her mouth with her hands. Cologne saw that Shampoo recognized the official nature of the visit. "I am here to talk about what you and Mousse have told me of Ranma's deception. Is it true, Ranma feigned attraction to Mousse to force him to dress and act more feminine, at least according to Japanese tradition, and he did not deny it when confronted?

Shampoo nodded so she asked the next question. "Is it true he encouraged you in going to greater lengths to dress and act more masculine, again according to Japanese tradition?" Shampoo nodded again. Tears welled in her eyes. 'Well, this has been stewing quite a long time. There is no separating the ingredients, now,' she ruefully thought.

"I await your punishment, Elder Cologne," Shampoo choked out, "but please do not punish my Beloved-" The last of her plea ended with a hint of expectation, as if to add, "too much." It seemed Shampoo would not mind if Ranma were chastised.

She shook her head as disappointment added to the mix of anger and frustration. Today was a very heavy day, indeed. To restore some measure of calm, she began with a question. "Why did you think you would be punished, child? That is not the reason for this visit, I assure you."

Tears turned to confusion. "I thought- I have failed, again, and he made me look like a fool. Mousse, I understand but he _deceived_ me."

"Did you not conceive of your plan with the same intent? My plan for Mr. Part-time did not require you to do the same thing although I _did_ expect you and Kuonji and Son-in-law to help teach him a lesson."

"But I thought, because Mousse was pretending to be a girl-"

"That you had to pretend to be a boy? Why? Was it because you wanted to be the opposite gender as Mousse, or because you wanted to be the opposite gender of Ranma?" Now, she was getting to the heart of it.

"I wanted my husband to love me back," Shampoo answered. "He _tricked_ me!"

"Yes, she did. It was a good one, too, although Ranma had the help of Ms. Kuonji and her man."

"Wh-what?"

"Maybe it does not seem so humorous to _you_, having your own plot turned against you, but I assure you it will be worth a laugh back home."

Shampoo made a sour face. "_You're_ not laughing," she pointed out.

She was right, too. "No, I am not laughing. I am here as your Elder. Now, before we get down to business, tell me, why is it you and I can lay traps for, play jokes on, and tease young Ranma for months on end and she cannot do the same back to us? She _has_, you know. We've been going back and forth in our war to capture Ranma as your husband many times. Why is it she can get the best of you, and you feel someone must be punished?" Shampoo stared at her hands in her lap. "She hurt you this time. She got a laugh at your expense. She was not the one _this_ time who had a bicycle land on her head or got groped just to see the silly face she made."

Taking a calming breath, Cologne drew herself up to stand tall in her role as Elder. It was an unfortunate figure of speech at her age. "Xian Pu, Saotome Ranma bested you in physical combat, for which you swore to avenge your honor as a warrior of the Strong Women. You have not since been able to demonstrate your superiority. You were punished by our laws and by Jusenkyou for changing your oath to one of marriage and still he eludes you. By turning your latest stratagem against you, Saotome Ranma has proven herself a warrior your equal, if not your better. I _could_ ignore the joke she played on you or declare it a fluke, she is certainly not well educated or sophisticated and is still a teenager but I cannot, as an Elder, find sufficient reason to deny her rights." Cologne pinned Shampoo with a fierce look demanding her undivided attention. "As Elder of the Strong Women, I, Ko Lon, recognize Saotome Ranma as a Warrior."

Her Great Granddaughter's face was painted in confusion for a few heartbeats until the full weight of her declaration was realized. Cologne took off her outer robe of office and joined Shampoo on the bed as family. "Everything has happened as it should. Our goddess blessed Ranma as one of her own, just as we are. There is no harm to you in it. It just is. Perhaps we were brought here to provide an example, maybe a test. Whatever the case, you are now restored in honor with our people."

Cologne found herself caught up in Shampoo's embrace and tried to lend what comfort she could. "Look at the bright side, dear. There is no reason you cannot continue to court Ranma, even if she now has full rights as a warrior. I meant it when I said I was not here to punish you though it may feel that way right now. I came here so you could witness my reward to Ranma for having fulfilled all of the requirements of a Warrior. Skill in combat was never an issue as you should well know by now. She proved she could learn, with minimal guidance I might add, secret techniques taught only to our people. The Flying Dragon Ascension Break was a test to ascertain whether she could control her emotions and follow through with a tricky plan when in the heat of a battle. Now, she has proven herself able to take advantage of a weakness in your strategy. She has done it before to us and to many others besides but this time I cannot overlook it."

She gently pushed Shampoo to lie back on the bed and lay down beside her to stare up at the ceiling. Shampoo exhaled in a ragged sigh. "How did we get here in this strange, men's country with its difficult language and odd culture?"

"The Goddess brought us here," Cologne answered, easily. "You could say Ranma brought us here by showing up in our village but that would be conceited. You were the one who wanted to leave."

"I thought I'd only be gone a week, at most, but they kept running and dodged every attack like I was a little kid."

"Yes, and soon you were here. You lost again and came home determined to go back and win."

"Yes," Shampoo admitted.

"Your mother likes gambling, too. She'll never be an Elder because of it, you know."

"Never?"

"She cannot quite understand that losing once does not somehow increase the odds of winning the next time. An Elder plays to _win_ by seeking advantage everywhere and placing trust in nothing. I have won coming to this land. I can now place Saotome Ranma on the record as a Warrior, not an infidel or rogue husband. I know you hoped for the last option, as did I, but she is a Warrior. It was the will of our goddess."

"I still don't have to like it," Shampoo sulked.

"No, you don't but back to your mother, Xian Lak, she gambles with her gold, fortunately, and not her women, but she enjoys games of chance more than should an Elder. She knows all this. I have chided her for a score of years or more and your father makes sure to squirrel away plenty of gold and silver but that is her personality. An Elder does not _play_ games of chance; she _makes_ games of chance _pay_ her. One does not _play_ odds but change them to your favor. This is something Ranma knows by instinct, if she is not aware of it. Learn it well for our people and for our family."

"What am I going to do," Shampoo moaned, throwing an arm over her eyes.

"Well, if I were you, I would forget about whatever fool idea possessed you to make enemies of Rinku and Pinku," Cologne offered with a chuckle.

"They're twins. If you hurt one, the other will feel it," Shampoo replied, saucily.

Cologne felt around for her staff until she found it and used it to smack Shampoo in the diaphragm. "What do you _think_ you should do, as a Warrior, not a child?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma woke early the next morning before remembering he did not have to go to Kyouya's to change into his female school uniform. Sitting up, he glanced at his father. Today would be a big day. So would tomorrow, for that matter. He was nervous and would deny it in a heartbeat. 'Pop said last night that they were going to send a limo to Mom's today right after school an' we'd stay overnight at a fancy hotel.' He'd had no such warning when he came to the Tendo family and none of the other girls had even _that_ much of a formal introduction; not that his introduction to the Tendo family went particularly well.

He got out of his futon and quietly started folding it. "Ranma," his father said, "Your mother will be upset we did not stay with her last night. I'll call the school and tell them you aren't coming."

"I thought school was important," Ranma protested just for the sake of argument. He really couldn't be happier.

"Not today. You have things to do. Gather your best clothes and bring them to your mother's apartment. The hotel has a swimming pool according to your mother so bring a suit, too. She will want to see what you own and choose which things to take for our overnight stay.

"Why?"

"Because she is your mother. I have put her off from interfering with the Tendo claim on you but this omiai is different," Genma said, sitting up and rolling to his knees outside his futon. He reached over his neck-roll to pick up his glasses before beginning to fold his futon, too.

"Are you… really serious about this omiai? You're always goin' on about the Tendo deal," Ranma asked, putting his futon in the closet.

"Whether it works out, or not, boy, doing it properly is important to your mother. There is one other… thing," his father said, stacking his futon in the closet over Ranma's. Strangely, his father seemed reluctant to continue speaking. Ranma worried over why. Either his old man wasn't feeling well, or… Tying a clean kerchief over his head, the old panda disguised as a father faced him to explain. "Your mother… she gets these ideas. She is a wonderful woman and she loves you very much so don't throw a tantrum like a child if she decides to treat you like a girl. You're almost grown up now and it is your duty as a martial artist and her son to accommodate her fancies."

Genma lost Ranma at the end of the previous sentence. "Wait, treat me like a girl?"

His father pushed glasses up his nose and crossed his arms to stare at the floor. "Hmmm… How to explain…" Ranma got ready to bolt. "You see, Nodoka trusted me to raise you to be a man." Ranma snorted at that for any number of reasons. _"If_ you had been born a girl, or we'd had another baby born a girl, your mother would have been the one to raise you. She is very traditional."

"So what? I'm a guy."

"You turn into a girl because of your curse, boy. She's thinking you could be her daughter."

"Mom told you that?" Ranma asked.

"No," his father replied dismissing it with a wave of his hand, "but she's thinking it, or will be."

"I don't see how that could be bad, old man. Maybe she won't want me to slit my belly."

His father cuffed him on the ear, knocking Ranma off his knees. "She'd _never_ want you to kill yourself! It's our fault for putting her into that situation."

"Don't include _me_ in the blame for your mistakes…" Ranma muttered as he sat back up.

"Ungrateful boy, use your head for once. If your mother wants you to be manly when you are a young man, how do you think she'll want you to be when you are a young woman, or have you forgotten, _Ranko_?"

Ranma thought back to the time she spent with her mother. "That wasn't _too_ bad."

"She thought you were Akane-chan's cousin. Think harder."

A vision of her mother fumbling the family sword while asking all of the boys in the neighborhood if her daughter was womanly came to mind. "Oh." Her mother would definitely want another shopping trip. This time, Akane could not run interference, not that she did a lot of that the first time, but it would be just mother and daughter sometimes and there would be hints, advice and questions about her love life to put up with. "Cra- I mean, darn."

"Exactly. I saw your mother tilt her head while looking at you. She only does the head-tilt thing when she's thinking about something from another perspective. I'm almost certain she's thinking about your being her daughter. After your omiai, there will be no escape because the Shimeru will want to interview your female side," his father explained.

Ranma was becoming more worried but decided his father _might_ be completely wrong. It was known to happen. "Maybe she was just stretching her neck. It could be some kind of girly expression thing," he suggested.

"You do it, too," his father replied. "Now, we've got some time before breakfast and your mother likes to sleep in. Instead of sparring, go fetch your things from that apartment your boyfriend kept."

Ranma was astonished. "How did you know Kyouya had an apartment in Green Hills?"

"I have my ways, boy," his father said rolling his eyes.

Back in room 205, Ranma decided on a quick bath. There was still plenty of time left in the morning; quite a lot, really, if he was excused from school. He was also growing accustomed to having his own space, even if the landlady and other tenants sometimes bordered on annoyingly curious.

He sat in the small tub of hot water thinking about what to do and decided not to waste any more time in room 205. "I should go say something nice to Shampoo and Mousse," he said to himself feeling a little guilty over the awesome prank he, Ukyou and Konatsu pulled on them.

Another stray thought sent him almost leaping out of the water. 'I forgot about breakfast at the Tendo house!' Ranma started drying himself and opened the door to the bath, giving the short hall a peek before walking naked, except for the towel, into the main room of the small flat. Laying lightly over the folded, cheap futon was the sundress Kasumi suggested, Akane pushed for, and Kyouya purchased. 'Pop said Mom was going to start treating me like a girl when I'm in my cursed body as soon as she figures out I'm her daughter. Maybe if _I_ start it I'll have an advantage.'

He tried not to think about what he was doing and went to the kitchenette for the faucet. A couple of seconds later, she was drying her hands on a damp towel. She didn't bother undoing her pigtail. Everyone was used to seeing her with it but it felt good to let it out when none of the guys could pull it during a fight. 'At least girls don't have t' worry about guys or other girls pullin' their hair,' she thought in completely wrong-headedly hair envy.

Ten minutes later, she was on her way back to Tendo-ke for breakfast having left her every-day clothes for the lilac sundress and purple sandals. This meant she could not travel by roof-hopping or fence-walking. Even a slow jog was improper, or so she imagined her mother and all of the Tendo women explaining. In any case, she saw a lot more of the city's details than she usually did. Most of the new information revolved around food but she did notice some of the trinkets for holding hair at one store with a small stand outside. 'Too bad they're all for girls,' she thought. 'Guys should have a store for that stuff, too.'

Finally approaching the Tendo house, Ranma let herself in the gate and announced her arrival. "I'm back," she called, stepping out of her sandals in the genkan.

"Welcome back, Ranma-chan," Kasumi returned.

She made her way into the main room and sat at the table in her customary place but Akane had not, yet, arrived. Her father was doing stretches out on the lawn and Tendo-san had his nose deep in the morning paper. "Nabiki, can I have my suit back?" she asked the only other person at the table.

"Only if you can get Daddy to let me wear _my_ suit," Nabiki answered and yawned widely, late in covering her mouth with a hand.

Ranma frowned. "Fine, then. Consider it your Christmas and birthday gifts together for, like, the next five years," she threatened. "I'll go get another one."

"Who do you think you're kidding? You can't afford it."

"Can too. The Asami family paid me f'r showin' Kyouya around," Ranma replied.

That gained Nabiki's full attention. "They _paid_ you for showing him a good time? Ranma, Ranma, you know they call that compensated dating, don't you?"

Ranma was not sure what compensated dating meant but she was pretty sure it wasn't complimentary. Being a master of insulting, Ranma's mind rapidly processed the implication. 'Did she just call me a whore? I can't tell anyone I was in a scientifical beta-site thing but I know Nabiki's gone on dates for money-' Aloud, she asked, "Like with you and Kuno?"

The newspaper quickly folded up attracting both verbal warriors' attention. To Ranma's relief, he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at Nabiki. "What was this about you dating the Kuno boy?"

"I'm not dating him, Daddy," Nabiki answered. "We just meet for business."

"No more doing business with him, Nabiki. He has an… abnormal obsession for your sister and insulted our family during the wedding. I've put up with him in the past but no more; not after drawing a blade in our home."

"It's just business; nothing personal," Nabiki countered.

"What kind of business?" Soun asked.

"I sell him information about tests and other things," she replied. Ranma knew her explanation was misinformation, if not a lie. It was the other things that caused trouble.

"Well, you don't need his business. I'd like you to cut your relationship with him," Soun said with finality.

A tableau settled between father and daughter. Ranma had no idea the man would react so strongly. A stray thought entered her head. "Nabiki-san, weren't you going to show me where my swimsuit is?"

The middle Tendo shot her a look that promised pain but nodded, as eager to escape her father's scrutiny as Ranma hoped. Nabiki led the way up to her room. When Ranma stopped in the door, Nabiki said, snappishly, "Come in and shut the door."

Ranma complied and stood patiently while the other woman went to her dresser and opened a drawer to retrieve the gold-and-red racing suit. She still wondered what to say when Nabiki shoved the suit in her hands. On her way out, Ranma fumbled an apology. "Sorry, I – I had no idea your dad would get like that."

Nabiki's look of raw anger tempered somewhat. "I didn't need that, Saotome. I'm trying to get Dad to let me go out with Asada Mitsuaki-san, remember, the handsome wealthy guy I met playing volleyball last weekend."

Shrugging in incomprehension, Ranma said, "I was swimmin' then but I remember you and Akane wanted to play with those guys. I thought you were interested in Kuno, maybe a little."

A faint snarl twisted Nabiki's lip for a fraction of a second before she turned her nose up at Ranma. "He only thinks about you and my sister."

"You spend more time with that moron than any other guy I've seen you with," Ranma retorted. Her temper was slowly fraying. She knew Nabiki spent time selling Kuno photos of her and Akane. Nabiki also took their gift money for the wedding and wouldn't put it past her to have invited the troublemakers just for the loot.

"I spend time with _you_ but that doesn't mean we'll marry," Nabiki said, taking the verbal war to a new, more personal level but Ranma would not fall into that trap. She turned and headed around the corner and down the hall toward the stairs for her own, shared bedroom.

Cold fury built within Ranma's chest. Nabiki stole her swimsuit and getting it back meant making the woman her enemy, again. While Nabiki was already in trouble with her old man, Ranma could have made her far more uncomfortable but didn't. 'What do I get out of it - just the return of _my_ clothes and the chance to wait for Nabiki's revenge?' She slammed the closet door open and began furiously packing clothes into her pack and the Mushi department store bags she had from the previous Saturday.

Stomach clenched in anger, Ranma carried her things downstairs and slipped her sandals back on before sliding the front door open. She walked around the side of the house until she saw her father. "Pop, I'm going to take some stuff to Mom's. Tell Kasumi-san not to wait."

Genma took a giant leap across the yard to stop next to her. "What's going on, boy? Kasumi-chan is should be ready any minute now."

"I just… don't wanna be here right now," she admitted. Her face felt as hot as her temperament after the encounter.

Her father didn't argue or complain. Instead, he suggested, "Why don't you go for a walk. If you take your time, school will have started. Just don't get caught by the truant officer. They won't care whether I called in your absence and it would be a hassle if I have to explain it to them."

With a wan smile, she said, "Thanks, Pop."

"Leave that stuff here for now. I'll watch it."

"Thanks," she said again and unloaded her arms onto his. "Be back later." He grunted his acceptance and turned back toward the house. Ranma left by the front gate.

Walking aimlessly along the street was mind numbing enough to cool off and she suddenly remembered her intent to apologize to Shampoo and Mousse. A few minutes later, she found herself knocking on the door to the Nekohanten.

It opened to reveal Mousse wearing his glasses, his normal male clothes and a deep scowl. "Go away, faggot," he said and tried to slam the door shut in her face. She was faster than he and slapped it back at him with an open-palm strike.

"Mousse, do you enjoy the feel of having your head constantly up your ass?" she asked, somewhat acerbically.

"Is that Ranma," she heard Shampoo call from somewhere inside.

"Shampoo, can I talk t' you a minute?" Ranma yelled back and gave Mousse a warning glare.

The sound of feet on the old restaurant's creaky stairway preceded Shampoo's next words. "Mousse, get back in kitchen and prepare tea for our guest." This was a change of pace leaving Ranma slightly confused. Shampoo led her inside, eyeing her sundress, and sat Ranma at a table near the serving counter after pulling a chair turned upside down off of it. Shampoo pulled the other three chairs off the round table top, set them down and left to call up the stair well. "Elder, Saotome Ranma here to see you."

That was not, in the least, what Ranma intended. "Hey, Shampoo, I only came over to apologize. You don't have to have her curse me or declare war, or nothing."

Shampoo returned to the table and sat down opposite Ranma but did not say a word more. After a couple of minutes of silent waiting, Ranma began to fidget and opened her mouth before thinking better of it and closing it with a snap. At last, Cologne hopped down the stairs and over to a chair next to Ranma.

"Well, now, Ranma-chan, what are you doing here so early in the morning?" Cologne asked.

Time caught up with a snap that jolted her back to the purpose of the visit. "I wanted to, um, apologize for tricking Shampoo and Mousse." To Shampoo, she said, "Sorry 'bout that but I was still a little pissed you had that idiot feel me up. Then you thought pretending you were a guy would make me fall in love with you."

Shampoo sat in silence but, as Ranma spoke, her head drooped to stare at her lap. Cologne cut in on Shampoo's behalf. "She is being a foolish girl. She is disappointed when she should be congratulating you. That little joke you played on her and Mr. Part-time was well done and I appreciate your coming over to settle your differences. It reinforces my decision." Ranma swallowed nervously. "Saotome Ranma, you have demonstrated exceptional skill in combat, you have learned secret techniques of our people, and proven you can outsmart two of our most skilled young people. As of yesterday, you were recognized as a Warrior."

"Er, huh?"

Mousse came over with a tea set, pot steaming with hot water. Ranma eyed it suspiciously. "Congratulations, Saotome, you just became a girl. That dress really suits you. Oh, and I despise you."

Shampoo's head snapped up and, instead of the normal violence, she began a long harangue on Mousse in their native dialect. Ranma stared in surprise until Mousse said something short back at her and Shampoo chased him out of the dining area with her bonbori. Cologne added the leaves to the pot and stirred. "You know, I had an idea it might work out like this. I wouldn't have given it even long odds when we first set up shop here but you kept resisting my great granddaughter's wiles…"

"Wait a sec, _what_ happened, again?"

Cologne set out a pair of tea cups. "When you defeated her on the balancing log, she swore to prove herself a better warrior than you. Later, she came back saying she could not defeat you because you were a man and she was in love, except she did not return with you as she should have. For that, I had to take her to Jusenkyou and let the Goddess determine her punishment. She ended up with the worst curse possible for attracting you. We never would have thought it at the time, of course. Don't think any one of us missed that when we found out about your fear. Mousse was ecstatic for a while thinking the Goddess favored his claim despite giving him a curse incompatible with Shampoo's. I had fun, though," Cologne stated as if referring to a weekend trip to a mountain hot spring resort.

Ranma's eyebrows rose up under her loose, unshaped bangs. "You had _fun?"_

"Of course! You were hilarious. You also learned what I taught." Cologne replied. Ranma almost voiced her thought that Cologne had too many similarities to Happosai. She held her tongue, barely, to keep the old woman's staff from rigging her head like a bell.

The Joketsu Elder poured Ranma a cup before herself and said, "You have satisfied all of the requirements for me, or any Elder, to declare you a Warrior. Warriors are women, by the way, but we'll make an exception in your case, or not."

Ranma closed her mouth with an audible click after discovering it was hanging open and picked up her tea to blow gently on it so as not to splash it on her hand and over-fill her panties. While Ranma was concentrating on maintaining a minimum of dignity, Cologne called for Shampoo and Mousse to join them and stop playing around. Ranma ignored the replies that set Cologne grinning like a mad cadaver from some horror movie. The world had turned upside down and what passed for normal before was now not.

Mousse sported a new part in his hair around a fresh lump and had to straighten his glasses. Shampoo sat primly in her new position beside Ranma and opposite her village Elder. Neither Joketsu teen seemed comfortable speaking so Ranma started. "Shampoo, I'm sorry I tricked you into cross-dressing as a guy. You weren't very good at it, anyway." Well, that was Ranma being apologetic. Mousse was next. "You were really cute so I'll let you kiss my ass, duck-boy." Cologne laughed her wrinkly butt off.

"Cock tease," Mousse replied, sourly. Shampoo abruptly added another lump to Mousse's cranium.

Ranma saw another opportunity and took it. "Shampoo-kun, you shouldn't be so mean to Mousse-chan or Kuno-sempai will be very angry." That took a moment to sink in but the very concept of Kuno Tatewaki declaring righteous and eternal war on a cross-dressing Shampoo to win draggy-Mousse's freedom and eternal swooning love did not sit well with them.

"I'll be right back, Ranma-chan," Cologne said with a grin that Ranma couldn't distinguish between evil, or just wizened. Nevertheless, silence fell on the three remaining at the table. No one knew quite how to get past the barriers grown between them.

When the Joketsu Elder returned, the ancient warrior was much more serious. Cologne opened her hand and laid on the table a small gold coin. Its detailed stamp was worn and nicked with time but looked like real gold. "Every new warrior receives something like this," she said. "That coin is at least a thousand years old. Do not lose it and you will never be poor but do not spend it, either," she said, becoming more solemn by the second. "This is _not_ a seed to your family's prosperity. It is a _promise_, one that we, the Joketsu, make to you as a warrior clan to another warrior. You will never be a woman alone in battle. Keep this wherever you go, show it when you have need of another Warrior, and return it and your knowledge. It is also a _symbol_. You have achieved the status of Warrior among our people. The Goddess alone is responsible for your acceptance within our ranks. Look around you at the people on the street. They are _not_ Warriors of the Strong Women clan. This coin is yours not through effort, luck, or talent alone. Take pride in your status as one of Hers but always remember you were chosen by Her to serve Her will. Be true to who you _are_, not who you think you should be, or who others perceive you to be."

At this point, Cologne's lofty and impassioned speech ran out of steam letting Ranma get a word in edge-wise. "Who _is_ your goddess, anyway?"

"Takahashi Rumiko-megamisama, of course," Cologne answered.

"Who's that?"

"Your new goddess, of course."

"Oh," Ranma said, thinking for a moment. "Her name's kind o' long. I mean, does she have a nickname, or somethin'?"

"Nnnno," Cologne drawled.

Ranma put it down to old-people quirks and picked up the heavy coin. It was significantly larger than even a five hundred yen piece and weighed even more. Worn symbols were stamped into the front and back faces but they were illegible. It did not have a "head" on either side opting instead for deeply cut symbols resembling Chinese, yet not recognizable to her eye. "I 'spose I can't call her Rumi-chan, can I?" she asked.

"Blasphemy is rewarded by infamously bad luck spanning countless generations," Cologne replied.

"Did that count?" Ranma asked. Cologne gave half a nod. Eager to change the topic she asked, "So… Mousse, Shampoo, wanna go shopping for shoes an' hair stuff?"

Shampoo finally spoke while Mousse was still cupping the new lump on his head. "This one is apologizing, also. Ranma is satisfied, yes?"

It took her a couple of seconds to decipher the syntax but Ranma nodded, never one to carry grudges farther than absolutely necessary, yet not afraid of a little work, either. "So, what happens now? You ain't gonna become Mrs. Mousse, are you?"

Shampoo gave an irritated snarl but calmed herself. "Mousse not prove he worthy of Shampoo."

Cologne intervened before Shampoo's vitriolic rant could gain momentum. "We're not a patriarchal society like Japan. Women are the foundation of the Joketsu. Men are the mortar. The men take the women's family name. They work as artisans, craftsmen, farmers, herdsmen, miners and skilled laborers while the women teach the children, manage village affairs and defend their homes. It is the best solution even if it does not seem so to an outsider. Women tend to incite each other to greater heights of violence but act conservatively when their family is at stake. Elders are necessary to guide the village but our people have outlasted many Eastern dynasties. The men are the builders and producers, the women the protectors and teachers."

Not much of what Cologne said stuck but one thing: "So Mousse would take _your_ family name, Shampoo?"

"Yes," Shampoo reluctantly said.

"So that would make him what, Xian Se," Ranma said, working extra hard at the pronunciation.

Mousse perked at this new line of speculation. Ranma turned to him, thinking aloud, "Xian Se… Xianse… Chance?"

Shampoo blinked.

Mousse smiled, strained but proudly.

Cologne sighed.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane sat in the middle of the dojo facing the wall where the first letters of the iroha poem were written on the banner hung there ever since she could remember.

"What else have you figured out about this poem?" her father sternly demanded. He had just finished his prayers to her mother and the rest of their ancestors and still knelt in front of the tokonoma but now he faced her with fire in his eyes.

She swallowed, nervously. "It's okay to do perverted thin-"

"NO!" her father barked then changed his mind. "Yes. I mean, it is perfectly acceptable to do them with your fiancé but that is not the point. The point is that if you don't do something to make Ranma-kun want to stay, he'll leave!"

Akane gasped, not from surprise but from indignation. "I've _been_ nice! I _helped_ her yesterday in the fight at school! He even complimented me! Look!" she said, pulling out a pair of boxers. "He didn't say _anything_ when I took them; no protest at all!"

A daemon head was her answer. "Stealing panties alone will not win her heart!" he growled in an impressive show of chi control. "Take Ranma to bed and do not stop until he _and_ she are completely and thoroughly satisfied!" Akane hesitated to agree and Soun noted her reticence. "What are you waiting for?" he yelled.

Blood drained from her head at his outright anger. Weakly, she protested, spilling out words from her subconscious. "Shouldn't we be married, first? We haven't even really dated."

His daemon head burst into giant tears of hot ki. "Nooooooo, my daughter has learned too well from the television!"

Akane shook her head to clear out the confusion. "What?"

The tears stopped abruptly and she found she liked them better than his daemon-head glare. "What part of arranged marriage do you not understand?"

"B-but that's not the way…"

"If you would have had sex and tried talking to each other, you would have been _married_ by now."

"We didn't get along!" Akane protested, her fire returning.

"What part of arranged marriage do you _not_ understand? I didn't care which of my daughters ended up with Ranma but you are my heir in Musabetsu Kakuto ryu. You could at least have tried him out, any of you!"

"I didn't know our style is perverted! You could have told me!" Akane yelled back.

He began crying, again. "Your mother forbade it! I had no choice!" Akane thought she was going to win this argument. She was wrong. His tears ceased and he gave her a cold glare. "You could have had sex with him, or her, anytime and solved all of the problems with your rivals. Ranma stayed faithful to our family the whole time. _He_ could have gotten it from _lots_ of people. I had hoped to force him to make a move on you thinking he was the shy one. I had no idea my daughter had such difficulty with opening herself up enough for sex. Neither of your sisters are like that. Kasumi-chan has been quietly stalking Ono-kun for years and now that Nabiki-chan has finally found someone to her taste, I have my hands full trying to keep her from sneaking out of the house before his background check is finished.

"I hand you a fiancé who your peers are intensely jealous of and eager to take as their own. I keep the Saotome in this house even _after_ Ranma-kun's mother decided he was okay. I have done everything I could to make Ranma-kun jealous of _you, _pressured him unfairly to accommodate your temperament, and _still_ you haven't done it with him! We almost got you married _despite_ that. You _could_ have taken advantage of him even after the wedding was ruined."

Akane found her breathing shallow and rapid. Adrenaline was pulsing through her veins from her father's startling reprimand. Now, tears were building and her nose became stuffy at finding out just how much her father disapproved of her. It was heartbreaking and he noticed. The daemon-head deflated but her father had one last criticism. "The only reason you _aren't_ married is because Saotome-kun requires proof that you two are compatible. We've been watching and hoping the two of you would start making rendezvous but it hasn't happened and _that_ is why Ranma wasn't simply moved onto our family registry a long time ago. The only explanation is that you are not compatible and a marriage could never work well."

Akane rubbed her eyes in a sleeve of her dougi. Her father sighed and dropped the final bomb on her. "The omiai Ranma-kun is attending… Saotome-kun explained it was to make you jealous enough to act on your own but I know him better than that. He always has an escape plan – _always_. Aside from the pressure his wife is probably putting on him after the failed wedding, I would guess he is losing hope, or interest, in joining the schools. Probably, if the omiai goes well, Ranma-kun may choose the Shimeru girl, or boy – whatever. Even if it doesn't go well, there will be others. Saotome-kun _always_ has a contingency plan. We are fortunate that most of them are about as well thought out as the original plans."

Lips quivering, Akane buried her face in the soft material of her gi around her arm. "What am I going to do?" she sobbed.

"How badly do you want to win Ranma?" Her father asked back. "I'm going to the store for some smokes. You think about what you need to do."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma returned to Tendo-ke in better spirits. "I'm back. Anything left?"

The nori over the kitchen entrance parted and Kasumi poked her head into the hall. "Ranma-chan, that looks so nice on you!"

"Thanks, Kasumi-san," Ranma replied, a little unsure of the compliment. "You, ah, you picked it out. Thanks."

The elder Tendo sister disappeared back inside. Ranma made her way to the table in the tea room and sat down, tucking the skirt of her dress under her legs. Her father was there, human but damp. Ranma noted her bags and backpack stacked in a corner. "Boy," her father began, "I've been thinking-"

'Oh, crap. Now what,' Ranma wondered. She had grown cautious of the results of her father's intellectual adventures.

"-Akane-chan has been mas- er, meditating and she could probably use your help from time to time. Tendo-kun is thinking she'll need a training partner," her father said, less sure of himself than she usually was.

"Okay," Ranma said without thinking.

His father grunted before adding. "If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to. She's been learning from the Master and Tendo-kun."

Kasumi brought Ranma a tray with a bowl of hot rice and a fresh raw egg cracked over the top. To one side was a smaller bowl with a variety of sliced pickles and a small plate holding a three, small, dried fish. On the other was a bowl of steaming miso. "Wow, looks good, Kasumi-san. Thank you," Ranma told her with eyes wide in appreciation.

"You are very welcome, Ranma-san," she answered and left with a curt bow.

Ranma stared after the older Tendo, puzzled. "What's going on?" she asked her father, digging into the hearty breakfast.

He removed his spectacles and began wiping the lenses on a handkerchief. When he was done and hooked the straps behind his ears, he answered, "Your omiai today is upsetting them. You _will_ be married, soon and Akane-chan must decide whether she wants to marry you, including your curse. I think she does but the girl has some hang-ups and is wound too tightly."

Between mouthfuls, she asked, "But what about Kasumi-san? She's been actin' super nice and polite; even more than normal."

"She takes her family's honor seriously. It's about time you did the same."

"Hey, I _do_. It's just-"

"If you were serious about honor, would have married her by now, boy. What's stopping you?" Genma asked sharply.

Ranma stopped eating. She had to think. Talking and chewing were okay but talking, thinking and chewing were harder. After a few seconds, she put some of her reasoning together. "I don't know if Akane likes me. I like her, I guess, but she can be such a tomboy… and mean, sometimes. Pretty nice other times, though."

"You are just as bad to her as she is to you, if not worse. How many times have I had to lecture you on that?"

Ducking her head in implied agreement, Ranma said, "I'm tryin' to be nicer, I really am, but it's hard. If I say or do somethin' wrong, she's all over me."

"You do the same thing to her and treat her accomplishments like they don't mean anything," her father pointed out.

Squirming, uncomfortable with the truth, Ranma offered up the real issues – the ones that changed the playing field. "Akane don't like girls an' I… I don't dislike guys so much… if they're nice," Ranma softly announced. Realizing she left something important out of the admission, she hurriedly added, "Course I _still_ like girls."

Her father rubbed his scalp through the ever-present kerchief. "If Akane-chan was interested in your cursed form like that, would you want to marry her?"

Thinking hard, Ranma realized there was one other smaller issue nagging at her. "Maybe… Sometimes I just feel like I don't belong here, that's all. We're like, like unwanted guests, or sometimes just guests."

"Where did you get that idea, Ranma?" her father asked voice full of concern.

She stared down at the half-eaten breakfast and realized her appetite was gone. 'Not enough exercise,' she decided. Her father's question was genuine, as far as she could tell, so she tried to form feelings into words. "Nabiki's back to hating me. She called me a whore, I think, an' got me mad so I teased her about Kuno but Tendo-san heard and got mad at her. I used it to get my swimsuit back. Maybe that was a little mean but she stole it in the first place. She's always taking pictures of me and selling them to perverts in school. I don't really mind _that_ much since Kuno's an idiot but she also took our wedding gift money. She's always takin' stuff an' usin' me. No one says anything about it.

"I can't figure out Kasumi-san, either. Sometimes she's really nice and sometimes she's scary. She's always polite, though. I dunno. It's like I don' know who she is half the time.

"An' you guys let Akane have P-chan even though you all know he's Hibiki." Her father scratched his neck, guiltily. "See? I feel like I live here but I ain't part o' the family. I'm just a visitor. Akane treats me like a friend or an enemy but not a husband. Nobody else thinks this is weird."

Her father asked, "How do you _think_ Akane should treat you? If you're thinkin' she'll fetch your slippers and hang around just so you can use her lap as a pillow whenever you feel like it, I'm pretty sure you're wrong."

Ranma set down her hashi and threw her hands in the air in agitation. "_I_ don't know! How'm I _s'posed_ to know?" Bitter thoughts infiltrated her mind. Her parents were not good examples and neither were the Tendo family. "All I know is we fight a lot, Akane doesn't like my girl side that way and thinks my boy side is a pervert who'll go after _any_ old girl. The only stuff we do together is rescue each other in a fight, or from some stupid kidnapper." She crossed her arms, scowling fiercely at her half-eaten breakfast. "I'm this freaky half-guy, half-girl the Tendo family keeps about out of duty or for fun."

Genma sighed, heavily. "It isn't like that at all," he said. "Maybe they take advantage of you because you already feel like a member of their family. I know Tendo-kun feels that way. This omiai of yours is putting a strain on all of them," her father said, hooking her tray of food with a finger to slide it in place before him. "You'll just have to trust Tendo-kun to help Akane-chan with her problems. The most important question on your mind should be whether you would like to be someone's wife, instead of her husband. Now, go thank Kasumi-chan for the fine breakfast before you talk with Akane-chan."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kasumi leaned away from the wall and hurried to sit at the kitchen's small table with her cold cup of tea. She had heard much of what was said by the Saotome family and was still in emotional turmoil. Shortly, Ranma came through the nori into the kitchen looking as unhappy and disenchanted as she sounded during the talk with her father.

"Kasumi-san, thanks for the great breakfast," Ranma told her. It looked as if the younger girl wanted to continue but hesitated.

She wanted to give the girl a hug and tell her she was wrong but that would as much admit eves dropping on their private conversation. "Th-thank you Ranma-chan," she managed with a wan smile.

Ranma returned it and bowed, deeply and politely, in a style only a woman should do and it stunned her that the boy introduced to her family less than a year ago had changed so much to be able to do this. Kasumi missed her opportunity to repay the courtesy and Ranma was gone.

Rising out of the small wooden chair, she left the cold, half-drunk cup of tea and tentatively left the kitchen to look for Ranma hoping by then to know what to say to keep her here. The engagement was receding like the tide going out: it seemed there was no stopping it and the subtle shift in flow had gone unnoticed.

Walking as softly as she could, Kasumi peeked around the hall leading toward the dojo. Ranma was climbing the steps in front of the closed shoji. All of the subtle discourtesies and acts of revenge upon the Saotome family haunted her. 'I was too lenient with Akane-chan,' she thought watching Ranma rap lightly on the door. 'If Ranma-chan leaves…' Kasumi, herself, would be leaving, though not for a couple of months, at least, while her father made wedding arrangements. Most weddings took time to arrange but she had no doubt Tofu's mother and her father would be much faster than normal.

Akane slid the door open and looked surprised to find Ranma wearing her dress, or maybe it was surprise to find Ranma there at all. Impulsively, Kasumi stepped into the hall and strode toward the pair as if she had every right to listen in on them as their big sister.

"Were you crying, Akane?" Ranma asked in concern.

"I love you, Ranma," Akane said. "Don't leave me."

Now, Kasumi regretted intruding on their private conversation. "Oh, my, I'm so sorry," she said, truly meaning it.

Ranma shuffled her bare feet on the top step and stared at the floor. "It'll only be for a couple o' days," she replied and tugged at her pigtail disconsolately.

"Do you love me?" Akane asked. She did not, immediately, receive an answer. Ranma continued pulling her pigtail with her left hand.

Finally, Ranma said, "I don't know, anymore. I'm so tired of the fighting. I don't… I don't think I'm all guy anymore, either. I use to- I was afraid of guys but didn't mind bein' a girl so much after a while… I'm still a guy but, after Kyouya…" Kasumi started backing warily from the scene. The answer built an ache in her chest.

Akane suddenly grabbed Ranma around the waist and pulled her in close. Kasumi watched in amazement while her sister opened her mouth and tried her best to suck Ranma's tongue out. The two of them remained locked like that until Kasumi stumbled backward into the door frame of the house. Kasumi found a handhold to steady her while watching Akane and Ranma disengage from that demanding kiss. "Promise me you'll come back, Ranma, please. It'll be different, I swear," she heard her sister plead.

Ranma gave a jerky nod and her sister let the shorter girl out of her grasp. Kasumi gaped while Ranma walked down the steps and across the paved stones to pass her at the threshold. She almost let the Saotome girl get away before she could claim an arm and pull Ranma into a tight hug. She said the first thing that came to mind. "I need someone to take over the house when I'm gone, Ranma-chan. I would like you to do it. I will show you everything you need to know to take care of Father and Akane-chan, even Nabiki-chan. Please, come back to us," she pleaded. "It would not be as fun without you around and we would all miss you very much."

She felt Ranma's arms squeeze her in a return of the hug and they parted. Ranma and her father left with all of his clothes and without a promise to return.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genma followed his daughter away from the Tendo house he had called home for the better part of a year. Soon, Ranma would be seventeen; the same age as his wife when she married him. The pair of them strode in silence for several blocks. He could not think of anything to say having witnessed his child's stormy eyes when she reentered the tea room to pick up her shopping bags and backpack. That last, at least, he took from her. It would look improper for a father to walk his daughter home while she carried five sixths of the luggage.

Eventually, the distance disappeared and a looming sense of doom crept into his belly. "Ranma," he began, using his child's name to indicate this was a serious topic, "before we arrive at your mother's, is that how you intend to greet her?" he asked, nodding his head toward her dress.

His daughter looked up at him with a puzzled expression that turned to alarm. "I thought Mom was okay with this. I could change back into a guy. I don' wanna get in trouble for not bein' manly."

"That isn't exactly what I mean," he replied and turned his eyes back forward to their path on the sidewalk. "You see… when your mother finally decides you're her daughter, too, are you ready for that?"

"I dunno," Ranma replied with a shrug as they walked, her hands laden with shopping bags.

"Expect your mother will want to do things with you that only women do; things like hair, makeup, shopping, girl-talk, things like that, maybe more."

"Hmmm… okay," she said, "long as she doesn't mess with my pigtail I can handle _some_ girly stuff once in a while." He grunted noncommittally in reply despite his feeling of ominous foreboding.

They arrived at the door to the apartment on the first floor corner of a small mansion and gave the buzzer a push. The sound of running feet was barely audible over the road's light traffic before the door swung open. "Ranma-chan, Husband," Nodoka cried in delight, "I did not expect you until noon!"

His wife was dressed in one of her only tomosode. The formal kimono was unrequited black, save for her parents' family kamon, or house symbol, on each breast and on the back. She wore a plain gray obi with a silvery-white obi-jime and deep gray obi-age. They were in excellent shape showing how little she ever wore it. The set had been a present from her parents before their wedding, attesting to how poor they'd been then, as well as now.

Nodoka swept Ranma up in a fierce hug and the cooing began. He had warned the girl. "Ooh, it looks like you went shopping! Can I see? Come in, come in! Welcome home!"

More than leaving Tendo-ke, crossing the threshold of his own home, with his own child, and being greeted by his lovely wife felt like the end of the dream to unite the schools. Tendo-kun would never hold as much influence over his family, again. _This_ was home.


	12. Meet the Shimeru

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Meet the Shimeru

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma seriously doubted the wisdom of showing up at her mother's apartment early. Nodoka fussed over her to an extent that made the time she'd been Tendo Ranko pale in comparison. Clearly, the Tendo cousin had not enjoyed as much favor as Saotome Ranma-chan. They had a couple of hours, yet, before noon since it was only nine forty-five, or so, when they'd arrived at the Saotome home that bright Saturday morning.

"Do you have any underwear?" her mother asked after going through the shopping bags. Most of the clothes Ranma brought were for her normal, un-cursed body. She had a couple of overly-feminine dresses from her adventures in amnesia and the cute combination from the ill-fated shopping trip with her mother during the Ranko-days. The combo was her personal favorite, not only because her mother purchased it but because Ranma had personally picked it out with help from her mother and Tendo Akane. It consisted of a black hat, white lace-collared blouse, black sweater, black leggings, black stockings, black shoes, and a black mini-skirt decorated with abstract-looking dark red roses. Black was good, in her book. 'Cept for black roses,' she qualified.

She had no black underwear, though. "I moved all of my underwear to this apartment," Ranma waved her hand in the general direction, suddenly worried about how to explain it without mentioning Kyouya, "that I c'n use so the old freak can't find them."

Ranma dodged a number of questions about the apartment and her clothes and decided to change into a set of black silk pants and a blue silk shirt. After a quick trip to the bathroom, she was ready for some roof-hopping. Taking a couple of empty Mushi's bags and promising to be back right away, she made a quick run to Green Hills via rooftop to grab her things. When she returned, she had to show her mother everything from there, too, including her school uniform. 'The apartment was empty before. Now, it _really_ looks vacant,' she thought ruefully while her mother excitedly inspected her things. Her father sat at the table, still with its winter kotatsu, watching. He did not look upset or put out in the least.

"Oh, I'll bet you look just adorable in traditional clothes," Nodoka enthused. "Don't you think so, Dear," she asked her husband.

Instead of helping Ranma, her father pushed his glasses back up his nose and nodded, thoughtfully. "She does, indeed, Nodoka-chan. The Tendo girls have helped Ranma-chan with yukata and furisode on holidays."

Ranma shot her father a look of disappointment for his betrayal but her mother was already kneeling at a big chest of long drawers lining one entire side of the main room. She realized she couldn't blame him, really. He had warned about her mother and her cagy old man knew better than to support a pointless argument.

Walking over to see what her mother had stored away, Ranma was impressed by the royal blue bundle Nodoka was gently lifting out of a bottom drawer. Her mother stood and carried it to an open space in the floor. Ranma knelt beside her to see while Nodoka carefully unfolded the richly colored cloth. Long sleeves were folded inside for what would turn out to be an elegant furisode. Near the bottom of the left side, stylized gold koi swam and leapt in gold waves and rippling rings over the royal blue background representing the water. Farther up, a golden crescent moon was embroidered where it would lie on the right thigh when worn.

"This was my mother's, Ranma-chan. I wore it when I met your father and I think you should wear it to meet Shimeru-sama."

"Gah, that's too expensive, Mom," Ranma breathed. She was hard on clothes and her memory of the pill-box misunderstanding made her even more cautious.

"Actually, it is not all that expensive compared to most of the other furisode. However, many families do rent them, nowadays. This one is old. I think it was my great grandmother's so please take care of it. Even if it is not the best, it is the most expensive one we own," her mother explained.

"We? Mom-"

"Go take a quick shower while I sew on the sleeves. You can use my deodorant. Leave the door unlocked so I can bring the hadajuban and tabi. If we hurry, you can get ready in time for the limousine," her mother insisted. "Genma, dear, your things are in that drawer over there."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It took them all of the remaining hour and a half and ended up delaying the limo another twenty minutes but the three Saotome were finally ready to go. Ranma shuffled out the door after her father. His own formal kimono consisted of layers of black over white. Even his hakama was black. They had no family kamon but she could imagine a panda face worked in white thread on the back of his haori. Ranma stifled a giggle thinking the color theme was at least consistent with his curse.

The chauffer opened the left rear door to the large black sedan and Ranma was momentarily confused until her father held out his hand to help her mother into the seat. The chauffer closed the door, carefully and walked around to the other side. Her father held out his hand and Ranma stared at it, confused, until he took her hand anyway and led her around to the other side where she was ensconced into the plush leather seats beside her mother.

"Do not worry so, Ranma-chan. This is all part of the formality. I am very glad you and Genma could come over early enough so we could get properly ready," her mother said with a warm smile and reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

The front passenger door opened and the chauffer held it until her father was safely buckled in. A few seconds later the big black sedan quietly rolled away toward a marriage interview that Ranma was on the wrong side of.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Baimei was currently male not just because he was nervous but because the families had to match. "Saotome-san is coming as a girl?" she had asked his mother, Nikorin, who was male at the time once she'd heard the news.

"The driver said she would be a little late. The Saotome family is coming in traditional formal attire and that Ranma-chan will be female," Nikorin answered. That was almost half an hour ago.

Fortunately, they would all go Western-style. It was too difficult to get everyone dressed in traditional clothes in time for the Saotome family's arrival so, for now, he wore a black tuxedo. He hoped he could wear a white one for marrying Ranma one day, although pretty much anything would be good if it were for marrying her.

He checked his bowtie in the mirror and rubbed his face inspecting for traces of stubble. Shimeru biology precluded serious facial hair but he liked being neat and well groomed. Unfortunately, now that he was ready, the wait was interminable. "Dad, how do I look?" he asked and turned to his father who was wearing a nearly identical tuxedo. The same was true for his grandfather sitting at the room's small table looking over details of the investigation one more time.

"You look fine, son," Baijo told him and went back to memorizing notes written on index cards.

Now, all of the Shimeru family were busily preparing for the unexpected first formal meeting between their family and the Saotome. Baimei was in one room with his father, Baijo, and grandfather, Baiko. His brothers-in-law were next door. His mother, Nikorin, and sisters, Baito and Baisuke, were probably still dressing in his parents' room across the hall. They all had rooms but, for wardrobe changes, his family decided to use this one, his grandfather's, for the men and the one across the hall, his parents', for the women. It also helped the staff that his father hired to get everyone dressed up.

His grandfather, Baiko, absently said, "Well, we did not expect them to come dressed formally because they are in rather tight financial straits so it does throw a small wrench in our plan." He closed the report and sat back in the room's plush desk chair. "But it is only a minor inconvenience and we had plenty of time to change. The girls will be ready on time, too, I'm sure."

"Dad, you explained it to them, right; that they were supposed to come informally and the wardrobe company would get them ready?" Baimei asked. What he did not ask was whether the change in plan cost the Saotome family a mark.

Baijo replied absently, still flipping between note cards, "I promised Saotome Nodoka-san we would provide all of their wardrobe for the weekend figuring they'd come dressed semi-formal. It's my fault for not specifically requesting it."

"Don't worry, Baimei," Grandpa Baiko reassured him. "I said it is only a minor inconvenience. We were going to get dressed up after introductions and a light meal before beginning the formal discussions, anyway. They saved us a couple of hours, at least, and I can't fault them for wearing their best and treating this meeting seriously, now, can I?"

Put that way, Baimei felt some relief that Ranma-chan would not be penalized for her family getting the instructions wrong and that his grandfather was right: they _would_ have a couple of extra hours together. "Is it okay to meet them in Western-style clothes… if they're wearing traditional?" he asked, still a little nervous.

His father intervened. "It's _fine_, son. They aren't part of our family, yet, and there is nothing wrong with mixing styles as long as the level of formality is sufficient. Like your Grandpa said, it's _good_ they are taking this seriously. It's better than what the investigator's report suggested. Now, why don't you go next door, relax and watch the game with your brothers. You hardly get to see them when you're at school."

Forty minutes later, his whole family was waiting in the Old Otani Hotel's tea garden outside. Baimei was impressed by the use of space to create distinct little worlds. It was only accessible from the hotel through a door guarded by hotel staff that transitioned from carpet to hardwood floors, darkened and worn by age. Small, but grand, washrooms to the left and right inside of the entrance helped to separate the semi-modern hotel from the more traditional ryokan setting. The impression of an inn was reinforced by the shoeboxes on either side filled with guest slippers. He followed his father's example and took a numbered tag off the box for his shoes, wondering about it, and slipped it in a pocket.

Slippers on, he followed the hardwood path straight ahead to a fusuma, where it forked off left and right. The right path led them to a wing set up for elegant Western dining where his family was currently gathering. Large sliding windows facing the garden were wide open letting a cool gentle breeze flow in the room. High overhead, slowly rotating ceiling fans quietly pulled the warm air out through screened roof vents. The most impressive feature, however, was the giant fireplace surrounded by bookshelves that occupied the wall opposite the windows. He doubted the fireplace even worked but it looked authentic enough as a decoration.

At the nearest side of the room to the hall entrance was a rectangular table large enough to seat ten people; four on each side and one on each end. Beyond that, the room was set up with three small round tables the hotel staff was arranging trays of hors d'oeuvres on. Baimei eyed them, hungrily. It _was_ lunchtime. There was also a place back in the far corner set up for a bartender and, as good as the snacks looked, a big glass of cola and ice sounded better. He barely refrained from helping himself, thinking to wait until the Saotome family arrived. No one else was helping themselves, either, so he took the hint and tried to remain patient.

Instead, he wandered over to the open glass doors. There was another shoebox outside, filled with geta of varying sizes and colors of thongs. He sat down on the edge with his feet on the step below and put a pair on before descending the single wooden step into the garden. The hotel's tea garden was a small square of carefully tended greenery centered about a tall, twisted pine tree. A simple path meandered around the tree and there were four park benches almost hidden among the many varied flora. Lanterns hung from the tree branches to light the path at night. It looked larger than it truly was. Baimei hummed in appreciation for the economy of design.

Strolling around the right side of the great tree, he approached the back wall to take a better look at the tiny garden growing out of it. It was tiered very steeply in concrete but each tier held a multitude of flowering plants. Water bubbled and fell over the molded cement wall from one trough to another, feeding a lush array of water plants to end in a modest, oblong lily pond at the foot of the wall. The corners of the square garden appeared to be relatively dry so Baimei guessed the waterfall was contained, somehow, to a fixed length to each side of the center. That did not mean the corners were barren. Indeed, they were overgrown with wild plantings of flowers, shrubs and grasses. He stared at the hypnotic waterfall for a few minutes before shaking himself loose.

Opposite the right wing, he had no idea which direction on the compass it might be, was the left wing. This one had a long, low table set up over a tatami floor. Inspirational scrolls and works of watercolor lined the back wall. The table, though, held his attention. 'Maybe there'll be a party, later,' he wondered. 'A little sake, a few jokes and compliments…' His mind let his libido do the driving for a moment before clamping down on those thoughts. 'It'd sure be awesome if we could get together,' he thought wistfully. 'That would answer the compatibility question, but good.' He knew his mother, Nikorin, would be the hardest one to convince. Ranma was not Shimeru and would under his mother's critical eye as daughter-in-law, if she made it that far.

Reluctantly, he continued along the path coming at last to the formal, traditional-style room and realized it really _was_ a tea house. It had no tables or chairs of any sort but he did see an ancient looking square hole in the floor consuming half a tatami. The shoji facing the garden were open and he could see the fusuma along the back wall where he suspected the wooden hallways led to join at the entrance. Curious, he left his geta on the first step and climbed onto the engawa before the tea room. Looking back out, he realized that, while both traditional sides of the U around the garden had engawa, or outside hallways, the Western-style room enclosed the entire garden side in windows, fixed or sliding.

Getting back to the matter at hand, Baimei inspected the old fire pit, fully expecting it to be a prop. It wasn't. Even cold, it smelled like freshly burned wood and charcoal. It was also scraped clean inside, unlike a staged recreation. He looked up to see the eaves in the ceiling were overlapped in a double-roof allowing the room to vent properly. A cold knot formed in his stomach. 'They better not expect _me_ to make any tea. I'd probably burn the hotel down after I burn the tea.'

He retreated to the steps and sat to stuff his feet into the geta and looked up. Both of his sisters were staring at him through the open sliding windows. They wore identical, malevolent smirks. "Oh, fuck me," he moaned. 'Stupid sisters, I _swear_ their practical jokes got worse after they hit puberty. They were never this bad when they were boys all the time.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They were fortunate the weather was still cool enough not to drive them inside. His mother and sisters wore big, fluffy European ball gowns and Baimei had no idea how they would sit on the tatami, not that they would have to if tonight's meetings were in the Western-style wing. Of course, his parents scheduled several clothing and gender-swaps for their secret agenda so they could easily have supper in the other wing.

At last, one of the hotel staff came in to let them know the limousine carrying the Saotome family had arrived. Shimeru Fusaki, the nakodo, or go-between for the omiai, stood ready to make the introductions. He was round in the middle and nearly a skeleton everywhere else. He definitely needed more exercise in his life but his presence was merely a formality because his parents did all of the leg-work in the selection process. Still, he did his work for all of the Shimeru family. His particular branch of the clan had been making matches between them for centuries and is sponsored by the clan head so _not_ using his services was frowned upon.

"Should we go meet them?" he asked his father, Baijo, and received a hand on the shoulder discretely telling him to stay and behave himself.

Soon enough, they could hear greetings being exchanged and the Shimeru family formed up in the open space between the dinner table and hors d'oeuvre tables. Baimei stood at his father's right on the end. His mother and grandfather were on the other side with the rest trailing out to the fireplace on the left. The first through the entrance was Shimeru Fusaki, wearing his tuxedo like all the Shimeru men but after him came Saotome Genma. He looked alarmingly different than in the spy photos. Those candid shots of him were very casual but here he looked like a Yokozuna under layers of formal clothing. He strode like a giant cat after the Shimeru matchmaker. 'Or maybe like a bear. He's supposed to have a panda curse,' he remembered. Saotome Genma was not tall but he looked imposing, nonetheless. He wore white on black on white.

Behind him was Ranma-chan's mother. Her houmongi was mostly gray over black but her hair had a maroon hue to it. She had a pleasant smile and if this was what Ranma would look like in twenty years, he could bear it.

Tantalizing flashes of red hair and blue silk held his attention as the Saotome parents moved to the side to show Ranma. She wore a furisode bluer than her eyes. The obi around her waist was a deeper, stronger red than her hair and was decorated with myriad little golden flowers and held with a sky-blue obijime. The nagajuban and obiage were a matching pale purplish-pink somewhere between plum and cherry blossom colors. He also spied a black lacquered fan tucked inside her obiage. Her hair, in contrast, was bound in a simple, short ponytail with a narrow golden ribbon that nearly matched the gold thread in her furisode's depiction of the moon over a pond of golden koi. She was almost tiny. Ranma's head tilted back to look up at him, her eyes wide in apprehension and mouth coming open in a little, "oh."

Introductions began with Fusaki's help. He bowed, saying, "I am the family matchmaker, Shimeru Fusaki. Saotome-sama, please note the Shimeru family often use only hiragana for given names." Indicating he would introduce the Saotome family, first, he began introducing everyone. "The prospective bride's family consists of the father, Saotome Genma-sama, written like dark horse, mother, Saotome Nodoka-sama, and daughter, Saotome Ranma-ojousama, written like wild horse." Baimei pulled his eyes from the dainty-looking super-girl to meet her parents, properly; at least, he hoped he did.

Then, Fusaki turned toward him to begin introductions on their side. "The Shimeru family consists of son and prospective groom, Shimeru Baimei-sama, father, Shimeru Baijo-sama, mother, Shimeru Nikorin-sama, grandfather, Shimeru Baiko-sama, brother-in-law, Shimeru Fumori-sama, his wife and Baimei-sama's sister, Shimeru Baito-sama, brother-in-law, Shimeru Nibun-sama, his wife and Baimei-sama's sister, Shimeru Baisuke-sama." Each person named bowed low toward the other family when introduced, repeated his, or her, name, and asked the others treat them kindly.

When the ordeal was finally over, Baimei realized he hadn't the foggiest idea what to do next. Each family stood facing the other. His father came to the rescue. "Saotome-sama, neither of you two," he said, indicating father and daughter with a smile and slight bow, "have seen me as a man when we met in the Mushi department store but I assure you, I am Shimeru Baijo. You also met my father, Shimeru Baiko," he said.

Grandpa bowed and explained, "I wear a wig when going out as a woman. Long hair is too difficult to maintain at my age," and laughed, rubbing the stubble on his head. That broke the ice a little.

Baimei found his eyes continually drawn to the short redhead. She stared up at his family but shied away from meeting his gaze. A thrill ran up his spine at the thought this whole event was very, almost-impossibly real. 'How can I talk to her? _I'm_ not ready to talk to her. I don't even know what to say.' He began to sweat under the pressure.

"Saotome-san," his mother said and began the less formal exchanges by stepping closer to the two new women, "you two look so wonderful and you look so alike no one could possibly mistake you for being mother and daughter."

Ranma-chan and her mother both returned identical strained smiles and sweat-drops. Ranma-chan laughed, nervously. "Heheheh, right."

Her mother, Nodoka, covered her mouth and exclaimed, "Oh, my."

Baimei's sisters both joined her mother. Baito announced, "I hope you like surprises because we've hired someone to help with a little entertainment. A pair of hands fell on his back and he found himself pushed by his eldest sister, Baisuke toward the knot of women. Baito continued with a faint smirk, "Our little brother hasn't had the opportunity to practice the tea ceremony so we hired an expert to show him how. Have you ever tried the tea ceremony? You can learn it with him," she offered.

Groaning inwardly, Baimei now recognized the signs of competition growing between the parents. His father and grandfather were drawing Ranma-chan's father off to the side and knew they'd started the preliminaries, already. 'Why do parents have to _do_ this crap?' he wondered. A glance toward Ranma's mother was enough to see she was aware of the subtle by-play starting up between the families, too.

"As long as there's no monkeys," Ranma-chan stated, looking quite serious despite the nature of the comment.

Baimei chortled, covering a bark of laughter. It had been an odd thing to say but his mother and sisters were sufficiently put off balance by it to at least temporarily forget their strategizing. "Oh, my," Nodoka said, "that _would_ be improper."

He decided to rescue Ranma right now. Even _he_ could barely take his sisters' ribbing. "Say, Saotome Ranma-san, would you like something to eat?" he asked. "There are trays of hors d'oeuvres," he suggested with his best smile.

"Orz-whats?" Ranma asked but the way her face lit up when he mentioned eating conveyed her interest. He held his arm out to her and she blinked in confusion until her mother whispered in her ear. Ranma blushed cutely and approached to slip her hand up under his forearm. He led her slowly over to the snack trays. "Oh, yeah, hors d'oeuvres!" she said with growing excitement, thoroughly surprising him. Her accent was heavily French; much better than his.

"Do you speak French?" he blurted out.

"Huh? Oh… nah. I learned some from Madam Saint du Paul when I studied under her to defeat Picolet Chardin the third."

"Was he, or she, a French street fighter?" he asked, again marveling at her genuine-sounding accent.

Three trays were laden with heavy-looking European finger-foods. Two others bore heaps of sliced fruit, some with chocolate coatings and pierced with sticks like yakiniku or tako balls. The last tray held tiers of fresh sliced vegetables and a variety of sauces. Ranma found the plates and began filling one up. "Oh, no," she said, distractedly, "he's half Nihonjin and practiced la Bell France style martial arts eating." The impossibility of that statement threw him for a loop. He took a plate, himself, trying to guess what to say next but noticed Baisuke had crept up behind to listen. Ranma unexpectedly added, "His parents went to France an' left him home, I think. He's supposed to go to some Catholic school here."

Growing worried that his sister may start teasing him, or worse yet, Ranma-chan, he began filling his own plate making sure to stay between them. "This food looks good. I wonder what these are?" he asked, pointing at some fried cake without the least care whether Ranma knew, or not, only that it kept the conversation innocuous.

"I think they're croquette," she answered, anyway. "They look different than the ones I had before but Madam Saint du Paul showed me how to make them. They're a lot like dango. I should show these to Pop. He'd like them," she said and helped herself to two differently shaped ones. Her obvious expertise with foreign delicacies did not quite shake him out of staring at the elaborate book-style musubi tied high up her back with her red and gold obi. The sides were flared in ruffled wings and below her neck another sky-blue cord tied some of it into a package begging to be unwrapped. The real package he wanted was lower, curving smoothly down her legs.

"Amazing, Saotome-san," Baisuke congratulated her. "I only heard about them last year in a cooking class."

"Eh, all I know anything about is fighting and food," Ranma said, shrugging off the compliment. She smiled, though, and it made him uncomfortably warm.

"Saotome-san," his sister began in a serious, quiet tone of voice that rang his mental alarms, "as you can see, our family is rather tall. Will that be a problem for you? My little brother grew up as a tall young woman and it made her overly conscious of her height. You know how people can be in school. She stood out quite a bit." Baimei felt a cold clammy hand of death upon his heart listening to his sister reveal one of his most personal secrets.

Plate filled and cloth napkin in hand, Ranma turned to look up at first his sister, then him. "I've always been different. I talk like a hick an' I'm better'n everybody at sports. Just 'cause you're tall doesn't mean you're not normal, more normal than me, 'cept that you change sex, too."

"I am sorry for mentioning it. It's just that Baimei is a little sensitive about it," Baisuke said contritely.

Ranma gazed up at him and popped two melon balls into her mouth chewing silently, those liquid blue eyes of hers unblinking. He tried to smile but it came out weak to match how he felt. She swallowed her food and he swallowed to work his suddenly-dry mouth. Without looking, Ranma picked a canapé from her plate and said, "I'm used to looking up at people. Is it a problem I'm so short?" The tiny open sandwich went into her mouth but she never looked away from him.

It took a moment to realize he'd been challenged. "No! You aren't too short. I think you're really cute!" His sister laughed. 'Oh, no! I said it! She'll think I'm a pervert, or weird!' he thought but Ranma smiled around her mouthful. It made her look adorable.

"Hah! I think my little brother likes you, Saotome-san. Better watch out or he'll try to steal your panties," Baisuke teasingly warned. Ranma's eyes few open wide and she gasped, choking on her canapé.

"Saotome-san, are you all right?" he asked, quickly setting his plate down and relieving her of her own while the tiny redhead worked to swallow the rest of her food and clear her windpipe. He spared glare to his sister while Ranma coughed, gasped and swallowed trying to regain a proper separation in the paths between lungs and stomach.

"I am terribly sorry, Saotome-san," Baisuke sincerely apologized. "It was poor timing and I should never have said something so discourteous. Please forgive me and my family." She bowed deeply but Ranma shook her head and held out a hand to forestall any more discussion while she labored to get her breathing back under control. He waited anxiously to hear the verdict knowing this was how his sisters normally behaved and hoping Ranma would be able to tolerate them. He wanted to rub her back but was afraid it might look as if his sister might be right in her accusation.

At last, Ranma felt able to speak and wiped her eyes with her napkin. "Sorry about that. It's like everyone wants to steal my shorts, nowadays. I should o' expected it. Maybe Mom's right." Baimei could almost hear what her sister's likely response would be but, for a wonder, she held her tongue. Ranma finally smiled and accepted her plate of hors d'oeuvres back. "I'm safe for now. Mom insisted we go traditional so good luck with that, Shimeru-san," she saucily replied.

Baisuke giggled while his mind made the necessary connection. 'No panties! She's not _wearing_ any.' His eyes drooped along her figure.

Ranma cleared her throat again. "I'm not _that_ short," she said. He jerked his eyes up to see her smirking like a cat. "Are you _sure_ you were born a girl?" she asked. "Never mind," she quickly added and reached up with her napkin to daub under his nose. "Oh, my, Shimeru-san, you seem to be leaking."

Baisuke's laughter behind him was unnerving. 'Ranma-chan is such a tease!' he thought in amazement. 'She'd fit great in our house. Wait! What am I _thinking?'_ Indeed, he would have two mischievous sisters _and_ a wife to make trouble for him. He wanted out of the tuxedo's coat. It was too hot in the room.

"Lighten up, Baimei-san," she said, using his given name for the first time, "and call me Ranma. You too, Baisuke-san. I can't go around calling eight differ'nt people the same name. It got old, like, ten seconds after our greetings, maybe less.

He nodded, head figuratively spinning at the abrupt change in formality. Baisuke grinned replying, "Sure thing, Ranma-chan." He groaned.

Ranma stuck her tongue out at his sister. "Whatever, Suke-chan."

"Oooh, then you can call Little Brother, Mei-chan," his sister offered.

The little redhead smiled up at him. "Okay," she said and slipped an arm around his, "Pop said we might as well have fun while we're here so be a good man and escort me around to the soda pop, Mei-chan."

He ignored his sister's smirk, picked up his plate with the other hand and led Ranma-chan the handful of steps across the room away from the windows toward the small bar area. An older man stood by behind the small counter trying to look busy arranging glasses and rechecking his stock. He felt her let go of his arm while he looked over the selection of non-alcoholic drink. His father would be keeping an eye on him for early drinking, not that he was a lush like Baito. It was just that this was family _business_, and business allowed almost no booze, except after hours and where no one but family would think anything of an ill-planned gender change.

"Ranma-san, what would you like to drink?" he asked, turning toward his prospective fiancée, only to find her licking her fingers with cheeks bulging full of food. The plate in her left hand was completely empty. She pointed toward the cola with a damp finger. "Two ice cola, please," he requested.

"I will take care of that plate for you, young miss," the bartender offered. Ranma-chan held the plate out and he placed it out of sight under the bar. She gulped down the mass of hors d'oeuvres and carefully accepted the hot towel he delivered with tongs to her hands.

"Thank you very much," she said, wiping her hands on the steaming towel.

He bent to whisper to her, "I thought hot water…"

She took his meaning and whispered back, "Takes more than that. Not much, though." She finished wiping and waited for the bartender to finish pouring their drinks before handing him back the used towel.

Drinks in hand, they moved out of the way so his sister could request two iced coffee. He and Ranma stood together sipping and keeping an eye on their parents. Baimei winced upon seeing how his father and grandfather had formed the base of a triangle with Ranma's father, who's posture looked defensive even to his amateur eye. 'Looks like they're grilling him, already. Poor Ranma-chan.'

His mother and other sister had Ranma's mother similarly cornered. Just then, he heard his sister Baito's voice clear over the subdued conversation. "Father and Grandfather have been training Baimei to be a man for almost ten years. They started before she hit puberty. He's in Todai, now, in the business program."

'Bragging,' he thought. 'They're bragging about me! Ranma-chan didn't start changing until recently and she had no one like I did to help her.'

"My husband raised my son to be very manly. I am sure my daughter can also be womanly," Saotome Nodoka replied but looked stressed and a little pale, nonetheless.

Aghast at the growing competition between parents, he stole a furtive glance at Ranma-chan and stopped breathing upon seeing how her eyes were narrowed on his younger sister. "Ranma-san, my folks are just bragging. A friend at school says his parents did the same with everyone before he got married."

Ranma did not reply. Instead, she gulped down the rest of her cup of cola and crunched the ice in her mouth. "They look thirsty," she said, evenly. Baimei had a bad feeling crawl up his spine when she spun in her slippers and shuffled in her heavy, constricting furisode back toward the bar. He followed her and slugged down the rest of his soda, too.

"Do you have a tray?" she asked the barman sweetly. He did. "Baimei-san, can you tell the nice man here what the rest of your family likes to drink?" she asked. Turning back to the barman, she said, "My Mom and Pop would like some iced tea, please, and add a few extra, if you can fit them."

That foreboding feeling continued growing while he rattled off a list of his best guesses. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Baisuke deliver one of her iced coffees to their mother, drawing her off to the side for a quiet word. His mind ran rampant with speculation while the bartender filled a tray with glasses and Ranma smiled brilliantly.

"I've worked as a waitress sometimes," she suddenly announced to him and the bartender. "I know how to handle a tray." At his questioning glance she winked and said, "Trust me." Ranma slid the tray onto her left palm and took on a look of faint concentration before giving him a cat-like grin and moving the tray around in a tight circle. None of the contents sloshed even the tiniest amount. Her grin changed into a pleasant smile and she turned toward the cluster of men. His brothers had joined from their sidelined position and it looked more like four on one than five equals.

"I heard magical girls are rare outside of manga and anime," the hotel staff barman said. "If you find one, hold onto her." Baimei could only nod, dumbly, and noted the man's name tag said "Shimeru."

He stood next to the small portable bar, watching while Ranma-chan offered drinks to his grandfather, first, followed by his father and brothers before her own father, who looked both surprised and inordinately pleased. She bowed to each, delivering the drinks smoothly and professionally, offering each person a warm smile. Then, she went to his mother and sister, Baisuke, who were rejoining Saotome Nodoka and Baito. Ranma-chan served them, politely, just as she had with the men, and offered napkins to the two who already had drinks of their own.

Baimei gravitated closer so he could hear, now that Ranma had made her point of knowing how to at least pretend she was a cultured woman. Her mother's face was lit happily. The woman who looked so much like Ranma praised her saying, "Ranma-chan, you did that very well! Thank you."

Ranma's face flushed. "Thanks, Mom," she said and gave her mother a big hug while still holding the tray with four full glasses. Astoundingly, the tray was held sideways, yet nothing on it moved an inch; nothing in the glasses moved, either. He stared. His mother stared. His sisters stared. One of his brothers-in-law snorted in his drink, no doubt making a mess, but Baimei gave the barest attention over that way. His sight was glued to the tray with its contents that looked glued on.

His prospective fiancée broke the hug and righted the tray. "Ranma-chan, did you learn that from your father?" Nodoka asked. He thought she was surprisingly aware of what should have been a catastrophe but wasn't.

"No, Mother, I learned it from a three hundred year old Amazon warrior when I worked as a waitress in her restaurant," Ranma answered. "I don't think Father knows that technique."

With a patient smile, her mother replied, "Sure he does, dear. A panda does not have opposable thumbs. How did you think he could write?"

Now it was Ranma's turn to look dumbfounded. After that, she scowled and turned toward her father, who was watching with mild disapproval. "Pop, how come you never taught me that?" she demanded.

"What are you talking about, boy? I started training you to do that before you turned fourteen and you've seen me do it every day since Jusenkyou. It isn't _my_ fault you're thick-headed." The imposing man's tone turned melodramatic. "Oh, how it wounds your father to have you finally learn a technique from a rival school," Saotome Genma said with growing theatrics.

Ranma-chan looked down at the tray slanting forward in her hands, drinks still magically glued to it. She was pouting and it made her infinitely cute in his eyes. He moved over to her side just as her mother scolded, "Do not yell at your father and do not pout, Ranma-chan. It is not very womanly. Now, why don't you and Baimei-kun go for a walk outside," she suggested.

"Yeah, Mom," Ranma agreed sloughing off some of her funk. She held the tray upright and offered him another drink. There was an iced coffee and an iced tea left along with a Calpis and ginger ale. He took the first. She took the second and delivered the tray back to the bartender with a word of thanks. Deciding to be as gentlemanly as possible about it, he went over to the sliding screen door and opened it, kicking off his slippers, so he could step out and put the house geta on and help Ranma-chan with hers. Moving around in a full kimono wasn't easy.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma felt a rising flush as Shimeru Baimei crouched to fit the smallest geta in the shoebox onto her feet. The feeling of being pampered like that while he worked the thong to sit properly between her toes one foot at a time stirred something pleasant inside. He had sat his cup of iced coffee on the box of complimentary geta by the door. She still clung to her iced tea feeling some small relief at its cool wetness in her hands.

He finished and stood, still way taller than she even when standing a dozen centimeters or so higher on the step to the West wing of the enormous tea house. The sun was almost half way down the horizon and she decided the small garden would be in the shade soon enough. The side she was on was already covered in part by shadow.

Baimei held his arm out for her and she felt her flush deepen but took it anyway. 'I'm _s'posed_ to be a girl, now,' she remembered. She had no desire to have her mother and father lecture her again in front of the Shimeru. She peered back through the windows seeing her father and the other Shimeru men line up at the hors d'oeuvre trays. 'I never got to tell him about the croquettes.'

Her prospective fiancé guided her in a slow stroll around the garden while they sipped their drinks. She became aware just how slow he was strolling when she realized she was walking slowly herself despite having such a tiny stride while wearing her heavy furisode. In no time at all, they reached a sunnier patch out of the shadow of the building and found a many-tiered waterfall. She decided to have mercy on him out of duty as a proper woman, or her impression of one, and as a return for his tolerance of her little temper tantrum back there. She pulled him to a stop in front of the waterfall. "This is kind o' cool," she said in a poor attempt at starting conversation. It worked, though, and she gave him another point in favor.

"Yes, I was thinking the same thing when I saw it earlier. There are little planters in the troughs; some for water plants. Outside of this area with the water the troughs are filled with regular plants."

Ranma always found it amazing the mental tricks gardeners used to arrange plants and other things. "Some of the places Pop an' I travelled had really cool gardens. I got in trouble sometimes for messing around in them but I got to learn about them, too. Sometimes, trees and rocks are _put_ places instead of the monks or gardeners finding them there and deciding to take care of them."

"You sound like you're interested in gardening," Baimei said.

She thought it over while staring at the water tumbling over the tiny falls from trough to trough. "Yeah, I guess. I always figured that when I got old I'd sit and prune trees all day an' tell my students to work harder."

That earned her a chuckle and she found herself smiling, too. He asked, "Kind of like some ancient martial arts master out of a movie or television show?"

"Mm hmm," she hummed. "Now, I don't know what's going to happen."

"You mean, now that you change into a woman?" he asked softly, like he could read her mind.

Ranma became aware of the sun baking the top of her head. She was already warm despite the milder air outside. The drink sweating in her hand reminded her it would do more to cool her inside her stomach so she tilted it back and drank until only the ice remained. Aware she'd ignored him, Ranma turned to look up into his brown eyes. "Does it change who I am?" she asked, not sure why she would ever share that with anyone, much less a stranger. Then again, maybe that made him safer to confide in.

"It does… a little," he admitted, staring into his own drink, a cloudy brown with dark ice cubes. "But… it doesn't change everything. My mom said that whoever you are, you're you." Ranma crouched and set her cup of ice on the grass next to the narrow pond's edge. "My brothers would probably understand you best," he said. "They were born boys and started changing just before high school. It's weird thinking about it because one moment, they were normal guys and the next, they started changing. It happened to Baisuke, first. I was still in elementary school when he came home to tell Mom that he'd changed. I thought he was some cousin of ours visiting." There was a pause Ranma used to try imagining an entire family of gender-changers. Baimei went on to say, "It happens to everyone in my family. Mom and Dad gave me the talk on my tenth birthday but I already knew from my brothers." Ranma-chan dipped a finger in the pond and gently swirled it around watching the small eddies.

"Are… your brothers, are they all girl, now?" she asked.

For a moment, he didn't answer but eventually replied, "No, not really. They _are_ girls with their husbands but their husbands are girls, normally, like I am and they're boys, normally, like I guess you are. In bed, they're girls, though." Ranma continued stirring the water but her gaze was farther than the pond was deep. Sounding reluctant, Baimei asked, "I'd be a guy in bed. As I get older, I'll have more control over which gender I am but Grandpa said it would never be fun to do, you know, as a girl. I know it's different for you. If that's a problem…"

'If that's a problem,' Ranma thought. 'Is it? I can get excited as a guy but I can as a girl, too.' It all came back to her goals in life. "I w-want a family. Mom an' Pop want me married real bad but I guess that's okay. You know I… There's this girl, Tendo Akane, I been engaged to for most of a year now and there's other girls who like me, one other Pop engaged me to. I- There's too many. It stresses me out." She stood up and flicked the water off her finger, almost wiping it on her mother's furisode before remembering a handkerchief tucked into her sleeve's hidden pocket.

"I'm getting kind of hot," Baimei admitted. "Let's finish our tour of the garden and sit in the shade."

'That black tuxedo isn't the best thing for sunny days,' she decided and nodded while refolding her kerchief and stuffing it in the sleeve pocket. He held his arm out and she took it. The two of them strolled in silence, pausing on the shady side of the old pine tree to gaze into the East wing of the tea house but she'd seen similar places and was more ready to just park herself on a bench while the parents did their posturing inside.

When they reached the shaded corner between the West wing and the tea house, she sank gratefully onto the slatted wood and bronze bench, its metal green from age. He sat down next to her and stretched his feet out with a sigh. "Do your feet hurt?" she asked.

"It's these geta," he said. "I'm not used to hard shoes."

"Oh. I'm… sorry to hear that," she quietly replied. 'I am _not_ going to rub his feet so he better not ask.'

"It must be strange," he commented, "being engaged to a girl while looking for guys, too. I had not thought about that in a while."

"You've thought about it?" Ranma blurted out.

"Well, most people in our clan start developing attraction to the opposite sex they were born in before the change hits. After that, we switch to the same sex we were born in. Of course, we're the opposite sex, then. Just about everyone in the clan wonders why, when the change hits us, but no one knows. All we know is that our clan is from Shimeru Island and everyone in the clan has the same problem."

"Huh," she replied. "Weird."

He laughed, shortly. "Yep, weird. You know, I don't think anyone outside of our clan could understand like you. I _do_ know most people would be seriously disturbed by finding out we change genders."

Ranma felt a grin form and turned to show the tall man four years her senior. "The life of a martial artist is fraught with weird shi- er… stuff."

He laughed. "So why don't you tell me about some of this weird stuff," he said.

Startled that anyone might want to actually listen to her, she faced him, asking incredulously, "You _sure_ you want to know. I mean, some of it can scare the hair off a panda."

His smile faltered and she wondered if she'd said too much but he explained, "I've always been tall for my age. Most of the girls were afraid of me and, when I started turning into a man, I was tall then, too. I placed pretty well in my exams but that meant a lot of cram school and not a lot of friends, girls or guys so… well, I _like_ having people talk to me. My sisters tell me I get too serious, anyway, and need to loosen up." She frowned at how people could suck, sometimes. He grinned back. She frowned some more, this time because of him. He smirked and said, "You're cute when you pout." Her lower lip crept out and her eyebrows began knitting together in exasperation. "Don't get like that. Tell me a story," he playfully said and slung his right arm around to rub her right shoulder.

Ranma's eyebrows twitched at his bold maneuver but his face was reddening and his body tensed as if waiting for the rejection. She'd been on that side of the fence many times and knew how it felt to get one's ass kicked. "You may hold me but no groping or I swear I'll hurt you," she said putting cold iron into her voice. He gulped quite satisfactorily. She nodded back and kicked off her geta, squirming into a comfortable position with her legs curled up on the rest of the bench. Ranma snuggled into his side and began describing her relationships and their background. To her surprise, he listened to all of it, asking questions for clarification, empathizing with her injustices and laughing at the dumber moments in life.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Genma gazed out of the open shoji at his daughter. Alongside him was Shimeru Baiko. The two of them had quietly excused themselves to spy on the kids from the tea room and were sipping shouchuu made of sweet potatoes and poured over fancy ice. A lot of the conversation over the past two and a half hours had become less confrontational after his daughter's demonstration of martial arts applied to serving drinks. She'd proven she could perform wifely duties well in public.

Now, he could just see the top of her ponytail and bow curled as she was into Shimeru Baimei's side. There was no mistaking her voice, however. Ranma was talking her head off. It was so like his child to talk and talk until there was nothing left to be said, then talk some more, trying to engage him in conversation. His little boy loved talking and so did his little girl, it seemed. 'Nodoka is like that, too,' he remembered. 'It must have been hard on her with us gone,' he thought in a moment of rare insight.

"Your daughter seems comfortable with my grandson," Baiko commented.

Genma grunted in return. Despite how it may have appeared with all of the Shimeru men ganging up on him and the women on his wife, his family was in a commanding position. They already had the Tendo family as the prime candidates and the Shimeru knew it. He also guessed Baimei was pushing them for a non-Shimeru wife so, again, his position was a strong one. There were precious few gender-changers out there that were not Shimeru or he'd gone through life with his eyes closed. He suspected there was at least one other reason they were interested in his child and it had to do with martial arts in general, if not Indiscriminate Grappling specifically. Their boasting described their boy as a great academic and future business executive. If they wanted a trophy wife raised in culture and etiquette, they wouldn't be interested at all after listening to his child's street slang, seeing her table manners in action, or hearing she worked part time as a waitress. 'No, it has to be the Art they're interested in. Why?'

Of course, if that were true, it only made his family's position incredibly solid. 'If they need a martial artist, there are almost none of my son's caliber and the age difference between them is very favorable.' Something else occurred to him and he wondered how much experience with his female side Ranma really had. 'Nodoka can teach her what she doesn't know,' he decided. Being the lady wife of a wealthy businessman included a lot of formality. Ranma would learn if given the right motivation. He suspected she knew more than she let on, already, after living with the Tendo girls.

"Your women gave my wife a rough time at first but they seem to have warmed up," he told the older man. "It's good they're all getting along well, now," he said, taking a jab at the man's family. Genma pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and threw Baiko a bone out of generosity, knowing it would put the other man in a more difficult position. "Of course, she didn't expect Ranma to become her daughter, only that he'd become a manly man like your grandson, so she missed a lot of time with her child. My wife is very traditional. She will see to Ranma's education as a woman. I have no doubts about that at _all._ Now that she sees Ranma as her daughter, too, we can count on her to spare no effort in training Ranma in the womanly arts. My wife and I expect lots of grandchildren starting less than a year after marriage."

"Your daughter is still in school. I would think it best to wait until she graduates," Baiko replied.

"School is important but grandchildren take precedence. No matter who marries Ranma, there will be grandchildren as soon as possible and Ranma will be expected to do his or her duty in raising them. If Ranma marries Tendo Akane, he will still stay at home taking care of the dojo, his wife and his children. Akane can go to school as much as she likes. Her father wants her to get a teaching degree. She's terrible at the domestic arts, anyway. Ranma can do all of that." He did not bother to describe the option where Baimei marries Ranma. It was remarkably straightforward but he did say, "I expect my child will have a dojo to train in, and to train her heirs in. And there will be some travel as they get older and their training requires experience elsewhere."

Baiko grunted at that, his first sign of argument in more than half an hour. Still, it was probably the last requirement that elicited the protest. Genma was starting to suspect why they wanted a martial artist and it worried him despite the fact guns were technically illegal in their country. Banned, or not, they were out there along with people who used them and Ranma had no experience there.

Taking another guess, Genma asked, "Your daughters, are they trained in firearms?" Baiko quietly sipped his shouchuu. 'I have to admit, the old man is cagy enough,' Genma thought drily.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Raaanmaaa, Ranma-chaaaan," she heard her mother call. Ranma sat up from where she lay with her head on Baimei's lap. He politely withdrew his arm and smiled amiably. She felt remarkably good slipping her feet back into the hotel's geta. He, however, groaned as he stood up and she realized he had hardly moved at all the whole time they sat there with her chewing his ear off.

"Over here, Mom," she called back. To Baimei, she teased, "Come on, big guy. I'd carry you but I'm so short, even if I toss you over my shoulder I might end up dragging your feet _and_ your head on the ground the whole way." He laughed and stuck his tongue out, playfully. "No guarantees on the steps, either," she added. She winked with a naughty smirk and drawled, "If you're good, I may give you a massage, later." She wagged a finger at him, enjoying his blush. He moved easily enough with the proper encouragement.

On the step, she kicked her heels up removing the geta and placing them in a pigeon hole of the shoebox. A small hop got her up into the West wing where her mother held the screen door open for them. Ranma turned back and lent Baimei a hand getting up, not that he needed it but she owed him for letting her blab most of the afternoon. It was even better than her sessions with Ukyou.

Her mother smiled broadly and said, "Ranma-chan, Shimeru-san would like to tell us the plans for the evening."

The comment spun around her head twice before Ranma caught it and faced Shimeru Nikorin, Baimei's mother, and she realized this was a woman who she _should_ have spent time with to take the omiai seriously. Ranma bowed deeply to the woman, belatedly remembering to put her hands together. Nikorin bowed back less formally and had everyone's attention, though her father and the older Shimeru man seemed to be missing.

"The plan for supper tonight was supposed to be our first formal meeting with Saotome Ranma-chan and our family in our mature forms but we have already done that so I thought we could just relax and meet again in our birth forms. I apologize, Saotome-dono, for the change in plans but I am sure you are as curious as we are. If your daughter is as cute a boy as she is a girl, my daughters' husbands will have to keep an eye on them," she said with strong hint of teasing in her voice.

Ranma felt the color rise in her cheeks but managed a weak tease of her own. "Does that mean Pop should come as a panda?

"Oh, my, no, Ranma-chan. Your father is far too manly as a panda and would attract too much attention," her mother replied.

Ranma laughed at the joke then stopped after reading between the lines. "Mom! That's… Oh, yuck! Mom!" Her mother laughed as if it were a joke and the other women laughed, too. Ranma wasn't so sure but did turn beet red.

"Now, we have someone from the hotel staff ready to show you to your rooms," Nikorin said. "Ranma-chan, you and your father can change in one room and your mother in another. We have staff waiting with tuxedos and dresses. Go ahead, change and relax for a few minutes. We'll meet back down here in an hour or so for supper. After that, you can stay or retire for the evening. There is a nice pool in the hotel. It is on the other side of this wall, actually," she said, pointing to the book-lined rear wall of the West wing. "We have told the staff, or tried to, that there might be a tame panda bear wandering the halls. They were not very understanding but we were insistent so at least they might not panic."

Ranma smirked. "Eh, just get him a big float ring, swim trunks, a beach ball and some oversized sunglasses. He'll be fine with that stuff. The hotel'll have a harder time gettin' the kids off o' him."

True to her word, Nikorin took her and her mother back to the tea house's entrance where her father was waiting with Baiko-jiisan. Ranma retrieved hers and her mother's geta and met a woman wearing the hotel uniform of blue vest and blue tube skirt over a white blouse and were led directly to an elevator. While they waited, the rest of the Shimeru filed out of the tea house entrance after them. The hotel woman confronted her parents with a bow saying, "Here are your room keys, Saotome-sama. Your room is 1403. If there is anything you need, please use the telephone and press the key for the front desk. The rest of the services are listed in the directory in your room." The blue uniformed woman bowing once more to her parents and offered a paper envelope with the Old Otani Hotel logo. She did the same thing to Ranma next except her room was 1405, next door to her parents.

In a moment, everyone was standing by the elevators waiting for them to arrive. Baisuke shot Ranma a thumbs-up and a grin. "My little brother is in 1407," she blatantly hinted. Ranma felt her cheeks heat. Baimei looked like he was going to faint from loss of blood. He groaned and banged his head on the wall by the elevator. Somehow, it made her feel a little bit better.

Their father, Baijo had taken a detour to the front desk. Just as the first elevator arrived with a soft chime, Nikorin said, "My husband is making sure the clothes rental staff will be ready to help so please expect them at the doors to your rooms."

Ranma's mother bowed to the Shimeru and thanked them so Ranma did the same.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Heheeeeee," Baisuke grinned and laughed suggestively conveying volumes of unspoken teasing. Baito smirked up at him, too.

"Mom, Dad, make them stop, please. They're trying to embarrass me on purpose," Baimei complained.

"Trying?" Baito asked sounding offended. "We're much better at it than that."

"As long as you two don't embarrass _us_," their mother said sternly. "And Baimei, they're your sisters. You should be able to handle a little teasing from them by now."

Baimei took the hint and shut up as they rode the next lift after the Saotome family. His mother was right. Getting teased constantly by his sisters was normal but getting stressed was not. He should be getting even, instead. He sighed. "I can't wait to see what he looks like in person. I'll bet he _is_ cute. What do I do if he thinks I'm cute but I can't help changing into a man?"

"I have some suggestions," Baisuke quickly interjected.

"I don't want to hear them," Baimei replied to her just as quickly.

"That's enough," their father, Baijo said with finality. "We'll talk about this later, Baimei."

The lift stopped on the fourteenth floor and they all filed out to see the Saotome family just entering their rooms. Farther down the hall, the rental agency was wheeling luggage carts their way filled with wrapped clothing hung from the high, hanger pole. Baimei went to his room, acutely aware Ranma was inside her room next door that very second. He opened his door and stopped to listen for her but couldn't make out any sounds. He sloughed off his jacket and shoes and, in a fit of curiosity, placed his ear to the wall separating them. Still, it was very quiet on the other side and he strained his ears to listen. Ranma's muffled voice came muted through the wall as she said, "If you poke a hole in the wall to spy on me, I'll poke you in the eye." He jerked his head away from the wall. It sounded spookily like she was right there on the other side and he backed off a few steps. "That's better," she said through the wall again.

Stumbling over to the bed, he flopped down face-first wondering how in the world she could possibly know. 'Maybe she just guessed,' he thought but Ranma happened to guess exactly the same spot where his head was, if a little lower. A few minutes later, he could hear the water running next door. His imagination was already running.

Sometime later, a knock on the door preceded his father's female voice. "Baimei, are you ready to come to Grandma's room? It will take us longer to get changed this time."

Baimei realized where his mind had been wandering. "No, I'm not ready yet," he called back and got off the bed. He walked over to the door and opened it, chagrined.

His female father shook her head and smiled, wet-haired and wearing a black yukata and slippers. "Come on. You can get ready over there, too," she said grabbing his hand and dragging him across the hall and over one room to knock on his female grandfather's door. His grandfather answered the door right away and let them in. She had already showered, too, so Baimei could have the bathroom to himself for a little while.

One long, cool shower was enough to revert her to her birth form. Soon, time slipped by a bit too rapidly as her grandmother directed the wardrobe staff in helped get her into a fanciful Western ball gown every bit as glamorous as she'd worn to her oldest sisters' wedding. She'd been too young to go as a man to Baisuke's wedding and had to change once during Baito's. This time, she thought for sure she could hold one gender as long as it took but Ranma was just too cute. She was making it hard on Baimei.

Eventually, Grandma and the woman from the rental agency got her and her sisters-in-law ready while her father, Nikorin, and her brothers lounged in her parents' room on the opposite side of hers and Ranma's rooms. They heard one door open and close, followed by a knock and another entrance. Her sister-in-law, Fumori, opened the room's door and stepped out into the hall. She wore a cream colored dress with lots of ruffles and a wig because her hair was normally trimmed a little on the short side. Fumori nodded to let them know the hall was clear and Baimei found herself being prodded out the door by her other sister-in-law, Nibun, who was wearing a similar gown in pale blue. Her own gown was white with plenty of medium-blue accents. The decision not to go with a wig, herself, was easy. She wanted Ranma-chan to see what she looked like in her immature form. Instead, she had a single, small, blue barrette with a tiny white plastic flower off-center. She wore no earrings, though. Baijo had forbidden her ever getting her ears pierced and, now that she was attending some of her university classes as a man, she had to admit he was right.

Raised voices drifted across and down the hall – voices of Saotome Nodoka and a young man. Nibun and Fumori each took hold of an arm and hustled her down the hall to stop in front of the Saotome-parents' room where she heard, "Oh, _my_, Ranma-chan! You look so manly!" A young man's voice rose in complaint saying, "Momma, I'm a _guy_ right now. Don't call me 'chan! It's not cool."

Nibun knocked brusquely on the door for her and Baimei froze. The door opened to reveal Saotome Genma in a sharp-looking tuxedo. It gave him the appearance of a bouncer in some high-class restaurant, or maybe the personal servant of some evil overlord. She tried to work the spit back into her mouth. Fumori prompted her with an elbow. "H-hi, Saotome-san. I'm Shimeru Baimei. Please treat me well," she announced.

"Pop, knock it off! Y're scarin' her!" the young man said coming into view. He was still shorter than she was; noticeably so in her heels.

Baimei bowed again to Ranma. "Saotome-san, please treat me well," she repeated standing in the open door. The young man returned the gesture with a grin, confirming he was the very same Ranma that lit a fire in his loins. More doors opened upon hearing the exchange and the rest of her family filed out. She backed into the hall surrounded by her sisters-in-law, who looked ready to put her in an arm-lock if she tried to retreat any further.

Ranma stepped past his father and bowed to the group, announcing himself, again. His gaze stuck on Baijo and Baiko, who were currently her mother and grandmother. There was a flash of recognition and a smile briefly lit his face. Even as a boy, he still reminded her of the cute little redhead from their first meeting. That was a good thing. However, there was something about his build, even though he was shorter and much leaner, that reminded her of his father. There was an air of potential energy around Ranma. He was not bulky like some of the jocks at school. Instead, he carried himself as if he were as tall as she was, if not taller, while still looking like a sixteen year old. He was a bouncer in training.

A moment later, Saotome Genma ushered his wife out of their room. Saotome Nodoka wore a black dress with a white blouse and long white petticoats peeking out from underneath. She looked like a cross between a queen and a maid. The image she presented was extraordinary and Baimei decided right then Ranma would wear something similar before the weekend was out; or as soon as possible if her plans didn't work out right. 'Ranma-chan would be awesomely, incredibly hot, as a maid café girl. No, wait, they don't dress this well. She'll definitely get the best maid princess dress, ever. I _swear_ it.'

"It seems we are ready. Shall we go down for supper?" her mother, Baijo, asked.

"You all look so wonderful!" her father, Nikorin, enthusiastically commented.

Baimei wasn't so much guided as she was herded by her brothers and sisters-in-law toward the lifts leaving the parents to take the next car. They made sure to catch Ranma up in their dragnet and Baimei found herself standing next to him on the ride down. "I'm… I'm sorry if you're not comfortable," she said as the lift dropped while trying to defend herself from her brothers' accidental shoves clearly aiming her at Ranma.

He looked up at her and smiled just like his girl-side but he had a faint flush to his cheeks, too. Baito made as if his shoe had come untied and put his foot up on the hand-rail to retie it. He slipped, of course, and stumbled into her with the intent on shoving her into Ranma. Baimei side-stepped her brother's obvious attempt to force the matter and Baito stumbled into Ranma, instead.

Ranma caught her brother, easily, just as the car came to a stop. "Hey, knock it off, guys. You don't have t' _smoosh_ us," he quipped. The door opened hand he surprised her by taking her hand and leading her out ahead of her brothers. Baisuke chuckled and slugged Baito in the arm. Fumori and Nibun both shook their heads and followed the men who acted like immature boys when they weren't girls.

Baimei quickly pulled herself up close beside him and blurted out, "Ranma-san, do you mind much if I'm taller than you?" It was, perhaps, not the best moment but she _was_ away from her parents. Her brothers barely counted given all of the dirt she had on them.

Staring up, quizzically, he asked, "Why? You're shorter now an' I'm taller."

"Yes but I'm still a little taller than you," she explained, starting to feel the stress.

None of her stress amounted to much, apparently. Ranma shook his head and looked up at her with the same look she had that afternoon. It was a look that said, "One of us is confused and it's not me." He didn't say that, of course, but he did cock his head to the side and ask, "So?" Her heart fluttered and her breath shortened. Then, he said, "I c'n _still_ kick your ass if you try anythin' hokey."

She was caught between emotions. Baimei wanted to hug him for not caring, punch him for the threat, and turn him into a girl to do unspeakable things to. In the end, she just entered the door to the tea house, dragging him along. Her brothers and their wives followed, pretending they weren't outright spying on her. She exchanged her heels for the house slippers before the truth of Ranma's statement caught up with her. He _could_ kick her ass. Even if she was a man _way_ taller than him, she didn't stand a chance. This was someone straight out of a Street Brawler video game. Baimei suddenly felt insignificant beside him and it was a humbling thought.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Her own inadequacy next to someone of legendary ability haunted her throughout the meal. She sat beside him doing her best to conform to traditions of female behavior. His mother sat on his other side just as her father, Nikorin, sat beside her while his father, Genma, sat across from them next to Baijo and the rest of the family was arrayed to either side.

The formal, Western supper was as uncomfortable as Hell and she knew it was partly her fault for feeling inferior and not being relaxed enough to enjoin more casual conversation but knowing did not mean preventing. Ranma liked to eat, it seemed, and that was what he did. His manners needed work but she wasn't about to correct him; not before marrying him, first. It was her mother, Baijo, who forced the issue while they nibbled upon their desserts.

"Baimei, why don't you and Ranma-chan go change and head for the pool? You can show him around and there is supposed to be a Jacuzzi to relax in," her mother said.

Lifting her napkin from her lap, she wiped her mouth and glanced at Ranma. He almost radiated stress. "Ranma-san, maybe… If you want, we can change and hit the pool," she suggested, almost dying for an escape from the stress.

He hesitated before suddenly brightening. "Sure," he said. "I have a new suit I wanna try out."

She stood, leaving the remainder of too much dessert that had followed a meal much too large. Ranma, amazingly, cleaned his plates. He mimicked her pushing his chair in and bowing to the families before silently trailing after her. Baimei took a moment to exchange slippers for her heels and held the door for him.

On the way to the elevator, she had a strange sense of having fled the battlefield and, quite frankly, dreaded Ranma's assessment. The only comment he had was on the elevator where he shuffled his feet and asked, "So, you ever eat here before?" She shook her head. He had spoken so freely earlier that afternoon. Now, it was like he had no idea what to say. The lift's doors opened and she stepped out onto the fourteenth floor, realizing she said very little, herself.

"Meet you back here in ten minutes?" she asked, not willing to give up on an omiai that went so magically well less than two hours ago.

"Yep," Ranma answered and stopped by his door. "I'll, uh, see you in a few minutes."

"Yeah, see you," she answered and pulled out her own key. Once she entered and the door closed behind, she leaned back on it and sighed, dejectedly. The meeting with Ranma's boy-side was an abject failure. 'I'll bet my brothers thought he was cute,' she groaned inwardly.

Baimei lost her thoughts in the memory of the supper and tried to figure out what was off and why it felt that way. Absently, she moved about her room taking the fancy princess dress off and using the toilette but was found herself in an ever-deepening fugue. A knock on the door startled her and Baimei found she had sat at on the end of her bed clutching a small tote for carrying necessities such as set of men's trunks. She was still in her female underwear. "Baimei-san, are you ready, yet?" she heard Ranma call through the door.

She tossed the tote aside and bent to look through the peep-hole. She saw Ranma-chan fidgeting with the same pigtail he had during supper. The top of her head was more visible than the rest of her. Baimei quickly opened the door and snagged Ranma's left wrist in her right hand to pull the smaller girl inside.

"Hey, what's- You're naked!" Ranma said, stopping near the bathroom's door.

Ranma's eyes were wide and a flush began to bloom making her look even more attractive. Baimei quickly turned toward the bed. The sight of the Saotome girl in her golden yellow one-piece with red side-panels and matching blush nearly changed her. She had to start talking and think while she was at it. "Just a minute. I'll change in the bathroom," she said and darted around Ranma to shut the door.

"I can go, if you want," she heard Ranma say from the other side.

That was not at all what she wanted. "Don't go! I'll be right out," Baimei quickly replied to forestall the hot little girl.

She rapidly started changing before realizing her female swimsuit was still out in the room. She dithered over whether to change into her male suit or go out to get her female suit before remembering Ranma could get it for her and the trunks were outside the bathroom, too. "Ranma-chan-" she began before stopping abruptly upon remembering she also had a package of condoms in her suitcase attesting to the near irrational hope of a romantic interlude. She stared, wide-eyed, at the door, dithering over what to do in near panic.

The moment passed and her head whipped around the tiny, Western-style bathroom before settling on a bathrobe with the hotel's moniker and snatched it from the folded pile of towels. "Don't go anywhere! I'm coming out for my suit." She finished tying the robe and opened the door a crack. Ranma wasn't there. She flung it open the rest of the way and bolted out, only to see Ranma standing by the head of the bed, holding the white sheer curtain aside to stare out the window. Her figure looked perfect to her and there was a distinct triangle of light showing through between her legs. She practically dove toward her suitcase.

Unzipping the case, she immediately spotted the panty-shots of Ranma in her school uniform and scrambled to hide those, too, resolutely fishing around for her suit. The moment she had it, she ran back into the bathroom and closed the door, struggling to control the change. 'I could go swimming as a man for sure, now,' she thought in horror. 'The only problem would be in hiding my excitement.'

"I'll… see y' at the pool," she heard Ranma say. The young woman sounded dejected. It was enough to pour cold water on her libido and ease the pressure to change. She'd just screwed up badly with the girl she had the hots for.

"Wait, Ranma, I can explain. Don't go, yet!" she begged.

A tense moment of silence preceded Ranma's reply. "Why don't you want to look at me?" The disconsolate notes in her voice tore at her heart.

The truth was her only recourse. "Ranma-chan, you're too good looking. If I look at you, I'll probably turn into a guy and want to touch you." Frantic with haste, Baimei threw off the robe, not caring how it landed halfway across the toilet seat and rustled the shower curtain in the combination Japanese tub and shower. She rapidly sorted her two-piece swimsuit set and pulled on the bottoms that would work as a conservative bikini for women or a daring one for men. The top was more like a half-shirt but tighter, like a sports bra. She looked into the mirror and noticed she still had on her barrette and almost yanked the thing out of her hair.

"Ranma-chan!" she breathlessly called after yanking the door open, "I'm sorry. I really do want to look at you." She did want to look but Ranma only stared at her feet. Baimei cautiously approached the pigtailed girl picking at the carpet with her toes. "Ranma-chan?" she enquired.

"You ready for a swim?" Ranma asked in return but did not raise her head.

An unexpected moment of clarity struck her. 'Ranma is insecure about her sexuality! Yes, of _course_ she is! And I've been making it worse.' She reached out and pulled the small young woman into an embrace that buzzed incessantly at her libido. "Ranma-chan, I'm attracted to you. I really am but I'm afraid I might do something to chase you away. I swear just looking at you almost changes me into my mature form. If that happens, I… I don't want to scare you. That's all."

Now that she had Ranma in her arms, she was extremely reluctant to let her go. Ranma's breasts and thighs pressed nicely under and alongside hers and she could gaze over Ranma's shoulder and down to the curve of her backside. She squeezed the little pigtailed girl tighter and tried to fight the change. It became even harder when she felt Ranma's arms begin to reciprocate the hug.

The sound of voices in the hall gave her little warning. There was a polite knock at her door. "Baimei, are you in there?" she heard her brother, Baisuke, call.

She could hardly move, much less form a coherent sentence. Baimei wished fervently her brother would leave. Instead, he took up a conversation with her brother and sisters in law. "She must be down at the pool already." He knocked on the door harder and called more loudly. "Baimei, it's Baisuke! I've got a surprise for you!"

Ranma's small but remarkably strong hands clenched on her back eliciting a spasm of pain when the girl touched the kink from the hours she'd had to sit still on the hard, wood-slatted bench in the garden. Baisuke's voice came through the door when a key inserted itself into the lock. "She must be swimming. Now's our chance."

The door swung open and Baimei lost the grip on her female form. She did not, however, lose it on Ranma-chan, nor did the now tiny pigtailed girl lose her own grip. Standing in the doorway were her brothers and sisters-in-law grinning, or gaping, or alternating between both. Baito had a handful of what looked like energy drinks. He had no doubt his brothers intended to leave those drinks as a not-so-subtle hint and that those bottles would probably, and falsely, advertize enhanced virility and stamina.

These thoughts all ran through his head like lightning but what came out was, "It's not what it looks like!" Surprisingly, it was nearly simultaneously echoed by Ranma.

"Ooops," Baito said, almost sounding sheepish about the interruption. He was not the least bit sheepish about walking in and setting the small bottles on the counter in the bathroom. Baimei became aware Ranma was trying to bury her head in his side, facing the window, in a hopeless attempt to avoid an embarrassing situation by not being able to see the looks on the witness's faces.

Baisuke was more perceptive. "Uh, oh," he said. He knew perfectly well there would be payback for this. Lucky for them, their wives had the decency to pull them both out of the room and let the door shut behind.


	13. Thickening Plot

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Thickening Plot

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

While her fiancé was having a formal meal with his prospective fiancée, someone else padded quietly along the covered path toward her destination. A single step lead up to the broad engawa with its fusuma, the only entrance, centered to face her path. Supper had been a subdued affair. The food was fine, as always but there had been leftovers despite the adjustment in quantity. The flavor of hot rice and steamed dried mackerel lingered pleasantly in her mouth though she'd had a cup of strong green tea after her meal.

Two steps up and two steps forward brought her to the entryway of a place she'd known and revered since childhood. She straightened her dougi before sliding the door open. Cultural formalities such as washing before entering were never observed here as they were in many prouder schools. The smell of wood and sweat greeted her as she slipped inside and closed the door. Across the hardwood floor, darkly colored with age and finely polished, yet bearing scores and other injuries both young and old, sat the tier upon which dignitaries of old were supposed to sit. She doubted any such lord had ever sat upon that low dais. Her mother, grandparents and other ancestors often sat there, though, on days of the year set aside for remembrance. Lately, one other occasioned that place of honor.

"Akane-chan! My favorite student! Come to help an old man fold his underwear?" Happosai jovially asked looking up from the pile he was sorting.

She clucked her tongue and sighed, making her way across the floor in her bare feet. The wizened old pervert sniffed the crotch of a modestly-cut pink pair of underwear and quirked an eyebrow at her. "Master, do I really have a chance?" she asked, thinking about her fiancé. Doubt ran rampant through her mind. She was not a stupid person. She knew there was a chance it could go either way. "We've argued so much, _so_ much…" She still could not bear to face the heartache of losing the one person she had grown to rely upon to another woman who happened to have the right tool for the job. He motioned for her to come and partake of his eccentric wisdom.

The old man waited for her to approach and sit before the tokonoma before he responded. Perhaps it was just to insure he could look her in the eye at the same level. Perhaps it was so he could better trace her cleavage with his eyes. It was hard to tell with such an inscrutable old teacher. "I was in love, once," he said with a sigh and a far-off look. "She was a pretty young thing working as a servant in a hot springs inn somewhere in the Kanto area around here. I forgot where but it was close by."

"You were? I mean, you were, _Master?"_ Akane asked, well aware of her tenuous position as student.

The bald old gnomish man nodded, deep in thought, apparently reminiscing over the ancient event. She wondered what era Happosai might have been young enough to love. He was already a freak when Cologne was young and out to kill him for stealing Joketsu treasures, undergarments, and taking other liberties not well explained by either ancient master.

Happosai seemed to wake from a dream of the past and his gaze fell upon her with a startling weight as if his tiny shriveled frame were made entirely of iron. He was in serious sensei-mode, now. "She washed the baths, cleaned the rooms, did laundry and beat the futons working hard every day. When I tried to visit her, she had no time. Her boss, the innkeeper's son, kept her running all the time."

"Did you- Were you able to see her?"

"Of course not!" Happosai said in annoyance. "The innkeeper's son was keeping her busy on purpose because he secretly loved her and knew she'd come visit me on the first day she had off. She had a beautiful rack, too! I'm _sure_ he wanted to touch it."

"So… did you go visit her at work, instead?"

"I _tried_ but she turned me away. She said if I wasn't a paying customer, she could get fired for speaking with me instead of doing her work," he said, sounding disgusted.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Akane answered, not knowing quite what to make of the one-sided love story and hoping it had nothing to do with her own situation.

"That's all right," he said, nonchalantly waving off my half-hearted attempt at concern, "I called a few of my biker friends and they got the innkeeper's son drunk at Jito's in town so I could make out with her at the inn." Blinking a couple of times, she tried to reconcile Happosai's ice-age love story with the newest bit of information. She couldn't but the pieces were coming together in a disturbing fashion, anyway. He went on to add, "Of course, the pinch-faced mother of that brat kept poking her nose into our business and the other girls, bless their hearts, helped stall her while we fled from room to room. I had to stand behind a dusty rug on the upstairs balcony and try not to sneeze while the evil innkeeper reprimanded the girls showing them how hard to beat it."

"Master, I… I think that was on television last night," she admitted, hoping to put as quick an end to the story as possible.

His eyes unfocused, momentarily, before asking, "Really?" She nodded slowly. "I hope it's on, tonight, again."

"W-why don't you go check?" she suggested. "Otousan or Kasumi-neesan might know."

He got to his feet and she almost had to tilt her head back a fraction to keep his contemplative face in view. Pulling out his pipe, he looked over his stash laying partially organized across the tokonoma. "Check out the pink one, there," he said. "I think a boy wore it two or three washes ago. See if you can tell. You think that show will be on, again?" he asked, looking somewhat hopeful.

She drew her eyes from what was, in the master's eyes, a partially-polluted purloined pink panty and nodded. "Maybe," she allowed. He nodded back, stuck his unlit pipe in his mouth and stepped off the dais before turning to face his holy monument. He slapped his hands together twice and offered a thankfully silent prayer. She watched patiently until he'd walked across the floor to the entrance.

'Sure, it will be on, again,' she thought after he left and shut the fusuma behind, 'next Saturday.'

Before her was a pile of panties. 'I need practice,' she thought, reaching for the pink one her master had been inspecting. 'I wonder whose these are?' Turning the pair over in her hands she tried to read the residual ki in it. One of the secrets of the Tendo school of Indiscriminate Grappling was using ki and chi from other people. Contrary to popular belief, Master Happosai did not get a charge _from_ panties. There was no energy transfer. A non-living object like Ranma's boxers did not have enough energy in residual ki to strengthen her but it _did_ have residual ki in a trace amount. Identifying that ki and using it as a motivational catalyst was the secret of the Master's style.

She knew Ryouga and Ranma both used emotion as a focus. Happosai used the attraction he felt toward beautiful women as his focus. Akane, too, was learning to derive motivation from a focus, Tend-style. Her master drew upon his inner strength from contact with pretty ladies but the opposite was also true for contact with everyone else, especially older or ugly women and males of all classes. They _de-_motivated him. That he could tell gender from a touch was testament to his skill in the art.

Using ki as a focus, a catalyst, was the first step in her family's half of the school. "Too bad that isn't enough," she muttered to herself. The second step was to _use_ her chi and the third was to learn to use that of _others._ For that, she would need a training partner. Her thoughts immediately turned toward a certain pigtailed person while staring at the pink panties in her hands with its almost undetectable trace of ki. She could not, yet, even identify any but her master's touch and tossed it back into the pile.

The reality was that Ranma tended to react badly to Happosai's attention. So did Akane, herself, and it was no wonder: just being used without a please or thank you might not even win over a Kuno. Nabiki certainly never got anywhere with Tatewaki using those methods. No, she needed to win Ranma's _heart_ and that meant doing _more_ than just a Joketsu-grade hug – something else she was forced to admit never worked.

'Begging Ranma, or _anyone_, will only go so far,' she decided. 'I need to beg and make _Ranma_ beg. He has to want to marry me just as much as I want him.' She bowed to the tokonoma just as her master did before reaching for the narrow panel providing access to her stash underneath. Setting it aside, she bent to look and found what she was hoping for amongst the piles of instructional doujinshi and other pornography; volume four of her new favorite manga, Versailles no Hana. It told story of a Lady of the French aristocracy who was a tomboy, just like her but schooled in courtly behavior. She had a lot of women interested simply because she was a better man than many other men.

This reminded her of Ranma, however, and Akane wondered if she didn't fit the role of Francois' male friend, Andy. Andy often played a support role just as Akane so frequently did for Ranma. "I wish _I_ had the right parts to make _both_ of Ranma happy,' she thought with a sigh, 'but I don't.' She stared at her hands holding the popular reprint. 'These hands are all I have. They _have_ to be good enough!'

Determination grew within the core of her being. "Practice," she whispered, "I need practice. I can't afford to be clumsy and get it wrong when Ranma comes back. I need to be perfect so I can win him _and_ win _her!"_ That left only the nearly insurmountable problem of how to get that practice. 'How?' she wondered. Ranma was a boy who turned into a girl. He may be a total jock but he could switch between a boy jock and a girl jock from one moment to the next. If there was one secret Akane knew about her fiancé, it was that one.

Saotome Ranma was not, and perhaps had never been, a _typical_ boy. Kuno Tatewaki and most, if not all, of the young men she knew at school were typical boys. They dreamed of the Masked Rider, giant robots, samurai versus ninja wars and other militaristic scenarios. She was also forced to admit, over the past week, that Ranma also _could_ have lived out what she suspected _every_ man dreamed of; the life of a powerful lord or wealthy prince, the life of a harem master. Realization that he had _not_, and not taken advantage where it was so plainly offered, meant something. Again, Kuno Tatewaki had openly proclaimed his fantasy involving herself and Ranma's female form. She had absolutely no doubt what the third-year sempai would do given the opportunity.

Her fiancé had it all, it seemed, everything Akane was sure beyond doubt a boy or man would want: strength, skill, good looks, and women throwing themselves at him. How could she _not_ be jealous? How could _anyone_ not be jealous? That was near the crux of the matter. Ranma had everything Akane wanted. He travelled and learned his family style while _she_ had been forced to attend ordinary elementary and middle schools. His father provided several young women to engage him to while hers just waited for Ranma to show up. Ranma gets to choose while he was her only real prospect.

The face of her old friend, Shinnosuke, came to mind followed by Kumon Ryu and Tatewaki Kuno. 'I suppose I could have gone after them,' she reluctantly admitted. Reality was a harsh master. She flipped, idly, through her manga. The pages were drawn with care to show scenes from nineteenth-century France. Extreme wealth and poverty coexisted with invisible, yet insurmountable, lines drawn between classes. The Saotome family was nearly penniless, she knew, yet her father was fairly well off. Still, they were only another middle-class family. What might these Shimeru people be like? 'They must be more wealthy than we are. Why are they interested in Ranma? He'd already be marrying up to get into my family. Why would they want someone from so far beneath their class?'

Akane puzzled over the question until she finally remembered Daikoku Kaori, heiress of the school of Martial Arts Takeout Delivery. 'Are the Shimeru interested in Ranma's skill as an Indiscriminate Grappling student?' She bit her lower lip considering the possibility. The Joketsu tribe were not the only ones after Ranma for this reason. Even Kuonji Ukyou was engaged to Ranma supposedly because he was learning to fight. Thinking of the okonomiyaki chef, she remembered Ukyou, too, had grown up on the road, much like Ranma. In fact, of all the people she knew, Akane thought Ukyou would understand Ranma best. 'She was raised to be a boy by her father – raised by her father, alone, in fact. They even talk alike except that she sounds more like a Kansai person.'

Rising to her feet, an idea glimmered and a rough plan began to form. 'Ukyou – she would know Ranma best, maybe well enough to be able to pretend she was him. _And_ she's a girl.'

Without stopping to think about it, she packed her manga back into the hidden space under the tokonoma and replaced the narrow front panel. She offered another prayer to her ancestors, mother and Happosai's half-sorted and folded acquisitions before standing to head out and enact her half-formed plan.

"Onee-chan, I'm going out for a while!" she called toward the tea room after entering the house and headed directly for the genkan and her sandals.

"Akane-chan?" her sister returned, the question plain in her voice.

"I'm heading out. I'll be back later," she answered.

"When will you be back?" Kasumi asked approaching through the hall toward her. Kasumi's voice was as full of concern as always were but her eyes hard like velvet-wrapped diamonds. Akane knew her sister kept close tabs on everyone. She was the mistress of the house. Her questions were pointed and her comments were like orders. Kasumi could see through her intent if given the chance so Akane turned and opened the door.

"I might be out late but probably not. I don't know. I'll see you later, big sister. Don't wait up for me, though," Akane said tapping the toes of her sandals one after the other to seat the thong. She didn't wait for an answer and shut the door behind her heading toward the front gate. Honestly, she did not think anything would come of the vague plan she considered but felt a wash of relief and liberation over the idea of being out of the family compound on her own for the first time since last weekend, if not before.

Her thoughts turned toward Ukyou. 'How do I ask her?' she wondered. 'I should just tell her, I suppose.' Farther along the path to U-chan's Akane decided her request might be better considered if she were to try one of the chi techniques she'd practiced. Blood began to flow in a now-familiar pattern warming her in preparation.

The restaurant was busy, though. Every table that Akane saw through the window was filled. Nevertheless, she pulled open the door and entered taking note of the closing time. She would wait and plan.

"Tendo-sama!" Konatsu exclaimed meeting her just inside. He was pretty she realized and wondered if he, too, might be able to help understand Ranma and, better yet, help her train.

"I can't stay, Konatsu-san," she said, "but I would like some time with you and Ukyou-san when you're done with work later, tonight. When do you think you'll be free?"

"Ukyou-sama and I usually finish around nine-thirty," he said smiling. "You can come by around then."

She nodded with a smile of her own. "That would be perfect," she replied and meant it. That gave her time to plan. Akane headed back out for a stroll to mull the possibilities.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma clutched Baimei, her fingers spread across his back, and he twitched. 'He got that kink in his back 'cause o' me,' she thought, remembering the hours of talk they'd had in the hotel's tea garden. The pair of them stood in their swimsuits. Baimei's was a daring cut for a man consisting of a stretchy black half-tank and black bikini. It looked more conservative on his female form than it did on his male. 'I wonder where _I_ can get one o' these,' she thought, relaxing her embrace. The room was quiet, now. No sounds could be heard from either parents' rooms or those of Baimei's troublesome brothers. "Hey," she said, looking up into Baimei's chagrinned face, "If you're gonna be my fiancé, you gotta get used to embarrassing stuff happening like that." Ranma grinned up at him, fully aware she was even more abashed at having been caught in an embrace with a handsome bikini-clad man while all she had on was her yellow one-piece with Mizuko swoosh on the right hip just in from the red side panels. They were essentially in their underwear.

To her surprise, he hugged her, again, but this time he descended to capture her mouth in a kiss. Emotional need, rather than physical, seemed to drive him. Baimei was tired from a long day, she knew, but it still felt right. She closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around his neck and responded as well as she knew how, learning every moment. 'Not as good as pervy-retard-Kyouya,' she absently analyzed, 'but okay.'

When they finally parted, he sighed and reverted to his female form. "I _promise_ you, Ranma-chan, I promise to be your _best_ fiancé. I want to marry you _so_ bad," she said, ending in a whisper, which was surprising in itself because of the fervor with which he began.

Ranma looked into Baimei's eyes, now substantially closer to her level, yet still more than a head taller. She saw Baimei's determination and her heart went out for the gangly older woman. Baimei took her seriously, that much was certain. Smiling, she leaned forward and planted another kiss on her now female fiancée. "I understand. Thanks," she said, never one for complicated sentences.

A look of hesitation and uncertainty clouded Baimei's eyes and she said, "Ranma-chan, this is only an omiai, a meeting. I think our parents have to agree, first."

Ranma picked up on the unspoken point of contention. More sternly than she felt and more confident than was, perhaps, merited, she told her in no uncertain terms, "I been engaged for a bowl of rice, a fish and two pickles. If I say you're my fiancée, too, then you _are_. We'll just have t' kick some old-fart-ass if they argue." She received another kiss for that.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Genma was in panda-form, wearing oversized tropical-print swim trunks and sunglasses he didn't need at night, lounging by the lighted pool outside with Shimeru Baiko, Baijo, and Nikorin. The first two were currently female and the last was male. Despite having most of the pool to themselves that evening, the day had not gone the way he wanted.

First, he risked the opportunity to inform the Shimeru family of his child's problem with cats mainly so his wife couldn't blow up at him and demand his head while they were in front of the hosts but also partly because they would definitely need to know. Nodoka had not been pleased and settled into a quiet, dignified rage. She was up in their room and he was down here with explicit instructions to stay there, forever, if that was what it took. She would calm, eventually, enough to forgive him or ask him to slit his belly.

As if that was insufficient to dampen his mood, when he reached his room, he could tell Ranma wasn't in his own next door. A casual walk down the hall two doors proved his child was in Shimeru Baimei's suspiciously adjacent room. The pair of them seemed to be getting along alright. Since then, he'd been waiting, with Baimei's parents, for the children's arrival. The decisions would all be made tonight unless he missed his guess.

The door from the hotel to the enclosed pool area opened and out strode his daughter wearing a hotel bathrobe. Shimeru Baimei held the door for her and wore a light but opaque wrap around her waist, covering the lower half. They both looked relaxed and happy. That changed to guilt and nervousness the moment they spotted their parents setting off mental alarms all around the table.

Genma got out of his stretched out lounge chair and lumbered over to them. It was days like these that made him wish pandas were just a touch better at walking on their hind legs. The stress from these past months wore on his hips, knees, legs and back but he resolutely refused to walk like a panda. He was a man. Let the other Jusenkyou victims accommodate their curses; he would not.

His son, though, now that was a problem. Genma pulled out a sign and quickly scribbled out a greeting under the combined fluorescent, incandescent and sodium lamps lighting the pool area that night. "Good evening, Baimei-san. Hello, ungrateful child."

"Shut up, Pop," Ranma replied. "Mei-chan, this is my old man, Saotome Genma-otou_panda_san. His Jusenkyou curse looks like this."

Genma sniffed the air making it sound like a snort of mild offense. What he found on Ranma and on her breath turned his legs to jelly.

Shimeru Baimei bowed deeply, as if she knew an important line had been crossed and it _had_ been crossed. "Saotome-sama," she said, "thank you very much for bringing Ranma-sama to this omiai. I… I _cannot_ thank you enough."

Ranma, he noticed looked stunned and grew a blush but he chuffed and sniffed while writing a suitably polite response to the greeting. The more important task was to bow back to the young woman and sniff the air she'd just spoken with. It only took a moment to confirm the worst of his fears. He pulled out a sign he'd been saving for the last hour and hit his daughter over the head with it. "Go do one hundred laps," he signed on her cranium.

"Ow! Stupid panda. Okay, okay," she complained but there was no real resistance. In fact, she and Baimei, who left with her giving him a final bow, seemed all too happy to comply. He walked back to his lounge chair watching as Ranma shucked her bathrobe, tossing it at Baimei, and leapt high in the air to dive cleanly into the pool's deep side. Baimei, for her part, folded up the bathrobe, took off her wrap and dropped them on an open lounge chair to hurry toward the pool after Ranma giving her parents a welcoming wave. When the kids were in the water, they chatted briefly before Ranma began her laps. Now, he had to talk with the Shimeru family.

Genma picked up the carafe of hot water he had asked the pool attendant to fetch from the kitchen and put down the jumbo sunglasses. Holding his trunks, he poured himself back to normal and set the carafe back on the plastic table by his chair so he could pull the drawstrings tight. "Shimeru-san," he said tightly, "Can I have a word with you?" Baijo nodded her permission and stood from her own lounge chair. "You can all hear what I want to say," he added to include the grandmother and father, if those were the right terms.

Gathering a few chairs around the small table and its umbrella, the group of parents tried to look as casual as their children. Once the four of them were seated in a loose circle, he pushed his glasses up his nose and fetched a handkerchief from where he kept his signs. "My nose as a panda is very talented," he mumbled just loud enough they could hear while he made a production out of protecting his bald head from the cooling night air. "Please do not tell the children how I know. It's one of the ways I keep track of their activities." Baiko nodded.

Thinking hard about how to present the information, he finally said, "I believe our children are sexually compatible." The three Shimeru's eyes widened. "I have no doubt," he added. 'Let them read between the lines. I'm sure whatever they can guess is still short of the truth. That brought up another point, though. "I know you folk also have very strong male and female scents. My nose says you two smell like men and _you_ like a woman," he added picking out the two females and one male gender. "I don't know if it affected Ranma but it might have."

Nikorin tensed giving the Shimeru away. The two women tried to look nonchalant but he knew how to read people. 'They knew, too, so it's a family trait.' Genma wondered if he should try waiting them out, make them come to him, but ended up weighing the odds differently. 'It's likely Ranma will seriously consider marriage and I'd guess Baimei will feel the same.' He glanced over to the pool to see Ranma lazily taking her time at it. What really interested him was the way she and Baimei had a hard time taking their eyes off each other despite Ranma doing laps.

Baimei's eyes found his and Genma was forced to cover his tracks. "Faster, boy! You call that swimming?" he yelled. Ranma kicked harder and picked up speed, finally putting some effort into her Australian crawl.

He settled back into his seat. "She's a very good swimmer, Saotome-san," Nikorin complimented.

"We swam together to China and back. Of course he's good," he retorted. His enthusiasm waned knowing the gods had him under their thumbs and he sighed. "Something will have to be worked out between the Saotome and Tendo families. They care a great deal about Ranma and their youngest is working through her issues as we speak. She will be dangerous."

"How so?" Baiko asked, shooting him an intense, questioning look.

"Tendo Akane has issues with her temper and an odd fear of sex. Her father, my old partner and a master in perverted martial arts, and our own master are training her. The girl was wound so tight to begin with, if she snaps…" he muttered.

Nikorin gasped, "Murder?"

"Huh? No, well, probably not," he qualified. "I'm thinking more like serial rapist but that's not the problem," Genma admitted and brushed the idea aside as inconsequential to the real issue. "She and Ranma were, and maybe still are, close. So are our families. I'm pretty sure she's going to want a shot at Ranma, too."

"What do you recommend?" Baiko asked.

Genma dithered a moment before deciding, "Consider your child engaged to mine. I need to talk with my wife about this, tonight, too. I have my reservations about Tendo Akane but she's the heir of her father's branch and he's finally teaching her his style. I think she loves Ranma but if she can't step up to the competition from your daughter, I'm willing to break the agreement with Tendo-kun. I want my child teaching Indiscriminate Grappling with a Tendo but I also want my child happy."

"And your wife? She seemed upset after supper," Baijo asked.

"As long as there're grandchildren and Ranma is happy, she'll be happy," he replied thoughtfully.

"There was another young man we saw at the Mushi's. What is his relationship?" Baiko asked.

Genma shook his head in dismissal and was about to answer but paused, mid-breath. 'The robot boy may be gone but it left a mark on my girl.' He rubbed his jaw in contemplation, finally giving an answer. "He wasn't human and Ranma knew it. I don't… I don't think my kid had any illusions about being able to have a family with him. It still hurt her when he died, though." He turned to the pool to make sure she was still working out at least a little bit and saw his daughter dutifully continuing her laps across the pool in a way no professional swimmer could manage. "He enjoys attention," he said, turning his own attention back to Baiko. _"Her_ first boyfriend was unnaturally attentive and obedient. If you want my daughter for your son, keep that in mind. With the right motivation and the right handling, Ranma will serve your family well."

"The young man we saw is _dead?"_ Baijo asked, eyebrows rising in surprise.

Genma nodded solemnly. "Natural causes. He had a very short lifespan. He was _not_ human but neither the boy, nor I, can explain further." The Shimeru at the table spared a solemn moment for Ranma's first boyfriend despite their obvious curiosity.

"One last question, Saotome-san," Baijo said, ducking her head. "I am very sorry ask such a personal thing but, is your daughter fertile? The magic, the curse, is unusual so… I assure you Baimei _is,_ when a man, that is_._ The family doctors tell me he is quite normal."

He wavered between answering, and not, before admitting something he doubted _anyone_ but he and his son knew. The engagement to Baimei was real, however, as real as the Tendo one, at least, and, even though _they_ had never asked, he would answer truthfully if they did. "Ranma tries to hide it and does pretty well, considering. I don't think even the Tendo girls know that Ranma finally synchronized with them four months ago. He tries to avoid cold water and changes back into a young man as soon as possible." Baijo and Baiko subtly relaxed into their patio chairs around the table. Baijo gave the barest nod. He turned his attention toward Nikorin, who had a troubled look but not an argumentative one. To him, he added, "She should go into heat near the end of next week if I remember the last round in the house so I hope the kids are careful."

"Well, we taught Baimei to be responsible so I don't think there'll be children for some time; at least not until they're out of school and ready for a family," Nikorin quibbled, returning the topic to a safer one he had more of an opinion on.

"Then I'd better get Ranma on the pill," he replied, not sure if he meant what he said. One thing he was sure of, "They aren't going to wait and accidents happen."

"Just how sure are you, Saotome-san?" Baiko asked, her eyes out over the pool. They watched Ranma cut through the water producing a remarkably strong wake while Baiko's granddaughter, Baimei, paddled lazily on a float-board staring at his daughter's ass.

"I'm _absolutely_ sure," he replied. 'Let them try and interpret _that _any differently.' He let his assertion sink in for a minute before rising and making polite excuses to leave. He left them with an injunction to get to know Ranma better, and _fast_. The requirements of his family were simple: happy child, martial arts, and grandchildren, all of them top priority.

On his way up the lift, Genma watched the numbered circles light up as a distraction from the encounter to come but it came all too soon. He knocked lightly on the door to their room. "Nodoka," he called softly, "we need to talk. It's about Ranma." He felt her presence approach but she didn't answer. 'Probably peeking out the peep-hole,' he decided, though the lens was just as dark now as it was before he knocked. "We need to talk about her omiai and engagement," he explained and promptly gave gimself a mental kick to the head for letting her know he'd already decided.

The door opened to a darkened room. His wife was in her yukata. In a harsh whisper, she demanded, "How _could_ you?"

"I didn't read past the first two pages!" he replied in defense of his foolishness. It was a poor defense and it appeared it wouldn't help his case given the way she crossed her arms. He was very glad at that moment she left the family blade home.

"You waited until we were in front of the Shimeru at our son's omiai to _tell_ me?" she said with full, feminine skepticism.

"I knew you'd want to kill me," he blurted out, proving once again he was Ranma's father.

"I might just do that," she replied, proving once again she was Ranma's mother. "Now, please explain the comment about the engagement," she ordered, stepping out of the way so he could enter the room.

Genma walked over to the bed and sat on the corner near the end. It was unmade, confirming Nodoka was fresh out of it. 'I'll bet she was worrying herself into a frenzy,' he guessed. His wife approached the bed and climbed in covering herself back up. There was no invitation in that action. She had taken several of the pillows to prop her head up, too. He didn't have to work hard at looking miserable and disappointed but he came up from the pool for a reason.

"Nodoka," he began, "how do you feel about the match so far?" he asked.

She looked down at her hands where they lay over their bedspread. Her hands fidgeted, thin fingers twining with each other while her head and heart knitted her thoughts. "I think he's a nice young man," she finally decided.

"Do you think he's… good for Ranma?"

"I… maybe. They got along well at first, didn't they?" Nodoka asked. He nodded and scratched his chin. "They were pretty quiet over supper, weren't they?"

"Mm, hm," he murmured and was mildly pleased to find he had driven her to exasperation with his questions, and innuendo. He would much rather have her be curious and frustrated in anticipation than angry and depressed.

"Something happened, didn't it," she accused. He let the moment drag out until she jumped to an erroneous happy conclusion. "Did he ask her to marry him?"

He pushed his glasses up with a finger and smirked. "You know that agonizing hour of posturing we endured?" Nodoka nodded slowly, eager for the next bits of news. He loved dragging things out with her. She was incredibly cute that way. "Well, when we came back and I headed down to the pool, did you hear anything in Ranma's room next door?" She blinked trying to remember and looked back with the obvious question written on her face. "That was because Ranma wasn't there," he said in his wise old kempo master voice and enjoyed the sour pout on her face. After she recovered, he added, "Of course, when I got to the pool, he wasn't _there_, either. I knew he wouldn't be because…"

"Yes," she prompted.

Outright curiosity and excitement were on her face for his personal viewing pleasure. He enjoyed it to the fullest extent for an instant of time and answered before she could slip back into frustration. "… _she_ was in Shimeru Baimei's room." He loved the way her eyes widened.

"Do you suppose- Were they- You don't think-" Nodoka gasped out her fragmented sentences but there was only one thing on her mind. She covered her mouth with both hands. Her eyes begged him for confirmation.

Genma turned to face his lovely wife and took off his bandanna and glasses while he crawled over to whisper his observations into Nodoka's ear. She squealed in joy and kicked her legs under the sheets in excitement. He continued to relay the discussions with Shimeru Baijo, Nikorin and Baiko along with what he saw by the pool.

Later, she took his clothes off for him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

'Bo-ring, bo-ring, bo-ring,' the litany ran through her head as she crawled through the water one short lap at a time. It may have been boring to her, but to Baimei, who paddled around a bit before joining her parents when Ranma's own father left, it must have been so much worse. All Baimei did was watch her, obviously waiting for her to finish the hundred laps. Ranma was determined not to let her grow bored from waiting and stretched to make a real workout of the task.

Well, stretched wasn't exactly the correct word. Ranma did as her father taught and used ki to assist her speed by adding a measure of control to whorls of the water she cut through. It compounded the work but also tore through the limits on speed the water placed upon her. Ki could be used to extend her reach and cut the water's drag. She did this, now, and ripped through the tiny fourteen meter long pool with only six strokes per lap. Most of her time was spent turning around between laps but it wouldn't be long before she had her hundred in. Of course, she didn't exactly know _when_ she'd hit her hundredth lap. Ranma had lost count the first time around the fifteen mark. 'I'll just do a couple extra an' call it good,' she decided.

After a while, Ranma figured she must have reached a hundred and slowed down. A couple of breast strokes took her to the shallow side and she glided around three kids yelling excitedly and into the one meter deep area before letting her feet touch the tiled bottom of the pool. There were fewer children than when she started. Those that were left seemed to be challenging each other to dive to the bottom and hold their breath. She smiled at their antics remembering her own diving experiences. In front of her was a broad curve of steps leading up with two railings splayed wide dividing the steps into thirds. She picked one to help steady herself while gravity reasserted its hold on her during the climb out.

Ranma ran her index fingers along the inside of her suit's leg openings to resettle it when Baimei surprised her with a warm towel and a fresh fuzzy bathrobe. "Come on over, Ranma-chan," she said with a wide smile and led her, still dripping and wiping down with the towel, to the Shimeru table.

"That was awesome!" she heard one red-faced guy yell from amidst a knot of young men at another table where they were sipping amber-colored liquor from tumblers filled with ice. She waved and grinned at them. Yes, she was awesome.

Ranma followed Baimei over to her parent's table while drying off with the towel. She found a hidden benefit in the hotel's Western theme. The night was beginning to cool and, while she just finished a workout, knew she would want to be warm and dry inside that big fluffy robe Baimei was carrying. The typical yukata would not be quite so cozy this time of year. The two of them were soon around the pool. Baijo, who was currently Baimei's mother, had already acquired a fifth chair from the next table and was motioning for her to sit.

Suddenly unsure of what to do, she settled on formality. Ranma bowed to the parents and grandparent. "Pleased to meet you," she said. 'Oops, duh,' she thought bringing her hands together in front much too late.

They all returned the bow from, if more shallowly, from where they stood or sat along with the greeting. Ranma was aware Baimei had an arm around her waist. It reminded her of her own possessive behavior toward Akane when she was male but there the similarity ended. Ranma was not the least bit offended by possessive women and kind of liked the feeling. Akane, on the other hand, would probably do something violent and uncomfortable if, after a good chewing-out, he didn't take the hint.

Her new fiancée ushered her to the chair her mother, Baijo, indicated and the older woman asked, "Would you like something to drink, Ranma-chan? I was just going to get some cold soda. Maybe Baimei and I could bring something back for you."

"I can get it," Ranma quickly offered before realizing she had no money, much less a pocket to hold it in.

While she was feeling sheepish about speaking before thinking, Baijo let her off the hook. "No, no, I insist. You just finished your swim. What would you like? We'll see if they have it."

"Er, ah, I'd like a, uh, a Pokari Sweet, if they have it," she requested and laid the towel she'd used over the chair to keep the plastic bands from sticking to her skin.

Baijo looked up at her daughter. "Your grandmother and I were going to have some hot tea so I'll have my hands full. Would you help me out?"

Baimei agreed, though with an odd reluctance, and handed Ranma her terrycloth hotel robe and retied her own. "Want anything, Dad?" she asked Nikorin, who sat beside Ranma.

"Milk tea, please. Bring back a snack, too, would you?" Nikorin asked.

"Of course," Baijo agreed.

"Be right back Ranma-chan," Baimei said, giving her a reassuring smile. Ranma watched as Baijo led Baimei back into the hotel.

"So you study the martial arts, Ranma-chan?" Nikorin asked, drawing her attention back to the remaining family members.

The question was simple enough. "Yes," she replied.

"We saw photographs of the school fight. It was incredible by normal standards," he said.

Ranma began to wonder where he was going with this and was of half a mind to preen under the compliment but something about the way he said it put her on alert. "It wasn't _that_ great," she said with a shrug. "Pantsuto showed up. He's a great fighter and as strong as an ox but I got a lot of help," she said, trying to mind her grammar around her fiancée's family.

"Has anyone ever been hurt in such impressive fights," he asked while Grandmother Baiko watched the pool in apparent lack of concern.

"No," was her first response, "everyone is sort o' okay with just beatin' their enemy in front o' everyone."

"Really?" Nikorin asked, though his voice had a deadpan ring to it.

Ranma gave a little ground and qualified her statement. "Well, Ryouga, Hibiki Ryouga, can get a little… down, you know, about not winning, and Pantsuto would rather beat me, steal my shorts, an' beat me some more 'cause he's such a jackass. Aaand, the girls would probably beat me for letting _anyone_ steal my shorts, except them. Most people are kind of like Mousse. He'd like to beat me in the worst way in front of Shampoo but he kind of doesn't care when she's not watching."

"Still, no one is injured?" Nikorin asked.

"There… there have been some close calls," Ranma replied, becoming more uncomfortable with the topic. She pulled her feet, one after the other, up onto the chair and hugged her knees. She fidgeted, picking at her toenails, while she tried to avoid further explanation. "Sometimes things just get… intense." Ranma hoped the Shimeru family would notice her subtle hints to stop asking questions like that but they waited patiently, expecting an answer. "Okay, so a few times, not _too_ many, there was a close call where someone almost… you know, but it didn't happen _permanently_."

Nikorin leaned over from his chair and rubbed her back between the shoulder blades. The unexpected comforting raised her opinion of the Shimeru mother in male form. His words, too, were both sincere and a surprise. "I am sorry to push you so hard on this topic, Ranma-chan, but my son could be a target of opportunity for many people and organizations. I only wished for you to understand just how serious a danger is out there and find out if you have been tested in one."

She stared, unseeingly, at her knees while her mind replayed dreadful scenes from Jusendo. There were others, too, that was for sure, but this last adventure, if it could be called that, had left an indelible mark on her. It had involved a great many choices a hair's breadth from death. She ran her tongue around the inside of her teeth and swallowed to work some moisture back into her dry mouth. Closing her eyes, she grudgingly told them, "Akane almost died last time she got kidnapped. So did I and a lot of others. I h-had to kill someone. He's the Phoenix Prince so all of his bits, they burned up and he turned into an egg so he'd get reborn." She buried her face in her knees so they could not see how upset it made her.

Nikorin continued to rub her back for another moment in silence. She enjoyed it with a guilty pleasure that balanced the hurt until he said, "Ranma-chan, perhaps you should put your feet down and cross your legs. You're giving that table of young men a show."

"Huh?" she asked, looking up and around before spotting the guys a few tables away taking surreptitious glances her way. Their eyes were aimed lower. "Oh," she added and slid her feet off the chair's seat and crossing her knees. She then snatched her robe off the round table and stood to put it on before reclaiming her seat. She tried to avoid the men's gazes. "Um, thanks, Shimeru-san," she mumbled, crossing her legs again and straightening the robe out over her knee.

"Keep working at maintaining proper modesty and dignity, Ranma-chan, and please call me mother or father," Nikorin chided. Ranma felt a warm fuzzy feeling not entirely caused by the thick robe. It contrasted wildly with the growing chill of doom creeping up her spine and the cooling night air over her damp feet.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"What's up, Mom?" Baimei asked, walking with Baijo, who was currently her mother, into the hotel's pool entrance. A row of vending machines was hidden inside the small foyer along with doors to the men's and women's toilets. Another pair of doors made of triple-paned glass separated the pool area and hallway toward the elevators, no doubt to keep the noise from reaching the lobby.

Baijo, who was currently her mother, pulled her black billfold and a few large coins from the front right pocket of her khaki slacks. She wore them, and a loose matching blouse with palm frond prints over her swimsuit. The set clashed with the bright blue and green mottled one-piece beneath. Baimei refused to comment on it. She had long since given up trying to instill fashion sense into her genetic father and, to be honest, she never really cared that much, either. Baijo handed her a short stack of five hundred yen coins, which she took without argument wishing it were a bit more.

Mother and daughter, or father and son, stood before the vending machines in companionable silence until Baimei deposited a fat coin into the machine before her. "How _is_ everything between you and Ranma-chan," Baijo casually asked while he fed a thousand yen note into the hot drink machine.

Startled, she answered, "Pretty good." She would have said more but thought better of it.

"That's good," Baijo answered just as cryptically punching a button. A can loudly fell to the bottom and the machine began spitting back change. Baimei belatedly punched her own button, getting Ranma her Pokari Sweet. "Have you asked her to marry you, yet?" Baijo asked causing Baimei to gape at her while she bent to pick Ranma's drink from the machine's mouth.

"N-not yet," Baimei responded.

Baijo started feeding the change back into the machine. "Do you intend to?"

Feeling caught red-handed, Baimei answered, "Um, yes." The doors to the pool were pushed open and three foreign men in trunks and loose shirts or tee-shirts walked by talking in English, or maybe Australian, about when they'd meet in the lobby the next morning. One had a funny accent that sounded like German but Baimei was a poor judge of language. Another yawned, widely, on his way through to the lobby. All she knew was that none sounded American like her English professor. She fed more change into the cold drink machine and punched the button under an example can of iced coffee.

"How far have you two gone?" her mother asked feeding change into the machine once more.

Baimei paled and looked away trying to think of what to say. At the farthest end of the row of machines, near the bathrooms, was a machine selling panties and porn magazines. Next to it was a narrow machine selling energy drinks and condoms. 'So _that's _where they found them,' she realized, thinking of her brothers. 'Where _are_ they, anyway?' She needed to repay them somehow.

"Son?" Baijo prompted.

"Oh, ah, after supper we went back to our rooms and changed but Ranma came over and we ended up talking. She doesn't mind that I'm really tall. Really! And, she seems like she's okay with my turning into a man."

"That's good," her mother commented gathering a third drink in the crook of her left arm. Baijo moved closer to the doors near the lobby. There was a vending machine there for flowers and she idly pushed the button to rotate the carrousel.

Baimei looked around the short hall brightly lit with colorfully glowing advertisements on the machine's faces. "Where's all the food?" she demanded. There was only one machine and it only had little snacks for kids.

"They want people to use the restaurant," her mother answered.

'Oh,' Baimei thought, 'no wonder. There isn't even a beer machine.'

"So, how far did you two go?" her mother persisted in asking.

Baimei realized Baijo wanted _answers_ and would not leave the vending row until she _got_ answers. "After we talked, some, Baisuke and Baito walked in on us to drop off some, ah, energy drinks," she admitted, more than willing to drag her brothers into it. "After that, we talked some more and then kissed and stuff," she said as ambivalently as she could hoping to gloss over some details.

"I hope you used a condom," her mother chided. Baimei gave half a nod but stopped, her face coloring. "Anything else happen?" Baijo asked, still idly pushing the carousel button on the flower machine.

Swallowing nervously, she struggled for something else to make the conversation less personal. The only thing she could think of was hardly better. "Sh-she decided to take me as a fiancé," she blurted out. Her knees were feeling rather week and she didn't know whether to blush the color of a tomato or pale like a ghost and faint.

Her mother seemed to have settled on something and fed some money into the vending machine. She slid a door open near the bottom and pulled out an arrangement Baimei recognized as having the bright yellow and orange colors Nikorin, her biological mother, enjoyed. "Then it seems like we're all in agreement," Baijo stated. "Pick out a few boxes of snacks and then come here. You should choose which flower you want to propose with." The iced coffee can slid from Baimei's grip and she was forced to jump so it wouldn't hit her toes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma watched, curiously, while Baimei and her currently female father wend their way around the pool back toward the round table they'd all claimed. Baimei and her mother both had an armload and were carrying what looked like miniature vases with flowers in their right hands. She and Nikorin quickly got up to help them unload onto the table. There was an eerie tension in the air that set Ranma's hackles up. Baimei still held the small plastic white vase with red white and blue flowers inside.

The mystery was solved when Baimei knelt before her and held out the flowers. "Saotome Ranma-sama," she quietly said with a stricken look on her face, "would you please marry me?"

In that instant, the Earth and all of time stopped for her. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped. Ranma's first thought was that it wasn't as serious a situation as it appeared. Misunderstandings tended to happen with alarming frequency around her and this must surely be one of them but there were no laughter and no embarrassed retractions; not from Baimei and not from any one of her family. Ranma gasped, restarting her breath.

Wide-eyed, she looked down at the older woman kneeling in her hotel robe before her. Both hands were around the flower vase holding it out in offering. Baimei looked sick. Her face was both flushed and pale as if she had a fever. The vase wavered as Baimei's hands trembled. The young Shimeru gulped nervously and Ranma unconsciously mimicked her. The situation was absurd, yet utterly serious and Ranma knew every second was agony for the person she liked kneeling before her.

A five or six year old boy stopped to watch while he was wandering by. He blinked and time restarted. Ranma reached out for the flowers with a growing smile. "Red for boy and blue for girl, huh? Nice choice," she commented. "Now get up. You're attractin' attention." Ranma tried not to look at the guys around the pool openly gaping at the scene.

She almost set the flowers directly on the table but impulsively decided to see how they smelled. Ranma lifted the bouquet right up under her nose and inhaled, deeply, watching Baimei rise with a nervous smile. She fixed the moment indelibly into her memory before it could pass. "Thank you, Shimeru Baimei-sama," she replied. "I have other obligations to work out but I'll let you know real soon," she answered. The honesty of her own answer surprised her. This single tiny event was more profound than the formal omiai.

Taking Baimei's hand in hers, she smiled and said, "You look like crap," and led her to a reclining lounge chair nearby the table. "I think I promised you a massage," she added. Baimei was beginning to look pale. It would help her to lie down. Ranma reclined the lounge chair all the way down and took off her bathrobe, ignoring the rest of the Shimeru family, to spread it over the flexible plastic lathes. They seemed somewhat loose until she remembered her father, the panda, last used it.

Baimei offered only token resistance she was so far out of it. That made it easy for Ranma to slide her fingers through the belt; undoing the loose knot and helping her disrobe. Under her guidance, Baimei settled to her stomach on the flattened chair while Ranma knelt on the cement near the head. She placed a palm on each of Baimei's shoulders and leaned over giving the woman a kiss on her cheek. Whispering in her ear, Ranma said, "I have not said no. In fact, I'd kind o' like to say yes. I just got t' figure out what t' do with Akane an' the rest o' the Tendo family."

From then on, Ranma put her hands to work gently kneading the kinks out of her worn-out fiancé. She was pleased she could get her to relax. Baimei deserved it. She, and he, had earned this small comfort many times over and her fiancée eventually groaned in satisfaction while Ranma worked on the knotted and bruised areas. "Too bad this is a _public_ pool," she saucily commented.

After the massage, she helped Baimei back up and into her fuzzy bathrobe grinning while her charge melted into the chair at the table with a pleased moan. "That felt sooooo good, Ranma-chan," Baimei complimented her. Ranma smiled happily and cracked open her can of Pokari sweet along with a box of Poko chocolate pretzel sticks.

"I want a massage, too," Nikorin said in a false whine to her left. Ranma was half-certain the pout on him was not the least bit faked.

Ranma gobbled her Poko and grinned. "You want one, too?" Baimei, sitting on Ranma's right side, groaned like an old man and reached feebly across the table for her iced coffee.

Nikorin blinked in surprise. "Would it be too much trouble?" he asked.

Shaking her head, she said, "Got t' use the toilet, first, stupid girl bladder, but I'll be right back. Maybe they got more towels around here." Ranma got up from her chair and slid into her bathrobe.

"I'll find you some," Baijo quickly said and stood as well.

They left the pool area together. Ranma parted from the woman who might be her father-in-law just inside the entrance to the pool area where the toilets and vending machines are and almost humiliated herself by going into the men's side but Baijo gently corrected her without ridicule. After doing her business and wishing she'd worn sandals, she washed her hands and returned after pausing to stare into the mirror over the two sinks. "Can I really do this?" she murmured on her way back through the doors to the pool. Across the blue water where half a dozen children shrieked excitedly and four adults swam or chatted together was a table with three people who she knew changed genders every day but were sane, even normal, in every other way.

"You're turn," she quipped while approaching Nikorin in his chair from behind. The man's face turned eagerly toward her and Ranma shucked her robe to lay it across the lounge chair. He didn't waste a moment.

"Thank you, Ranma-chan! Oh, I haven't had a massage in while. This is going to feel so good," he said.

"Oh, yeah," Baimai moaned. "For sure."

Ranma looked across the table to Baiko. "Want one?" she asked. "Better call it, now," she warned.

When she turned back, Nikorin was already down to his swim trunks and settled on his stomach. Ranma quickly got to work. This time she added stretches from her repertoire of physical therapy and acupressure, things no one in her family business can do without. She also began to feel out Nikorin's chi paths. They did not seem normal and they puzzled her.

Fifteen minutes later, Nikorin was moaning in an endorphin-induced high, which Ranma was smugly proud of, when Baijo returned with a small load of towels, including two bathrobes, and the rest of the Shimeru family. "Grandpa, you've _got_ to let Ranma-chan give you one of these massages," Nikorin said from where he lay on the chair.

"I've been watching," Baiko said. "I'm not sure I want to be folded up and bent around like that. I'm not as flexible as I used to be."

Ranma was secretly relieved. Giving massages was not what she normally practiced and there was a real danger she could tear muscle or break bones.

"You guys don't get any," Baimei said waving in dismissal at her brothers.

"That's okay, Little Sister," Baito commented, "We already got ours."

Ranma helped Nikorin sit up but did not need to help him to his feet. "Go fetch another table," he said, quite unnecessarily. Both Nibun and Fumori were already on it. The two industrious women looked tired but they quickly had another round table pulled together with the original one and were gathering chairs for their spouses.

"Flowers?" Baisuke prompted to his sister.

Baimei remained silent leaving Baijo to explain. "Baimei proposed to Ranma-chan."

"Dad!" Baimei exclaimed in embarrassment.

"She hasn't said yes, yet, but we're hopeful," Baijo continued, riding right over Baimei's protests.

"Hey, congratulations," Fumori told Baimei with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, congratulation," Nibun added.

Baimei accepted their well wishes a lot easier than she accepted the innuendo her brothers launched into. Ranma observed everything with interest. Before, she was a guest at the table. Now, she was overwhelmed by the mass of the family.

"Come on, dear," Nikorin said to his wife, "You work long enough hours. You could use a good massage and Ranma-chan is very talented."

Suddenly the center of attention, again, Ranma looked toward Baijo and nodded. "Ready?" she asked.

The woman dithered, undecided but obviously interested, until Nikorin grabbed her arm and led her toward the chair. Baijo ducked her head toward Ranma and said, "Please treat me kindly." Nikorin stood by while his wife took off her shirt and slacks leaving only the bright blue and green mottled one-piece swimsuit.

Ranma ran her fingers along the inside of her suit's leg openings and under the shoulder straps to reseat them before approaching her fiancé's female father as she gingerly lay down on the reclined lounge chair. "Is there anywhere that hurts?" she asked.

"My back," she replied without hesitation.

The rest of the family watched while Ranma traced the woman's spine and the muscles attached. Baijo winced around some of the muscle groups in the middle and near the neck. Ranma got to work. First, she had to loosen the muscles. Methodically, she worked her neck and back loose before moving on to her arms and hips. Baijo put up with all of her abuse, biting back occasional moments of discomfort just like a man ought to. Once Ranma was reasonably confident Baijo was ready, she said, "I'm going to straighten your spine, okay. It's prob'ly gonna pop a few times. You're kind o' compressed an' pushed out."

Baijo did not tell her to stop but did not give permission, either. In the end, Ranma decided to go ahead and do it, anyway. She was sure Tofu-sensei would. Still, she started with Baijo's hips. Ranma had her lay on her back while she picked up a leg in one arm and used her other arm to push Baijo's hip over in a quarter turn. Two great pops were heard and Ranma rocked the hip a bit farther. Without stopping, she put the leg down and went around the chair for the other only to do the same thing making an audible thump. She went back and forth between legs until she was sure Baijo's muscles were stretched and her lower spine mostly in line.

"Sit up," she prompted. Baijo sat up and turned sideways in the chair. Ranma got behind her on her knees and gently wrapped her left arm around her neck. She pushed his head with gently increasing pressure from her right hand while her left increased its own tension. Baijo's neck popped loudly. Ranma quickly switched arms and did the same. Then, she traced Baijo's spine from her neck to between her shoulder blades and hooked an arm under the older woman's armpit. She lifted the arm with a twist while pressing her forearm along the spine. Baijo crackled and it was the other arm's turn.

The massage lasted almost half an hour while the family chatted about work and after-work activities or, in Baimei's case school. Once Ranma got the woman's disks back in line, she continued working Baijo's muscles and spine, stretching, massaging, and twisting until they moved freely. Then, she went back and focused on giving her the same whole-body acupressure treatment that flooded Nikorin's body with endorphins not too long ago.

"Wow," Baijo said when it was finally over. "I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel like a new man but tonight, I feel like an over-cooked noodle."

Ranma laughed, nervously, helped her back to her chair at the table and pulled her fluffy robe on, again. "Heheh. Sorry about that. I'm not really good at this stuff. Ono Tofu-sensei is a real doctor. I prob'ly messed you up."

Nikorin asked, "Oh, do you know a doctor that gives massages like yours?"

Ranma shook her head. "Ono Tofu-sensei runs a moxibustion clinic. He knows _way_ more stuff than I do. All the old geezers in town go to him."

"Is that so," Nikorin commented shooting a meaningful look at his wife and mother-in-law.

"Hey," Ranma hesitantly started, "do you guys get stronger as you get older?" There were confused and intrigued looks all around so she decided to explain the oddity a little more. "When… when I gave Baimei-chan her massage, her chi was all…" Ranma waved her hands at the back of her neck. "… back here and along her spine and it looked kind o' low, like she's tired, but you guys," she said glancing toward Baijo on one side of the table and Nikorin beside her, "have more. It's still in the same place, held real close to the spine and head. I know you guys're different 'cause normal people like me have it spread out more except for our core, here." Ranma indicated her diaphragm.

"What are you talking about?" Fumori asked. It seemed the rest of the family had the same question if the matching looks on their faces meant the same.

Ranma rose from her chair between Nikorin and Baimei and walked to stop at the adjacent table behind Baito. She held her hands out behind the man and frowned. Moving along to Fumori, she did the same and got the same result. "Huh. Weird. You guys are tired, too."

Baisuke laughed and wagged a finger at his brother and sister-in-law. "Busted!" Ranma walked around to the next person, Nibun. She appeared low on chi as well but when she approached Baiskue, he waved his hands and said, "Guilty! Guilty!"

Ranma looked back across the table. Nikorin had an eyebrow up on his forehead. He made a moue at his oldest children. "Make sure the four of you get a good night's _sleep_," she intoned. Ranma glanced over to Baimei. She looked somewhat befuddled, too.

"Interesting talent you have there, young lady," Baiko said giving her a measuring look.

Ranma, still standing behind and between Nibun and Baisuke, asked, "What?"

On Baisuke's left, his mother, Baijo squirmed as if to burrow deeper into her seat. "This is probably a topic for a more private setting," she said. "Why don't we go retire to our rooms for the night. It's been a long day. We can all sleep in, tomorrow. We'll have a Western brunch at eleven. From two to four, we have a master of the tea ceremony to teach or refresh us on the classic art followed by an engagement party I have yet to arrange." Baijo looked her in the eye and said, "If it is all right with you, Ranma-chan, I would like to extend the omiai until Monday morning because it has been such a success to this point. I already have yours and your parents' rooms reserved for the extra night. I know you have other commitments and school on Monday but, if you agree to an engagement to Baimei, I would like to have a little celebration."

"You're asking me?" she asked having been caught by surprise.

"I am," Baijo replied. "I know you are already engaged to someone else and possibly others, too, but will you accept an engagement to our family as well?"

Ranma quickly glanced to Baimei. The tall girl paled and dropped her eyes but lifted them back to meet hers with desperate hope. "I do. I mean, I will," Ranma confidently stated. "I've been engaged to people I like less for some dumb-ass reasons. Can you guys deal with my life being totally screwed up?"

Baito snorted and Nikorin shot him another raised eyebrow. Ranma's eyes were on Baimei. "I don't care," she said.

"What if I act like a cat and shred your furniture?" Ranma asked.

"We'll get you cat ears and paw gloves, maybe a tail, too," Baisuke replied warmly. Baimei blushed and Ranma declined to ask.

Instead, she asked, "What if some goofball decides to challenge me to a fight or some pissed-off ex-fiancée comes after my hide?"

"We have our own resources, too, Ranma-chan," Nikorin proudly said from his chair opposite her. He gave her a level stare, though, adding, "Please do _not_ let people destroy our house. Is that clear?" Ranma nodded, quickly.

"In that case, Ranma-chan, do you accept an engagement to Baimei?" Baijo patiently asked.

Ranma thought it over rapidly. The decision was easy and she strode back around the table to stand next to Baimei, who looked up at her in breathless anticipation. "I just… I'm… Sorry, I'm not used to being asked but I made up my mind, before. You have my word, Shimeru Baimei, that I'm gonna be your fiancée. That don't mean we'll get married, for sure, 'cause my life is complicated but you got every right to call me your fiancée." With that, Ranma ducked her head to meet Baimei's lips and let her new fiancée guide her into her lap while they kissed long and deep.

"Holy shit! Check it out!" one guy yelled across the pool. Ranma and Baimei instantly separated, blushing from embarrassment. They spied the man pointing at them with his mouth and eyes wide open. His friend's face was swiveled around toward them and Ranma had a fraction of a second to notice how deeply red it was before he fainted backward, blood exploding in a gory shower across the concrete from his nose. Children ran screaming while a pink cloud spread across the pool.

"I think we should all head up to our rooms, now," Baijo said. There was agreement all around.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Hello?" Akane called, knocking on the door to U-chan's.

She saw Konatsu scurry toward her and, a moment later, he was throwing bolts and opening the door for her. "Please, come in, Tendo-sama," he said bowing politely, though he still bowed like a woman. It was understandable, Akane supposed, after all, he dressed like a woman, spoke and acted the part exceedingly well.

"Thank you, Konatsu-kun," Akane replied with a bow. "There's no need to be so formal with me," she reminded him for the thousandth time. He stood to the side and she entered, straightening her gi one last time. This was an important visit and Akane wanted to put her best foot forward. "Is Ukyou-san done cleaning up?" she asked.

"Ukyou-sama is counting her vegetables," Konatsu explained in his odd way. It appeared Ukyou was taking inventory. Akane would wait. She had already waited this long. A few more minutes would not make a difference.

She let Konatsu lead her toward the great grill marking the border between kitchen and dining area. The tables already had their chairs turned over atop them. Akane took a seat at a stool and he brought her a diet cola, no doubt remembering her usual preference. "Thank you, Konatsu-kun," she told him. He smiled and bowed before going back to mopping the floor with a zest and efficiency that might only be found in someone with training as a teahouse kunoichi. Akane often wondered what sort of life he'd _really_ led before her master and the fathers liberated him.

Sipping her cola through the straw and trying not to touch the plastic glass lest her fingers get cold, Akane waited stoically for Ukyou to finish her inventory. "Konatsu-kun," she began, "how much do you know about Ranma?"

He slowed his cleaning enough to reply, "Ranma-sama is my idol. He's so handsome and can be so manly Ukyou-sama cannot help but fall in love with him."

"What about his girl-side?" she asked, getting to the heart of the matter.

He paused and stood up, sticking the mop-head back in the wheeled bucket and dragging it along beside him toward the front door. Amazingly, he didn't slop a drop on his waitress uniform. Akane wished she was that graceful. "Ranma-sama can be a woman or a man. He has many talents that I admire."

"You admire that?" Akane asked in surprise. "His curse isn't that convenient, you know."

"That is why he is so strong, Tendo-sama. I wish I could be that adaptable but I was raised as a girl. Whenever I try to be a man, I look foolish. Ranma-sama can be a man, or a woman."

Akane gave up and let him continue cleaning in silence. Her glass was nearly empty when Ukyou came out of the refrigerator with her clipboard at last. "Hi, Ukyou-san," Akane announced with as pleasant a smile as she could.

"Akane-san," Ukyou returned, "what brings you here, Hon?"

"Well, I came here to see if you were up to a little challenge between us. You're Ranma's fiancée, too, and I thought you might understand him a little better," she replied.

That got Ukyou's attention. "You're here to challenge me?"

Akane waved her hands in the negative. "Not to a fight. I might not be able to beat you and I'm not interested in that, anyway. I'm thinking of a different kind of challenge."

Ukyou's eyes narrowed and she hung her clipboard by a hook on the kitchen's wall. "What _kind_ o' challenge?" she asked.

This was what Akane had been working out all evening. She gave a theatrical sigh and said, "You know how Ranma's getting more comfortable being a girl, right?"

"Yeah, maybe," Ukyou allowed.

"Well, have you ever thought about what it would take to keep _her_ happy?" Ukyou didn't answer but narrowed her eyes further. Akane knew the idea had to have occurred to the other girls. It was obvious, after all. "Ranma has been spending a lot of time as a girl, lately. She even had that weird boyfriend of hers. I'm worried I won't be able to deal with touching Ranma as a girl."

Ukyou turned away and went to the soda fountain to pour herself a drink of her own. Akane figured it was to hide the fact her admission hit home and gave the chef a moment to mull it over. When Ukyou returned, Akane affected a dejected look. "Ranma's away this weekend, you know. She's going to an omiai her parents arranged."

"_What?"_ Ukyou yelled in shock.

Akane nodded, mournfully. "It's true. Auntie and Uncle Saotome found some girl who changes into a man. The whole family changes genders. They're at the omiai right now."

Ukyou walked woodenly around the grill and took a stool to sit on, herself, leaving one empty between. Akane eyed it, judiciously, while Ukyou complained, "How could he do that to me?"

"It wasn't Ranma," Akane replied. "Obasan and Ojisan decided. He _had_ to go along. I'm just worried this new woman who turns into a guy will have an advantage over me."

"So you came here to challenge me?" Ukyou growled.

"I wasn't going to challenge you to a fight. That's pretty pointless. I don't think this new girl knows anything about fighting at all. If he wants a skilled fighter, he'll pick between us, right?" Ukyou glowered at her. "Anyway, that's not what I was worried about. I mean, what if this girl is good with _girls?_ Think about it. This is a girl who turns into a man. She knows everything about both sexes first hand. She could be having her way with Ranma right this minute," Akane said while thinking the odds of that happening incredibly long.

"Why're you here, again?" Ukyou asked. "Because if you're just trying to piss me off, you're doin' a great job."

"A friendly challenge – for training, actually. It's partly a challenge to myself, too. I- I need to find out if I can _touch_ Ranma-chan, like _that."_ This was the delicate part, she knew. Akane had to make it sound reasonable and necessary. Otherwise, Ukyou may never agree to be her training partner.

"Touch her? You mean, ah, have sex with his girl side?" Ukyou asked, disbelief in her voice.

"Yes," Akane affirmed. "I know I'm attracted to Ranma's boy-side. I guess you are, too," she said raising her eyebrows in question.

Ukyou nodded. "Damn right."

"See, the problem is with his girl-side. That's _half_ of Ranma. He's, like, a girl half the time!" Akane said waving her hands in a wild gesture. "What can I do to compete with a woman who turns into a man?" A grunt and a slurp was Ukyou's response. "That's why I need your help. Maybe you don't need mine. You're used to acting like a man. Maybe you've had practice with other girls. I haven't. That's why I thought I'd come to you."

"I only _dress_ like a man!" Ukyou said and thumped the counter with a fist for emphasis.

"Oh," Akane said in a disappointed tone. "I thought you'd be up for a challenge."

"I _am_ up for a challenge but this is…"

Turning on her stool, Akane gave her full attention to Ukyou. "Look, Kuonji-san, I am _not_ willing to lose to some _guy_ just because I don't have any experience, much less because I can't please his girl-side. I'd like to practice with you because you understand Ranma better than anyone else and I trust you to keep this between us." She took a deep breath but continued to hold Ukyou's gaze. _"However_, I also understand how hard this is."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou wavered on the edge. Tendo's proposal sounded crazy. It _was_ crazy. Ukyou was not the least bit attracted to women but Akane's argument was valid. What _would_ she do if her Ran-chan did not get the cure to his curse? Would she be able to handle it, as Tendo Akane was trying to do?

"Okay. I'm up for it," Ukyou said though she wondered if it were really true. Akane reached over and clasped her hand reassuringly. "Let's take this upstairs or we'll give some salaryman a bloody nose an' I'll just have to kill him." Turning toward the silently observing kunoichi, she said, "Konatsu-kun, mind the store, would you?" He nodded in uncharacteristic quiet.

Her heart hammered as she preceded Tendo Akane up the staircase in the back. Most of the upstairs was storage leased out to various other businesses nearby. She kept only a small room in the front for herself. Konatsu slept in under the counter in an unused space downstairs as part of his free room and board.

Once in her room and out of prying eyes, she checked the blinds to make sure they were down and turned to face her rival for Ranma. "So, how does this challenge, work, Hon?" she asked placing her hands on her hips.

Akane took a step forward, stopping just outside of her personal space. "Well, let's see. For the challenge to work, we have to be able to touch each other," she said holding up one finger. Ticking off another point, she added, "We have to try to touch each other in an exciting way. A clumsy grope like some stupid boy would just upset Ranma, right? That's why we need to try to make _her_ feel good."

Ukyou involuntarily swallowed. Her mouth was dry. It wasn't a good sign. She nodded, anyway. "M-makes sense."

"Finally, we have to try to feel good, ourselves when we get touched by a girl."

Gulping again, Ukyou nodded. This had to be the weirdest challenge she'd ever been in. It trumped the Gambling King by a lot, a whole lot. "How – How do we start?" she asked, voice dry like a bag of flour.

"Well, you could touch _me_," Akane suggested. She stepped forward, again, and Ukyou forced herself not to step back. "Why don't we lie down?"

"No, I'm all right," Ukyou said without thinking.

Akane nodded slowly and reached out taking Ukyou's right hand in her left. "I _have_ to learn how to please Ranma-chan," Akane said and Ukyou nodded in agreement. Akane brought Ukyou's hand up to the Tendo's left breast and left it there while she stepped closer still to do the same to Ukyou. "Come on, Ukyou," she whispered as her lips drew closer, "this is a challenge. Can you afford to lose? I know _I _can't."

Ukyou fought with fear and revulsion while Akane drew her in for a light kiss. It was underwhelming, to say the least, but the Tendo girl's lips trailed kisses down her neck. The one hand started massaging her breast and the other crept around her back to her spine. Ukyou tried to mimic what Akane was doing but having fingers slide down into the valley in her rear shocked her to inaction. She tried to regain the initiative by gripping Akane's bottom but nothing seemed to work. Akane was not having any difficulty touching another woman.

Something warm happened to her left breast under Akane's insistent hand and it confused her. The Tendo woman switched hands and the same thing happened to the right breast. 'What's going on?' she wondered. 'Am I really attracted to women?'

Akane's arms wrapped around her waist and Ukyou felt herself lifted from her feet and tilted backward. She held onto Akane, wrapping her arms and legs around the smaller woman to keep from falling, while she was let gently down to her own futon, which Ukyou rarely folded up and put away.

White cloth, the traditional wrap used as a brassier that helped hide her gender, filled her vision. "How-" Her okonomiyaki-seller's shirt slid up under her armpits exposing her chest to Akane's hungry lips and fingers. What was happening on her upper torso distracted Ukyou for some time but she became aware of the Tendo woman's missing hand when a warm pulse drove straight into her mound. 'Ki! It's a ki technique!'

That missing hand of Akane's, now found, cupped her entire private area and began rubbing in a slow circle. It was happening too fast for Ukyou. She knew enough, now, to understand how Akane had suckered her and began to struggle. A warm flash entered her somewhere very sensitive and very close to her anus. "No!" Ukyou yelled and pushed Akane's shoulders up and away from her, forcing the frightening girl to lose the lip-lock on her right nipple.

"Come on, Ukyou!" Akane begged. "I promise you'll like it! Please, I need the practice!" As if Ukyou needed another reminder, Akane tried to slip her hand down _into_ Ukyou's pants.

"No!" Ukyou barked and kicked herself backward, away from the crazed Tendo sex fiend. "I can't do this!" she yelled but whatever Tendo Akane had done to her still stimulated her most sensitive parts.

Without warning, Konatsu was there; four of him, in fact. Two were escorting Akane back downstairs while one ran to the bath to remove the sections of insulation covering the tub and the other herded her toward the change room with a big blanket. She could hear Akane complaining on her way out, her voice becoming more strident in its frustration. The front door opened and closed with finality.

Relief washed over Ukyou while she found herself shaking in Konatsu's arms. One of him went up in smoke leaving her with the real one, she hoped. That one she hung onto while Akane's perverted ki technique echoed through her loins.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma hummed in the elevator surrounded by Shimeru. Her fiancée stood close by while the family made their escape with the other hotel guests fleeing the poolside bloodbath. 'Just act innocent,' she chided herself. Sneaking a look up at Baimei's face, she ventured a smirk. The woman looked appalled; mortified, even. It wasn't _their_ fault that guy had a low tolerance.

The lift chimed softly and let them out on their floor. Down the hall, room service was cleaning one of the rooms near theirs. A large cart of laundry including fresh towels and a large hamper for used linen was set to one side while a maid went in and out of an open room, no doubt preparing it for another guest.

"I hope she's not planning on vacuuming," Baimei commented.

"It _is_ kind of late to be doing the rooms," Fumori added.

Ranma paid it little attention. By agreement, they were all heading to Grandma Baiko's room. The female patriarch used his key and the family filed in after him. Nikorin was last in, his eyes narrowed at the hall. They arrayed themselves around the room before Baiko nodded to her daughter, Baijo.

"Ranma-chan, can you watch or feel or whatever you do while I change genders?" Baijo asked. She nodded, confused, but patient. "One moment, though," she added and went into the bathroom. Less than a minute later, she came back out wearing a fluffy robe like the one Ranma currently wore and approached to stand in front of her.

"Okay, Ranma-chan," Baijo said. "I'm going to change a few times. Tell me when you're ready. No one, at least not that we know of, has looked into our changing ability quite like you. We're all kind of curious."

Looking toward Baimei, Ranma got a nod. "Okay," she answered and closed her eyes holding her hands out toward Baimei's biological father. She concentrated when suddenly Baijo's chi shifted. "Whoah!" Now, it was spread out. "Go back," she asked. A few seconds later, Baijo's chi compacted back along her spine forming slightly larger pools near the top of the neck and in the small of her back. She opened her eyes and stared up at the middle-aged woman.

"What did you see?" Baiko asked Ranma from behind.

She continued to stare at Baijo puzzling over what she sensed. "Can you do it again?" Ranma asked and moved around behind her this time.

Baijo changed. Now _his_ chi was spread out a lot like a normal person's there was more of it, though – more in both forms. _This_ form seemed more spendy with it. She opened her eyes a crack to see where it moved to. Chi was filling channels previously nearly dry in his arms and legs. "You guys ever feel stronger like that? Your chi is all over. It looks mostly normal, now, but when you're the other way, it's like your body's hording it."

"Hmmm," Baijo hummed in thought.

Baiko explained from around Baijo, "Our birth forms are what we also call our immature forms. Whenever we need a boost of energy, we switch to our mature form. It happens for sex, of course, but it also happens when we get sick, or get stressed, or there's some sort of emergency. We can't hold it forever, though. We get tired faster and need to spend time back in our immature form."

Ranma took this into consideration and tried to discern differences between Baijo's male side and her own male side. Baijo had very few differences. There was still a small pool at the base of his skull. Some was between his legs but that was normal for everybody, right? She opened her eyes and looked over to Nikorin. He gave a nod and Ranma approached try the same thing.

Nikorin, like Baijo in her female form, seemed to be hoarding chi along the spine. "Okay, ready," Ranma said, her eyes still closed. The chi shifted. This time, in addition to flowing out along her limbs, the chi filled small paths to what Ranma guessed were her internal reproductive organs and breasts. She opened her eyes and matched the feel to sight. "It's the same but opposite," she concluded. "When you're mature, it's like you're normal humans with boosted chi. There's also this extra core in your head, here," she said pointing to the base of her own skull. "When you're the other way, most of the chi is gathered up along your spine."

"How does that compare to yours?" Baijo asked, his voice strong and commanding.

Ranma considered the question. 'How _does_ theirs compare to mine?' Aloud, she answered, "I got this huge amount from training all the time. It's big an' it's all over but I also got this core, here," she told them pointing at her gut. "This is where I've built up my pool. I thought all people did that but you don't."

"What kind of things can you do with it, Ranma-chan?" Baimei asked. "We saw your Wave Motion Fist in pictures of the school fight.

"I use it for everything," Ranma answered easily. "I heal faster, keep from getting sick or get better quicker, running, jumping, fighting, even swimming. Once you get good enough at using it, there's lots of stuff you can do but it also takes a lot of it to do things."

"Maybe it's some kind of evolutionary thing, Dad," Nibun speculated. "I could see how conserving energy for mating or emergencies would be an invaluable skill. This isn't the first time this has been suggested."

"I know," Baijo replied to her, "but you're the family physician."

Nibun shrugged, now the center of Shimeru attention. "Our physiologies are identical, as far as we can tell, but this is new. It's the only real difference anyone has been able to point out other than observations about our strength, hair and pheromones. What no one has been able to explain is why we change into opposite genders. It seems like a waste of energy; that, and no one can explain where the energy comes from." Eyes all around returned to Ranma.

"Hey, don't look at _me_. I don't know anything," she protested but it turned into a smirk, "except, maybe, martial arts. There, I'm awesome!" That bought her a few chuckles and the family decided to break up into their own rooms for the night. Down the hall a few rooms, a vacuum cleaner whined noisily in an open doorway.

"Ranma-chan," Baimei said to catch her attention in the hall while her parents and siblings retreated to their rooms, "can I have another massage? You gave my parents the works and I'm kind of jealous," she said with an obviously half-sincere pout. The other half was a grin of anticipation she couldn't keep from marring the act.

The corner of Ranma's mouth crept up in a grin of her own. "Eh, why not," she said and abandoned her door to join Baimei at hers.

Baimei slid the key into the lock and gave it a twist, pulling the levered handle to open the door into a darkened room. Ranma followed her in closely and felt the hair on her neck stand up. "Watch it!" she snapped. Her foot snapped out, too, catching a shadow in the gut. She was about to call it a panda when she realized it wasn't.

"What's _that!"_ Baimei exclaimed in alarm and fumbled for the light switch by the door.

"That" turned out to be a burly man in a black jumpsuit gasping for breath. Ranma dropped an elbow on his head and said, "Hold the door a sec." Baimei nodded, gaping, while Ranma picked the guy up by his belt and dragged him into the hall after peeking out to make sure no one was watching. The laundry cart was still there and looked both large and handy enough. "Hey," she whispered, "Grab your sheets."

Ranma left Baimei standing in the door and crept down the hall trying not to drag the assailant too loudly so as not to alert the vacuuming maid. When she got to the laundry cart, she gently heaved him over the side and he fell like a sack of rice into the large hamper. Baimei soon followed trailing a wad of bedding. Together, they were able to pack them over the unconscious man and Ranma congratulated herself on the genius of getting rid of the stained bedding at the same time as the nut-case who thought he could catch her by surprise.

She waved Baimei back into her room and watched the lanky woman scuttle away like a silent crab until it occurred to her that _she_ should disappear, too, and ran down the hall as silently as possible into the bay with the lifts. She wasn't a moment too soon when she heard the vacuum turn off. Ranma peeked around the corner and was spotted by the woman hurriedly putting the vacuum into its carrying spot on the cart.

Trying to look like an ordinary hotel customer, Ranma smiled shyly and walked up the hall toward her room and the cart beyond that. She got her key out in what she hoped was an innocent manner and tried not to stare at the laden cart as the maid felt the side and decided it was full. She had the key in her door before she remembered one crucial detail. "Hey, lady!" she called. The maid was industriously pushing the heavy card away toward the far end of the hall where the staff elevators were. "Hey!" Ranma called again and chased after the woman.

"What d'you want?" she said, not turning to show her face.

"Got any spare sheets?" Ranma asked. Otherwise, Baimei wouldn't have any.

"Sure, whatever, brat. Here," the maid said and grabbed a stack of them to load Ranma's arms until she could hardly see over the top.

"This is too many," Ranma complained. "I only need one set."

"Save 'em f'r tomorrow," the maid grouchily replied.

"Okay… I guess." Ranma took the load of clean linen and went back toward her room. Behind, she heard the service lift announce its arrival and the woman wrestled the cart inside. When it was gone, Ranma grumbled, "What a tomboy."

She knocked with her toe on Baimei's door and was ushered in. "Is he gone?" Baimei asked breathlessly.

"Yep," she answered and moved to the dresser to deposit her load. Baimei was out the door and across the hall knocking on her parents' room. Ranma sighed. "Man, I just _know_ I'm going to get in trouble for this," she said looking over all the extra linen.


	14. A Stranger Interlude

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – A Stranger Interlude

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Shimeru Baimei stared, wide-eyed, at her mother who had opened her hotel room door at Baimei's insistent knocking. The man who had given birth to her, Nikorin, was currently her father in appearance. It was enough to confuse pretty much anyone who was not a Shimeru. "Baimei, what's wrong?" Nikorin asked with concern in his voice when she didn't answer right away. His long, black hair was loosely braided for the night.

Glancing furtively down the hall, Baimei felt the change into a man threaten and strove to calm herself. She was tired, anyway, from the long day, a swim in the pool and other things. She would rather save her energy for Ranma, the magical girl-boy of her dreams. She gulped and faced her male mother. "I h-had a stranger in my room," she said in a near-whisper that sounded like a shout to her ears. Rather than explain in the hall, she pressed forward and Nikorin backed into the room closing the door behind.

While she looked around trying to gather her thoughts, she saw her biological father lift the television's remote from where she sat slumped down in the room's desk chair on the other side of the bed by the window. The tube winked off with an audible pop and she remembered her parents were waiting for an explanation.

"When we left Grandpa's room, I asked Ranma-chan for another massage-" Baimei started before thinking about how it might sound. Indeed, Nikorin raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. She quickly explained, "My back! It still hurts a little bit!" Baimei tried to look like an old man. Nikorin smirked at her. Her father, Baijo, made a grab for the remote she'd just put down. "We went in but there was some guy in there!" Nikorin's eyes narrowed and Baimei got the feeling he was suddenly very, very serious; more serious than time when she came home with a middling score in history during her second year of high school. She expedited her explanation. "He wasn't tall but not short, either. He wore all black and his hair was black… and he was built thick but not too fatty."

Her mother changed into her blonde-haired mature form and tightened the belt on her pajama bottoms. "Where is he?" she asked, voice cold as an arctic wind. Baimei was taken aback by her mother's vehemence until she remembered that hotel rooms typically did not include people lying in wait to assault her.

While she dithered over the concept of there being one person too many in her room, her mother went to the closet. Her father had changed into his mature form, as well. "I want you to stay in the bathroom and don't make a sound," he said in his nightgown and began leading her that way.

"Wait!" Baimei interrupted on seeing her mother pulling a flat rectangular box from her luggage. "Ranma-chan already took care of him."

That bought her a reprieve from being locked in the bathroom. Unfortunately, her mother was back with the questions _and_ the small case. "Is she all right? Where is she and where is this man?"

"She's across the hall in my room. She got rid of him already," Baimei quickly replied.

Her mother nodded to her father before entering the bathroom with the case and exiting with a large towel folded over her hand. Baijo kept her near the bathroom and, together, they listened to her mother leave the room and knock on a door to across the hall.

"Come in!" they heard Ranma call, though it was muffled by two doors. It was followed by an even less distinct, "Oh, right," and the sound of a door opening.

"Ranma-chan, are you all right?" they heard her mother ask.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to knock him out. He surprised me!" Ranma replied in a panic.

"Where is he?" her mother sternly asked.

"Uhh, that guy? I sort o'… ah… dumped him in a laundry cart. Don't know _where_ he is, now."

At that point, Baimei put two and two together and hissed, "It's all right, Dad. He's gone and Ranma got rid of him. I was there." She moved to the door and slowly opened it. "Mom! Ranma! In here!"

Ranma-chan scampered into the room looking as wary of her mother as Baimei, herself, felt. She was followed by Nikorin and her ominous towel-covered hand. Baimei met Ranma half way and pulled her back to her parents' bed where they sat down, together. She kept an arm around the smaller girl who wore a similar terry-cloth hotel bathrobe as her own, as much to support her in the face of her parents as to draw support _from_ her in the face of her parents.

Yet Baimei knew she was the better speaker between herself and Ranma and this was _her_ duty to Ranma. "When we went in Ranma-chan noticed something and yelled. I went for the lights. What we saw was a burly guy wearing black. He was bent over from where Ranma-chan kicked him. Then Ranma-chan slammed an elbow into the guy's head and knocked him out."

Her parents visibly relaxed but did not relax enough to change back. "Where is he, now?" Baijo calmly asked at the same time Nikorin asked if she'd checked on her brothers.

"Ranma got rid of him," Baimei answered. "She picked him up with one arm and carried him down the hall to that maid's cart and tossed him in. I grabbed the sheets off my bed and we spread them on top."

"The person cleaning the room when we came up from the pool?" her father asked. Her mother was already picking up the telephone.

"Ah, can I say he caught me by surprise," Ranma almost timidly put in, "just in case he's some hotel dude an' it's all a misunderstanding an' I shouldn't o' hit 'im?"

"You hit him twice," Baimei pointed out. She was somewhat stunned that Ranma even considered that an intruding stranger might have a good reason to be standing in the dark, wearing black, in her room.

"W-well," Ranma sputtered, "I didn't want him awake after the first time I hit him. He might get mad and swear revenge on me."

"You tossed him into the laundry cart and we covered him with sheets!" Baimei exclaimed, appalled by Ranma's logic.

Defensively, Ranma replied, "I figured if he woke up somewhere else and couldn't remember how he got there, he wouldn't be as pissed. Maybe he'd forget about it an' not call the cops on us."

Baimei and Ranma sat in a dreadfully uncomfortable silence while Nikorin confirmed her brothers and their husbands were fine. In fact, they had been as completely unaware of the incident as her parents. Her grandmother was fine, too. She was now aware Ranma was more worried about getting into trouble for assaulting their assailant than she was over actually having been assaulted. It made sense in a surreal sort of way given what Ranma told of her life so far. It steeled her resolve to be the kind of husband Ranma needed; one that would take care of her and make up for her deficiencies. Ranma had already proven she could make up for Baimei's lack of physical talents.

Her grandfather was the first to knock and be let in. Soon, her brothers and sisters-in-law were at the door, too. Her father let them in quietly while her mother was on the phone with the hotel staff. She assured them she was fine and her father was giving them a recap of the strange assault when Nikorin waved them all to be silent.

"There are no maids, tonight?" Nikorin asked over the telephone and everyone put in their best effort at listening. "Oh, I see, they finish by five but you keep two on call? And where are those two, now?" she asked. There was a pause while the person on the other side of the line could be heard murmuring into their mother's ear. "One has been at the front desk and the other running room service from the kitchen? What about carts? We just had a maid with a cart vacuuming not far down the hall." Another stretch of silence was broken only by the soft murmur from the handset. Baimei and the rest of her family, which hopefully would soon include Ranma, struggled to wait patiently while the family matriarch nodded occasionally to the telephone. "Yes. Yes, I will wait. Thank you very much. You have my room number? Yes, that is the one. Thank you for your help."

"Well," Baisuke eagerly prompted his mother while she placed the handset on its cradle, beating the others to the punch.

Nikorin sighed and crossed her arms, pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes in concentration. "There were no rooms scheduled for cleaning service," she said staring into the distance with brows knit. "There were no calls for service this late, either, or the front desk would have recorded it. The front desk said they would find out if all of the carts are accounted for and call back."

"Oh, so… what was she doin' there?" Ranma-chan asked while Baimei and the rest of the family put the logical puzzle pieces together.

Baito off-handedly answered, "Oh, probably just waiting for someone to drop into her cart."

"It's late and we can talk about it in the morning," Baijo interrupted to say. "I doubt anyone will be any more trouble, tonight." He gave his grown up children the same look he gave them as pre-teenagers – the look that said, "Don't argue and go to bed," and they did as they were told. Fumori took her husband's hand and bowed to her in-laws before dragging him out. Baisuke needed less encouragement and shrugged, saying goodnight to everyone before leaving as Nibun held the door for him.

Baimei opened her mouth but her mother spoke first. "I do not think it is a good idea for you to go back to your room, tonight. You can sleep here, with us."

'No way!' Baimei mentally exclaimed, reeling at the total lack of virtue that option offered. She kept those thoughts to herself, however, and replied, "I'd rather sleep with Ranma." Too late, she realized her error. Her father just closed his eyes and shook his head while her mother's eyes widened alarmingly. "I mean, Ranma has extra room in her room."

Nikorin's eyes narrowed, suddenly. "She has an extra bed?"

Caught, Baimei turned to ask Ranma but the little redhead was staring down, red faced and fidgeting with her toes in the carpet, hands clasped behind her back. Steeling herself, she turned back to confront her parents. "You don't have room-"

"Your grandmother does," Nikorin suggested, still with those skeptical eyes. Her grandmother was currently her grandfather. He spared a nod toward her and returned to scowling out the window at the city night.

"Grandma's-" old, she almost replied before catching herself. Her mother's eyebrows went up in expectation of an interesting point of argument. Her father moved to join her grandfather at the window and claimed a chair the table in front of it. A partial bottle of Suntori whisky sat invitingly with him. Baimei eyed it distractedly while trying to reword her sentence. "-busy. It's not like we were going to… you know. You're right. It's late and we need to sleep. I'm _really_ tired and Ranma-chan probably is, too. She had a _lot_ of exercise today." As soon as she said that, Baimei knew she'd spoken a little too much and decided to just shut up.

"Dear, why don't you join me for a drink – just to calm your nerves," Baijo said from the table, reaching for a tumbler. Her grandfather stood in his nightgown, still staring out the window with his hands clenched behind his back.

"Yeah, Mom, you could probably use one. I could use one, too," Baimei blurted out.

As statuesque a figure as her mother was, she still looked small and broken with her head bowed to rub her temples between a thumb and index finger. Baimei decided that was her cue to leave. "C'mon, Ranma," she said to her tomato-complexioned fiancée and slipped an arm around her waist. It was only there for the moment it took to turn her around, unfortunately. Baimei opened the door for her and followed Ranma across and down the hall toward the redhead's room.

"Ah, my stuff!" Baimei exclaimed. "I'll be right back," she said to Ranma and went back a few paces toward her own room pulling the key out from her fuzzy bathrobe's pocket. Working the lock, she wondered at the western-world convenience of a thick, cotton bathrobe with pockets and how it complimented the old mechanical lock on the door. 'It's nice to have such a handy pocket,' she considered in comparison to a yukata. 'And the brass key is hard to lose with this big tag on it.' It was also the old-style lock that probably helped the intruder get inside in the first place.

Carefully pushing down on the lever serving as a door knob, she opened it to a lit room. 'At least I can see this time.' The room felt different from when she'd hid there while Ranma dumped the intruder's body but Baimai knew it was just her imagination. She crept inside listening and watching for anything out of the ordinary but all she found, to her great relief, was an ordinary room. Her bed was stripped of its sheets, the bedspread laying wild on the floor at its foot. Her luggage was just where they'd been before heading down to the pool but it occurred to her the hulking intruder had, no doubt, been through it all.

With extreme caution, she approached her large suitcase, halted and went back to the small closet by the bed for a hanger. A stack of fresh sheets slumped on the dresser buried inside marked where Ranma dumped her gift from the intruder's accomplice. Returning to the suitcase, she stared warily at it. 'What if he did something horrible to it?' she wondered. The rectangular bag was still unzipped. She remembered leaving it that way before she and Ranma went down to the pool. Stretching out one end of the coat hanger, she closed one eye and slowly lifted the top.

Inside, were her clothes but that didn't mean nothing had been done to them. Again, using the hangar, she slowly poked around inside and spotted a strip of condoms. Those, she grabbed without thinking. Then, her brain caught up to her actions. "Damn it! What if they were booby-trapped?" She cursed her impetuousness and reluctantly decided to abandon the idea until after the police, or someone, could check it to make sure it was safe. That also meant nothing else in the room was safe.

Baimei carefully flipped the lid back closed with the hangar, which she dropped on top the bag, and backed her way toward the door. At the bathroom door, she peered inside but saw nothing that wasn't there, before. That didn't mean, however, the assailant hadn't gone through it. In the end, she simply left it alone and exited her room taking a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. There was evidence in there, somewhere. All of the detectives on television found tiny, but significant, bits of evidence and used it to trace the criminal. She would not disturb it any further.

She did stop, though, between hers and Ranma's room to hold the condom strip up to the ceiling light. 'I don't _see_ anything wrong,' she thought, looking for evidence of sabotage in her prophylactics. That was how Ranma found her when the smaller girl poked her head out of her room.

"What's taking you so long?" Ranma asked, and then gaped, eyes directed at the short string of square plastic wrappers. Baimei quickly tried to hide them behind her back and formulate an explanation when a door opened in the hall behind. Still working on a story, she was again distracted by her father passing with an ice bucket.

"I thought you were too tired," he commented on his way to the ice machine in the alcove across from the lifts shuffling along in slippers and a robe, himself.

"I – I didn't want to disturb the evidence," she hurriedly explained, shoving the string of rubbers into her robe's pocket. Ranma stared, open-mouthed, at that pocket, now. This was not good, or maybe it was. In either case, Baimei felt quite humiliated enough for the evening and finished her short trek to her fiancée's room. Ranma stood to the side and let go of the door. _"That_ was embarrassing," Baimei mumbled, heart hammering and thoroughly chagrinned but there was something else, a safer topic, she needed to bring up.

"Ranma, can I, ah, borrow some of your clothes?" she was forced to ask. "I was worried about touching my stuff. Who _knows_ how long that guy was in my room _or_ what he was doing to my luggage."

Her fiancée looked up and blinked. "I don't think they'll fit."

"I mean your guy clothes. I need a pair of boxers and a tank, or something… if you have it, just to sleep in."

Eyes widening in understanding, Ranma smiled. "I know _'xactly_ what you mean," she answered.

Baimei nervously gazed on as Ranma-chan pulled a dingy backpack from the closet and opened the top flap. From inside, she extracted a set of men's boxers. They were a deep iridescent blue. Then she sifted through the pack and produced a black tank top. "Is this okay?" she asked.

Holding them up to check out the size, Baimei agreed. "These will work. Thanks, Ranma!" That hot little package of a fiancée grinned proudly and began to fish around for her own set of night clothes. "Would you like to change first?" Baimei asked.

"Go ahead, I can wait," Ranma replied, so Baimei slipped into the bathroom. She stopped herself from closing the door all the way. They were engaged, after all, and shouldn't mind changing in front of each other but old habits die hard. When she came out of the bathroom having left the fuzzy robe hanging on the inside of the door along with her swimsuit, she found Ranma already in a pair of green boxers and a red tank top very much like the set she'd loaned Baimei.

"Aren't you going to change?" Baimei asked. She was a little curious as to why Ranma was still a girl but wasn't about to complain if her fiancée felt like staying in her super-sexy form all night.

Ranma froze and blinked a few times. It made her look cute. "You don't mind?" she asked.

A little confused herself, Baimei asked, "Why should I?" She still felt stressed by the attack and Ranma looked as hot as ever. Impetuously, she smirked and closed the distance between them. "Of course, you don't _have_ to change. We could go to bed like this," she intimated and let her own change wash over her. It was cute the way Ranma's eyes widened as he smirked down at her. Baimei's hands moved to cup his fiancée's cheeks tilting the girl's head back. He leaned a bit so their lips could meet and kissed her lightly at first. She did not return his passion but he persisted until well after she relaxed into his arms and began to give as good as she got.

Baimei and Ranma reluctantly parted after a brief taste of eternity. He didn't have the energy to actually _do_ it with Ranma and the real point was to get his fiancée comfortable with her immature form. He shifted back to his birth gender. "Well," she prompted softly, smaller arms still around the little redhead, "you want to try kissing like this, too?" Baimei backed up her words with another long exchange of tongue. Ranma's chest was heaving distractingly and she could feel the smaller girl's strong hands splayed across her back.

They finally broke for air and she asked Ranma, again, "Aren't you going to change? I don't mind. You saw my parents and brothers. They don't stay in their mature form _all_ the time. When we sleep, it's usually like this." She indicated her current gender to clarify.

Ranma took a ragged breath and nodded, breaking their embrace. "I'll… be right back," she answered and strode into the bathroom. Baimei heard the faucet run for several seconds, no doubt to let the water warm up from tepid to hot. She thought about how to explain the fact that all of her family did just as they were doing. It was _normal_ to sleep in their immature forms, except for women near the end of their cycle. She counted herself lucky she didn't have that problem. A few more seconds passed and the water stopped. Ranma returned from the bathroom male and filling out his muscle tee better than Baimei thought she ever would, not that Ranma-_chan_ didn't fill it out nicely, too.

He stood, more timidly than she would have expected, waiting for her approval. "Ranma," she said with every gram of warmth she had, "I _still_ love you." She closed the meter or so of distance and wrapped her arms back around him. The kiss this time was different because she no longer had a burning need to procreate but it still worked. Ranma seemed to get more into it than when they were both girls and that was just fine by her.

Gently pushing him away enough to look him in the eyes, she asked, "Which side do you want, the inside, or the outside. It's your room."

"Eh… I don't really care. I can sleep inside, I guess, unless _you_ want it," Ranma answered.

Like her own room next door, the bed had its headboard, complete with ancient, crappy radio up against the outside wall. From where they stood, the small round table and two chairs were under the window on the right side of the room and the bed was next to it on the left. The left side of the bed was maybe half a meter from the wall to Baimei's room. The rooms were actually quite narrow. They were broken into three areas. In front by the entry was a small sitting area with a TV, loveseat, small oval coffee table and upholstered chair. Beyond that was a hall leading toward the bed, window and second, smaller table, this one round and tall enough to be useful as a desk. Most of the area between the front and back was dedicated to a small bathroom. It had a raised floor for the plumbing underneath. The deep bath tub could also be used as a shower and probably often was. There was no room inside to wash _before_ getting into the bath so people had to take a shower and _then_ take a bath unless you were a foreigner and did whatever. The sink and counter were small but at least the stool had a proper bidet, wedged unsanitarily between bath and counter as it was. The closet was on the wall between the bath and bed. Inside, she knew another small television was sitting on a small dresser so people could watch while in bed. The room was both modern and retro at the same time, odd in that the rooms were identical rather than in pairs of mirror opposites. However, for all its age, it provided the customer with a wealth of space and amenities in comparison to more efficient modern designs.

Baimei decided to take the outside despite her misgivings about sleeping closer to the window and aisle leading to the room's entrance after tonight's unexpected assault. 'I have to show Ranma I'm a man who can take care of her,' she thought, gathering her courage. "I'll take the outside, then," she told him, sounding more confident than she felt. Ranma shrugged and pulled the covers out from under the pillows. Baimei climbed in after him. Together, they laid face-up, not quite touching.

"Can you, um, turn off the lights?" Ranma asked.

"Hm? Oh, yeah." She got back out of bed and hit the switch in the hall on the opposite wall from the bathroom and returned to draw the window's heavy curtain closed and crawl under the sheets. She stared at the formless dark of the ceiling while her mind replayed the momentous day. They met less than twelve hours ago and were off to a wonderful start. Ranma-chan was full of amazing stories and had no qualms about being shorter no matter what genders they were. Despite an awkward supper when they switched genders into their immature forms, things _really_ got exciting after that.

"Ranma," she started.

"Hnn?" he answered.

"I feel like the luckiest person alive." She waited for Ranma's answer, hoping he would agree, but heard only soft breathing. She rolled right to face him and found Ranma fast asleep already. "I love you," she said and rolled further to wrap her left arm across his lean and muscular chest. Baimei leaned in to give him a kiss goodnight before letting her head sink into the pillow next to his. She snuggled in, working her left leg over his and closed her eyes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Hello," Saotome Genma said after answering the telephone's annoying ringing and began blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"Saotome-san, it seems my daughter had an intruder in her room this evening when we returned from the pool. Your daughter took care of the problem very nicely but I _would_ like you and your wife to join us over here to talk about it. We _are_ grateful but felt you should be informed immediately," he heard Shimeru Baijo say.

He blinked the sleep from his eyes and stole a glance over toward Nodoka. She was awake. The clock in the headboard behind said it was almost midnight. He groaned, mentally. "Just a minute," he said, covering the mouthpiece with his hand. "Mother, there was some trouble with an intruder in the Shimeru boy's room. Ranma-chan fixed the problem, sounds like, but her parents would like to talk to us."

Nodoka nodded. "I'll need a few minutes, Father," she answered and covered a yawn with her hand.

"We'll be there in a little bit. We need a few minutes," he told Baijo and set the handset back in its cradle. He unashamedly yawned, too. She started it, after all. "I'll just be a minute in the bathroom, Mother," he told Nodoka, knowing she'd be in there a while. He sat up and hunted around on top the headboard for his glasses. He thought of the "intruder" his "daughter" had taken care of. 'What the heck?'

Nodoka crawled out of bed behind him and went to the closet as he stumbled into the bathroom. Their romantic interlude had just ended and he had been fast asleep. After admitting during supper the little mistake he made with teaching Ranma the nekoken, his wife was furious but his head was still attached to his neck. Ranma's taking another iinazuke, this one a young man, sort of, was huge. It went a long way, and then some, toward making up for minor errors in the past. He could tell Nodoka was impressed by the Shimeru family. They had loads of money to make sure Ranma would be well taken care of. They were also a cultured family of professionals and even had a doctor. He knew his wife was more impressed with them than she was with the Tendo girls. She never did appreciate the importance of joining the schools, not that she would argue. Nodoka wanted a happy son who was well off and provided lots of grandchildren. A happy, _wealthy_ daughter and lots of grandchildren was one better. 'Maybe two better,' he thought, giving himself a shake before he flushed. 'Ran_ko_ is in for some serious mother-daughter training.'

There was no denying Nodoka's fondest dreams were coming true, one iinazuke or another. That was probably why she insisted they call each other mother and father like normal, average married folk with children. The Shimeru didn't do that. Of course, their family was damned confusing. He washed his hands and face as his wife entered with a load of clothing that wouldn't fit in the tiny bathroom; not unless he was out of it.

"I brought you a change of clothes, Father," she announced. "What do you suppose they need to talk to us about?" she asked somewhat timorously.

He was not exactly sure, either, and cleared the sleep out of his throat before answering with, "I dunno." Genma thought about it a little more, scratching his chin and looking at their reflection in the mirror. "Well, most families don't have top-class martial artists so they might find being jumped in their room by a new, or recently defeated, rival kind of unusual."

Nodoka slowed in pulling her nightgown over her head. "Oh. That's right," she said through the light blue fabric. He stared breathlessly at her reflection as she resumed shucking that article of clothing. Once her head was free, their eyes met in the mirror. She smiled. Nineteen years melted away and that same smile that flipped him harder and further than his master's pipe. It almost stopped his heart. "There _was_ that time that Gokigenyou-san surprised us in Yoyogi park."

Genma frowned at the memory. "Crazy son of a priest," he muttered. Gouken was obsessed with being the strongest fighter to walk the earth, probably because his father was obsessed with being the most pious, pacifistic priest. That caste was always weird in the most unusual ways. 'If I never see Cherry again, it will be too soon – _way_ too soon.'

"Saotome! I sense your great- Oh. Sus_pend_ your copulation and… and come-over-here-and-fight-with-me!" Nodoka tried to mimic Gouken's imperious baritone and ended up giggling. "And then you glared at him and said, 'Later.' From then on, he'd always leave a challenge letter with me if he couldn't find you."

His frown twisted up into a wry smile. He took his dougi and underwear from the pile his wife brought shaking his head at all of the unusual, if not abnormal, people in his profession. 'At least _we're_ normal… except for the cures, of course.' Gouken, he remembered, _wanted_ to train under the Master but his priestly ways and background gave the old pervert hives – hives that required extra panties to cure. It was not a fun time for any of them, Soun and Genma most of all.

He changed and sat down in a chair by the window, waiting for Nodoka as he stared out into the neon night still thinking of the past. 'After that first meeting, she always greeted him saying, 'Gokigenyou,' whenever he stopped by our apartment. I wonder if he ever figured out she was making fun of him,' Genma mused. Other past encounters with priests continued to surface while he waited. A particularly embarrassing one had to do with a middle-aged man and his son at a little temple in Minato dedicated to the fire spirits. He'd been run out of _that_ temple for claiming he could talk to the great fire himself using only a cigarette lighter a day after eating a whole sack of pork-buns. 'Ah, the foolishness of youth.'

Nodoka stepped out of the bathroom wearing an almost iridescent green yukata sprinkled with yellow butterflies and a simple blue obi tied in a drum-style bow. It looked hastily put together, not just because it _was_ thrown on quickly, but because that was the look his wife was going for. He knew better than to ask, not that he minded. The Shimeru had called them out of bed for an emergency meeting with few details and no dress code. A dougi and a casually-worn yukata were appropriate. She re-checked the tie for her short ponytail while he got the door for them and confirmed he had his room key safely stored away.

She knocked on the Shimeru's door and they were admitted without delay. "Saotome-san, please come in," Shimeru Nikorin said. Nikorin was in her female form and, while casually dressed, too, was very formal in demeanor. Genma followed his wife as they were ushered inside. The room was rather cramped with Nikorin, Baijo and Baiko, the latter two in male form, already in attendance. Nodoka was shown to the loveseat and he sat beside her while the others sat on the single lounge chair and two other chairs pulled from the table by the window.

Baijo started the conversation. "Saotome-san, please accept my deepest thanks on behalf of my family. After we returned from the pool, your daughter discovered an intruder in my son's room and quickly dealt with him." To Genma's surprise, the man and his family stood and gave full bows.

He and Nodoka quickly returned the courtesy. "The pleasure is all ours, Shimeru-san," his wife said.

"It is only a martial artist's duty. Think nothing of it," he added. That was not exactly true but it was close. Ranma's duty is to become a great fighter, protect and teach the next generation, and _have_ lots of the next generation but there was plenty of room for interpretation in his master's school.

The Shimeru family returned to their seats and the conversation became blessedly less formal. Nikorin explained, "A man wearing black was waiting in the dark within Baimei's room. Your daughter apparently sensed, and quickly incapacitated, him before he could carry out his plan. We believe his intent was to kidnap our son and was not working alone. An accomplice was disguised as one of the hotel's staff; a maid. The plan was probably to hide Baimei inside the maid's cart until they could escape the hotel. The front desk said no one was supposed to be servicing rooms at the time and called just a few minutes ago to confirm that one of the carts was missing. Cameras recorded someone in coveralls with a baseball cap obscuring the face pushing the cart up a ramp into the back of an unmarked white truck before driving away."

"What did Ranma do with him?" Genma asked of the intruder.

Baijo smiled thinly and replied, "She dumped the intruder into the cart. Our daughter helped cover him with sheets from her bed."

Nikorin went on to add, "It _is_ possible, that the accomplice did not know she was escaping with the wrong person."

Baiko, aged pate covered with short graying hair because he wore no wig as a man, entered the conversation with an authoritative air. "This is a family-owned and operated hotel. The attempt upon my grandson shamed them." The older man looked down into the tumbler of melting ice and whiskey. "The police have been called – _our_ police. A Shimeru detective and several Shimeru patrolmen will search Baimei's room for clues. The hotel will step up surveillance of all of the staff and guests so please do not take offense if you notice them. My family is _not_ the wealthiest or most powerful within the Shimeru clan but a kidnapping is the worst possible offense given our unique biology. The clan head was informed a few minutes ago. His answer was expected but was still startling in its brevity. The kidnappers and whoever, if anyone, is behind them must be tracked down and punished without delay."

Genma's immediate reaction to the explanation was, 'Hmm, these guys are serious.'

"Is everyone all right?" Nodoka asked.

"Everyone is fine," Nikorin replied with a relieved smile. "Baimei is staying in Ranma-chan's room tonight."

"Oh, my!" Nodoka gasped, eyes widening, "That _is_ good news." Genma knew what she meant even if the statement was somewhat ambiguous.

"You might as well go get some rest," Baijo said. "It shouldn't be too much longer before our kids are well protected."

"I suppose protection _is_ prudent," Nodoka reluctantly allowed, deep in thought. "They aren't married, yet."

Genma winced and added, "Don't worry. I taught Ranma how to defend himself from people trying to attack him in his sleep."

He was just thinking about getting back to bed, or, maybe, taking a long hot soak with Nodoka, when the room's telephone rang. Nikorin nodded to the group and went to answer it. His wife slipped her hand into his and they shared a loving gaze that said, "Your cooking is great and so is the sex," on one side and, "3 grandbabies!" on the other.

"Hello," he heard Nikorin answer followed by a pause. "Who _is_ this?" Nikorin demanded, sounding both suspicious and irritated. Genma felt it was well past time to leave hearing that tone of voice. "You have my son?" The tall woman's eyes shot to her husband and she pantomimed writing with her free hand while holding the phone and he rose to quickly fetch the hotel pen and pad from the small table under the window. Nodoka, however, was curious so he resigned himself to waiting. "Twenty billion yen!" she exclaimed. "Of course. Yes, of course. My husband? He's right here. Dear, there's a kidnapper on the phone who says he has our son. He wants to talk to you! I need to go see if Baimei is in his room!" she said in a panicked voice with a wink to her husband.

Baiko was on his feet and held the door for Nikorin, following her out. Genma got up from the love seat, still holding Nodoka's hand, and motioned to her for silence. On the telephone, Baijo was talking gruffly. "Who are you? Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in for even _suggesting_ you've kidnapped my son?" Genma now had an inkling of what the Shimeru were doing. He looked over at the window but his and Ranma's rooms were on the opposite side of the building. It would be a real pain to get there that way.

An insistent pounding on a door preceded the Shimeru mother's frantic call. "Baimei-kun! Baimei-kun! Are you in there? Please tell me you're okay!"

Genma led Nodoka to the closet area around behind the bathroom snitching a couple of large towels on the way. "No giggling, all right? I need to go warn the kids that their parents are just acting." He held a towel out to her. "Laugh into this if you have to." Then, he gave her a quick kiss and moved to the window, ignoring Baijo's unspoken question while the other man continued to argue and threaten the kidnapper.

The window didn't slide easily but he got it open far enough to use a not-specifically-sealed technique to remove the screen without damaging it. Easing through sideways, he crouched out on the sill using his fingers to hold to the upper window frame. 'If I remember right, two of his kids are next door this way.' The opposite of heavy chi was light chi. He only hoped his son would figure that part out before Genma got too old to pound the boy for being stupid. Of course, it was nice being smarter and wiser. 'Ranma's lucky I'm not an idiot like my old man.' He crept sideways, carefully holding one small ledge with his fingers and another with his toes, the towel was around his neck for the moment. 'A balcony would be nice about now.'

When he got to the next window it was dark in the room and he realized he didn't have a sign made up explaining the situation. "Doh!" Instead, he rapped his knuckles on the window. Luckily, the noise the kids' mother and grandfather made in the hall had them already getting out of bed. Fumori turned the lamp by the bed on. Genma figured it lit him up nicely as he crouched outside the window. It certainly lit the surprise on her face. Genma rapped on the window again and motioned for her to open it.

She did, to Genma's own surprise. Usually, people threw stuff at him. "What's going on?" she asked.

"The kidnappers called your parents with ransom demands. They think they have your brother," he explained, hanging on by fingers and toes. "Call Ranma's room and warn her that this is just an act and to lay low. Baimei will probably answer so tell her to kick Ranma's ass awake, too. Throw her out the window if she doesn't wake up or douse him with water. Do something - that lazy brat."

Fumori gaped at him so he left her to her stupor and moved on to the next window. It was already brightly lit and Baisuke was hastily pulling his boxers up. He tapped furiously on the window attracting both Baisuke and Nibun's attention then motioned for them to open it. Baisuke glanced at the door, then back and ran to the window. "Uncle Saotome?"

Genma wasted no time filling the two of them in on the ruse. Baisuke grinned, mischievously, unfortunately reminding him of Ranma. He headed toward the door with Nibun in tow but turned around at the last minute and asked, "Are mom and dad in their adult forms? Is Baijo a man?"

He caught their drift and nodded. "Yes," he said before making his way back by finger and toe-holds across the glass and concrete façade toward the previous room. "Baijo is a man and Nikorin is a woman," he said but saw immediately Baito was female and Fumori was male and nearly done swapping night clothes. Fumori was on the telephone already pulling on his wife's boxers. That was good; confusing but good.

Returning to the Shimeru parents' room, he slipped back inside and restored the screen. "Warned your other kids," he mouthed to Baijo, who was still on the phone. The man nodded and mouthed his thanks back. To Nodoka, he whispered, "Let's go pretend we were just coming up from the lobby." The only problem with the plan was the sound of a key entering the lock. He leapt over the bed to join his wife out of sight by the closet.

"There, there, I'm sure your son will be all right," Genma heard a new voice say as the door opened to admit several people.

"It's my fault for letting him out of my sight," Nikorin's voice timorously returned. She sounded tense and Genma wondered why they bothered bringing a stranger in on the game they played with the incompetent kidnappers. Perhaps it was a police officer.

Baiko's strong but aged voice cut in saying, "I have already called the police. They won't get far."

"Have they threatened your grandson?" the new voice asked.

"I don't know," Baiko answered. "My son is talking with them now. Thank you for your concern, by the way, but this is a family matter. I'm sure you understand."

"Ah, yes, I quite understand. I have often worried about the same thing happening to me. Have they made any demands?"

"Twenty billion yen!" Nikorin exclaimed, earning warning glance from her husband.

"Oh, my, that _is_ quite a lot. Even _I_ would normally have trouble arranging for that much ransom," the stranger said. Genma took an immediate dislike for the newcomer who made that much money sound like a tiresome nuisance.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma woke slowly. He felt terrible, like he hadn't gotten enough sleep. He could tell the light was on in the room through his eyelids and could hear someone calling his name insistently. A pair of hands rocked him back and forth while the voice continued calling. It felt nice so he went back to sleep.

"Gah!" she screamed at the cold water running off her chest and up her nose. She rubbed her face dry on the cover sheet and opened her eyes to see Baimei's anxious face. Her newest fiancée held an empty but wet glass in her left hand. '_So_ not fair,' she decided of her first morning with Baimei. Her attitude changed quickly, though, after Baimei explained the situation.

"Man, those kidnappers suck!" she exclaimed, earning a rueful grin from Baimei.

"I'm sorry, Ranma, but Fumori told me your dad said to use water if you wouldn't wake up. I'm supposed to stay hidden here until everything settled down."

Sitting up, still blinking, she asked, "Why?"

"Big brother said the kidnappers called to ask for a ransom," Baimei answered. Ranma looked up at her and cocked an eyebrow. Her tall fiancée explained, "They must not have checked who was in the laundry basket so someone thinks they have me."

'Sort of reminds me of Mousse,' Ranma thought. At least Mouse could claim vanity _and_ far-sightedness for making a mistake like that. It was then she belatedly noticed the noise in the hall. "What's going on?" she asked, wondering if the kidnappers were back.

"I'm not really sure," Baimei answered, chewing on her lip. "Mom's been crying about how I've been kidnapped and even searched my room next door. She was pretty loud."

Very reluctantly, Ranma got out of bed. She crept up the hall toward the door and stood on her toes to peer out the peephole. It showed a couple of heavily distorted forms far off to the side toward Baimei's room so she wasn't able to see what was going on. Moving to the side and settling to her heels, she turned her head and listened, extending her senses around the area while Baimei took a turn to look outside.

The strident tones from the hall became much clearer with her ear to the door. "-ey would _dare_ kidnap my son!" she heard Nikorin's muted exclamation.

"You should wait until the police arrive, Shimeru-san," she heard a new male voice chide.

"You are right, of course. I fear I am too distraught to think clearly," Nikorin said despondently.

"Mom's faking," Baimei whispered in surprise. "It's an act for that guy!"

A light tapping was heard on their window and they both turned to stare at the curtains. The tapping became more emphatic. Curious, Ranma approached and pulled back one side of the drapes behind the table to find her father hanging outside. "Pop? What'cha doing?" He motioned for her to open it.

"Boy! You have to hide Baimei-chan," her father declared. "Her parents are trying to outmaneuver their opponents by pretending she was captured."

"Why?" Ranma asked. 'Why not just laugh in their faces about how incompetent they are?'

Her father took a hand from the ledge over the window sill and scratched his chin. In a wise and contemplative voice, he answered, "I don't know." Ranma reached out to close the window when her father added. "It would be easier to just ignore them and get back to sleep." Her hand halted and she nodded. It _was_ a good idea.

Baimei, having joined them at the window, offered an explanation. "Maybe Mom and Dad are trying to find out who they are and catch them." Ranma and her father considered it, each privately weighing the idea's merits against sleep. Her father came to a decision first.

"Boy, if you want to marry into their family, you're going to have to learn to enjoy the same games. I had hoped to teach you shoji but this is fine, too." Ranma was about to take exception but her father disappeared off to the side toward her parents' room.

"Family game?" Baimei asked in shock.

Ranma shrugged. It _did_ feel that way. She was just glad she didn't have to play shoji with Akane the way their fathers played. That sent a shiver up her spine. She took too long daydreaming about the horrors of middle-age and found her father back at the window with some cloth hung over one shoulder. He expertly popped the screen out from the window by some mechanism she did not see. It was probably related to a secret technique because the screen _should_ have only been able to go _into_ the room.

"Here," he said, jerking his chin toward the cloth over his shoulder, "take it. You're supposed to be Baimei's future wife so you need to act extra girly. Don't forget to cry, or something. Your fiancé has been kidnapped. I'm going back for your mother. Stay out of trouble and follow their lead like a good girl, boy." Ranma took the cloth and held it out to see that it was a white nightgown with tiny blue flowers sewn into lace around the collar and sleeves. She grimaced back at her old man in wordless distaste. "It's your mother's. Take care of it and wear it proudly, boy."

"Looks cute," Baimei commented.

Ranma turned back to the window to object but her father had replaced the screen by some miracle and disappeared, again. Sighing, she closed the window and was doing the same for the drapes when someone knocked on the door. The knock was followed by Nikorin's voice. "Ranma-chan, Saotome Ranma-chan, I… I have something I must tell you. Could you please let me in?"

Baimei frantically looked around. She glanced under the bed and at the narrow isle on the other side by the wall before darting for the closet. Ranma couldn't blame her. Who knew when those areas had last seen a vacuum cleaner or _what_ strange object might have fallen down there from the bed.

"Shimeru-sama?" she called back. "I'll be right there. What's going on?" she asked as innocently as possible, which she thought was pretty darned good given her extensive experience in acting innocent. Then, she realized there was a nightgown in her hands. It went to the bed for a moment while she stripped her tank and boxers off, throwing them, and a raspberry, at the blushing Baimei standing in the open closet. Ranma donned the nightgown and made her way to the door, pulling her hair out from inside as she went. Pausing at the door, she rose to her toes once more to look through the peephole. There was Nikorin but she had others with her. Baisuke and Baito were flanking her and Ranma's ki sense said there were more down the hall.

This was going to be a challenge, acting like a scared little good-girl. Ranma put a hand on the door's lever and took a deep breath. A challenge was a challenge. She would not back down when one of her fiancé's family needed her. She leaned on the lever and slowly pulled the door open. "Nikorin-okaasama, what is going on?" she asked. "There is so much noise…" Ranma left it at that knowing too much talking gets her in trouble.

She was immediately enveloped in a hug from the statuesque woman with long curly blond tresses. "Ranma-chan, thank the kami you are safe. Tell me, have you seen my _son_, Baimei, since this afternoon?" she asked.

At the woman's right side, Baito mouthed, "No," while Baisuke screened her from a group of men down the hall, one of which she didn't recognize.

"No," Ranma returned in Nikorin's embrace, though her answer sounded more like a question.

"He's not here with you?" Nikorin asked.

"No," she said with more confidence. "What's wrong? Why are you asking?" she enquired feeling more comfortable in her role.

Baisuke put a hand on Ranma's shoulder. In a sad, gentle voice, she said, "Baimei has been captured by kidnappers. They just called to demand ransom."

Ranma reared back in Nikorin's arms to confirm the sad look. "Nooooooo!" Ranma cried out and buried her head in the older woman's shoulder. It helped hide the smirk she couldn't quite keep off her face.

It wouldn't work forever, or pass closer inspection, though. Ranma slipped out of Nikorin's arms and ran into the bathroom. 'Onion! Where's an onion when I _need_ one?' She saw the sink and immediately remembered the day Kyouya died and her lapse of composure in the school's bathroom. Flipping the faucet on, she let it run while her gaze darted around the counter. She settled on the nearly empty shampoo sample the hotel provided. That tiny bottle was just enough for one use in her hair but there was still a drizzle left inside.

Nikorin stood in the bathroom doorway pleading, "We'll pay the ransom. Whatever they want, Ranma-chan. Please believe me. I… I'm sure he'll be safe." This was while Ranma desperately shook a little shampoo out from the near-empty bottle onto her fingers.

Not giving it another thought, she shoved those fingers into her left eye, followed by her right. She was absolutely correct in thinking it would sting. 'I'd rather use an onion,' she thought, leaning on her counter with her elbows while her hands shook from the pain. 'Dumb idea!' Her eyes _did_ water, though. Nikorin moved in next to her while she washed the soap off her hands and tried washing it from her eyes. It only dulled the sting a little, which was fine… technically.

"There, there," Nikorin cooed, sniffling, herself, "we'll get Baimei back safe and sound. I promise."

Ranma accepted a dry washcloth to pat her face and eyes. She sniffled to test whether she could and was rewarded with a wet little sound. 'Perfect,' she thought as her eyes settled into a slow, painful burn. 'Now, if I could only cry like a girl.'

Nikorin guided her out of the bathroom. "I will leave Baito here with you for a few minutes, Ranma-chan, so you won't be alone. My husband and I must speak to your parents, next. Please do not hold this unfortunate accident against our family. I know you two have become attached and I promise we will get him back."

Ranma allowed herself to be transferred to Baito's arms out in the small sitting area by the door. She spared a glance at the doorway and saw two things that alarmed her. One was a man she hadn't seen before standing in the doorway. Baijo and grandfather Baiko were just inside wearing matching solemn looks on their faces. 'Who's _that_ guy?' she wondered as she peeked teary-eyed around the taller Baito's arm. Then, she noticed the second alarming thing. Her parents were trying to sneak by to get to their room right behind that weird guy and all he had to do was turn away from her scene to notice them.

In a moment of clarity, Ranma realized the show was for the unknown person with slick graying hair and a fancy suit with loosened tie. 'Cry, damn it! Cry like a girl,' she cursed herself. 'Think of… of what if Akane died?' She imagined Tendo Akane, a palm-sized doll with its eyes closed after her life ran out in the battle at Jusendo. 'Think of Baimei, if he really _was_ kidnapped and, maybe, killed.' Her heart ached with loss of both her most precious iinazuke. 'Th-think of Kyouya,' her mind whispered. 'He really _did_ die. He's gone forever and I never gave myself to him like I did for Baimei, like I'll prob'ly do for Akane.' Real pain at the betrayal of his memory stabbed her in the heart and hurt that much worse for knowing Kyouya would _want_ her to find happiness in the arms of another.

A wail ripped itself from her throat and she sobbed into Baito's shoulder as her heart rent anew over the death of her first boyfriend; the first to love her totally and unconditionally, the first to die for real, the first she'd failed to save. A moment later, the sound of a door being yanked open very close by preceded her mother shoving her way past the man in the doorway and rush to Baito's side. The Shimeru woman helped transfer Ranma to her mother.

For her part, Ranma had only to feed more memories of Kyouya into her bonfire of despair to continue the act. Her mother guided her to the loveseat and rocked her gently, holding her tightly. Ranma choked and swallowed her sobs before lifting her damp, red-mottled face to the gentleman backing out of the doorway. "You're going to get Baimei back, right; you are, right?" she begged through an emotion-constricted larynx.

"What is going on here? Why is my daughter crying?" Genma's gruff voice demanded from the hall.

"Stay here and see that their needs are met, whatever they may be," Nikorin said to her youngest daughter, Baito, who nodded while the others filed out. Baisuke came back from the bedroom area and offered two of the extra pillows, two thumbs up and a soft smile where no one outside could see. Fumori held the door to exit last.

With the sound of the door latching shut, Baimei appeared in the hall and swiftly moved to join them on the small couch built for two, already occupied by Ranma and her mother, Nodoka. "Ranma-chan, is this an act? If it is, it sure doesn't sound like it."

Ranma nodded, sniffling into the crook of her mother's neck and shoulder as she clung to the bright green yukata. "Yeah," she said in a hoarse whisper. She replayed some of her fondest memories of Asami Kyouya, love android. 'He tried to protect me even though he sucked at it, put sunscreen on me when the others just wanted to fight and promised to always love me even when I changed sex and I couldn't do _anything_ for him!' She sobbed loudly enough into her mother's yukata to be heard outside the room in case people lingered in the hall but soon she ran out of things to cry about. Kyouya had made her angry and happy, too. She remembered his goofy, yet absolute, love and relaxed into her mother's and Baimei's embraces.

"Yes, and please add some pastries and fruit, something chocolate, if anything is available. Yes. Yes, that will do. Has the detective shown up, yet?" Ranma heard Baito ask in the bedroom area down the hall. It sounded like she was on the telephone. "Five minutes? Thank you." A moment later, Baito emerged from the hall by the bath to join them in the sitting room. "I ordered a full tea service and a pot of coffee along with some snacks. The family man at the front desk said our police radioed them not long ago to say they were almost there. He thought it might be five minutes or less. They are going to want statements from everyone but remember to ask for their identification, their _Shimeru_ identification, but do it in private." She moved toward the door. "I suggest you three move to the back of the room behind the bath where no one can see that little brother isn't actually kidnapped. I need to tell our parents that the police will be here soon so they can meet with them without Takamatsu and the rest of Shaft Enterprises finding out."

Baimei sat up straight and Ranma pulled away from her mother to wonder what piqued her fiancée's interest. "Shaft Enterprises, isn't that one of Grandpa's customers?" Baimei asked.

Baito nodded. "One of the largest. It's an interesting coincidence Takamatsu is staying here this weekend, too."

"I don't know him," Baimei admitted.

"He's the Senior Vice President for the Automation Controls division," Baito explained. "They buy Grandpa's Intelligent Accelerometer Units."

Now, Ranma was less depressed than lost. "What's that stuff?"

Baimei took it upon herself to explain. "Grandpa and Dad's company is called Shimeru Fine Mechanics. They make a lot of sensor and motion control systems." Baito waved and let herself out of the room as Ranma and her mother returned the parting courtesy.

Baimei took their attention back with an added explanation. "Grandpa made most of his money in precision sensors but now his company is adding microcomputers with some simple software to spit out motion vectors real-time. Companies making industrial robots are looking at it because they don't have to measure position of every joint." Baimei sighed. "You don't get any of this, do you?" she asked.

Ranma shook her head emphatically. Her mother wore a pleasant smile. 'I'll have t' remember that,' Ranma decided. 'Being able to smile politely after having my head crammed with useless information might help save me from mallet-induced headaches. It might even help with school.'

"Anyway," Baimei went on, "it sounds like Mom and Dad and Grandpa are suspicious of this customer showing up, or may want to mislead him. I don't know."

Ranma let go of her mother so the two of them could give their full attention to the third person on the loveseat. Her mother asked, "Baimei-chan, is it not somewhat inconsiderate to play such a trick on a customer?"

"Hey, I said I don't know!" Baimei protested. "We'll probably find out later."

"Hope it ain't _too_ much later," Ranma said with a yawn.

"Cover your mouth when you yawn, Ranma-chan. It's impolite to show your molars like that," her mother chided.

"Sorry, momma," Ranma answered half-heartedly.

"Why don't you two go to bed? I'll stay up to take the room service and wake you when someone calls," her mother suggested. Ranma was all for that idea and stood sleepily from the loveseat. Baimei hesitated shooting a frightened glance to her mother but Ranma decided it was way past too late to be shy about that kind of thing and too late to be up at that hour. She took Baimei's hand in hers and drew the college student from the couch down the hall toward the bed where she let go and flopped down, face-first, with a groan… and immediately got back up again.

"Bathroom," she explained. It was always good to take care of business when you have the chance. Baimei followed her but Ranma closed the door between them. Washing her hands, she passed her fiancée waiting for her turn and slipped under the sheets. Ranma closed her eyes for the second time that night knowing they'd have to open one more miserable time. They still burned a bit, too. The last things she heard was her mother turning on the front-room television and the toilet flushing. Fortunately, the TV's sound seemed to be turned off. 'I wonder what's on after midnight?' she thought.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Genma would have liked to say he was impressed by his daughter's acting. The crying fit Ranma threw was heart-wrenching and provided an excellent diversion for Takamatsu, the mysterious interloper into their family affair. Genma was easily able to sneak Nodoka by and open their hotel room's door, although his wife wasted no time rushing to her daughter's side. It would have been an excellent ploy, _if_ it had _been_ a ploy. He sighed, resigned to having this rich stiff in a suit ignore his demand for an explanation and followed the Shimeru back to their room across and down the hall.

This was the second time in just under a week he'd heard that cry of anguish and had to give Ranma credit for being able to repeat it. Still, he hated that sound. He hated it the first time he heard it and the second time was no easier to bear. 'Do parents of girls hear that very often? Is it a girl-thing? My _boy_ never cried like that, except for when we left his mother but that was different. He was only five, then.'

Second to last to enter Baijo and Nikorin's room, he stood off to the side, crossed his arms and frowned, going for the inscrutable master look. Baisuke, in girl-form, followed him in and leaned against the door. Takamatsu-the-suit was shown to the single plush chair in the room and sat with his hosts, who took the loveseat. The old man, Baiko, took one of the desk chairs dragged over from table by the window.

"Less than half an hour ago, we received a call from an unknown man claiming he had kidnapped our son, Baimei," Baijo began. "It appears that is the case but we have no guarantees of his safety. The kidnappers would not let us talk to him."

"You have my most sincere condolences. I hope the police can catch this criminal," Takamatsu replied. Nikorin slipped her hand into her husband's and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Forgive me if I intrude but… Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think that's necessary," Baiko answered for his family, "or appropriate considering our business relationship, Takamatsu-sama."

"I understand, Shimeru-san," the gray-haired executive said. "Still, your daughter-in-law mentioned a substantial ransom." Several seconds passed in silence.

"I am sure we can negotiate with the-" Baiko returned but was cut off by a knock at the door.

Genma edged away toward the television in the corner to give Baisuke-chan room to open it. On the other side was a hotel clerk in a black uniform with shiny black shoes and an almost orange-haired mustachioed man in a cheap blue suit. 'Is he Irish, or is that Danish? I forget. Hmmm… Whatever,' Genma wondered. The hall outside held at least two more men and a woman, from what he could see.

"Please forgive the intrusion," the clerk said. "This is Detective Kahoru Futako to see Shimeru-sama and family."

The clerk's shiny gold plastic nametag described him as Manager and Genma let out an internal sigh of relief at not putting his foot in his mouth. 'He is young to have such impressive responsibilities; probably rich, too, lucky guy.'

"Thank you, Manager-san," the detective replied. "Could you show Officers Nitama and Hatake the empty room we discussed?" The hotel manager bowed to the group and exited, bowing low again. Addressing the room this time, the detective announced, "If you don't mind, I would like to begin taking statements from everyone." Genma wanted to object and say he _did_ mind the inconvenience but past experience told him the police didn't really want his opinion and there were the Shimeru to think about. "This is officer Nino Jiro-kun," he said and motioned the lone woman in standard NPA uniform holding a weathered black briefcase into the room. "Funny name, I know. Just like mine. She will be helping me interview while the rest of the team begins investigating the scene of the crime."

Funny names aside, Genma noticed she had jet black hair carefully pinned up under her hat and a pair of white gloves tucked into the belt above her skirt. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about her except for the man's name. She opened her briefcase and extracted a pen and tablet. Genma groaned inwardly. This was going to be a long night.

"Would everyone please stand in the hallway so we can begin the interviews? I promise to be quick," Detective Kahoru said. "First, who is the missing person?"

"That would be my son, Shimeru Baimei," Baijo answered as he stood with everyone else.

The detective nodded while Nino began making notes. "Could you remain behind and we can start the process."

Genma groaned, inwardly, again. This was going to take a while. He followed the group out into the hall where they lined up quietly under two more NPA officers' watchful eyes. Baijo remained in the room for quite a while and the group quickly became bored and restless, most opting to sit on the carpet against the wall and watch two of the officers enter Baimei's room, with the manager's help, carrying a bright blue nylon sports bag. When Baijo exited, Nikorin was called. Fortunately, she took half as long. Rather _un_fortunately, the hotel's room service came and delivered two large trays of sweets and a large tea set to Ranma's room. All he and everyone else could do was stare while his wife and Baito received it and shut the door behind. It was after one in the morning and he wasn't sleeping. Instead, he was starving on the floor.

And so it went. Baiko was next followed, surprisingly, by Takamatsu, though he wasn't family. The whole process was mind-bendingly boring and he finally took to standing on his head and meditating. The old man, Baiko, and Takamatsu struck up a quiet conversation while Baijo and Nikorin listened in and spoke on occasion. The discussion seemed to be about Takamatsu loaning the ransom money in exchange for securities of some kind to insure Baimei was released safely. The telephone never rang again with the kidnappers demanding ransom. 'Those idiots must have figured it out by now.' Genma was last and the questions were strangely easy.

"My name is Saotome Genma, father of Saotome Ranma," he said. "That's 'rice-picking-girl' as in 'fast maiden.' Given name is 'dark' and 'horse.' My son's given name is 'wild' and 'horse.'"

"Please give your relation to the missing person," Detective Kahoru requested.

"My son is engaged to- I mean, my daughter is engaged to Shimeru Baimei. I just messed up, didn't I?"

Detective Kahoru nodded with a serious expression on his face. Officer Nino smiled patiently. Genma reacted quickly. "Oh, no! A giant cockroach just crawled out of the television behind you!" he yelled, pointing behind them toward the innocent Braun tube. Both National Police Agency officers blinked but that was the extent of their reactions. He scratched his chin, thoughtfully, and narrowed his eyes at them. "I see," he drawled. "You are professionals of the highest caliber - very impressive."

Jiro rolled her eyes and Futako transformed into a woman, shrinking into her suit, before changing back into a man. "Could you please introduce us to the rest of your family? I think it's about time we interviewed your daughter and Baimei. _Please_ be careful not to mention Baimei and _please_ refer to young Ranma only as a girl for the time being."

"Of course! No problem!" With that, he stood and followed them into the hall. 'My boy is a girl. My boy is a girl,' he silently repeated to avoid making any further mistakes and took the lead to stop in front of his daughter's room.

Kahoru turned toward the line waiting on the floor. "You may all make yourselves comfortable in this room, now," he said, indicating Baijo and Nikorin's room. "I apologize for the inconvenience."

Genma knocked and Ranma's door and opened a moment later.

"Father?" Nodoka asked in a half-spoken question.

"Mother, how is Ranma-chan doing. Is our _daughter_ resting?" he asked.

He indicated the two behind saying, "The cops want to talk to her."

Nodoka smiled and bowed deeply to them, inviting the Shimeru police into the small hotel room. The television was on but the sound was off. It left the small sitting room in front aglow with flickering bluish-white light. Baito-chan stood from the one thickly padded chair and walked toward the bed in the back while the detective turned the lights on in the front.

The tea tray and trays of tasty morsels lay out on the low table in front of the loveseat beckoning to him. He knew how hard it would be to get Ranma out of bed, though, so he headed after Baito determined to drag Ranma out of bed, if necessary. Baimei woke with a groan when Baito shook her saying, "Wake up! It's time for school." The woman his son willingly accepted as an iinazuke was certainly a boyish-looking waif. In contrast, Ranma looked very much like her mother curled on her side to face Baimei, sleeping soundly under the sheets.

Baimei rolled toward Ranma and propped herself on an elbow. "Ranma-chan, wake up," she called softly and bent to steal a kiss. Of course, the boy wouldn't be woken by anything so subtle but then he spied the Shimeru girl's left arm snake under the sheets to caress his daughter's bottom.

"Ahem!" Baito loudly cleared her throat behind her hand and drew her younger sibling's attention. Genma uncomfortably shifted his glasses over having to intrude. The middle Shimeru youngster pointedly turned her attention his direction and he felt some small measure of satisfaction over the way Baimei sat up rigidly in bed, laughing nervously. His agile and highly trained mind quickly decided to deflect the topic of groping his daughter in her sleep toward something safer.

Genma crossed his arms as he approached the bed and tapped his chin, thoughtfully. "Ranma has been trained by some of the best masters in the world to defend himself subconsciously with a minimum of effort. Observe," he commanded. Approaching the bed via the narrow isle, Genma formed his right hand into a fist and punched, viciously, toward his daughter's head but, at the last fraction of a second, the girl merely rolled right from her side to sprawl upon her back, her small and deceptively innocent looking fists dragging the top sheet with her. Genma's fist hit only the pillow where her head had been a fraction of a second earlier.

"St'p'd ol' man," Ranma mumbled.

"You see?" Genma explained. "Years of training have resulted in a nearly undefeatable sleep-defense and don't let that drooly expression fool you." Pointing at his daughter's dainty fists balled in the sheet, each by their own shoulder, he added. "Notice how her hands are in a ready position. An unwary attacker will quickly find himself launched out of his tent with a black eye but that's not all. The sheet can be used as a weapon and, should the attacker somehow break _through_ Ranma's defense at the expense of his own, well," he said, putting his hands on his hips, "the boy will bring his knees into play for a crushing and decisive victory."

Baimei's eyes widened and her hands moved to protect her precious place. Too late, Genma realized his explanation might have provided slightly more information than necessary and frightened his prospective child-in-law. "Don't worry about it. Ranma rarely retaliates when attacked in his sleep. He's much too clingy for that. As long as you have no ill intent you won't trigger his sakkijutsu and you can just grab hold and toss him out the window."

"Toss him out the window?" Baito asked in disbelief looking over her shoulder at the window. "That seems… dangerous."

Adjusting his glasses to take a moment and think about it, he commented, "More so now that we don't share a tent but it's never been a problem at Tendo-ke. They have a pond I usually aim for. It _is_ somewhat shallow, though." Walking back around the bed, he joined Baito at the window and looked down. "Hmmmm… The pool is on the other side of the building."

Baimei lunged toward Ranma snaking her arms under the sheets, around the sleepy redhead and began shaking her vigorously. "Ranma-chan, Ranma-chan, wake up! Your dad's going to throw you out the window! Wake up!"

His daughter's eyes cracked open before Ranma sat up, slipped her arms around Baimei and groaned out, "Baimei-chan, what time is it?" Then, her eyelids drooped and her head soon followed to rest on Baimei's shoulder.

Genma shook his head with a sigh. 'Kids just don't listen to their elders these days,' he thought sadly.

"A magic marker would be great right about now," Baito quipped with a smirk.

Baimei clutched her fiancée and barked back at her sister. "Don't you dare, onee-chan!"

'Time to show these kids more of the _true_ genius of Indiscriminate Grappling,' Genma thought before turning to head back to the front of the room where he could see the detective and his assistant talking with his wife. "Hmm, such _delicious_ looking pastries the hotel sent up. They look so _good._ Don't worry, boy, I'll save one… for your _mother_."

"Pop! Don't eat them all!" Ranma yelled.

Genma smiled at the triumph of experience over youth. 'The path of a martial artist is a perilous one,' he intoned in his head. This time, it meant, 'Never make a threat you cannot make good on.' It was a valuable lesson regardless of which side you are on. 'Is that a pecan Danish?'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Struggling to hang onto Ranma, Baimei reluctantly let go of her squirming, half-asleep fiancée and followed her out of bed. 'That nightgown sure looks cute,' she thought with a smirk as Ranma, halfway up the path by the bathroom leading to the sitting area and entry, stopped in her tracks, just now noticing the policewoman and detective. The light ahead was outlining her and shining through the gown between her legs. There was nothing really to see but she leered and smirked, anyway. "Too hot," she murmured. She fixed the vision firmly in her memory and turned to get out of bed only to meet her sister's gaze. She was smirking, too, but at Baimei.

"Too hot?" Baito enquired, the smirk only growing. "Would you like me to open the window? I'll bet you wish the pool was on this side. Maybe a cold shower would help."

Baimei frowned, gulping nervously, and stood from her side of the bed. This was just another decision on the road to being an adult; one she was _not_ going to regret. Looking Baito in the eyes, she swallowed to moisten her mouth and made her stand. "She's my fiancée and I'm going to marry her. What we do is our business." There, she said it. Let the teasing begin.

Baito's smirk melted into a warm smile before taking Baimei into a hug. "You're right, little brother," she whispered into Baimei's ear. "That was something like what Dad would say," she added, pushing her to arm's length and looking more serious.

"I thought that would be more like Mom," Baimei replied, still out of sorts over the lack of teasing.

"No, Mom would say something like, 'Don't suck on your husband's fingers at the dinner table. It's lewd." Baimei stifled a snort with her hand. That incident between Baito and Fumori over New Year's seemed a lot funnier now than it did at the time. "Who are you thinking of _this_ time?" Baito asked in a teasing voice.

"Ah, n-none of your business," Baimei answered and turned toward the closet. Her sister's question conjured some fairly graphic images of a redhead. Facing the end of the bed was the large, shallow closet containing a dresser, television, backpack and beautiful furisode set Ranma had first worn to the omiai. 'I can't wear that,' she thought. 'It's Ranma-chan's. What am I going to wear? I can't just walk out there in boxers and a tank top.'

She turned to see if Baito had any ideas but her sister was already gone. Sneaking a peek around the corner of the closet, she saw Ranma exiting the bathroom in one of the fluffy hotel robes. "Psst! Ranma," she called. Her fiancée turned and blinked. Baimei motioned for her to approach and, when Ranma got closer, she asked, "Hey, can I borrow something more?" Motioning to her current attire, she added, "This doesn't seem like enough. It'll only be until they leave. Please?"

Ranma hesitated and a wince flickered and was gone. "Okay. I only brought one set," she said kneeling by her pack in the closet. "I kind o' expected to go home wearin' these tomorrow but that's okay. You guys have given us lots of stuff." Baimei saw Ranma withdraw two folded articles, one teal and one black. The rest of the time she spent examining the base of her fiancée's hourglass figure. Having chosen something for Baimei to wear, Ranma zipped her pack back up and leaned it against the dresser in the closet before gathering the articles. She turned and stood in one fluid motion presenting them with an expectant smile as if she were already the perfect wife. Baimei's heart raced but he controlled the change.

"Thank you, Ranma," Baimei returned with her own smile. She slipped the black bundle under one arm to use both hands unfolding the teal bundle. It was a Chinese-style shirt with a round collar and made of shimmering silk. "Very nice. This is one of your favorites, isn't it?" Ranma gave a half-nod and dropped her eyes.

"I-I'd better go see- make sure Pop doesn't eat everything," she said.

Before Ranma could get away, Baimei pulled her in for a brief kiss. "Thank you, Ranma. I'll make it up to you. I promise." She had the good fortune to see the little redhead's blush deepen before Ranma tightened her robe and disappeared around the corner toward the front of the hotel room.

Amazingly, the shirt and black draw-string slacks with matching teal ankle ties fit her well enough. Of course, they would be undersized for her male form. Baimei shrugged. Even if they were too short for her male body, they had enough slack to at least accommodate the change. The black undershirt and royal blue boxers made an interesting compliment to the outer clothes and Baimei realized this was probably Ranma's best set of everyday clothes. "I'll _definitely_ make it up to her," she whispered to herself. 'I _know_ they're pretty poor. I'll bet they brought only their best and most expensive clothes,' she correctly guessed.

She gave herself a last check before stepping out around the closet into the short hall by the bathroom. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she said, approaching the police. The room's other inhabitants turned their attention toward her and she bowed, introducing herself. "My name is Shimeru Baimei, Tokyo Daigaku student, twenty years old."

"Kahoru Futako, Detective, NPD," the man wearing the casual suit said, bowing to introduce himself. He nodded toward his partner.

"Nino Jiro, NPD," the brunette with the notepad introduced herself. Everyone else in the room probably had already introduced themselves. Her sister stood by the television smiling as if ready to serve refreshments. Baimei knew Baito was on guard. Ranma sat crammed between her parents on the loveseat, a cup of tea cradled in her hands, a chocolate smear at the corner of her mouth and a plate of sparse crumbs with a fork on her lap.

Baimei hesitated a moment, then asked, "May we see your identification, please?" The two public servants reached for their suit pockets. "Your clan identification, please."

Ranma-chan smacked her forehead. "_Knew_ I forgot something," she muttered keeping a close eye on the hot tea.

The two officials smiled slightly and changed genders. The mustache stayed on the smaller, butch-looking, woman detective. It was obviously an accessory for disguise. Officer Nino's smile faltered due to constriction from his female uniform and Baimei nodded to them. Detective and assistant returned to their adult forms and gave a patient look her way. "Oh, sorry," Baimei said and changed into her adult form. The bottom of the shirt rose and the arm sleeves pulled in to accommodate his larger frame. The shirt now felt tight stretched across his chest and generally undersized. The cuffs on the slacks rose from just a couple of centimeters over her ankles to almost a dozen over his. He noted the recognition in Kahoru's eyes and turned his attention to his fiancée.

"Ranma?" he prompted. The little girl sandwiched between her parents gaped up at him. A flush grew in her cheeks and crossed the bridge of her dainty nose. She did not appear to want to move, much less change forms. The blush looked beyond cute, too, so he stepped around the low table filled with trays of pastries, chocolate and hot drinks and extended a hand toward his fiancée. She handed him the tea cup, plate and fork. He almost started laughing as he found an open spot on a tray to set them. Offering his hand to her again, this time she guessed right and he guided her gently up from where parents sat. He led her around to the bathroom where he turned the hot water tap fully on. She continued to stare; this time, into the mirror. "Is something wrong?" he asked, cupping his hands over her shoulders from behind.

"You l-look like some kind o'… elf prince," she quietly replied. Ranma abruptly stuck her hand under the running water as it warmed and kept her gaze into the sink.

That was a compliment, he hoped. "An elf prince, huh? Hey, it's your clothes. If you want me to wear them again, just let me know. I will as long as you like it."

Ranma transformed, the water apparently was now hot enough, and he turned off the faucet. Surprise now lit his fiancé's face. "I can't wear this out there," he said in growing panic, indicating the nightgown under his western bathrobe.

Baimei pulled Ranma back into his arms. "Hey, now, don't worry. Both of the police just cross-dressed. It's not a problem. I just changed, too, you know."

Ranma's face took on a brooding look. "But you look _good_. I look like… I don't know, gay."

"That's another lesson about my clan: cross-dressing is _normal_ and has nothing to do with being a homosexual. Even if we _were_ gay, it wouldn't be the same as it is for normal people. We could still look like an average couple and still have children." Baimei sighed and stared back at Ranma in the mirror. "We try very hard to follow normal conventions of society and some of us just don't make it and are sent back to the island our family came from but cross-dressing within the family happens all the time. We even do it on accident a lot as teenagers." Sliding his hands from Ranma's belly up to his shoulders once more, Baimei said, "Look at me, this is my adult form. I look like an ugly stick as a girl. It would be strange if your male body was more attractive than your female one… at least, to me." Leaning closer to whisper into his ear, Baimei said, "Your female form is hot enough to set me on fire and I _do_ find your male form cute. When I develop more control over my body, maybe I can stay girl for a little fun in bed."

"_If_ you two are done in there," Detective Kahoru hinted.

Speaking softly into the wild-eyed boy's ear, Baimei added, "The police won't think a thing of you wearing that cute nightgown under your bathrobe but I bet they'll find the water-thing weird. Think you can explain that part?" Ranma's head jerked in a tense nod but he saw his black-haired fiancé's resolve firm. 'That's right. He's probably explained his curse a hundred times already so that part should be familiar ground.'

Ranma exited the open bathroom door to a small group of family and strangers. 'I'm sure they heard everything,' Baimei considered as she quickly filled two cups with hot and cold water from the tap for demonstration purposes. She could hear Ranma over the running water begin his explanation in the sitting room.

"I'm Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling. I was born a guy an' I'm _still_ a guy except when I'm a girl but even then, I'm still _mostly_ a guy who just _happens_ to like Baimei when she's guy… even though I like her when she's a girl, too, or when I'm a guy and… or when I'm a girl…"

Baimei brought out the two cups of water and a wry smile for Ranma's demonstration. 'She _did_ just start transforming into a woman.' Listening to Ranma's confused introduction reminded him of how much counseling on Shimeru sexual identity and family practices would be needed in the very near future. "Here is your water," she said, presenting Ranma with the two cups. 'Maybe I should revert to a girl, now, so he feels more comfortable.' With that thought, Baimei shrunk back into her immature form. Ranma's parents looked distinctly uncomfortable and Ranma easily picked up on that. She put her left arm around his waist to convey her support.

"We have already heard how you change genders with water by magic," Detective Kahoru commented once attention returned to the topic at hand. "Would you mind showing us?"

Still holding her fiancé, Baimei watched, too, as Ranma poured a little cold water over his head, instantly transforming him into her ideal woman as the robe sagged loosely on her frame. "Cold water turns me into a girl," she said and raised the other glass. "Hot water changes me back."

"How do we know it's magic?" Officer Nino asked. "I could pour water on my head and do the same thing."

"It's a curse," Ranma replied sounding offended he might make something like that up but the policewoman had a point.

"Oji-san," Baimei directed toward Ranma's father. "Would you mind?" she asked, startling the man out of his ruminations.

"Oh, yes, of course. It is often difficult to see the true horror that is Jusenkyou," he said. Genma stood from the loveseat and rounded the low coffee table to accept the half-full cups from his son. "Behold the perils of Jusenkyou!" he declared and upended the cool cup over his head transforming into a great panda straight out of China.

Baimei went bug-eyed for a moment, too. It _was_ the first time she'd seen Ranma's father's transformation. It was quick, too. The change from man to a giant dougi wearing megane-kumo panda happened in half a blink. 'Ranma transforms that fast, too. Amazing.'

"That's so awesome," Baito breathed. _"I_ want one," she said, directing her gaze toward Ranma's mother. Officer Nino's notepad thumped on the carpet.

Baimei smiled and firmed her grip on Ranma's waist but her eyes were on Nodoka. The Saotome mother finally came out of the fugue she'd been in since probably hearing their talk in the bathroom. A smile grew on Nodoka's face and, while Nino Jiro retrieved her notepad from the floor, replied, "Now, Baito-chan, this panda belongs to me. If you want one, you'll have to take your husband to that place in China."

"Eew, no way!" Ranma put in.

"This is your father we're talking about, Ranma-chan. He raised you. Show some respect," Nodoka primly replied.

Genma suddenly held a white sign painted with, "Yeah, show a little respect, boy, or aren't you man enough."

"But mooommm," Ranma whined, "You have no idea what it's like when he's all wet an' stinky!"

Nodoka's eyes widened and her left eyebrow went climbing on her forehead. "Ranma-chan, I want you to think about what you just said and we'll talk about it in the morning."

His panda father flipped the sign around and held it in a distinctly threatening manner. It said, "Watch it, boy!"

Baimei tightened her grip on his waist and attempted to pull Ranma out of the losing verbal battle but her fiancé logged one additional protest. "I wake up with hair in my mouth!"

Nodoka turned her sharp eyed glare toward her panda who signed, "It's not what you think!" Baito erupted into giggles while the detective and policewoman's expressions looked strained to the limit.

"_My_ hair is the only hair that should be in your mouth when you wake up," Baimei muttered in a low voice into Ranma's ear. Unfortunately, she was not quiet enough so everyone else in the room knew why Ranma suddenly flushed.

Genma hid his sign by some magical means and poured the remaining hot water over his head while catching his trousers from falling. "Boy," he said turning to Ranma and Baimei and holding an index finger imperiously, "let me give you one piece of advice." Ranma's father paused, as if thinking about what to say. The pause stretched out for a few uncomfortable seconds until it became obvious he either couldn't decide or came up blank in making something up. Everyone waited, anyway, for that promised nugget of martial arts wisdom. "Never… Always think about what you say before you say it."

"Never-always? Gee, thanks, Pop. Took you long enough," Ranma deadpanned. Genma turned his nose up and regally made his way back to the loveseat and his proud wife who wore a patient smile.

"All right, now," Detective Koharu said clapping his hands together. "We need to collect your statements and I would like to do it quickly so you can all go to sleep and my team can go look for criminals."

After that statement, they did, indeed, get down to business. Baimei and Ranma each brought a chair from the table by the window and bed to provide room for the two police to sit. They did not kick everyone outside, as Baimei found had happened across the hall but they did set each person in the single lounge chair and ask for a full recount of the events. Baito explained how she'd been warned by Ranma's father. Ranma's parents explained how they'd been sleeping after an exhausting discussion about possible match between Ranma and herself, what they overheard, and how Genma had warned her older sisters and their husbands until sneaking by the room and Ranma's crying act. The detective seemed pretty skeptical of Genma's story until Ranma's father told them they could call it magic or martial arts as long as they write it down just as he said. After they were done, Ranma's father and Baito were sent across the hall in exchange for Baimei's mother.

Then, it was Baimei and Ranma's turns. Baimei went first to describe the attacker and was asked questions about the condition of the door's lock and latch when she entered. He also had her describe every second she spent in the room, and where, after first finding the intruder.

Ranma went last. The police were particularly interested in how Ranma determined there was someone in Baimei's room ready to attack but asked many of the same questions, finally lingering on the mystery maid's description and exact words. Fortunately, Ranma had a fairly good memory and provided a lot of detail on things Baimei, herself, didn't remember. The questions might have gone on a lot longer except for the strange incident when Ranma's father returned to the room.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"This is Saotome Genma. Let me in," he asked, knocking at the door.

Nikorin opened it. "Saotome-san, is there something you need?" she asked.

He searched the room with his eyes quickly and found the detective and his helper interrogating Ranma in the lounge chair. Their own straight-backed chairs were placed in front, the coffee table having been cleared and moved at the start. "I need to talk with Kahoru-san right now," he said.

The detective heard, obviously, and turned with a question in his eyes. Genma didn't wait for an invitation and bowed an excuse to Nikorin before entering. His child's possible future mother-in-law was forced to retreat to make way. Genma closed the door making sure it latched and peeked out the eye-hole to verify that no one had followed. He knew two policemen monitored either end of the hall though he could not see them. It appeared the evidence collection in Baimei's room had finished but they left it sealed just the same. The hall was quiet at this hour in the morning. 'I wonder what all the other guests think about this,' he thought leaving the peephole.

The Detective and Officer Nino both rose to their feet as he approached. "What is it?" Nino Jiro asked.

Resettling his glasses back up his nose, Genma collected his observations before speaking. It was always best to give well-rehearsed answers. This time, he'd have to talk free-style. 'Start with the most important news,' he decided. "Some pencil-necked retainer for that Takamatsu suit was let in with a message. He whispered something in the guy's ear and Takamatsu turned white. The guy's eyes went everywhere. It was like he had a whole dorm's worth of panties in his pockets and got caught in a blind alley by those angry women."

"I'll… have to remember that analogy," Kahoru Futako replied with a nervous sweat-drop.

"Yes, well, Takamatsu took back all the forms and papers he'd been showing Baiko-san and Baijo-san saying he got reminded about a meeting to get ready for in the morning and had to get back to his room. He's going to leave any minute. The man's radiating angry ki but he's also scared," Genma explained.

"Where did he get the forms?" Kahoru asked.

"He called his legal assistant from the room phone with Baiko-san's permission. It was right after I got there. The guy brought them right away – standard forms, or something. The assistant's gone, now. He left right away to get back to work, he said."

To his relief, both police stood and nodded as they headed his way. Genma held the door for them. Baimei, who had been sitting on the edge of the coffee table, Ranma and Nodoka all stood, no doubt wondering what was happening but there was tomorrow to think about. "You can get ready for bed if you like, Mother," he said using his wife's newly preferred designation. "I'll be along soon, I think. I'll explain later. The kids need their rest." 'I hope they take the hint and actually sleep. It's almost three in the morning! _I_ need some sleep!' he thought with a big yawn.

Nikorin left while he held the door after she wished the children a good night. He gave Ranma and Baimei one last warning to get to bed and left the kids to themselves. 'They aren't kids, any more,' he thought, 'at least, not entirely.' Then, he closed their door behind them only to pause in the hall. Down toward the elevators and on the opposite side, Nikorin was letting herself into her room by her own key. 'What should I do,' he wondered, 'go join Nodoka in bed or find out more of what's going on?'

He was curious but he also wanted to go to bed. The deciding factor was the knowledge his wife would want to know everything and expect him to tell her. He dithered over the decision until another suit came walking up the long hall from a door past the elevators. This one didn't have the build of an accountant and the man had a more athletic walk. 'Don't _look_ like a suit _or_ his helper,' he thought, scratching his chin and watching the man approach.

Genma was not entirely sure when, or how, he made his decision but soon found himself approaching the Shimeru couple's door. He reached it right before the new suit, well aware of the policemen stationed in the hall who were not bothering to hide their scrutiny, and knocked. The new suit stopped at the door behind him just as Genma expected. 'Too much of a coincidence,' he thought of the new suit's destination.

Baisuke opened the door. "Welcome," she said in a subdued voice. "I am afraid it is somewhat busy in here," she said, quirking an eyebrow at the packed little room. The young woman's dry humor was subdued given the company and early hour of the morning.

"That's all right," Genma replied. "Thank you for having me," he said but wasted no time approaching the detective, who'd struck up a conversation with both Baiko and Takamatsu. The later had fair mental discipline but could not quite erase the traces of fire and ice in his chi. "Excuse me, Detective, my wife and I are tired. Is that all for the night?" he asked, perhaps too bluntly but at least it was fast and direct.

Detective Kahoru paused in his discussion. "Yes, Saotome-san, I do believe that will be all for the evening."

Genma turned and bumped right into the new suit who had been following him in. "Oh, pardon me!" he apologized as the suit shot him a sour, flinty look. He strode back to where Baimei, who stood minding the door. Turning back to the detective and cluster of businessmen, he kept his eyes on the new suit that whispered into Takamatsu's ear. The Shaft executive's chi relaxed. There was still anger but not as much and the fear was gone.

"I am afraid we must be going, too," Takamatsu announced. "The kidnapping of your son is truly unfortunate." He stood, giving Baiko a proper bow as the Shimeru all stood to thank him for his considerate help this evening and expressed hope they could strike a deal with the kidnappers without Takamatsu's financial support.

Deciding to linger, he asked Baisuke, who still stood by the door to mind it for the family and guests, "My daughter, what do you think of her? I'd like to know how well she'd fit in your family if Baimei-kun is freed." He held the door, himself, while the guests from Shaft filed out. They projected warm neutrality but their chi was like a lit fuse.

"Oh, I think she'll fit in all right, Saotome-ojisan. "Do you think she could pull off a prank and tease my brother about it?"

"Perhaps," Genma replied cagily as he shut the door. The moment it was closed, the Shimeru men and Nikorin all started talking at once, albeit in hushed voices. "Are you sure she's going to tease your brother?" Baisuke laughed over the growing din.

"Please, keep it down," Detective Kahoru implored of everyone, not that everyone was guilty. Baiko took Takamatsu's seat and brooded over the mysterious executive, Takamatsu, but order was soon restored. "Now, did anyone hear any part of that last message?" No one could respond positively. The detective turned toward Nino Jiro. "You read lips, Nino-kun. I don't suppose you have any ideas."

Jiro shook her head. "He was very careful to cover his mouth, sir."

Kahoru Futako, NPA detective, sighed. "Is there _any_ possibility his presence was just a coincidence?"

Baijo's daughters and sons in law muttered various non-committal responses and questions around the room but Baiko, Baijo and Nikorin sat in silence. Baiko finally spoke up. "It was too convenient that he showed up with an offer to cover the remaining ransom. It would be hard enough to accept a private loan but he wanted equity in our company as collateral, our _own_ equities. It would be too easy manipulate stock price with my grandson kidnapped. If we got downgraded, the banks might demand early repayment and we would be stuck without operating capital. We own preferred stock. If he had that, he could force us to sell the company or face liquidation. This was a very, very hostile takeover attempt."

Jiro was busily taking notes while Futako stewed over the assessment in silence. Baisuke and Baito took the opportunity to express their anger to their mother. Fumori and Nibun exchanged bitter complaints and tried to sympathize with Baijo. Genma decided to stick his own foot in it. That was the only way he knew to test how deep the water was.

"I think it was a trap, too," Genma offered up for discussion. "The technique is classic. Direct your opponent's attention away from your attack with a feint to their weak spot. Even better if you can make the feint a real attack, yet still get behind them with a second crushing blow."

"That's it," Baijo said with an edgy in his voice. "That sums it up pretty well." The man's youngest child almost got kidnapped. He had a reason to be angry.

"And," Genma added hesitantly, unsure if he should bring up the next topic but knowing that the longer he waited, the worse the reception might be, "That last suit carried a gun." _That_ got everyone's attention.

Jiro and Futako's eyes narrowed on him. "How do you know? Did you see it? I didn't notice any concealed weapons when he approached.

Officer Nino was furiously writing notes while Genma began to sweat but there was no getting out of it, now. "W-well, you see, I searched him before he got to you guys." The detective sent Genma a look that demanded an immediate explanation. The trouble was in how to explain. His on-the-fly speeches weren't nearly as good as those he developed through intense training and self-sacrifice but he did not think the Saotome Final Attack would work out well under these circumstances. "When I bumped into him?" he said, though it sounded more like a question.

"Why didn't you say something?" Baito gasped in disbelief.

"What could I say? 'That sure is a tiny pistol you got there,' or maybe yell, 'Gun, gun, he's got a gun! Oh, wait, it's just a little one.' What does it matter, anyway? I was thinking about taking it and his wallet. Then I figured, 'It's getting late and I need sleep,' so I thought you guys could arrest him by yourselves, later."

Nibun sighed, sliding down the bathroom wall and Baito groaned. Baiko interrupted further expressions and comments. "That's fine, Saotome-san. You and your family have done us a great many favors. If it's all right with Detective Kahoru, I see no reason to keep you up. Thank you for all of your help and please feel free to sleep in as late as you wish. We can adjust the schedules to make sure everyone gets enough rest."

Relieved, Genma bowed his thanks and reached for the lever that opened the door when the detective asked, "The gun, Saotome-san, you said it was small. Did you mean it? Can you describe it?"

Staring at the door, his hand on the handle, Genma's brow wrinkled in thought. "It _felt_ small. My hand pretty much covered it in its holster under his left arm. The weird thing about it was the handle felt large compared to the pointy end, even in the holster. I'm sure it wasn't a normal-sized one. Maybe it wasn't one at all."

"No, I trust your judgment. It was probably designed to be hidden like that," the detective replied.

Baiko cleared his throat to gather everyone's attention. "Saotome-san has the right idea. I think we've all had enough excitement for the night. The rental company for tomorrow's clothes will be here in a few hours, like it, or not. You all need rest so go back to your rooms and take what you can." Genma nodded and pulled the lever to open the door. "Detective, Officer, you may both join me in my room, if you like. If you or your staff need anything, just ask the front desk. I'm sure the hotel will accommodate you," Genma heard on his way out headed toward his room.

He stopped by the kids' room but felt only two presences, one of them very familiar, while the rest of the group filed out the Shimeru parents' door after him. 'A challenger for the dojo's honor is one thing but armed kidnappers…' His eyes narrowed. A Shimeru match was looking risky. He did not want to see _any_ of his family kidnapped by violent criminals. It was hard enough waiting around the dojo for his boy to return with stories of how he defeated his latest challenge.

'Obsessing over _ifs_ is a sure path toward defeat,' he thought with a sigh and turned away from Ranma's toward his own door in the adjacent bedroom. 'You just have to _do_ what seems right and worry about the consequences later.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The chirping of her bird-alarm woke Kasumi from a deep sleep. She cracked an eye open and rolled over to tap the yellow plastic bird's, head activating the ten minute snooze function, and rolled back to stare at the white ceiling just becoming visible in the pre-dawn gray. 'I wonder what time Akane returned last night.' She lifted an arm to rest the back of her wrist on her forehead. Last night, she tried to stay awake with her father waiting for Akane to come home. She hadn't by eleven and her father sent her to bed saying he'd wait up for her.

Sucking in a ragged breath to restart body and mind, she expelled a soft groan. 'I'll bet there's a pile of butts in the ashtray this morning,' she decided feeling slightly acerbic about her father's smoking habits. 'Am _I_ allowed to smoke? No.' "Your mother made me promise," her father explained. He also explained she could do whatever she wanted outside of the house.

She sat up and pushed the covers to the side. Her slippers were where she left them beside the bed and Kasumi put them on. It was the first thing she did every morning. The second thing she always did was turn off the alarm to keep it from cheeping for the rest of the hour once the snooze wore off. Nabiki hated that.

Kasumi stood and aimed toward her robe hanging on the back hook of her bedroom door. 'Time to see what the damage was,' she thought. Out in the hall, she could already smell the rank, old cigarette smoke and wrinkled her nose. Tobacco smelled better when you were the one smoking, she'd learned, though she'd never tell her father.

Descending the stairs to the genkan, she turned on the hall light and counted pairs of shoes. "Akane's not home, yet?" she muttered. Stopping by their house's main entry, she looked over the shoes that _were_ there. Except for the Saotome family, Akane's were the only ones missing. Kasumi clucked her tongue, lightly. 'That girl, where could she be?' she thought in mild exasperation but worry for her sister overrode any irritation. 'Maybe she got home late and went out for a run earlier than usual,' she speculated, hopefully, on her way to the kitchen.

Flicking on the kitchen light, she found the stove was left on low and the hot water kettle was nearly empty. She quickly refilled it at the sink before placing it back on the burner and turning the gas up three-quarters of the way. With the most basic task out of the way, she turned and headed out toward the toilet. Kasumi found her father laying back on the engawa in near darkness, his feet hanging down over the edge. Beside his right hip lay a heaping try of butts and his right hand lay near it with a dead butt between index and middle fingers. "Father!"

His eyes opened and stared back up at her. "Good morning, Kasumi-chan."

She blinked. "That's probably five thousand yen worth of-"

"Are you making more tea?" he interrupted.

"Yes, Father, I am but-"

"Hocchaaa!" Happosai yelled jubilantly as a black dot bounded over the wall and hopped onto the engawa, his small zori flying up in the air to land on her father's stomach. "It's a wonderful morning and good morning to you, Kasumi-chan! You too, lazy student!"

"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. 'If Grandfather Happosai is happy, then I wonder what is going to happen, today." Kasumi decided to use the toilet before the day got any more interesting. "I'll have tea ready shortly," she called back on her way around the engawa. After relieving herself and washing up, she returned to find her father sitting up sideways with his back to the engawa's frame where it joined Grandfather's bedroom. 'I'll bet he's out of smokes,' she thought as she passed by heading to the kitchen.

A moth flapped futilely at the ceiling light, trying to find a place to hang on. 'I hope it doesn't find a way in,' she thought pulling the rice cooker closer from its parking place on the counter against the wall. She didn't particularly like cleaning light fixtures but, with the men's habit of leaving all the doors and windows open all the time, there was little she could do about it. Kasumi took a measuring cup to the pantry and scooped out the rice for the morning adding it to the cooker followed by a measure of water. She closed the lid, making sure it latched, when the telephone in the hall suddenly rang. Pushing the start button, she went to answer it but her father was already there.

"Hello, Tendo here," he said. Kasumi went back into the kitchen and turned up the gas to heat the kettle faster. "Yes. Yes… She did what?... Can you explain that, again?... I-I see… Of course, not!... She is?... All right… Yes, of course!... Yes, I will… Certainly… I most humbly apologize… You're right… No, please don't do that… Yes, I'm- I'm very sorry!... Of course… I understand… Yes… You have my most sincere apologies. It won't happen again… I understand… Thank you… Yes, of course… Thank you." Whoever was talking on the other end of the phone sounded like a man, a very upset man judging by the loud, clipped speaking that punctuated the silent moments between her father's apologies.

Kasumi turned the temperature to "High" on the stove. The conversation had frozen her fingers on the knob. 'What happened?' she wondered. Her body on autopilot, she continued her preparations for breakfast and made up a tray of tea for her father and Happosai while her mind worked rapidly to piece the puzzle together but neither of the men were very communicative despite her curiosity. Sitting quietly at the small table in the kitchen, she sipped her own cup of tea reviewing her father's comments from the mysterious telephone conversation.

The door in the genkan slid open less than ten minutes later. 'Akane?' she wondered, her eyebrows rising in hope and curiosity. She heard shoes being kicked off sloppily and the sound of feet determinedly pounding up the stairs. 'That certainly _sounds_ like her,' she speculated but her thoughts were interrupted by her father.

"Akane, come here," her father said with a voice of iron. Kasumi held her breath as she heard the feet on the stairs stop before slowly returning to the genkan. Their father strode quietly through the hall from the tea room to the entrance. Only the creaking floorboards attested to his movement.

"Yes, Dad," she heard Akane say, timorously.

"Meet me in the dojo in five minutes," Kasumi heard her father order in an eerie calm.

"Yes, Dad," Akane replied, her voice thicker with emotion.

Kasumi closed her eyes wondering what her little sister did _this_ time to so enrage him.

Akane's footsteps were halfway up the stairs when Soun called after her, saying, "Make that half an hour, Daughter, I need to run to the corner store for some cigarettes."

"Yes, Dad," Akane's voice came back down the stairs.

Kasumi listened as her youngest sister's footsteps picked up speed and enthusiasm on her way to her room followed by a door being shut somewhere short of a slam.

From the middle bedroom upstairs, Kasumi heard Nabiki's faint complaint, "Hey, it's Sunday! I'm trying to sleep in here!"

"Kasumi-chan," her father said pushing the nori aside and poking his head into the kitchen. A sudden chill froze her spine and her eyes felt like they were about to fall out of her head. He'd startled her that much. "Why don't you give Ono-kun a call and tell him you'll be over this morning."

She ducked her head. "Yes, Father. I'll tell him I'll be over right after breakfast."

"You don't need to wait that long," he replied and pulled out his wallet. "It sounds like your sister's awake, too. Here," he said handing her two ten-thousand yen notes, "give Nabiki one, too. It's Sunday. You both should go out and have fun for a while."

Kasumi tried not to gape at her father. She kept enough presence of mind to take the money. It was abundantly clear she was being bribed to leave the house and could not imagine how badly Akane got in trouble this time to warrant such action. "This should last Nabiki half a day-" He silently doubled the amount. "Y-yes. I… Thank you, Father. I'll go get ready right now. The rice is cooking and-"

"Don't worry about it. You just coax your sister out of bed and go have fun for the day."

Kasumi nodded and picked up her teacup as she stood from the wooden chair at the small kitchen table. Her father nodded back and left the room. She set her dishes by the sink and opened the cupboard to retrieve the can of tea. Next, she returned to the pantry for a box of crackers and a box of cookies. She filled a tray with the fixings for a light breakfast and more tea and carried it into the tea room.

Happosai sat smoking his pipe with a relaxed and happy smile while he stared out into the morning. His eyes shined brightly reflecting the orange-pink dawn light. Suddenly, he giggled. She left the tray with him and shivered. He knew what was going on with Akane and approved. Kasumi had to work to keep from fleeing upstairs.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma woke slowly. It was time for his normal sparring session but he doubted it would happen, or rather hoped his old man would let him have today off. A sliver of sunshine lit the wall and ceiling at a steep angle as it slipped through a small gap between the heavy curtains. It wasn't the only light in the room, though. The edges of the curtains, too, were aglow with morning light.

The dim golden glow provided enough light to see by without making it completely obvious it was now day, Sunday if he remembered right. He felt warm and comfortable laying on his side, staring at a mop of short-cropped dark brown hair.

Ranma's eyes widened in panic. 'Oh, crap! I'm in bed with a g-' His train of thought screeched to a sudden halt. 'A guy? A girl? Wait, Baimei is a girl right now. Her guy-hair is lighter.' An arm slid over his exposed right side. Half of Ranma wanted to jump out of bed and escape before the punishment came. The other half remembered this person was his fiancée. 'At least, until she changes gender, like me,' he thought.' He gulped. 'Then, I'd be in bed with a guy.'

He took some calming breaths and tried to sort out how he felt and how he _should_ have felt. 'Even if she turns into a guy, she's still Baimei. _He's_ my fiancé just as much as _she_ is, maybe more. Ahhhh, I'm _so_ confused! _Bad,_ brain!'

Thinking back over the previous evening's weirdness, he considered some of the major points. 'Number one, Baimei isn't a martial artist. Having some loser jump her in half darkness seriously freaked her out.' That Ranma was freaked, too, about possibly, perhaps accidentally, pummeling a hotel employee did not, at first, register. 'Well, I guess she kind o' saved me, too. She really knew what to do,' he decided. 'Would _he_ act the same way?' After some thought, Ranma concluded, 'Yeah, probably. _I_ don't change that much when I change. Could I deal with a guy who doesn't do fighting?' Surprisingly, that concept wasn't all that repulsive. 'All right, so what else?'

'I guess number two would be that these guys own everything. They own the hotel, the police, big fancy companies that do machinery, lots of things. They even own an island! I wonder if it's a big island, or a little island. I hope it's someplace tropical.' The thought that maybe the own Kyushu flit across Ranma's mind in his early-morning daydreams but he knew that wasn't too likely. 'I thought the Kuno family was rich.' Another idea occurred to him. 'They talk about their clan but it must be huge 'cause they can marry… they almost _always_ marry within the clan. Does that mean individual families aren't that rich?' After a moment, he decided that might actually be the case but he'd have to ask to be sure. 'Hope I don't sound too stupid, asking.'

'Wonder what was really goin' on,' he mused as his thoughts turned toward the mysterious stranger; that fancy executive guy and all the police. 'I hate not knowing what's goin' on. I wish they'd explain it.' Still, Ranma felt some small amount of pride for his performance last night. 'I did a pretty good job at acting like a girl and crying.' That thought, though, reminded him just how he had pulled it off.

'Kyouya,' he thought with a sad sigh. The deceased robot lover was the one person who didn't want a single thing from him. 'I could have had sex with Kyouya. Maybe I _should_ have,' he thought defiantly but at the same time he knew it would have hurt even worse when Asami Kyouya, Kronos Heaven's prototype Daily Lover, died. His father had forbidden it.

Ranma's mouth wrinkled into a pout. 'Is that why I did it with Baimei?' He reviewed the previous day's introduction to sex. 'It started off almost like an accident. I sure got into it, though.' Thinking harder and trying to understand how that accident happened, Ranma remembered the powerful attraction he felt for the tall man his newest fiancée turns into. 'Did being a girl make it work? I _was_ a girl, then.' That much was abundantly clear. To Ranma's consternation, he _still_ had not had sex with a woman as a man. 'Do I need to?' Now _that_ was an interesting question. Did he need to have sex as a man with a woman? The obvious answer was, yes, but was that true? 'What _do_ you need?'

Ranma's eyes focused once more on his newest fiancée's short hair. 'I really like short hair,' he realized giving Baimei a smile she could not see. 'Long hair's a bitch but Akane and Baimei like it.' That reminded him of his other significant fiancée. Tendo Akane said she wanted him. She said she loved him but they fought and argued and complained so often he was tired of dealing with it. 'I love her, too, though,' he reminded himself. 'How am I going to explain this to her? Should I even try? I know she'll be mad and if she isn't, she'll cry for sure. That would suck.' Ranma knew beyond any doubt that he didn't want to hurt Akane. Having sex with a guy he just met, even if it's real love, would definitely hurt her.

'So what do I want besides sex?' he wondered and knew immediately that question wasn't phrased right. Sex _wasn't_ what Ranma wanted. 'I want love, first. I want someone like Kyouya who _cares_ about me,' he decided. There was one problem with that. 'Hold on, I ain't never heard of anyone at school saying he wanted love over sex. Only girls do that.' After a moment's consideration he wondered, 'Does that mean I'm really a girl, deep down? Baimei is both. I think she an' he want both. Kuno definitely wants sex but he's a stupid example. So's Ryouga… and Mousse, too. What does Akane want? Argh, she's gonna kill me for sure!'

Baimei's breathing picked up speed. 'She's wakin' up,' he realized. 'I kind o' like her,' he decided. Her head, which had been curled down on the pillow like the rest of her body, straightened as she sucked in deep breath of morning air, her eyes cracking open. He smiled at her and she smiled back, her legs straightening until her toes touched his.

"Good morning, beautiful," she said, though her voice cracked from lack of use. Ranma brushed the fingers of his right hand across her forehead and back to her temples to push the hair out of the way. She swallowed a few times to work her mouth clean. "You look like you're thinking. What about?"

Ranma's eyes traced her nose, mouth and other lines of her face before replying, "Just thinkin' that I kind o' like her… and _him._"

Her smile bloomed. Baimei unexpectedly rolled halfway on top of him and they kissed. She slipped a leg between his and Ranma felt his little man wake up. Baimei broke the kiss and ran her left hand up his chest. "I like your nightgown, Ranma. It's cute."

Ranma blushed. He could feel the blood running to _both_ of his heads. "Ah, wait, ah, don't we have to get up or s-something?" he asked in rising embarrassment and blood pressure.

"Hey, the old folks said we could sleep in, right?"

"Uh… maybe?" he squeaked when Baimei started rubbing his right nipple through the nightgown.

"Uh, oh, looks like _you've_ got a _morning_ problem," Baimei saucily replied. Mr. chin-chin was very much awake and she was grinding on it with her upper thigh and hip.

Ranma gasped and tried to fight the growing excitement and panic. Baimei's left hand drifted down his mother's nightgown to the hem at his knees. Then, it started moving back up along the inside of his thigh dragging the hem up as she went. Baimei gave the left side of his neck a brief lick before getting to work on making a hicky in earnest. Ranma yowled.


	15. Eye of the Taifun

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Eye of the Taifun

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Eyes closed with his face turned up into the shower of hot water, Ranma moaned in delight and noted the close echo in his hotel bathroom. His body still felt it, suffused as he was with pleasant endorphins. Baimei's touch, taste, smell, words of reassurance and love, when words were spoken, and, most of all, he could still _feel_ what she, and he, did to pleasure both aspects. Erotic details of their morning's activities, those with the most significance, occupied his mind while his body continued scrubbing and rinsing but the most powerful moments of pleasure were already burying themselves as deeply as any of his most fundamental kata. That worried him the most even though he knew beyond any doubt that the person he shared those pleasures with loved him absolutely. Ranma knew, too, that he was changing: He was no longer a boy, or, at least, _she_ was no longer a girl and he was fairly certain it counted for his boy-side as well. The weight of adult responsibility loomed over him and he swallowed, reflexively. On the other side of the shower curtain, the bathroom door opened and irrational fear chilled his soul causing him to freeze right where he stood, under the hot water.

"Detective Koharu said I could have my suitcase back!" Baimei announced upon entering, her normally smooth voice edged by excitement and completely oblivious to his surge of fear. "He said that kidnapper guy _did_ touch my stuff so Mom asked the hotel to get me a new toothbrush and toothpaste. They got some fingerprints, you know," she added, and Ranma thought he heard the sink's faucet start to run.

There was no cry of outrage and no threat of violence. Ranma gave himself a mental shake. 'She walked in on me but she's cool with it,' he reminded himself and found his center once more. 'It ain't the first time we shared this bathroom, not even the first, today!' he remembered with a rising blush. Ranma quickly made sure he was rinsed and turned the water off. Baimei was brushing her teeth by the sound he heard on the other side of the curtain. Looking around, he spotted the rack of towels high on the wall at the opposite end of the deep, Japanese-style tub-shower combination and snatched one down off it to begin drying.

The brushing stopped. "You'rl quie'. You all righ?" she garbled her question around a mouthful of foamy toothpaste.

That gave him pause to think. "Yeah, I… yeah – be right out," he replied. His newest fiancée warbled her assent and the brushing resumed.

'What am I worried about,' he wondered, 'a girl walking in on me while I'm in the shower?' He thought about it and quickly decided that was a stupid idea. 'We've been a lot more than just naked,' he reminded himself. 'Besides, she's really a guy.' That thought tweaked a nerve and sparked another round of sexual identity confusion. He shook it off while Baimei spit and ran the water again.

"Ranma, do you know much about baseball?" she unexpectedly asked.

Tying the towel around his waist, he pulled the curtain to the side and saw his tallest fiancée wearing one of the fluffy western bathrobes the hotel provided instead of traditional yukata. She stared back at him in the mirror, the question she'd asked reflected in her eyes. His own gaze met hers through the glass then drifted off and down. "Not really. I can play but usually don't."

"How come?"

"It's boring. I can _do_ all that stuff but people kind o' don't like it," he explained a little sourly.

Baimei set her toothbrush down, turned around to face him and took his left hand between hers, drawing his attention back at the same time. "You're probably too good at it," she said with a smile that warmed his heart.

A wry smirk crept faintly upward but her understanding without a more detailed explanation put him back at ease. "It _is_ kind o' boring. Most of the game is standing around waiting for something to happen… unless you're the pitcher. Then it's just _mostly_ boring."

A knock at the Old Otani Hotel room's entrance broke the moment. "Hey, you two, are you decent?" they heard Baito's male voice call through the door.

Grinning and shaking her head, Baimei lead Ranma out of the bath to the front door. "No, but you're welcome to come in, anyway," she said, pulling the door open.

Barefooted Baito wore a yukata. He immediately spotted Ranma and grinned. His eyes raked a path down toward the towel. "Hi there, cutie."

Ranma quietly stepped behind Baimei using her to help block Baito's amused leer. Baimei's left hand reached behind her and Ranma slipped his into it. It was not as if Ranma felt insecure about his own masculinity but more like he was mildly uncomfortable with another male appreciating him like that. His fiancée made a terse, disgusted sound and reprimanded her brother. "You're married. Keep your mind in your own gutter and stay out of mine," she told him. "Anyway, why'd you stop by, Big Brother?"

"Because everyone is so… _tired_ this morning, Dad decided we'll do the tea ceremony in our immature forms. That means _you're_ late, Little Sister, not Ranma-chan," he said, smiling. "Mom just wanted to know if you were up, yet."

"I'm up!" Baimei replied. "I've _been_ up."

"Yes," Baito drawled, smile creeping toward a grin, "I'd heard." He leaned to the side in the doorway and Ranma returned to the focus of his attention. "We'll be dressing in Grandma's room next door, Ranma-kun. Fumori and I have a table of breakfast items laid out in our room and the door is propped open so please help yourself. You look like you've had your shower. Are you ready to get dressed?"

The less loaded conversation restored Ranma's confidence. "Le'me brush my teeth, first," he answered and remembered to excuse himself properly before retreating to the bathroom leaving Baimei to bear her brother's teasing and insinuations alone.

"Ah, man," Baimei said, taking Ranma's cue and rushing in not far behind him, "formal dress as a woman is such a pain! I don't even _look_ good!" she complained. Ranma wet his toothbrush and was in the process of squirting paste onto it from the tube when Baimei's hands grasped his shoulders from behind and gently guided him out the bathroom door. "Wait here a sec' while I use the toilet," she explained. The door only closed enough for the bolt to touch the frame and Ranma tried to pretend not to hear and understand what was going on inside.

He turned to walk toward the window by the bed in back and halted in his tracks with the toothbrush stuck deep in his mouth and pushing his left cheek out. The tube of toothpaste was dangerously close to bursting in his left hand. Baito had his back turned and was bent at the waist beside bed staring at the clothes on the floor. Ranma suddenly felt a damp chill. Of course, he _was_ wearing only a damp towel at the moment so maybe he was not actually nervous at what Baito might see, right there, on the floor, or in the garbage can next to the bed.

Unfortunately, Baito straightened up and turned a wicked grin at him. "You should probably return that set to Niito-san. He should be in Dad's room helping them get dressed," he said, wriggling an eyebrow at him on the way back to the door. Ranma figured his eyes were bulging and decided to close them. That did nothing to remedy the dribbling toothpaste foam slowly tracing a path down his chin as he hyperventilated. "Tell Little Sister to hurry up and get over to Mom and Dad's room. The ceremony starts at two o'clock and we should be ready a little early. You can bring her something to eat while she gets ready. It won't take you as long to get dressed. Your longer hair may take a little more time but a good wig takes a while, too, and _she_ also has make-up."

The bathroom door opened just as Baito let himself out of their room. Ranma's attention was drawn back to the garments scattered on the floor by the bed. "I'm finished, Ranma. Come on in," Baimei called out of the bathroom. The hissing spray of the shower renewed itself in his ears and his chin dripped white foam on the carpet at his feet. Ranma cupped a hand under his chin, turned and ran back to the sink to finish.

"Mei-chan," he called through the white curtain after spitting out his toothpaste and rinsing the white drool off his face.

"What?" she called back from behind the curtain.

"Ah, Baito said you got t' go to your Mom an' Dad's room to get dressed. I'm, ah, goin' to get something to eat quick and bring it to you. You want anything in p'ticular?"

"I don't know. Just bring a little of everything, I guess. Not too much," she yelled back over the curtain and spraying water. "I'll pick what I want out of it." The sound of a shampoo bottle bouncing and clattering off the bottom of the tub interrupted any further conversation except for the curse, "Crap, just missed my toes!"

"All right!" he called back and left the bathroom to pick up the remnants of the morning's romantic interlude from where they lay scattered around the bed. A snap-decision resulted in shifting the clothes to one hand and using the other to pull five facial tissues from their dispensing box on top the headboard, wadding them loosely and arranging the pile in the bottom of the garbage can. The _wrapper_ for this article of evidence, he knew, was in the can in the loo. The clock built into the headboard said it was 11:48. 'It's _lunch!_ No wonder I'm hungry,' he realized.

The knot on his towel took that moment to come undone reminding him to put _something_ on before leaving. He looked around the bed and spotted the black muscle tee and shimmering blue boxers he'd loaned Baimei. 'Hey, these should work!' he decided. Ranma set down his bundle and was tucking the hem of his shirt under his waistband when he realized several important points. 'Baimei-chan wore these last night… Baimei-_kun_ wore them, too! Hey, these are _mine,_ anyway!' He obviously needed food because those were three weird thoughts that still refused to make sense together.

He retrieved the small bundle of clothes from the bed and paused on his way out to survey the small area by the door. Baimei's suitcase was laying flat on its back and flopped open on the floor beside the low coffee table that served as centerpiece to the sitting room. His fiancé had stepped out briefly to retrieve it, among other things. Over the table lay empty dishes and glasses stacked from the night before. Pastry crumbs and fruit or chocolate stains decorated all but the cups bearing half-dried residues of coffee or tea. The table had not been empty this morning but it was, now. While Baimei was out, a hungry and female Ranma had cleaned up nearly everything, leaving only some kind of banana cake with nuts for her fiancé. He must have eaten quickly while she changed into the H outfit he brought because he tasted like banana. Ranma felt his face heat and decided to leave the mess for housekeeping.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Niito-san," a furiously blushing and male Ranma interrupted, standing in the doorway to Shimeru Baijo and Nikorin's hotel room. Far in the back of the room, one of the two male clothiers looked up from the table by the window where he was stitching sleeves onto someone's tomosode. To make the man drop his work and come to meet him was rude, Ranma realized. That left him with only one option; running the gauntlet.

In the sitting area by the entrance were the female forms of Ranma's prospective grandfather-in-law, Baiko, his possible father-in-law, Baijo, as well as Ranma's own mother, Nodoka. All three looked half-dressed, wearing only the two innermost layers of their kimono as they sat on either the small love-seat or one of the thickly padded lounge chairs with a tea set and tray of small cakes at hand on the low table between. His mother paused in the conversation to smile at him. He nervously smiled back. "G-good morning," he greeted his mother and the Shimeru parents with a bow while clutching, and trying to hide, the small wad of clothes in his hands.

"Good morning, Ranma-chan," Baijo said with an easy smile and a sharp glint in her eyes. "Thank you for the massage, yesterday, by the way. You are very good at it."

Ranma laughed, nervously. "No problem. I can do that anytime." He wanted to put a hand behind his head and, maybe, fidget a bit with his pigtail but his hair was still unbound and drying and his hands were full, anyway.

"Oh, is Ranma-chan talented in that way, too?" his mother asked. Ranma used the distraction to continue his trek toward Niito-san by the window in back. He heard his mother add, "Genma-chan is _quite_ good with his hands." Ranma felt like dying of embarrassment and throwing up at the same time.

The voices Ranma thought he recognized as Nibun and Fumori came from the open bathroom door. He smiled as they came into view and said, "Good morning," as he passed. Nibun stood in front of the mirror applying makeup while Fumori leaned against the inside of the doorway.

"Good morning, Ranma-chan," Fumori replied

"Morning, Ranma-chan," Nibun called from behind. It sounded to Ranma as if the woman had paused in her preparations to poke her head out of the bathroom to reply. He didn't look back, though. His eyes were firmly on the goal: The man in the plain black suit that had looked up when Ranma called his name.

Niito-san was the person he had come to see. Ranma thought it odd during his approach to find the man alone at the far back of the room but the bed had been converted to a staging area for the women's kimono. There were five sets of black tomosode including the one Niito-san was adding sleeves to. The narrow gap between the bed and the closet was completely taken by a tall cart stacked with thick flat boxes. Ranma had no doubt they held more clothes, probably a variety of each component from the hadajuban underwear to the obijime outermost cord. Knowledge of how it all went together distracted him momentarily. 'Will I get one, too?' he wondered before returning his attention to his unfortunate task.

His target finished attaching a sleeve and stood to give it a couple of neat folds before returning it to its place on the bed. Niito-san was not as tall as his fiancé and his immediate family but the man was distinctly taller than Ranma; just not imposingly so. The tailor, Ranma supposed that was what he was, gave the barest glance before returning his attention to gathering another black tomosode with a mon, or family crest, that looked like a volcanic island. "I, um… here," Ranma said with his flush glowing atomically.

The dourly dressed man carefully draped the midnight-colored, formal, traditionally-styled robe over the small table by the window in the back of the room and bowed deeply. "Thank you, Saotome-sama," Niito-san politely replied. "Is there anything else you require?"

Ranma shook his head emphatically, perhaps even violently, and deposited the small bundle of white satin and black velvet into Nitto-san's outstretched arms. The man gave him another respectful bow and politely informed Ranma that if he needed anything, to please ask. What Ranma _needed_ was to be back in his room and for everyone in _this_ room to forget he was ever there. Then, Niito-san added to Ranma's humiliation by shaking out the wad of satin and velvet and refolding each piece so _everyone_ who had snuck, or peeked, into the hall behind Ranma could see the cute little maid costume Baimei cajoled her into wearing earlier that morning. A starched and ruffled linen headband dropped to the floor out of the white satin blouse. A gasp behind clued him into the extra attention and he found the path back to the entrance lined with curious and amused faces.

Ranma's eyes darted down the hall toward his escape route. The rest of him moved to follow a split second after. 'Mei-chan better not _ever_ let anyone see the bloomers,' he thought frantically of the slightly-baggy pair of crushed white linen underpants that were _not_ going to be returned to Niito-san.

"Oh, my, Ranma-chan," his mother exclaimed just as he reached for the door handle, "I hope you and Baimei-kun had a pleasant morning." Nodoka was standing now by the low table with a clear view of the sleeping area in the back of the room and wore a catty smile.

Ranma tried to hide his nuclear blush in his hands. His ears _heard_ what his mother said but his _eyes_ saw, through his fingers, the gleam in his mother's dark orbs. 'Shit, she knows!' Blood began draining rapidly from his head. His hands dropped as his gaze returned to the handle. 'I got t' get out of here!' He reached once more for the door.

Baijo stopped him saying, "Ranma-chan, now that you two are awake, please send my daughter in here. We still have time but she should start getting ready, too."

Ranma turned toward an amused Baijo just as he reached the door and laughed nervously. The woman had returned to the loveseat and sat primly in her nagajuban, short hair pulled back and prepared for her wig. "Sure, no problem!" he replied in a hurry.

"Your father is in Grandfather Baiko's room, Ranma-chan. You may join him when you are ready," His mother subtly requested.

Ranma nodded rapidly and yanked the door open startling the nearest policeman posted in the hall. "Eheheheh," he giggled, exchanging glances with the Shimeru policeman eyeing him from his folding chair backed up to the wall. The door to Baijo's room hissed softly as it closed and latched behind. Ranma made for his own room across and down the hall. It was locked when he tried the handle. While the policeman continued to stare, Ranma laughed nervously and cussed under his breath. 'The key! Where's the key?' Of course, he remembered exactly where it was even as he felt around his boxers for it. The key was among the mess of plates and cups on the low table in the front room. It was no more than two meters away and couldn't be any further from where he needed it.

"Mei-chan!" he called, knocking on the door. "Mei-chan, I'm locked out!" Ranma shifted his balance between feet while waiting impatiently for his fiancée to open the door and tried not to notice the two policemen sitting on their chairs at either end of the two family's cluster of rooms. He knocked again. "C-come on, open up!"

The sound of a latch working preceded a decidedly wet and dripping Baimei wrapped in a fuzzy hotel bathrobe. "Ranma, what's wrong?" she asked in obvious concern.

Ranma slipped into the room around his newest fiancée. Baimei let go of the door and tracked him as he wove his way around her to lean against the outer wall of the bathroom and stare, unseeing, at the carpet, his mind replaying the tragedy. "Everyone knows," he said with the horror of the knowledge finally overwhelming him. "They all know. I-I took the costume back to Niito-san an' my mom, an' you're mom, _saw._ They _all_ saw."

Baimei's right hand obscured his thousand yard stare before tilting his chin up to force him to meet her eyes. Ranma thought they were filled with determination and marveled at her calm despite the way her face paled. "They are our family. I am more used to their teasing than you but I will not let them hurt you. Now, was it Nikorin-mama or Baijo-mama?"

"It was Baijo-san," he answered, momentarily dazed by the question. "My momma, your grandma and Fumori an' Nibun were there, too. They all saw it when Niito-san took them an' shook them."

Baimei took a deep breath and asked, "Did they say anything about it?"

Ranma shook his head as she let go of his chin. "Your mom, I mean, your dad said to tell you to come right over. My mom said I should go to your grandpa's room."

Baimei moved well into his personal space and slipped her arms around his waist. She leaned in close and smiled. "Then, there's nothing to worry about. Dad's much more easy-going about stuff like that than Mom is," she said.

Ranma felt her pull him into her embrace and gave in. All of the stress of being a man _and_ a woman wore at him in a place deeper inside than he ever suspected. His arms tightened around Baimei while he lowered his head to her shoulder. His breath caught, unexpectedly.

"What's wrong, dear?" Baimei asked.

His breath caught again and a lump grew in his throat. So few people even asked how he felt. Aside from his parents in those ultra-rare moments, Akane and Ukyou were the only ones, yet Baimei made it so easy. He remembered just _how_ easy it was to talk to him in the garden, yesterday, and how he'd _listened_, asked questions and shared insightful comments. Tears sprang to his eyes but he had not time to feel ashamed. Ranma raised his head and said, through blurring vision, "I don't know who I am, anymore." He wanted to explain what he meant but a sob pushed its way up his throat closing off his voice box.

"You are Ranma," Baimei said pulling her right arm from behind his back and snaking it up to his face where she brushed his ragged bangs back. "You will always be Ranma but that doesn't mean you won't change. Everybody changes over time. Ten years ago when you were a little kid and that was part of who you were. You're not a kid, anymore, and, in ten more years, you'll probably have kids of your own and life will be really different but you'll still be you. Think about what life might be like when you're thirty, or fifty, or seventy. Don't be afraid of changing. Some things you can control and some you can't. I _love _you. Your parents love you, too. I know _my_ parents like you and wouldn't mind at _all_ if you became their daughter and son."

Ranma's heart ached at her words. The message was simple even if life was complicated. A moment later, Baimei's lips found his. At first, the kiss was more for comfort. 'He's not just smart,' Ranma thought as he opened his mouth for Baimei, 'he's wise like the best masters I've ever met.' He gave in to their mutual need and thoughts melted before their combined passion. Ranma found himself leaning back on the wall by the bathroom door, supporting Baimei with his arms firmly wrapped around her waist. She was now using both hands to hold his neck and waist. 'I'll be he's as stressed as me,' Ranma thought somewhat fuzzily while venturing a guess at Baimei-chan's own passion. He closed his eyes and slid his own tongue into her mouth to return the favor.

Sometime during their impromptu make-out session, Ranma had to put his arms around Baimei's neck to help hold the two of them together. The change in position also allowed Baimei better access to his nipples. 'He's _such_ a boobs-man,' Ranma thought wryly even as the stimulation began making blood flow down below. The warm mental cotton began wrapping his brain and Ranma found himself on his toes with his neck craned back to maintain contact with his fiancé. 'Wait a minute!'

Cracking his eyes open, Ranma confirmed that Baimei was in his much taller adult form. That made the current exchange of tongue very weird. Baimei's hands left Ranma's chest and wrapped around his back, pulling him in tighter to press his knee between Ranma's legs and sending a surge of pleasure up his spine. His fiancé's right hand slid down Ranma's back, slipping under the waistband of his satin blue boxers.

Ranma gasped and broke the kiss. "No," he protested. There were a lot of ideas that went with that word, a lot of reasons to say it, but they were too mixed up to put into an intelligible sentence: No, I'm not gay. No, I'm not ready. No, we have to get dressed. No, not as a guy. Not again this morning. He gazed up into Baimei's hungry, disappointed eyes. "Please?" he asked. Baimei _listened_ to what Ranma could not voice and earned Ranma's trust once again with an act that was profoundly simple, yet so rare among his fiancées: His tall, brown-haired fiancé smiled and gently let him go.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cologne clung to the top of her staff, on a stool, inside the open cooler. Her eyes rove over the shelves with their containers of sliced carrots, spring onions, lemon grass, cubes of tofu and many other vegetables as she methodically ran through her checklist in preparation for the noon rush. It was a bright and sunny Sunday morning and the flow of Nekohanten customers had steadily grown since their 11:00 opening. Now was the last chance to review the ingredients prepared that morning and everything seemed in order.

The door cracked open letting warm air in that rapidly added a hint of fog. "Telephone for you, Elder," Mousse called. "Sounds like Kuonji Ukyou."

"Tell her I will be there in a moment, Mr. Part-time, and get back to the kitchen," she answered. Mousse left as Cologne hopped off the stool and continued with a couple more hops to take her to the cooler's door. It was more difficult than it looked to open a heavily insulated metal door like that balanced only on her staff and she was proud she could still manage it.

Sounds of activity assaulted her ears the moment she pogoed out of the cooler. 'The subtlest of ki techniques are often the most miraculous,' she recited again, just as she had almost every day since learning to boost her faded hearing. 'Now, if only I could remember where I learned it from,' she thought. It was a long-running joke that never seemed to run out of fresh material. "Aaahahahahaaaa!"

Hopping over to the telephone on its stand by the stairs, she slid down her staff to pick up the handset. "Hello, Nekohanten, Cologne speaking."

"Heya," she heard Ukyou's voice on the other end, "Sorry about the late call, Granny."

"What can I help you with?" Cologne asked, wondering what was so urgent the young warrior felt she needed to call a rival's Elder. There was a faint clatter and more pronounced sizzling sounds in the background indicating Ukyou was trying to cook and talk on the telephone at the same time.

"Well… it's about Ran-chan. Actually, it's about Tendo Akane. I dunno. She came here last night an' she has a… a new fighting style."

"She does, does she?" Cologne prompted.

"It's… perverted," Ukyou said; the last word a harsh whisper.

Colognes blood ran cold. 'Please let this be a joke, Almighty Goddess.'

"She stopped by last night with a challenge. I, ah, I almost lost. Konatsu-chan pulled her off me. Fortunately, I _didn't_ lose so it's no big deal."

'She didn't lose but she had to call and warn me for the first time, ever? That girl is a hundred years too young to fool me,' Cologne thought. Aloud, she asked, "Tell me, was it a purely physical combat, or were special techniques used?"

Sounds of a spatula on a steel plate were her only answers for nearly half a minute. "She tricked me to get under my guard, y' know. Otherwise, she never could o' got close enough but, yeah, Granny, she used a perverted ki technique."

'Ah, what a waste,' Cologne thought in misery. 'A fine warrior like Ranma to be struck down by Happi's legacy.' "Where _is_ Ranma-chan, anyway?"

"I haven't seen him so he must still be at his omiai. Hey, you called Ran-chan by his name!"

Grinning at the microphone end of the handset, Cologne answered with a laugh and explained, "Ranma-chan's dabbling into her female side seems to have increased her intelligence _just_ enough to merit admission into the Joketsu. I understand you helped her plot Shampoo's defeat so I suppose I should do the same for you, too."

"Wh-what?"

"Stop by this evening and we'll make it official," Cologne answered in an easy tone. "Now, what's this about an omiai?"

"Ah, well, y' see, Ran-chan's parents were approached by the parents of some girl who turns into a guy, or something like that. I'm not sure I understand but the Saotome family is gone for the weekend. I thought it was just a day but I haven't seen him."

Cologne rubbed her temple as she tried to make sense of the situation. 'A cursed woman? Here, in this far-away land?' That did not make much sense. The odds were remote, though not inconsequential, that another Jusenkyou victim resides in Japan. She tried a different angle. 'Saotome Genma – All that talk about joining the schools and he takes Ranma to an introduction with another family on the same weekend Tendo Akane just happens to try seducing a rival.' It was too much a coincidence and Cologne knew Genma liked to stay on top of things, even if he was still an idiot. That would mean, however, Genma had serious reservations about Akane. Was she becoming a younger version of Happosai? 'I think I'll have to see the situation for myself.' To Ukyou, she replied, "Thank you for the warning, Ukyou-chan. I will pass it along to Shampoo and Mousse."

"Mousse? Yeah, sure. Better tell him, too," Ukyou said, almost as an afterthought and thereby confirming Colognes fear over how much of Happosai's habit had rubbed off on the youngest Tendo.

"Thank you very much for the call, young warrior, and do not forget to stop by, later." The two said their goodbyes and hung up leaving Cologne to ponder the latest adventures of Saotome Ranma and her friends. 'I keep missing all the really _good_ stuff! I can hardly wait to hear about it from the rest of the kids.'

Hopping her way back into the kitchen, she saw Mousse had a handle on the orders arriving from Shampoo. 'He _has_ kept his fool mouth shut the last couple of days.' As a reward, she told him, "Kuonji Ukyou said Tendo Akane has turned into a sex fiend like Happosai. If you want some of that action, you'd better hurry. Akane probably won't leave Ranma alone once our favorite redhead returns from meeting the young man her parents are introducing her to."

Mousses glasses promptly steamed over and the pointless, but funny, protests and curses began. Having wound Mousse up to see if he could still cook under a new kind of pressure, she hopped out to the dining area. "Shampoo, dear, I have some news you might be interested in." 'No sense setting a bur under one saddle without doing the other,' she thought. 'This ought to be worth a few laughs.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Baimei found Ranma in her grandfather's room with her mother and brothers in their male forms and Ranma's father in human form. Her sisters-in-law, she knew, were across the hall and over one door in Fumori's room watching J-League football while her father and grandfather went to have a word alone with the police inspector, Kahoru, or whoever was currently the most senior on duty at the Old Otani Hotel.

Led by the parents, the men stood when she entered and, like the women, were dressed in formal black kimono, except for Ranma, who wore a deep blue with a lighter grayish-blue obi and maroon obijime. His black hair was gathered back in a low ponytail. It reminded her vaguely of the set Ranma-chan first wore to the meeting. Baimei, herself, wore a golden yellow furisode with an intricate silver crane pattern around her legs. On her back, she knew, was the family mon, a stylized picture of their home island. The Saotome family had no mon but Baimei hoped Ranma would take hers in the not too distant future.

"Wow, you look pretty good!" Ranma said to her. It wasn't the nicest compliment but it was, "pretty good," and Baimei never really held too much hope for more. She was a stick with underdeveloped breasts and relatively narrow hips that her kimono thoroughly erased. Her fiancé, too, looked kind of like a teenage samurai lord not quite developed into a man. It was cute but not nearly as insanely sexy as his adult form. The fact that they both looked a little out of place helped even the playing field.

"You look good, too," she replied. Of course, Ranma would look a _lot_ better in a pleated mini-skirt, sailor-collared short top and white satin panties but that would be for later, she hoped, and made a mental note to check with the rental company to see if they had a schoolgirl cosplay set.

Within the Shimeru family, people relaxed and cuddled in their immature forms while their mature bodies were used for procreation and dealing with stressful situations like, for example, working for a living. Teenagers had low stamina and poor control over their adult forms but that would pass as they got older. 'I wonder if Ranma-chan will ever get control over her Jusenkyou transformation?' she thought. It would be inconvenient if she never gained the sort of control a Shimeru had but Baimei decided it was an acceptable price for him being a magical girl.

Her mother, Nikorin, who was currently her father, approached from one of the large, stiffly padded hotel lounge chairs and ran around the low table to gather her in a big, embarrassing hug. "Baimei-chan, you look so grown up!" he said in his rich tenor.

Well, the first thing Baimei thought of was the word "up," as sensitive as she was to her unusual height. 'Mom! You're embarrassing me!' she silently protested to him. Being rewarded with compliments and a hug like a child playing dress-up was _way_ un-cool in her book. 'I'm in _college_, already!'

Once the exuberant man who was her mother let go, Baimei turned a strained smile at Ranma. "So, Ranma-kun," she said, mindful of his current gender, "have my brothers been behaving?" She cast a dubious eye at the pair of trouble-makers she knew so well. Baisuke smiled graciously back and smoothly returned to his place on the room's loveseat, making a production out of crossing his legs over the knees and sitting properly. She took that as a, "I could have been worse," statement. Baito just shot her a raspberry and dragged his chair back down the hall to the desk by the window.

"The boys were fine," Nikorin assured her. "In fact, Ranma-kun was just telling us about his adventures in campfire cooking. Saotome-san," he said with a deferential nod to Ranma's imposing hulk of a father standing in front of the other lounge chair, "is quite confident in his son's ability to fend for himself and take care of your needs as well."

"Even if you have to eat bugs and snakes," Baito put in as he returned, "and munch leaves and berries from bushes." If Baito was trying to gross her out, he was doing a splendid job.

"Baito," Nikorin warned with a little steel in his voice.

"Hey!" Ranma protested. "It ain't like that at all. Pop an' I were hardly ever _that_ hungry. I was just talkin' about some o' the weirdest stuff we ate when we _were_. Usually, Pop finds us some odd job for a day, maybe two or three. We eat pretty good an' buy a bunch o' stuff for the road before heading out. And that's only when we aren't stayin' someplace for special training."

Still, Baimei didn't like even the thought of eating weird food and said so. "No weird food, Ranma-chan. We can afford plenty of normal food."

Ranma's father, Saotome Genma, adjusted his glasses and spoke for the first time since she'd walked in. "Baimei-chan is right, Boy. Bragging about foraging for scraps is unbecoming of a true martial artist," he scolded. "I taught you so you would never starve because a martial artist lives by his stomach but having nothing better to eat should be a _humbling_ experience." More politely to Nikorin, he added, "I regret I could not teach him better but I promise his mother will make sure Ranma can take care of your d-… son."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean, Old Man?" Ranma sourly demanded.

Baimei watched and listened helplessly as his fiancé and his father quarreled. 'Looks like Ranma has a snarky-side,' she thought but filed it away for later. 'Saotome-san _was_ rather impolite in his reprimand.'

Ranma's stout, muscular father crossed his arms inside his sleeves and widened his stance. "Hmmm, how should I put it?" Baimei noticed Ranma, too, widen his stance and ease himself away from his father. _"Ranma,_ your mother was already making plans this morning for your training. She well remembers your aptitude in the Tendo kitchen!" Baimei was taken somewhat aback by the man's forceful declaration when Genma pulled his hands out of his sleeves and pointed his right index finger alarmingly at Ranma. "Prepare yourself, Ranma, for you will be studying intensively under a _new_ master!"

"Shut up, already!" Ranma interjected, looking more defensive than she's seen, yet.

"Father," a new voice interjected and Baimei turned to find Saotome Nodoka behind wearing an inquisitive expression along with a kuro tomosode with a subtle cherry blossom theme, "what are you talking about?" Baimei moved to the side letting Ranma's mother pass and approach her family.

Genma cleared his throat into a hand and nudged his glasses back up. "I was just explaining to the boy how you intend to begin training him."

Nodoka blinked and turned to her son in confusion. Baimei thought she could actually _see_ Ranma's hair try to stand up in its loose ponytail as his mother's puzzled expression clarified with understanding. "Oh, my, yes, although it is probably not very proper discussing it like this, I believe it is time to prepare you for having your own family to take care of." The woman's smile widened with joy like a field of flowers in spring sunshine. "I want to teach you how to get the best deals on food and clothing, Ranma-chan."

"I-I already know that stuff," Ranma protested weakly.

Baimei saw Nodoka's smile falter and then reinstate itself. She rushed forward to envelop Ranma in a giant hug. "Oh, my little boy is all grown up!" she enthused.

"Mom, I'm not a boy, anymore, I'm a _man!"_ Ranma protested. Baimei stared, thinking of the irony in Ranma's statement and how his mother just happened to pull a repeat performance of what Baimei's _own_ mother did just a minute or two ago.

Nodoka separated and held both of Ranma's hands in hers before admonishing him. "For now, Ranma-chan, but this week when you are a young woman, we will begin training on how to maintain a house for your husband. Of course Father taught you what he could and he has done very well but you will need to know _many_ things about being a proper wife; things like how please a husband with food, not just your womanly affections, and how to be a mother _and_ a lady. We should go shopping, again, this week and pick out some nice clothes. I know a few stores with very nice clearance racks and we can also go through the maternity section so you have an idea what to wear in the various stages."

'Oh, boy,' Baimei thought, 'even _I'm_ scared, now.'

Baito snickered as he pressed his way toward the door. Her father, Nikorin, spied Baito's escape attempt and shrank to her adult form. "What a _wonderful_ idea," her mother purred while holding her kimono to keep everything in place until she changed back. "Why don't we go do some shopping, too, Baito-chan."

"Hey, Mom, I work," Baito said, hurrying out the door. "Why not take Baisuke, instead."

"Excellent suggestion – you will _both_ come with me, then," Nikorin declared.

From the open door beside, her grandmother poked her head in to call, "Ladies, gentlemen, are we all ready?" There was a general, though muted assent. "Dear?" she prompted toward her daughter-in-law.

Nikorin let go of her adult form and rejoined the ranks of men. Ranma turned from her own mother toward the door and Baimei noted the frightened-deer-look. "Hey," she said, trying to break him out of his shock, "I remember when Dad took me for a physical and _then_ we went shopping for men's clothes. I was fourteen, still thought I was a girl and had to try on styles my dad thought would be a good male image."

Ranma looked up and quietly mumbled the question, "Did he make you try on underwear?"

"Um, no," she replied in her own hushed voice.

"Then you _probl'y_ didn't suddenly turn back into a girl while wearing a jock strap in the change room an' have to hide from your dad and a salesman." Ranma whispered.

"Can we, um, talk about this later?" Baimei asked. Ranma's mother was still smiling, this time at the both of them. It was rather unnerving. Ranma developed a pensive look and she realized she'd put him off. "Later," she reiterated, "I promise but we have to go learn to do the tea ceremony." She took his hand and smiled, observing the touch of anxiety she'd noted ease a bit. "Let's go see if we can survive another family event."

Most of the two families had already filed out and gathered in the hall. The married couples paired up and they all headed toward the lifts, together. Baimei and Ranma let their parents onto the first lift. When the second lift arrived, they got in with Baisuke, Nibun, Baito and Fumori. "Hey," she whispered into Ranma's ear, "how do you hide in a change room?"

"Jump over the wall or cling to the ceiling," he whispered back as if impossible feats like that were an every-day occurrence.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kasumi was having trouble with her date. Tofu-sempai was nice enough but his silly antics were a bit off-putting to her sister and her date, Asada Mitsuaki. She smoothed her skirt as a distraction. 'What am I going to do with him,' she wondered. The four of them had just gotten a table at Ruiji's in the basement, they called it a "cellar," of a high-rise in Shinjuku after they met up at the station. Dark wood, deep red carpet with black European swirls and many shiny brass lamps and chandeliers created a decedent, foreign atmosphere. Once there, they had gotten a booth by the sunken, deeply tinted window looking up and out to street-level. She and Nabiki had gotten in first, opposite each other, followed by the men, so here she sat with Tofu on her left and as remote as ever.

The day had started in a rush to leave the house. Her youngest sister, Akane, had gotten herself into more trouble with her father than Kasumi ever remembered happening ever before to any of them. She still had a difficult time accepting the ease with which she'd gotten him to double their already large bribe to leave for the day. Twenty-thousand yen _a piece_ was quite a lot of money. The Tendo patriarch was usually a good deal more frugal except that lately he had been spending rather more heavily on cigarettes, his only real vice. The desperate apology he'd made to the caller on the telephone that morning instilled both dread and curiosity. 'What in the world did she do?' she wondered, not for the first time, today. Whatever it was must be very bad. It _had_ to be.

"So what are your classes like, Asada-san?" Nabiki asked her date to distract him from Tofu's odd whim to wear his cloth napkin on his head. The Italian restaurant was excitingly authentic. Nabiki had good taste and showed it in her choice for their late noon meal.

"I have two tough classes this term, accounting practices and international finance," Mitsuaki explained, tearing his eyes off the laughing doctor. "They _are_ pretty dry but I need them and they aren't as bad as the introduction to corporate tax laws or statistics."

"Oh, which is your favorite class, then?" Nabiki asked. Kasumi could hear the keen interest in her voice.

Mitsuaki grinned, answering, "Golf!" and mimicked swinging a club over the table. Kasumi's eyebrows rose mimicking her sister's before he added, "After golf, I think my favorite is international finance. I plan on helping my father at his trading company when I graduate."

The whole thing sounded quite uninteresting to Kasumi's ears but her sister was listening intently. "So… what's your _least_ favorite?" Nabiki asked.

The wiry, golden-tanned student with wild dark-brown hair leaned back in the faux leather booth bench and replied, "A year ago, I would probably have said English but I've taken so much of it in high school, and now college, that I can actually understand some of what real English speakers say. Even if it's hard, it's still a pretty valuable skill. My dad needs a translator but if I get good enough I might be able to handle negotiations, myself."

"What does your dad do?" Nabiki asked. Kasumi glanced at her own date. He was cleaning the lenses of his glasses with a corner of the table cloth, napkin neatly tied behind his head. He avoided her eyes once again while polishing his lenses.

'What am I going to do with him?' she wondered, now completely tuning out the conversation between the other two occupants of their booth. 'Maybe Nabiki could help…' A glance across the table found her sister's eyes fixed firmly on her date. 'No, I suppose not. She never helps me,' Kasumi thought with a mix of disappointment and sarcasm. While that was not _precisely_ true, her sister rarely volunteered to help her sisters. _Akane_ was more likely to notice she could use a hand and volunteer to put some effort into maintaining the house but her youngest sister was… less practiced at some things than others. With Nabiki, Kasumi had to make the request directly and that often became bothersome.

'Why is he ignoring me?' she thought in growing alarm. Tofu continued to stare, fixated, at his glasses while he rubbed them incessantly with the table cloth between his fingers. She wanted to yell at him but that would be impolite, something her youngest sister or Ranma might do. Instead, Kasumi slid her left hand over to his right thigh with what she thought would be a subtle hint to pay attention, particularly to her.

A soft, almost undetectable crack was all there was to hint that Ono Tofu had just broken his glasses. Kasumi wanted to cry, not for the glasses, but for their shared problem with his distraction. 'Oh, if only I could help him!' she cried out miserably in her mind.

An odd thought, surpassingly strange, really, came to mind, just then. 'Ranma! At the beach last weekend Ranma was there and helped calm him.' The more she thought about it, the more sense it made. Of all her sisters, granted Ranma was only a sister half the time, the energetic redhead seemed the only one that could, or would, help her get a handle on Tofu. An idea, many in fact, began to take form as she tried to console her boyfriend on the distracting fractures in his vision when he finally donned his spectacles.

"Are you all right, dear?" she asked, grasping his warm, thick right hand between both of her own. His glasses, crack and all, fogged in response. Kasumi glanced across the table to her sister, who rolled her eyes and smirked. Asada Mitsuaki returned a pained smile. To Kasumi, it looked as if she were alone in this battle but it would _not_ be for long. 'Please, help me, Saotome Ranma-chan. You are my only hope,' she thought desperately. 'Now, if only I had an R2 unit to send my message…' she wryly added.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Shimeru Baimei held the door for her fiancé as they entered the Old Otani's private entertainment complex. At least, that was the only way she could truly classify the varied rectangle set aside for special hotel functions. The entry way held low benches along the walls and a rack of pigeon holes for guests to exchange their footwear for slippers. It was, perhaps, unusual for floor of the change area to be the same as the area further in with the hardwood floor continuing seamlessly and unremarkably into the proper interior but that was a small oddity. After all, the restrooms branched off left and right from the entrance, too. It was a hotel and some concessions to architecture had to be made; especially for a mostly Western hotel.

Ranma easily stepped out of his geta, worn only for the walk from Grandmother Baiko's room to this point, and picked them up to place them in a cubby hole to await the short trek back after the day's event. Baimei did the same and the two of them joined their parents on the other side of the throw rug marking the unofficial border between simulated genkan and artificial engawa. The short entry ended in a "T" from which the path right led to the Western-style wing with its book shelves, artificial fireplace and broad windows to the central garden. The left path led to the traditional wing with open shoji facing the garden and its long, low tables, tatami and inspirational art hung on the fusuma, behind which most likely was a solid concrete wall. A woman in a blue and white business suit wearing a smart-looking pencil-skirt waited, smiling and patient to guide them to the left wing. This afternoon's event, however, would happen directly in front of her in the formal tea room.

Both families soon finished gathering. Her father, in female form, nodded to the hotel staffer (Baimei had no idea what her title or function might be outside of tour guide) and the young woman bowed to the group before leading them left to the corner. There, she directed the small parade down the short hall into the traditionally-styled party room, for that was what it was in today's incarnation, at least.

On the long, low central table running the length of the room was an endless supply of party snacks. She noted nothing expensive laid out, yet, though she had little doubt her father would not skimp on the delicacies, later. Spicy rice crackers with dried seaweed and soy sauce filled several small bowls along the table's length but the centerpieces were two baskets of sliced and skewered fruit, including slices of watermelon wedges arranged as if they were petals of a flower's open blossom.

A tug on her hand turned out to be Ranma. He guided her to a seat right in front of the farther artistic fruit basket. 'Is he drooling?' she thought, somewhat incredulously. Neither of them sat, yet, despite her fiancé's obvious interest, until the entire family was arrayed around the table. On the other hand, Neither of them budged a millimeter from their station and forced Nibun and Baisuke to split up at the end and sit across from one another. Baisuke shot her a look diagonally across the fruit bouquet that was hard to interpret until he snagged the basket and started pulling on it. "Hey!" she protested and grabbed the opposite corner to keep it stationed in front of her fiancé. Baisuke grinned. He was teasing her, again, it seemed. 'Will he _ever_ stop?'

Fumori sat down across from Ranma, joined by Baito across from her and Saotome Nodoka directly on Baimei's right. She decided to leave off and help herself to a slice of honeydew melon on a stick. The one she had her eye on disappeared before she could reach it. In fact, it vanished right before her eyes. Baito laughed but he did not have it. Baisuke was still smirking – it was not terribly hard to notice even with the watermelon wedge he was nibbling on.

"Amazing!" Fumori exclaimed snagging two kebabs of green grapes and alternating cubes of cantaloupe and honeydew. "I think I must have blinked and missed it," she said as she handed one kebab to her husband. Baito accepted the skewer with his left hand while half-trying to politely hide his grin with his right hand.

She turned to Ranma and found him offering the very wedge of melon she desired. "Ah…" was all she could think of to say at the moment and reached for it, again. This time, she could see him jerk it back out of her reach. "You! You took it!" she accused. Baisuke giggled so Fumori took his watermelon and took a big bite out of it. Baimei, though, was too busy being affronted by her fiancé to pay much attention.

Just as she was about to get a good indignation on, Ranma smiled cutely and _licked_ the melon, establishing his claim on it. Then, he smirked.

"Oh, so you'll lick _fruit_ too?" Baito asked as cattily as he could, which was quite catty, indeed.

Baimei took advantage of Ranma's momentary, slack-jawed distraction and relieved him of the stick of honeydew, sticking the end in her mouth before he had a chance to recover. It also gave her time to swallow not just the chunk she'd hurriedly bit off but the comment she'd been forming to gain further advantage. Ranma wasn't the only one who could be totally humiliated here and Baimei knew that saying just about anything was asking for trouble around her brothers.

She resolved right then to follow her sister-in-laws' examples and refuse to be drawn into a losing war of words. Ranma, meanwhile, plucked himself another spear of honeydew and used it to occupy his own mouth. No doubt in the futile hope of avoiding further teasing from her siblings.

"Ranma-chan, did you swallow?" Nodoka unexpectedly asked from Baimei's right side. Her tone of voice indicated she eagerly awaited his answer with barely contained excitement.

He started coughing in response, turning a deep red. Something must have gone down the wrong way. It _did_ happen rather often in her family, after all, and that was the story she'd be sticking with.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Akane paced around the dojo. The day had not gone well for her. Last night, she had found a… practice partner. 'Suzumi-sempai… what am I going to do with her?' she wondered. Last night, after Kuonji Ukyou's rejection, Akane had met Suzumi Tamao, an upperclassman who was _definitely_ interested in her. Akane had been flattered, more than flattered, in fact, and the two of them had indulged themselves. 'Not just ourselves,' Akane willingly admitted, 'we helped each other.' There had been magic in that intense overnight session. Whether dark or light, what they did had been powerful and Akane had learned far more than she would have thought possible. All of that ended abruptly early in the morning.

Her blood chilled at the memory of Tamao's father opening the front door in the gray, pre-dawn light, waking them both. "Who's shoes are these!" he'd yelled up the stairs before stomping his way up to the second floor.

Akane tried hiding in the closet while Tamao attempted to pull her toward the tiny window. He burst into her room without knocking and immediately assumed a fierce scowl while Akane leapt for her clothes. "I _told_ you I would not tolerate this behavior!" he said in a mind-bending cross between an angry scream and a quiet rage.

She shivered in icy fear at the memory. "Tamao-chan's dad…" She lacked the words to even _try_ stating just how mad he was. Akane found herself fearful for Tamao's very life and hoped she'd see her new training partner alive and unharmed at school on Monday.

"I love Tendo Akane!" Tamao screamed back at her father. Akane's breath caught when the upperclassman inserted herself defensively between Akane and her father but the act only served to harden his resolve.

"No more private girls' schools! No more public co-ed schools! I will _not_ watch you ruin yourself any longer!"

"Dad, I'm not _ruining_ myself! I love her! I love Tendo Akane-san! We were _made_ for each other!" Tamao cried in earnest.

That last scream of defiance crossed a line with Akane that she never previously suspected was there but could not do more than note the alarm. It was ridiculously difficult to sort her thoughts while sorting her clothes from Tamao's, being alternately defamed and, well, famed, in mad volleys of family disagreement. At the time, Akane's thoughts and priorities reduced to dressing and getting away. It took all of her courage to accomplish that much. Just getting by Tamao's father and his scathing scowl took away her breath as surely as any argument after a kilometer-long sprint would. Aside from that intense moment where his eyes had burned her to a figurative crisp, she remembered little of fleeing out of the room, down the stairs to scuff on her shoes, and taking off out the door toward home. Tamao's cries of rage and sobs of anguish bore down on her and hit harder than any previous opponent.

Even now, standing in her family's dojo, she could hear the shouts of accusation and defense ringing in her ears. Akane found her feet had stopped their pacing. She turned toward the wall scroll with its Iroha poem and knelt, placing her forehead on the floor, praying to her mother and other ancestors.

The door to the dojo slid open hitting the old wooden stop nailed into its track. She resisted the urge to see who it was. Only her father was around to open it so forcefully, so angrily. Master Happosai seemed to have nothing negative to say, anymore. 'He's been a lot nicer,' she considered. 'Dad's gotten… more sensitive.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma was thoroughly enjoying himself. 'These guys're _awesome!_' he thought as he listened to the Shimeru conversation. Baisuke and Baito weren't the only ones who could throw wisecracks. Baimei occasionally struck back but her attempts were deflected more often than not. Her brothers were pro's on another level of skill entirely. Despite spending more time discussing financial stuff, even Fumori and Nibun sparred with the guys. It was all very high-brow and polite but Ranma gained a deep appreciation for the subtle word-play and tactics used. For instance, Baito had something of a reputation as a reckless driver, which Ranma learned by way of an indirect jab. It started out with a comment Ranma still didn't get and ended in an abject lesson on the difference between classy, playful teasing and being an insulting commoner.

"So, little sis, how was your morning drive?" Baiskue asked.

"I hope you didn't get lost," Baito added.

Baimei colored, "It's not like I need a _map._ Shut up, already."

"Oh, the benefits of a college education, right, Fumori," Baito said to his wife.

Fumori quirked an eyebrow and responded, saying, "That depends on your field of study and how hard you work at it."

"Oh, yeah, Big Brother," Baimei said in an airy voice, "if you're going to drive off into a new field and blaze a path toward the future, you'd better work hard to leave your mark."

Their mother, Baijo, glanced to the side toward her middle child, sighed and shook her head before returning to the quiet conversation between parents. Baimei put a hand to his ear and whispered, "Baito ran off the road one time at night into a rice field – lucky it was September and it was dry."

Ranma gaped in amazement. "With a car?" he asked. Being able to drive a car was one of Ranma's secret little desires. Automobiles weren't just hugely expensive and glamorous things to own, they also went very, very fast.

"No, with my roller skates," Baito acerbically answered, crossing his arms for effect. Fumori slipped an arm around her husband in support but smiled just the same.

"And thus he had no roller skates for three months," Baisuke intoned.

Baito's affected sarcasm vanished as he replied in an off-hand manner, "Well, next time I'll be sure to get some bigger tires for better grip."

Baimei giggled and explained, "He got lost out in the country and decided to turn around on a narrow road between rice paddies and backed right into one."

"Hey, it's not like I did it on purpose," Baito protested. "When the rear wheels went over the edge, they pulled the whole car down. It was a _manual_. I couldn't get the clutch out in time."

Ranma grinned. It looked like Baimei and Baisuke had their brother on the run but the story just got funnier when Baisuke added, "So instead of walking over to the farm house and asking for a tow back up to the road, you decided to back all the way into the rice field and drive to the exit, where you got stuck, again, upsetting the farmer's wife enough so she called the police."

Baito stuck his nose in the air and sniffed. "She certainly wasn't being very neighborly."

Baisuke grinned. "And when the police came, you tried to hit on them. I wish I could have seen that."

"I'm glad you didn't, dearest Big Brother," Baisuke replied, sticking his tongue out at him for emphasis, "or I would never hear the end of it." Ranma laughed at that.

"My brother was male, at the time," Baimei told him with a grin of her own. "So were the police men."

Ranma burst out laughing as Baito pouted dramatically over his siblings' teasing. "I was a long day of classes at college and it was still hard, then, to stay in my adult form for more than six or seven hours."

An image of Baito's guy-side acting cute and sucking up to a couple of male cops painted itself in Ranma's mind. He almost burst a gut laughing so hard. "Dude, that's _gay!"_ he barked out between guffaws. The really funny thing was that he could see _just_ how that could happen.

After the laughter ran its course, he grinned back at Baito, whose smile had fallen noticeably to something more strained. Ranma realized he'd been the only one left laughing at the end. Everyone else he saw wore more of a wince than a smile and several, including Baimei and Nibun avoided meeting his eyes. Fumori rubbed Baito's back with the arm he had around him and broke her somber stare with Ranma to look at her husband. Nikorin was glaring at him while Baijo and Baiko studied the bits of fruit on their plates.

It was then Ranma realized he'd made a serious tactical error and pissed off not just his newest fiancée, but her family, too. He ducked his head as his face began to heat. "S-sorry." His right hand went to his neck and he fidgeted with his ponytail.

"Stupid boy!" his father bellowed.

"That was not very manly, Son," his mother joined in with a severe look on her face. "Baito-san is clearly married to the opposite gender. Apologize properly at once."

Ranma gulped looking around the table as some of the tension left; some but not all. Baito first laughed it off saying it was not a big deal and it sounded gay because that was what it was. Baimei was trying to console not Baito but Ranma and everyone else seemed to want to ignore his verbal misstep. The full awareness of his mistake washed over him like a tsunami.

He bowed and pushed his way back from the table, still on his knees, and bowed his head to the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he repeated. A part of him wondered at how he could do the Crouch of the Wild Tiger so easily and sincerely when the technique had rarely been used in all the time he'd lived with the Tendo family.

Meanwhile, he was forced to listen to comments of consolation like, "That's all right. You're still adjusting to changing, yourself." It was Fumori who'd said that as wife of the insulted Baito. Baimei was rubbing her hand in small circles on his back, also trying to console him.

Ranma kept his head down and eyes closed so he could think, as much as to beg forgiveness. 'Compared to these guys, I'm a complete idiot! The first thing I say to jump in and make fun of them like everyone else is a total ass-hat comment like that. Damnit!' Ranma pushed himself partway up but kept his head and gaze pointed at the floor while his mind churned with one realization after the other. 'All the stuff _I_ know how to say pisses people off. These guys can tease and dance around with the tiniest, most precise little pokes at each other without a single insult and the lightest thing I can think of to say is a total slam. When am I gonna learn to shut the hell up?'

People were still saying stuff to him, or maybe about him, but he hadn't paid the slightest attention. He finally lifted his head and looked around the table. He realized that pretty much everyone, except his parents of course, looked at him as if he was some little kid who'd been punished too hard for a mistake he wasn't smart enough to understand. His mother fidgeted and stared at the napkin laid across her lap while his father had his arms crossed while glaring at a bowl of assorted rice crackers.

"Sorry," he said, this time meeting Baito's eyes. "I'm… I guess I… I usually say stuff to get people to fight." Baimei felt his shame as he lowered his eyes again and muttered, "I ain't good at non-fightin' stuff."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

'You're good at a lot of things,' Baimei thought and began silently listing her favorite things that Ranma does like sex, protecting her from kidnappers, being a magical-person, and more sex.

Baito smiled more genuinely this time. "You were not raised as a Shimeru and my little faux pas is certainly more amusing now, than it was at the time. No harm done, Ranma-kun. It _was_ kind of gay."

Baimei opened her mouth to speak, again, just what, she wasn't quite sure but her mother, in male form, was quicker, still. "Ranma-chan," Nikorin began with a stern edge in his voice that Baimei easily recognized, "I understand you do not have the same biology as the rest of our family and you have only recently been exposed to some of our circumstances." Her mother paused to take a breath before laying down the law. Baimei was no stranger to her mother's law and found herself holding her own breath. "The concept of homosexuality is different within our clan. We rarely have family members _choose_ same sex marriages and even then, none have been purely of Shimeru heritage. It is not normal, compared with the rest of the human race but it _is_ for Shimeru. At the same time, every teenager in our family goes through a phase where they question their orientation and _experiment_. Normal society has a difficult time accepting this and that is one reason why we mostly keep to ourselves. Everyone in our family _hears_ about how homosexuals are strange and somehow defective, perhaps non-human. That only makes things worse for our children so please reconsider your own magic problem and how normal human social beliefs simply _do not_ apply the same way within our family.

"There is something else you should know about Shimeru if you accept my son's proposal," Nikorin continued. "It may seem incredible by social norms but Shimeru partners almost never separate, much less get divorced, and this is in comparison to traditional Japanese rates, not that of Western nations. For some reason we cannot fathom, spouses within our family are more attached to each other. It is not merely a difference of divorce rate. Something in our brains change once we get married and attached to our partner. Until we get married, Shimeru experiment with many partners, it is normal and expected by parents, but after a couple has been married for a little while, no one else seems as suitable a partner."

Baimei spied her female father clasp her male mother's left hand while he took a break from his lecture to sip a cup of tea. 'Where did the tea come from?' she wondered. 'Oh,' she answered herself. At the head of the table, one of the hotel's waiters was kneeling to pour and serve the family heads, first. At the room's entrance stood a young woman standing patiently and respectfully in a tea-green iromuji with a nut-brown obi and gray obi-jime. She appeared content to wait discretely until the discussion was concluded.

Nikorin carefully set his tea cup down and spoke to Ranma once more. "Our daughter is very interested in you, young man," her male mother said, perhaps a bit too loudly, "so if we allow a marriage, you will treat her right. Is that clear?"

Ranma nodded rapidly and gulped while Baimei marveled at her mother's ability to switch speech patterns with just a hint that an outsider may be listening. His point, though, was still as clear as day and Ranma seemed to have no trouble seeing it.

"Yes, m-father," Ranma meekly answered, and bowed until his head touched the table. "I promise."

There was a momentary pause as everyone paid their respects to her father's stately advice, or direct order depending on how thinly one sliced the meat of it. Finally, Baijo came to the rescue. 'Dad's _so_ much cooler about stuff than Mom,' she thought.

"Dear," Baijo said as if embarrassed at interrupting him, "I think the young lady recommended by the Ministry of Culture is here." Her father in female form smiled winningly at her husband.

"Oh, yes, of course," Nikorin said and stood from the table leading the rest of the group to their feet. Both families gathered toward the entry hall of the Old Otani Hotel's traditionally-styled entertainment wing. Baimei held Ranma's hand as she led him after their parents. Humiliating failure, or not, they would make it through this Tea Ceremony training and endure her brothers' gloating over whatever accidental impropriety she made and hoped Ranma-chan could do the same.

Thinking of Ranma, she noticed he stood behind his imposing father and no doubt was unable to see. She tugged on Ranma's left hand with her right. All she got out of him was a, "Noooo, why me?"

Shimeru Fusaki showed up with his beer gut for a second time. The family-ordained match-maker looked as if he'd had a decent night's rest. 'I don't think I like him,' she decided. Of course, he did not rate high enough in her father's eyes to gain a room on the same floor. The hotel staff, of course, might have explained it as their own fault for being unable to gain a block of rooms one larger. Baimei knew this was her father's way of rewarding someone for imposing on his bank account without doing much of anything in return.

Fusaki bowed deeply and moved to a side-position equally distant between her father and the young woman. He turned toward the woman and bowed quickly before turning to bow to Nikorin and, coincidently, her real father, Baijo. "Shimeru-sama, this is Daimonji Satsuki-sensei of the Miyakoji-ryu Chadou."

Ranma's hand twitched so she glanced at him to see what was wrong. He was grimacing. He also appeared quite comfortable standing behind his father. That wouldn't last more than the instant it took his mother to say in an emphatic whisper, "Ranma-chan, she's a real Tea Ceremony sensei! Why are you hiding back there? Come up front so you can see!"

Ranma's mother dragged him, forcefully, from behind his father who stood there imposingly with his arms crossed up inside his sleeves and Baimei went along for the ride rather than let go of her future wife' hand.

Nikorin, Baijo and Grandma Baiko bowed together. "Welcome, Daimonji-sensei," Nikorin replied. "I am Shimeru Nikorin. This is my wife, Baijo and my mother, Baiko. Please treat us kindly."

Daimonji-sensei bowed in return. "I am Daimonji Satsuki," she repeated Fusaki's introduction "Douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Her eyes darted Baimei's direction and lit with surprise but formalities delayed the answer for nearly twelve seconds.

Nikorin turned to Baisuke, who took the hint. "Shimeru Baisuke and my wife, Nibun," he said. "Douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu." The tea mistress bowed and greeted them in return.

Baito went next. "Shimeru Baito and Fumori; douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu, Daimonji-sensei," he announced and exchanged introductions with the teacher but Baimei's mind was on her own introduction. That is, until she remembered Ranma would have to do it. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and nudged his shoulder when his turn came up.

"Saotome Ranma of the Saotome-ryu Musabetsu Kakuto," he said and the words rolled off his tongue flawlessly. The next part, though, faltered. "Th-this is Shimeru Baimei… my f-fiancée. Douzo."

"Douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu," Baimei intoned for herself. 'What's got him so nervous?'

"Please treat me kindly," Daimonji-sensei returned. Then, she added, "It is very good we could meet again, Saotome-sama. I brought an old friend of yours." The teacher was smiling but Ranma was turning pale.

"Wow, Ranma-chan, you already know our teacher," Baisuke said, somewhat incredulously.

"Oh, my, yes," the teacher said, hiding a smile behind her sleeve, "Saotome-sama trained with my husband and my grandmother-in-law. She was their most promising student."

Ranma's father turned to give his son the universal, "What did you do and how much will it cost me?" look.

His mother rounded on him with a blinding smile. "Ranma-chan, you never told me you had trained in the Tea Ceremony!" It was actually an accusation but with the happy, glowing facial expression, Ranma's mother was hard to figure out.

Ranma's right hand went to tug on his ponytail in a sign she was rapidly learning was a fidget for stress-relief. "Ah, hi, Daimonji-san, how's things going with your husband? Is he coming here, too?" he asked in a voice strained with tension.

"That is _so_ nice of you to ask, Saotome-san. Everything is going really well and we are expecting a new member to the family this fall!"

'She's pregnant! I wouldn't have guessed,' Baimei thought. 'She doesn't look, you know, pregnant.' Not that Baimei would ever have to worry about that but she had very little experience with pregnant people. Neither of her brothers was pregnant, despite the hints her parents dropped, and Baimei had, fortunately, used enough protections to avoid any unplanned responsibility to his old girlfriend.

The Saotome parents finished the introductions and Baimei thought they would head right into the room currently closed off with fusuma, the chashitsu or tea room, and begin learning to make tea. She was wrong; very, very wrong.

Daimonji Satuski smiled pleasantly and said, "And now I would like you all to meet my school's foremost student and expert practitioner, Miyakoji Sanae-han!" The tea teacher swept her right hand out to the side and an incredibly short and elderly figure shuffled into view wearing a small copy of Satsuki's kimono. Ranma palmed his face with his right hand.

"Gu-ga!" the furry-faced little old lady said.

Daimonji-sensei, if Baimei could honestly believe that a woman who looked younger than herself had earned teacher-status, gave a special welcoming bow to Ranma. "Saotome-san, my grandmother-in-law talks about you every day!"

Ranma peeked between his fingers and asked, "She does?"

"Why, certainly! She likes to talk about how absolutely adorable you look in a bridal kimono and how you trained tirelessly to challenge my little Sanae-han for my husband's favor and the honor of her family school of Grappling Tea Ceremony."

"A- no- it wasn't like that," Ranma protested and covered his eyes, again, to shrink behind his father.

"You wore hanayomesho?" his mother asked excitedly. "You were a young lady, then, right?" she asked with more of an edge.

His father turned around and looked down on Ranma, slipping a hand from his sleeves to adjust his glasses. "More importantly, did you beat the monkey?"

Ranma's hand dropped from his face and he looked defiantly up into his father's weighing gaze and answered, "Oh yeah, I _spanked_ that monkey's ass an' had her pinned to a tree." Someone strangled a laugh behind her and Baimei knew Ranma would regret that comment.

"That's odd," Satsuki said with a puzzled and entirely false expression. "I heard it was a draw."

"That's because Sentaro-san opened an umbrella right in my face just as I was about to land the coup de grâce on your monkey!"

"You tried to _kill_ her monkey?" Baito asked.

"What? No!" Ranma protested. "I was only tryin' to, you know, defeat it, or something!"

"Coup de grâce is supposed to be French for death-touch, or something!" Baito quibbled, clearly and intentionally leading the conversation away from its original topic, as her brother often liked to do.

"It means mercy-kill," Fumori pointed out.

'And now, everyone is a little better at France,' Baimei thought wryly.

"You were a girl, then, were you not?" Nodoka repeated.

"Yes, Momma," Ranma answered.

"And you dressed all by yourself, or did you have help?" Nodoka asked sounding more excited by the idea of Ranma dressing as a bride than she was over the answer.

Ranma stopped and developed a far-away look. "Hey, who _did_ dress me after I drank the paralysis-tea an' got knocked out?" His eyes settled back on Daimonji-sensei and narrowed. "Next time I see him, I'll kill him."

Baimei's eyes widened while the teacher's eyes narrowed. The other woman nodded curtly and Baimei panicked. "Ranma, you can't just kill him like that, right?"

"Why not? He tried to kill _me_."

"I had not heard about _that_," Satsuki put in.

"He poisoned me and tried to kill me with a spoon while I was paralyzed so he could marry Tendo Akane!" Ranma said, the memory apparently lending steam to his rant.

"Wait," Satsuki interrupted in surprise, "why did he try to do that? I thought the two of you were close from all the training you did?"

"Close! As soon as I showed him I was a guy he was like, 'Oh, well, might as well be a jackass about it.'"

"Ranma!" his mother interjected. "Language!"

"Well, it wasn't a clear defeat so I'll allow it," his father mused as he scratched his chin.

Baimei turned toward her family, all of whom looked as if they were thinking the very same thought she was. 'Are these people for real?' She returned her attention to Ranma. "You… you wouldn't really have killed him, would you?"

He started in surprise at her question and relaxed. "Naw but I would have hurt him. He was def'nitly a jackass tryin' to marry anyone he could to avoid marryin' Sanae."

Shaking her head, she wondered if she'd heard that right. "Sanae, the monkey?" Her gaze drifted over to the well-dressed and well-trained snow monkey.

"He thought Sanae was Satsuki-san," Ranma explained and that made even _less_ sense.

"Ki-ki," Sanae added making it sound as if she, or it, agreed.

Daimonji-sensei coughed into her hand and donned her tea-master persona. "Camellia sinensis, or tea, was first brought here from the west nearly one thousand, two hundred years ago by the Buddist monk, Eichuu, upon the return from his travels of enlightenment. It was said to hold great and mystical health benefits and still does to this day.

"The practice of making and drinking tea evolved over the next four hundred years to the first record of ground tea whipped into a foam by the monk Eisai. From then, maccha, the carefully tended ground leaves at the tips of camellia sinensis, became a luxury of the Emperor's family, ruling Lords and other wealthy nobles. In chadou, honor may be given without words and taken without swords.

"For a while, tea was limited to the ruling class but that changed during the Muromachi bakufu when the Ashikaga shoguns ruled. By the end of the period, the modern tea ceremony was well established and, over the following centuries, became available to those who could afford it rather than being restricted as a privilege and symbol of status.

"Takeno Jouou and his student Sen no Rikyu formalized the philosophy of chadou with the concept of ichi-go ichi-e explaining that each meeting is something to be treasured. The core of today's cha-no-yu still honors the gods with four, key virtues: harmony, respect, purity and tranquility-"

Ranma raised his hand interrupting the fascinating history lesson. "Yes, Saotome-san?" the teacher prompted.

"Is that why you throw four tea spoons at once from your hand?" he asked

'What?' Baimei wondered.

"Chashaku are not tea spoons, Saotome-san," Daimonji-sensei answered.

Ranma pouted.

"Ki-ki-ki," Sanae added with a lidded look at him. Ranma glared back at her in return. Baimei wanted to ask but thought better of it.

Forging onward, Satsuki said, "The Daimonji clan established various schools from 1587, Western calendar, before settling on chadou in 1613 as a… public school. My former clan, the Miyakoji emigrated from the West in 1581 and took up service under Nobunaga Oda as ministers of Tea Ceremony with my ancestor Miyakoji Gensai and later transferred to the court of Tokugawa Ieyasu where we taught and performed the cha-no-yu with subtlety and distinction."

"Hmmm… So you were shinobi," Genma mused. "I see, I see." Baimei felt the blood drain out of her head as the man turned a critical eye on Ranma. "It's a good thing you didn't marry that boy, Boy. I would have forbidden it. Genin families are just too touchy about various thing."

"Hel-_looo_, U-chan."

"That was different," his father protested. "I never intended to take that one seriously."

Reeling from one bizarre and alarming revelation after another, Baimei still perceived that Ranma's quiet shaking, balled fists and purpling complexion was a sign of impending apoplexy. "Hey, hey, hey," she interrupted and gave him a hug. "Let's just relax and have some tea, all right."

"I think you are mistaken," Satsuki gently interjected. Placing a hand on her monkey's head, she explained, "We are not any of those things you mentioned and we do not understand what you are saying." Smiling vacantly, she told them, "These are not the droids you are looking for."

"Ahem!" her grandmother cleared her throat and gave the discussion's participants pointed stares.

"Oh!" Satsuki exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand. "Well, then, I believe it is time to change the venue for our lessons." Shuffling forward, she led Sanae past a wide-eyed Baisuke into the Eastern-styled, washitsu wing of the hotel's private meeting area where they had previously been relaxing and snacking. "If everyone would please follow me," she said, extending an inviting hand toward the group and motioning to the door leading to the central garden. "Ochakai is a shorter version of the full ceremony, the chaji, which can take several hours and involves an elaborate meal beforehand. Today, we will practice the ochakai. It will begin with tranquility, for one's mind must be at peace."

Upon reaching the open shoji to the room's hardwood outer walkway and garden beyond, Daimonji-sensei pulled a pair of sandals from somewhere in her sleeves knelt on the engawa's edge to place them on the step below. Baimei, like everyone else, gamely followed. Satsuki nodded to her pet snow monkey and slid her legs around and over the edge so she could put the waraji on. Sanae made a startling jump straight from the edge of the wooden platform into the central tree. "Gu-ga!" she cried.

Baimei and Ranma found themselves jostled to the front, whether her brothers or their parents were the culprits she didn't know but figured they were all likely suspects. On the step below they found a basket labeled, "waraji," filled with folk shoes masquerading as lumpy, oblong, flattish presents. The wrappers were colored in yellow, red and green to indicate size, though most by far were yellow and that was the color she chose. She tore the delicate paper revealing a pair of old fashioned straw slippers. "These are medium sized," she unnecessarily explained as a hint that Ranma should probably pick out the same.

He did choose a yellow package and quickly had the waraji unwrapped and on the step beside her while she took a moment to examine, and blink at, the unfamiliar footwear. A small, yellow, cloth bow was tied in the thong of each shoe, if the half-finished slipper could be called that much. The weave of the base was very course and the thong was actually part of a pair of long and equally rough-woven straw laces.

"Get moving, sis," Baito broke in on her inspection. "We don't have all day," her brother chided.

"You can look at them later, dear," her male mother added.

"Don't just stand there, Boy, help her out," Genma grumped.

She sat down on the edge of the engawa and held the crude shoes up together. "Which one is which?"

"They're the same," Ranma answered moving to stand in front of her and Baimei realized he already had his straw shoes on. The laces were wrapped around his ankles and tied off. Before she could figure out how he tied his own shoes, he took the pair in her hands and picked up her right foot. She felt like a little girl, again, watching as Ranma seated the thong between her toes and used his leg to hold her foot and shoe in place while he tied it off. Baimei blushed. If Ranma felt like taking care of her like this, who was she to argue?

He finished her left foot and held out his right hand. To normal people, this may have looked gallant. To a Shimeru, the gesture was more complicated. Ranma was quietly, happily serving Baimei while maintaining an image of a husband taking care of his wife. Strangely enough, it made Ranma out to be a dutiful wife catering to her husband's every desire. Baimei suddenly felt hot and wished for a private place to change into her adult form and show Ranma just how much he appreciates her public service.

In the end, they stood a little ways back on the path around the central tree. The waterfall trickled and bubbled down the tiered concrete planter-wall somewhere behind while the rest of the families took turns donning their own waraji. Soft strains of a shamisen floated down from the tall, twisted pine taking center stage in the garden. Daimonji-sensei stood serenely waiting for everyone to gather on the path winding around the tree. Beyond her, toward the base of the U-shaped layout joining the Western style wing with the Eastern, was the tea room. It had been open, yesterday, but today it was completely closed by fusuma except for a small-looking hole in front of the step. The edge of a hanging lantern inside hinted at light in the otherwise dim cave built out of the formerly open area.

Nibun led Baisuke closer. Baisuke stared open-mouthed up into the tree. "I know our parents are dying to ask but does that young woman know about your curse, Saotome-san?" she asked while her "husband" gaped up at the musical monkey.

Ranma, who had not let go of her hand, fidgeted with his ponytail and answered, "Satsuki-san, yeah, she probably knows. Her husband's a total jackass." He let go of his hair and rubbed his chin, making himself look like a miniature, almost comical, version of his father. "The only time she ever saw me as a guy was when I was readin' the note on their wedding sittin' on the Tendo's engawa and they rode their horse up and stepped on my head."

"They _stepped_ on you when they got off their horse?" Nibun asked as alarmed as Baimei felt.

"No, they didn't get off their horse, impolite asses" Ranma sourly answered, "an' Sentaro took his sweet time getting it to move its hoof."

"Incredible," Baisuke gasped as the Saotome parents approached.

"If you think _that's_ incredible, you should have seen how those two instantly fell in love with each other once Sentaro figured out Satsuki wasn't the ugly Sanae," Ranma complained.

With a sour note, the shamisen faltered and something darted out faster than she could follow.

"Oh, Ranma-chan," his mother enthused, "is that a chashaku you have there?"

"This?" Ranma asked, examining the stick in his hand with its tiny flat scoop on one end.

"Where did you get that, Ranma?" Baimei asked. Events seemed to leave her further behind with each passing moment.

Ranma looked up into the tree. "Stupid monkey," he growled.

"Dear, have you ever heard of a monkey trained to play a shamisen?" Baisuke asked Nibun uncertainly.

Those who had not already been staring up into the tree did so. That included Baimei. Between the bent branches and pine needles, Daimonji-sensei's trained monkey sat on a large limb with a shamisen in its lap. Her eyes widened as she watched it fit a stick that could have been a spoon for the tea ceremony midway up one of the strings. It was pointing her direction.

"Oh, my," Nodoka said sounding disappointed, "that wasn't a very lady-like thing to do. And Sanae-san seemed like such a _good_ monkey."

"It probably gets cranky without a banana," Genma mused, eyeing the creature.

The shamisen shifted direction, twanged and another one of those slim, wooden, tea spoons appeared between two of Genma's fingers. "No, she's not a very nice monkey at all," Nodoka sadly decided.

"Where did the samisen come from?" Nibun asked.

"If I could have everyone's attention," Daimonji-sensei announced with a clap of her hands. Baimei could swear she spied Ranma slipping the spoon up a sleeve of his kimono. "Shimeru Nikorin-sama has requested that his daughter, Shimeru Baimei-sama, and iinazuke, Saotome Ranma-sama, be taught the traditional tea ceremony." She turned to face the nervous Baimei and the fidgeting young man beside her and bowed.

Of course, Baimei and Ranma were forced to return the favor. "Please treat us kindly," she replied and Ranma echoed it.

Daimonji-sensei smiled back. "After the newly engaged have practiced with each other, they will both have an opportunity to serve their parents." She extended her left arm toward the tiny entrance. "Chawan have been provided and each guest may take one home. All have similar design yet no two are identical. Those serving must choose the bowl to present but, once a person has a bowl, it will be reused throughout the afternoon. Please keep track of your own chawan because it will have been selected for you by the newly engaged."

'Ah, this is too much pressure!' Baimei raged in her head. 'I have to learn to make tea _and_ pick out bowls for everyone?"

"As you have noticed, the entrance to the chashitsu is small. To enter the tea room, one must humble one's self. This helps to attain the proper frame of mind for the chaji. Chadou is about harmony, respect, purity and tranquility. This garden," Satsuki said, sweeping her right arm in a wide arc, "is here to help your meditation on these four foundations of the art. The washitsu you entered from may represent wa for it was made to promote harmony of a group. Behind you is the water garden. Please reflect on sei and let the water purify your intentions. To your left is the youshitsu. You may view this room as a place where Western religions afford tranquility to those who have dedicated spirits. Jaku is easier to find than to keep. Finally, the chashitsu is a room where respect is given. To serve another correctly in the tea room, kei must be given sincerely.

"Ordinarily, the one who serves will prepare the fire and the water. This is an important part of the chaji because, while tea and water are instant in modern times, respect is not. The effort of preparing the ceremony includes careful selection and preparation of everything used to make the tea, the tea itself, the setting, the bowl to give, the clothes to wear, even the water used. Today, Sanae-han and I will make the arrangements to allow each of you time to consider the principles of cha-no-yu.

"Shimeru Baimei-sama and Saotome Ranma-sama, please use the brief time you have before beginning training to meditate on the four principles of the tea ceremony: harmony, purity, tranquility and respect. After I have gotten Sanae-han started on the preparations, I will come see how you fare in your meditation."

Daimonji-sensei then turned her attention to the tree. "Gu-gaaa!" she called in a lilting voice. Her monkey leapt from the tree into her arms and Satsuki carried Sanae and her shamisen to the small tea-room's entrance where she let it down gently. The kimono-clad snow monkey with a flower in its hair and shamisen in hand eagerly scampered inside. Satsuki stooped by the step leading up to the chashitsu and withdrew a wooden bucket from behind a shrubbery. It appeared to be overflowing with charcoal. Satsuki dusted off the bottom and held it inside the entrance until a furry little hand accepted it.

"How come the monkey doesn't have to bend over to get inside?" Ranma complained morosely beside her.

Baimei was still wondering why there was a monkey at all but it occurred to her that her iinazuke's question was a little bit silly. She resolved, though not without a struggle, not to take advantage of his slip. "That's just how monkeys are, dear." Still, he was showing a competitive streak with their teacher's pet and that worried her. 'He can't possibly be bitter over being taller than that animal, can he?'

She tugged him by the hand back toward the waterfall. As they retreated, she heard Baito mutter, "I wonder if this is what it feels like to get kidnapped by space people."

"Don't be silly, Little Brother," Baisuke replied incredulously. "There's no such thing as aliens."

Ignoring her brothers' byplay, she concentrated on putting the tree between her and Ranma and everyone else. "Ranma," she whispered once her back was turned toward the tree, "is that monkey safe?" They stood together, Baimei on the left and her fiancé on the right.

Ranma's face puckered from his sour expression. "Definitely not," he answered. Scratching his neck behind his low ponytail and staring into the shallow pool surrounding the cascading waterfall made by the tiered wall of planters, he said, "If I could just think of a way to outsmart her…"

"Daimonji-sensei?"

He twirled a finger through his ponytail. "Her, too."

Baimei paused a moment to reassess the situation. The bounds of sanity had been breached somewhere and she would have to bring some common sense back into play. "Ranma-chan, we are here to learn how do perform a tea ceremony. Let's just focus on doing that." She squeezed his left hand in her right to let him know she was there. 'Today is about _us_ and our families, nothing else.'

They turned to face each other. Ranma looked up into her eyes and his pensive demeanor transformed into a tired smile. "I s'pose," he agreed, breaking eye contact and returning his attention to the small waterfall trickling down the concrete wall filled with planters.

"Ranma?" she prompted. There seemed to be something wrong – something on his mind. "Is it… still bothering you, from before, I mean?" Rather than answer, he squat before the tiny pond and extended a finger, almost touching the water, before pulling away. She joined him, placing an arm over his back. "Hey, super-girl," she teased, injecting as much kindness as in her voice as she could, "hey, miracle-boy, don't sweat your comment earlier too much. In our family, what normal humans call 'gender-confused' is an every-day occurrence." She slid her hand up his back to knead Ranma's neck behind his ponytail hoping it would restore his calm. "You had us worried a moment that _you_ carried the same beliefs about changing gender a normal homophobe might and it's not like Baito hasn't been verbally poked in a sensitive place before. He and Baisuke and I really used to go at it." Baimei sighed, giving Ranma a one-armed hug. "You just started changing gender this past year and you didn't have _anyone_ who understands to support you." She let a momentary lull in conversation fall between them.

"I was a jerk," Ranma said. "I was sayin' the same stuff I hear at school – the same crap I hear from Mousse. I'm always doin' that stuff. Sometimes it pisses me off how I always say the wrong things. I _know_ I shouldn't hurt people but I still do."

Wondering silently how bad the rough side of Ranma's tongue could be if they married, Baimei had no immediate answer. 'How _does_ a person change?' She wondered. 'My brothers are still annoying trouble-makers. No, that's not entirely true. They _have_ gotten better, _smarter,_ about it.' Thinking on her own reactions, she decided, 'I guess I haven't had to yell at them as much as I used to.' A leap in logic, critical thinking and, maybe, a half-remembered lecture from her parents presented _an_ answer if not a solution. "I think that you will get better at being nice, dear. It isn't easy to think of the right things to say and stop saying the wrong things. It takes practice. Look at me, _I_ still say the wrong things, sometimes, and it feels like I've made almost no progress since graduating high school."

Ranma ducked his head and his shoulders shook. "You're _way_ better at bein' a man than I am," he choked out.

She sighed again. "What are you so down about?" she asked, shuffling her feet where she squat to better face him. Baimei removed her left hand from her lap and used it to pull Ranma's face around. It was turning red and splotchy with moisture growing in the corners of his eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked in growing alarm. "Tell me, _please._"

Eyes pressed firmly shut, Ranma managed to say, "It's so fast. Everything is so fast."

Spying an open bench in the corner between the garden wall and the Western wing, she stood, drawing Ranma up with her, and led him over there to sit down. She kept her right arm around him and captured his left hand in her own left. It sure seemed to her like this was a major family crisis. "All right, now," She told him in soft tones. "Please tell me what is going too fast. Maybe I can help slow it down. If it's the engagement you're worried about, we just met and got engaged. It's not like we won't have time to get used to each other and our new families."

What Baimei hoped was _not_ the problem was how rapidly they had become intimate and did this and that together. In any case, she would not bring _that_ subject up because there was no way she was ever going to regret any of it. Ranma was hotter than the oil in a deep-fryer. It was hard not to think about doing _it_ even now. That thought made her feel a little guilty. After all, the two of them were supposed to be meditating. 'Ranma's upset and I keep getting distracted.' She hugged him tighter and resumed rubbing her fiancé's neck.

The moment soon passed and he leaned back on the bench to stare at the sky. "Y'know," he said, "up until yesterday, I was a hundred percent guy. Now, I ain't so sure."

That caught her attention. "Yesterday? Are you sure?" It seemed the conversation was heading straight in the direction she was hoping to avoid.

"No," he said a moment later.

Now, Baimei was confused, again, but she quickly made a leap in understanding. "When I started changing, I still thought of myself as a girl and I _knew_ I would end up being a man. Most people would totally have an aneurism even _trying_ to understand a Shimeru. Did you know most girls, including me, had dolls, dresses and girlfriends, read shoujo manga and listened to boy-bands. I even had a poster of a male idol singer despite my brothers' teasing. At the same time, my parents were always on my case about being more responsible, studying harder and participating in sports.

"They knew what I would be going through and they helped – they help a lot – but it didn't change the fact that I had more experience being a girl than I did a man. Sound familiar? Except for all the help I got preparing me for the change, you're in the same situation in reverse."

"So, what, am I going to turn into a real woman?" Ranma asked. He sounded so forlorn it made her heart ache. "What if I… what if I'm not a man anymore?"

"Hey, look at me, Ranma," she answered, 'I'm a woman right now and you're a man right now. Shimeru change all the time, every day. I'm going to college as both but when I graduate I'll have a job only as a man. Baimei-the-woman, a worn-out office worker is who you'll see for supper every night. It's not easy for me to maintain my adult form for hours on end; not yet, at least.

"The clan tries to help the younger generation until we're old enough to cover for ourselves. That's a huge task all by itself. They'll help cover for you, too, you know," she added. More introspectively, she considered his particular situation. "Your problem is you can't control your change. If you can't do that, we have to be careful."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for example, Nibun and Baisuke liked to go out when Nibun was in training at a hospital in the East side of Itabashi-ku. Nibun had these long, long days and, even with hidden Shimeru break-rooms, he had to stay a guy almost all day. Baisuke worked hard, too, at her school but did not have to stay a woman nearly as long as Nibun had to stay a man. Baisuke said they once went eight dates in a row where they were both in their immature forms the whole night because Nibun was too tired." Baimei shook her head, as much to clear her thoughts as to clear the thoughts of her sister and brother-in-law having sex. 'Don't need to know. Don't want to know.

"Anyway, the point is, we are not strictly male or female the way normal humans are. We are male _or_ female. Aaah~! It's frustrating even _trying_ to explain so don't think you have to figure this out alone." She gave Ranma another hug, for emphasis, not just because she liked holding him, and, amazingly enough, he leaned over and laid his head in her lap facing out toward the pine tree. 'Wow, this is familiar. I wonder if I'll get laid, tonight.'

She fiddled with the wisps of hair around his temple before noticing something disturbing. "Hey! Don't sleep, yet!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

While standing around talking casually, waiting for the Daimonji-girl and her pet to finish their preparations, Genma decided that standing around lacked a certain quality, like, for instance, sitting. 'I can fix this,' he decided. 'I have the skill and the determination.' To the Shimeru parents and grandparent, he said, "Excuse me a moment," and strode toward the bench in the back corner between the washitsu and water garden. He noticed the kids, _his_ kids, quietly talking. Ranma's posture showed he was upset but the Shimeru girl seemed to have it under control. 'Good,' he thought. That was one more point in her favor Tendo Akane could never quite win.

"Hrmph," he snorted in irritation. 'Either Akane-chan, or Ranma, always seem to make these situations worse. They both need maturing.' Genma picked up the bench he'd come for and carried it back to place it at an angle next to the step from the garden to the Eastern wing.

"Excellent idea, Saotome-san," Baiko said and turned toward her grandkids. They took the hint and went to retrieve the other two benches. Soon, the adults had formed a square for seating and Genma took the initiative to wave the three elder Shimeru toward the engawa. Now, everyone had a seat. He and Nodoka sat on the bench he'd moved. It faced the tea room and had the engawa and Shimeru parents on the right. Baito and Fumori sat on the left leaving Nibun and Baisuke opposite.

"Any news from Inspector Kahoru?" Baito asked breaching the topic of last night's failed kidnapping.

Baijo shook her head briefly and sighed. Nibun answered, "The truck was stolen from the laundry company's repair garage and wasn't reported until later this morning after the mechanics and management confirmed it wasn't just misplaced. The police have not recovered the vehicle, yet."

"It's a shame we don't have the assailant," Fumori commented, crossing her arms and glaring at the ground. Baito nudged her with his elbow and she followed his glance back toward Genma. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that! I am _very_ grateful Ranma-kun was there to protect Baimei."

Genma refrained from commenting even as his ego lifted from the comment. Nodoka's chi shown with the joy echoed on her face. "The boy is still young and lacking in judgment," he said even as his wife thanked the Shimeru for their compliments of her son's manly behavior causing more than one of them to shift uncomfortably on their bench seats.

"I suspect she made the right decision, in any case," Baijo said in a heavy tone. "The real motive was probably Shaft Enterprises trying to get control of Dad's company. We might not have found out if the female kidnapper did not think she and her partner had our son."

Baiko reluctantly nodded her head in agreement. "Takamatsu and his group are probably in the air right now on their way to a scheduled meeting in Hamburg, West Germany. He and his staff reserved suites for Thursday through Sunday and a conference room all day, Friday and Saturday. There is no evidence to indicate their intent was blackmail but I cannot help but be suspicious."

"I do not understand," Nodoka said, the confusion plain in her voice.

Nikorin explained from his place on the near end of the engawa. "They made reservations and requested the conference room just this past Tuesday. That is not what I would call advance notice. The pilot of their corporate jet filed his flight plan on Wednesday, which is entirely normal and consistent itself. What really disturbs me is how he was able to get some of the suites on the same floor as us. I plan to ask the inspector to look into the reservations and the hotel staff who made them."

"You think they had help inside, Mom?" Baisuke asked in surprise. "This hotel…"

Nikorin held up a hand to forestall him. "Yes, I know this is a family hotel but more than half the staff are people from normal families."

"I guess it _is_ a public hotel," Baisuke said before sighing.

Baiko caught Genma's eye and explained, "The Old Otani Hotel is a public hotel but it is family-owned and staffed by a lot of family members. Most of them use assumed names like Inspector Kahoru and his staff do. It keeps people from wondering at the large number of Shimeru but do not expect every hotel to be secretly run by our family. There are only a few and this is the only one in Tokyo. We are a big family but not nearly so big we can fully staff a hotel or a police department."

"In any case," Baijo said, "this hotel was supposed to be safe for family use and there are signs that safety is deeply compromised. It may just be because Shaft is a powerful multi-national company, it does have a history of aggressive acquisitions, or it may be an unfortunate coincidence. We just have to be more careful, that's all."

"Right, sooo…" Fumori said slapping her knees, "how about those Swallows?" The family physician abruptly changed topics to Tokyo's baseball club, the Yakult Swallows.

Hopelessness colored Nibun's response. "They were awful last year and they'll be awful again in eighty-seven."

"The Yomiuri Giants have the best shot again this year," Baiko said as a matter of virtual fact.

"What do you think, dear?" Baijo asked Nikorin.

"Taiyo Whales all the way," he crowed raising his fist to the sky.

Genma groaned, inwardly. 'Bored again,' he thought as his interest quickly waned. 'The only thing even remotely challenging about baseball is stealing bases when the players try to run you down and throw exploding or spiked baseballs…'

His mind wandered down memory lane to the last martial arts baseball game he'd played in. He and his opponent, Kurobana Yoichi, the Black Flower of Baseball were the only players left standing in the bottom of the eighth inning. There were two men on first but both were slumped over the bag after tagging each other out. It was just Genma and Yoichi and Genma was at bat. All he had to do was fly the ball over the Black Flower into center field and run straight for third base. His team mate already had first base covered and Genma had stolen second in the fourth inning and was using it to shield his right arm in case the pitch broke through his guard or blew up the bat. His eyes narrowed as Kurobana's hands disappeared behind his back to make sure Genma couldn't see the kind of English he would put on the ball-

"Anata? Wake up, dear," Nodoka's voice insistently called. A nudge into his shoulder brought his head up with a jerk. Motes of soft fuzz swam around the inside of his head and he yawned, causing Nodoka to cover her own gaping response.

The first thing he noticed was Fumori had ceased discussing girly baseball and disappeared with Baito. He shook his head to clear out the strange impression of a family of female baseball fans when it made more sense knowing they were really the men. Except, of course, that it was ordinary baseball, which was girly enough with its rules regarding personal contact and even foul language. 'If you can call a ball foul, why not call the umpire's set foul, too?' Genma thought, perversely, but he knew regular baseball was a gentleman's game and never be better than girly for its highly-regimented play.

"Are you awake, now, dear?" Nodoka asked. "Daimonji-sensei called Ranma-chan and Baimei-kun a few minutes ago. Baisuke-_chan_ and Baito-_chan_ retired to the Western room with their… husbands." Nodding and smiling to the couple across from him, she explained, "Baijo-san and Nikorin-san have offered to let us be served by our children, first."

Genma shifted on the bench to sit up straighter. Sometime during his brief reminiscence he had slouched down a bit. Pushing his glasses up his nose, he acknowledged the other couple with a grave nod. "Thank you, Shimeru-san. I expect to see great teamwork from our children." Maybe he had a one-track mind but so did his wife.

"Teamwork is very important; especially if there are a lot of grandchildren," Nodoka added.

Baijo smiled back kindly. Nikorin smiled back a bit too kindly but not everyone was quite as focused as he and his wife. He could deal with that. "Was there anything else I missed while I was meditating?" he asked. "A true martial artist trains constantly to keep his skills honed, you know."

"Yes, of course," Baijo replied with a grin. To her male wife, she asked, "Nikorin, dear, I think I could use some training, too. Do you mind?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her and made moue. "Yes, I think I _do_ mind."

"Really? I think Grandma's about to meditate, too. She's been awful quiet in there," Baijo said, tilting her head toward the traditionally-constructed room the four of them sat just outside of.

"Hmph. Granny requires more meditation at her age," Nikorin teased.

"I heard that," came an aged female voice from deep inside the washitsu and Nodoka giggled, tiredly. Last night had been unfortunately long and stressful for all of them.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

'The tension in the room is palpable. I _guess_ that's how it's put,' Baimei thought. A thick, heavy curtain patterned to look like a dry grass weave was hung in a loose box around them giving the illusion of a much smaller room. The top was open to the beams under the roof. She sat beside Ranma across from Daimonji-sensei and her pet monkey, Sanae. Between, and to the right, lay the irori, or sunken hearth, where a charcoal fire burned hotly. It occupied a full half-tatami and Baimei thought it a bit much but it was also authentic. The inside of the blackened hardwood frame was lit faintly with the dull reddish glow of the coals lining the clay-covered stone fire pit. Wisps of smoke shot up to the small bamboo platform hanging over it from the ceiling meant to stop sparks from rising and flowed around on their way out the roof vents. The hot, curling streamers seemed to represent the simmering tempers of three of the four occupants.

"Gu-ga. Gu," Sanae said.

Ranma tensed. 'Did Ranma just narrow his eyes at the monkey?' Regardless, the monkey narrowed her eyes and glared back.

"Now that you both have chosen chawan for each other," Sachiko said, "Sanae-han and I will show you how to perform the cha-no-yu. This room we are in is not laid out in the most accepted arrangement but this is only an introductory lesson. Ordinarily, the hearth would be only a quarter of this size and there would be a tokonoma for your guests to enjoy and a true mizuya where the ceremony's instruments are cleaned and prepared." She waved a hand over the fire pit. "The host of the ceremony should prepare the fire before the guest. It is considered good practice to wait until the guest has arrived to lay the charcoal and light the fire. All of the materials should be brought ahead of time. The recurring theme found throughout the ceremony is proof of effort and diligence on the part of the host. Showing the guest you are personally laying the fire also shows the deepest respect. This is a fundamental principle of cha-no-yu."

'This is _serious_,' Baimei thought, 'and my legs are falling asleep.' Those two thoughts strove to tear her concentration in half. She had an inkling of the import and focus required of the tea ceremony, yet her body, used to Western seating arrangements at home, WacDonald's and school could only temporarily tolerate seiza, the "proper" seating style. It cut off the circulation to her legs making them feel increasingly cold, hot and tingly all at the same time. In other words, she was in agony and it was distracting. Ranma, on the other hand, looked perfectly comfortable. It was remarkably annoying. "It's not his fault,' she reminded herself. 'He's just that amazing.'

Using a pair of hashi, Satsuki picked up a small but heavy-looking block and set it into the irori. She did this three more times before motioning for her monkey to bring the heavy iron pot for water. The pot was set on the blocks. 'Isn't it supposed to set on the coals?' she wondered but did not give it much thought beyond the obvious. This interpretation of the ceremony was murky at best. 'Wasn't it supposed to hang from a rope over the fire?' The whole thing was becoming confusing and she felt lost.

Ranma's hand moved toward hers but shied away half way between them. Impulsively, Baimei reached out for him and their hands clasped. Just knowing he was aware of her distress lifted her spirit in a way that was like sex but different. There was no sex, obviously, but there was an ego boost from knowing the center of his world included her. Baimei's confidence returned.

Sanae, the monkey, waddled over from the right corner of the room adjacent to the small entrance carrying a sloshing earthen jar of water. Ranma's grip on her hand tightened. Satsuki said, "Sanae-han, please set five scoops of water to boil." In response, Sanae withdrew a bamboo ladle from the sleeve of her small kimono, removed the wide lid and dipped it into the jug. Ranma's hand twitched sending a brief jolt of pain through her hand.

"Ranma!" she gasped without thinking. It was enough to distract and alarm the teacher's pet causing Sanae and her ladle of water to spin toward Baimei. A dark blur obscured her vision which she quickly realized was the sleeve of Ranma's kimono.

"Sanae-han, please be careful with our guests!" Satsuki admonished the startled creature.

Ranma's sleeve moved aside and Baimei's initial relief turned to worry as she saw her favorite girl gingerly dangling a still-dripping, over-sized sleeve and scowling ferociously. "Ranma?" she prompted in concern.

"Gu-gigi!" Sanae screamed, dropped both ladle and lid and retreated, wide-eyed, to her mistress's side.

"Oh, my, Saotome-san, I am so terribly sorry!" Satsuki exclaimed and bowed her head to the floor. "I _do_ hope your latest match will be understanding of your condition." Sanae was busy chuffing and sniffing the air as she stared at Ranma.

Baimei opened her mouth to say something to that effect but closed it when her intellect rapidly reviewed the event. 'Is she bowing to hide her smile?' Traces of tightness around her eyes suggested as much. 'Hmmm… "latest match," huh, and a plea for understanding? She knew what would happen. They _have_ met before.'

She glanced at Ranma, whose scowl now included both teacher and pet, and followed Ranma's gaze back to the pair across from them. 'Is that monkey glaring at Ranma, again?' A glance to her right caught Ranma narrowing her eyes at Sanae.

With sudden realization, Baimei understood the incident was at least enjoyable for her teacher and host, if not outright planned. Anger lit in her belly but she quickly got it under control. 'She hopes to embarrass Ranma and her family – that bitch! The problem is, Daimonji isn't family and we can't let her know about the Shimeru,' Baimei thought. A cooler voice in her head qualified the decision by saying the super-ultra-strict secrecy only applied to jealous bitches.

Ranma was rumbling like a cute little volcano beside her. It was time to act and she hoped she could defuse the situation. Taking Ranma's hand back in hers served to distract everyone else in the room. When she had their attention, Baimei said, "I was aware of, and had seen, Saotome-san's curse already, Daimonji-san. We are considering an arrangement including a distant cousin of mine. They met last night. Now, if you would kindly warm that water and provide a towel…"

"Of course, Okyakusama!" Satsuki responded and pulled a stack of three white hand towels from her sleeve before giving them to Ranma along with another apology.

While the teacher personally ladled water into the old iron pot, the first cup making a soft hiss and puff of steam, Baimei squeezed Ranma's hand to draw her attention. "Saotome-san, what did you think of my tall, curly-haired cousin?" She asked this to make sure Ranma was following her little white lie.

A cloud of confusion lifted and Ranma used her right hand to capture Baimie's between both of hers. "He was _incredibly_ tall and good looking. You'd like him, Daimonji-san," Ranma said with breathless excitement. "He's from a wealthy and cultured family, just like Shimeru-san, here. Between the three families, I'd have, like, six parents an' _eight_ brothers and sisters. There's hardly any old people at all an' granny out there is pretty cool. She hasn't gotten on my case once, yet!"

Baimei had a sneaking suspicion the competition between the teacher and Ranma was still going strong but was unwilling to let it continue despite the fact that Ranma had every right to be upset with the woman's rude behavior "Ladies," she broke in, "shall we proceed?" The sentence was not meant in an unkind way and she knew it was something old-fashioned like Baiko or Baijo might say but she felt desperate to get the omiai's event back on track.

For a wonder, it brought Ranma up short, though she still looked put out as she continued daubing a towel on the wet spots in her clothes and on the tatami. Daimonji-sensei ladled a bit of water out and offered it to Ranma, who felt the side and judged it hot enough. She watched in fascination while Ranma poured it over her hand and into a folded towel on the floor. 'I still can't believe he changes with water.' The substance was one of the most common on the Earth. 'The human body is, like, seventy per cent water! How does that work? Is that _why_ it works?' She remembered Baito's joke about being kidnapped by aliens and wished he wouldn't say such ominous things. 'Last thing I need are aliens to go with kidnappers, a monkey and magic.'

"Gu-gu-gu-gu," Sanae said after Ranma changed back into his male form.

"I know you are curious, Sanae-han, but I want you to go outside and play your shamisen, all right?" Satsuki gently requested.

"Ga," Sanae replied, eyes never leaving Ranma's, and made her way slowly toward the monkey-sized entrance. She took a brief look around outside and, after giving one last curious glance to Ranma, leapt for the twisted pine tree in the garden's center.

Hearing her fiancé sigh in relief, Baimei also felt more relaxed. "So, how do we do this?" Baimei asked. She hoped to restart the actual lesson. Her legs were giving painful reminders they were not used to sitting like this. She shifted uncomfortably and winced.

"Yes, Shimeru-sama," Daimonji-sensei agreed. "By the way, please feel free to make yourself more comfortable. This is a lesson, after all, and I think learning is more important. You will have opportunity to practice formality and style later. Now," she said, pulling a tea bowl of her own from a sleeve and setting it before her, "when you serve a guest, you must prepare the water before them. With a fire, you should arrange the charcoal, light it, hang or set the pot on and put water inside. Even if you use only an electric pot, you should still prepare everything in their presence."

Ranma opened his mouth and closed it. She turned toward him with an unspoken question. "Sorry, I… That's not how I remember."

She returned a slight smile and squeezed his hand. 'I'll bet that's an understatement,' she thought. 'He's _so_ much better than I am at being polite and delicate about points of contention. I'd probably get into an argument and try telling our teacher off, or something.' To Satsuki, she nodded. "Please continue. We are here as students." The teacher smiled ever so slightly and gave them a small bow in acknowledgment.

A twinge of pain shot up her left leg in return. It ran up her spine and felt like it made her closely cropped hair try to stand up under her jet-black wig. Without a word, Ranma wrapped his left arm around her waist and pulled her into his side so she could stretch her legs out a little in the other direction. "Thank you," she whispered into his ear and was pleased by the shiver she felt from him. Baimei returned her attention to Satsuki and gave a curt nod.

Satsuki's left eyebrow twitched in response but the young woman took a deep breath and continued her lecture. "While the water is being prepared, it is customary to serve your guests some very mild wagashi. Choose the sweets that have a light clean taste. Strong flavors will linger and overpower the tea's natural flavors. You may engage in small talk before serving tea but the traditional ceremony calls for meditation and contemplation by _all_ parties. It is enough to consider those you serve, or those who serve you.

"After a suitable period of meditation and when the water has been boiled, the tea may be prepared. This is also done in front of the guests. This," she said, picking up a small, lidded brown jar with a crude and imperfect translucent blue glaze, "is the chaki. Before your guests arrive, you should choose the matcha, the ground tea, to serve them and put enough inside for the entire event. There are many grades of matcha but all are served from a chaki you choose specifically for the ceremony, just as you do the chawan and every other piece of the setting." Baimei blinked at that. She had no idea the preparation was _this_ elaborate.

"Now, when you make the tea, you set the bowl in front," Satsuki said, indicating her bowl a hand full of centimeters in front of her on the tatami, "take this chashaku," she added holding one of those long, small-headed wooden spoons, "and scoop out enough matcha from the chaki as you need, depending upon the number of people who will drink. The ratio of water to matcha can vary depending upon type of tea and personal taste but, whether mixed thin or thick, the result should be completely opaque. One scoop to 50 milliliters is considered thin while three scoops is considered thick. More tea means a stronger flavor. It can be too bitter for those unused to its flavor."

To demonstrate, Satsuki held the small container tilted over the bowl with her left hand and scooped three heaping spoonfuls from deep inside, depositing the bright green powder in center of the bowl making a heaping mound that looked like a green Fuji-san. Baimei thought it was an awful lot of ground leaf to drink. The teacher tapped the spoon gently over the rim of the bowl and placed both the jar and spoon out of the way on the tray to her left, picking up a small bamboo whisk from where it stood upside down on its flat stub of a handle.

"This is the chasen," she said. "You will use this to whisk the tea into a froth." She put the bamboo whisk back down on its base and retrieved a different ladle than the one Sanae left behind with the jar of cold water. "This is the hishaku. You use it to ladle hot water from the pot over the tea in the bowl." Slowly and clearly, Satsuki enunciated an important point, "The size of the tea scoop is mostly standardized and so is the size of the ladle but they are not all identical. You must practice measuring consistent amounts of matcha with the chashaku and mizu with the hishaku to get consistent results." Dipping the ladle into the mildly steaming pot, she extracted the heated water.

"Water temperature must also be consistent," she added. "Tea is meant to be enjoyed in contemplation." With that said, she drizzled out fifty milliliters, or so Baimei guessed, over the top of the mound of tea before pouring the rest of the water back in the pot and laying the ladle over the opening with the handle resting on the rim. Satsuki picked up her whisk and bent to mix the tea. She did not hurry and neither did she dawdle. She was precise and insistent. The tea was ready in a moment.

Their teacher bowed and placed the tea before her. It looked like a shallow bowl of green paint with a ring of bubbles around the edge. Baimei shot her teacher a doubtful look and Satsuki replied, "Thick tea such as this is meant to be sipped and passed to the next guest. Thin tea, what you two will be serving, is meant to be mixed one bowl per person."

Baimei tucked her legs under her to sit back in seiza and bowed to her teacher. She picked up the bowl in both hands and brought it to her lips. 'Bitter!' was her first thought. 'Pasty,' was her second. She worked her tongue around the aftertaste and tried to clean her mouth. 'I could use an iced coffee about now,' she thought wistfully.

She held the bowl out to Ranma, who looked at her oddly and shrugged, taking it in both hands before sipping. He did some lip-smacking afterward, for which she could sympathize, let out a sigh of satisfaction and put the bowl down with a deep bow to his teacher. Satsuki's eyebrows twitched madly. 'What did he do?' she wondered.

Sounding strained and slightly clipped, Satsuki's voice pulled her attention back to the teacher. "Now that you are both familiar with making tea, we will begin learning formalities. Over the next forty-five minutes, they both received a massive dump of information that included everything from what the tatami the tea-maker sat on was called to how to pass a bowl of tea to your neighbor. Baimei and Ranma were each given special napkins for cleaning the rim.

Ranma rarely spoke leaving Daimonji-sensei in lecture mode and Baimei the one to ask all the questions, not that she minded. The only truly odd part of the lesson was when Ranma asked if the reason the host had to prepare the fire, water, mix and serve the tea, and clean all the utensils in front of the guests was to prove they weren't going to be poisoned.

Daimonji-sensei's polite, business-like smile blossomed in response. She covered it with a hand even as a light-hearted giggle leapt out from genuine good humor. She replied, "It really proves nothing but it puts them at ease."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The long table in the traditional-styled room was adorned with more food. It was distracting because she liked sweets, on occasion, despite her spouse's admonishments to eat healthier foods. Right now, his male wife, Nikorin, was laid back stretched out on a tatami. His eyes were closed and his long, black ponytail with its gentle curls spread around to one side of the zabuton under his head. 'He looks so cute when he sleeps,' she thought but knew he was not really asleep. He was just resting his eyes. Baijo's own eyes drifted back to the trays of Japanese treats. They looked almost as good as her wife but were closer.

The tray in front of him slid further away as her father, also in female form, nudged them out of reach. "Have I ever told you how much I dislike wigs?" Baiko asked as she sat next to Baijo at the table. She did not wait for an answer, though. "Always afraid of knocking it crooked or disrupting the arrangement – makes napping just about impossible."

Baijo sighed in agreement. "I might just sleep face down on the table if I did not have makeup on." She hardly meant that, of course. She drank enough coffee before coming down to force her into the restroom by the private hall's entrance twice since they'd arrived. Her mother let the comment pass without argument.

The two of them sat on cushions, like the one Nikorin was resting on, facing the open shoji to the garden where strands of music drifted in the wind from the Daimonji girl's remarkable pet. The strange monkey seemed content to just sit in the tree and stare at the walled-off tea room's entrance. The room had been open the night before but hotel staff had hung fusuma from the ceiling into tracks recessed in the floor around the room. The inside should still be enormous compared to true tea rooms.

Baijo's thoughts drifted around the cultural arts instructor he'd hired and the animal he had _not_ expected. Worry gnawed at him. Earlier, his older children confirmed the monkey had actually tried to use the strings of its shamisen to shoot spoons as if they were darts, or arrows, at the Saotome men. She had never heard of a monkey doing that and would not have thought it possible. 'What did it say about its owner?' That led to disturbing conclusions. "Saotome-san said that teacher was a ninja. I'd like to say it was a joke."

Grandmother Baiko let the statement settle a moment before asking, "I am not sure what to think. The monkey tried to injure, if not kill, Saotome-san and his son yet they paid so little attention… What do you suppose the odds are we would get a recommendation to use someone like that for entertainment at a family gathering and then find our guests are even _more_ skilled in that sort of thing?"

"What are we getting into?" Baijo muttered as she stared at the garden through the open shoji.

Conversation lapsed for a moment before her father murmured, "Getting into – Yes, perhaps that is the correct way of looking at it. We have always thought that _our_ family was _the_ secret society. Did you mention our other guests' name when you called the Ministry asking for a recommendation?" Baiko asked, glancing up from where her hands were clasped on the table.

Baijo thought back. "I did. I had to. The woman on the telephone asked for a list of attendees." She reviewed the call in her head but nothing out of the ordinary came up. "It _did_ take a few minutes for them to find the name and contact information." Still, that was hardly uncommon. Her father said nothing. "Daimonji-san _is_ local."

The two of them returned to their quiet contemplation until a soft scuffling sound drew their attention to the washitsu's entry where a woman in a rumpled men's suit approached, hat in hand. Her light brown hair looked mussed and somewhat in need of a wash. It conflicted with her orange stick-on mustache. "You look even more tired than I feel, Detective Kahoru," Baijo said. "Please, come join us."

"Thank you, Shimeru-san," she replied. "I hope you do not mind my appearance. We have been very busy and I finally have some new information to share," she said, kneeling at the head of the low table. Nikorin sat up and joined them with a muffled yawn. "Unfortunately, the news is not pleasant," she said. "This may be an opportune time for the three of you with the rest of your family and guests occupied." Baiko slid the tray of wagashi toward the police detective who waved it off with a tired smile. Baijo waited for the bad news while his imagination ran rampant.

Nikorin asked, "Is there danger of another attack?"

"I am not sure," Futako replied. "It does not seem likely at the moment." She took a deep breath before letting it out slowly and set her hat on the floor beside the table. Her fingers twined together while she stared at them. When she finally looked up, she said, "The laundry van was stolen. That much you knew from what we learned last night. Well, it was found, burned completely to a metal husk. A fire department in Chiba received a call at four-twelve this morning and put it out. The local police roped it off and called it in. The family picked up on it as a possible lead and I dispatched a team to check it out when an update came from the Chiba investigators that there were human remains inside.

"Our situation became… delicate but we were able to assist with the investigation because we had reported your son's assault and attempted kidnapping through official law-enforcement channels. The investigators and coroner believes there were two adult bodies inside the van. Cause of death has yet to be determined."

Baijo twined her fingers through her wife's masculine hand as the implications tumbled around in her head. She was sure Nikorin was making the same leaps of logic and nothing she imagined was pleasant in the least.

Inspector Kahoru continued on a different topic. "We have been monitoring the corporate jet leased by Shaft Enterprises. Their first stop was to be Vancouver in Canada. The last communication they had was routine communication with Nagashibetsu ATC in Hokkaido almost four hours ago. At 14:49 the Soviet consulate reported an aircraft had descended below radar approximately 750 kilometers east of the Southeastern Kamchatka coast and had dispatched a flight to investigate. On our suggestion, ATC in Hokkaido, Petropavlovsk, United States' Aleutian Islands and Vancouver have tried to contact the Shaft aircraft but there has been no response

"Shaft Enterprises was called and asked for further information on the flight. They have responded with an unofficial statement saying the flight is not yet late for their Vancouver arrival and that they hope and pray all passengers make their first stop in Canada safely." The inspector seemed to have reached the end of her summary and took the opportunity to reach for a wagashi while everyone else absorbed the last, perhaps most disturbing, bit of news.

"I don't like this," Nikorin said first. "I do not like this one bit!"

"The Tokyo office of Shaft Enterprises has also been contacted but there is little additional information available at this time other than business titles for each of the passengers," the detective added. "Tomorrow, we should know more. So far, all we have on the case beside your reports are two fatal accidents and no live suspects."

Baijo sighed in futility and frustration. Across the table, her female father, Baiko, said nothing. Her hands remained clasped tightly, elbows on the table. Her father's eyes closed and her twined grip rose to her forehead propping her head up by the knuckles of one thumb.

Nikorin, at Baijo's side, gulped and asked, "Ha-has the family head been notified?"

"Purin-sama was informed of the assault on your son this morning and said that the clan's secrets must be maintained and the criminals brought to justice through normal means."

Her wife nodded his head in response. To be honest, she was relieved the family head struck a balance between caution and vengeance. The last thing their clan needed was publicity as an "organization" like the yakuza. It was probably for the best if the investigation was handled by the normal human staff of the National Police Agency with Inspector Iruka and the rest of the clan relinquishing authority on the case to their non-Shimeru associates and superiors. "Why don't you get some rest, Inspector," Baijo told her. "Hopefully, there will be better news tomorrow."

The tired-looking detective bowed her head. "Thank you for your understanding and patience."

"Thank you for your diligence and kind regard for my family," Baijo replied with her own bow. Her father shook off her dark thoughts enough to express her own gratitude before Detective Kahoru left.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma knelt to the left of his newest fiancée, Shimeru Baimei, to help her make tea for each of his parents. They decided to do it this way because serving the prospective in-laws had more significance than serving their own parents or splitting the work between genders. Baimei was also the least experienced of them so he thought it appropriate that he serve her family and she, his. She, however, thought it very important to serve _his_ parents, first, so here they were.

When Daimonji Satsuki-sensei determined the two of them were as ready as they could be in the forty-five minutes, or so, of training allotted, they had to decide how to pick out the gift-bowls and which parents to start with. The bowls, themselves, were arrayed on a low table on the other side of the heavy, woven-grass curtain. The teacher asked Ranma to describe his parent's personality and background. Then, Baimei, with his concurrence, picked out a pair of bowls. The two of them traded roles and Ranma chose bowls based on his own observations and what he heard from Baimei.

"They all look the same," Ranma had complained at the time. Baimei agreed even if it was obvious each piece of hand-made pottery was unique despite their uniform style and colorations. Ranma focused on imperfections and insisted Baimei choose the one most out of round for his father. In spite of their efforts at identifying unique paint jobs with character, everyone pretty much received a wide, brown bowl with rough glaze and a centimeter or two of semi-transparent blue paint sloppily applied around the rim. 'Art – feh!' Ranma thought while struggling to identify a pair that looked similar enough to represent Baimei's brothers. The last two bowls remaining turned out to be the hardest because Ranma and Baimei were forced to choose, and agree on, each others' gift. By that time, Ranma was thoroughly sick of the task and he was sure his partner was, too.

The tea Baimei was mixing for his father slopped dangerously close to the rim as she whisked it. Without speaking, because Ranma knew the odds were pretty good he could ruin the mood, he gently placed a hand on her back. She took a breath and slowed down. 'If I could just…' His unfinished thought was of his other, main fiancée, Tendo Akane. A light touch was all it took to steady Baimei. She had focus. With Akane, a touch like that might set her off like a rocket.

Ranma smiled at his fiancée when she put the whisk down on its tray and presented the bowl of usucha, or thin tea, to his father with a slow, deliberate bow. Genma, the human panda, bowed in return to wordlessly accept the tea from where Baimei had placed it in front of him. He took three, noisy slurps and downed the rest in a big gulp. Ranma rolled his eyes and ended up glimpsing his mother's knowing smile. 'Oh, crap! She's imagining stuff, again!' He smiled nervously back at his mother and ignored his father's lidded scrutiny.

Baimei brought forth the other bowl they had taken from the table hidden behind the curtain, the one selected for his mother. She made the necessary production out of making sure the dirty looking thing was, in fact, clean. Whether the dirt was stuck on the glaze or inside of it was difficult to determine. The bowl would _always_ look and feel dirty. 'Stupid art, why can't they make _clean_ bowls?'

'Oh, right!' he thought with a start. His job as her assistant was to hand her things, things like the chaki tea caddy. He smoothly picked up the jar, removed the lid and held it over his mother's bowl while Baimei scooped out a heaping spoonful of matcha powdered tea using the wooden chashaku. When she was done, he put the jar back in its place and took a half-scoop of cold water from the large bucket to his right, toward the door. He carefully emptied it into a small deep bowl which he used to clean the whisk, or chasen, while Baimei drew a ladle of hot water from the kama, the iron pot set over the fire to heat water, and poured it out into the bowl over the mound of tea.

Ranma handed the purified whisk to his fiancée, who accepted it and bent to make the second bowl for his mother. 'Those sweets were good,' he thought hungrily of the mild flavored tea snacks meant to cleanse the palate. 'I could do with about ten of them right now.' Pouring the whisk's rinse water into a waste bucket for "doing the dishes" so to speak, he looked up to find his mother smiling happily at him, again. It was unnerving, to say the least.

After both of his parents were served, he finished cleaning the utensils and passed Baimei the bucket of fresh water to replenish the pot of hot water. Now, they had to leave his parents alone to meditate on their performance. Ranma bowed deeply to his father and mother with Baimei doing the same. They stood, moved to the entrance and knelt again so they could leave through the small hole. The moment they were both out in warm the afternoon sunshine, they experienced an unexpected deluge. Baimei gasped beside her.

"Sanae-han, bad girl!" Daimonji Satsuki yelled. Ranma was sopping wet, female, and wearing a multi-layered kimono that was no longer tied tightly enough, and smelled like pond water. Her temper was fraying rapidly.

She glared up into the tree at the perpetrator who grinned back her. "Kikikiki!" the snow monkey laughed in amusement at her gender change. An empty bucket dangled from her half-open right paw.

Beside her, Baimei was spitting dirty water from her mouth. Her wig was dripping wet and the beautiful golden kimono with its large silver crane in flight up her leg was soaked. It looked suspiciously like Baimei had been the real target.

"Sanae! Get down here and apologize to our honored customers!" Satsuki screamed back at it. "GAKII!" she added pointing at the ground before her. "GAKII!" Her monkey had other ideas and bounded through the tree toward the small pond and waterfall on the back wall. "GAKII!" Satsuki continued yelling.

"Hey, are you all right?" Ranma asked a thoroughly stunned Baimei. She did not answer right away. Her mouth opened and closed in wordless indignation. Naturally, the incident drew the rest of the family. Ranma hurried Baimei over to the Eastern, traditional wing and helped her up inside. Nikorin and Baiko each grabbed an arm and pulled her up while her female father, Baijo's attention was on figuring out what happened and why the Tea Ceremony teacher was screaming monkey words.

"What's going on," she heard Baisuke's female voice yell across the garden from the Western wing.

"Stay there!" Nikorin yelled back.

"Don't just stand there, Boy! Go beat that monkey!" She heard her father yell as he emerged from the tea room.

Ranma turned her attention in vengeance toward the tree. At the same time, almost tripping in her over-sized male kimono. She tried to hike up her obi and tighten the obijime but that blasted Sanae was already moving on to her next victim. "Pop!"

Her father stood resolutely in the path of the monkey bucket attack and protected his mother by throwing his arms wide and sacrificing his humanity. When the spray cleared, she noticed her mother was dry and safe behind her father's furry bulk. Satsuki's pet now dangled, bucket in paw, by its kimono in her father's claws as he stared down at the thing with seething anger.

Now, Ranma was really getting angry, too. Her stupid panda father was able to protect her mother but Ranma was outsmarted and outmaneuvered by Sanae, again! "You stupid monkey! I'm gonna blow you straight to the Moon!" she yelled, gathering her chi for a Fierce Tiger Domineering attack.

Her father's ears twitched and his lips curled back to show a great maw full of teeth which Ranma knew was either the beginning of a long-winded lecture or a yawn.

Satsuki shrieked, "Kyaaaa! It's a bear!" and launched a large, black, cast iron cauldron at her father. "Don't you dare eat my monkey, you brute!"

Ranma leapt and kicked the heavy pot high back toward Satsuki but higher, too much higher by the sound of the car alarm blaring over the wall behind the waterfall. 'Ooops. Oh, well, it was _her_ black pot,' she decided facing off against Daimonji-sensei.

"Brwow gwah rwra," her father said, not that she had any idea what he meant until he held up a sign saying, "Your monkey just wet itself, Miss."

Ranma's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "That's disgusting, Pop! Too much information!" she called back but, sure enough, the bratty little snow monkey was wide-eyed and quivering in fright where she hung from the claws of the great black and white bear in a black kimono that looked too small on him.

"Sanae-han! _Bad_ girl!" their teacher yelled. "Stop picking on my monkey!" she yelled back at the panda as her temper flared, again.

Ranma decided she had enough fun for the day with her latest teacher and quickly slipped the knot open on her obijime and, as it dropped to the walking path where she stood between angry girl and animals, she pulled her obi's bow and freed it. Fortunately, she had another cord beneath. Ranma held one end of her obi and whipped the other end to wrap around Sanae's waist. With a swift jerk, she pulled back and swung her payload in a half-circle.

"Gigaa!" Sanae cried as she flew over Satsuki's head.

"Give her back!" the Tea teacher protested.

Ranma felt like saying something mean. Instead, as he swung the now hooting simian around, she only said, "No way. This bitch is goin' swimming!" and let the obi go with Sanae flying, screaming over the the Western wall. She held a hand to an ear and soon other screams could be heard faintly from over the Western wing of the tea garden. Ranma glowed in satisfaction at having both gotten rid of that annoying pain in her ass and doing so in a way that ensured Sanae got full payback. The hotel pool was over there and Ranma figured she'd nailed it.

"Oooh, you're so _mean!"_ Satsuki declared in a quiet rage directed solely at Ranma.

"Ranma-chan," her mother said in a stern voice, "please watch your language. Vulgarities are unbecoming of a young lady and I expect you to be more polite from now on."

Her mouth dropped open to protest but she realized there was nothing to be done about it; nothing constructive, at least. Instead, Ranma turned east to face her fiancée and possible future in-laws.

Satsuki beat her to the entry but found it blocked by Nikorin. "Daimonji-san, I think we have had enough instruction in the Tea Ceremony for today. Please gather your belongings. We will settle our account with your house, later."

The former Miyakoji heiress, who Ranma quietly agreed should be married to Sentaro, paled and bowed, begging forgiveness before gaining entry to the traditional hall. She watched Satsuki depart wondering what kind of trouble both of them were in. 'I _may_ have busted someone's car and the monkey-in-the-pool thing was _partly_ my fault.' She resolved right then and there not to go for a swim, tonight, because the pool was almost certainly polluted.

She gave Nikorin-kaasan a nervous smile. "S-sorry about that," she admitted and reached for her ponytail.

"Mom, Ranma-chan blocked the water from the first attack. It was when we were training inside of the tea room and I think Daimonji had something to do with it although it may have been an accident. She did not like Ranma-chan from the very beginning. Can you please go easy on her?" Baimei said from inside the washitsu somewhere behind her mother's male form.

Nikorin crossed his arms and glared. Ranma gulped and smiled tremulously. Baijo quietly slipped back inside to join Baiko and Baimei, who had moved to the wood-floored engawa leading back to the hotel. The action prompted a decision and Nikorin sighed. "Most problems can be solved with no use of force at all, Ranma-chan. Please remember this," he said. Nikorin took a step to leave but added, "Why don't you and your father escort Baimei back to our rooms and change. I will speak with the front desk about the disturbance at the pool and damaged vehicle on the north side of the building."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As much of a downer as getting a bucket full of dirty water thrown at her had been, Baimei realized his fiancée had much better reasons for being despondent than he. Ranma had gotten lectured by both her parents, one on propriety and one on failing in her duty to protect her fiancée, and Ranma was still smarting from Nikorin's criticism. Baimei and his brothers were used to the harsh-sounding recriminations but Ranma was not and took them as deeply personal criticism.

He sat beside her as the rest of the Tea Ceremony proceeded smoothly and without further interruption. She was grace incarnate. Her solemn expression and adherence to the most polite forms of conversation, though still inflected with a little of her boyish street slang, presented the image of a woman older by half a decade, or more.

When they returned to their room, she took his mother's request literally and decided to remain female. Baimei felt a bit guilty but did not mind having the shorter dressing time of a man, or so he thought. Ranma, with her mother's help, was done before he was. He marveled, again, at how quickly she could take a shower and get dressed. Her mother had done the makeup, Ranma told him, and it freaked her out but she was relieved at not having to do it herself, or watch, either.

Baimei ended up wearing a black and gray set with his family kamon, a volcanic mountain in a circle, on his back and on each side of his chest. His obi was a grayish purple with silver waves and a silver obijime outer cord.

His fiancée wore a pale green furisode with bamboo blossoms patterned across her legs and hip. A bright red obi with a multitude of flying yellow birds was tied in a simple drum-style bow and her obijime was a weave of white and yellow ending with two fluffy tassels, each split by the same colors. Her red hair was bound in a high ponytail by a short length of cord matching her obijime and hung the same length as her hair. He stared at it.

Ranma finished whisking tea for Fumori, bowing deeply to his currently female brother-in-law. Baimei took the opportunity to glance once more at the curve of Ranma's behind before bowing to his sister-in-law, too. When they all rose from the exchange, he ignored Baito's knowing smirk and picked up the last bowl they had yet to give away. The ring of translucent blue glaze had a lazy, happy wobble to it which Ranma thought might best represent her future sister-in-law given what Baimei described of her sense of humor and mix of part-time work and part-time shopping.

The compact, beautiful redhead beside him took the chawan and inspected it for flaws in front of their guests. She carefully wiped the bowl with a fresh chakin, or napkin, to ensure it was absolutely clean despite its rough appearance, and set it down in front of her before reaching for a clean tea scoop. This was his cue to offer the jar of tea. Baimei had become practiced, he thought, in the art of helping his fiancée make tea.

Once the tea was made and they had excused themselves, he and Ranma slowly wandered the garden while Baito and Fumori sipped and considered tea making. For his part, he was rather tired of it. According to Ranma, they were doing it wrong, anyway, but they were not doing it too badly for the number of people and short time involved. Cooperating in serving was kind of nice, too.

"I guess it's just us, after this," she said in a less somber tone than he'd heard in the last almost two hours.

Baimei lead her back to the benches, haphazardly arrayed around the entry step up onto the traditional wing's engawa. He chose the bench mostly facing the tea room, in part to avoid looking at the waterfall some ways behind. Once she was comfortable, he settled down beside her and took her hand in his. She was tiny in comparison, tiny, yet powerful, and it thrilled him. "What do you think about skipping our own little tea ceremony and just spend the time making out?" he asked.

She blushed and hung her head before giving it a shake. "This is import'nt," she said, surprising him. "It would be like… like…" He waited for her to find the words. Ranma _did_ have a difficult time expressing what was in her heart but the insight she provided gave depth to their relationship. Some girls could talk all day and never say what was important. Ranma struggled so much with her feelings that when she _did_ manage communicate, the meaning was as compact and powerful as the rest of her. Nearly a minute lapsed before she spoke again. "I think it's like cooking food for your family but not gettin' any of it, yourself."

And there it was; Ranma's own perspective in a short simile. The Tea Ceremony _meant_ something to her and it was important enough to relate to food, a topic he found she placed _very_ high on her list. Performing their bastardized cha-no-yu for their families was a significant event to Ranma, where Baimei knew it had been arranged by his parents as part education and part amusement. That told him Ranma was also, or at least potentially, a very traditional person. 'And that means,' he concluded, 'chadou will further solidify our engagement.' Smiling, he said, "Then, why don't we kick those two out of our tea room and get down to business?" She looked back up at him and smirked.

They walked, hand-in-hand back toward the step before the small entrance to the chashitsu. Ranma undid her now red-bowed pair of small waraji and Baimei picked at the ties of his green-bowed pair of larges. Ranma quickly slipped into the entry hole and Baimei caught himself staring at her well-formed bottom, clothed as it was in pale green silk. 'I don't think I'll _ever_ get tired of that.'

Soon, they had cleaned their last guest's bowls and all the tea utensils. Formalities were exchanged and they wished Baito and Fumori the best in their marriage. Ranma even offered to teach what she knew of a real, long-form Tea Ceremony _without_ martial arts. It seemed her mood was improving.

Baimei got to his feet after his brother and sister-in-law left and ducked behind the heavy curtain for the last two bowls. They were, in fact, left-over bowls from when they selected others for their family but he had examined the one he chose for Ranma closely, trying to draw some kind of connection between her and her bowl, though their genders were reversed at the time. He returned and sat in the guest position because Ranma already occupied the host's place.

Putting the two bowls between them, he pointed to the one chosen for her. "The selection wasn't good but I picked that one for you," he said with increasing nervousness. Truly, there _were_ only two bowls left and both looked somewhat more flawed the most of the others. It was the flaws he focused on. "There are a couple bare patches in the glaze and I thought of the bowl as almost perfect. You have that thing with cats and your education has holes but the rest of the glaze looks perfect. If we could just fill those patches, this might be the best bowl." Belatedly, he realized his explanation might sound more critical than he meant. "I like it! This is a fine bowl and the patches give it character. Anyway, please accept it," he concluded and bowed his head to the floor.

"It's not your turn, dummy," she said in a thick voice and moved his bowl to the side.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma blinked back tears. When Baimei was a man, he messed with her brain and her body felt all zingy and excited. The warmth of the nearby fire, even banked as it was in the irori, suddenly became a touch too warm and she broke out in a hot sweat. 'Why does he have to say such mushy, romantic crap to me?' she mentally groused. 'I just grabbed the last bowl and that was that.'

Pretending to inspect and clean the chawan she had "chosen," Ranma turned it slowly around. The paint and texture was unremarkable. The blue glaze was slightly lopsided, which made it a runner-up for the one her father received, the stupid panda. The blue glaze also had an extra-long drip on one size, though all of the bowls had drips from when the bowl's rim was brushed with too much glaze. She supposed it was something artistic. The inside was unremarkable, too. The mottled brown and semi-transparent blue glazes had sand and stuff making the surface kind of rough.

Her attention returned to the extra-long drip of blue glaze that had run all the way down to the bottom of the bowl and stared at it. 'He's got some weird complex about bein' tall.' Without another thought, she said, "This super-long drip here sort o' reminds me of you," and turned the bowl toward him so he could see. "You're super-long, too, but I like it."

He blinked and ducked his head to the side. Ranma was horrified. 'Oh, no! Why did I mention his height? I knew he was sensitive about it!' She panicked and her mouth ran faster. "Wait, wait! I mean, so what if you've got a long drip? I've got patches! If you help fill in my patches, I c'n help with your drip!"

Baimei clamped a hand over his mouth and turned red with laughter. Ranma was officially as lost as anyone she'd ever met, and that meant _very_ lost. She opened her mouth to ask, "Wha-?" but Baimei held his other hand out toward her, palm up, asking for a moment to regain his composure.

Grabbing the tea caddie and recently-cleaned scoop, she removed the lid and placed a small mound of tea in his cup. 'What did I say?' she wondered and replayed the conversation while drawing water from the hot pot over the coals. Under less mental stress and with her hands occupied with the simple task of pouring water from the small ladle into Baimei's bowl, her intellect caught up with her mouth and she began to feel somewhat light-headed. 'Oh, my.'

The rest of her service to Baimei began with a quiet and mortified, "Please don't mention that to your brothers… or my family… or, um, anyone, really. Please?" His eyes danced in wordless humor while he struggled long and hard to contain his laughter but he calmed enough to show proper respect to her tea. She cleaned each of the utensils carefully and avoided his eyes. She could not avoid the flush growing on her face or the way her blood pounded in her ears. The memory of their morning activities shortened her breath and heated other parts of her body.

When she was done, she stood, staring at the tatami, and quietly changed places with him. His tea service went by without so much as a single word spoken and she found herself grateful for his silence. She tried to stem the tide of hormones raging within, their fire fanned by the memory of her careless wording, but had only partial success. 'How can I find him so… so good looking?' she asked herself, trying to sound appalled. He was a big man but not big around, not bulky or cut, or fat, just average, except for his height… and how nice and smart and understanding and patient he was. 'And then, there's the way he makes me itch for sex when he's a guy. Normal guys don't _never_ to that.'

A bowl, her bowl he had chosen, was gently placed before her. His long arms and long torso, even folded for sitting in seiza which he found so uncomfortable, were prostrated before her and the tea he made. Her flush renewed itself. Head down, he said, "Please accept this cup of tea." He was not supposed to say that but it did not matter. Ranma bowed, slid her hands around the bowl and turned it so the side Baimei presented her now faced him. Lifting the bowl to her lips she sipped, watching him rise from his bow over the front rim. The import of the act settled a huge question in her mind.

When she lowered the bowl, she said, "Last night I accepted you as _an_ iinazuke. If we get married, I know I can accept you as my _husband."_ She heard him gasp and took another sip to calm her nerves. "This doesn't mean we'll get married f'r sure," she added, "but I think I'll be good with bein' a girl if you're the guy."

Hands inexplicably shaking and body buzzing with excitement, she finished her tea. They exchanged bows and, when they rose, Ranma met Baimei in a hungry kiss. Their parents found them half an hour later lying on the floor together, kissing and cuddling.

The thick, grass curtain enclosing the space around the fire pit swished aside. "Ahem! Son, the hotel staff need to clean so we need to be out of here," Baijo said giving them both a pointed look. "My wig itches and I'm tired. Why don't you join your mother and I in our room for a while before you retire to sleep with your grandfather in her room, tonight."

"Dad~!" Baimei began to protest.

Ranma gulped and ran her fingers through her unbound hair. The tie of her ponytail bugged Baimei for some reason so he'd pulled it off. 'Maybe I'll wear my hair loose more often,' she thought.

Just then, her mother peeked around the partially open curtain and into the not-so-private space and smiled brightly. "Ranma-chan, could you please come up with Father and I? We'd like to talk for a while before you go to bed sweetie."

"Mom, it's still early!" she protested.

"You have school tomorrow, don't you?" Nodoka asked. That put the beat-down on any romantic feelings and stuff she was thinking. Her lower lip crept out and her brows furrowed when she considered the long ride from the hotel, in the morning rush, and what time she'd have to wake up – all just to go to school. "Don't pout, dear. It is not very lady-like. Now, come along."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Omake**

Daimonji-sensei coughed into her hand and donned her tea-master persona. "Camellia sinensis, or tea, was first brought here from the west nearly one thousand, two hundred years ago by the Buddist monk, Eichuu-"

"Bless you," Baito said, in English.

Satsuki blinked and repeated, "Eichuu."

"Bless you," Baisuke said.

Baito asked, "Would you like a tissue?"

"No, Eichuu," Satsuki repeated, again, clearly more confused.

Baito raised a finger and opened his mouth. Baisuke looked eager to back him up for another round, too, when he felt a hand wrap around the back of his neck. "That will be enough, boys," Nikorin said in his sternest tenor. Baimei sighed in relief.

"Sank you," Ranma-kun quietly added, also in English, but a tiny curl at the corner of his mouth gave him away. Her brothers smiled happily back at him. He was learning it seemed and Baimei suppressed a groan.


	16. Monday Madness

Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Monday Madness

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics publisher Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic publisher Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

Rights to Futaba-kun Change! belong to its creator, Aro Hiroshi. Various other rights are held by Monthly Shounen Jump publisher Shueisha.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma solemnly gazed out of the limousine's tinted side window and into the city night. It was just after six o'clock, Monday morning and, while he knew the sky behind to the east would be lightening, soon, he also knew the perpetual, artificial light of greater Tokyo would rule for some time, yet. The air he'd stepped into when leaving the hotel was cool and humid, muting some of the neon, high pressure halogen and sodium grandeur with a light fog. The street lamps with their harsh white or orange light were surrounded by malevolent auras as they struggled against the thick, humid air. These last few hours before dawn were like Tokyo's giant gasp before renewing its twenty hour long scream of city activity. As he sat beside his mother in the back of the black, smooth-riding bullet through the darkness, he decided the city's mood suited him. He, too, felt like every breath would precede a scream.

'Why can't Baimei have been a total jackass?' he wondered, idly watching the glowing lamps with their moist halos sweep by in the darkness. 'He's a pretty cool guy an' it was… interestin' havin' sex with a guy as a girl,' he thought, summing up his awkward discussion with the parents the night before and his reminiscences thus far this morning. That was where the problem lay, though. Being with Baimei made being a girl okay, sort of. He was not at all sure about the reproductive aspect and, quite frankly, it scared the daylights out of him. 'It was fun. He's nice, real nice.' That thought ran completely counter to his own personal identity. Saotome Ranma was a man, and not just any man but a man among men. Well, that was before his mother gave her approval of his girl-side with its frightening implications based on Ranma's potential responsibility as a wife and mother… and daughter.

'Should I hate him for it?' he wondered, hearing his mother shift in the seat beside him. He had long ago tuned out the casual conversation up front between his father and the limo driver. The answer is still the same as last night. 'No, I can't hate 'im,' he decided, again. Shimeru Baimei was a pleasure to talk to and be with. He, or she, genuinely cared. 'It ain't like I'd be locked as a girl.' Baimei had explained more than once that Shimeru spent more time together in their immature forms, which Ranma often found himself thinking of as un-cursed, than their mature forms. That would mean Ranma would be a man most of the time he was with her, except for the baby-making activities. Baimei was way smarter and far more mature than he, as sobering and impressive as that was. Baimei also wanted to be Ranma's partner; his opposite and compliment. That was why it felt so right even if it should have been so very, _very_ wrong.

'What am I goin' t' do?' he mentally moaned. An answer still eluded him to the question his parents asked the night before.

The tea ceremony put together for yesterday's entertainment had ended with their parents' interruption while she and Baimei had accidentally started making out. Ranma wondered, 'What would bein' married really be like? Does makin' out happen, like, instant when you say nice things to each other?' There was more to it than that, though. 'Baimei _thought_ an' _then_ said some really great stuff. All I did was babble some crap about him bein' my husband an' I was cool with it. Then, we suck face. And _then_, our parents show up right when things were gettin' good.'

Ranma's mind wandered back to Sunday morning's romantic romp. Things were good, then, too. Details of exactly what they did yesterday morning came to mind and he crossed his legs. His circulation changed routing blood to his genitals and would not listen to his plea to stop. Rather, physical memory assaulted his cool making him uncomfortably warm. 'No, don't think about it!' he chastised himself. Ranma almost lost control and gasped when he realized he was remembering having sex as a girl but it was his male parts responding this time.

'I feel like such a pervert,' he thought, which reminded him of Akane. 'Maybe she was always right. Maybe I _am_ a pervert.' Ranma knew better, though. Animals did some unbelievable stuff and did not really care who watched. Of course, he had known about the act of procreation a long time because of his travels but it was not until a year, maybe a year and a half ago, that he finally understood procreation and fun were connected in some mysterious manner. People got married so they could do it for fun. Well, that was the theory he was working on.

Now, Ranma understood a little more about the what, how and why. He felt like an idiot and a pervert, everything Akane ever accused him of, but he would not give up his experience with Baimei. The sharing of hopes and fears, of different perspectives and experiences, and moments of comforting and reassurance made sex as a girl worth it. 'What would sex _with_ a girl be like?' he wondered. Akane came to mind, again.

The two of them had been through much together but talking was still a struggle. Every time he tested their interpersonal boundaries, she became as difficult as a bear. Ranma knew he was more of the tanuki-type; a little too curious for his own good, yet bad around people. How was he going to explain Baimei to Akane? 'How about, "I just wanted to try having sex with a man?" Like that's going to work. And, "Oh, yeah, I liked it. He was really cool." Right, that'll work, too – no problem.' At least his body became less exited as his mind wandered down new avenues for pain and retribution.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tendo Akane woke in her room, alone. This was a good thing, too, she reflected. The tools and weapons of her new training regime lay in an open shoe box on the floor by her bed, on her desk next to the bed, in the alcoves of her headboard and scrunched up with her bedspread against the wall. The first couple had cost her quite a lot, she ruefully remembered, until yesterday morning when a bitter comment about equipment cost in her master's presence solved that problem rather quickly.

Master Happosai had smiled brightly and said, "Leave the panties to me! You go after whatever you need!"

It took her a moment to pick up on his meaning. "But they'd be used – eeeeww!"

"Exactly, Akane-chan," he said, taking out his pipe and pointing the stem at her. "Work on sensing the chi left on them. You haven't progressed very far this weekend and our darling Ranma-chan will be back, tomorrow." Desperation was the mother of invention, or so she thought the old saying went, as Akane considered the potential problems of stealing another woman's bokken. "Don't worry so much, Student," he went on to say as he untied his small sack of tobacco and stuffed a pinch in the bowl, "they're almost always washed clean before being hidden."

Relieved, Akane nodded despite lingering misgivings. Still, she had to ask, "How do you know?" To which, her master just rolled his ancient eyes and lit his pipe. She decided to give up that line of questioning before getting an answer she did not want to know. Instead, she asked, "Then, why don't you take them, too?"

Happosai took a long draw and puffed out a panty-shaped cloud. "Why would I want to touch anything shaped like that?" he asked in return. Later yesterday afternoon, Akane and her master put on their black dougi, tabi, gloves, tied a black kerchief over their heads and under their noses, and raided a few apartment blocks together. As always, she lagged well behind, dodging their pursuers and various thrown objects while he laughed merrily at her lack of skill. Still, Akane's newly-learned chi techniques bought enough time to escape with her booty.

'He's so narrow minded,' Akane decided as she lay in bed Sunday morning, thinking back on his non-explanation. 'Just because it's shaped like a man… or other things.' She rolled over and stared down off the side of her bed at the shoe box on the floor. 'What a haul!' she thought in awe of her growing collection.

Looking up, the clock on her desk said 6:24. She sighed. The alarm would go off in less than six minutes. 'Time for my morning work-out,' she idly thought but stared, lazily, at the ceiling. If she got started, she's just end up being distracted by the impending alarm until it finally started beeping. Rather than getting into it right away, she rolled out of bed and slowly began gathering her new equipment, sorting by type and quality of experience. Then, her alarm rang and was quickly turned off. 'Time to train!'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Saotome trio finally arrived back at the family mansion sometime close to dawn. It was a small and well-aged affair, Ranma considered while his parents chatted with the chauffeur, thanking him while he opened the boot of the black limousine. "Ranma, come get your pack," his father ordered. With a small sigh, he turned from the small gate to the small row of apartments and accepted his backpack from his father's extended hand, slinging it over his right shoulder. "Take these, too," Genma added and loaded his now-free arms with the large, flat, rectangular paper boxes the hotel provided for carrying the family kimono, bearing the corporate logo on the box top. He backed away without a word leaving his parents room to lead the way through the small, white, worn and dented aluminum gate, then followed along to the corner apartment on the left, whichever direction on the map that was.

The air was thick with humidity, moist and cool. His loosely tied hair felt heavy but he was glad it was not raining. The day promised either warm showers, or damp heat. It was still very early in the spring so the better odds were on rain but the wind seemed to come from the South so it could go either way.

He waited patiently, arms full with a stack of clothing boxes, while his mother fished around in the small purse she kept in the obi of her tsukikage for the key.

"There we are," Nodoka said, fitting her key first into the deadbolt, followed by the keyhole on the doorknob. "Welcome home!" she brightly added, swinging the door open.

"I'm… back," his father hesitantly replied, sounding odd but following his mother inside.

Ranma trailed behind, kicking his shoes off at the step and using his left foot to close the door. "Tadaima," he echoed his father.

"Okaeri!" his mother cheerfully called back in welcome, sounding several times more enthusiastic than he felt.

Conversation lapsed from there and Ranma felt perfectly content to be left to his thoughts. That should have been his first clue to get out of the house. The uncharacteristic silence of his parents continued while he placed the boxes on the floor beside the row of antiquated-looking dressers in main room. His mother could put them away where, and how, she wanted them. His father went to the small kitchen adjoining the room and filled a kettle at the sink, either for tea, or a water accident. Nodoka disappeared back into the small toilet behind the kitchen. The apartment was so old that the lavatory, traditionally styled, was in a long, narrow stall behind the kitchen that could only be reached by entering the bath beside the kitchen instead of dividing them neatly. Laundry, he knew, was on the raised concrete deck around the back of the apartment sharing pipes for the bath through the wall. Ranma rolled his eyes, thinking, 'This place must've been real nice about forty years ago when havin' your own bath an toilet were for rich people.' In his low-class travels, he saw a lot of I-don't-know-what-the-hell-I'm-doin' architecture so the variety of quirky design he was most familiar with made modern designs look like modern miracles. He sat at the kotatsu idly wondering if his mother would make something delicious for breakfast.

Nodoka exited the bath with a nervous smile. His father silently matched her pace as they approached the kotatsu and knelt. Ranma's sakkijutsu began hinting all was not well. His mother placed her palms down on the table, took a deep breath, then clasped her fingers together and smiled a great big fake smile. Ranma's eyes widened and he felt a bead of sweat roll down his left temple. A sweat drop also appeared on his mother's forehead. "Father, you had something to say to Ranma-chan, didn't you?"

Shifting his gaze to his father, he noticed the same goofy, nervous, sweaty smile that always preceded trouble. Ranma's sakkijutsu screamed like a girl and fled. His old man crossed his arms within his sleeves and lowered his gaze to stare at the worn but polished surface of their dark-stained, wooden kotatsu. Seconds ticked by before Genma pulled an arm out to push his glasses back up his nose. Ranma wished he could follow his danger sense. "Boy, Mother and I have been talking…" Ranma broke out in a cold sweat. Perhaps it was because of all the time he had spent with the Tendo family that a wayward thought flit through his head saying nothing good could possibly come from his parents putting their heads together. "You're overdue for a medical checkup," his father restarted, his gaze shifting from the table to the ceiling giving him the opportunity to scratch at his bristly neck. "I haven't taken you to see a doc for a while…" Ranma could agree with that, if only because he could not remember the last time he had an official checkup outside of normal school health assessments. "… soooo, we thought it was about time. You're going to be married, soon…" Ranma tried not to gape too much over his parents' assumption but noticed his mother subtly elbowing his father. "… aannd, you might be marrying a boy sooo… ," he rapidly finished in a mumble.

Ranma's mouth went dry. "B-but Ono-sensei said my chi paths are fine; better than normal!"

To his surprise, his mother rose from the table and quickly shuffled around to his side, kneeling and putting an arm around him. "Not that kind of checkup, Ranma-chan. Look, it will be fine! I promise. It is not that bad and, after a while, you can get used to it. My doctor is very nice and professional so you can ask her anything, really!" The room spun as Ranma tried to piece his mind back together from the mental vortex. "I know! How about if I write a note to your school that we are going to visit the clinic and we go out for breakfast, first. After the visit, we can go shopping!"

It was all happening too fast. Ranma had barely enough wit left to understand the shopping would be for girl's clothes, not that he minded having more nice things to wear, quite the opposite, in fact, but he would rather have more men's clothes. It was seriously difficult trying to find a good set that would not look horrid or perverted on his girl-side. The opposite was just as true, of course, but seemed a lost cause given his history.

"Good, now that that's settled," his father intoned instilling a sudden flare of indignation in Ranma over his total lack of say in the matter, "we think it would be best if you spent this week at Tendo-ke." Rama's eyes widened in disbelief but he was not given a chance to object. "We owe a response to the Shimeru family and the end of the week is the latest we can concienabley put it off."

"That's 'conscientiously,' Father," his mother put in.

His stupid old man nodded wisely at his mother. "You need to decide who you want to marry by next weekend and you owe the Tendo family a crack-… an opportunity to-… You need to stay with them this week."

Confused and a little hurt by his father's fumbling attempt to explain why he should go back to the Tendo family when there clearly were issues between them, Ranma protested. "I stayed with them enough, haven't I?"

Both his parents shook their heads slightly, indicating Ranma was not just 50% but 100% wrong. "This will be your last chance to reconcile your differences with Akane-chan, Son," his mother said in a gentle voice. The implication created a cold weight in his belly.

"Boy, if you can't make this work with the Tendo family, you know you'll be a daughter of the Shimeru family, right?" his father pointedly asked. Put that way, Ranma decided it was not too late to follow his sakkijutsu's advice and make a tactical withdrawal.

"Oh, hey, I got school, today! Better run!" To make the story more believable, he spied his book bag leaning against the wall by the door where he'd dropped it and speedily snatched it before closing the apartment's door behind and leaping to the rooftops.

For the first few blocks, he looked back rather frequently. There really was not much he would put past his father like, say, sneak-assaulting him from behind and carrying him back as an offering to the Tendo family or his mother's frightening interests. This time, however, it appeared he would get away. With his growing confidence in the escape, he slowed and dropped to the street. "What am I goin' t'do?" he groaned.

Tendo Akane asked him to come back. It was not as if there were no feelings between them. They just rubbed each other the wrong way. 'Now that I'm an adult,' the sixteen and three-quarters year old thought to himself, 'I should think and stuff.' The trouble was that tactic was hit-and-miss according to his internal records. 'Maybe I should ask U-chan what she thinks.' That thought brought up images of a giant okonomiyaki spatula hitting him square between the eyes. 'Maybe not.' The Joketsu were out. Ranma considered their individual reactions and had to stop and lean against a post box to calm down.

"Saotome Ranma, fancy meeting you here," an irritating, artificially high voice spoke with a muffled echo from somewhere nearby.

Ranma jumped, literally, but when he landed, he scowled at the post box. "Kurenai-san?" He kicked the mailbox a bit just to be sure. His foot left a small dent but Ranma was careful not to break the bolts holding it to the sidewalk. There was no other effect.

"I've turned over a new leaf-" Tsubasa started. Whirling on the nearest tree poking up through a grating in the sidewalk, Ranma gave it an axe-kick flinging a distressed squirrel out onto the road. "Saotome-san, please stop! I only wanted to say hello."

Ranma backed off, eyeing the tree suspiciously, until he spotted the red and white fiberglass effigy of Kernel Flanders smiling as he held a red and white stripped bucket of fried pork tenderloins over his head. Ranma almost felt sick, except that he liked fried pork tenderloins. How Nippon tolerated the image was beyond his understanding. Kernel Flanders was pasty-white with a long white beard, chubby smile and wore red and white checkered overalls. The bucket (actual size) held enough fried, breaded pork to make anyone puke; except, maybe, the dojo destroyer, the gambling king, the Niku-men, Mint and Lime, his own father, Picolet Chardin II for sure and a few others, now that Ranma thought of it. Anyway, all that was beside the point, which was _inside_ the advertizing dummy. "Is that you?"

"This is how I relax," Tsubasa said as if affronted.

Refusing to comment, mainly because he could not think of a suitable response, Ranma spied a small ledge between the low wall and inset restaurant window above and sat on it beside the relaxing Kurenai Tsubasa, master of tacky disguise. "So, ah… what's up?"

"I was about to ask you the same. You're usually more… positive and, um, energetic."

Twirling a finger absently through his loose ponytail, Ranma said, "I was just thinkin'."

"I'm sorry," Tsubasa responded contritely.

Ranma nodded. "That's all right; happens to everyone, I think. You still int'rested in Kuonji Ukyou?"

After a long pause, Tsubasa answered, "No, I'm free to date."

"That's cool – being free. You got anyone in mind, yet?"

"Yes," Tsubasa replied guardedly.

"That's cool," Ranma said and withdrew into his thoughts.

After a moment, Tubasa followed with his own questions. "Saotome-san, you still turn into a girl, right?"

Ranma looked over at the fiberglass man proudly holding a bucket of pounded, breaded, fried pork, or at least some fiberglass lumps that were supposed to evoke that image. "Yeah, why?"

"Do you… Do you ever find yourself attracted to the opposite sex when you are a girl?" Tsubasa asked. "You don't have to ask if you don't want to," he rapidly added.

Warily, Ranma replied, "No, I never do."

"Oh,… well… that's good. I guess you don't have a problem when you're a man, then," The ninja replied a little more despondently.

"Look, man, I got t'go," Ranma announced. His sakkijutsu was whispering a warning he couldn't quite make out but he was not about to make the same mistake twice in one day. He left his seat on the ledge and started toward Furinkan once more.

"You're a very convincing girl, you know but I don't mind. I'm pretty good, too," Tsubasa called after him. Ranma casually started to hurry. A soft thumping noise started and he looked back. The sound was coming from inside the Kernel while it slowly turned on the thick steel base to face him. "You're even cute as a boy!" Tsubasa called after him.

'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,' Ran the litany while he ran toward the school. It was far too early to show up there but he could not get away from Kurenai Tsubasa fast enough. Something about the conversation gave him goose bumps.

Rounding the corner, he skidded to a stop. The Principal stood in the middle of the sidewalk just inside the open gate, grinning. 'It's cool. I'm early. I got my books. He can't touch me,' Ranma thought, changing his litany to address the more immediate problem. Throwing a pathetic grin to Principal Kuno, Ranma approached with the intent of casually stepping by like a model student.

"Where be da uniform, keiki?" Principal Kuno asked, early morning sun glinting off his black sunglasses and shiny yellow teeth.

Ranma evaded. "I'm a guy, this week."

"Where be da uniform, den?" From his Hawaiian shirt's pocket, the principal withdrew a pair of clippers. "De hair kind of long for da keiki." For effect, the heavily tanned man snipped the clippers in the air a few times. His grin widened.

Panicked, Ranma's hands flew protectively to his head. Wide-eyed in fright, hormones began flooding the bloodstream as his body prepared itself for a fight. "I'll tie it up!"

"No uniform, no hair," was the Principal's answer.

"I don't _have_ one!" Ranma protested, aghast over this new rule to school. 'This is totally not fair!' he wailed in his mind. 'No one ever made me wear a uniform, before!'

"You wore da uniform last week when you be de waihine," Principal Kuno pointed out.

That left Ranma gaping like a fish out of water. This new development was _so_ unfair. 'I could skip school,' he thought for a moment. The evilly grinning Hawaii-otaku, though, would probably come after him when he least expected and at the least convenient time.

Snip, snip, went the clippers once more. The frighteningly insane man made a production out of glancing at his wrist watch, still grinning madly, and said, "Dere still be time to find da uniform."

Suddenly, Ranma's options became clear: steal a boy's uniform or go back and get his girl's uniform. If he was late, there would be a fight, which he would win, of course, but hair would probably fly, anyway, from some later Kuno sneak-attack. "Damnit!" he cussed and raced back out the gate. He needed to get home and change, as much as he disliked the idea. Swiping some other guy's stuff wasn't very hygienic and would probably result in someone else getting a close shave. Transferring a Kuno curse to another victim was bad form and should only be used as a last resort. Nevertheless, he continued considering that option as he raced home.

The rooftops flew beneath him. 'Six blocks to go.' He did not have a watch, nor did he want one, usually. This was an exception. Every second counted and his fate would be decided by the Principal's timepiece. A few minutes later, he arrived at his mother's house, leaping the gate to land in front of the door. He tried the knob and found it unlocked. "Momma, where's my girl-stuff!" he cried out, breathless more from panic than exercise. He left his student's briefcase and shoes in the genkan and ran inside, surprising his parents who looked downright lazy sipping tea together around the kotatsu.

He ignored their wide-eyed stares and began searching for his clothes brought back from the Green Hills apartment. 'Got t'remember to say goodbye to Ishihara-landlady an' turn in my key,' he thought.

"Top drawer next to the kitchen," his mother answered getting up from the table in alarm. "What happened, Ranma-chan?"

Ranma leapt for the relevant cabinet and drawer. They were all very similar lining the outer wall like that. The dressers were fairly low and wide taking valuable space in the one-room apartment but they all held clothes, mostly his mother's kimono collection, that were too good, or too valuable, to part with. Inside the top drawer were his things, all neatly sorted, folded and packed. The school uniform looked like it was in good shape having been folded neatly at the waist. His best blouse was on top. Relief washed over him.

"The Principal, Principal Kuno, says I can't go t' school without a uniform. O'course, If I'm late, don't go, or show up without one he'll cut my hair, or at least try to. He's such a… a jackass."

"Ranma, language!" his mother chided.

"Yes, Momma!" he replied automatically. The rest of his mind was on grabbing the jumper, the blouse and dashing into the changing portion of the bath. Strangely enough, he suffered minor qualms about wearing boxers and not having either a bra or socks. 'Wait! Water!' Ranma bent and turned the valve for cold water on in the sink beside the small tub long enough for a trickle to change his gender. 'Now, I'm ready!'

Her mother was waiting just outside the door. "Ranma-chan, you cannot possibly go to school like that!"

Ranma balked. "This part covers me well enough," she said pulling the dress's neckline away to show she was not wearing, and by means of obscuration did not need, a bra beneath her blouse.

Nodoka gasped in shock. "Get back in th-"

"I'll be late, Mom!"

"Get back in there and I'll be right back. You are _not_ going to school like that, Daughter! It's bad enough your hair needs brushing and you aren't wearing makeup but going to school half-dressed is _completely_ unacceptable, young lady."

"Huh?" Ranma eloquently asked as her mother forced her backward into the small change area and shut the door between them leaving her confused and with a growing sense of unease.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Shampoo sighed in delight. The sun was up and she was not. The air outside was cool but her blankets were warm and cozy. This was the absolute best part of the day, even if it allowed too much time to reflect.

Going to a Japanese school last week had turned into one of the most humiliating experiences in her entire life. Every one of those foreigners, nearly all of them non-warriors, witnessed the huge prank that had been played at her expense. 'Aiya, I am _so_ very glad no one from home but Mousse and Great Grandmother know about it.' That reminded her she had to speak to that fool and get him to keep his mouth shut; hopefully, forever.

She could hear pots clanking and other activities in the kitchen downstairs. 'Mousse should be at least half-done preparing the vegetables for lunch. Great Grandmother should have breakfast warm on the stove.' Shampoo rolled onto her side and pulled the covers over her head. Faintly, she could hear the telephone ring but it, too, was downstairs. Thankfully, it stopped. 'Someone got it. Good, now I can sleep.'

"Shampoo, are you up, yet?" she heard Cologne yell in her gravelly old voice from the bottom of the stair well.

She pulled the covers down below her chin to answer, "I am up!" and promptly covered her head, again.

A few precious seconds later, her honored Elder called back, "Principal Kuno from Furinkan High School said this is National Truancy Awareness Prevention Week and he would like to have you and mister Part-time continue your education. Class begins in half an hour."

Groaning inwardly, she yelled through the covers, "I have to work in our restaurant. Tell him that."

A moment later, Cologne relayed the answer. "He says you can always work late afternoons and evenings after school. I must say I like that idea. I can find enough help to handle lunch. You and Mousse can handle the younger crowd during evenings. Are you really up or are you still lazing about in bed?"

"I'm up, I'm up!" she replied stretching the truth just a little. She knew she'd have to crawl out of bed in a minute. 'Damn those old-people and their secret hearing techniques!' Sometimes it seemed her ancient ancestor's ears were sharper than her own. 'Old people _should_ go deaf!'

"The school principal thinks you are still in bed, Shampoo, and if either you or Mousse are late, he says he will give you a proper haircut!" Cologne called once again up the stairwell.

"Uuhrrgh!" she grunted through her teeth in frustration and flopped the top edge of the covers down over her middle. She glared violently at the ceiling lit by diffuse light through the sheer drapes of her two small windows and the floor below them. Resigned to a waste of a perfectly good morning, she sat up and put on the slippers by the side of her bed.

Shampoo shuffled toward the window, slipping her hands behind her neck to straighten out her hair from its nightly tangle. There was no direct sun this morning. Clouds or haze obscured it and the air felt cool and damp. 'Yuck, the dry air of home is much better than this,' she thought, although she knew the humidity helped her nose. Pulling the curtain aside, she screamed, "Iyaaaaa!" and leapt backward preparing her defense.

Hanging upside down by his feet, which were hooked over a telephone wire strung from the Nekohanten a few feet outside her window, Principal Kuno grinned at her like some demon heard of only in mythology. Bright flowery shirt, desert tan skin, bizarre topknot, all accentuated by the bright yellow telephone handset held in his left hand connected by a stretched-looking curly yellow wire to… Shampoo approached cautiously while he continued grinning upside down and glanced to the side out the window finding the tiny family servant hugging a telephone pole. Little clips from the end of the curly yellow cord poked out of a confused mess of wires within the gray box she'd never seen opened.

"Shampoo-san be out of bed, now. All waihine an' keiki hurry or…" that horrid man said in his odd dialect and pulled forth a small silvery device, working its hinge between his fingers. Shampoo realized the oddity was a pair of fancy scissors, scissors for cutting hair. He let go of the handset and it sprung back toward its tiny keeper, the house servant.

Just as she realized she was staring out the window at a man who had been reporting everything to her great grandmother, Shampoo also remembered she was wearing nothing more than an over-sized tee shirt and pyajama bottoms, though they did cover her well enough when she glanced down at them. They just were not fit for battle. The man dropped to the street yelling, "Sasuke, next address!" leaving her little opportunity to recover any dignity as a warrior.

Her bedroom door banged open. "Shampoo! I heard a scream!" The fool was inconveniently wearing his glasses.

"Mousse, OUT!" she yelled shaking a fist at him. 'I thought I broke his habit of using any excuse to enter my bedroom.

"Mr. Part-time was merely concerned for you. You did, after all, shriek like a frightened child, girl," her ancestor added revealing her presence in the doorway as Mousse stumbled back out in a satisfying panic.

Shampoo chuffed, "Your aging hearing must have confused my cry of challenge. You should probably have that checked by one of these foreign doctors."

Cologne grinned showing her stained and chipped peg-like teeth. "You children had better get ready for school or that cute principal of yours might give you some awkward haircuts."

Shampoo's thoughts blew away like the mountain winds, momentarily. While they eluded her, Mousse used his tiny duck brain to good effect. "I will _not_ dress as a girl ever again! I'm not strange like Saotome. If Kuno so much as _touches_ mine or Shampoo's hair, he will regret his impudence! And how can you possibly think that demented maniac is _cute?_Maybe we should have your head checked, too, you withered- Urk!" Mousse's rant was cut off by his elder's staff ringing his skull. If Mousse used his keen intelligence to state the obvious he clearly did not have enough left to keep from running his mouth. Yet, he did bring up some good points. Shampoo was not going to cross-dress and further compound her indignity. Neither would she allow that monster to cut a single hair on her head. Lastly, it seemed her ancestor was entering the dream world that preceded death for those Elders who reached such an over-ripe age.

"Mousse, let's switch uniforms! Hurry~!" she yelled leaping at her clothes rack to grab the offensive male uniform. Her childhood friend and nuisance wobbled a moment in the doorway holding the side of his head and straightened his glasses before ducking out, presumably to his room. Elder Cologne cackled madly but Shampoo knew better than to point out her great grandmother's flaws so impolitely and sometimes it was best to tacitly humor her with the appearance of obedience. She picked out some underwear and met Mousse in the narrow hall for the exchange on her way to the wash room down the stairway and toward the back of the restaurant.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma hurried along the sidewalk as fast as she could without being in an unladylike run. Her face still felt hot from embarrassment, not at being dressed as a girl student but from the running monologue her mother provided on how to walk, talk and look like a well-groomed and proper young woman, all so she could better attract boys. The larger her selection pool, the better, her mother explained and it did not matter one bit whether she was dating, engaged or married because there were plenty of signs she could use to indicate she was not available. The point was to make men _wish_ she was available, thereby raising her status among women. A woman's pride is in her ability to attract a good man, properly keep him and provide good children. Women who slack off and allow their image to deteriorate will also let other responsibilities deteriorate, too, and it was not all about looks or age, either. Classy beauty, kindness, wisdom, eloquence, culture, even handwriting (Ick!), all these traits are skills her mother admonished her to study diligently. A husband who is a man among men is only half a woman's power. The rest must come from being a great woman, herself. In other words, her mother wanted Ranma to study everything she truly sucked at _and_ she suspected her mother would push hard for her to be a more feminine when she's a girl.

That was why she was hurrying to school and trying not to look it. 'Momma's pretty strict about this stuff,' she reflected. Ranma narrowly missed having her mother walk _with_ her to school but, after gaining approval on her change of underwear, Nodoka focused on hair and makeup running the clock dangerously close to lateness and her mother apparently did not power-walk, anywhere; power-lecture was a different story. Ranma first started pointing out the narrow window of time as a means to get away but her mother's speed-lecture continued while her hands rapidly feminized her appearance. She still winced at the memory on her walk to school and hoped no one would comment on her improved appearance over last week's prank on the Joketsu where she could hear.

Up ahead, Furinkan's outer wall finally came into view and she followed it toward the entrance and its big iron gate. Students were dashing through the open maw in alarming contrast to normal days but Ranma had promised her mother she would walk properly and not betray the growing panic she felt. Her left hand balled into a fist. She grit her teeth and tightly gripped the handle of her bag while approaching the gate. Relief flooded her when she saw Principal Kuno was not there waiting. Still, she walked fast. After all, who knew where he might be. The central clock over the school's entrance showed she had a whole four minutes to get to class. Ranma smiled to herself on a job well done while students ran by flinging doors open and themselves inside.

Her smile died a horrible death when, following a tall second-year girl dashing through the left middle of the four doors, she glimpsed the Principal standing watch in the hall just beyond the genkan and its rows of shoe-lockers. His ever-present toothy smile and proud palm topknot made her want to hit him. 'Stay calm. You're early by at least three minutes,' she thought. His right hand held a pair of clippers and his left held a deceptively innocent looking coconut. The first bell had already rung. He was probably waiting for the second.

At her locker, Ranma changed into the pair of shoes Nabiki obtained for her, held her head high and hoped to walk by without incident. "Good morning, Principal Kuno," she said keeping a wary eye on his implements of destruction.

"Good morning little wahine," he replied losing a little of the viciousness in his smile. "Better get to class 'fore the second bell." Ranma nodded and gulped nervously as she fought not to break into a run. The Principal tucked the coconut in the crook of his right arm, put a finger each to the three little dimples and twisted. The fruit, or nut, whatever it was, made a ratcheting sound and Ranma focused on power-walking toward her classroom. She did not figure on encountering the _other_ Kuno.

"Pigtailed girl!" Tatewaki exclaimed pelting down the last steps of the stairs.

"Not now, Kuno," she ground out through her teeth in warning. Any delay could mean an assault on her hair.

"Your beauty is unsurpassed. Your radiance outshines even the sun!" he said, totally ignoring her. "For many minutes, nay, hours I watched for you from the school's battlements on high, concerned your beauty would become tarnished by my relative's vile plan to oppress our youth during census week."

Ranma tried to get by without violence that might be marked by the principal, she really did, but Tatewaki blocked her path, matching her step for step and intentionally getting in her way. It looked increasingly like she would have to disobey her mother and do something unladylike. "Really, I got t' get to class, _now!" _A heavy thump and skidding sound drew her attention back to the Principal where she found he'd tossed the coconut into the locker area.

Turning back to the younger nut, she opened her mouth to declare that he either move, or die. He interrupted her, instead. "Many times you have defeated me. Your interest is plain and at least the equal of the exuberant Fierce Flower, Tendo Aka-" The second bell sounded, followed shortly by a muffled explosion, more of a pop and hiss, that drew her attention again to the school's entrance. An unfortunately late student burst out of a gray cloud billowing around the lockers only to fall, paralyzed by the elder Kuno's feet. Hair flew leaving a perfect bowl-cut on the hapless girl's head.

The Principal turned to them next. "School be in session and you two be late," he said with a smile that held all of his previous viciousness and more.

Ranma gasped at how unfair her life had become. 'That wasn't three minutes! The clock's messed up!' She whirled on the younger idiot and said, "This is _your_ fault."

She was ignored, again. "Evil parent, you shall not harm the smallest flaming tress on my belov-"

Ranma's patience expired so she improvised a new attack. Grabbing Tatewaki's right arm, she pulled, pivoted and bent, tossing him head-over-heals at his father. "Blue Thunder Bomber!" she called her attack. Tatewaki tumbled in the air and righted himself in an aerial charge at the elder Kuno, bokken first. Wood chips flew as both men, or boys, depending on how she looked at it, battled. She turned and fled toward class.

Forget being a lady, Ranma _ran_ as the Principal bellowed at his progeny, "Where be da uniform?"

"Aaaah! Back fiendish miscreant from the deepest bowels of- Ah, no! Back, I say!"

Ranma slid the rear door to her classroom open and closed it behind in less than a second. Chibi-Hinako-sensei eyed her suspiciously. She laughed nervously back and kept her eyes on the teacher while crossing the aisles to the window row and cautiously walking up the last one toward her seat. The Joketsu pair sat side-by-side in the last two seats and were dressed remarkably normally, except that Mousse's clothes looked tight and exposed a lot of arm and leg. In front of Mousse, Konatsu turned and smiled graciously from his seat behind Ukyou, whose eyebrows rose asking fifty questions in a glance. Both looked perfectly natural cross-dressing as they normally did. Ranma stopped at her customary third seat from the front, tucked her skirt under her legs and slid into the chair at her desk forcing a smile toward her teacher. Her eyes slid momentarily away from the diminutive instructor toward the slack-jawed, blushing fiancée beside her. 'Oh, shit!' she mentally panicked at Akane's expression and returned her attention to Miss Hinako.

Hinako-sensei maintained a level glare walking up the aisle between she and Akane the while twisting the stem of a sucker lodged deep in her mouth. Ranma quietly hung her book bag on the desk's hanger not daring to look away. The apparent seven or eight year old's lollipop hand was not the threat. The sucker made a moist pop when her teacher abruptly pulled it out. "Happo go-en satsu!" Hinako cried out, pulling her other hand out of her skirt pocket with a five yen coin between index and middle finger. She held it toward Ranma and sucked chi, point blank. Trapped sitting at her desk, she tried to fight the drain but lost miserably.

"Hey, that's mi-" Akane began to protest indignantly from her seat next to Ranma only to stop when the coin moved to point directly at her. Her fiancée abruptly abandoned Ranma to her fate and tried to hide an atomic blush behind her opened textbook.

'At least she tried to stand up for me,' Ranma thought, striving to ignore the trickle of drool pooling on the desk under her cheek while she recovered.

Being an awesome martial artist, she was soon sitting back upright patting her face and desk dry with an embarrassing, lace-trimmed, white handkerchief provided by her none other than her dear mother. Her massive chi reserves slowly regenerated throughout the lecture leaving her feeling particularly vulnerable to both furtive glances and outright stares of her classmates. Akane, for some reason, was one of the former. Every time Ranma caught her sneaking a glance, Akane's eyes darted away as if she was embarrassed to look. It was humiliating.

"That will be enough for today," their adult teacher primly announced, sparing another withering glance across the entire class.

'Ha,' Ranma thought bitterly, 'teacher's only grown up still 'cause it was _me_ she sucked.'

"Stand," the class representative announced leading the group out of their chairs and ending Ranma's nearly 40 minutes of uninterrupted doodling. Someone had to when the teacher would not. "Bow," came the expected command. Ranma did so and used the opportunity to close her notebook.

Some of her drawings might be construed wrong, if anyone could tell what they were. Admittedly, her attempts to draw some of the foods she'd seen over the weekend were not as good as a professional artist but a small part of her worried that it might be construed as girly. And then there was the horrid rendition of Baimei she'd started and erased leaving a scarred smear that still looked worse than one of her attempts in yochien, also known as kindergarten. 'Not that I stayed in Wakayama very long before Pop took me to the temples in Nara,' she thought with a frown.

"Wow, Ranma, you look really nice!" Akane startled her with the enthusiastic compliment, slipping between her chair and the desk behind the moment the teacher left. Her female iinazuke practically _glowed_ happiness at her. The youngest Tendo daughter was in a shockingly good mood and it lifted her spirits even as she felt a spike of regret over the weekend's omiai. Even more amazingly, Akane's hands sought hers and Ranma found her left hand held tightly between.

A couple of pokes to her right shoulder brought Ranma's attention to Ukyou, who asked, "Hey, what gives," eyeing the hair and makeup, "and how did your omiai go?"

Ranma swallowed, hard. Then, she did it again. Everyone in class seemed to have heard Ukyou's question. A warm pulse of something flowed into her hand and Ranma returned her attention to Akane. "Ah, er…" What was she going to say, I got engaged, again? 'Wait, what was the question?' Akane's thumb was rubbing her palm distractingly so she reclaimed her hand. It was more difficult than it should have been but it was not as if her fiancée could just keep it.

By then, maybe a third the girls in class appeared to be drifting closer to hear whatever hastily concocted explanation Ranma had yet to think of. She turned back to Ukyou and found her friend's gaze less happy and more intent on Akane. "C'mon, Ran-chan, we need to talk." Without waiting for her agreement, Ukyou took her by the shoulders and turned her around to march up the aisle, turn right and continue on out of the classroom.

"What's goin' on, U-chan?" Ranma asked, shaking the weird feeling out of her arm. Akane seemed to have used some kind of pressure point.

"Wait, I'm coming, too!" Akane declared, chasing after them.

"No, you're not," Ukyou called back over her shoulder as she steered Ranma up the hall toward the girls' washroom.

"Yes, I am. She's _my_ fiancée," Akane returned and, by the sound of her voice, was catching up.

Ranma abruptly halted in front of the door to keep from running into another first-year just coming out and tried to ignore the curious stare, even if it was technically impolite of the slightly chubby girl from another class. 'Not as if _I'm_ a model of politeness,' she decided. 'I s'pose that's gonna change,' she considered thinking of her mother's new hobby and the certain doom it engendered.

A moment later, she was shoved into the restroom. "Everyone out!" Ukyou barked reminding Ranma of some of the rougher schools he'd been to where Yankees ruled. Her friend sounded like a tough from Osaka but that was just how she sounded sometimes. Ranma knew Ukyou was actually pretty nice but could not help coming off like some punk leader of a Yankee gang. Nevertheless, the one girl at the sink turned off the water and darted out with her hands still wet and handkerchief hanging from her mouth. Someone in the second stall hurriedly pulled at the roll of paper.

Ukyou turned her around and Ranma found herself looking up into her buddy's fierce determination; a look that usually only happened when she had her gargantuan spatula out and ready to do some serious cooking or bodily injury. Ranma glanced around her friend and saw Akane wringing her hands while looking equally fierce in an odd dichotomy. Shampoo had her arms crossed leaning against the inside the door wearing a baggy-looking female Furinkan uniform for the first time ever and a look of curiosity. Ranma's sakkijutsu was getting downright worn out, today, and it wasn't even second period, yet.

A flush and soft hiss of clothing drew her attention back to the stall. The door opened a crack. "Hi," Ranma said amicably giving the sliver of face with long bangs over the eyes a casual wave of the hand. The girl swung the door open and headed to the sink before spotting the other occupants and deciding to leave without washing. Ranma sighed, internally, thinking, 'Can't blame her. The girls can get kind o' violent, sometimes.' Ironically, Ranma forgot to include herself in that statement, or the fact she did not count herself a girl and just happened to be in the girl's washroom, or consider that the four most powerful and violent young women in the school, and maybe the district, had just claimed this space for a private meeting.

"Ran-chan," Ukyou said once the gang was finally alone, "watch out for Tendo-san. She's learnin' perverted ki attacks." She let go of Ranma's shoulders to point an accusatory glare back at a paling Akane.

"Ah, wait! It's not p- I mean, it's part of my family style! I can't _not_ learn it, right?" her fiancée's protest turned into a plead.

Ranma, wide-eyed, dropped her gaze to her left hand and shook it, again. "So that's what it was," she muttered.

"I fig'red so," Ukyou said reaching over her shoulder for her spatula.

"U-chan, hold on!" Ranma said in alarm. "I fixed it, see," she said, waving her hand out so her friend could examine it, as if any of them were skilled enough to tell just by looking.

"It's the _school,_ not me," Akane put in.

"I know," Ranma replied, surprising the rest of them. "Tendo-san and Jiji are forcing you to learn perverted techniques so you can be a master of your half of the school."

"Y-yes, that's _right!"_ Akane enthusiastically replied.

"_No,_ that's _not_ right," Ukyou fired back. "She _is_ perverted. She tried her ki attack on me. It messed me up, Ran-chan. You can't trust her."

"Look, can we talk about this later?" Akane asked. "The bell for second period is about to ring."

"So?" Ranma and Shampoo returned almost simultaneously. Ranma's eyes met with her echo's guarding the door but wrote it off as coincidence. Still, it was nice to sync with someone about such a common nuisance as school. "Look, U-chan, my parents said I had t' give Akane an' the Tendo family one more shot. I'm stayin' with them this week an'… and if it don't work out…" Ranma found she'd painted herself into a corner. She really, _really_ did not want to say any more but the way the girls were entirely focused, Ranma knew this would not end well.

"Well…" Ukyou prompted. Shampoo left her post at the door and joined Akane and Ukyou in trapping her on three sides against the long sink counter.

"Well…" Ranma repeated. Now, _she_ was the one fidgeting. She was sweating this explanation because it only led one direction. "I-I… m-married s-soon," she muttered with a stutter.

"What, what was that?" Akane asked.

Ranma absently twirled a lock of hair, avoiding everyone's stares by looking up over Ukyou's shoulder. "N-next weekend I tell the Shimeru if I'm marrying Baimei-san, or I'm m-marrying Akane-san. Th-that's all," she said with a weak giggle. "An' then there'll be a wedding."

Ukyou pulled her into a tight hug. Ranma fought to maintain her composure but lost it when she saw Akane over her friend's shoulder crying silent tears while trying to smile, herself. Ranma gasped and choked on a sob.

"You said you'd come back," Akane cried sounding more hopeless than Ranma ever heard before.

"I did," Ranma croaked. "We… we got one more chance. Pop said I should do anything you say – let you do anything you want, even if it's perverted, an' then… then I got t' decide. I'm sorry, Akane."

"She's totally perverted, Ran-chan," Ukyou reminded her as she broke the hug. Unspoken among them all was the implication she would be having sex with Akane. Ukyou and Shampoo seemed as subdued as Ranma.

Akane smiled through tears, pulling her handkerchief to blot her eyes. "Don't worry, Ranma," She said in a tremulous voice, "by next weekend, I'm sure you will choose me without any regrets." The school's bell tolled through the speaker system, forestalling further comments. Akane reclaimed Ranma's hand and dragged her back to class with Ukyou and Shampoo whispering as they followed. "I love you and I'm going to prove it, Ranma-chan," Akane said before passing the threshold to their classroom.

Second period's math lesson dragged the same way it always did – right up to the point where a tall sempai slid the front door forcefully open. His student uniform was spotless and perfectly pressed. His hair was shaved close and neat and he bore a bokken, the wooden practice sword of the kendo world. "Pig-tail- Nay, yon fiery-tressed goddess of _bounty,_ art thy shimmering strands of perfection truly safe from mine own mad ancestor, or does your radiance and that of yon fierce tigress blind me?"

"Bounty?" Ranma enquired, trying to parse the aged syntax. Perfection seemed like a good word for her, though.

"Kuno-kun, you are disturbing this class. Please return to your own classroom," the overweight and balding old math teacher said without so much as glancing Tatewaki's way.

She knew what it was like to get her head shaved. It had happened a few times in her ten years of travel. The most recent time was because of bugs after a stopover in Quanzhou to rest in a crowded apartment. Before that, it was always priests, monks and, of course, school. She hated it. Now, Kuno, who prided himself on his own hair, had been shaved because of her. 'That moron can't make me feel guilty,' she thought, steeling herself. Others in the classroom were less reticent about mentioning the changes.

"Oh, my, Kuno-sempai, what happened to your hair?" one girl asked.

"Was it the Principal?" another asked right over the first's question.

"He's in a _uniform,"_ a boy said in awe.

Soon, the class was in an uproar, which the teacher ignored and continued to write notes on the blackboard. Tatewaki strode inside, crossing to the window aisle and striding right up to stop just before hers and Akane's desks. "I see you have not been harmed or suffered the shame my father inflicts upon others for his amusement," Kuno finally said, actually sounding bitter.

"Ranma?" Akane prompted.

She winced at the sight of his closely clipped hair, obviously mangled due to the struggle. Kuno would not go down without a fight, she knew, and he would not _stay_ down, either. 'Maybe that's why he rebounds so fast,' she speculated thinking of growing up under Principal coconut-head. "S-sempai," she stuttered, "if it's any consolation, my Pop always said it makes you look manly." Barely a heartbeat after she said it, she cursed herself for letting her mouth run, again. "I… I mean, the cut blows chunks but lots o' guys have t' put up with it. It _will_ grow out, you know." His face twisted with emotion such that she thought he might start crying. "The rest of the kendo team cut theirs, right?" she blurted out in an attempt to avoid him making a scene. _'Please_ don't dump this on me.' In desperation she asked, "What happened to 'I fight on?'"

An instant later, Tatewaki's resolve returned. "You are surely correct my golden goddess of flaming coif. I cannot let this affront go unpunished." Spinning on his heel, Kuno walked back to the front of the class, raised his bokken and declared, "I fight on for my true loves!" while nodding toward hers and Akane's direction.

"Please just leave," the teacher tiredly requested.

For a wonder, Kuno did just that, pausing in the doorway to poke his bokken down the hall aisle. "You, I shall see after classes," he said, pointing his bokken at Mousse, who adjusted his glasses and nodded back.

When everyone filed out of the room in the ten minutes between second and third period, Ranma was forced to explain how she had been "rescued" from the elder Kuno by the younger. The special attack, Blue Thunder Bomber, was less well received than the fact Tatewaki had "saved" her but Ranma was still happy to relay the story, which grew more dramatic each telling. It was the best thing she could think of to keep people from asking why she was a girl this today, too, after last week's debacle.

Soon enough, she found herself following a large knot of girls, and Konatsu, that merged with another group coming from class C and remembered this was her usual Monday metal shop. Ranma tried to turn around in a half-hearted attempt to go somewhere _else_ she didn't belong but was at least familiar with, when Akane took her hand and pulled her along. A queue formed and, just inside the door, Ranma was forced to take off her indoor shoes like everyone else and store them after stepping up onto a large, raised tatami floor. All around was a sea of nearly identical uniforms with Ukyou being the lone stand-out.

Ranma threw a look of bewilderment over to Ukyou and soon her friend joined them as everyone lined up in widely spaced rows and waited. The teacher walked in and the class representative called everyone to greet her. "What class is this?" Ranma whispered. Akane squeezed her hand in response and Ranma decided to shut up and find out.

"Ladies, I have graded your work," the teacher announced sitting properly in front of a pair of large cardboard boxes marked 1C and 1A, which was Ranma's class and also the only time she had ever been placed so high. The woman was overweight and Ranma supposed she could pull off a good jovial appearance, if she felt like it. "Come up when I call your name." Curious, Ranma tried to figure out what was in the boxes while the teacher started pulling bundles out. "Aida-kun," the woman said and a girl from a row back and the opposite end smoothly got up and crossed the tatami to kneel before the teacher and receive the package. "Nice job on the stitching."

Ranma peered around as the girls began getting their sewing projects back. Each also received a brief comment, either compliment or encouragement, for which the student thanked the teacher. They all seemed to have made a pillow of some kind with a design stitched on it. The size varied almost as widely as the colors and other decorations. There were a few looks of disappointment upon opening the paper note pinned to the front. The alphabet ran out and the teacher traded the 1C box for the 1A box starting over with Ito, Ibuki, Otose and so on until Kotobara. Ukyou picked up hers and quietly sighed after peeking at her note.

Ranma was relieved the next name was Sato instead of hers because she had no recollection of making a pillow. 'Oh, crap, I wonder how bad I did on that toolbox?' Her face began to redden just thinking about it.

Taguchi was called next and Akane gave her hand another squeeze. "Tendo-kun," the teacher called. Akane let go and Ranma watched her stiffly approach the heavy-set woman and kneel to receive a misshapen black ball with loosely rolling black disks inside plastic domes on white backgrounds for eyes. A big pink button marked the nose and the "face" was ringed with a checkered bandanna. Ranma rolled her own eyes but refrained from commenting. She did not want to die in a dress. Her fiancée returned to sit with a figurative raincloud overhead and Ranma suddenly understood why Akane did not want to let go of her hand. It truly sucked to be told your only talent as an artist was in breaking things so she did the only thing she could think of; offer her hand to hold, again. Ranma tried not to look at the other students, even Ukyou and Konatsu beside her, because she felt sure the other girls in the class were watching. She gave Akane's hand another brief squeeze while the teacher finished with Wakabe-san. She _did _kind of like the alphabetical order method of handing out grades instead of starting with the top grades and working down.

"I see we have another new student," the teacher said looking directly at her. "I am Tanaka Tomomi. Please stand and introduce yourself."

Ranma slowly rose to her feet and bowed, just a hair late on putting her hands together. "Saotome Ranma, sorry about this," she said and returned to her place on the tatami between Akane and Ukyou.

"All right, ladies, we are starting a new design, today, so please give it your best. Your final project for the year is a quilted futon for a blanket or kotatsu cover and I want you all to work in groups, this time. Each person in the group will have one pattern of cloth to make all of the shapes the rest of her group needs to finish her quilt and each must quilt patterns from everyone else in the group. I will explain more once you find your partners. Now, find your groups, ladies, no less than three and no more than six," the teacher instructed.

"Aw, man," Ranma groused under her breath. It seemed she could not get away from arts and crafts even by getting sucked into the girl's class. "I'm gonna be bad at this. I just know it," she muttered. Akane's grip on her hand was as tight as a starfish on a clam reminding her that Akane would probably not be coming to the rescue on _this_ test of skill. Her fiancée was a master with math and sciences and pretty far ahead in language, geography and just about anything else, anything except arts and crafts, just like herself. 'Damnit!'

Ranma thought her day would be ruined by this new girly-class but she was wrong. Her group included Shampoo, Ukyou, Akane and, best of all, Konatsu, who turned out to be their trump card. He already knew how to quilt and make futons out of everything from fancy new strips of cloth to twine and piles of old newspaper, which the teacher expressly forbid the moment she heard the discussion. "Size is everything," he said. "At least, that is what my step-sisters told me. Each piece has to be the same size or it will not fit together right. Take it from me, I found out the hard way."

For some reason, Akane found that funny and Ukyou found it strange but, to Ranma, it made perfect sense. "Yeah, if the pieces aren't right, it'll look all weird."

Still, deciding on the group members was not as easy as she first thought. Akane wanted to be with her but also wanted to bring Yuka and Sayuri but Ukyou wanted to "keep an eye on things" and Konatsu automatically included himself bringing the count to six and leaving out their Chinese former adversary, who stood aloof, as if on guard duty, and would not join any other group, nor was she asked. Ranma finally relented and Akane's friends gracefully bowed out. The whole process was awkward, to say the least.

The rest of the class was spent passing around photo-books and magazines of quilted futon designs while Tanaka-sensei explained how quilts were made. Their assignment for the week was to figure out what colors and patterns to go shopping. The teacher also explained the batting and said to look for that, too, when they went shopping this week and to bring everything next Monday. Ranma was not at all sure she would be _in_ this class next week but she did know metal shop sucked worse. 'Why couldn't we make a sword or knife – something useful? A blanket is a _hundred_ times more useful than a box for tools I don't own.' Ranma weighed the traded classes and tentatively leaned toward her new one. 'Akane-chan, U-chan, Konatsu-chan and a not-annoying Shampoo-chan in a girly but not totally useless class versus Daisuke-kun, Hiroshi-kun and a totally annoying Mousse in a manly class where I can make useless crap,' she thought, building the list.

Ranma still felt guilty for separating Sayuri and Yuka from Akane, even if her thoughts were mixed on whether partnering with the clumsy tomboy was a good idea, and so approached them after class. Rubbing the nape of her neck was a nervous habit that carried over even when the longer bits from both sides were pulled up and back tightly held in place with her ponytail by a fat, plastic barrette of tiny, randomly-spaced blue irises on a white background. '_Please_, no one comment on it,' she thought. Aloud, she said, "Er… sorry, guys. I'll prob'ly go back t' stupid metal shop soon as I get a men's uniform or Principal Koukou-_nut_ lays off so maybe, ehhh…" She shrugged and spared each of them a meaningful glance hoping they would read correctly that there may be an opening in group, soon.

"Oh, don't worry about us," Yuka replied, perhaps overly accommodatingly. Sayuri did not bother to hide her pinched smile. Ranma smiled back feigning her thanks, as painful as the situation was.

"Yeah, don't worry, Ranma," Akane said, verbally leaping to her rescue, "it's just one class project and besides we can still work together on a lot of it like shopping and making the squares, even putting them together."

"Ah, eh, er… all right," Ranma allowed as she watched the silent interplay between Sayuri and Akane, then Yuka and the other two. "I… gotta get back t' class," she announced and quickly moved ahead to catch up with the rest of the group from class 1A. Aside from being the odd man out in a group of girls, she was also the odd man out in a class of decent students, at least as Furinkan defines them. Next year, there was no doubt in her mind she would be sitting in class 2D or 2E, whatever represented the bottom group of the year. Akane would _not_ be in her class, not even if she messed up all of her finals. Neither would Ukyou. 'Maybe Konatsu?' she wondered, feeling hopeful but the confused ninja was also a genius; weird but still a genius. 'And he's pretty nice compared to most guys I know.'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Akane watched her fiancée deftly weave her way ahead through the throng of female students on their way back to the classroom. "Why do you even put up with him?" she heard Sayuri complain. "He's so weird _and_ he's a pervert." Akane often wondered that herself but Ranma brought excitement to her life and he was hers, which was nice, when he wasn't being a jerk. Lately, he had been a lot less of a jerk, too, and she found herself less concerned with his being an ignorant yokel; especially once she'd learned that Ranma would be taking _her_ name. "Are you okay with actually _marrying_ that guy?" Sayuri asked.

Yuka gave a mild snort. "He was not _that_ bad, not today at least, but he turns into a girl. There is no _possible_ way I could deal with that."

Glancing at each of her friends and tilting her head toward the side of the hall, Akane indicated the three of them should have a more private conversation. Once they had loitered long enough to gain a space of their own in a private triangle, she made her first, concerted effort to explain. "Until recently, I didn't really understand the arrangement my father made. You see," she said, stopping to lick her lips and work her suddenly dry mouth, "Ranma is supposed to marry into _my_ family." She could see Yuka's "yeah, but" coming and added. "Saotome Ranma is a _very_ good martial artist. He's even better than _me._ A _lot_ better. You can't get that way by studying for school. Take it from me. You thought _I_ was obsessed with my family's school. _He_ thinks about it even when he's _not_ thinking about it and trains at least ten times more than he studies for class."

Yuka would not be denied, "But he's still not what I would call a good husband, much less an intelligent one."

"He's not even a _husband_," Sayuri said in a hushed tone, eyeing the students passing.

'That's _my_ problem, not yours,' Akane thought back in silent rebuke. "You don't understand just how _powerful_ Ranma is."

"He can go toe-to-toe with the Kuno family, I'll give him that," Sayuri allowed.

"No, you don't know. All you two have seen of Ranma are his 'nice' matches with opponents," Akane whispered. She did not want to go into detail on some of the less polite contests. Instead, she stepped closer to her friends, invading their personal space, enough to make her point more emphatic but also to lower her voice even further. "He has enough power to turn half the school into a smoking crater," she said, perhaps over-embellishing. "He… he fought someone… to save my life. I helped him, of course, but he and… this bad guy… destroyed part of a mountain and flooded the valley below. _I _don't have anywhere _near_ that kind of power. When I look at Ranma- I'm learning to _see_ and _feel_ the strength of… people. You have no idea… and he's _mine."_ Akane declined to explain _how_ she was learning to detect the strength of one's chi because it was less relevant and more embarrassing. She held each of her friend's gazes a moment but received little indication they were convinced.

Sighing, she gave them a nod and the three of them walked together back to class with nothing resolved. 'I hope they reconsider Ranma,' she thought as they separated toward their desks. Ranma had set a lot of people against him during the first month he came to stay at her house. Almost getting her head chopped off by Ranma's middle-school rival, whom she'd later come to think of as a friend and kindred spirit, had enraged both of her friends. They were always polite to Ranma but never more than that. His various adventures within Furinkan Koukou earned him as much a reputation for being where the trouble was, as respect for helping out the students. It evened out but never leaned in his favor, except when his services were needed.

No one wanted to be too closely associated with him except the few friends he had. Of them, Kuonji Ukyou had developed a strong following, enough that Akane knew of some rumors to nominate the chef as the next class President. This gave Ukyou a sort of immunity but it did not go the other way for Ranma. His two other friends have been heard saying some creepy things. 'It's as if they hang out with him just to get near _me!'_ Ranma took it all in stride, at least, she thought so, but those two _boys'_ idle talk cost him almost as much credibility as when he opens his own mouth.

Akane's musings were cut short by the arrival of their next teacher. She stood and bowed with the class and retook her seat while the teacher prepared for the lecture on world history. To her left, Ranma had pulled her notebook from her bag and was most likely going to doodle or take notes, which, in any case, would probably be such an illegible scribble that Akane could hardly tell the difference between them.

A very nice volume barrette held her fiancée's hair back in a semi-neat ponytail. Ranma's bangs needed trimming if she were going to pass for anything but scruffy. Even so, the light from the window lit her hair so it shimmered like bright gold and polished copper over the deeper red beneath. Her form was both lithe and full. She was a picture of perfect health and exotic, almost foreign, beauty with a slight tan to match the golden highlights in her hair. Ranma's eyes, she knew, matched the small irises on her barrette and guessed it was her mother's influence and play on the homonym on the common form of her fiancée's nickname, Ranko. She looked pretty enough to contend for a teen idol contract. Knowing how much chi Ranma had, even if Akane's developing sense for it through martial arts training was still difficult, activated her newly liberated libido. Her breath quickened at the thought of taking liberties with both of Ranma's bodies.

"Tendo-kun," the teacher prompted, sounding like it was not the first time he'd called.

"Here!" she replied, tearing her eyes from Ranma's bright blue clueless ones and facing the history teacher.

Time passed quickly while she divided her attention between plans, dreams and world history. When the class finally stood and the teacher dismissed them for lunch, Akane found herself frantically thinking about how to approach Ranma for a lunch date involving only the two of them. Kuonji Ukyou interfered like always and Shampoo was not far behind, having left her desk for Mousse to guard and set out lunch.

"All right, Ran-chan, spill it," Ukyou demanded, giving a light tug on Ranma's ponytail to get her attention.

Her fiancée turned around beside her chair and asked, "Spill what?" though her tone betrayed her as knowing perfectly well what the topic would be. The patently innocent and helpless look was an unnecessary, but dead, giveaway.

"Mousse, bring Shampoo's desk and chair," the provincial Chinese nuisance commanded.

Ranma hesitated. In fact, she blanched. 'Not a good sign,' Akane decided. She turned her desk around, making a point of butting it up against the side of Ranma's, and moved her chair. "Ranma," she prompted, pointing at his own desk and chair. Her fiancée gave a twitchy smile in return but accepted the excuse to break eye-contact with Ukyou. Soon, Akane sat across from Shampoo with Ukyou likewise across from Ranma. The four of them formed a square but the square quickly developed wings with Mousse moving up beside Shampoo and Konatsu squeezing into the gap next to the window.

"I didn't bring a lunch, today," Ranma announced. It was either a pathetic attempt at a diversion and escape or a masterful plan to get free food. Akane had to think about that one and decided the two concepts were not mutually exclusive when it came to her fiancée. Whatever Ranma hoped to accomplish, it was food he got, from Shampoo, through Mousse who happened to have an extra bowl of pork ramen, and Ukyou, who kept a stack of still-steaming okonomiyaki in an insulated wooden box of impressive size for herself, Konatsu and whoever else, like Ranma, needed an extra bite.

Ranma concentrated on eating and not talking. Akane reluctantly did the same. 'The way he eats, that will leave about fifty-five minutes of the lunch hour.' As it turned out, Ranma was remarkably slow and miraculously well-mannered. It took her almost seven minutes to finish. For supper, with Kasumi measuring the pace and Uncle Saotome forcing him to defend his bowl, Ranma ate more slowly but lunch at school was usually fleeting. 'Except for last week,' she reminded herself. 'What's come over him, lately?' she wondered. Today, Ranma was a girl. Not a wild and incorrigible boy in a girl's body but a real girl, or so she appeared.

"Ranma talk about boy, yes?" Shampoo prompted.

Akane did a double-take. "Since when do you call him Ranma?" she asked, confused over the sudden change from "lover" in Chinese and affronted that Shampoo would call him by his given name without honorifics. That was _her_ privilege. Even _Ukyou_ didn't do that, although the childhood nicknames still stuck. 'Impolite foreigners,' she derisively thought back at her Joketsu rival. 'Those people never cease to amaze me.'

"Ranma is Warrior like Shampoo," the purple-black-haired woman answered in a haughty tone.

"Shut it!" Ukyou barked out, drawing everyone's attention. "Ran-chan, start talking."

"Talking about w-what?" she asked and drew the end of her ponytail over her right shoulder to fiddle with.

"What's he look like, hon? Can he fight?" Ukyou asked. Her temper was clearly fraying while Ranma stalled.

Akane added her own impetus despite the small, cold knot in her belly. "You told us you would be married soon so, what's she like?" She had a lot of questions that could not be asked in the company of others and Akane was growing afraid of the answers. A vague, yet polite, answer might be best. She hoped Ranma had matured enough to do both but doubted it.

"She can't fight," Ranma said dropping her gaze to her desk.

"Well… are you all right with that?" Akane asked with some hesitation. What she _really_ wanted to know was what Ranma thought of marrying someone who knew absolutely nothing about the art. She had often asked herself the same question in the past and knew she preferred a partner who she did not have to compete with. Ranma and Tofu-sensei were exceptions though she could not explain why.

Ranma rubbed the back of her neck keeping her eyes on the desk.

"Ran-chan…" Ukyou prompted. Akane noted the edge in the chef's voice.

"He's really tall – over two meters," Ranma finally said causing Akane's breath to catch. "He's twenty years old an' goes to Toudai-"

"Wait," Akane suddenly found herself interrupting, "he goes to _Toudai?"_

"Who goes to Toudai?" a new voice joined in. Akane turned to find Yuka carrying her chair over to join them. Sayuri was not far behind.

"His _face_, Ran-chan. What's he look like? Is he cute like you, grunty like lost boy, does he look snotty, what?"

"He's pretty handsome," Ranma admitted. "For a _guy,"_ she added. "He reminds me a little of Kyouya but he's taller an'… and more real."

A tiny spark of jealousy lit the depths of Akane's mind. 'Just the kind of man _I_ want!'

"How tall is he?" Sayuri asked sitting down beside Ranma and across from Konatsu.

"I don'know," Ranma said with a shrug, "but, like I said, I'm pretty sure he's over two meters. Even when he's a girl an' I'm a guy, she's _still_ taller than me." The shorter redhead said with a pout as she crossed her arms and slumped back in her chair. "His whole _family_ is tall!"

"What's he goin' t' school for?" Ukyou asked, now sounding impressed and looking genuinely curious.

"Something about foreigners and business," Ranma answered. "Ehh, foreign business? No, that ain't quite right."

Akane suddenly understood. "International business," she suggested.

"Yep! That's it, Akane-chan," Ranma replied, her expression brightening.

"Did he like you, Ranma-sama?" Konatsu asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Ranma replied. Then her cheeks started to pink.

Ukyou noticed, too. "No way, hon! You like him, too?" she asked sounding both shocked and even more curious.

Ranma's answer was a deep flush. Akane felt the entire world detach itself from reality in that moment and just float away, the shock was so great. 'One weekend, _one_, and she meets my ideal man!' Something else occurred to her. "Ranma, did you get engaged?" she asked quietly into the stunned silence.

Arrogantly defensive in that special Saotome way, Ranma turned toward her while leaning away in obvious fright at the same time. "I _told_ you I have t' make a decision by the end of the week."

"But you didn't say you actually loved some _man_ enough to get engaged," Akane replied through the hurt. "What did you do, kiss him?" she demanded bitterly as tears began to blur her vision. Silence, not sputtering protests, was her answer just before the entire group began talking over each other. Hurt welled up to consume her soul. 'Baka!' she thought but a nagging, very tiny voice reminded her she did that with Ranma and far more than that with a total stranger. The knowledge only made her heart ache more. She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "I need some air," she said in a thick voice and found no gratification at all in Ranma's horrified and pale expression while virtually everyone asked for more details.

"Saotome, you're a real ass," Yuka spat at her fiancée. Akane would not normally have argued the point and she did not this time, either, but knew she was in the wrong at least as much as Ranma. Everything was falling apart – _everything_. It hurt.

Akane stumbled to her feet and made her way out of the classroom. Her fellow students discretely made room and avoided looking at her shame. Well, all except for Gosunkugi Hikaru, who was frantically pulling his headband, candles, effigies of Ranma, a hammer and an assortment of pointy things with which he could attempt to curse his rival. Akane paid little mind to Voodoo-boy's preoccupation and muttering.

Once in the hall, Akane found the last person she needed in her life right now; Suzumi Tamao, third-year transfer to Furinkan Koukou with her long, elegantly-flowing, waves of shimmering, onyx hair. "Akane-chan, what's wrong? What happened?" the upperclassman asked, clearly concerned and swept Akane into a gentle hug. Soon, she found herself being led into the restroom and, from there, into a stall. A handkerchief was placed into her hands while she fought to control her emotions. "What happened?" Tamao asked, again. "I came to ask if you wanted to join our club and find you terribly upset."

Leaning back against the stall's side-wall and raising her eyes to the white-painted plaster ceiling, Akane gulped air and tried to restore her emotional balance. Tamao wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a hug. "It's that boy you're engaged to, isn't it; the rude, violent one?"

Akane nodded and daubed her eyes with the donated kerchief while her conscience nagged her about not being completely forthcoming to either Ranma, or Tamao. The former was her goal while the latter was for training. 'How did this happen?' she wondered bitterly while the senior with long, luxurious black hair smelling of spring rain and flowers rubbed her back between the shoulder blades.

She took her time to calm down, consoling herself in the comforting petting her one-time training partner provided, so she could think more clearly. "I have to get back to Ranma," she said.

Suzumi Tamao faced her and reached up to run the fingers of her right hand through Akane's bangs and around back behind her left ear before settling on her shoulder. Her smile was gentle and warm. Drawing close enough for Akane to feel the warmth of her breath tickle her ear, Tamao whispered, "I came to say you have an open invitation to join a very exclusive club here at this school; the Flower Appreciation Club. The other members gave their approval after I vouched for you. Please do not mention it to any other. The invitation and knowledge of it are for you alone."

"Wh… what?" she whispered back. "I've never heard of it."

"_Very_ exclusive," was Tamao's reply.

"Akane-chan?" Sasuga Sayuri enquired through the stall's door.

"I'll… be all right, Sayuri-chan," Akane replied, finding that she was no longer near her breaking point and could answer in something approaching her normal voice. Steeling her nerves, Akane turned, carefully tugged open the stall door while Tamao moved around behind to get out of the door's way. Sayuri took one look at her and her stall-mate and gaped like a freshly-caught fish. "I'll be fine. Just give me another minute," Akane said to her concerned friend and stepped toward the row of sinks on the opposite side.

She turned the cold tap on and looked up at the reflections of her girlfriends in the mirror. Sayuri's reflection wrung her hands, splitting her attention between Akane and Tamao before blurting out, "Yuka-chan is standing guard keeping Saotome-kun out." Akane nodded her thanks and finished washing but allowed herself to be distracted by wondering if it was really so inappropriate for Ranma to enter the ladies' room anymore.

Thinking it over, Akane came to a decision, one she would not have permitted before Jusendo. "Let him in, Sayuri-chan… please." Her friend stared in indecision before giving a terse nod and pushing out the door where Akane glimpsed several uniformed students, one of which wore a shock of red hair.

She listened in on the brief exchange between Sayuri and Uotani Yuka resulting in a crestfallen redhead shuffling inside with her head down, right hand gripping her left wrist just above her small fist. Suzumi Tamao gasped behind her. 'Damn, I forgot to tell her Ranma was also _that_ Ranma, the girl who'd beaten Kuno Kodachi, Sanzenin Mikado and Konjo Mariko.' A stab of hopeless inferiority wracked her even as Tamao's hand slipped from her shoulder and she excused herself, stepping around Ranma, who glanced up inquisitively through her embarrassment at the third-year. Kuonji Ukyou, behind Ranma, stared more openly and more critically.

"Akane, you upset?" Ranma said in a small voice. "W-we should talk… after school."

She nodded her agreement in silence. 'Ranma's kissing boys and I'm fucking girls. Can this get any more pear-shaped?' Her hands balled into fists as the overwhelming frustration and heartache renewed itself. Ranma flinched and took a half-step back into her deceptively loose-looking horse stance. The same old choice of attack or retreat immediately presented itself. However, new reflexes gave her pause and an option she never knew existed.

Stepping into Ranma's guard, she noted her more pronounced flinch. It sent a tiny, yet disturbing, shock of heartache through the youngest Tendo but she acted on the best of her training. At this point in their relationship, her options were to win or die. There was little left of time in their relationship for posturing or dignity. Akane drew the redhead into her arms and held on as tight as she could.

The universe, in all of its infinite vastness and timelessness, formed a warm bubble around the pair and Akane reveled in the connection in hearts between them. Unexpectedly, Ranma began to cry. Her subtle shaking became sobs that crushed her heart, yet gave her hope beyond anything she had ever known. "We got t' talk," Ranma choked out and, just like that, Akane's hope followed the wreck of her heart.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A dreadful foreboding followed Ranma throughout the remainder of the school day. She ignored her classes, even to the extent of sitting out of gym class, refusing to participate in the basketball tournament between 1-A and 1-B girls. Ukyou tried to cheer her up by showing how she could keep the ball spinning on her fingertip just like a plate of okonomiyaki but the a of impending doom haunted her. Several times, Ranma wanted nothing more than to punch the ball as hard as she could, then have it punch her back. 'Tonight… I'll tell her tonight,' she decided.

Ranma's depression affected Akane, sapping the strength from her normally vigorous and sometimes brutally enthusiastic fiancée. Finally, their classes ended. One of the few benefits of her notoriety at school was that people rarely put her on the rotation to clean up the classroom. Whether she intimidated them somehow, or because of gratitude for doing things like upholding the school's tradition of victory at any cost, Ranma almost never had to do chores for the class. She was part of the go-home club and so was Akane. Tonight, though, she would go to _her_ home, then to the Tendo home where she would stay the week.

"Akane," she mumbled to her fiancée after the class exchanged formalities with the last teacher, "I got t' go home an' pick up my stuff. Meet ya at your house in forty-five or an' hour?"

"See ya later, Ran-chan!" Ukyou said with a wave of her hand on way out the door. "Stop by an' I'll fix you a special." The Kuonji heir was, as usual, eager to open her shop to catch students on their way home from school.

"All right, Ranma," Akane said after an anxious pause. "I'll see you then."

Ranma's solemn mood twisted into a grin of feigned confidence. She plucked her book bag from its hanger on the side of the desk and stuffed her notes and sharp pencil into it before heading to the classroom's back entrance to follow Mousse and Shampoo on their way out with most of the rest of the students. She could not bring herself to start a conversation with them even though Shampoo sent a questioning glance backward. Ranma shook her head and quietly donned the street shoes in her locker. Her former Joketsu fiancée solemnly inclined her head and left her alone. It was a miracle she would better appreciate, later. The way back to her mother's was best characterized by a hopeless apathy. Out here in the world she was just another teenage girl heading home after school; except that she was supposed to be a man and near master martial artist. Dark thoughts were her only real company in the crowd.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mousse stopped just inside the school's gate to wait for his new rival, Kuno Tatewaki. Shampoo paused as well. She watched Ranma's back grow more distant. There was something going on, something significant. None of the others missed the change in mood and behavior, it was that obvious. Even Mousse somehow understood his usual lip was greatly undesired. And yet… "Mu Se, what is your understanding of the discussion and situation?" she asked in their Western dialect of Mandarin. Dialect was, perhaps, an understatement. Their ancestors had followed the steppes East and crossed the great desert thousands of years ago when it was once filled with vast rolling fields of green grasses, wild pears and apples and many great prey worthy of a warrior as the legends say. They became Chinese through trade, claiming skilled husbands and, later, absorption but their culture and language still carried traces of their heritage.

Mousse paused a moment before speaking, perhaps to consider his words more carefully. That would truly be a miracle. "Saotome… he has gone far into his curse. I would like to say he is a fucking faggot but he is unnaturally comfortable and convincing as a girl… He does not even _act_ like a man."

Shampoo took his comments into advisement and smacked him in the back of his head with her carrier of now-empty ramen bowls. "Like _you_ can tell the difference between a man and a woman, you blind fool." Still, his comments were not far from the mark.

"I do not mean that… well, I do not _only_ mean that Saotome is gay little cock-sucker. What gets _me_ is that he's so like a woman, now. He did not act his usual ass-monkey self. That is kind of… disturbing. I mean, what if I start acting like a duck?"

Intellectually, Shampoo understood what Mousse was trying to communicate but her more jaded view of him found it difficult to take his comments entirely seriously. 'Stupid duck,' she thought, cattily. She took another swipe at him, anyway, for his insults on her former almost-husband and out of general principle.

One thought in particular disturbed her, Saotome Ranma, it seemed, had some sort of magical ability to attract good mates. First it was herself, then Tendo Akane, who was good in the sense she was not _totally_ incompetent in combat, just clumsy and generally lame, then Kuonji Ukyou, who was fairly respectable, followed by the strange fish-man who was prettier than anyone in her village, and now, someone who was a perfect fit for his curse. 'He _has_ to be beautiful in order to attract such a great warrior as Ranma. On the other hand, there _are_ the Kuno siblings… Still, the only man who wants _me_ is Mu Se!' she considered. Cat-ghosts did not count, obviously.

Those, and similar, thoughts continued to plague her on the walk home. They fomented her emotions until she thought their frothy, silent roar became too much for her nerves. When they entered their elder's restaurant and the aged master brusquely welcomed them and requested they change and help prepare for the evening crowd, Shampoo's frayed temper finally broke. "No!" she yelled back, "I am going to the roof and I will sit there as long as I please!"

The resulting silence was a bit longer than she felt comfortable with but, finally, Cologne said. "Tell me about your day, Great Granddaughter. Mu Se, finish mixing the dough and start pulling the noodles. Xian Pu, collect yourself while I clean my hands and make some tea. I will not have you sour the food by your mood."

Shampoo felt relief, immediately. Her elder was not in the kitchen. Her Great Grandmother _was._ The difference might seem subtle in light of Cologne's strict tone but her Elder's heavy-handed, inflexible and sometimes mad, sadistic instruction was not what Shampoo wanted right then. She sat at the round table in the front left corner closest to the kitchen entrance where the three of them often ate, conversed and whatnot. It was not the best table in the house because it _was_ the most convenient for their small group. It was their version of a kotatsu. Once seated, she stared deeply into the fake wood-grain surface to sort her thoughts.

'I hate it here,' she decided but knew she was only telling part of the truth. Tokyo was a big, clean, modern city filled with many interesting new things to see and exciting things to do. She had peers to hang around and compete with. Life was _fun_, here, and there was always something amazing and new just around the corner. 'I hate that… that I failed. There, I said it; failed. I failed and found out the person I liked… was what? What is Ranma?'

A cup of tea was placed in front of her by a gnarled old hand with barely enough of an audible thump to warn her of its presence; likely just as her great grandmother intended. "How was your first day disguised as a Japanese school-girl?" Cologne asked.

Dark thoughts flew away with the change in topic as if they were uttered into a howling mountain wind. "The classes were very difficult and this dress is strange," she said, picking at the jumper for effect. "I have no idea how women can fight in something so odd," she spoke before thinking.

"Tendo Akane can fight in one," Cologne quibbled after sipping her own cup.

That reminded Shampoo of her earlier frustration but from a different direction. It helped in an unexpected way. "Violent-girl is special in the head," she told her elder. Shampoo sighed and explained, "I am just upset because Lover, I mean, Ranma, has everyone after him, even guys. Why can I not catch the attention of _anyone_ except Mu Se?"

Cologne put down her cup and said, "Japanese have great pride in themselves and their ancestors. Perhaps their romantic daydreams have gone too far, or perhaps it is only because they have always been isolated from the real world-"

"That is not what I mean, Great Grandmother. Many young men appreciate my form but why does no one _respectable_ see me as attractive?"

"_I_ see you as attractive!" Mousse called out from the kitchen.

Shampoo's mouth worked at Mousse's choice of verbs but she was able to hold back the obvious comment. Instead, she called back, "I said, respectable... and see!"

"Now that Ranma is a warrior, maybe you should look to the other males around her," Cologne suggested. "What about that Kuno boy? He and his family are wealthy and cute in their own way." Shampoo made her best I-don't-_think_-so eyes back at her ancestor. "Then, what about the lost boy? He is a tough one."

"Lost pig? Are you kidding me? You _know_ he can barely _talk_ to a woman."

"Tarou was here last-"

"He is a freak!" Shampoo exclaimed. "And he _likes_ it," she added.

Cologne picked up her teacup and took another sip. "If I recall, Kuonji Ukyuo has a few spare admirers. You could claim one of them," she suggested.

"Are you going senile? Will you suggest that baggy-eyed, hollow-cheeked nerd after Tendo Akane, next?"

"Just offering suggestions, dear. You know, there _was_ a boy who pretended he was Ranma, was there not?"

Shampoo gave that one more thought. "He was strong," she allowed. The problem was he, too, had a touch of weirdness. How, or why, does one _really_ roam the country pretending to be someone else just to find that person. Something was… _wrong_ with that idea and Shampoo hoped nothing came of it for Ranma's sake. It sounded a little too much like what happened to Ukyou. She sent an inquisitive, yet skeptical, glance toward her great grandmother and found it returned with interest. "No… No, I think not. Maybe I should just give up," she said in defeat and let her forehead sink to the table top. She realized, in that moment, what Cologne was leading her to and it was depressing. 'All the guys I know who can fight are touched in the head. All the guys _Ranma_ knows are touched in the head.'

That thought led her to an unexpected conclusion, which she blurted out in surprise. "Is that why Ranma kissed the man she met at her arranged marriage meeting?"

Cologne choked on her tea and bowls clattered in the kitchen. "How did we get from you giving up on men to Ranma kissing them?" her elder asked while coughing tea from her wind-pipe. "Did she _really_ kiss a boy?" Cologne asked, sounding like an incredulous frog when she could breathe, again.

The memory of what instigated her afternoon angst leapt to the forefront of her thoughts. "Ranma apparently kissed the man she met over the weekend. She said he was very tall and pretty. Well, not exactly like that but she blushed when Tendo asked if they kissed! I was just thinking; maybe she found someone respectable and was overwhelmed by the experience! Just think about it. Every male Ranma knows is strange in the head. One _normal_ man with decent prospects could defeat her with a smile and a few kind words! I have to go tell her!"

Cologne caught her arm before she could rise from her chair. "Talk to her tomorrow but be discrete. You should also consider that Ranma may very well know her own heart. The one who was with her last week had much of her attention and many others were before that _she_ was not serious about. That one is a _practical_ young warrior. Who she gives her house to is her own business and she knows her worth. You may talk with her as a friend to help her sort her thoughts but do not presume to know better than she who to love."

Shampoo relaxed back into the chair while her mind tracked the many trails of possibility left by her scattered thoughts. "Mu Se," Cologne called into the kitchen, "that goes for you, too! If you even _think_ you can win her hand, Ranma will spit your ass and serve it up roasted black back to Xian Pu!" Mousse made a satisfying calamity in the kitchen. Shampoo smiled smugly back at her horrifically cackling ancestor.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma frowned to herself as she approached Tendo-ke. The stopover at home, _her_ home, had been a whirlwind of dizzying activity – so much so that she forgot to change back into a man. Well, that was not exactly true. She wanted to change back into a man but she also wanted out of the house as soon as possible. Thirty-five or forty minutes of planning, lecture and taking the minimum of everyday "essentials" from her insistent mother was as much as she could handle. 'I don't _want_ to go to a gyronoptorist!' Her lower lip crept out just a bit more at the disturbing thought of someone looking at her _there_. Then, her face colored because her newest fiancé _had_ examined her there. 'But that was _differ'nt!'_

She was scared. One crazy thing after another these last couple of weeks were chasing her sanity up a tree. Now, she felt trapped there on thin, unsteady branches of faulty logic by events that seemed out of control but Ranma knew exactly how she had gotten herself in that position and could not say she regretted any of it except the looming wedding. 'Two fiancées down but just added a new one and now _I'm_ a girl!' Her mother made that clear enough while helping her pack for her stay at the Tendo residence. She had three times as much girl-stuff as guy-stuff and her calendar (a figure of speech because she did not yet own one) was filling rapidly with shopping tomorrow afternoon, a haircut and makeup lessons on Thursday followed by a doctor's appointment on Friday when she was allowed back to her parents' apartment.

"Tadaima," she tiredly called while sliding the door to the genkan open.

"Okaerinasai, Ranma-chan!" Kasumi called back. Ranma put her backpack, school bag and the old suitcase her mother insisted she borrow on the floor up the step from the entrance and slipped out of her shoes. "Is Akane-chan with you?" Kasumi asked.

"Na, she stayed after school t' check out a club," she replied and took her baggage up to the room she had so recently frequented. It looked, and smelled, the same as ever. Music, one of Nabiki's favorite pop bands, filtered around the corner down the hall. She guessed the middle Tendo was already back from school.

The very first thing she did was open her backpack and dig out a black muscle-tee, her red short-sleeve shirt, a pair of green boxers and black, draw-string slacks. 'Time for a bath,' she decided with relief that was mixed with dread for the discussion she would have with Akane, later.

Ranma folded the bundle up and walked back down the stairs. Down the hall past the kitchen, she saw Tendo Soun sitting in a pungent gray cloud at the kotatsu with two packs of cigarettes and a heaping ash tray. "Welcome back, Ranma… chan," Tendo Soun said, faltering on the gender when he saw her in the Furinkan girl's uniform from his seat down the hall. She winced in response.

"I made you some tea, Ranma-kun," Kasumi announced, suddenly appearing under the nori hanging over the kitchen's entrance. "I also made rice balls. Why don't you sit down with me and have some?"

Opening her mouth to protest, Ranma saw the look on Kasumi's face, the one that said, "I insist," and closed her mouth to nod in acquiescence. "Sure thing, Kasumi-san."

The familiar small table with two chairs sat just inside the kitchen against the wall separating the room from the hallway. On it sat a large tray with a tea pot, two empty cups and a rectangular black-lacquered box packed with sesame-sprinkled, triangular rice balls. A snacky impulse forced her to tuck her skirt under her legs to sit in the indicated seat and prize one of the starchy-white treats from the tray while Kasumi sat down across from her and began pouring tea.

"Ranma-kun," Kasumi said placing a cup of tea before her, "I was wondering, you're a young man, what should I do to help Ono-kun get over his… shyness?"

Caught by surprise and with her mouth full, Ranma quickly swallowed and chased the sticky rice down with tea. She breathed deeply to replenish the oxygen that had been diverted to her stomach. The timing was unexpected but the question was something she often pondered. "I think… I think you got t' grab 'im," she said, making a fist in the hand without the rice ball.

With a surprised and puzzled look, Kasumi asked, "What, how?"

"It's like… Tofu-sensei is like a deer, maybe a fish. He spooks easily 'cause he likes you."

Kasumi's smile faltered. "I get that impression, too."

"So you've got to do somethin' more drastic – go for the win."

"You mean I should just kiss him?" Kasumi asked with a hint of sarcasm and disappointment.

"No. Yes. I mean, you have to do _more._ Knock him out-"

"I will _not_ hurt my Tofu," Kasumi warned, even if it sounded as if she were merely chiding. Ranma thought she knew the woman well enough to sense the sharp edge hidden beneath her soft demeanor.

That gave her an idea. "Kasumi-san, you are a Tendo. You told me a Tendo got what she wanted. Go over to Tofu-sensei's place and _get_ what you want."

The older girl with a long flowing hair tied by a blue bow at the bottom turned a bright shade of red and buried her face in her hands. "I can't do _that,"_ she whispered back.

Ranma wondered what "that" meant but figured it was best not to ask. "Just go over to his place an' don't take no for an answer."

"But what if he takes Betty and runs off to the park?"

"Stop him."

"How?"

"Somehow; I don't know." Ranma gave it another second of consideration and said, "A guy's thing is pretty sensitive an' we get taught early t' protect it. See if you can grab his. That should stop 'im."

"Grab… but…" Kasumi sputtered. Ranma marveled at how red Kasumi was turning. She took the opportunity to stuff the rest of her onigiri into her mouth and down the remaining tea.

Rather frankly, Ranma said, "Kasumi-san, you got to… to take the edge off him. Wear him down, like in fishing."

"I've been doing that," she protested. "I visit almost every day and bring him something to eat."

Holding her hand up to forestall the oldest Tendo woman, Ranma shook her head. "Food is like bait. I should know. Until you're holding the trout by the gills, it ain't yours."

"How can you compare him to a fish?" Kasumi asked in disbelief.

"I don'know," Ranma said with a shrug. "Anyway, feeding him just gets you near his guard."

"He told me at the beach the weekend before last that he would marry me. He even talked about it with Father," Kasumi gasped in disbelief, "but when we went out, yesterday, he barely spoke a word that made any sort of sense. He even broke his glasses while cleaning them! All I did was touch his leg."

"His leg is near his, umm… his trout. That can freak a guy out, you know," Ranma explained. Kasumi's eyes lowered to the table in embarrassment. Ranma pressed her point. "He likes you. Everyone in town knows it," Ranma said, perhaps embellishing the truth a bit. "If you really want his attention, you have to grab his trout by the gills. He won't even _think_ about Betty if you're holding him there."

Silence lapsed between them so Ranma helped herself to another onigiri. As she was finishing her second, Kasumi stuttered, asking, "W-what do I d-do with the… the trout once I h-have it." Ranma thought about it but recent memory caused her cheeks to pink. Kasumi prodded her for an answer. "I hope you don't mean for me to filet and eat it."

Ranma shook her head to banish the disturbing image created by Kasumi's hidden dark side. "No, no, you could pull it, wrap your fingers around it and pump, and you could put the end in your mouth. He should be less nervous after that. Er, that is, I don't think he'll run."

Kasumi gasped in shock, covering her mouth with a hand. "Oh, my!" the eldest sister said, turning as red as the shirt in the bundle on Ranma's lap, who noted her own face felt hot, too.

Needing a change in topic, Ranma asked, "Is, ah, is Akane back? It sounded like Nabiki was when I went up to grab my things for a bath."

Ranma waited a few moments while Kasumi's eyes darted around following her own visions but she soon grew tired of being patient and slid her chair back to get up. The sound, or movement, must have shaken the oldest of Tendo Soun's daughters from her daydream because Kasumi's eyes quickly focused on hers. "Akane-chan has not returned home, yet. You _could_ go look for her, Ranma-chan," Kasumi suggested. There was little about that idea Ranma liked. She at least wanted to be a man when she next saw Akane. She bit her lip and nodded to the woman who ran the Tendo household, anyway. Ranma took her bundle of clothing in one arm and slid the chair back under the table with a foot and free hand. "Thank you, Ranma-chan," Kasumi added.

"Thanks for the food, Kasumi-san," she returned. Ranma nodded to the older girl and left the kitchen for the genkan where she put her pile of clothes on the floor out of the way and was slipping her shoes back on when the door suddenly slid open.

"I'm back," Akane called.

Ranma stared back at her fiancée, balancing on one foot with one shoe on and one finger hooked in the second shoe along with her other foot. "Welcome back," she weakly replied.

"Welcome back," Kasumi called from the kitchen. "Ranma-chan was just going to look for you before her bath."

"Ranma-kun," Tendo Soun's voice came from behind startling her, "I would like a word with you while Akane-chan drops her books off in her room and gathers her things for a bath."

Her heart stopped in that moment but he said nothing else while she paled and gaped back at him. "S-sure, Ojisan." She slipped back out of her shoes and, on impulse, turned them to face outward, wondering if that might help in making fast breaks. Once again gathering her bundle of men's clothes (at least they were more manly than what she currently wore), Ranma followed the head of the house back down the hall to sit across from him at the kotatsu while Akane disappeared quietly upstairs.

She watched in abstracted fascination while he pulled a new cigarette from a half-full package. He lit it with a white plastic lighter she'd never seen him use before. It was one of the ones she saw at the convenience store with the red and blue "YS" for the Yakult Swallows baseball team. He took a deep drag on the cancer stick and exhaled toward the open shoji facing the pond. "I overheard you giving advice to Kasumi-chan," Soun said sending a chill down Ranma's back. "That was very good advice. Thank you."

Now, Ranma felt confused. 'Did he _hear_ all that stuff, or is he just pretendin' an' makin' crap up like my old man?'

"I wish my daughter would come talk to me about these things but I understand how it is between kids and parents," he went on to say.

Whatever else he wanted to say was cut off by feet pounding their way across the ceiling and down the stairs. "Ranma, let's go take a bath!" Akane said when she and Ranma could see each other directly and Ranma noted Akane now wore a green and white-striped yukata, sloppily tied at the waist. "Dad, we're taking a bath. Stay out," she said taking hold of Ranma's left bicep and hauling her to her feet.

Wide-eyed and confused, Ranma let her fiancée lead, or maybe drag, her down and around the engawa toward the change room's entrance. Once inside, Akane let go and Ranma tossed her clean clothes in an empty basket before facing her female iinazuke. "What-" was the only word she had time for. Her un-cutely violent fiancée had dropped her basket to the floor when Ranma tossed her change of clothes. That same person then did something Ranma would not have guessed she would do in a million years: Akane turned around and kissed her full on the mouth; actually, full _in_ the mouth. Her taste was sweet. Her tongue was slippery.

Ranma struggled, at first. She had no idea what caused her fiancée to behave this way and wondered if the Akane before her was an impostor or was being manipulated like a puppet. Her struggles abruptly ceased when a burst of chi entered the base of her skull from Akane's hand behind her neck. Ranma's legs gave out. Her fiancée broke the kiss and whispered, "I'm sorry, Ranma, but I need you." Weakened beyond even the Moxibustion Point, she slumped into her fiancée's strong arms.

"Mua?" Ranma slurred her question. She could not even get a simple word like what out of her mouth. Something was also happening to her between the legs. 'I should o' listened to U-chan,' she thought but the attack was wholly unexpected and thoroughly incapacitating. She was carried into the wash room and laid gently on the floor. Ranma closed her eyes tightly trying to fight off the arousal growing in her loins and regain control of her chi and muscles. She heard footsteps retreat to the change room giving her a brief surge of hope to quell the mounting fear but the feet returned.

Ranma opened her eyes. Her head lolled to the side enough to see Akane carrying her basket, which she set down on the floor by the door after sliding it closed. "Ranma…" Akane said. In speaking her name, Akane's voice carried every emotion that characterized the youngest Tendo; Fear, passion, uncertainty, determination, clumsiness and the caring warmth Ranma found so attractive. "I love you and I'm going to prove it." Ranma felt torn hearing her fiancée state her love so directly but every sensitive area on her body was nagging her for attention.

"Nnyaaa," she replied. Ranma was having a hard enough time just thinking while scared half-witless, paralyzed and aroused so poorly formed words might be forgiven, she hoped.

Akane beamed like the sun. "That's so _cute!"_

Ranma felt her eyes widen in surprise. Her fiancée then pulled the small bow on the back of her yukata and spun energetically toward the basket placed by the door showing some leg. The yukata came off and Ranma watched her roughly fold the robe and squat, completely in the nude, in front of the basket. The view from the floor was amazing and, if Ranma had been male, she thought she might get a nosebleed as bad as _some_ people she knew.

Her fiancée fished around under the pile of clothes a moment. "Ranma, I can't _wait_ to turn you back into a man," Akane said, shocking Ranma even more with as direct a hint as Ranma ever heard, "but first, I decided I don't like hair."

Fear spiked in Ranma, again. 'Noooo! She'd better not be turning into Principal Kuno!' she thought in a panic but became confused when her fiancée stood and approached, stark naked, holding a razor and can of shaving cream. 'Huh?' she wondered. 'Do I have hair on my fa- Wait, it's my armpits! They feel scratchy 'cause I didn't shave 'em an' it's been a week!' Akane's pleasant smile contrasted with the wicked gleam in her eyes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The next day at school, Tuesday, Ranma was a girl, again. She did not particularly care for being a girl all the time but there were two important reasons for maintaining Monday's status quo. First, she still did not have a men's uniform and second, she still felt strong after-effects of Akane's perverted chi manipulations that, if she were to unexpectedly turn back into her birth form, would be painfully obvious. 'Not that Akane'd care,' she half-heartedly groused.

The perpetrator of last night's perversions walked beside her, holding her hand and looking all too smug and happy despite the painful conversation they'd had after Akane literally _took_ Ranma – _both_ forms. The sex was mind-bending, so much so that Ranma could not quell the fear that her _self_ was being corrupted as much as her chi. Her body _wanted_ what Akane could do to her and him but was that right? Did she want to marry Akane because of it, maybe in spite of it? One thing was absolutely certain: They had hurt each other badly by their own actions over the weekend.

Akane had finally allowed him release for the third time and she'd made it happen so intensely that it hurt like a cramp in his butt-muscle. While he was hunched over on his side in pain, she threw some cold water on him and genuinely apologized. After that, they both donned yukata, Ranma ended up with a pale blue one left in the change room by Kasumi for guests, and retreated to the dojo where Ranma found Akane's bed had been moved. With the small amount of privacy offered by the new location, Ranma decided to come clean.

"_Akane-chan, we need to talk," she told her fiancée while surveying the strangeness of a dojo with only a bed and old nightstand. Her fiancée attempted to avoid the conversation by pushing her back onto the bed and sucking on one finger at a time. Ranma knew what she was doing. She could feel the seals forming on her chi paths and reclaimed her hand for the moment. Everything about Happosai seemed to revolve around circles whether it was a simple bucket for a body substitution trick, a twirl of the pipe or something as advanced as using his pipe bowl to create a seal or teaching seals to others like Hinako-sensei and now Akane. Ranma was not at all sure she wanted to learn how to do these things despite Akane's offer to help her train._

"_Oh, come on, Ranma. I have a lot I want to show you. I've really been training hard," Akane protested as she tried to cajole her into continuing the "training."_

_Ranma shook her head and held Akane's gaze. "I got t' tell you. I got engaged, Saturday." Akane froze and a thunderhead figurativel__y began forming over her head; w__ell, _maybe_ figuratively. "Shimeru Baimei is really nice, Akane. She knows what it's like changing sex like I do__. She's smart an' everything I ain't. Sorry__ 'bout that__. __An' here __I just got away from Shampoo an' U-chan's good with being friends," Ranma said feeling as disheartened as one of her other friends._

"_So you kissed him and got engaged?" Akane asked as hurt warred with anger for control of her expression._

_Ranma dropped her gaze to the bed and reached under her unbound hair to rub the back of her neck while thinking about just how to admit the next, most damning, of her offenses. Thinking was not one of her strong suits so she gave up and said, "We also, um, did it. He was a guy an' I was the girl, mostly,"_

_Akane's eyes widened a moment before clamping both hands over her mouth. Her eyes squeezed shut just as a stream of tears began leaking from them and tracking down to her fingers._

_Ranma felt like a complete ass. She scooted closer and tentatively wrapped her arms around Akane while her fiancée sobbed and choked. "I'm sorry, Akane. You can, um, hit me," she offered. "Go on, I won't run or insult you. I know I deserve it." Akane responded by crying harder. 'Damn it, I'll _never_ understand girls.' Aloud __s__he said, "I-I guess this means we ain't engaged anymore. I can't blame you. I should o' thought it out before letting him do that to me."_

_She sat like that for a while, holding Akane while she cried, knowing in her heart it was over between them. "Why?" Akane asked in a voice thick with emotion. "Why did you let a man have sex with you?"_

_Not sure how much about Shimeru biology she could reveal, not that she knew all that much__, she__ could barely spell the word, Ranma decided to wing-it. Akane deserved to know _something_. "Well, Baimei-kun is super-attractive for a guy. Most guys, I'd just plant a foot in their face on general principle but Baimei is a lot better than most guys. He makes my head feel funny an' I like him. He listens to me as much as __Asami Kyouya__-san__ did but understands me a lot more." Thinking back on her conversation with Kasumi earlier that evening, she added, "He's kind of like my version of Tofu-sensei. It's like he was made just for me. His family's really awesome, too."_

_Ranma awkwardly tried to rub Akane's back. She figured it was a womanly thing to do and, given what happened here, tonight, she was pretty sure that was what she'd be the rest of her life when she wasn't a guy in her "immature form." Akane, with puffy red eyes, gulped and looked back into hers. "D-did you mean it when you said we weren't engaged anymore?"_

_Startled, Ranma replied, "No, no, no, that's up to you. I told you I have 'til next weekend to figure out who t' marry. I just thought we were, you know, done 'cause of what I did."_

_Akane's eyes lowered back into her lap. "Ranma, I… I needed a training partner to learn Father's and the Master's techniques. You weren't here last weekend or it would have been you."_

"_You mean, U-chan? She told me you, ah, picked a fight with her," Ranma said, glossing over details Ranma could not believe until the shared bath after school._

_Akane looked away and wiped her eyes adding a sniffle. "That's right, I challenged her. I could have won but it was my first fight using the family style. Konatsu interfered."_

_Ranma tried to reconcile Ukyou's claims of a perverted ki attack and attempted rape with Akane's description. It did not work out very well for her. "Uhhh, anyhow, you did pretty good on me in the bath," she allowed. It was an understatement to be sure. Akane had utterly dominated both of her genders and she was still leaking excitement. In fact, her body felt taught and swollen, yet poised and ready for more. 'What the hell did she do?'_

"_After I left U-chan's, I found someone else to practice with. You met her today in the ladies' room. That's where I got my training, Saturday," Akane said._

_Remembering the unique smell on Akane's breath, Ranma felt a cold hand on her own heart. 'I guess it serves me right,' she thought, feeling suddenly light-headed. She knew that smell from Baimei's kisses after he'd gone down on her. "And today?" she whispered growing more light headed by the moment._

_Akane tensed briefly, then relaxed. "You know how everyone keeps pestering us to join a club; especially the sports teams. There's this club I got invited to. Suzumi-sempai recommended me. You can't talk about it, though. It's a secret."_

"_A secret club," Ranma asked, "Is that even possible?"_

"_It's registered as a flower appreciation club. Membership is by invitation only. They're supposed to go on trips around the city to look at things like flower gardens and blooming trees in spring, greenhouses in the fall and winter, that sort of thing. The advisor is Kitayama-sensei-"_

"_Wha-? That guy has, like, three jobs! Even _I_ can't beat him off school grounds some days."_

"_That's exactly why he's the club advisor. It's good for him because he needs to carry his weight as a teacher and the club rarely needs his help."_

"_So the club just looks at flowers?"_

_Akane blushed and averted her eyes. "That's when they do official functions and trips with Kitayama-sensei to keep up appearances. It's really a club for women who like women or… both."_

"_Wait, what, you mean they're gay?" she asked in disbelief. 'Are there really homosexual _girls_ at Furinkan? I haven't even heard of homosexual _boys_ and I _am_ one… a boy but not… like that.' The topic had taken a disturbing turn in the last minute. 'It was right about when Akane said… Oh. Right.' Now, Ranma was depressed, again._

_Nodding, Akane said, "Gay or at least bisexual. You'd fit in pretty well. I don't know if there's a version for the boys, though. The club doesn't allow them. Hmm… maybe you wouldn't fit in."_

_Ranma was still thinking about something – something that she'd missed, earlier. "Akane, did you have sex with a girl after school?" Akane's posture stiffened._

"_Of _course_ not!__"__Akane protested before dropping her gaze. __Slowly, as if expla__ining it to herself, Akane explained.__"__I did have to kiss Suzumi-san. __That was just a try-out for the club. It didn't mean anything. I used the opportunity for some extra training." That did not sit very well with Ranma. The more she thought about it, the more disturbing it seemed. __"I did it for you, Ranma." That seemed even more disturbing though she did not understand why._

"Stay out of trouble, today, Little Sis," Nabiki admonished her sibling with a sterner-than-usual warning. It pulled Ranma out of her reminiscing over last night's confrontation to see the school entrance looming large. After they had admitted their infidelities, Akane decided to demonstrate more of the perverted techniques and show her exactly who was master of the bed within the dojo.

"I know, onee-chan," Akane chirped happily.

'_I_ know why she's so happy,' Ranma thought sourly, 'she stole half my chi last night. Now, she's stupidly strong.' It was strange seeing the parallels growing between Akane and her master, strange and terrifying, but the sex both her halves had was mind-blowing. It made what she shared with Baimei seem so innocent. 'Would Kyouya have been that good? He was supposed to be a sex robot.'

One difference between the "men" she cared about and her female fiancée was that Akane could do things to her the guys could not. Kyouya was gone, a might-have-been she felt relieved had never gone farther, or longer. He was too easy to grow attached to. 'Maybe I needed someone,' she thought as they entered the school. Akane still held her hand pulling Ranma along behind her. They went to Akane's shoe-box, first, and her own, next. Ranma did everything one-handed. Her chi was constantly being drained. Akane returned some of it… changed. Ranma shuddered.

She had no significant control over the invading chi. 'My body isn't my own, anymore,' she mentally whined but could not feel sad about it; not with the constant stimulation it was giving her. 'Akane _is_ training in Indiscriminate Grappling – Tendo-style. She's gettin' pretty good at it, too,' she allowed, reflecting on skills her fiancée was learning. 'Is that so much different than what I do?' The idea of sharing her wife with other people that way _hurt_ as if she'd been sucker-punched in the gut. _'I will not allow it!'_ she decided. Still, she wondered if she really had a right to keep her fiancée from training and challenges for the mastery of the Tendo-ryu. 'Is this how Akane feels when she watches me fight? Most of my fights are with guys but some are with girls an' Akane couldn't even keep up with many of those guys, anyways. It's not like I didn't think about doin' it with Kyouya for training, either. Baimei wasn't training, though.'

Thinking of Baimei, she shivered, alerting Akane, who gave her a bright smile in return. 'Baimei may not do _this_ to me but he's the nicest guy I've ever met; except, maybe, Tofu-sensei but Baimei doesn't go goofy on me like sensei does on Kasumi-san.'

Ranma barely paid a moment's attention to the imposing man with fruit and scissors as she climbed the steps to the main hallway. Akane led her to their class and, finally, their hands parted. Ranma still had virtually no control over her chi. 'If anyone wants to fight, I'll get my ass handed to me.' She decided to lay low, at least by her definition, and behave more as her mother expected. 'I got t' remind Momma that I need a guy's uniform or I'll be stuck goin' t' school like this for the rest of the year.'

She hung her book bag on the desk's hanger and tucked her skirt under her legs to sit. 'Oh, please don't let me leak so much it shows!' Ranma sent a pleading glance toward her fiancée. Akane smiled back and nodded confidently. Her current worry reminded her of next week's period. 'Damn it, I got t' get a guy's uniform!'

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kuonji Ukyou was not afraid of Principal Kuno, she was just aware that being late would be way more trouble than it was worth. 'Jackass!' she thought as loudly as she could at the man standing in the main hall just past the shoe lockers. She narrowed her eyes for effect but her killing intent did not seem to faze him. The man's teeth sparkled back in challenge. "Urryaa!" she grumbled under her breath and threw her shoes from the locker to the floor for a quick change.

"Do you want me to kill him?" Konatsu asked in a strangely pleasant way, as if that sort of thing happened often around the only male kunoichi Ukyou had ever encountered.

Ukyou sighed and straightened her jacket to regain her calm. "No but if he messes with me, I'll kick his fukin' ass." Deciding to change the subject as she calmly walked past the mad Principal, she asked her shadow, "Are you gonna keep wearin' that, hon?"

Konatsu spared a brief glance down at his girl's uniform and looked back up at her. "Ukyou-sama?" he said in a questioning tone while his eyes briefly drifted down the front of her high-collared traditional jacket for men.

She wanted to argue that women wearing men's clothes was perfectly normal now days but the explanation might touch on other areas she was less prepared to argue. Fortunately, Shampoo and Mousse were just ahead and the Amazon non-couple seemed to be waiting for her to catch up. Ukyou increased her pace and soon the four of them were on their way to class.

"If crazy barber attack this one, Ukyou help, yes?" Shampoo asked.

It took Ukyou a moment to sort out the foreign girl's grammar and musical accent. She was about to reply that Shampoo could go get herself spayed but decided that was uncharitable. Besides, the Joketsu woman had a point about the Kuno family's mental stability or, perhaps, their lack of discretion, decency and weapons skills. Together, they might chase him back to America where they probably think he's normal.


End file.
